Sunday, September 27, 2009

Monster Crap Inductee: Prince Of Space (1958)

Monster Crap Inductee: Prince of Space
Do The Phantom of Krankor Laugh


In the history of crappy movies with monsters in them, there have always been characters that are infamous for being well, lousy. Today, we finally induct a movie with one of the most infamous. His name is the Phantom of Krankor (with whom most people just call Krankor) whose acting isn’t in question here…..well, it kind of is. You see, it sounds like from anyone who has heard the laugh that this actor really didn’t even try as we are witnessed to one of the most forced laughs in human history. Unfortunately, I don’t have the laugh for you to listen to, but I think most of you have heard it so I’m sure you know how bad it sounds. Now that we know of the laugh, let’s get down to the movie.

We begin this movie with the opening credits. Once again, we are watching a black and white movie and another movie that is featured as a double feature, with of course Invasion of the Neptune People.

We then move on to a very short overhead shot of some place in Japan (yes….it is another movie from Japan….Got to love the Japanese.) I do kid because no matter how much crap Japan creates, they create good things as well like The Ring, Godzilla, Katamari Damancy, among others.
The Whimsical Place Known As Japan

The camera moves closer towards a house with two lights on. One of the lighted rooms just happens to be the dining room table where three adults and three children (two boys and one girl) are all eating at the table. The discussion is of course, Dr. Mackin’s new experimental rocket fuel. The kids of course decide to leave the table without excusing themselves (impolite little imps) and go look at the telescope. Of course it was either that or watch TV (which would have been the choice nowadays in our lazy society), but the kids are interested in space and there isn’t anything wrong with that at all.

The family talks about what a great job Wally (who is absent at the moment) has done for these children. Of course, we get the story that Wally has adopted two of the three kids (one of the boys and the girl) and he takes care of both of them as a single parent. Just when they talk about him, Wally shows up. They compliment them on how he takes care of the children. Wally criticizes himself in wishing that he could teach the kids more than just boot blacking, which of means that he polishes shoes. The kids don’t have a problem with it as they love boot blacking. The kids then go to the next room and watch TV. Of course, the TV show they are watching is interrupted from a message from the Phantom of Krankor. Now if you look at the phantom of Krankor, you would have to assume he was created to look like the Penguin from the Batman comics.

Anyways, Krankor mentions that he and his crew of bird men are heading towards Earth on their toy rocket ship. Of course, he doesn’t say bird men and toy rocket ship, but you can basically tell that is what it is. He says that on eight o’clock pm tomorrow, he will arrive on Earth and make his wishes known. If they do not follow his wishes, they will die. He tells them to have a pleasant night’s sleep and then does the infamous laugh. Seriously, I wish I had that laugh so you could listen to it to see how forced and fake it sounds, but I don’t.

We then move to the next mourning where people are reading on the newspaper stands about the Krankor situation. We also see the kids helping Wally with black booting when they are told that Dr. Mackin is having a press conference about the situation. Meanwhile, it is time for Dr. Mackin’s press conference. Nothing interesting happens here besides the fact that Dr. Mackin believes the people of Krankor are after his new rocket fuel. Okay…..if the people of this planet can get to your planet without it, why in the blue hell would they need it now? The doctor believes that they are more advanced in space travel, but they are less advanced in rocket fuel? He explains that with his fuel, they can send 100 ships instead of one. Hmmm…..wouldn’t space travel involve rocket fuel and since we don’t have enough fuel to go past Mars, why in the blue hell would they want that low rate fuel. Obviously this movie just presumes that these aliens are morons on fuel.

Anyways, two reporters have been sent on a story that would get them the front page. Problem is they don’t know if anyone will be around to read it since the town has been put on general alert. After finding out the bird-men of Krankor are going to land in their town, they mentioned that tonight may be their last day on Earth. Not at nightfall, the Japanese town is shown….

