Monday, February 20, 2017

Impact Implosion for Feb. 16, 2017 - Laurel Van Ness Wedding

Another episode that was better than the week before it, but not by much. While we get the rare good segment from Braxton and Miracle and the Hardys continue to be great in their expedition of gold, the Edwards/Richards new feud doesn't start well, the DCC continue to look like idiots and the Knockouts CHAMPION is made to look pathetic so they can prop up the extremely green Brandi Rhodes. 

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Saturday, February 18, 2017

Monster Crap March 2017 Induction Poll

Well, it is time for another poll since I told Seth to get half of the induction done by this time or I would choose a film (it would have been Leprechaun In The Hood, but he didn't know that) and sadly he has half of the induction to Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell done. He wasn't even exactly mad about doing this film so I think you guys are slipping. So since I can't do Leprechaun In The Hood, here is the poll for you all to decide what he inducts next and hopefully, it will be something he would be upset by. 


Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)
Night of The Living Dead Gets An Unneeded Remake (Because There Was Already A Good Remake Filmed)


Image result for pumpkinhead ashes to ashes dvd
Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes (2006)
This Film Should Have Been Burned Before Release

Earth vs. The Spider (1958)
This Spider Will Eat You Alive Because You Won't Turn Off That Damn Music

Time walker.jpg
Time Walker (1982)
Alien Mummies....That Is All I Need To Say

Gamera vs Viras 1968.jpg
Gamera vs. Viras
Squid People Try To Defeat The Turtle Full Of Meat In This Film

Grudge2tease1-2.jpg
The Grudge 2 (2006)
What Began With One....Will End With Crap

Image result for lost boys the tribe
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
Proof That Just Because You Were Able To Cast The Brother Of The Actor Who Played The Last Bad Guy Doesn't Mean He Is Gonna Work Just As Well

Image result for final days of planet earth
Final Days Of Planet Earth (2006)
This Movie Found A Way To Make Bug People Seem Rather Boring

Image result for hellraiser hellseeker
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Despite Being Able To Get The Only Actress Who Was In The Two Good Films, It Couldnt Stop The Franchise From Still Being Pathetic

Image result for pulse 2006
Pulse (2006)
Internet Ghosts That Can Only Be Beaten By Red Tape. Do I Really Need To Say Anymore? 


Poll Closes February 25 at 12 A<+M

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Impact Implosion for Feb. 9, 2017 - Who's Next for Lashley?

*Sigh* Well, good news is Impact was better this week than last week, but the bad news is this show still sucked. We had the weakest ever Franklin vs. Eddie Edwards match (because it was all about the heel turn of Davey and nothing else), another moment of the DCC being made to look like goobers, Aron Rex vs. Robbie E, Drew Galloway having to try to have a Grand Title Match with Mahabali Shera, and the shenanigans that lead to Braxton accidentally proposing marriage to Laurel. Now there are only two good segments (no good matches) in the Hardys beginning their Expedition of Gold and the Helms Dynasty exploding. We also had the most awkward Schitt's Creek schill by Josh Mathews.

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Saturday, February 4, 2017

Impact Implosion for Feb. 2, 2017 - Lashley Reigns Supreme!

Remember how great last week's Impact was in my mind? Well....what a long way this show fell. From a great show to a show that sucked. We had Open Fight Night and while the idea of having opportunities based on cases to challenge anyone to any match, you get to watch TNA fuck this up by making the DCC continue to look like fucking idiots. It really is sad when the best match on the show was the opening match and it is because I only had one thing to complain about for that match. You'll hear how everything else failed and you get to hear how Life Alert shows us a dead grandma (not really, it's obviously an actor playing a dead grandma). 

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Saturday, January 28, 2017

Impact Implosion for Jan. 26, 2017 - Lashley Regains the Gold

We got to cover an awesome show this week in the show that is subtitled Genesis. We had two matches that were hyped and delivered on the hype. We had decent tag title, Grand title, and X title matches. The only thing that was kinda annoying was the Braxton/Laurel dinner date, but it was obviously there to further that storyline so it served its purpose of Braxton being forced to date Laurel. And NO ARON REX....which is always a plus. It's the best show since early 2014 where the main event was EC3 vs. Rockstar Spud in a Hair vs. Hair Match so watch the Impact show and then please listen to our show. 

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Monster Crap Induction: Ghostbusters (2016 GINO Award Winner)

Monster Crap Inductee: Ghostbusters
Better Call Someone Else

2016 GINO Award Winner

Like I mentioned for 2016 in my worst of the year list, this year had a lot (and I mean a lot) of terrible movies. And I gave you all a bunch of movies that I nominated for GINO Award and in a way I should have known, you went with the film that was the most controversial and not the worst. And that film was the Ghostbusters film that came out in 2016.

Time for some backstory with this one. After the original Ghostbusters was a huge hit in the 1984 (the year of my birth) and Ghostbusters 2 was kind of a disappointment in 1989, plans were made for a Ghostbusters 3. Unfortunately that film never came to be for one reason or another (mostly because Bill Murray would refuse to do it several times) and sadly in 2014, any idea of a Ghostbusters 3 with the original cast ended with the sad passing of Harold Raimis.

You Might As Well Consider The 2009 Video Game Where They Did Get All The Original Actors To Voice Their Known Characters As Ghostbusters 3.

Just Avoid The 2016 Version Of The Ghostbusters Video Game. It Is Shit.

No sooner did Raimis did that Sony announced that they would make a Ghostbusters reboot. But not only would it be a reboot directed by Paul Feig (director of Bridesmaids), but it would featuring four women as the Ghostbusters. The initial rage of fans and sexists was strong in the beginning, but sadly instead of trying to quell the hatred like many remakes/reboots do, the people of Ghostbusters decided that anyone who was angry was a sexist. They even then continued to basically make fun of the fans and their “memories being ruined”. While yes, some of the backlash over the reboot was immature at best, making a completely mockery of your own fan base and basically setting up your own excuse for box office failure before the movie even came out is one of the stupidest ideas you could do in promoting the film.

