Saturday, November 26, 2016

Monster Crap Inductee: Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Monster Crap Inductee: Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Jason Meets…A Carrie Rip-Off


Well, curiosity killed the cat as when I did a poll for this month’s induction which covers films that have connections with inductions 51-100 and it was pretty convincing that you all decided that I get to go back to Camp Crystal Lake and induct another film about our favorite undead hockey mask-wearing slasher. Now before we have inducted Jason when he went to Manhattan and when he went into outer space. But this time, we get to see Jason fight an enemy who horror fans have been wanting Jason to fight for years.

Well, they wanted that, but the problems were that well…the two slasher villains were owned by two different companies and the two companies didn’t see eye to eye on how the film should go. So instead the filmmakers had tease a Carrie so they could get Jason vs. Carrie. But first I have to talk about Carrie.

In 1974, a young author named Stephen King would write his first of many horror bestsellers with the book about a shy girl who is bullied by other students and abused by her psychotic religious mother, who finds she has telekinetic powers and awakens her powers in the most terrifying and murderous way during prom, thanks to a horrible prank. The book was a huge hit and would become adapted to a well-made movie by Brian De Palma and starring Academy Award Winning Actress Sissy Spacek.

It became a huge film and so the people who were making this film decided this film needed a Carrie, but they can’t get the real Carrie White from the Carrie film because well, spoiler: Carrie died at the end of the story. So they had to instead create a new character who would have the same telekinetic powers and the same immaturity to originally not be able to control her powers.

And since the idea was made, we needed a director and the director role was given to special effects wizard John Carl Buechler. If that name sounds familiar here in Monster Crap, well…years after this film would get made, he would direct…

He Also Did The Effects For Ghoulies 1 & 2.

So we may be very familiar with Buechler and if you know one thing, his effects are very good. Also, we needed a cast and first, we need someone who could don the Jason Voorhees costume and that went to a man Buechler worked with in a film called Prison and had to convince the producers to go with, Kane Hodder instead of CJ Graham, who was Jason in Part VI and was more than willing to come back as Jason. Based on the fact that Kane Hodder would become Jason in other films (two of which I inducted) since then and that streak would only end in Freddy vs. Jason, which understandably pissed a lot of people off….the decision to go with Kane Hodder was a great idea.

Next we needed victims and survivors. Well, most of them will be people from horror movies of the past who were getting roles based on simple auditions, like most of these people in slasher films. Well, the only person I can mention who may have already had their big break was Susan Blu, who was a voice actress and was in the animated Transformers movie of 1985.

She Was The Female Transformer Named Arcee

So with that said, let’s get to the induction.

*Sigh* Cute….So Cute That It Is The Only Film This Company Ever Produced

We then get a narration talking about the legend of Jason Voorhees, which is spliced over footage of all the past Friday The 13th films and recapping the last Jason Voorhees film, Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, which just so happens to be my favorite of the films.

You’ll See Why My Love Of This Film Makes Me Scoff At The Excuses Made For Some Of Why I Do Not Like Part VII.

And if you are kind of wondering if I will be inducting any of the films before this, the answer is no. Why? Because Part 1 is about his mother, who is very much human.

Oh And It Is Also Good

Part II Is also good so that isn’t happening, as was Friday The 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter. You could sort of make a case for how hokey Friday The 13th Part III (In 3D), but here is the thing. You could argue very well that Jason Voorhees didn’t die until Part IV: The Final Chapter when little Tommy Jarvis (played by Corey Feldman) killed him. And Part V: A New Beginning? Well, I guess I might have to spoil some poor soul who still lives under a rock and somehow found this site, but…

Jason Isnt The Killer In That One Either. It Was Some Ambulance Worker Whose Son (Who He Was A Deadbeat Dad To) Died, Dressed As Jason.

And even if you want to try and say that Jason Voorhees was in the film, in dreams…A New Beginning is only really terrible if you factor in the ending, which you do have every right to do, but doesn’t mean I am going to be inducting it. Also as I have mentioned, Part VI: Jason Lives is awesome and there is no way in freaking hell I am touching that film so this will be the earliest I will go into the Jason saga. Let’s get back to the movie.

This montage ends with Jason Voorhees having a chain around his neck (which is attached to an giant rock)…

Don’t You Even Dare Say Anything, Killer Croc

…and being stuck under water.

Basically He Is Sleeping With The Fishes.

The Jason mask shines at us, nearly blinding people before cracking in half revealing the title.

We then go to a house where a little girl named Tina is outside, hearing her parents having an argument. You hear dad is drinking and he decides to slap mom. This terrifies Tina and she runs towards the dock. Dad hears that Tina is outside and goes to talk to her. He sees that Tina is going on a boat to get away from the situation and he tries to convince her to come back. They have an argument with Tina hating her dad and the dad trying to apologize so he can get her to come home.

She wishes her dad were dead and accidentally causes the dock to collapse on the dad, killing him.

