Saturday, March 18, 2017

Monster Crap April 2017 Induction Poll


Seth tells me he is having a bad day, but I find that laughable so let's make his day even worse and can we please this time pick a movie that he is going to hate?



Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)
Night of The Living Dead Gets An Unneeded Remake (Because There Was Already A Good Remake Filmed)


Image result for pumpkinhead ashes to ashes dvd
Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes (2006)
This Film Should Have Been Burned Before Release

Gamera vs Viras 1968.jpg
Gamera vs. Viras
Squid People Try To Defeat The Turtle Full Of Meat In This Film

Grudge2tease1-2.jpg
The Grudge 2 (2006)
What Began With One....Will End With Crap

Image result for lost boys the tribe
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
Proof That Just Because You Were Able To Cast The Brother Of The Actor Who Played The Last Bad Guy Doesn't Mean He Is Gonna Work Just As Well

Image result for final days of planet earth
Final Days Of Planet Earth (2006)
This Movie Found A Way To Make Bug People Seem Rather Boring

Image result for hellraiser hellseeker
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Despite Being Able To Get The Only Actress Who Was In The Two Good Films, It Couldnt Stop The Franchise From Still Being Pathetic

Son of Godzilla 1967.jpg
Son of Godzilla (1967)
Introducing The Horror To Godzilla Fans That Is Minya

Prom Night 2.jpg
Hello, Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
This Film Probably Should Have Stayed Torched Like The Evil Prom Queen Was

Image result for screamers the hunting
Screamers: The Hunting (2009)
Screamers Deserved Better For A Sequel

Poll Closes At March 25 at 12 AM


Impact Implosion for Mar. 16 - Alberto El Patron Vacates the Title

Show was better that last week easily. However, you might notice I have speech issues and my explanation for that is I am sadly suffering from a MS attack (even I didnt know that was the issue at the time). 

Click Here To Listen

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Impact Implosion for Mar. 9 - Lashley vs. Alberto El Patron

I have nothing to say about this episode other than it sucked. 

Click Here To Listen

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Impact Implosion for Mar. 2 - Broken Matt Is Leaving Impact

*Sigh*

This truly is a sad show because 6 people are no longer part of TNA, including the joy of Impact every week....The Broken Hardys. We also lost former world champion Drew Galloway, Former X Division Champion Mike Bennett, and former Knockout Champions Jade & Maria. Now Maria and Miracle I'm okay with....but losing Jade (who was the only really great Knockout who can fight champion Rosemary right now) and Drew Galloway (who is great in almost every match of his) just sucks. So while this show is okay, its just too damn depressing and we had already dealt with reading one day of spoilers (and sadly they rarely got better) so I may be drinking in future episodes of Impact Implosion. Oh and this show got fucking cut as hell too. 

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Saturday, February 25, 2017

Monster Crap Inductee: Devil Dog: Hound of Hell (1978)

Monster Crap Inductee: Devil Dog: The Hound Of Hell
No Cream Filling Sadly

1978

Made For TV movies.

You all have heard of it from channels like SyFy, Lifetime, or Hallmark, but back in the day, Made For TV movies used to be on the primetime channels and sometimes you would get a great film.

This Definitely Comes To Mind When Saying Great Made For TV Films On Major Channels

If you know this site long enough, we won’t be getting a good one and since Dark Night of the Scarecrow aired on CBS, it seems perfect to talk about Devil Dog: The Hound Of Hell because that also aired on CBS. In the 70s and 80s, satanic and cultish stuff was a huge fear factor for people in crime.

You Can Thank Pricks Like Charles Manson….Who California Keeps Having Parole Hearings For As Well As His Other Family Members Responsible For That Murder Spree.

In fact, there was an episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker called The Devil’s Platform about a dog from hell. CBS wanted to continue the story from that episode, but they never could get permission from the makers of that show. So instead they would create a new story. And to make this sort of credible, they got an okay director Curtis Harrington (who did the Killer Bees and really needed the money) and some decent actors like Yvette Mimieux (who played Weena in the 1960s The Time Machine, starring Rod Taylor) and Richard Crenna.

Col. Trautman, The Only Man That John Rambo Will Listen To. *Salutes*

Well, this was before he became Trautman so they originally wanted Tom Skerritt, but he was in talks to do Alien at the time so he was unavailable. Tom may have made the better option considering one is memorable and the other was in the vault or would come from Bootleg Dealers until 2005 when it was released on DVD and released on Blu-Ray in 2011.

There also are two children actors Kim Richards and Ike Eisenmann who were also in the original Witch Mountain series of films. So with all of that and not much else, let’s get to this Made For TV movie.

We begin this film with a black station wagon heading to the Lakeland Kennel.


There the people in the vehicle lead by a woman meet the owner at the gate.


