Friday, May 27, 2011

Ring the Bell for May 24th, 2011

On the May 24th, 2011 show Killa Kev & Friends will talk about the WWE Over The Limit ppv, plus Seth Drakin brings us another segment of his TNA Spoilers to the Rescue.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Monster Crap Inductee: Ghoulies II (1988)

Monster Crap Inductee: Ghoulies II
Ghoulies Go To The Carnival


Two months ago, I inducted the original Ghoulies film and I did do a brief mention of how Ghoulies II was greatness in its complete campiness. I guess it should have come to no surprise that Ghoulies II would quickly be inducted into Monster Crap as well. But let’s get what little history there is to this film out of the way.

Ghoulies II did not see the return of Luca Bercovi to the director’s chair and instead was directed by Charles Band’s father, Arthur. This film had some decent actors who you might have heard of. The role of Uncle Ned would be played by Royal Dano, who had been in several films like playing the role of Ten Spot in The Outlaw Josey Wales and just before this film, he played the cantankerous farmer Gene Green. The female lead in this film is Kelly Remsen, who just before this had played one of the victims in the cult film Pumpkinhead. There are also William Butler (who played Michael in Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood), Donnie Jeffcoat (who played Billy Cassidy in the original Night of the Demons) & Anthony Dawson (who was James Bond’s arch-nemesis Blofeld in From Russia With Love & Thunderball) in this film. But probably the most well known of any of them in this film was one Phil Fondacaro.

In my Leprechaun induction, I listed two midget actors who would probably have gone on to do so much more if they weren’t midgets as both are incredible actors. One was the Leprechaun in that film, Warwick Davis, and the other was Phil Fondacaro. Both were Ewoks in the Return of the Jedi film and both were in the great fantasy film called Willow. But you might also recognize him from a film the Cinema Snob reviewed a while ago in Troll where he played both the Troll and as the sympathetic neighbor Malcolm Malroy. In that film, Malcolm Malroy was dying and the Troll (disguised as a little girl) made friends with him and only turned him into a forest creature to save him from dying. Everyone else in the film that was changed was done by the Troll out of hatred for them. The sad thing with Phil, just like with Warwick, was normally only the B-grade movies really want midget actors so both got stuck with a ton of bad roles. But despite that, each probably gave the best performance in those films……..which is why I also believed that they are the only two midget actors whose size is a detriment.

Now that the small history that I am able to get has been revealed, let’s get to the fun part (in my eyes).

We start this film with a truck driving Satan’s Den (a funhouse carnival attraction) around. In it are Larry and Uncle Ned. Uncle Ned is a bit of a boozehound and Larry is the nephew who wants to be a magician like his uncle.

If I Had A Face Like That, I Would Be A Boozehound As Well. Hell, Mainstream Wrestling And The San Jose Sharks Have Caused Me To Have No Problem Drinking Alcohol.

While speaking with their co-worker on the truck radio, Uncle Ned mentions that an accountant is taking over the carnival and that is not a good sign. After that, we get our opening title card and credits.

Eh…..Okay, But This Is Miles Above The Effort Raging Sharks Used.

Meanwhile, we get some guy running in a misty area with a bag. He is being followed by guys in red robes.

*Sigh* Why Not………….

Through sound effects, we can surmise that in the bag the one man is carrying is a creature. The guy hides in an abandoned garage and is able to lose the red robed pursuers. The man finds a vat of acid and decides that he is going to destroy the creature by dumping it in there. He does so and we learn the man is a priest, although he is not wearing one of those white collars. He is then attacked by a flying creature and ends up being dumped himself into the acid, which kills him instantly.

Bye Bye Fake Priest.

Meanwhile the truck stops at the garage and we learn that the creature the priest threw in earlier survived.

It’s Our Ghoulies…………..YAY

Actually, we learn that there was more than one in that bag as other Ghoulies pop out as well.

Uncle Ned for some reason leaves the backdoor unlocked and our Ghoulies decide to hitch a ride.

Oh yeah, and apparently the flying creature is one of them as well.

Now unlike the last film where the Ghoulies served a master, these Ghoulies have no master and are basically doing stuff out of mischief; which is actually an improvement. The reason they hitch a ride on this truck is because they like the name and design of the truck with Satan’s Den on it. Now also unlike the last film, these creatures actually have legs and you see several times these creatures walking.

The next day, we meet the accountant who drives up in a pretty nifty car so we know this guy is going to be the douche bag.

You Surprised????