This horrifies Tina’s mom and Tina is also very sad, regretting what she has unknowingly done. A now grown up Tina wakes up as that was all a nightmare of remembering the past.

Tina’s mom is also there, who looks like she hasn’t aged a day since dad died.

Meh…No One Will Care

Tina says she doesn’t think what they are doing is such a good idea, but Tina’s mom (named Amanda) says that her psychiatrist Dr. Crews said this would help with her therapy and this is going to be hard on all of them. Tina says it doesn’t seem to be hard for the good doctor, but Tina’s mom says he really cares about her and doesn’t want her to go back to the mental hospital. And what are they doing?

Going Back To Where All Of The Bad Stuff Happened

Oh and yeah, I guess between Part VI and VII, they gave up on the idea of keeping the bad memories locked away by calling it Forest Green and just calling it Crystal Lake. And Dr. Crews is waiting for them at the place, who Tina calls Bad News Crews.

Bad News Brown (Or Allen) And Bad News Barrett Are Going To Disagree With This Punk Getting That Moniker.

Pleasantries are exchanged as we also see that they have neighbors in some kids renting the house next door for summer vacation.

And That Is Only A Few Of The Teens That Will Basically Be Just There As Fodder.

One of the female teens (who we will see is the bitch of the group) says “There goes the neighborhood.” Once inside, Amanda wonders if this is really a good idea to bring Tina here. Dr. Crews says that they have done all they can do for her at the hospital yet Tina hasn’t gotten better enough to be discharged. He tells Amanda to trust him that this is the best for everyone. Tina gets out her suitcase and I guess forgot to lock it as all the contents come out so the guy washing the car (revealed to be Nick) goes to help her.

Sparks Start Flying Between The Two, Even Though The Actors Playing The Two Hated Each Other Behind The Scenes.

And if you are wondering how I know they hated each other? Well…

I Have The Crystal Lake Memories Book. It Is A Freaking Huge Book.

Anyway….the two actors hated each other and of course since they are going to be the two that end up together, you can easily tell these that as these two have no chemistry at all.

Inside, we see that Crews has other plans as he wants Tina to show off her telekinetic abilities, by getting a matchbook to move.

He gets unhappy initially when it isn’t moving and verbally abuses her so it can move. It moves and then Dr. Crews asks what did she do to get it to move, basically asking her what went through her mind. Tina reveals that she was thinking about him, which he laughs. He tells her that her psychokinetic abilities are a projection of the suppressed guilt feelings that she has over what she did to her dad. She tells him to speak English and she thinks he is more interested in these abilities than he is of her. He tries to deny such a thing and she still says that is bullshit, which causes the matches to catch on fire.

She gets upset about this and leaves the room as Crews looks at the matches on fire, saying that he rests his case.

We go to the other house and two people are having sex.

The guy (named Russell) asks if this is his uncle’s house, why they are sleeping in the van. The girl (named Sandra) responds by asking who says they are sleeping. And they continue with the sex.

That night, Tina sees a picture of her father and gets sad.

Interestingly Enough, Tina Did Her Own Stunts And Caused Herself A Migraine Forcing Herself To Cry In This Film

As her mom asks what is wrong, Tina reveals that she misses her dad so much. Amanda says that she misses him too and here comes Dr. Crews to look on like an asshole. She sees him and leaves in anger. Tina heads out and goes out onto the lake. Tina thinks about what she did and she tries to bring back her father. Unfortunately, her feelings and abilities brings someone else back to life as Jason is freed from his chains and rises from the depths of Crystal Lake.


Tina sees what she has done and faints. Jason goes ashore and we see some of the great effects that Mr. Buechler has graced this film.

You Can See Jason’s Bones, Proving How Much His Body Has Decayed Since Being Dead

Amanda and Dr. Crews see Tina has fainted and come to her aid. She wakes up and asks where he is. They wonder who she is talking about and Tina reveals she saw a man coming out of the lake, but she can’t describe him. Dr. Crews immediately thinks this is just a delusion caused by her guilt and she feels insulted by his assumptions. Dr. Crews has one of his nice moments and calmly tells Tina to not run away from the past as the guilt over her father is a powerful thing. Tina then says that the man she saw wasn’t her father, but Dr. Crews still thinks it is what it was and Tina gets so mad she breaks a photo of her dad.

A couple Jane and Michael are stuck as their car has died and they are of course supposed to be part of the party next door.

Hey, It Is One Of The Teens Who The Ghoulies Mess With In Ghoulies II.

They go on foot and Jane reveals that Nick will be there as well as a planned surprise party for Michael for his birthday. She even revealed that she got this great cabin and everything. Michael is happy about this whole thing and Jane reveals that the whole thing is ruined now.