The woman says they were recommended to him by the National Breeders Guide as he has some good dogs and the owner says that they won’t find any better. The woman says the breed doesn’t matter, but they need a special dog. While the owner shows them around, it is strange to him that all the dogs are barking wildly at the people dressed in all black. The woman than explains that they are interested in a female dog who is intelligent and healthy. Also, they want one who has given birth to a litter to “prove herself” and is in season now so she is ready to breed. The owner knows of such a dog and directs them to a German Shepherd named Lady.


The owner says she is as good as they come and has had two litters already. He also reveals that three of her pups are Blue Ribbon winners and is great around children. The woman explains that she won’t be around children and that she is perfect for what they need. The owner then is hesitant about giving over Lady as he was about to breed her with another dog, he is very fond of Lady, and says that he can only give her away for no less than $5,000. They buy the dog regardless and you can tell that Lady is not too happy about this sale. 

So we head to a barn which is being used for a satanic ritual which is led by the same woman.

I Guess I Should Mention That This “Red-Haired Lady” (That Is How She Is Credited As Despite Not Having Red Hair) Is Martine Bestwick, Who Was One Of Few Women Who Was Cast In Two James Bond Films (Zora In “From Russia With Love” & Paula In “Thunderball). She Also Was In One Million B.C. Where She Met Her Ex-Husband John Ricardson (Who Was Tumak). She Was Also Sister Hyde In Doctor Jekyll And Sister Hide So This Actress Has Quite The Acting Resume For Someone Who Will Barely Be In This Movie. I’m Not Kidding…After This Satanic Ritual, She Is Done With Movie.

She reveals that for 1,000 years mankind has waited for the return of Barghest, who is apparently the spawn of Satan. Oh and we also get the title screen.


They all leave the room and we see some red tinting coming towards the barn.

Aw Crap….I’m Being Attacked By The Tinting From That Madman DVD I Used To Induct That Film.

Actually, this is just to be the view from the Barghest as he goes inside the barn and impregnates Lady.

You Didn’t Think The 1993 Film Man’s Best Friend Was The Only Film To Have A Dog Getting Raped Off-screen, Did You?

Oddly enough, the director actually wanted a Rottweiler to be the Devil Dog. But he was told by people that Rottweilers aren’t exactly smart with commands so to get the most out of a dog while sort of being a dangerous dog, they had to get a German Shepherd. Considering how little of a menace this dog really looks in the film, they may as well have gotten a Rottweiler or a Pit Bull. You’ll understand later on in the film.

Anyway, another day (I can’t say next day because the next time we see Lady, she has already given birth to the kids), Mike Barry comes out from Wincott Aerodynamics.

Since The Gate Keeper’s Name Is Scottie, I’m Sadden We Got No “Hey Scottie….Jesus, Man” Moment From This Film.

Mike goes to pick his wife Betty from the veteran’s hospital.

Betty: Hi Honey, Hope You Didn’t Get Attacked By A Grizzly Today.
Mike: Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha…..I hope Eric Shinseki Didn’t Fuck Things Up Again

Anyway, she shows him a painting that one of the patients drew. They drive to their house and sadly come across the run over body of their dog Skipper.

Poor Skipper…And All He Wanted To Do Was Be The First Dog To Captain A Ship, Crash On An Island, And Have His Own Version Of Gilligan’s Island.

I Know, Maili…That Was A Terrible Joke I Just Made.

A neighbor named George comes over and explains that Skipper was chasing after what he assumed was raccoons when this black station wagon (that was parked over by the corner) just ran him over and drove off.


George tried to follow in his own car, but he lost it. Now who in the hell would kill a good dog like th…

Oh….

Mike asks if the kids saw it and George says he doesn’t think so. So we go inside where Bonnie has cancelled the birthday party (it was her birthday today) and is heartbroken that Skipper is dead.

You Know What Would Be A Good Cure For This, Bonnie? A Dr…Yeah, I Can’t Go There With This Actress As That’s Just Cruel.

Mike and his son Charlie come home with the food, only to find out that the party was cancelled.

All That Good Food Going To Waste.

Mike tries to comfort his daughter and promises her they will get another dog. Unfortunately, as is usual once a pet dies, they don’t want another one and want the one that just died. Trust me, I’ve been there with dogs….twice (technically three times if we count my brother’s dog that just died). She also uses the old line of “If something happened to her, would they get another daughter?” which is so wrong to do since one is a daughter and the other, while a member of the family and truly loved…is a dog that was not going to live her entire life. Bonnie tries to also make sense of it all when sadly, there is no real sense to be made with a hit and run.

Bonnie goes outside and Charlie follows. He asks to ride with Bonnie, which she accepts. But they don’t even get out of the driveway before a fruit and vegetable salesman comes by.

Wait A Minute…

It’s That Damn Member Of The Satanic Cult From Earlier. Whatever It Is He Is Truly Up To…

It’s No Good

Charlie asks if this guy grew the fruits and vegetables, which is confirms as he has a place uptown. The salesman (named Dunworth) offers Charlie a free sample of one of his apples (which could have razor blades in it for all we know) when a puppy pops up.

