Friday, June 29, 2012

Seth & Mike's Impact Implosion for June 28, 2012 (WRESTLING??)

Impact delivered a quality show this week and showed both Mike and myself that the X-Division is alive and well with the two matches that division offered. The Austin Aries vs Robert Roode buildup has been simple booking between two major egos and yet, it works very well making many (including myself) want to order Destination X this year to see the epic encounter between these two. Yes, we did have the stupid Claire Lynch storyline continue and a new revelation came out about that, but all the crap got cancelled out by some very good wrestling.

Oh and PS.....forgot to correct myself on the show from last week, but that whole cancer thing with Taeler Hendrix last week was a mis-diagnosis. Just wanted to write that in before I forget......yet again.

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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Monster Crap: Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College (1991)

Monster Crap Inductee: Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College
And Flunk Out


Well, it is June and as you all know, kids are getting out of school for summer vacation and high school seniors are graduating and most are getting prepared to go to college. With all that, let’s go back to the franchise that joins Godzilla and Gamera as the franchise with more than two films inducted into Monster Crap, the Ghoulies. You see, after the enjoyable romp that was Ghoulies 2, Full Moon probably figured out that if their monsters show their mischievous side, then they might make good movies with them. And in Ghoulies III, the filmmakers decided that the Ghoulies should talk, which is a smart move.

But of course, with some good things……there are some drawbacks. Like for some reason, the number of Ghoulies is at only 3. Yes, several of the Ghoulies from the sequel were left out of this third one. The director of this third film would be the guy whose effects created the Ghoulies, John Carl Buechler, who at this time also had several directorial films under his belt. Sadly none of his films have been any that I have liked. The two films that he did before this were 1986’s Troll…..

Remember How I Ripped On Troll 2, Well………..The Predecessor To That Film Was Not Even Enjoyably Bad

And of course, he did Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Despite The Great Effects On Jason, This Is One Of My Least Favorite of the Friday The 13th films.

So the director has a suspicious track record as far as I am concerned and as for the actors, well………only one of them had really done anything at the time this straight to video film was done and that is Kevin McCarthy…..

When he was younger, Kevin starred in the 1956 science fiction classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers. He also was the disillusioned Biff Loman in the 1951 screen adaptation of Arthur Miller’s classic Death of A Salesman. But for all of you young folks out there, you might know him as……

As Evil Network Exec RJ Fletcher In 1989’s UHF

So yeah, not too much promise so let’s get into this film.

We begin this film with the opening title.

So Just Ghoulies Go To College…..No Ghoulies III In The Film??? Okay……….

We then learn that we are 21 years ago from the present.

During this past, at a random college dorm (a dilapidated one at that), some kid encounters the Ghoulies and tries to lock them into a comic book. The Ghoulies try to stop him, but in the end…….they are locked into the comic, but the guy is locked into the comic book as well. Although as you will learn, this kid will never show up again unlike the Ghoulies so I guess he was killed somehow.

We then go to present day with Glazier College.

We learn that today is day one of Prank Week, something that goes on in this college and the winning fraternity is given a trophy. Now I don’t know about college back then or college now, but I would think if you gave an award to the biggest prankers, it would go a little overboard and result in an arrest, but what the heck do I know? Apparently the Gammas have the trophy and the Betas want it. We see pranks being commenced like……..

Throwing Eggs At Banners

Putting A Condom On The Statue Of Their Mascot


Stealing A Stuffed Goat

Timing The Sprinklers Just Right So That They Turn On While People Are Walking Through, Getting Them Wet

Hanging Up Stolen Goat And Dressing It Up In Ridiculous Fashion

Rigging A Mop So That The Janitor Accidentally Knocks The Bucket Down The Stars

Of course that last stunt goes a little overboard because first while trying to get the mop, the janitor accidentally rams his gonads into a stair rail.

Then a guy tying his shows gets picked up by the bucket….

This all ends up with the guy running into a professor with a bunch of papers, and all those papers are surely ruined.

We then go to the same dorm that we saw in the beginning and a guy is writing something on the stall.

You Know, I’m Already Missing The Ghoulies

Anyway, through an accident………he finds the comic hidden in the wall.

He starts reading the comic, but gets interrupted by his frat buddies who say it’s the start of prank week and they need to get busy.

We then meet the Betas, who are led by Skip Carter. While walking, we see some of their pranks………like a guy getting water from a water fountain squirted on his pants and an ejector bench.