Tina answers the door and it is Nick, who apologizes for earlier and gives her a piece of clothing that she left behind in her anger. Amanda also appears and Nick tries to invite Amanda to a party they are holding a surprise party for his cousin. Tina doesn’t know if she should go, but Amanda says that Tina can always spend the evening with her and Dr. Crews, which causes Tina to immediately accept the invitation. Dr. Crews comes in after Tina leaves and voices his objections about this being a distraction, but Amanda says it will be fine.

Back in the woods, Michael tells Jane that he will be back in two shakes because he has to pee. He goes off to pee and Jane immediately gets killed by Jason.

I Guess We Need To Talk About A Major Excuse Given To Why This Film Isn’t Good.

You see, every kill in this film done by Jason was even gorier than they are in the film. But the MPAA (the censors who give movies a grade and are complete hypocrites when it comes to grading things) had a complete hard-on for the gore in this series and if any scene showed too much gore, it was cut to get an R rating. Basically, it was butchered and you will need the deluxe edition of this DVD to see the cut scenes in the deleted scenes section, which are in terrible condition because they couldn’t get the originals and clean it up. While it definitely does hurt this film, my big problem is Part VI. Part VI is not even as gory as this film in its current form so you can still make a quality film if you have likable characters and awesome music, which this film does not because they were more concerned with effects than anything else.

This death is actually one of the deaths that was not cut. Moving on, Michael is done with his piss break and goes towards Jane. Unfortunately, he comes across Jane’s body.

Michael is shocked by this, but he doesn’t have time to register this as Jason comes after him. Michael tries to run away, but unless you are one of the main characters, you are dead.

Michael still tries to crawl away and Jason comes over to finish the job by grabbing the spike and lifting Michael with the spike before throwing him off.

Edited Version Since Work Print Showed Jason Picking Him Up By The Spike And Throwing Him Off, But I Think You Get The Point With The Edited Version

Of course, you would see the whole process of him lifting him up by the knife, but cuts so you only see him down and then up in short time and then being thrown off.

We go to the party as Nick brings in Tina. Some guy in what looks like an air force jacket named Eddie grabs Tina and asks her about an idea called Starlicon, which is a movie idea he has. 

He wonders if she thinks it is good and all she can do is smile and walk away, which means it is a terrible idea. Nick tells her that Eddie is a bit off the rails, but everyone else is normal. That of course is a lie as we have a stoner named David.

Two girls who have the hots for the stoner (Maddy the nerd and Robin the redhead)


Sigh…What do you want?

Just thought you should know that the attractive redhead has been in some softcore porn films like Exotic House of Wax, Virtual Encounters, Vice Academy 3 & 4, etc.

Is that all?

Yeah….sadly she quit the acting business in the 90s and is now secretary to some controversial activist.

Anything else so I can continue this review?

Oh sure….I just swore I knew her from somewhere and of course, looked through my collection to see her in it. Virtual Encounters is the one I know the most from. But carry on…I got some awesome shit in my room that I can’t wait to see so smell ya later.

Getting back on track…

Russell freaks about the place being a mess and that they were supposed to bring their own food and not his uncle’s food, which probably means they may not have completely rented the cabin as I originally thought. Nick introduces Tina to the gang. There is noise so Sandra has Nick help her as the bitch returns.

Her Name Is Melissa

She does not like Tina as she sees him as competition for Nick’s affections, which she wants. As  they are all messing around, Tina sees a vision of Michael’s death.

She drops a bottle and runs off. Nick goes after her, but Melissa stops him so she can hit on him.

Tina goes home and tells her mom and the doctor about her visions. When Dr. Crews wonders about what she saw, she says she didn’t really see it, but she knows it happened. Dr. Crews once again believes it is just delusions of her father and says it was a bad idea to allow her to go to the party next door. She says that there is a large thing in their back porch, which Dr. Crews goes to check on. Dr. Crews says it isn’t there and shows them the spot, which is empty.

Except For The Obvious Hole That Shows That Dr. Crews Saw The Spike, Removed It, And Is Hiding It In His Fucking Pockets.

Tina wonders what is happening to her and Dr. Crews calms her down as Amanda takes her daughter in the house.

We then go to a couple Dan and Judy camping out in the woods, when Judy says that she is cold.

Dan responds to this with a proposition that they crawl up in the sack, which is of course meaning he wants sex. Judy just wants him to fix the fire and Dan says there is no wood, which the woman tells him to go get some since it is gonna be a cold night tonight. Dan goes out with his machete to get some. Once Dan leaves, Judy decides that she wants to surprise him by having some of her clothes off when he gets back.

Dan is searching for wood when he hears branches crack behind him, meaning someone else is walking in the woods. Dan thinks about it before cutting some wood. He goes to bring the wood back to the campfire when Jason decides to punch him through his back and break his neck.

Of Course Another Edited Scene Since In The Work Print, Jason’s Whole Fist Goes Through Dan

Jason sees that Dan has a machete and decides that he wants it.


Judy of course is unhappy that Dan is not back, but that unhappiness doesn’t matter as Jason shows up.