That’s Why This Wasn’t The Next Day. Heck, With The Way Those Dogs Have Aged, It Is At Least A Few Months Later.

Charlie likes seeing the puppies and shows Bonnie them. Dunworth even lets Bonnie hold one of them.


Dunworth offers them the puppy as he has 9 more that need to find a home. Bonnie initially declines (still getting over Skipper), but eventually is okay with having it. Charlie wonders if they should ask their mom and dad first, but Bonnie says it is her birthday so he eventually agrees to also let her keep the puppy. Dunworth remarks to Lady that they choose her favorite pup and leaves. Good-bye, Dunworth, Lady, and pups…your time is done in this movie.

We then go to the family watching the new puppy eat ice cream, remarking that just like Skipper (R.I.P.), he also likes ice cream.


Bonnie decides to name this dog Lucky. George comes by with his dog Prince.


They are introduced to Lucky and Prince definitely senses something wrong with Lucky as Lucky’s eyes are glowing

So Much So That Prince Grabs The Table Cloth And Knocks Everything Over On His Way Out.

George apologizes for Prince’s behavior and offers to pay for the damages as he leaves too. Bonnie tells her dad that she doesn’t want that awful dog (Prince) in her house again. Mike assures her that from now on, George will keep Prince in the backyard. Mike apologizes for the cake being smashed, but Bonnie is okay as she now has Lucky, which makes it the best birthday she has ever had.

Later, the maid named Maria comes by.


Even though Maria admits it is her day off, she came by because she was thinking of Bonnie all night and wonders if she can take her to the park. Bonnie comes in and reveals her new dog.

Maria Is Also A Little Weirded Out By The Dog (Despite Not Then Going On To Destroy The Table Like Prince Did).

Betty notices this and wonders if something is the matter, but Maria says nothing is wrong. Maria tells Bonnie to take the dog outside as he probably isn’t house broken yet and would make Maria have to was the floor all over again.

That night, Maria confides in Mike that she sense something wrong with that dog (after seeing its eyes glow) and she thinks he should take it back before the kids get too attached to the dog (too late as the moment the dog was theirs, they were attached….like what happens with most kids and a new dog). Mike says he will think about it, but of course he really isn’t since he already thinks Lucky will make a good watch dog when he grows up.

Later, the Barry family heads out for the school play and leaves Maria to take care of Lucky while they are gone.  Maria starts lighting candles to a religious shrine.

What? Not Every Suburban Family Has One Of These?

Maria grabs her rosary and starts praying so you know the evil pup can’t have that. So Lucky uses his evil psychic powers to set Maria’s arm on fire.

Quick, Run Outside So You Can Stop, Drop, And…

Nevermind…Seems Lucky Knows That Tactic Too And Makes Sure Maria Is Stuck In That Room.

Maria tries to escape while smoke is filling the room, but no luck. The Barry family comes back after a few hours and smell something burning. Mike goes to the room that Maria was in and is horrified by what he sees.

I’m Sure You Wish You Could See What Mike Is Seeing When He Says “On My God”, But You Can’t…Because This TV Movie Won’t Let You.

So we move to one year later (and I guess we are to assume Maria is dead as she is barely mentioned again) as Mike and Charlie are wondering what is up with the lawnmower.

Charlie: Maybe We Should Call The Lawnmower Man
Mike: The Hell We Are, Have You Seen Beyond Cyberspace?
Charlie: Yeah, That Would Be A Bad Idea.

And just so someone doesn’t bother asking, that was fake dialogue I did there. Anyway, you can tell it is one year later because Bonnie comes home with her new birthday present (which is getting her ears pierced) and Lucky comes out and he has grown.

Now That Is A Dog That Is Gonna Cause Nightmares As The Evil Dog

Bonnie gives Lucky a new collar for his one year anniversary. Mike tries to pet Lucky, but Lucky still seems to not want Mike to pet him. Lucky and the kids go inside and Mike doesn’t understand why that dog still won’t let allow the father to pet him. Mike says he has been around dogs since he was a kid and something is different about Lucky. Betty thinks he is imagining things and tells Mike not to work to late as they are going out to dinner later. Betty heads inside and Lucky heads back outside. There, Lucky stares at Mike and the mower to suddenly start again.


Lucky tries with his stare to get Mike to put his arm in the mower in hopes of cutting his hand off.


Mike fights this urge to cut off his own hand and Lucky eventually stops. Mike makes some of the strangest faces while struggling.

But Sadly Not The Strangest Face Someone Will Make In This Film, That Will Come Later

That night, Mike can’t get to sleep after what happened with the mower. But he doesn’t hear Charlie and Bonnie get summoned by the dog to go to the attic.

Yeah, Your Asses Would Be Busted If Mike Really Couldn’t Get Any Sleep.

The next day, Mike is upset that he has to work on Saturday and his wife tells him it is alright.