Then the four actresses were determined with Kristin Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones. Unfortunately, this did not help people who were not fans of the comedy stylings of Kristin Wiig and Melissa McCarthy, which sadly was plenty of people because both actresses had been in several bad films since Bridesmaids. This also didn’t help with me personally because I am one who never liked the film. The trailer was then premiered and it got more dislikes on YouTube than likes, a rare thing to happen at that time. A month later, news came out that the filming of the film was not fun for the cast or crew. Still, despite all of this…the cast and crew still went with the sexism angle. I remember the Angry Video Game Nerd got unfairly savaged for being a sexist because he calmly answered a simple question in saying he just wasn’t going to see the film as he was hated the whole idea of a remake anyway and didn’t want to get mad in any way at something he enjoyed so much. Most of those people were idiots and eventually realized how stupid this was, backed off (Patton Oswalt was one of those morons).

He Should Have Known Better.

But let’s get to the cast itself. Kristin Wiig and Melissa McCarthy both had worked with Paul Feig in Bridesmaids (which gave Melissa McCarthy the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress). Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones were up and coming female comedians in SNL. Overall, if you look at the supporting cast, it is pretty good. You have Charles Dance (Tywin Lannister from Game of Thrones), Chris Hemsworth (Marvel’s Thor himself), Andy Garcia (Agent George Stone in The Untouchables), as well as cameos from most of the main players in the original film (Harold Raimis (death) and Rick Moranis (retirement) excluded. Unfortunately, we also had people from Monster Crap past like Ed Begley Jr.

He Tried To Be Uncredited, But I Am Crediting Him For Being Next To Val Kilmer In Batman Forever

Also Michael McDonald is in Leprechaun 2.

Acted A Bit Sass Around The Leprechaun And Got Killed For It

Even in the famous Ghostbuster cameos we have Monster Crap past with Ernie Hudson being in Congo.

As Cool Ass Mother Fucker Munro Kelly

Oh And Sifu Norris In DragonBall; Evolution

Now with that out of the way, let’s get to this movie.

Oh I Guess Before I Start The Film I Should Mention That Sony Was So Sure This Would Be A Success That They Created A Production Team To Create Future Ghostbuster Films.

We begin this film at a historical mansion.


This is the Aldridge mansion and a tour guide is talking about the place and it being haunted. He even does a trick where a candlestick falls on its own to ooh and aah the audience. Oh and he made a failed joke about this mansion is supposedly where PT Barnum got the idea to enslave elephants and talked about an anti-Irish security fence…both jokes fall flat on their face.

He also makes a joke about his eldest daughter’s personality made by a drunk God.  Oh and that candlestick was revealed to be set up by the people running the tours.

Carny BS

But suddenly, the door to the room that apparently locked the murderous eldest daughter of Sir Alderidge starts moving. The tour guide checks and in the end, he hears forceful attempts to open the door and screams so he runs away. He tries to escape, but the door knob is hot so he cant.

Dammit Macaulay Culkin!!

The tour guide then gets thrown into the wall. He goes into the living room and apologizes to Sir Alderidge before trying to throw a chair through the window, but the chair is caught.


 The chair is then thrown back at the tour guide. Then for some reason, the tour guide runs to the basement where the eldest daughter was locked up and of course, he sees the cracks on the floor glow green with some type of ooze.

Well, It Most Certainly Isn’t Ecto Cooler

The tour guide realizes how much of an idiot he was for going into the basement when the door behind him shuts and the bolts locked. He tries to climb the stairs, but they break and he is stuck in the basement. The ghost shows up and comes at him as the tour guide screams and we get our opening title card.


We then see Erin Gilbert teaching at Columbia University.


But it turns out she was merely practicing as her class is empty.


She does some warm ups that make her look like an idiot before she is interrupted by Ed Mulgrave.


He asks her about ghosts and she lies in saying she knows nothing about it when Mulgrave reveals a book she wrote with Abby Yates about ghosts. He reveals he runs the Aldridge Mansion and believes it is haunted. He tried the police, but he sounds crazy. She eventually wonders where she got that and he explains it is being sold on Amazon.

She is angered to see it being sold when the dean of Columbia University Harold Filmore shows up.

Ahh…I Swear I’m Not Conspiring Against You. I Am House Lannister All The Way.

He says her tenure is under review and he has a problem with her getting a recommendation from the head of the science department in Princeton as their science department isn’t what it used to be. He recommends getting a referral from a more prestigious college.

Hey, I Resent The Disrespect Of Princeton. It Is An Ivy League School Just Like You.

Fillmore says he sees Gilbert as an asset to Modern Physics, but he would hate to see her throw that all down the drain.

After this, Erin confronts Abby at the Higgins Institute Of Science about the book and Abby reveals she needed to make some extra money for the paranormal program she is at.  


Abby says she doesn’t need Erin’s permission to write the book and….sorry, but yes you do. In fact, Erin can rightfully sue you for money made on the book because she wrote it to. That is the way copyright law works nowadays. Abby also has issues with Erin abandoning their “baby” (the book). Oh and yes, she tries to talk about flying human babies and…..this shit is falling flatter than someone off the Empire State Building. Erin then says that there is no experimental backing for anything in that book and it makes her look like a crazy person.

Abby then gets upset about her one split wanton in her soup as she did order Chinese food. As Abby is complaining on the phone about her food, Erin meets Jillian Holtzmann.

Who May Be Trying To Hit On Her Because Her Character Is A Bit Crazy

Abby comes back and tells Julian to not get too close to Erin as she will ask you to write a book with her and then squash your dreams. She reveals that Jillian is close to making the stuff they dreamed of a reality as she is a master engineer. They then make a fart joke in a recording and laugh about it to Erin as if she got her face up in there and got farted on, which she didn’t since it was a damn recording.

