Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Monster Crap Inductee: Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Monster Crap Inductee: Jaws: The Revenge
Too confused to even put up a subtitle.

When I ask 10 people what to name a movie about killer sharks, 10 of those people will tell me the same movie…….Jaws. Now why would they say that movie? Simple.

Before 1975, Gone with the Wind was still the biggest box office draw ever and Stephen Spielberg was merely an aspiring director. However, Steven, with some convincing from good friend Robert Duvall, unleashed upon the world Jaws. This movie, about a killer shark, was so scary that people would need months of counseling before they ever went back in the water. The movie also became the first movie to unseat Gone with the Wind as the biggest box office draw in history and made Steven Spielberg a made man in Hollywood as far as directing goes.

However, the thing that most people do not know is that the film Jaws was not really the film that Spielberg had intended it to be. In fact, most of the scary scenes in the movie were because the animatronic shark that was meant to be shown throughout the movie was faulty most of the time so he had to replace those scenes with scenes of camera angles meant to see what the shark sees. Steven also was not able to get many of the actors that he had originally intended. Basically, there were a whole lot of bad things that would make any man go insane

Jaws: The Revenge director Joseph Sargent also was able to have the luck that Spielberg did not get in getting actors to join in. He was able to get huge actor Michael Caine to join the cast. In fact, Michael Caine missed the Oscars to do this movie. This should have been an easy box office smash.

However, it didn’t work out that way and became a critic’s worst nightmare. What Happened? It is time to explain this failure as I officially induct Jaws: The Revenge into Monster Crap

In the beginning, we see one of the Brody sons Sean get eaten by the shark. I almost forgot about the scary music that was in the original Jaws, it also was in this movie as well. However, not everything was made to make since. In fact, according to Jaws: The Revenge…..Jaws 3 never happened despite the fact that the working title of this film was Jaws 4. Also, in the beginning of this wonderful movie, you are able to see the ship The Orca in the background. In the original Jaws, this ship sank thanks to the killer shark so once again; this movie makes no sense early on.

I Really Do Hate That They Killed This Character Off Before This Movie Even Happened. An Important Character Like Chief Brody Should Have His Death Shown On-Screen.

At the funeral to Sean Brody, widow Ellen Brody is convinced that a shark killed her son. However, her brother Michael Brody doesn’t believe her, saying that dad killed the shark

This once again despite that fact that different versions have Jaws have appeared twice since Brody killed the original and Michael Brody also saw Jaws come back in Jaws 3. Oh wait, Jaws 3 doesn’t count according to Jaws: The Revenge. Oh also he says that great whites can never come up this far since its warm water. Funny, in the original Jaws and Jaws 2, which they count, Jaws was a great white and it came up in the same area. You got to love the confusion this movie is instilling upon us.

To calm the widow Brody down, she is set up with pilot Hoagie Newcombe, a pilot.

Yes, It Is Our Good Friend Michael Caine

However, her fears are turned real as more people die while she is on her trip.

Both Michael Brody and Mr. Witherspoon who is played by Mario Van Peebles, sees that Jaws is in fact back

If There Is A Worse Jamaican Accent That Mario's, Let Me Know. Scratch That, Don't Let Me Know Because I Personally Don't Care

He ends up regretting that decision after the shark decides to eat him……or not?

In one version, he is dead and in another version, the shark supposedly missed him. Supposedly, Mario didn’t want to get killed by the shark in this film. Who the hell is Mario Van Peebles to refuse a death in a film? Louis Gosset Jr. and Robert Shaw got killed by the shark and they were definitely better actors than Mario Van Peebles. The movie finally ends in the worst way possible. Jaws spontaneously combusts after getting shot with flashlight looking device that electrocutes him. But there is also another ending. This ending involves that flashlight device; however the shock distracts the shark so much that he stands on his tail for like 15 seconds before he is impaled by part of the boat. Once again, Jaws: The Revenge confuses me. Back then, we didn’t know sharks could jump so the ending was written off as pathetic. Don’t believe me that the ending looks bad. Here you go.
Like I said, it looks bad. However, this movie is a precursor to real life as Great Whites can jump. They may not be able to stand on its tail for 15 seconds. But they can do this.


  1. Nice post. I love the fact that other people feel strongly about this movie. I wrote an essay on one of the scenes in this movie that you might dig.

    Two parts. Check it out.

  2. I am not really confortable when talking about incest.....even if it is only implied.

  3. i luv this movie! u r rite! Chief Brody is such an important character and should've had an on-screen death. The other only part I dont like was that they killed off Sean. He was my favorite!!!!

  4. We all have our guilty pleasures so I have no problem with you saying you love the movie.

    The Sean death, while I have no problem with it, was a bit too quick in my eyes.