He Must Have A Boss Like This Guy. If He Does, That Would Be…Great

Betty says she plans on taking the kids to a Museum of Haitian Art that she is sure the kids will love. She then worries that she doesn’t see much of the kids anymore and Mike tells her that kids do grow up. Mike says if he finishes early enough, he will take everyone out to a Chinese dinner and leaves. Betty goes inside and looks for the kids. She goes into the kids’ room looking for him, but finds some of Charlie’s art instead and notices that there may be blood in his ink.

I Hope This Isn’t Chris’ Blood

Charlie and Bonnie come in angry that his mom is in his room and yell at her to get out.

Considering The Decade This Was In, I Think Those Kids Would Be Getting Ass-Whippings For This Type Of Behavior.

Betty wonders what is the matter with the two of them and Lucky gets on Charlie with his face.

Calm Down, Charlie….You Are Acting Way Too Suspicious.

Charlie calms down and apologizes, saying that they worked so hard while Bonnie says they wanted to surprise her with an art project they were doing. They get Betty out of the room so they can all eat breakfast.

At night, the kids head out as they have things to do which leaves Betty with Lucky. Mike also calls, saying he will not be able to come home in time to take them out to eat and Betty is worried about the kids. Mike says she can tell him all about it when he gets home. Betty goes to read a magazine, but Lucky starts creeping around.

I Would Like To Say This Is Supposed To Be Terrifying, But I Am Too Busy Laughing My Ass Off At This Attempt At Suspense

Betty gets weirded out by this, but has to focus on putting out a fire because she may have left some pots on the stove for too long and she has to close a back door that was left wide open. Then Lucky chases Betty to her room.

And By Chasing, I Mean Betty Does A Real Light Jog Every Few Feet And Lucky Just Fucking Walks Like A Normal Dog. All Of These Complete With Music That Says This Is Supposed To Be Spooky.

Lucky gets Betty to her room and closes the door behind him, signifying that Lucky will be doing something. Mike gets home after a few hours and wonders what Betty wanted to talk to him about, but Betty is calm now and just says it was just nothing. But how do we know Betty has changed from her past self, you may ask?

Because She Is Smoking, Dammit!

Because Drugs Are Bad, Mkay?

Betty decides that she wants to skinny dip in George’s pool and after some hesitation, Mike sees no problem in this.


They do a little kissing as we go to the next day, where Prince is barking at Lucky, who is in the house.


George wonders what the matter with him is as Betty comes down to tell the neighbor that he needs to shut that dog up. Betty tells George that all the neighbors are complaining and she thinks he needs to do something about Prince immediately. George says he has tried everything with Prince as he has had Prince for 8 years and until now he has always been behaved. Betty then says that Prince may be getting too old and George may need to put him down. George is insulted that Betty would even say a thing like that, especially since it is Lucky who always gets Prince riled up. Betty laughs it off, saying that Lucky hasn’t been getting any complaints. George puts his foot down and says the last thing he will ever do is put his dog to sleep. Betty just looks at him and leaves as Prince is still barking at Lucky.

George comes back from a jog to notice that a police officer is at his house with George and the other Barry family members are arguing. Mike wonders what is going on and George reveals that Prince got mutilated (off-screen). George shows the body.

Don’t Worry Your Innocent Heads, You Won’t Be Seeing It.

The other Barry family members are extremely callous about a man’s dog dying horribly and say it is false that their dog killed his dog. Kim even threatens to kill George and calls him an old creep. Mike says that he is sorry for George and his dog as he knew how much Prince meant to him, but asks to let it cool off and talk about it like friends. Betty then interrupts and says that George is no friend of theirs. The policeman says that they will all have to settle this themselves as without proof, this isn’t a police matter. I guess they didn’t have DNA testing yet or that would easily explain this whole thing.

George says it will be a police matter when that dog kills a kid or something. As the officer leaves, George says if he doesn’t take Lucky away, he will kill the dog himself. He says he will shoot him. Mike takes his family back to their house and once more apologizes to George for his loss. George says to see how he will like it when he finds his dog dead.

That night, Lucky sneaks into George’s property. Mike is awakened by a scream, but Betty tells him it was nothing and to go back to sleep, which he does. In the morning, both Bonnie and Charlie are laughing at the kitchen table when Mike wants to talk things over with George, but they refuse as they have nothing to say to him. Also, Charlie reveals that he is running for school president and Charlie thinks his chances of winning are 100%.

Oh Great….We’ve Got Another Donald Trump Here.

Mike goes to make peace with George, but is shocked to find George dead in the pool.

Okay, I’m Just Now Thinking Of That Dog Trying To Drown George. Or Killing Him And Dragging His Body To The Pool In An Attempt To Throw Off Suspicion.

We then move later that night as the school counselor Miles Amory rings the doorbell and wants to talk to Mike and Betty about Charlie. Betty doesn’t understand the issue as Charlie has straight As and was just elected school president. Miles asks if they know how Charlie won, which neither of them do. Miles reveals that Charlie’s opponent (who everyone thought would really win) was caught with a stolen watch and was suspended (making Charlie win by default), but Miles believes the kid might have been framed since it was Charlie’s friends who said he did it and were the supposed witnesses.