Sorry To Be Interrupting Your Camping Trip, But I Need To Kill Someone In A Cool Way

Judy screams and hides in her sleeping back, which she thinks is supposed to stop Jason for some reason. Jason decides that he is going to drag the sleeping bag with her in it and swing it against a tree, resulting in instant death.

I Know In The Work Print Version, Jason Swung The Sleeping Bag Five Times And You See Blood Dripping Out Of It During The Third Swing, But I (Like Everyone Else Including The Cast & Crew) Actually Prefer The One Swing And She Is Dead. Makes Jason Seem More Powerful.

The next day, Eddie is pitching another film called Throngar as three girls are listening.

And I Guess Another Girl In Kate Is Here, Probably To Diversify The Cast.

They laugh at the script idea, but Eddie said Ben liked the idea.

When Ben doesn’t know what the hell film he is talking about, Eddie said it must have been someone else and leaves in embarrassment. Maddy talks about how Michael never showed up to the surprise party, but Robin says Michael probably got pulled over for driving drunk. Ben says the guy can smell a party a hundred miles away and is convinced Michael will be here. Ben asks where his coffee and Kate angrily asks him where he would like it so obviously Ben did something to piss Kate off.

Melissa asks about Nick and Robin tells her that she “thinks he went next door to see Marilyn Munster.”

How Old Are You To Be Making A Munsters Joke, Movie?

We then see Nick throwing stones while talking to Tina. Tina asks if they all think she is a freak after last night and Nick asks who cares what they think as they aren’t his friends. He just came up because of his cousin. Nick asks where Tina is from and Tina responds by wondering where he is from. Nick fake laughs and says they are doing really good here in conversation.

You Can Just Taste The Chemistry Here….Of Two People Who Just Want To Get This Over With So They Never Have To See Each Other Again

Nick reveals that he grew up in Pittsburgh, he used to hang out with a real bad crowd, his dad kicked him out, and now he goes to night school. Tina reveals that her family used to come up here all the time and…hold on, the family used to come up here all the time and yet she has never known who Jason Voorhees was? Get the hell out of here with that BS!!!

Anyway, she also reveals that they liked it here before her dad got killed on the lake and now she doesn’t like it here. Nick follows to continue the conversation as Melissa watches.

I Want Him!!!

Tina reveals that she believes she is at fault for her dad’s death and she tells Nick that a nice guy like him doesn’t need to be hanging out with her. She says she saw her father get killed when she was a kid and it really messed up her head. Nick just means that she is okay now (which is baloney and he should know that). Tina then reveals that the guy in her house is her doctor who came out to help her from a mental hospital. Nick hears some crackling and goes to look, but only takes a few steps before just ignoring it. Nick tries to say he saw what she saw…which he says was a big pink elephant, which they both laugh at, knowing he is trying to lighten the mood.

Tina then reveals that with her luck, Nick will turn out to be another delusion, but Nick says that he is real.

And They Kiss

This definitely makes Melissa mad and you know she is going to plan something later. Tina goes back inside and seems to be in a cheerful mood. Amanda knows something is up, but Tina denies anything.

Hi, I’m Here To Be The Buzzkill

Tina then goes to hang out with the kids next door and Sandra wonders what happened between Kate and Ben. Apparently, Ben blew Kate off to go hang out with Eddie and lied to her about the whole thing. Ben and Russell are throwing the football…

But Not In Suits Like In “The Room”

Russell notices Ben looking at Kate and wonders what is up, but Ben just wants Russell to continue throwing the football. Tina enters and Melissa just gives her the cold shoulder, which Maddy says she does to everyone, except for boys. Maddy then sees David look their way and thinks David likes her, but Robin says David isn’t into her and she needs a makeover before a guy like that is into her. Maddy calls her a bitch while David and Eddie go to leave, but Melissa wants Eddie to do her a favor.

Robin decides she is going to try to hook up with David, but Maddy tells her that she doesn’t smoke. Robin then says that both of them agreed they were going to have a good time and Robin isn’t going to let Maddy stop her from having a good time.

Now about that favor Melissa wanted from Eddie.

Yep…It Is To Make Fun Of Tina For Being In A Mental Hospital.

Tina doesn’t like this cruel joke and uses her telekinetic powers on Tina’s necklace.

Tina is upset and leaves, even when Nick shows up. Nick is pissed at the friends for teasing Tina and goes after her.

Back at home, Tina reveals that she hates this place and she wants to leave as she is seeing things. Tina reveals that she could have killed someone with what happened next door, but Dr. Crews says when she is highly emotional, she can do anything. Tina says that if Dr. Crews believes that Tina could move the matchbook as well as break the pearl necklace, then why he won’t believe her about seeing someone get killed. Dr. Crews says he does believe she saw it, but the psychokinesis causes delusions.