THIS...ISN'T...FUNNY!!!

Jillian reveals that it was actually a queef and not a fart (please don’t ask the difference). Erin says if they are going to give her a wedgie as well, but they both say Erin probably has too much up her butt as it is. Erin is about to rightfully leave when Abby asked if she didn’t believe in this stuff, why was she looking for the book. Erin reveals that a man came to see her about ghosts at the Aldridge Mansion and both Abby and Jillian get excited. They leave to ghost hunt and make Erin leave and lock the door so no one steals anything.

Erin still chases after them because she wants the book taken down and Abby ultimately agrees…but she has to introduce them to this guy at the Aldridge Mansion. They all head to the Aldridge Mansion where it seems the tour guide (who is still alive) doesn’t know about them and that the guy she met, Ed Mulgrave died 15 years ago. Okay…that cannot be possible because last I checked, ghosts can’t go online and buy books because where would they send it to and I don’t know if ghosts can operate a keyboard and….this makes no sense so moving on!!

But Ed Mulgrave shows up and when Erin asks who he is, the tour guide said that was Ed’s son, Ed Jr. You legit had that conversation where you didn’t know who they were talking about and cock-teased us about Erin meeting with a ghost. You legit did that!!! Any normal person would have immediately assumed they meant Ed Jr. and wouldn’t have even entertained the thought to say the original Ed Mulgrave died 15 years ago. This dialogue is stupid.

Ed reveals that the tour guide saw it and he believes it made him soil himself, which the tour guide (named Garrett) is embarrassed by this. They also then joke about it being a T3 or T4 haunting if he soiled himself unless he ate something bad. Abby now wants to get set up so Garrett throws the keys on the ground for her to pick up and says they are going to die in there.

Wait…If Erin Was Only There To Make Introductions, Why Is She Still There? Never Explained.

Oh and as Abby tries to open that padlocked basement door, Jillian keeps making jokes on Erin all the while having the camera focused on Erin’s chest. Erin steps on some green slime and suddenly, the door opens on its own. She thinks the slime and door opening is a prank by the other two and confronts them about it. Abby and Jillian reveal the green slime is ectoplasm and they are happy to see the door open. Their PKE Meter goes off (yes, they have one like in the original Ghostbusters) and then their ears popped. They are all shocked to see the ghosts of Aldridge’s eldest daughter coming to them.

Oh And Jillian Is Eating Pringles While This Is Going On For Some Reason

Abby says this is a class 4 apparition and Erin tries to talk to it. You know this seems really interesting and could result into a good scare and…

And Good Scare Ruined For A Puke Joke As The Ghost Pukes On Erin For No Reason.

Seriously, this is not set up at all. We never get any inkling that the ghost would do this so when it does, you can just see it as a cheap 3D attempt and gross out gag. This in the initial trailer ruined it for me and considering the thumbs down, it may have made others groan too.

The ghost then goes to the window and both Abby and Jillian try to follow. As the ghost is outside just flying around like crazy and the three women celebrate with Erin even enjoying herself. Unfortunately for her, that video went up on YouTube and the people at Columbia have seen it.


She is immediately fired so she has to go back to Abby and Jillian. Abby tries to calm her down by saying this is a glass half full situation as they saw a beautiful ghost. Jillian then makes a joke about it puking all over Erin and Erin says that stuff went all over her, in every crack. Ewww….

Now they are all interested in exploring more into the paranormal. They also see a commercial for Ghost Jumpers (a rip-off of the Ghosthunters shows) and Abby calls them phonies. Abby says it is crap like this that Erin got fired. Abby says this institute is 100% behind them unlike Columbia. And then they all get fired because the dean didn’t realize their department still existed.

How In The Blue Hell Do You Run This Place????

Oh, nevermind….it is shown that this dean is stupid and only dean because the guy before him went to jail (seriously, he spells science with a Y instead of an I). He also says “Suck It” instead of “Get Out” so yeah, they are better off without this Institute.

Oh And He Flips Them Off Too, Joking About A Ghost, But Instead A Bird.

Oh and he continues doing stuff with his middle fingers while they are all stunned by this man’s immaturity. After they leave, Abby believe this is a minor setback. Erin then says they need to capture an entity and put it in a controlled environment to prove there are ghosts. Oh and they stole all the equipment from the school, which makes the dean try to chase them with a baseball bat.

We then go to a subway station where we meet Patty Tolan and Rowan North.


Rowan talks about the fourth cataclysm coming and says laborers such as herself will be the last led to the butchery. Patty makes a joke about how that guy is crazy and then sees on security that he is going on the tracks so she needs to stop him. She hears noise as she investigates and sees that this guy is setting stuff up.


Then a ghost shows up and at first, Patty believes this is another person, but sees it for what it truly is. 

A Ghost That Is Electrifying

Sorry Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, But Yeah….This Is Electrifying

Meanwhile Rowan is smiling about all of this while hiding.

Yep….Rowan Is Our Villain

Patty runs off, dropping her flashlight. We see that Rowan is working as the janitor at the Mercado Hotel. He is also a mad scientist working under the hotel and is setting up machines to accelerate paranormal activity around the city for some big plan and he is not even close to done yet. He talks to himself in the mirror about how he has been bullied his entire life and now he will be the bully. He says trust your abilities and the universe will bend for your will. He then gets told that there is a clogged toilet that needs to be taken care of and is called a weirdo and a freak show.

Meanwhile, the four women hire a real estate agent to find them a place to work at for their upcoming business (one they don’t reveal). They get shown the fire station where the Ghostbusters were headquartered at in the original.


They like the building a lot, but unfortunately it is too expensive for them. Instead they find a place above a Chinese restaurant to have their headquarters at, but Abby still has issue with the delivery man as it does take them an hour to get the food to them despite being only up one flight of stairs.

Oh And They Still Suck At Their Food.

