Two Successful Franchises Can Still Equal One Piece of Crap
Whoever Wins, We Lose
- Official tagline for Alien vs. Predator
Sadly, the tagline is only half-right. Allow me to introduce to you the new, revised tagline that sums up this movie perfectly.
But before we get to this stinker, let’s begin with a few historical notes.
In 1962, the first movie to bring two classic franchises together, King Kong vs. Godzilla was a huge success and is still considered the most successful Godzilla movie of all time.
With all of that happening, this should have been a guaranteed success. I was in fact one of the first people in line to see the movie. I had a free ticket due to the fact that I bought the Predator Special Edition DVD. I was so excited to see the movie and everyone else that saw it with me was excited. Remember, history says that this should have been a success. What happened?
In the beginning of the movie, we see a satellite which has just located a temple several hundred feet under Antarctica. Now, while there is no way that this could even be possible, this is a monster movie so we can suspend our disbelief. Anyways….Weyland Industries, headed by Charles Bishop Weyland (played by Lance Henriksen), decides that it needs an expedition. Now, for you Alien fans, you might remember that they revealed that Bishop was in the Alien 3 movie as a real person and that movie was supposed to set in the way distant future. I know he was a cyborg in the first and second one. But in the third one, they revealed it was the real person. How was it possible for Bishop to exist 3 or more centuries before Alien 3? Personally, I don’t know and at the time, I didn’t care. But I should have known something wasn’t right.
Oh, but don’t go letting the fat lady sing yet. One Alien is still alive. The Queen somehow escaped and our lone Predator is not lucky as he is killed instantly, which leaves us with Alexa. Surely, she couldn’t stand a chance. I mean, she didn’t have the big robot that Sigourney Weaver had.
Alexa defeats the giant Queen and sends her into the Antarctic Ocean, where most likely she will be frozen forever and ever. Now, after everything is done, the Predator mother ship appears. Surely, Alexa is in trouble now, right?
Wrong for a third time…..
So what was the problem and why did this film fail. The answer is very simple. Besides the fact that the script sucks, several things that Predator and Alien fans hold dear are broken once again
Two, Alexa Wood does not have the physical appearance that both Ripley and Dutch have. Ripley is played by Sigourney Weaver, who is probably one of the tallest actresses in Hollywood at 5’11. In fact, in the 2000 version of the Guinness Book of Records, she was in fact the tallest actress in the business. And Sigourney Weaver is no couch potato either. She is extremely strong. Yet, even with her strong physique, she barely beats the Alien in all four movies. Dutch is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arnold Freakin Schwarzenegger!!! We all know that Arnold had the appearance to kick almost anyone’s ass. However, in Predator, he barely beats the Predator, only winning because the Predator fell into a trap.
Three, like I said, Bishop is not supposed to be dead 3 or more decades earlier. In fact, he is supposed to be alive in Alien 3. But instead, he is killed early in the film at the hands of one of the juvenile Predators.
With all of those rules broken, it is no wonder why this was a failure and no wonder why it was killed by everyone. However, I have been informed that despite the failures of the first Alien vs. Predator, there was a sequal made, so I watched the sequel.