Tina yells at Dr. Crews that he isn’t listening. Amanda says they can leave tomorrow, but Dr. Crews yells they are getting somewhere with Tina, but they are going to throw it all away by leaving and Tina will go back to the mental hospital. This causes Tina to use her powers to throw a TV at Dr. Crews.

Tina runs off and into Nick, who she wants to help her get out of here. Nick says that Melissa was a bitch, but Tina doesn’t care about Melissa. Tina says there is something really wrong here and she knows it, but no one else believes her. Nick wonders what she is talking about and Tina then asks if Michael ever shows up. Nick says he never did and Tina asked what he looked like. Nick shows Tina a picture of him and Tina reveals that it was Michael getting killed that she saw in her vision. Amanda then tells Tina to pack her things as they are going to leave in the morning, which Tina goes to do.

Outside of the house next door, Russell asks when Sandra first fell in love with him. She jokes about the huge bulge in his pants and the size of his wallet, which kept telling her that he wants to take him now. Sandra decides to go skinny dipping and Russell decides to join her. But as Russell takes off his clothes, Jason decides there will be no skinny dipping for Russell.

Silly Russell…No One Wants To See You With Your Clothes Off, But They Do Want To See Me Cut Some Of Your Face Off (Which The Censors Cut)

Sandra comes up from the water and sees Russell dead.

Sandra screams, but Jason pops out of the water.

Who’s Up For Some Marco Polo??? Marco…


Sandra tries to swim away, but Jason kills her Jaws style.

Aw Man…I Got Wrong Person In Marco Polo

Inside the house next door, Eddie acts like King Tut for some reason.

You’re Not King Tut!!!

Now That’s A King Tut

We see that David and Robin are hitting it off, which makes Maddy unhappy. Ben tries to get back together with Kate while Nick is on the phone, trying to get in touch with Michael. Kate and Ben get back together as Maddy goes to try a makeover with makeup.

Back outside, Jason drags Sandra’s body away so no one sees her body floating in the water.

That Would Be Suspicious

Nick goes to look for Michael himself and Melissa tries to once again hit on him, but Nick makes it finally clear that he isn’t into her. Melissa tries to make Nick jealous by hitting on Eddie, who is thinking up a Star Mummy idea, but Nick doesn’t care. Also Jason is looking through a window.

There Is A Party Going On And No One Invited Me?? Bastards!!! They Will Sooooo Be Getting Killed Now!!!

Dr. Crews is in his office and we get the revelation that we all know.

Yep…He Saw The Large Thing Tina Was Talking About, But Hid It So They Could Stay

Melissa says to Eddie that she finds him cute. Amanda looks for Dr. Crews, but she only finds evidence that Dr. Crews was more into Tina’s powers and not Tina’s welfare. Dr. Crews is actually outside and sees the dead body of Michael.

Crews is spooked off by this. When he gets to his office and sees Amanda there, the jig is up, but he still tries to lie to her. But when Amanda isn’t buying it, Crews reveals that he will do what it takes to keep Amanda in his “care”, even if he has to commit Tina against her mother’s wishes. Tina hears this and runs off while taking the car the Shepards got here in. Both Amanda and Dr. Crews go after Tina.

Tina doesn’t get too far though with the car when she crashes it after seeing an image of Jason killing her mom.

This One Is Just An Image As Amanda Is Still Alive

Tina tries to restart the car, but it is dead so Tina will have to keep running on foot. We then see how much of a makeover Maddy has done to herself.

That’s Good. You Did A Good Job, Maddy.

Maddy goes out, looking for David so she can try to steal him away from Robin. Oh and she does so in the woods for no reason.

Why In The Blue Hell Would He Be Out There?? Go Back In The Hou….Ah Screw, You Deserve To Die For This Idiocy.

Maddy dropped her ear ring and when she finds it, Russell’s body drops from a tree.

Well, Now You Have Guys Dropping Out Of The Sky For You, Maddy. This Is What You Wanted, Right???

Maddy runs off while Jason follows. Maddy decides to hide into the tool shed and Jason of course finds her.

DECAPITATION!!!! (Well Implied Decapitation Because Of Edits, But Still…)

Tina runs into Nick, who is also in the woods. Tina says she just saw the vision of her mom so she has to go find her. Dr. Crews and Amanda are in Dr. Crews’ car and they find the crashed car. Tina isn’t there and now both of them are worried.

Eddie tries to have sex with Melissa while David and Robin are having sex. Jason is outside and notices sounds of sex coming from the parked van. They are of course from Ben and Kate. Kate hears noises from outside and they both think it is Michael so they try to surprise him, but see no one is there. Ben goes investigate, but it turns out to be Jason, who decides to crush Ben’s head.

A Lot More In The Work Print

Kate wonders where Ben went and goes to find him, but she also finds Jason and Jason also kills her.