Yep….Almost Definitely Donald Trump

Mike asks what they think should be done and Miles thinks Charlie needs some professional help. Betty is against the idea, but Miles says there is a sort of corruption coming over him and other than that, he really can’t explain it. Mike reveals that they have also been getting the same type of worry with Bonnie too and Betty sees nothing wrong with either kid. She also has Miles leave as she has nothing more to say. Miles says he is going to have to look into this further. Miles leaves with Mike wanting to still talk with him as Bonnie and Charlie hear all of this and are very worried.

Oh No….The Jig May Be Up For Us.

The next day, Mike comes home and the kids say that mom says he won’t be home tonight and they should just order a pizza as Betty also won’t be home as there is an art show at the veteran’s hospital. We go to that night and Mike is wondering what Betty was doing that night because he knows she wasn’t working at the art show at the veteran’s hospital at night. Betty explains that she went to talk to Miles in hopes he can lay off his investigation of Charlie. Mike laughs and says that Miles would never go for her advances, which Betty says he did. Mike angrily leaves saying he is going to talk to someone who is truthful, like his friend Miles. I want to explain that Mike leaves in his car so I can tell you that even after a small head start, Betty sends Lucky to take care of Miles and guess who gets there first?

Apparently Barghest Powers Also Make You Sonic The Hedgehog…..Even In Slow Motion

At Miles’ house, Miles is in bed when the door to his bedroom blows open and the true form of the Barghest.

Bahahahahaha…..It’s Like Someone Super-Imposed The Dog To Be Bigger, Blackened It, And Put A Giant Head-Dress On It

Not Since Shark Attack 3 Have I Seen Super-Imposing This Bad

Even better is the reaction Miles has on this thing. Now I’m sure Miles Is legit supposed to be terrified of this thing and I’m sure he legit tried to be terrified, but tell me….

Does This Look Like Somebody Truly Terrified?

Mike gets to Miles’ house and sees Miles come running out of his house. He tries to run across the street in such terror that he doesn’t even notice the car also coming down that street and gets hit by it.

Yes, Miles Got Run Over And He Is Dead.

Mike definitely suspects the dog as the dog shows up as if to brag.

Yep….I Beat Your Ass Here. You Maybe Need A Better Car.

The next morning, Mike comes home to tell the family that Miles is dead. Betty says they know as they heard on the radio, but their behavior doesn’t seem to show any care whatsoever. Charlie in fact makes a joke about no one failing English now and Mike sends both kids to their room. Mike then talks about Betty’s “lover” dying and she doesn’t bat an eye, to which Betty says she doesn’t know what he is talking about. She even doesn’t know why he went over to Miles or why Lucky was there last night. Betty says they must train the dog not to chase his car because he could get hurt. Mike is still concerned even at night as he is looking at his wife, wondering what is going on.

He hears something that sounds like chanting going on upstairs so he goes to investigate. It sounds like the kids chanting in the attic so he goes to the attic. He sees nothing in the attic except for a circle with candles and a painting that is covered.


He goes to uncover the painting, but is told by Charlie not to. He turns around to see all three of the family members and the dog behind him.

Oh Come On!!!! I Can Understand The Kids Maybe Hiding. I Can Understand Maybe The Dog Having Barghest Powers. You Cannot Rationally Explain To Me How In The Hell Did Betty Get There And Be Able To Sit Down With Not A Sound Made??!!!

Mike unveils the painting anyway and…

Yeah, I Think You Can Perfectly Reason Your Family Is Into Devil Worshipping

Charlie then tries to explain that at 3 in the morning, he was up here painting that picture and nothing more, even though evidence of candle burning and chanting is there. The only explanation as to why, is so they can finish and Betty tries to say that it is pretty good. She then sends the kids to bed and follows them.

Mike visits the doctor the next day and wonders if things are wrong with him and the doctor says he is just fine.


The doctor wonders why he is here because he wasn’t due for another physical for another 6 months. He asks if Mike can tell him what he thinks is wrong. Mike says he was just checking on himself as he was planning a trip soon. The doctor then tells Mike that he doesn’t call for an immediate appointment for just that and wonders what is really going on. Mike explains that he was hoping for something to be wrong so it could explain what is going on lately and the only thing he can say as to what is going on lately is it is as if something evil has come into his house. He says his family has changed with his kids being different and his wife being so cold. He says he can’t even recognize them anymore and the strangest thing of all is it seems like there is some type of conspiracy against him by all of them.

When the doctor asks how long this has been going on, Mike explains that it has been going on ever since they got that new dog. He says that first he didn’t think anything of it. But then the deaths of three people have occurred who were friends. He even admits that this all sounds crazy, but it is all true. The doctor then wonders if things have been hectic at work and Mike says he has not been overworked. The doctor explains that there was a birthday where his co-workers gave him a clock with no hands on it, and recommends that Mike needs to stand back and take a good look at the situation. He says that two weeks alone with Betty will do him some good and gives him a prescription for some tranquilizers.