The Gammas, led by Jeremy Heilman, are planning a stunt on Professor Ragnar and another teacher Miss Boggs. This Professor Ragnar (played by Kevin McCarthy) hates prank week so like any comedy, he must be the bad guy.

Now somehow because the Betas are idiots falling for a trap, the Gammas hit Ragnar with water filled condoms and the Betas get blamed.

Skip tries to proclaim his innocence, but Ragnar doesn’t believe him for one second. He even warns Skip that if he catches them one more time, they will be expelled. The Gammas show up to gloat even though the two they hit are within a few feet and CAN HEAR YOU (of course this doesn’t come into play with the teachers, but with someone else later). Both teams have some words, but this is all pointless other than Gammas won the crown last time and Betas want it back.

We then meet Erin Riddle, who is the ex-girlfriend of Skip. He tries to get her to like him again while warning her that the candy is wax. He explains that he didn’t stand her up on their date, he just forgot. He then talks about the pressure he is under for prank week, but Erin thinks this whole prank schtick is more important than her in his eyes, and she doesn’t want that. He tries to put the moves by saying that she should let a charming attractive guy escort her to class and Erin accepts……..but not from Skip.

But From Jeremy Instead……

You know……..for every time this Jeremy guy shows up………I’m gonna play Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” for myself and show a clip from the music video for you so here we go.

Anyway, Skip is not happy that Jeremy is stealing his girl as we get some sad music and then interrupted with a classroom full of students messing up the place.

Ragnar comes in and puts a stop to this causing everyone to be seated.

When RJ Fletcher Speaks, You Better Listen

Ragner makes a speech about how this is an institution of learning and he will not tolerate any of these pranks going on in his classroom.  He then talks about the story of Pandora’s Box, which gets some juvenile laughs. Yes………….laugh at the ides of Pandora’s lovely box, you disgust me kids.

He has other students who are making out in class, which he puts a stop too. In high school, that was grounds for a trip to the principal’s office……..not that I partook in any classroom making out, I merely saw others doing it and saw what happened when they got caught. Unfortunately the male guy making out stupidly didn’t grab is class book and instead grabbed the comic book. Ragnar confiscates the comic book. He starts to read the book out loud and stops before the Ghoulies are released again. Ragnar does keep the comic and thankfully we will get back to class. Ragnar wants to have a pop quiz, but a planted inflatable gator interrupts that.

Ragnar stops the laughs by saying that besides being Professor of Humanities, he is also Dean if Students and their graduation is in his hands. He says if this prank war continues, the axe will fall.

We then cut to a Beta cutting a pizza with an axe.

We are apparently at a party for the Betas, where we meet Kyle, who loves to talk about his awesome stereo.

As You Will Find Out Later, This Actor Actually Had A Notable Career. But Seriously If This Movie Is Anything, I Really Don’t Know How….

We also meet Wes who is making out with Veronica. They decide to take the action upstairs.

The door is rang and when Skip goes to answer it, he is met by Officer Barcus.

The two talk outside, remarking on Barcus’ upgrades to his vehicle. 

Barcus warns Skip about his orders to watch the Betas, all the while missing Mooky putting a blow up doll in his vehicle, and the car being driven away with no one driving.

Erin stumbles in on Skip trying to get a naked woman’s head unstuck from a deer head and gets the wrong idea. Skip tries to explain what is going on, but Erin explains that she is just there to give him back his letterman’s jacket and break up with him. She is then picked up by Jeremy.

Back at the school, Ragnar is actually reading the comic and officially summoning the Ghoulies.

Strange Random Toilet

Anyway, the first Ghoulie that appears is the Fish Ghoulie, followed by the Cat Ghoulie and the Rat Ghoulie.

They each have their own voice actors in Patrick Pinney (Fish), Richard Kind (Cat), and Bob Bergen (Rat). Now they are uncredited by the film, but as I will explain later………two of these guys stayed as voice actors and one of them actually did a well known TV series starring Michael J. Fox (and later Charlie Sheen). But you are actually going to have to believe this, but even with Kevin McCarthy in this film, these three Ghoulies are the best part of the film and if more of the film was as good as the Ghoulies, this film might have deserved more than this crappy DVD release (it doesn’t).

Anyway, the Ghoulies do a bit of Three Stooges comedy before being they decide to take a tour around the facility. The Betas decide to leave the house to prank which leaves Wes and Veronica to have sex upstairs. Of course, the Ghoulies hear the moans and decide to investigate.