Via Party Horn To The Eye (Which Was Edited To Barely See It)

Melissa then reveals her bitchiness by revealing she was only into Eddie as an attempt to get Nick jealous. Eddie reveals that he can take it since he has been rejected by some of the finest science fiction magazines. Eddie leaves to go take a cold shower as he has a date with a soap on a rope. Meanwhile, David and Robin are still having sex. Jason decides that he doesn’t like a house with electricity so he pulls the cord out of the socket with his bare hands.

Jason Enacts Curfew His Own Special Way

David wonders what happened to the lights and Robin doesn’t care so they continue having sex.

Yeah, Not Even The Horny Owl Is Gonna Be Able To Stop These Two……..Nor Does It Want To.

Tina and Nick find Michael’s dead body and Nick is sad about his cousin’s death.

Or Constipated….Who Knows?

Tina says that she saw it in her vision and gets Nick to come with her so they can get out of Crystal Lake. Meanwhile, Jason finally enters the house where the kids are partying. David wakes up and says he is hungry so he goes downstairs with a flashlight to get some food, but Jason is down there and goodbye to the stoner.

Jason Wants David To Go On A Diet, Specifically The Die Part

Tina and Nick run back to the house and into Dr. Crews’ office. There, she realizes that yes, Crews was lying about the spike not being on the outside wall earlier. She finds Crews’ gun and gets it for in case she runs into Jason. Oh, and Dr. Crews seemed to have specific knowledge that Jason was around thanks to news articles in his notebook. But thanks to this, Tina now knows that it is Jason. Tina starts getting emotional so the room starts to shake.

Back in the house next door, Eddie reads Michael’s Happy Birthday cards as Melissa sneaks out of the house. Eddie then opens a gift for Michael that says it is personal penis enlarger, when it really is just a magnifying glass. Jason sees Eddie opening up the gifts and while hearing footsteps, Eddie thinks it is Melissa changing her mind, but realizes that it is Jason and gets killed.

Gift Stealing? Off With Your Head!!!! But We Must Do It In An Edited Way!

Nick takes Tina downstairs and tells her that if Jason is out there, then he wants to get everyone together and get them out of the place. Tina feels that her mother is in the wood, which Nick responds that he wants to get everyone together first.

Jason then goes up the stairs. Robin goes looking for David since he has been gone for a while. She goes into David’s room thinking he forgot about her and went to sleep, but he isn’t there. She hears noises coming from the closet and checks to see if it is David, but it was just a cat.

A Failed Attempt At A Cheap Jump Scare That Makes No Freaking Sense Since How Did The Cat Get In That Closed Closet And Who’s Cat Is It Since No One Seemed To Have Owned A Cat.

She breathes a sigh of relief that the noises were just a cat. Robin decides she wants to pet the cat.

Yeah, Get The Pussy Petting Jokes Out Now So We Can Continue.

She sees that there is blood on the bed and sees Josh’s head.

Jason barges in the door as Robin screams.

Damn, You’re Hot! But You Smell Like Sex! Aw Man…My Slasher Rule Book Says I Gotta Kill You Now.

Well, Due To Your Hotness (And Due To The Fact That The Director Decided Your Original Death Was Too Fake And Overplayed), I’m Gonna Just Have To Throw You Out Of A Window.

They actually had to do reshoots for that entire scene since the original death was not okay, which would explain the whole cat getting killed. Oh and it was a stuntwoman (or stuntman depending on who you ask) with a red wig and the actress’ nightie who was thrown out the window so those are man legs you see.

Back at the other house, Tina wants Nick to round up all the teens up like he wants to do, but she needs to stay behind in case her mother comes home. Nick tells Tina not to move as he goes to get the rest. Jason leaves the house and goes into the woods where he runs into Dr. Crews and Amanda. Dr. Crews goes full on heel as he throws Amanda into Jason so Jason can kill her and he can hopefully escape.

Another Edited Scene So You Never Have To See The Blade Penetrate Mrs. Shepard, All The While Kind Of Knowing What Happened….Lame

Nick looks for the teens and he finds the body of Eddie.

Nick is shocked by this and decides to leave the house just in case Jason is still there (even though we all know Jason left). He goes back and sees that Tina is not where he left her. He looks for her, but when a door open, Nick points his gun out and it is just Melissa.

Okay, I Know This May Not Be The Time To Say This…But Melissa Basically Just Trespassed Into The House. I Mean, She Was Never Invited In Nor Did Anyone Open The Door For Her So….Yeah, Melissa Could Be A Burglar.

Nick explains the situation and like a dumbass, Melissa doesn’t believe any of this. We then see Tina outside and of course, she runs into Dr. Crews. When Tina asks about her mother, Dr. Crews tries to lie and say she is back at the house, but since Tina was just there…she knows that is a lie. Dr. Crews grabs her and after Tina frees herself from him, she notices blood on the good doctor. Tina asks Crews about what he did and Crews says she has to help him since Jason is after him. Crews also reveals that Amanda is dead and Tina runs away from him.