He goes home and waits until his wife gets home as she did a bit of shopping. Mike wonders why she isn’t at work as it was her day at the veteran’s hospital. Betty explains that she quit that place because they are a bunch of basket cases and she has wasted enough time on them already, with it all being too depressing. Betty says she has better things to do with her time and Mike wonders what is happening. Betty tries to have him have a drink, but Mike is adamant because with all the people dying and them changing, something is up. He thinks this somehow involves Lucky and Betty laughs this off. Mike explains that Maria tried to warn him about Lucky, but he didn’t listen and is wondering if maybe he should. He also explain that the damn dog tried to force him to put his hand in a lawnmower. Betty says if anything is wrong with this family, it is him.

Mike then says he was hoping that was true. He explains he went to the doctor to see what was wrong and of course, nothing was wrong. He also said everything else to the doctor and the doctor said he was overworked, recommending two weeks in Hawaii and some tranquillizers. The doctor then also had him visit a colleague of his who is a psychiatrist. Mike says he will not be spending months on a damn couch, not while there is a danger in the house in that dog. She decides that she has had enough for now as she is going to change and then make dinner.

Then Mike sees a news report of a man in a shootout with the police. The man’s wife is on the TV and she explains that her husband had never acted this way and says he kept saying the dog next door forced him to kill all those people. The reporter then asks if her husband had any mental issues and she says no. She doesn’t want to do any more questions and the reporter finishes the story as Mike definitely believes the dog is the problem. He goes to his drawer and grabs his gun. He also decides that he is taking the dog with him to wherever he is going, despite the fact that this upsets the kids.


Mike says the dog has to go and isn’t going to explain why. Charlie asks why he is doing this and Mike says he is afraid of the dog. Charlie then explains that he hates his dad while Bonnie also says not to hurt their dog and to never come back again. As Mike gets into the driver’s seat, Betty explains that he will never forgive himself for this. Mike leaves and takes the dog to a random spot in the middle of nowhere.

The Middle Of Nowhere Really Needs A Map To Tell Us Where It Truly Is As That Would Be Prime Real Estate.

Mike takes the dog out of the car. He apologizes to the dog if he is wrong before he tries to shoot it.

Like I Said, He Tried To Shoot The Dog, But The Bullets Just Disappear And Never Hit The Dog.

This definitely confirms Mike’s suspicions so he gets in his car and drives away.

Lucky: Wait…I Know I Am Evil, But You Are My Ride.
*Pause After Mike Leaves*
Lucky: Oh Great, I Guess I’ll Have To Use My Powers To Get Back Before He Do. Really Need To Thank The Roadrunner For That Teaching Me How To Get That Speed On Foot.

You may think I’m kidding you, but no. Lucky gets there before he does and the family acts like nothing happened.

Nobody Can’t See It, But Lucky Is Laughing Maniacally Inside His Head

Mike then goes to a woman who knows about the occult.


She talks to him about the Barghest. She explains that it is a creature from another world from another time, according to those who believe. She says it is a demon that appears in the form of a dog. When Mike asks if Lucky is a Barguest, the woman says that it is possible, but there is no way of knowing until you actually see the Barghest in its true form. She says he might have heard it as it is a sound not of this Earth, just like a high pitched shriek. Mike says he has heard it the night his neighbor’s dog was killed. Gee…this scream…it is almost as if we needed to be shown the night George’s dog getting killed and not be told about it.

The lady says she wants to help him, but she only runs a shop and is not a practitioner. Mike asks why it picked his family, but she doesn’t know that either. Mike says that of course, he could be cracking up and this all is in his mind. The woman says he will have to decide that. He asks what this Barghest looks like, which the woman responds that it is a monstrous thing, like a goblin dog with huge teeth and claws. She also says that it only appears at night.

Then she goes to get a book about the Barghest and reads that “the demon dog, the black dog, the dog of darkness…sometimes he runs with backward pointed feet, sometimes he is ablaze, sometimes he is headless, but even a glimpse of the beast in his true form will send a man to hell.” Mike says that she needs to help him so the woman wants to see the painting he brought with him, which was that painting Charlie made.


The woman says it is a pity that it is a one eyed devil as the one eye devil isn’t your brightest, but the three eyed devils (which this painting obviously shows that it is) is all seeing and all knowing. They are also the cleverest and she has never seen one like that before. Later, the woman found something in another book that talks about a demon of this kind being in a cliff in Ecuador, but that is all it says. The woman says that the book is rather incomplete, but it is a start. Mike agrees and thanks the woman, who reveals she wants to help in some way and reveals that if you hold a mirror to a sleeping person, you can then see the true state of the soul.

That night, Mike goes to Bonnie’s room as she is sleeping and he is able to sneakily hold the mirror to her face and see the true horror of her soul’s current state.