A Rare Day When Godzilla Is Not Around

Back at the Japanese household, the kids are wondering where Wally is since he hasn’t shown up where he said he would be at. Meanwhile, Wally is seen walking down the street and looking at the clock. It is now eight o’clock and the Krankor spaceship is preparing to land on Earth. While watching the Krankor spaceship fly over their town, the reporters catch wind that there is some electrical disturbances near Beaver Falls. The reporters and scientists head towards Beaver Falls immediately. They see that a small device has landed on Beaver Falls. This small device sadly looks like an old microphone used in early radio.

They look at the weird object and then become more interested when Dr. Mackin’s car appears. Dr. Mackin asks the reporters who is in charge with the response that the police commissioner is, but he is looking at the object. Hmmm….I would think a more important official would be at this historic event. Obviously, the Japanese are used to aliens by now. While the reporters are speaking with Dr. Mackin, the two boys decide to wander off so they can see a closer view of the object. The police commissioner and other policemen decide to go closer towards the object and the object shoots a beam which vaporizes them. The Phantom of Krankor then over the device tells the men to not go any closer to the device or they will join their colleagues in being vaporized. Another fly saucer arrives and lands near the device. With that, it is time for our hero to enter the scene. Yes folks, here comes an unknown man, in an Evel Knievel type of outfit.

Evel Knievel Does Not Approve

The unknown man tells the Phantom of Krankor that he and his people should leave. After dodging a few shots from the laser, he tells the Phantom of Krankor that his weapons are useless against him. Remember that warning, because he will say it a lot. The Phantom keeps asking who he is and finally, the unknown man reveals himself to be the Prince of Space.

The Phantom tells the Prince to wait a moment and tries to shoot him with the laser again. Then with his magic wand (yes, he has a wand) he shoots back at the object. Defeated this time, the Phantom has his men retreat from Earth. The Prince of Space gets on his flying saucer and goes after them. A battle of spaceship lasers begins with the Krankor spaceship able to escape in a meteor field. It should be called an asteroid field, but the people who made this movie just think every rock in space is a meteor.

Back on earth, a conference has presumed in a Japanese War Room. They have discussed the recent events and since we know what happened except for the fact that the Prince of Space’s spaceship is back on Earth, we move on. Back at the street corner, Wally appears and when the kids ask where he was, he said he went out to dinner with an old friend. Wally supports the Prince of Space’s actions and says that he would be willing to fight the spacemen himself. The kids just laugh and think he wouldn’t stand a chance.

Anyways, in a cornfield, we find that the spacemen from Krankor have returned. The Krankor spacemen are in search of the Prince of Space. They find his location and decide to go after him. It turns out that the Prince of Space is at an old abandoned concrete building. After finding him, the Phantom of Krankor sends out his underground tank to go after him. The boys are at their home looking at their telescope, one of the boys makes an interesting (and when I say interesting, I mean amusingly stupid) opinion that evil people only come out at night. Looking at the old building, they see that the Phantom of Krankor and his henchmen are walking towards the abandoned building. They decide to go spy on them.

Meanwhile, back at the old building, the Phantom and his henchmen end up finally finding the Prince of Space. The Prince of Space warns the men again that their weapons will have no effect on him or his spaceship. They don’t listen and try to kill him again. Meanwhile, the kids are watching all of this, not knowing that the Phantom sees them. The Phantom then is given a space cannon and wants to try it out on the Prince of Space.

I guess he hasn’t gotten the memo that his weapons are of no effect to the Prince of Space. The Phantom calls out the Prince and tells him that if he doesn’t show up, he is going to kill some children. The Phantom sees and shoots the Prince again, and again the laser has no effect on him. He also receives a few lasers from the Prince’s wand and another warning that his weapons have no effect on him. Once again the Phantom tries and once again, he fails and receives lasers from the Prince. The Phantom gets pissed and now jumps up to face the Prince with fists. Two chase scenes begin as the Phantom goes after the Prince and his henchmen go after the spying children. When the children are cornered, the Prince comes out of nowhere and shoots the henchmen with his wand. The Phantom comes out of nowhere as well and tries to grab one of the kids when he is chased off by the Prince’s wand lasers. The Prince leaves, but before he does, he gives the two children a device that must be used only if they are in trouble from the spacemen from Krankor again. This device will call out to the Prince and supposedly, he will come to save the day.