Dr. Crews continues running on his own, but he runs into Jason with a brush cutter.

Hi Doctor…I Wonder If You Have Any Gardening Stuff You Need Taken Care Off

Jason uses the brush cutter to kill Dr. Crews.

Okay, I’ll Admit It. The Censors Cutting Of This Scene To Shreds Really Pisses Me Off As It Could Have Been One Of The Best Kills Jason Has Ever Done.

Tina finds her mom’s body and mourns her death.

She sees Jason and runs after him for some reason. She sees a yellow shirt and knows it is from Kate and Kate is with the shirt.

She’s Dead, But Still With The Shirt.

She backs up and bumps into Sandra’s naked body.

Thankfully I Won’t Be Needing To Black Box Anything

And Maddy’s body is also there.

Wait….I Thought Maddy Got Decapitated. Boooo!!!!!

And Russell’s body swings off a tree.

Tina runs and comes face to face with Jason.

Tina finally gets control of her powers and uses it to have roots from a tree try to drown Jason.

That isn’t enough so Tina decides to cut some power cables and electrocute Jason as well.

And this is the beginning of where my biggest gripe with the movie is. In this movie, Jason gets seemingly dead a lot of times after something happens and I mean a lot. You can do a fake ending to surprise the audience, but when you do it so many freaking times, it gets annoying and you just want it to be over. And while normally, you can do a cool thing that can make it seem okay for the multiple fake deaths, but this movie only has three cool moment to okay some of the fake deaths. With the amount of time, they do this, they need more to not piss me off.

Anyway, Jason falls over because of this and Tina thinks Jason is dead, but when she gets close…Jason gets up and Tina runs. Tina gets back to the house where she runs into the party house. Jason decides to jump through the window in style.

Yeah, You Better Give That A 10. Anything Lower And Jason May Not Appreciate It.

Tina screams, but she faces off with Jason. And Tina uses her powers to close the door.

Really??? Like That Is Going To Work. Jason Isn’t The Aliens From Signs.

Jason just basically breaks down the barricade like it was nothing. Tina backs away and uses her power to throw some furnature at Jason.

She finds David’s decapitated head, which Jason moved to the potted plant for some reason.

Or It Is A Thing From John Carpenter’s The Thing

Tina then throws a potted plant with the head at Jason.

Tina runs out of the house with Jason chasing her and Tina uses her powers to have the porch collapse on Jason.

Thinking she just killed Jason…

Because If It Worked For Super Shredder, It Could Totally Work For Jason

Tina goes back into the other house where she runs into Nick and Melissa. Tina reveals that her mom is dead and she believes she killed Jason. Nick hugs her in a way that so convinces me he truly cares.

I Can’t Believe I Have To Hug This Woman.

And of course, we then see Jason is not dead as he breaks through the debris. Back at the house, Melissa yells that Tina is nuts and she basically also is now disgusted by Nick for believing her. Melissa decides she is going back to the party house as Jason grabs an axe. She cusses out both Nick and Tina, before opening the door and guess who is waiting.

Language, Young Woman.

Jason then buries the hatchet on Melissa’s skull and throws her to the TV so he can focus on the two who are still alive.

Again, You Would See The Actual Hit With The Axe In The Work Print

Nick and Tina try to run for the door, but Jason closes the door immediately. The two run up the stairs with Jason following and Tina uses her power to throw a ceiling lamp onto Jason and knock him through the stairs.

The two go down the stairs and Jason busts through the wall to reveal he is not dead.

Or He Wanted To Be The Kool Aid Man. Who Knows?

Jason throws Nick to the side and goes after him, when Tina probably does the coolest thing in these last few minutes and breaks open Jason’s mask to reveal his horrifying face.

Yes, This Is What I Always Imagined Jason Looked Like Under That Mask. A Decaying Rotten Undead Mongoloid. There Are Even Lines Where Jason Got Cut Open In Part IV. He Is Truly Terrifying.

Tina then decides to use her powers to create a cord from a broken ceiling light (different one)

Jason kicks as he is hanging and trying to gasp for air (which is weird since if he is undead, he doesn’t need to bother with breathing). Tina creates a hole in the floor and has Jason fall through it, like Jason was going to hell.

Don’t Worry…We Havent Gotten To The True Worst Jason Movie Ever Just Yet

Tina once again thinks Jason is dead and tends to Nick.

You Really Believe I’m Fucking Dead? Moron!!!!

Jason grabs Tina and drags her into the hole with him. He rips part of Tina’s jacket and you can tell by Kane Hodder’s great movements as the character that he is pissed.

Oh You Are So Dead

Tina then sees nails and cause them to fly at Jason.

She then sees a can of gasoline and uses her power to pour it on Jason.

Tina then opens the furnace and causes a gush of fire out of it so Jason as well as the basement to catch on fire.