Oh No….His Daughter Got Some Special Make-Up On Her Face, But They Weren't Allowed To Go Full Exorcist

With that horrible revelation, Mike books a trip to Ecuador.

Okay…I Have To Stop This Movie Right Here.

You see, I actually had to look up this word Barghest to know how to spell it and I learned a lot about the so-called creature. One of the most important things I learned about it is in the folklore of NORTHERN ENGLAND, so unless the creature found a boat to Ecuador (which considering it has been asleep for a thousand years according to this film and Ecuador was only discovered by Spain in 1563…is next to impossible), there is no way you could find anything about a Barghest in Ecuador.

Moving on…Mike gets guided to this cliff where the drawings of the Barghest are by a taxi driver.


The cabbie says that the people who drew this died years ago and any information on this painting died with them. Mike says that he has come all this way and there must be someone who can help me on this. The cabbie reveals that his great grandfather is a shaman in the mountains (which they say is a two day drive, but it looks like they are able to get there on the same day) and if anyone would know about this stuff, it would be him. Mike wants to find this shaman, but the cab driver reveals that he won’t be able to find the shaman and instead the shaman will find him. Mike stays at the lake that is nearby and after a while, the shaman comes down from the mountain to find him.

It’s Victor Jory. You May Also Know Him As Jonas Wilkerson In “Gone With The Wind” And As Helen Keller’s Father In “The Miracle Worker”.

Mike sits down with the shaman and the shaman says he knows who he is (just because of magic I guess). He explains that he needs to draw this circle on his hand.


The shaman explains that the eye is all seeing and all penetrating. He says it will protect him from the great evil one (the Barghest). The shaman asks how the evil one has come to him and Mike explains it has come to him in the form of his dog and it has taken over his wife and kids. Also, the creature somehow kills anyone who tries to stop him. The shaman reveals that the evil has not killed him, but Mike says it tried. The shaman reveals that Mike is among the blessed and he has the special strength to resist the beast. The shaman then says to speak the words in the bible about the thousand years and at the end of a thousand years, the beast can be brought back by the evil of the Earth and back from the deepest depths of hell.

Mike asks how he can kill the creature and the shaman says that he can’t kill it. Mike says there must be a way as he can’t let the creature have his wife and children. The shaman says he could leave and be safe, but Mike refuses to run away from his family. The shaman then reveals that it can be locked away for another thousand years, but perhaps it may be at the price of Mike’s own soul. Mike asks how (not caring if he has to sacrifice his own soul) and the shaman smiles in saying that he wanted to be sure he was giving his great gift to the right man.

The shaman then has Mike follow him and starts creating the circle on Mike’s hand. He explains that the creature steals the souls of those you like and turns them against all that is right. He says those souls he has stolen no longer combine with nature and with the great plan. He then says that to look into the creature’s eye is to see the netherworld so do not look into its eye or he will die too as well as tumble to the depths of hell forever. The shaman says the Barghest fears this sign for it is the creature’s undoing. He tells Mike to hold the symbol he is drawing on his hand to the beast’s vision and the beast will be consumed by its own fire and called back to its master.

Mike flies back to wherever he lives and as he drives out of the airport, he is met by a familiar foe.

Aw….The Dog Really Missed Mike And Couldn’t Wait Till He Got Home To Welcome Him Back

Mike decides that he is going to lure the dog into a place he has chosen. The place Mike has chosen is the place he works at. And how is he going to lure the dog to that place by originally making the dog think he is chasing it with his car and then making a turn to his place of work. Scottie wonders why Mr. Barry is here and Mike says to just let him in, which Scottie does.

By The Way, I Am Perfectly Aware That Some Of The Film Quality In This Movie Sucks, But What Do You Expect With An Old Made-For-TV Movie That Probably Was Copied Off Of An Old VHS And Not The Master Print That CBS Owns. And Even If You Did That, CBS Probably Wouldn’t Know They Freaking Had It (Which Is Actually Something Very Common With Properties Not Released On DVD Or Properties In General) And Even Then…It Probably Wasn’t Kept In The Best Shape. So Just Be Happy With What You Got Because Trust Me, In The World Of Properties Never Before Released On Home Video Or DVD, There Can Be A Whole Lot Worse.

Okay, longest caption to one of these films I have ever had out of the way, let’s get back to the movie. Mike heads to a factory in the boiler room because that is the perfect place to battle a beast from hell.

You Sure This Is The Best Place To Fight A Demon Dog? I Mean, This Place Is Cramped And It Has Multiple Passages. That’s Why I Take My Victims Here Myself. It’s Perfect For Someone Like Me Against Kids Who Don’t Know Where They’re Going. But You Against A Demonic Dog? Well, Good Luck Because I Think You May Need It

So after a brief cat and mouse game where the two are looking for each other, they find each other and the demonic dog shows his true form and I’m not kidding you when I say the people doing the editing actually had to center the dog so it is not part of wall.

You Had One Job, People!!