Hello, Hello, Hello……………….HELLO!!!!!

The Ghoulies are about to attempt to get it on with Veronica, but Ragnar summons them to his office. They ridicule him before Ragnar sends them away…..sending them back to the bedroom. Wesley hears the toilet flush and decides to investigate. Unfortunately for him when he investigates, the Ghoulies decide to kill him by flushing him down the toilet.

Back at the college, Ragnar has realized that the Ghoulies work for him and has an idea. Back at the dorm, the Ghoulies decide to have some fun, but accidentally have some clothes fall on them and thus………the Ghoulies now have costumes to “blend in”.

They take an axe to Kyle’s stereo and overall just make a mess on the place while Mooky is none the wiser. Then, they decide on a beer run by raiding the Betas’ beer collection.

The Holy Grail Of Beer Collections For The Ghoulies

Sadly, There Was No Holy Grail Ale In The Fridge

Meanwhile, Skip and Mooky decide to attempt a prank on the Gammas. We go back to the Ghoulies, who have drank all the beer.

And I Do Mean All The Beer…..Damn, These Ghoulies Would Make The Late Ted Kennedy Blush

The other two Ghoulies try to prank Cat Ghoulie with a drain cleaner and sadly for them, Cat Ghoulie feels no effects and says that it feels less filling.

Even Did The Whole “Tastes Great, Less Filling” Nonsense

Back with Skip and Mooky, they see Jeremy’s scooter (no, I will not do a Pearl Jam “Jeremy” clip because the guy is not in this scene). They hook the scooter to the lid of the nearby dumpster, but unknown to them………after they leave, the Ghoulies arrive on the scene.

That Beer Has Given Them Teleportation Powers

They hear about this prank week and decide to “upgrade” the prank by destroying the scooter and hanging it on a tree.

The next day, the Betas finally get home and see that their house is a wreck. They of course think the Gammas trashed their house and the Gammas think the Betas trashed Jeremy’s scooter. When Skip tries to question Veronica about the whereabouts of Wes, she tries to hit on him.

Her bra breaks and Skip tries to fix it, but Erin comes in and once again, she gets the wrong idea. You know Erin……….you dumped his ass for his rival right in front of his boys; you really should stop caring what he does. Anyway, Erin ridicules him for what happened with Jeremy’s scooter. And since Jeremy is here…..

Outside, Skip tells Mooky that he plans on getting Erin back. Look……….I know this seems like you love her Skip, but at what point are you going to say “Screw Her” and move on. She’s humiliated you several times and has still had the nerve to judge you for things she doesn’t understand. Skip expresses his doubts about the Gammas trashing their dorm and then sees what happened to Jeremy’s scooter and know that someone else is definitely involved. Barcus questions the two on the incident, but the Ghoulies pull a prank on him that ends in our campus security guy getting electrocuted.

Surprisingly, Barcus Does Not Die From This

Ragnar then summons the Ghoulies to his office and tells the Ghoulies that he is their master. If they don’t do whatever he says, he will burn the comic, which screws the Ghoulies. He tells them to steal the prank crown that the Gammas have. Ragnar says that he wants to start a war to end all frat wars and all frats. They are sent to the Gamma dorm, where they steal the prank crown.

Barcus meets up with Erin in her dorm and explains that Panty Raids will be happening tonight and if the panties were with someone safe (himself), then they would not be stolen. Unsurprisingly, Erin says no to his little offer. This little moment is interrupted by the Ghoulies stealing Barcus’ vehicle.

The Ghoulies crash it into a tree. Meanwhile, the Gammas see that their crown has been stolen and plan to get revenge on the Betas once and for all.

Since Jeremy is in this scene, I guess I have to continue my game..

In the library, Skip once again tries to get back with Erin and promises to end all of his pranking ways, which works as the two are set up a date for tomorrow at 8. The Ghoulies give Ragnar the crown and Ragnar tells the Ghoulies to kill him so he can get all of their powers. This is something the Ghoulies refuse to do so. He keeps goading him, but this whole conversation is interrupted by Miss Boggs. She tells Ragnar that she has found the history of the comic book (known as Ghoulish Tales). She says that an underground comic book was made, but never published. We see that Boggs has an allergy to cats and with one of the Ghoulies being a Cat Ghoulie…..that pretty much blows their cover.