As Abby is arguing over the quality of service, Jillian starts dancing for Erin to “The Rhythm Of The Night” by DeBarge.


Abby talks about how Jillian loves that song. Abby reveals to Erin that she has been passing these flyers all up in town and…

Yeah, That Is Not Going To Help You As A Ghostbuster

Erin reveals that she thinks it is actually the slogan for the Anti-Terrorism Line. Abby realizes that it is and explains that now they know why so many people are calling about suspicious looking bags. They then get met by Kevin, who is the only person who applied for the receptionist job.


Erin sees him as extremely attractive and acts awkward around him. Jillian also sees him as attractive and Abby just acts professionally around him. During the interview, they realize that Kevin is pretty dumb. He doesn’t wear glass on his glasses because it kept getting dusty. He has a dog named “Mike Hat”. He dabbled in web design though and drew up a logo for them to use.

Yeah….That Is Pretty Bad

Of course with Kevin being dumb, he thinks there issue is with the boobs being too small. He reveals his next decision, which is freaking 7-Eleven.

Oh Come On!!!

His third choice also doesn’t help with Ghostbusters.

*Groan*

They think about not hiring Kevin, but sadly he is the only one who applied for the job so they basically have to hire him, which Jillian is okay with because unlike the other two, she doesn’t mind his idiocy. Patty also shows up and despite them initially thinking she is here for Chinese takeout, she is here to hire them as there is a ghost issue in the subway.

She talks about the history of the place as she shows them where she saw the ghost while Jillian is carry around a cart of equipment. Above them was the old New York Prison where they used to electrocute people and it would take so long that they ultimately wanted to shoot them instead to save electricity. They then run into this graffiti artist who likes to spray paint this place.

Nate Corddry….Your Brother Would Be Very Disappointed In You.

They ask him about the ghost that might be here and he says he has seen one, but it is only a trick to just spray paint and run away…when they could have stopped him a long time before he finished.

Yep…That Is How These Ghostbusters Determined Their Logo

There is some slime as they set up and Patty reminds them that they only have a small window before the next train appears. Patty talks about the weird sparking thing (the device that Rowan set up). Abby and Erin see what is left of the device and smell both electrical discharge and ionic decay which is strange to them. Patty tells them they only have a few minutes, but they don’t need to wait long as the ghost returns.


Patty reveals that is the ghost she saw. Erin wonders where these ghosts are coming from. Jillian starts turning on the equipment (which is a ghost laser) as Abby starts recording. Jillian talks about the device being in its early stages. It starts to work.


Unfortunately they take too long with the proton pack that any attempt to get the ghost is ruined by the train, which also goes runs over the ghost too.

And Every Car That Passes Through The Ghost Gets The Ghostbusters More Slimed Than Before.

The ghost gets stuck on the last car and Patty guesses he is heading to Queens. But unfortunately the train did destroy the equipment so they will have to rebuild the equipment before catching any more ghosts. Back at the lab, Erin is upset that everyone thinks the video is fake, she then realizes that they need to catch a ghost to prove they are real. They also look at the leftovers from the device that Patty saw. Erin thinks it looks like parts of a miniature cyclotron. They ask about what that weird guy said to Patty and she shows up to say fourth cataclysm. They ask why she is here and she reveals that she is joining the Ghostbusters. They initially don’t want her, but they accept as part of the group after she reveals that they need to know how the real world works and she also can borrow a car from her uncle that they can use.

Kevin takes a call and like the idiot he is, he hangs up on them after the person on the call is in hysterics. They say Kevin can’t do that and Kevin then leaves as he is part of a team in a hide and seek tournament and his team is in the semifinals. As he is leaving, Patty makes a joke about how her cousin is half as dumb and will work for Vienna Sausages. Patty then reveals the car and it is a hearse


Erin and Abby aren’t sure about the hearse and she says that her uncle is a funeral director, also adding beggars can’t be choosers. Oh and if you are wondering why I am not talking about the Oprah quote that Patty said, I’m at this point going to wait until the joke is either funny or it is worth a real mention. Oh and Patty didn’t check if there was a body in the back. She reveals that if there is a body, Jillian can use it. Jillian then says that she already has seven uses in mind for a cadaver.

Considering The Look On Her Face, I Am Afraid To Know What Even One Of Those Uses Is

Patty says that was just a joke and that if there is a body, then they have to return it. Back in the building, Jillian revealed that she used some of the device they found in the subway as a booster for their proton packs and created a device to capture a ghost.


They go to the alley to test out their equipment. Abby tries it out and the kick back is very strong.


They all wait until the machine runs out of juice before they make adjustments on the machine. Now eating pizza at their workplace, Patty asks how Erin and Abby met. Erin reveals that Abby transferred to her high school junior year and then two started telling ghost stories so they became friends. Oh and they were outcasts as they were never invited to any parties the other high school students took part in. Abby was more okay with this than Erin since Abby thinks they were just dumb and she also thinks they weren’t invited because they told very scary ghost stories and the other kids were afraid of them.

Patty asks how they got into ghosts and Erin revealed that she saw one when she was eight years old. She explains that the mean old lady next door to her died and that night, she woke up and the old lady’s ghost was standing at the foot of her bed. The ghost did that every night for almost a year. Erin told her parents, but her parents never believed her and still don’t believe her. Erin had to go to therapies for years and the kids at school found out so they picked on her. She said Abby was the only person who believed her story.

We cut the outside of a building that is hosting a rock concert and Rowan is there.


An Ozzy fan gives Rowan a high five and says Ozzy Rocks. After the guy leaves, Rowan says this world cannot be cleansed fast enough as he enters the building with his backpack.

On the news, the reporters talk about the video of the ghost, calling the women Ghostbusters (despite them hating that name), and have a respected professor named Martin Heiss (who Erin thinks highly of, despite him being a Famed Debunker).

Hey, Bill Murray. You Didn’t Want To Do Any Ghostbuster Sequel After 2, Yet You Wanted To Do This.