Mike closes his eyes and we get a battle of a shining hand and a crappy effect that growls.

A Battle For the Ages…And Oh Dear God, You Can See Pipes Through The Damn Effect.

Oh and sometimes Mike would just grab the fur for some reason.

You’re Going To Let Me Touch You Once, Dog….Even If It Is During Our Final Battle

Ultimately, Mike wins and the Barghest is sent back to hell.

Via A Completely Terrible Effect.

And with the Barghest (and Lucky for that matter) sent back to where it truly belongs for another thousand years, Mike is able to go home and his wife hugs him, thanking god that the dog is dead. 


The next day, the family is heading for a trip when the son makes a stunning revelation: that there were ten pups in that litter and they only killed one of them so what about the other nine? Mike realizes that this may be over for them, but the Barghest still maybe out there and in the souls of 9 other dogs (one of which may have caused that person to go crazy on the TV). He shows some affection for his son and then has him get in the car as they drive away because it isn’t their problem anymore.

Superman In Superman: Grounded (Ask Expert On Crappy Comics Linkara As To Why On That One)

And so ends a movie that the producer thought would have many sequels (something he still believes in 2005), even though it had been 27 years since the film first aired on CBS….so yeah, that’s not happening anytime soon. The director of this film Chris Harrington had a different take on the film, calling it complete trash, considering it one of the worst films he has ever directed, and saying that he only did the film because he really needed the cash.

Now for aftermaths and I’ll save a bunch of them at the end as many of these people are sadly no longer with us. Ike Eisenman (who played Charlie) went on to become one of Khan’s underlings in Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan and has found a real career in voice acting like being in several English dubs of Miyazaki anime movies and did additional voices for one of my favorite cartoons of all time (even if it didn’t last so long).

Dino Riders!!!!

Kim Richards (who played Bonnie) retired from acting in 1989 and returned to acting in 2006, but she is now best known for being one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

The One Who Has A Bit Of A Drinking Problem And Got In Trouble With The Law Plenty Of Times. It Is So Bad That The Show Dropped Her From Being A Full Time Cast Member. Which Is Why I Stopped In The Middle Of That Drinking Joke Because It Was Too Cruel A Joke For Someone Who Has A Serious Problem.

James Reynolds (who played the cop) is still working and if you are a fan of soap operas, you may know him as he is Abe Carver in Days Of Our Lives.

If You Are A Fan Of “Days Of Our Lives”, You Better Know Who He Is As He Has Been On The Show Since 1981 (Three Years After Devil Dog: Hound Of Hell) And Is Still Going Strong

Ken Kerchevel (who played Miles) at the same year this movie came out found his own huge break as most will know him as…

Cliff Barnes In “Dallas”

A bunch of people stopped acting as well (either after this movie or after a few years (those included Martine Bestwick (who played the red haired lady) and Yivette Mimeux (who played Betty))), but unfortunately most of the people in this film are sadly no longer with us. Victor Jory (who played the shaman) died four years later in 1982 of a heart attack at the age of 79. Tina Menard (who played Maria) died in 1993 at the age of 88. R.G. Armstrong (who played Dunworth) was in several good movies (like Predator and Children of the Corn) before ultimately passing away in 2012 at the age of 95. Lou Frizzell (who played George) died one year after this movie in 1979 at the age of 59 after battling a lengthy illness. Director Curtis Harrington died two years after doing the interview on the DVD set (where he talked about his hatred of the film) in 2007 at the age of 80 from complications from a stroke. Finally, Richard Crenna (who played Mike) went on to play Col. Trautman in the first 3 Rambo films (and he was also in a movie I love called Leviathan), but sadly died in 2003 at the age 76 due to pancreatic cancer.

Now for my opinion on the movie, this is a made for TV movie that I could only recommend if you are really interested in Made for TV movies with bad effects, and even then…it has not aged well at all. The acting in the fine is fine, I guess (they had a good cast so of course that would happen)…but there is so much stuff that happens off-screen and what you see on-screen is not terrifying at all (despite trying to bring up the tension with music). I don’t even think this would terrify people who had a phobia of dogs as the dog seems so non-threatening. The effect for the Barghest is extremely laughable as if someone just dressed there dog up for Halloween and projected it to try and make it more menacing. Also if you are going to go out of your way to find a term like Barghest, you can at least make it come from a place that it actually comes from. I suppose if you riff it with your own commentary, you might find some enjoyment. But other than that, it isn’t worth the time as it’s just a film that just exists. 

So what is next?


*Groan* Well, It Was Close. In Fact, The Decision Was Made At The Last Possible Minute And The Fans Disappoint Me Again With Something Easy. So Prepare Yourself For A Film That Got Another Title When It Was Riffed By Mystery Science Theater.

Extra Terrestrial Visitors aka Pod People??? Awesome!!!

Hahahahahaha....no, you're not that lucky. That wasn't even a choice. But it does kind of involve a being from outer space. Instead you get....


Also Known As Being From Another Planet.