They ask if she is famous….which is a reference to the actress playing Miss Boggs, Marcia Wallace, who is quite famous. Not only did she play Carol Kester in the Bob Newhart show (which they do mention), but she got big fame as a voice actor for The Simpsons as………

Bart’s Teacher, Edna Krabappel

But since we know who she is……….she has to die, via getting her tongue pulled far out. They let go and the tongue wraps around her.

Ragnar is not amused that they killed Boggs so he sends them on their way. At the girls dorm, Mooky and the rest of the Betas (not named Skip) try to do a panty raid. The girls have a plan, but Veronica tries to help the boys by leaving her window open. She then does a striptease and shows some boobs…..

Which I’m Sure Beavis & Butthead Would Love.

But not only do they love the show as I am sure every horny guy out there is…….

So Is Barcus…..Before He Is Knocked Off The Tree And Replaced By….

The Ghoulies!!!!!

Veronica then goes to take a shower and the Ghoulies enter the dorm. Downstairs, the guys try the panty raid, but they fall for the trap and are attacked by the girls, who wield pillows. I would show the panty raid ambush, but there is some nudity and I will not show boobs on my page. However, while that is going on………the Ghoulies are having their own fun with Veronica’s undergarments. Then, they watch three girls take a shower. Like I said……no boobs, but I can show the Ghoulies’ reaction.

Anyway, two of the girls leave (somehow without noticing the Ghoulies), which leaves only Veronica and the Ghoulies decide to kill her.

With A Plunger To The Face
Zeke The Plumber Approves (Seriously, Do You Know How Long I Have Wanted To Work A Zeke The Plumber Reference? Let’s Just Say A Long Damn Time.)

The next day, Barcus confronts Skip about wrecking his vehicle last night, something that Skip denies. Skip then meets with Erin, who believes he was involved with the panty raid last night, something he also denies…..but Erin dumps him again just because he “knew” there was going to be a panty raid or as she says, “even if he wasn’t there, he didn’t try to stop them”. I know she is probably going to end up back with him, but honey……….I have my middle finger extended as hard as I can for you. This is college and he is part of a dorm, even if he did try to stop them, the fact that he is the leader wouldn’t have meant a damn thing.

The rest of the Betas try to walk by, but Skip sees them and confronts them on the panty raid. They explain that they got freaking ambushed by the girls, but Skip says someone raided Erin’s panties and then the other pranksters start doing the smart thing and ask where his allegiances are. Then at Ragnar’s class, Skip gets framed by Jeremy….

Anyway….Skip gets framed for blowing up Ragnar’s desk and gets thrown out.

Skip proclaims his innocence, but leaves and the other Betas join him, knowing that Skip didn’t do it. He even warns Ragnar that he is going to find the jerk that has been doing all these rotten things because no one is going to deny him his future. Back at the dorm, Skip didn’t want his friends to screw their future for him, but the other Betas have other plans because since they are on the verge of expulsion anyways…… is time to get one more act of revenge on the Gammas. However, Skip wants nothing to do with it.

Wait….Wait…….That One Guy Looks Familiar

*looks up IMDB*

Oh Dear God……

It’s “Maniac” Marshall from Wing Commander!!!!!

Yes, it’s Matthew Lillard in his acting debut. I kid you not, that is true……so not only did the Ghoulies franchise give us Mariska Hargitay (Ghoulies), but it also gave us Matthew Lillard. I have a few problems with this information. 1) Mariska Hargitay was a good gift and Matthew Lillard is not, and 2) I have gotten only one film appearance from the likes of Brad Dourif, Andrew Divoff, and Robert FUCKING Englund (even if he was only directing), and I get two inductions from Matthew Lillard.

Life Is Sometimes So Unfair

Back at Ragnar’s class, after the students are all gone………the professor wants the Ghoulies to kill Skip because he might ruin his plans to end the frats. At the halls, Jeremy brags about how they framed Skip, but sadly for him……….Erin hears what he did.

Erin then dumps Jeremy right in front of his frat mates and leaves. Oh and since the game is still continuing.

After Erin leaves, Jeremy plans huge vengeance on Skip. Erin then goes to Skip and says she dumped Jeremy and also believes him, so they get back together. The Ghoulies enter the room to try and kill Skip, but of course…….they get distracted by random stuff and upstairs, Erin says she will be with him when he tries to explain to Ragnar that Jeremy framed him. One of Jeremy’s goons tries to prank Skip with a giant stink bomb, but he gets attacked by the Ghoulies.