And to the Ghostbusters shock (but not mine and I’m sure not the audience’s), Martin Heiss says this stuff is BS. Erin says they are going to catch a ghost and prove this debunker wrong. The phone rings and again, they have to remind Kevin his job is to answer it. He answers it and says okay before hanging up, then asking which of these pictures makes him look like more of a doctor.


They demand to know who was on the phone call and he says that it was Stonebrook Theater and a “goat” is on the loose (meaning ghost). They get ready to head out so they can take care of this ghost. Patty also reveals she made gear for the Ghostbusters so they won’t get slimed on their good clothes again.


Oh and the Ghostbuster hearse gets a makeover.


Despite Abby not liking it since that is her uncle’s hearse, everyone else loves it. And oh dear god….the cover version of the Ghostbusters theme with Fall Out Boy and Missy Elliot plays. And boy does it suck. And I got even more bad news, this is one of three covers of this song that is in the soundtrack.

They arrive at the theater and get their gear ready.


Erin and Abby get confused as to who gets to say “Let’s Go”, but since Erin said it first, they are going to go with that. As they enter the theater, they are met by Jonathan, who is the theater manager.

Hey Michael McDonald…I See That You Took Care Of That Steam Caused By The Leprechaun

As a guy is left in a stretcher, Jonathan tells them to follow him. Jonathan tells them the situation and if they roam around enough, they will eventually run into it before leaving. They decide to split up and if they see it, to contact everyone else on their walkie talkies. On the stage, the rock concert begins.


While it is going on, Erin goes through the mannequins that have wigs and gets scared a bit when Jillian pretends to be one of the mannequin heads.

Okay, I’ll Admit I Snickered A Bit At This

Jillian asks if it is the wig or hat, but Erin just looks at her with a sigh as she tells her to just come on. Meanwhile, Abby’s PKE meter is going off the fritz so the ghost must be nearby. She goes into the room and sees the machine that is causing the ghosts.


Abby radios the others that she believes she has found one of those devices. Patty talks to herself thinking this was gonna be like some book club and play Stevie Nicks alb…okay, that makes no freaking sense. They told you they don’t do that and you know they deal with real ghosts based on the subway scene. Gah….this writing fucks itself so many times.

She also says that if she sees two twins from The Shining, she is going to pass out.

You Aren’t Worth Our Time, Lady

She enters a mannequin room and leaves almost immediately, not knowing one of the mannequins is moving.

Can You Believe These Idiots??

Patty continues talking to herself about how she wishes she was back at her job working at the subway.

And The Mannequin Is Following Her

She turns around and wonders if the mannequin was there before. The thing starts chasing her.

You Are Too Stupid For Me To Be Playing This Game.

Patty runs into the others as they are looking at the device and she tells them about the mannequin. The mannequin immediately breaks through.

Here’s Manny!!!!

Jillian says hi to the mannequin and Abby says all their theories of spectral possession are true. They immediately get their proton packs ready and shoot out the lasers.


This destroys the mannequin and reveals the ghost, which looks like a dragon.


The ghost dragon runs away and they give chase. The creature heads upstairs and onto the stage.


Everyone including the band thinks this is a special effect, despite the guy on the booth trying to yell that it isn’t his. The Ghostbusters see that the rock music is making it angry and the lead singer says that they have raised Satan himself, the ghost dragon then attacks the lead singer.

That Lead Singer Is Also The Voice Of Slimer

The lead singer gets pushed into the TV and the crowd still thinks this is an act. The Ghostbusters head out to attack the ghost. Jonathan is not happy about them firing blindly at the creature as the theater is art deco. And after destroying a sculpture, he screams like a girl. They decide to divide and conquer the creature with Abby getting on a mosh pit.


Patty tries the same thing, but everyone moves out of the way, causing her to hit the floor.

Patty: Okay, I Don’t Know If This Is A Race Thing Or A Lady Thing, But I’m Mad As Hell.

I think it was a race thing so….


As Patty gets up, the ghost dragon perches on Patty’s shoulders.


They tell Patty to stay still, but Patty wants to go. Patty goes to leave and some morons decide to take a selfie with it.


The other three Ghostbusters shoot their beams onto the ghost dragon.


They then capture the ghost dragon.


They all look upon the ghost trap, knowing they have succeeded. They tell the crowd this and the crowd cheers. The band continues to play. After the band is done, Jillian gets too excited and bashes a guitar.


Jillian apologizes to the guitar player and says that she can’t buy him another one.

Ozzy Osbourne Yells To An Invisible Sharon That He Thinks He Is Having Another Flashback.

The Ghostbusters leave the theater with the captured ghost when they get interviewed. Abby says that they are scientists and they are here for the unanswerable questions….oh and there is no more ghost in the theater. Rowan sees their capture in a theater and realizes that someone is trying to stop him.


The Ghostbusters then celebrate their success back at their workplace.


Kevin even gets in on the fun.


They are happy as Jillian also reveals more upgrades to the suits, but Prof. Heiss shows up.


Martin demands to see the ghost they captured. Abby doesn’t want to show the ghost as they don’t feel it is safe yet, but Martin doesn’t care and thinks they are still phonies. After hearing all of this, Erin opens the trap.


Martin calls for the ghost and the ghost comes out, throwing Martin through a window and killing him.


The police come and demand to know who threw Martin out a window. They say a ghost did it and the cop doesn’t believe them. Oh and for some reason talked about Patrick Swayze. Two government agents in Agent Hawkins and Agent Rourke.

Hey, It’s Omar Little From The Wire (Hawkins) And Thomas The Boss From Ted (Rourke).

They tell the Ghostbusters that they need to come with them and they head to the office of the Mayor of New York.

Mayor Andy Garcia…I Know He Has A Character Name, But He Is Being Called Mayor Garcia. Also His Assistant Is There Too (Named Jennifer Lynch, Played By SNL’s Cecily Strong).