He asks the midget painting the sign if he is with the carnival and he introduces himself as Sir Nigel Penneyweight.

Who Is The Guy I Mentioned Earlier, Phil Fondacaro.

He reveals that he is one of the denizens of Satan’s Den and while he tries to be nice, this accountant whose name is Phillip Hardin is a dick to him. But he does add that he wants to see everyone in half an hour.

Larry finds his uncle passed out in Satan’s Den so he tries to let him have his sleep. Phil comes in saying Phillip is here and Larry wakes Uncle Ned up so they can attend the meeting. We also see shots of the Ghoulies already having fun with Satan’s Den.

Oh Those Mischievous Little Imps……..

During the meeting we meet Nicole, who we can tell has a connection with Larry.

Phillip comes onto the stage and talks about the future of the carnival. He mentions that the company has asked for a complete audit of all of its holdings, which include this carnival. He basically says that if any act makes enough money, they have to hit the road. After the speech, he speaks personally with Larry, Uncle Ned, & Sir Nigel and tells them all that Satan’s Den is on the chopping block as it has been losing money for a while. Sir Nigel tries to talk to Phillip, but the douche basically tells him to piss off. He reveals that if Satan’s Den gets shut down, he is going to replace it with mud wrestling.

Larry tries to calm both men down, but Sir Nigel tells them that the carnival audience is not for this old school style funhouse and they want new scares. Larry then tries to have Uncle Ned reprise his role as the Great Fausto for a magic show at the end, but Ned is against it.

Meanwhile, we meet the daughter of one of the carnival workers and she basically shirks her duties because she has a date. It is kind of hinted that she is sort of a ho in that she dates a guy every place the carnival is at. She enters Satan’s Den because her cat went in there after the girl learned she was fired.

She hears meows and thinks it is her cat so she follows. Unfortunately for her, it is one of the Ghoulies doing it to lure her into one of the killer tricks.

The Ghoulies slice her up with that knife.

That night, the carnival is crowded with customers. Inside Satan’s Den, Uncle Ned looks at an old book of magic and makes fun of his old days. He says “Come forward, all ye’ imps and sprites and demons of the spirit world.”

Damn………..This Guy Is Good

He makes a joke about how the Great Fausto commands them and laughs. He then says he doesn’t need demons as he has his own private ones. Uncle Ned puts on his old hat and makes jokes about his own act. Well, he pulls something out of his hat, but it isn’t a rabbit.

How Ya Doing????

This freaks out Ned and he thinks that he may have actually summoned these demons. He calls forth Sir Nigel to see what he has done, but when they return………..the Ghoulies are gone and Sir Nigel thinks Ned has hit the bottle again. Larry shows up to see his great uncle lose his mind and of course, Larry is upset about this as well because he thinks his uncle his drunk again as well.

Meanwhile, at the snake dancer dressing room………Phillip comes in and he has an offer for Nicole and he will wait until after her shows before he tells her. Larry has to become the barker for Satan’s Den and several people show up to be complete assholes including some kids. The five teens go to a certain area of Satan’s Den and decide to fool around. They decide to ditch one of them and we go back to the kids who are still having no fun. Suddenly, one of the Ghoulies appears and throws up on the older kid. This pisses that kid off who throws a ninja star at him. The Ghoulie catches the ninja star with his mouth and starts eating it. The kids decide this is better than Epcot so they decide to get the guys.

The other teens come to the torture chamber and decide to party there. The Ghoulies show up and start wrecking the guys’ stuff. They cut one of the kids, destroy the stereo, and spit on two of the teens kissing. Since that spit is like super glue, those two are stuck together. The kids get other people to join in on Satan’s Den and the place becomes an immediate success because everything things the Ghoulies are not real, but fun in what they do. Four of the teens come out looking like crap and they get laughed at by the crowd. The ditched teen then gets captured by the Ghoulies who decide chain him up to the table while they play with the pendulum. That kid of course is killed.

Satan’s Den becomes an immediate hit thanks to the Ghoulies deadly shenanigans and this confuses Phillip. Phillip then mentions that he is using Sir Nigel’s trailer and Larry jokes about how he will like it. We then see the Ghoulies putting the dead kid in mummy wrap and making him a mummy for the show, and of course the group sees this and thinks it is part of the show. Hell, the little creatures even high-five each other.

Nicole is talking with Phillip and Phillip talks about her old act as a tight rope performer so if you thought this was about Phillip hitting on her, you are wrong. They enter the trailer which Phillip took from Nigel and of course the one joke comes up that because Sir Nigel is a midget, the bed is way too small.

