Do The Phantom of Krankor Laugh
In the history of crappy movies with monsters in them, there have always been characters that are infamous for being well, lousy. Today, we finally induct a movie with one of the most infamous. His name is the Phantom of Krankor (with whom most people just call Krankor) whose acting isn’t in question here…..well, it kind of is. You see, it sounds like from anyone who has heard the laugh that this actor really didn’t even try as we are witnessed to one of the most forced laughs in human history. Unfortunately, I don’t have the laugh for you to listen to, but I think most of you have heard it so I’m sure you know how bad it sounds. Now that we know of the laugh, let’s get down to the movie.
We begin this movie with the opening credits. Once again, we are watching a black and white movie and another movie that is featured as a double feature, with of course Invasion of the Neptune People.
The family talks about what a great job Wally (who is absent at the moment) has done for these children. Of course, we get the story that Wally has adopted two of the three kids (one of the boys and the girl) and he takes care of both of them as a single parent. Just when they talk about him, Wally shows up. They compliment them on how he takes care of the children. Wally criticizes himself in wishing that he could teach the kids more than just boot blacking, which of means that he polishes shoes. The kids don’t have a problem with it as they love boot blacking. The kids then go to the next room and watch TV. Of course, the TV show they are watching is interrupted from a message from the Phantom of Krankor. Now if you look at the phantom of Krankor, you would have to assume he was created to look like the Penguin from the Batman comics.
We then move to the next mourning where people are reading on the newspaper stands about the Krankor situation. We also see the kids helping Wally with black booting when they are told that Dr. Mackin is having a press conference about the situation. Meanwhile, it is time for Dr. Mackin’s press conference. Nothing interesting happens here besides the fact that Dr. Mackin believes the people of Krankor are after his new rocket fuel. Okay…..if the people of this planet can get to your planet without it, why in the blue hell would they need it now? The doctor believes that they are more advanced in space travel, but they are less advanced in rocket fuel? He explains that with his fuel, they can send 100 ships instead of one. Hmmm…..wouldn’t space travel involve rocket fuel and since we don’t have enough fuel to go past Mars, why in the blue hell would they want that low rate fuel. Obviously this movie just presumes that these aliens are morons on fuel.
Anyways, two reporters have been sent on a story that would get them the front page. Problem is they don’t know if anyone will be around to read it since the town has been put on general alert. After finding out the bird-men of Krankor are going to land in their town, they mentioned that tonight may be their last day on Earth. Not at nightfall, the Japanese town is shown….
They look at the weird object and then become more interested when Dr. Mackin’s car appears. Dr. Mackin asks the reporters who is in charge with the response that the police commissioner is, but he is looking at the object. Hmmm….I would think a more important official would be at this historic event. Obviously, the Japanese are used to aliens by now. While the reporters are speaking with Dr. Mackin, the two boys decide to wander off so they can see a closer view of the object. The police commissioner and other policemen decide to go closer towards the object and the object shoots a beam which vaporizes them. The Phantom of Krankor then over the device tells the men to not go any closer to the device or they will join their colleagues in being vaporized. Another fly saucer arrives and lands near the device. With that, it is time for our hero to enter the scene. Yes folks, here comes an unknown man, in an Evel Knievel type of outfit.
Anyways, in a cornfield, we find that the spacemen from Krankor have returned. The Krankor spacemen are in search of the Prince of Space. They find his location and decide to go after him. It turns out that the Prince of Space is at an old abandoned concrete building. After finding him, the Phantom of Krankor sends out his underground tank to go after him. The boys are at their home looking at their telescope, one of the boys makes an interesting (and when I say interesting, I mean amusingly stupid) opinion that evil people only come out at night. Looking at the old building, they see that the Phantom of Krankor and his henchmen are walking towards the abandoned building. They decide to go spy on them.
Meanwhile, a civilian airplane carrying some of Dr. Mackin’s colleagues has been captured by the evil spacemen of Krankor. A rescue attempt by a Japanese fighter planes is thwarted when the spacemen use a device from their spaceship to make the fighter plane crash. Back on land, Dr. Mackin leaves his home in a car driven by a chauffeur and tells his son (the other boy) that he will be back later in the night. The scene goes to the Defense Ministry War Room, where they reveal that Dr. Mackin has disappeared. Meanwhile, Dr. Mackin has awakened to see the Phantom of Krankor. The Phantom introduces himself and reveals to Dr. Mackin that the good doctor and his colleagues have been captured. When asked about his chauffer, the Phantom reveals he killed him and does his horrible laugh. The Phantom tells Dr. Mackin that he will show him his weapons in hopes to show Mackin that Earth’s attempts to stop him are futile. Hmmm…..kind of reminds me of a famous Star Trek quote, not that I watch that show.
After meeting for a few minutes and hearing these words, the men tell the Phantom that they can only tell of the technology and can’t force political decisions upon the world. The Phantom agrees to those demands and tells them that they will do it so well that the heads of their government will be forced to surrender.
Back on Earth, the spies from Krankor (dressed as earthlings with bandanas over their face to hide their mouths and noses), look for the Prince of Space. They pass by Wally and their radar makes the spacemen realize that Wally, or “Shoe Shine Boy” as they call him, is the Prince of Space. If only those kids knew, they would have to shut up about ridiculing his weakness.
While the spaceship is on Earth, the Phantom has Dr. Mackin explain their technology. He does so and he says he has come to one conclusion…..destroy them. That does not make the Phantom happy and he has Dr. Mackin restrained. He gives the people of Earth an ultimatum, surrender or be exterminated and ends his speech with his laugh again. The Krankor spies are then told to follow Wally aka Prince of Space and make sure that their identities are not known. Wally and the kids enter the house. At the house, the kids find a note from Prince of Space telling them to go to his friend’s house immediately and bring his sister as well. As he feeds his bird, Wally sees the spies and flees. Two of the four spies try to chase and shoot Wally. The Phantom and the rest of the men have arrived and join the spies in chasing Wally. Wally turns into Prince of Space at a graveyard and a battle begins there as well.
They try to shoot the Prince of Space and like before, their weapons have no effect on him (a point he makes again). He does however ask them to fight him barehanded for which they have no problem doing. He of course beats them all up and then Krankor tries with a laser turret that comes out of a car. Using his wand to win again, he boasts once more that the Krankor weapons have no effect on him. The Phantom doesn’t care and once again tries firing at him. After another failed attempt, the Phantom retreats aboard his spaceship. A chase begins again and for the third time, the Phantom uses the asteroid field to get away from him. He of course disappears and the Phantom thinks the Prince has been destroyed. Unknown to him however, the Prince of Space still follows. The spaceship lands and the Phantom enters his headquarters again. He tells his men to make sure that the giant stays up all night just to make sure the Prince of Space is still alive.
Okay….this was by far one of the cheesiest movies I have ever had to witness. However, it is so bad that it becomes funny. The no-selling from the Prince of Space, the over-selling from the henchmen who die, the unending plot holes, and the repetitive nature of this movie has made this a really bad movie. The worst part is these were two movies in Japan and in the US, was turned into one movie. The only redeeming factor is the Phantom of Krankor’s laugh, which has lived on infamy as one of the most forced laughs in movie making history.