Basically, the mayor reveals that Hawkins and Rourke are with Homeland Security and they have been monitoring this ghost situation and Rowan North very closely. The mayor tells them that they have been doing great work, but they need to knock it off as they need to let the government take care of this. I want you all to know that before this scene, I was not going to nominate this for the GINO Award because despite all the missed jokes, it wasn’t terrible. But then this next line by Mayor Garcia put this movie into the point where I had to nominate it for the GINO Award.

Mayor Garcia: We are going to have to make the public believe you are frauds.

WHAT???!!!!!!

What the fuck does that accomplish?? The whole rock concert thing got national exposure as did the death of Martin Heiss?? Unless Rowan lives under a freaking rock, he knows someone is onto his scheme!!! Maybe he doesn’t know about the government after him, but does that really fucking matter??? He knows someone is after him and he doesn’t need to see that everyone sees them as frauds to see them as a threat. THIS IS STUPID!!!

Thank You, Godzilla

They are so outraged and Jennifer says the human brain can handle so much so there might be a panic so they need to get the word out there that it was all a hoax to avoid mass hysteria. Abby seems to be okay with this and explains that they want to them to metaphorically “put the cat back in the bag”. Basically, the government is trying to cover this up. Basically, that is all.

Back at the alley, Abby explains that the mayor said they can continue their work and Jillian reveals that she created some new weapons.


One of them is a ghost grenade which Jillian has Erin try out.


Jillian then reveals a ghost chipper, which she has Patty try.


Jillian then has Abby try on the Proton Glove.


The beam destroys a motorcycle.


Abby thinks that was awesome and that bike belonged to the Chinese Takeout guy, who I have no problem with considering his crappy service. Meanwhile, Jennifer is saying how fraudulent and unsafe these Ghostbusters are. Abby tries to tell the group that no one should care what anyone else thinks and talks about the ghost sightings. Erin realizes there is a pattern with the laylines. Abby and Erin had ignored this theory as they thought it was too insane, but it seems a reality and whoever is doing this is creating a vortex. Abby says that if he gets one of his machines in there and it is big enough, he is going to rip a hole through the barrier between this world and the paranormal one. They see the pattern reveals that the center is the Mercado Hotel and Abby decides to call it in. Patty reveals that all sorts of massacres happened in this area even before it was the Mercado Hotel. Patty also reveals the creepy man she saw works for this hotel and is named Rowan North.


They gear up and head to the Mercado Hotel. They head to the Mercado Hotel and they talk to the clerk.

Who Is Annie Potts, Who Played Secretary Janine In The Original Ghostbusters

They ask where the janitor is and she tells him he is downstairs, not wanting to know what that freak has done. They go downstairs and confront Rowan, with his crazy machine.


Abby demands he shut it down. Abby says they like the way the world is and Rowan goes on a spiel about how he has been disrespected his entire life. Basically, he is an anti-bullying allegory. He says that he sees things and for that, he is rewarded with scorn and mockery, while they say so did they, but they didn’t want to end the world. Abby tries to talk him down by saying that she gets that people are terrible, but there are so many wonderful things out there. It doesn’t work so they have to tell him that the police are on their way. With this, Rowan decides to kill himself via electrocution.

Bad Guy Dead, So Movie Over, Right? How Long Does This Movie Have? *Looks At Time* 43 MORE MINUTES!!! OH, COME ON!!!!

Jillian shuts the machine down just as the authorities come. As everyone is around, Jillian reveals that Rowan has been reading the book that was written by Abby and Erin. Jennifer Lynch comes down and thanks them for their efforts, before having them arrested and blamed for the event.

OH BULL FUCKING SHIT!!!

There is no reason for this now. The bad guy was stopped, as far as you know. You can call Rowan a terrorist and reveal that he had created a bomb that would cause mass damage. You could also walk the Ghostbusters out the back so they would never know they were there as well (you could easily have the hotel owner make up some story about them taking care of something else like maybe a birthday party (like in Ghostbusters 2). Oh and after the cops leave (not even bothering to take a bit of the machine down in case he had an accomplice), we see the PKE meter going on the fritz showing that there is a ghost.

The next day, Erin looks at the book that they recovered from Rowan’s place and starts to notice that is where Rowan drew in the book on his plans.


It also turns out that Rowan intentionally killed himself so he could come back as a ghost and complete his plans as one of them.


Seeing that this whole nightmare isn’t over, she immediately leaves her room to warn someone.

Back at Ghostbusters HQ, Abby hears a knock on the door. Abby answers it (thinking it is one of the other Ghostbusters), but when she answers, no one is there. Abby is a bit weirded out by this as she closes the door. She then locks herself into the bathroom and a banging on the door ensues. Abby demands who is out there and says if it is Jillian, then she is in trouble. Suddenly, noise comes from the pipe and Abby goes to investigate the sink. Rowan’s ghost says “Hello, Abby”, before bursting out possessing her.


The answering machine downstairs answers and it is Erin trying to warn them that she believes that the whole Rowan situation may not be over yet. A news report announces that the mayor is meeting with diplomats at a restaurant called Lotus Leaf so she goes down there to warn them of the upcoming danger.

Back at Ghostbusters HQ, Patty and Jillian have arrived with sandwiches so Abby would not need to wait for hours for food from the Chinese takeout place. Jillian knocks on the bathroom door and a possessed Abby comes out, trying to act normal. Abby finds a pipe that Jillian found in the dumpster and starts to use it to destroy stuff, revealing her possession.


Jillian stops her from destroying the gear that she calls her babies and Abby attacks her as well as Patty, knocking Jillian to the ground and throwing the pipe at Patty, who she barely misses. Abby grabs Jillian and attempts to throw her out of the window.


Patty tries to save Jillian, but Abby attacks her. During their struggle, Abby rips off The Exorcist by turning her head backwards.