He of course tries to make the most of his small space by jokingly asking Nicole to have a seat in one of the small chairs.

We also see Ned get out of bed with of course, a massive hangover. He is about to take a drink, but thinks about what he saw and puts the bottle back, mentioning that he will show everyone what he saw was real. He goes back to the room where he saw the creatures and sees the mess that was made. He also notices the blood on the pendulum and on the table. Outside Larry sees Nicole coming out of the trailer and gets the idea that she is sleeping her way to success. Phillip goes to Larry and is given the receipt for that night. Phillip is very suspicious and says he will reserve judgment. A police officer shows up with the teens who want to press charges about how dangerous Satan’s Den is. Phillip talks with the cop while the lead teen that got his hand cut by the flying Ghoulie tells that he is going to shut this whole ride down.

Inside, Ned looks over the torture chamber room and sees that the mummy in the room is real, which terrifies him enough so that he tries to send the Ghoulies back from which they came. Unfortunately, they were not summoned by him so they have no reason to listen to him. Instead they attack Ned. Outside, Phillip takes care the officer until the lights turn on for Satan’s Den when Larry said that no one was inside there. Ned gets stabbed by one of the Ghoulies while trying to cast a spell.

But the knife didn’t hit any part of the body so no blood was caused and all this did was delay Ned enough for the Ghoulies to attack again. This time, he is electrocuted and this kills poor Ned.

The group from the outside comes in to see Ned’s body.

Sir Nigel sees this as well and is sadden to see the old drunk dead.

The next day, Larry is still upset about the whole thing and Sir Nigel tries to calm him down. Sadly, Larry gets out of line and goes after Sir Nigel’s height in his fit of anger. This upsets Nigel who quotes some Shakespeare in tears and leaves.

Inside, Nigel is Satan’s Den fixing up some of the props when he also sees the Ghoulies.

Oh My God……………Ned Wasn’t Seeing Things

Nigel runs away in fear.

Outside, Larry confronts Nicole on seeing her come out with Phillip and she reveals that he only offered her a job as a tight rope act. Phillip believes that and says that Hardin tried to buy him out. His response was of course, go to hell. Nicole also reveals that she said no as well as she is afraid of heights, which is awkward for someone who was a tight rope act. Of course she explains that she is afraid of heights now because her brother died in an accident during the act. Big kissing scene happens after she reveals this.

That night, Larry tries to get ready as barker of Satan’s Den and sees that Hardin has taken it over. Phillip then becomes a real douche bag and fires both him and Sir Nigel. Larry runs inside to find Sir Nigel, but he finds Nigel hiding. He tells Larry that what Ned said about the demons was all true and they have killed people. He also showed that he found Patty’s bracelet which had blood on it. While Larry tries to tell Nigel that is false, the Ghoulies show up and Larry also sees this.

Larry wonders how many and Nigel says that he only saw 4, but there could be more. Nigel then shows that the teeth on that creature’s mouth could fit perfectly with Ned’s neck wound. This makes Larry angry and he wants them dead immediately. One of the Ghoulies attacks Larry, but Larry is able to fight him off. Nigel tries to go for help, but outside the two male teens from earlier come in looking for their friend and no one believes the demons are in there. Larry comes and asks for help from the other acts who drop what they are doing and immediately help. Phillip tries to intimidate them all to leave, but they are adamant about helping. Phillip tries to have the cop shoot him, but the cop won’t do it so he is fired.

Meanwhile inside, the Ghoulies have the two teens bound to torture devices and plan on killing them.

There is a crowd watching, but they believe this is all an act so they don’t help. Larry and his friends come in to help and save the two asshole teens from getting kid. Phillip also sees the little monsters, but being the asshole he is….he wants the creatures alive. In a fight, the shotgun makes a hole in the wall, which also has the dead body from the girl earlier drop out of the sarcophagus. This also allows the Ghoulies to run amok in the whole carnival.

Larry tries to get Hardin to close the carnival, but Hardin offers $1,000 to anyone who can capture one of the creatures alive. Larry responds by socking Phillip in the face. One of the creatures slides into the dancers’ tent and has fun with the dancers.

How Much For A Private Dance???

This scares the dancers off and Nicole realizes what is going on. Meanwhile 2 more Ghoulies have fun with the shooting gallery.