Jason is completely on fire (which may have been a bit scary to Kane Hodder due to the fact that he has an accident years ago with flames that caused him to need lots of skin grafts….although he was under lots of makeup so I’m sure was well protected). But Tina seems to be stuck in the basement with the burning Jason. Thankfully, Nick is there to pull her up and they escape the house and for some reason run to the docks.

Don’t Ask Me Why.

Oh and the house explodes.

You Would Think That Would Be Too Quick, But Remember That Can Of Gasoline Was Still Down There.

So once again, our two think Jason is dead and at least this time, they could really believe this is it. Nick asks if Tina is okay and all she can say is that it is all gone. She cries over this as Nick has to hug her. Nick decides that they need to get out of here and they start to go that way, but….

Somehow Jason Voorhees Snuck Up On These Two And If You Have Ever Been On A Wood Dock, You Know That It Is Next To Impossible To Do That.

Jason goes after Tina, but Nick tries to shoot at Jason with the gun.

And All It Does Is Make Jason Mad.

Nick realizes how screwed he is as Jason knocks the gun out of his hand and throws him into a boat. But Tina is back up and Tina uses her powers for one last attempt. This time, her dead father comes out from the water to drag Jason down.

Originally, Tina’s Father Was Supposed To Look Like A Zombie As He Had Been Dead For More Than A Decade (Rot And All That), But Some Dumbass Associate Producer Named Barbara Sachs Decided That She Didn’t Like That And Preferred That You Just Need To Have Some Small Stuff On Tina’s Dad And He Is Fine For The Scene. Not Kidding.

So Tina just faints after saying Daddy and yes, this time Jason is done for…although the director wanted a scene where Jason came out of the water to kill some hapless fisherman, but because Fatal Attraction (which came out the same year) had done the same fake out final scare (although in that film, the villain was killed once last time and in this, the film would just end with Jason alive). Oh, and also it was kind of a carbon copy of the first and third film’s ending so it makes sense why someone wouldn’t like that scene.

So Tina wakes up with the paramedics taking care of her as the ambulance got to the scene of this horror the next day.

She calls for Nick, but one of the paramedics tell her that he is alright. They put her in the ambulance where Nick also is and the ambulance drives off.

And with that, this film that I do not like ends.

The movie did get #1 in the box office, but it didn’t do well overall as it finished 53rd overall for the year. But it is considered the best version of Jason, which is not hard to agree with. Critics hated it of course (which is unsurprising).

As far as what happened to the cast, John Carl Buechler has continued to be a director and a special effects guy. Kane Hodder as you know, stayed as Jason for a while. Susan Blu (who played Amanda) continued to do mostly voice acting like DuckTales (Mrs. Featherby) and has become a voice director. Jennifer Banko (who played young Tina) also ended up playing Leatherface’s daughter in Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3. And how could I forget good old Terry Kiser (who played Dr. Crews). A year after this film, he would become the character we all know him for.

Our Favorite “Really Dead, But Others Must Pretend He Is Alive” Sleaze Bag Bernie Lomax

I Even Got An Autograph & Picture With The Guy

Also Got An Autograph And Picture With Kane Hodder. 

My overall thoughts on this film is I still do not like this film. I understand the interference this film suffered from thanks to the MPAA and Barbara Sachs, but that doesn’t count for the unlikable characters, our main couple having the chemistry of an accidental lab explosion, the overload of fake deaths, and a lack of good moments. It is still the Friday The 13th film from Paramount that I am willing to watch the least. However, I will give the positives like Kane Hodder is perfect as Jason Voorhees, there were some good moments like the sleeping bag death, and the look of Jason is top notch (despite Barbara Sachs thinking Jason looked like a bloated frog and only wanted Jason’s mask revealed at the end (she really was an idiot)). If you are a Jason completionist, I say “Sure, watch it”, but if you want the best of Friday The 13th, I say watch the highlights and deleted gore scenes (which are on Youtube) and skip this film. Next time we meet up with Jason Voorhees (and the last time I hopefully will talk about) will be the worst in Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday).

So NegaSeth, what do you have for me next.

First Of All, I Get To Tell You What To Induct So If I Want You To Do Another Jason Movie, You Will Do Another Jason Movie.

You do know I said hopefully so you getting bent out of shape over that is rather stupid.

Secondly, despite your little tease, Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday will not be the next induction.

Just get to the damn movie that I have to induct in December.

Oh, it is a movie with a bit of a winter flavor to it and it is a film your fans have been asking for a while.

I’ve gotten many of those films so continue.

Oh this one is special. This one has been one that has been close to being the choice for your induction, but somehow the eventual choice wins out. Consider this my present to all of your fans for your Grinch like behavior.

How am I the Grinch when the polls determine this?

Just keep annoying me with your interruptions. You do know that I am winning the Fantasy Football Bet right now, which means I would be the one to choose your summer.

Thank you. This is a SyFy movie that has been demanded for you to induct so let’s unveil this sucker.