The Exorcist…A Perfect Film For Your Kids To Watch. Then Again, I Watched That Film At 11 As Part Of Monster Vision So What Do I Know.

Patty eventually saves Jillian and gets on top of Abby so she can slap the ghost right out of her.


The ghost leaves and Abby feels the slap. Patty still thinks Abby is possessed so she slaps her a second time. Patty sees that it is Abby back to normal and Abby wonders where the ghost went. Suddenly, they hear Kevin outside who reveals he has a motorcycle now.

He Also Believes They Will Need His Help So He Now Set Up His Motorcycle To Match Their Car.

They try to get Kevin to come inside, but Kevin is too much of a moron to understand their warnings and Rowan’s ghost possesses Kevin.


Rowan thanks them for the upgrade and rides away in the motorcycle.

At the Lotus Leaf, the mayor and his assistant are talking to diplomats when Erin comes in to warn them. The mayor and his assistant does not want to be embarrassed so Jennifer acts like the mayor is busy and she needs to go. A rumbling begins and Erin thinks it has begun, but it is only the garbage men rolling down a dumpster.


Erin says that might have been a false alarm there, but he still needs to do something like evacuate the city and turn off the power so he doesn’t become like the mayor in Jaws, something the mayor takes heavy offense to, telling her to never compare him to the Jaws mayor.

You’re Right, Mayor Garcia. I Won’t Compare You To The Mayor In Jaws Because We Saw In That Film The Mayor At Times Had Reason And Wasn’t A Complete Idiot!!! And I’m Going To Spoil A Bit Here, After This Whole Problem Is Really Over…This Mayor Will Still Try To Say There Were No Ghosts. You Being Compared To The Mayor In Jaws Would Be An Insult To That Mayor In Jaws!!!!

Mayor Garcia has bodyguards take Erin away.

And To Prove That Erin Is Not A Complete Psychopath, She Acts Like A Complete Psychopath. I Think You Can See Why This Movie Is Getting Inducted.

Possessed Kevin comes to the basement of the Mercado Hotel and when cops try to stop them, he knocks them out with ease.

Rowan Even Jokes In Kevin’s Voice That He Definitely Should Have Worked Out More

Kevin then goes to his machine (which had never been taken apart in any way) and turns on the machine to begin what he calls The Fourth Cataclysm.


Erin still runs out of the street trying to get everyone out of the city with zero success when a small rumble happens and she now knows it is too late. People start running as spirits start descending down from the sky.

We see a few of these ghosts like flasher ghost.

Who Still Had Pants On….Because PG-13

The Ghostbuster car…

Now Being Ecto-1

It leaves the garage as Abby, Jillian, and Patty try to deal with the mess. Erin meanwhile hails a taxi which is driven by Dan Aykroyd.

Oh Dan….Even You Couldn’t See By The Script What They Were Doing To Your Baby. Well, I Hope The Paycheck Was Big Enough

Erin tells him to take her to Chinatown, but he doesn’t want to. She tries to say those are actual ghosts flying around, but he “ain’t afraid of no ghost” and leaves.

Worst Cabbie EVER!!!!

Meanwhile, the other three Ghostbusters try to get to the epicenter of this disaster, but they hit a blockade made out of food trucks so they get out of Ecto-1 to clear a path. As they do this, Slimer comes out of one of the food trucks and steals Ecto-1.

Yes, These Ghostbusters Got Carjacked By Slimer.

Oh and Jillian reveals that the equipment on top of the car is like a nuclear reactor so they gave a ghost a nuke so they run. As they run, they notice ghost balloons.

Yes, You Heard Me….Ghost Balloons.

The balloons see them so they have to use their proton lasers to shoot balloons. They pop several balloons, but one balloon seems to be better than the rest.

Yes, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Is Just A Balloon

The Stay Puft Balloon belly flops onto the Ghostbusters and is starting to crush them when Erin saves them with a Swiss Army Knife.

A Sad Way For This Stay Puft Marshmallow Man To Go Down. Oh And How The Hell Did Erin Get Her Suit So Fast??!!

They decide to save the city and get their terrible receptionist back because they aren’t going to find another one that pretty.

The military and cops (as well as Hawkins & Rourke) descend onto the Mercado Hotel in hopes of stopping this cataclysm, but possessed Kevin stops them by using magic to stop their bodies from moving.

Oh No….Disco Time

The Ghostbusters arrive and Possessed Kevin makes a joke about how women are always late. He then sends ghosts after them.

Led By Uncle Sam

Dammit Sam, I Never Thought I Would See Your Ass Again

The Ghostbusters use their weapons to stop these ghosts.

Like The Proton Rays

The Ghost Grenade

The Proton Glove…Nah, I’m Gonna Save That Power Glove Quote From The Wizard For A Movie More Deserving

The Ghost Chipper That Turns The Ghost Dragon Into Goo

Erin uses a gun that Jillian never tested to defeat the first two ghosts we saw.


Jillian then reveals she created two hand guns that work like the proton beams, but smaller. But she licks them first.

Holy Crap…Even I’m Not This Random

She then uses them to effect.


She even destroys the Uncle Sam Ghost.

So Long Uncle Sam, Hope I Never Have To Deal With You Again

You know, I was criticizing this whole movie for the most part, but that action scene was pretty awesome. It may have been a lot of CGI, but for this…it worked.

After all those ghosts were defeated, they head to the Mercado Hotel.

Oh And We See That Slimer Is Having A Good Time On His Joyride With Ecto-1.

He Even Managed To Pick Up A Female Slimer.

They go to stop the machine, but Kevin stops them. They demand Rowan’s ghost get out of Kevin’s body, but he decides to act like Peter Pan for some reason.


He then says that this guy is making him feeling stupid by the second so Kevin is all theirs, getting out of his body in an attempt to kill him.