This is probably my favorite scene in the whole movie because it shows just how fun these little bastards are. Another Ghoulie joins in on the fun and the one Ghoulie with the gun tries to shoot him as well.

I’m Gonna Kill You, Ya Bastards

Another Ghoulie decides to scare off the people from the hammer attraction.

A punching exhibit is also invaded by the Ghoulies who decide to knock some guy out with it a boxing glove.

Included Were Cheesy Bird Sound Effects To Say The Guy Was Knocked Out

Oww………My Head Hurts

A Ghoulie then goes into the dunking tank and once the clown falls in, he gets his arm bitten off.

More shenanigans ensue as the Ghoulies now invade the bumper cars.

One of the Ghoulies also invades the flying cars ride and screws the bolts to one of the cars so it flies off in the distance.

In the bumper cars, a girl gets knocked out and run over by the Ghoulies.

GTA Ghoulies-Style

Everyone now starts running as Larry, Nigel, & Nicole try to figure out how to stop the chaos. Phillip seeing that his career is ruined tries to hide.

In The Bathroom

Unfortunately, what he didn’t know that the toilet he is using………..

Is Inhabited By A Ghoulie.

This goes about as well as you would expect.

The Painful Way Of Going Ass To Mouth

You Don’t Go Ass To Mouth

Yeah, Phillip is dead…….moving on. The three main characters create a pentagram and try to chant the incantation. But the flying Ghoulie steals the book and puts it on top of the Ferris Wheel. Now instead of the usual method of going to the control and getting the cart down, Nicole instead decides to climb up the Ferris Wheel to get it.

No Way This Can Go Wrong (Sarcasm)

But besides a moment where it seems like Nicole might fall thanks to the flying Ghoulie, she is able to get the book back safely. The spell is then cast, but instead of the creatures disappearing, one giant creature appears.

It immediately eats the flying creature so yes, expulsion of demons means a larger demon has to come and eat the smaller ones. The enchanters of magic certainly had a sense of humor about them. It goes after the other creatures, eating them as well.

The monster returns and thinks Sir Nigel is one of the Ghoulies as well. They then decide to make a fake dummy of Nigel with a Molotov cocktail in it

This works well as the monster eats it.

This does kill the creature.

I’m Gonna Need A Pepto-Bismol

Too Late

The day is saved as the Ghoulies are no more. The next day, the carnival workers tell lies about what happened including teenagers with heavy metal music. Larry and Nicole leave in a truck and live happily ever after.

The End??

Not…………there is a flushing toilet in the bathroom which indicates that the one Ghoulie who went ass to mouth survived. Now the movie ends.

Now there were 2 more Ghoulies films (neither of which I own so it will be a while). Ghoulies III was said to be way too silly and Ghoulies IV was a film that had “no Ghoulies”. Also neither film had anything to do with Charles Band so those two films can go screw themselves. Arthur Band would go on to direct the first 2 Prehysteria films which I was a fan of as a little kid, but I haven’t seen them in ages. Arthur sadly passed away in 2002. Royal Dano would go on to do two more films (one of which that will probably be inducted into Monster Crap one day in Spaced Invaders) before he passed away in 1994. Sasha Jenson (who played the secondary asshole teen) would be in films like Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, but made his biggest impact as Don Dawson in Dazed and Confused. Phil Fondacaro still gets bad roles all the time. I think the last good role he had was as an elf in The Polar Express and as the club owner Chihuahua in Land Of The Dead.

Anyway, boy is this a huge improvement over the original Ghoulies. While it still may be considered a bad film, it completely embraces its campiness and is able to get decent jobs by its entire cast except for Phil Fondacaro, who is amazing as usual. The Ghoulies have a mischievous fun to their antics and the carnival setting is the perfect backdrop for a bunch of miniature creatures causing shenanigans. There isn’t much gore, but that is because it was cut by the censors and sadly those scenes have never been restored. If you are looking for a movie to watch about the Ghoulies, skip the first film and go directly to Ghoulies II. You won’t miss much as there isn’t really any storyline connection between the two films. While Monster Crap does mention the extremely awful films that are not enjoyable at all, the reality is the best inductions are done by films that are fun and this is one of them.

Well, I’m sure you are wondering why there was no poll to decide the next induction; well I have decided to make an induction of a film that some were wondering why it was not on the GINO Award and the reason for that was there was no DVD of the film yet. Because the DVD was released this month, it would technically be 2011 and would have to wait for the 2011 GINO Award poll, but screw that…………I want to do it now. And what film could make me do an instant induction?