Meanwhile, at Dr. Mackin’s lab, which is not far from the abandoned building, the boys are seen talking to one of Dr. Mackin’s associates asking if the tests will continue. The children are told to go home so they will be safe. The children try to call the Prince of Space in case there is trouble, but they are grabbed by the spacemen from Krankor, who are there as well. Dr. Mackin goes to head home, but when he opens the door, the Phantom is at the other end to greet him. The Phantom is given the formula for the rocket fuel on the threat that the children will be killed if otherwise. The children are able to escape their clutches and call upon the Prince of Space, who arrives.

The henchmen try to shoot at him again and are killed by his wand lasers. He once again warns the henchmen that their weapons have no effect on him. The Phantom has his henchmen attack the Prince and they are all beaten up. The Phantom is able to steal the formula and escape from the Prince in a small chase scene and blows up the human’s test rocket.

Meanwhile, a civilian airplane carrying some of Dr. Mackin’s colleagues has been captured by the evil spacemen of Krankor. A rescue attempt by a Japanese fighter planes is thwarted when the spacemen use a device from their spaceship to make the fighter plane crash. Back on land, Dr. Mackin leaves his home in a car driven by a chauffeur and tells his son (the other boy) that he will be back later in the night. The scene goes to the Defense Ministry War Room, where they reveal that Dr. Mackin has disappeared. Meanwhile, Dr. Mackin has awakened to see the Phantom of Krankor. The Phantom introduces himself and reveals to Dr. Mackin that the good doctor and his colleagues have been captured. When asked about his chauffer, the Phantom reveals he killed him and does his horrible laugh. The Phantom tells Dr. Mackin that he will show him his weapons in hopes to show Mackin that Earth’s attempts to stop him are futile. Hmmm…..kind of reminds me of a famous Star Trek quote, not that I watch that show.

Resistance Is Futile

The henchmen then inform the Phantom while he is showing Dr. Mackin around that the Prince of Space is following them. The Phantom’s reaction can only be explained by Stone Cold Steve Austin.


Alarmed, the Phantom postpones his tour and has Dr. Mackin returned to his cell while he deals with the Prince of Space. Another spaceship laser battle ensues with a stalemate. The Prince loses the spaceship again in the asteroid field and returns to Earth When the Prince of Space is out of his site, the Phantom believes he has won and has his ship land on Krankor, but not before the Phantom does his evil laugh again. We see that a giant is sitting there and allows the spaceship to land on Krankor. While sitting down, he tells two of his men to make sure that the Prince of Space is dead and if he is on Earth, to find him. The Phantom meets Dr. Mackin and his colleagues in the Great Hall, which appears to be built out of legos. After laughing again, The Phantom shows Dr. Mackin his home on the screen. One of Dr. Mackin’s colleagues demands that he reveal why they are here. The Phantom answers his question by saying he demands nothing and should only obey him. After that, he tells him to basically sit down and shut up. The Phantom then tells the 5 men that they are some of the most respected scientists in the world and their governments respect your opinion. He tells them that he wants them to tell their people that it is useless to oppose Krankor and demand Earth’s surrender. They refuse which makes the Phantom mad, saying he will destroy one of Earth’s major cities as an example of Krankor’s power.

After meeting for a few minutes and hearing these words, the men tell the Phantom that they can only tell of the technology and can’t force political decisions upon the world. The Phantom agrees to those demands and tells them that they will do it so well that the heads of their government will be forced to surrender.

Back on Earth, the spies from Krankor (dressed as earthlings with bandanas over their face to hide their mouths and noses), look for the Prince of Space. They pass by Wally and their radar makes the spacemen realize that Wally, or “Shoe Shine Boy” as they call him, is the Prince of Space. If only those kids knew, they would have to shut up about ridiculing his weakness.