Erin And Jillian Save Him

They try to get Rowan’s ghost, but he is too fast for them. He then decides to have real fun for them and create a new form for himself, one of their choice. Patty says she would prefer him to be a friendly little ghost. He then asks if they would prefer the one in their logo.

Okay….That Looks Cute

They say yes to that and he gives them what they want….but he grows and becomes a monster.


He forces the Ghostbusters out of the building and into the authorities, who all fall down. They run as Giant Rowan Ghost comes out of the building.

Basically Destroying The Mercado Hotel In The Process

The Rowan Ghost chases them and they hide to figure out a plan. They get to the portal and reveal they need an insane amount of energy to reverse it. They see the ghost-driven Ecto-1 coming towards them and get an idea. They move and the ghosts fall into the portal. The Ghostbusters then shoot at the canisters on top to create an explosion with amount of energy needed to reverse the portal.


The portal starts sucking in all the ghosts, putting the building back together, and Rowan Ghost starts getting sucked in as well.


Rowan Ghost holds onto some buildings so the Ghostbusters blast him to make him let go of his grip. 

Yeah, And They Shoot Him In The Crotch To Do This

Rowan Ghost lets go of his grip and goes into the portal, but not before taking Abby with him.


Both Patty and Jillian think Abby is doomed, but Erin makes a last ditch effort to save her by going into the portal with the cord of a tow truck.


She frees Abby from Rowan Ghost and gets out of there.

Although The Two Do Have White Hair

They all celebrate even though both Erin and Abby have to deal with their white hair now. The Ghostbusters become known now and Mayor Garcia (like I said) still says this is all false and his excuse is terrorists drugged all the water with hallucinogens.

Even The Actor Andy Garcia Is Done With This Shit

Oh and Al Roker is there to say the government is claiming this wasn’t supernatural, asking if it was the four Ghostbusters who thwarted the attack. The Ghostbusters are watching this and…

Well, So Much For Erin And Abby Having White Hair As They Used Hair Dye.

Erin asks if her new hair is okay and Jillian jokes that she would talk to Erin in an AA meeting, even winking at her. She then makes a toast which is basically about physics for some reason.

Then Jennifer shows up.


She basically says the mayor and the government say their thanks although privately. But they do say the Ghostbusters will be fully funded so they can study the paranormal so they hopefully will be better prepared next time. Oh and that includes getting the 5 Hook & Ladder Building where the original Ghostbusters were at.


Patty’s uncle Bill shows up wondering what happened to his hearse.

Hey, I’ve Seen You In Worse So This Is A Small Improvement From DragonBall: Evolution.

Abby and Erin leave the two to deal with this as we head to credits, but sadly there is stuff in the credits as well.

With The Chinese Delivery Guy Hugging Abby For Saving The City.

Kevin Still Being An Idiot

Jillian Revealing A Ghost Bear Trap That She Believes May Send Them To Michigan

Jillian Revealing A New Ghost Containment Unit And Her Mentor Dr. Rebecca Gorin.

The City Giving The Ghostbusters Thanks.

Oh and as the credits still go on, we see a cut scene where possessed Kevin and the authorities under his trance….dance. And after the credits, we get a scene where Patty is listening to an audio and asks Erin.

Patty: What’s Zuul?

Yeah, they were teasing a sequel there….which will probably never happen.

When the film came out, it at first got good reviews, but as more came in…the film didn’t get those great reviews. The biggest issue though was the box office. This film was expected to more than its money back and for what it cost to make the film, it did. But they spent a lot more on marketing making it need $300 million to break even for all of that and it made $229.1 million. What happened, you may ask? Well, the idiot filmmakers expected to make some money in the newer market in China (something that Warcraft did well to break even completely, why Michael Bay has China featured in many of his Transformer movies, and why Doctor Strange’s master The Ancient One was not Tibetan). But what they failed to know is that China has a bit of an issue with releasing films that deal with paranormal ghosts so it must have come to a shock to the filmmakers only that China didn’t release the film. Also, all that vitriol that the filmmakers and cast gave to the hardcore fans (calling them sexist if they don’t spend hard earned money in today’s economy and with today’s ticket prices to see it), they basically became they made their self-fulfilled prophecy by doing so as several hardcore fans just said no to seeing it.

Now to my personal opinion on the film (since talking about cast from aftermath last year is really not worth mentioning because most are fine). I can’t lie to you Ghostbusters fans, this film is bad and it has nothing to do with the cast as they did fine in their roles (even the ones I was worried about were fine). The ultimate failure of this film is its writing. Jokes so many times fall completely flat and many references to the original feel just thrown in. Great actors like Andy Garcia are made to look completely stupid and the overall villain aspect is terrible and unneeded. Also, there are times where Paul Feig wanted to do Bridesmaids jokes, but forgetting that it is PG-13 and not R-Rated like Bridesmaids was. While I will not say it was even close to the worst film I saw (even though I saw more flaws the second time I saw it so I could do this induction), it is not good and it leaves me wanting to watch the original more (and even Ghostbusters 2, for all the flaws that film has). Or I could rent and play that awesome video game with the original crew. 

So with that done and the new year, I guess I need to get films from NegaSeth that he says is chosen by the fans until the summer when I have to deal with another Porno Pete Summer (I can't believe that son of a bitch with his record ended up winning his entire league) so what do you have. 


Please Don't Remind Me Of That Crap.

Oh yeah, you had the best record going into the playoffs out of us all and you choked, didn't you?

You lost too and remember that you are going to be suffering more from that guy's crap than I am.

Oh come on, just let me have one small bit of joy.

No. Although you might be happy that the poll this week (that I had to scrounge up late) was very competitive this time, but ultimately....they chose one film that got two votes late to get the win. Seth, do you like dogs?

Well, I own a dog in Maili (who is my current intern) and last month, had to do an RIP for a dog named Bandit (who was my temporary intern 2012-2013), so yes.....I love dogs. 

Well good, because this film deals with dogs and how they can be hell, if you catch my drift.