They catch the bomb the goon had and throw it outside before it explodes.

It Instead Explodes On Barcus. Once Again…..Barcus Survives

Erin and Skip try to go to Ragnar’s office and explain what happen, but they find out about Ragnar’s evil plans.

Finding The Body Of Miss Boggs & The Prank Crown

They try to run away, but are cornered by Jeremy and the Gammas.

The Gammas beat up Skip while Erin tries to get help; unfortunately for her…..she is captured by Ragnar and the Ghoulies. Erin screams and Skip wants to help her, but Jeremy says that the bitch ain’t worth it so he gets a punch to the face. 

Skip then goes to help Erin, who has been tied and gagged.

Ragnar wants to know who else knows about his plans, but she won’t tell him so he threatens to have the Ghoulies torture her. She tries to call for Skip, but Ragnar says that he had Skip killed. Of course, Skip shows up, confirming to Ragnar that he is not dead. Skip saves Erin and is able to grab the comic book……..calling on the Ghoulies to kill Ragnar, which they more than happily do.

Unfortunately, because Ragnar summoned the Ghoulies, his death at their hands means he consumes their power and the Ghoulies and Ragnar become one giant monster, which confronts the two at the Beta dorm.

Jeremy is there as well, but he trips while running and gets knocked out.

Skip and Erin run away from the Ragnar Ghoulie for a few minutes, finally defeating him by destroying the comic book, by flushing it down the toilet.

Barcus comes in and confronts Skip on the bomb, who says Jeremy did it and unfortunately for Jeremy………he had a stick of dynamite which he was going to use to frame his rival for an administration building explosion. Barcus then tells Jeremy that he is out of here and takes him away. The Betas come in to see Skip and Erin kiss and everything ends happily.

Oh, but we get one more wink from the Ghoulies as the movie ends.

Ah, aftermaths………aftermaths. Well, this movie is mostly forgotten and was just recently released on DVD, but that didn’t stop many people from finding a career. Bob Bergen (who did the voice of the Rat Ghoulie) is currently the voice of Porky Pig in any current Looney Tunes product. Richard Kind (who did the voice of the Cat Ghoulie) was very well known for being on the hit ABC Series “Spin City”.

Yep, He Was Paul Lassiter

Former Playboy Playmate Hope Marie Carlton (who played Veronica) did a couple of cameos (including a cameo of two episodes of the soft-core porn series Hotel Erotica) before retiring. Billy Morrisette (who played Wes) married ER’s Maura Tiernay and she eventually divorced him. Patrick Labyorteax (who played Mookey) became Lt. Bud Roberts in the hit TV series JAG. Marcia Wallace is still getting money as the voice of Mrs. Krabappel on the Simpsons. Eva La Rue (who played Erin Riddle) went on to be Natalia Boa Vista in CSI: Miami. I think you all know about Matthew Lillard, who I am sure will show up on Monster Crap…..yet again. But you remember when I said that Kyle (the guy talking about his stereo) actually had a career that you would not expect. Well, this is that actor now.

Yes, that was Jason Scott Lee in this film and he went on to be an ass kicker in some low grade action films. In fact, in the crappy Bruce Lee biopic, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, he was Bruce Lee. So while all the ladies were insulting him in this film, just remember that he was just playing a role and in real life, he can probably kick your ass.

But it is time for the sad news with Professor Ragnar himself, Kevin McCarthy. He had shown no signs of retiring, but in 2010 (at the age of 96), pneumonia sadly took him from us. He will be missed.

Now for my personal opinions on the movie. Well, while it is not as good as Ghoulies II, it is still better than the original Ghoulies. The Ghoulies were very funny and some of the acting from the human cast was good, but with a bad script, bad directing, and some bad acting……..this movie is deservedly forgettable. However, this was not the last Ghoulies movie because there was one more made called Ghoulies IV, which I will tell you now……….is the worst Ghoulies movie. But we will get to that turd some other day, but for now…….this will be the last Ghoulies movie for a while (I thankfully don’t own Ghoulies IV).

And now it’s time to find out what the 99th induction will be. I’ve known what the 100th one would be for two years now and sadly, the old Randomizer broke beyond repair (and that Randometer is dead as well), but before that happened…………I was able to get one last film from it and with a title like this, it seems perfect for this site.