While the spaceship is on Earth, the Phantom has Dr. Mackin explain their technology. He does so and he says he has come to one conclusion…..destroy them. That does not make the Phantom happy and he has Dr. Mackin restrained. He gives the people of Earth an ultimatum, surrender or be exterminated and ends his speech with his laugh again. The Krankor spies are then told to follow Wally aka Prince of Space and make sure that their identities are not known. Wally and the kids enter the house. At the house, the kids find a note from Prince of Space telling them to go to his friend’s house immediately and bring his sister as well. As he feeds his bird, Wally sees the spies and flees. Two of the four spies try to chase and shoot Wally. The Phantom and the rest of the men have arrived and join the spies in chasing Wally. Wally turns into Prince of Space at a graveyard and a battle begins there as well.

They try to shoot the Prince of Space and like before, their weapons have no effect on him (a point he makes again). He does however ask them to fight him barehanded for which they have no problem doing. He of course beats them all up and then Krankor tries with a laser turret that comes out of a car. Using his wand to win again, he boasts once more that the Krankor weapons have no effect on him. The Phantom doesn’t care and once again tries firing at him. After another failed attempt, the Phantom retreats aboard his spaceship. A chase begins again and for the third time, the Phantom uses the asteroid field to get away from him. He of course disappears and the Phantom thinks the Prince has been destroyed. Unknown to him however, the Prince of Space still follows. The spaceship lands and the Phantom enters his headquarters again. He tells his men to make sure that the giant stays up all night just to make sure the Prince of Space is still alive.

At the Great Hall, Dr. Mackin and his colleagues are seated and met by the Phantom.

The Phantom shows the men the giant and reveals that he created the giant to guard his planet. He then shows them a space capsule he has. He says he has five of them and they are for Dr. Mackin and his colleagues. He reveals that he will shoot them off into the farthest reaches of space and hopefully they will land on a star, killing them. He then has Dr. Mackin be the first to go, but this action is interrupted with the Prince of Space’s spaceship arriving. The Prince of Space is about to land when he is met by………..

Damn it Pat, go back to your corner. As I was saying, the Prince of Space is about to land when he is met by…..

Ross Perot, please leave us. As I was saying, the Prince of Space is about to land when he is met by the giant, who does look ugly. Judge for yourself.

A battle ensues as the giant breaths out bad breath and then fire. The end comes when once again the Prince of Space defeats the giant. The Phantom has his gun turrets shoot down the ship and surprisingly, they do. What happened to your weapons can’t destroy me or my ship. The Phantom thinks he has won and gives another bad laugh in victory. With that situation out of the way, the Phantom has his henchmen force Dr. Mackin into the space capsule. They are about to launch him into space, but the Prince of Space kills most of the henchman and saves the day.

More gunfire is sent towards the Prince of Space, who no sells it one more time. After that, The Prince of Space is trapped by a contraption that can only be summarized in one way

Mouse Trap!!!

In the cage they try broil him alive and just in case he does die from that, they have plenty of guns from the walls to shoot him with. When they think they have succeeded, they raise the cage. When they raise it, they find nothing there. But he is alive and reveals himself from the cage and tells them one more times that their weapons wont work on him. And once again, they ignore his warning and try to shoot him. And once again, they do nothing to him. The battle continues with more spacemen being killed by the Prince of Space’s wand lasers. He then tells the Phantom to give up or he has to kill him. They of course fire and run away. The Prince of Space tries to lead Dr. Mackin and his colleagues out. They are trapped in the hallway and the Phantom tells him that he is heading for Earth to conquer it. He leaves and Prince of Space uses his wand to shoot one of the steel doors down. After sending the scientists to a safe place, he corners the Phantom and his remaining henchmen. He reveals that he has booby trapped the room with bombs. After more men die, the Phantom retreats onto his ship. The scientists take another way to ship and get there first, stealing his ship. Unfortunately for the Phantom and his men, more places were booby trapped and they all die as the hero and the scientists escape. The movie ends with children singing and the Prince of Space riding off into space.

Okay….this was by far one of the cheesiest movies I have ever had to witness. However, it is so bad that it becomes funny. The no-selling from the Prince of Space, the over-selling from the henchmen who die, the unending plot holes, and the repetitive nature of this movie has made this a really bad movie. The worst part is these were two movies in Japan and in the US, was turned into one movie. The only redeeming factor is the Phantom of Krankor’s laugh, which has lived on infamy as one of the most forced laughs in movie making history.

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