Saturday, July 14, 2018

Monster Crap Inductee: Ghost In A Teeny Bikini (2006)


Monster Crap Inductee: Ghost In A Teeny Bikini
A Porn Musical…Seriously

2006

Well, we are continuing with this month and supposedly, this is one that Porno Pete has watched plenty of times. This is also kind of a spoof of The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini, which considering that title, you might be shocked to learn by the title is not a porno. In fact, it is a film that has actors like Boris Karloff and Basil Rathbone in it. And it’s a horror comedy musical. Yeah….it is all three. So, with this being Fred Olen Ray under his Nicholas Medina name, this will be a spoof that basically takes the loosest aspects of the original and makes a comedy musical porn out of this.

And boy did Fred Olen Ray get plenty of people who have been in several Monster Crap inductions. You have Rebecca Love and Nicole Sheridan being from Witches of Breastwick 2. You have Voodoo (as Alexandre Boisvert (before he stupidly decided to call himself Voodoo)), and Evan Stone from Teenage Cavegirl (which Nicole Sheridan was also in and directed by Fred Olen Ray as Nicholas Medina). And you have Christine Nguyen (who was also in The Mummy’s Kiss 2) and Ted Newsom (old guy so didn’t have any sex scenes thankfully) from Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (which Rebecca Love was also in and directed by Fred Olen Ray as Nicholas Medina.

Yeah, You Knew It Was Coming.

This also has Brad Bartram, who apparently has been in plenty of these softcore films and normally has sex in them apparently (this is kinda not one of them). It also has Syren Smiles, who has also been in several films as well. By the way, Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo were married at some point as well.

Oh, and apparently, this is part of the Bikini Softcore films by Fred Olen Ray that since they are just titles and don’t have stuff to go back to, it won’t feel weird when I ignore those films before this one. But with all that out of the way, let’s get the induction started.

We begin this film with opening credits of female characters of the film with color alterations.

Like This One Which Will Be The Only One I Show Due To It Having The Title

We then immediately go to some lab where a woman is tied up.

The Face She Gives In This Scene Is Rather Unfortunate

But as we hear shooting going on outside, we see a male character named Bardo save her.


He apologizes for being late, but there was a jungle of killer ants he had to fight through. You know, it’s too bad were never see this as I would have laughed my ass off at a Rambo knockoff having to fight through a bunch of killer ants to get here and his idea of using machine guns to shoot ants, which seeing movies about killer ants that are the size of ants, would be less effective than stepping on them. Seriously, either idea would be a terrible idea as ants have a hive like mind that if they want you dead, you’re most likely going to be dead due to their numbers…unless you kill their queen, who is most likely in her anthill and extremely protected.

But that’s besides the point now as they realize they have 30 minutes before this all blows up so what do they do. Well, if you guessed they bang, you know your porn clichés well.


After some fast forwarding (this sex scene last for 4 minutes), we see the director Ted Wood Jr.

Just By That Name, You Know This Is An Ed Wood Nod. Ed Wood Would Also End Up Doing Softcore Films After He Was Known For Some Of The Worst Films Ever Made Like Plan 9 From Outers Space (Which I Inducted Here)

Both the actor and actress are kind of upset that this whole long ass love scene is just basically a DVD extra of an extended scene. By the way, while we never know the actor character’s name in this film, we do know that the actress character’s name in this film is Muffin Baker (Yeah, with names like that, you know you are in a porno).

Still Not The Worst Name I’ve Ever Heard And Considering This Is Meant To Be A Comedy With The Silly Names Being Intentional, It Really Does Make Cypher Rage That Much Dumber

Muffin makes fun of the fact that Ted used to use just animated menus as extra features, but he admits that audiences want more. Oh, just wait until production companies hear about the idea of making just rental copies so to get any extra features…you have to buy the damn film.

You Can Thank Universal Studios For That Decision (A Decision I Will Never Forgive Them For)

Muffin doesn’t blame the fans for being grumpy and talks about this being a 4-minute love scene for no reason (Weren’t you going to die? That’s not no reason). Muffin says she might as well go back to doing Hot Housewives Strip Poker. She then says it was too intense for her, which gives the director a sad face (an easy sign in a porn film that these two characters are dating). Muffin just goes to her stars’ seat and afterwards, the actor playing Bardo says he needs another take. Yeah, the director says he isn’t getting that with Muffin since she is the star of this film and the series, so he has to do the scenes with the script girl. Oh, and this movie is called Bardo 3. So the scene is about to happen again, but the actor forgets his lines.

Muffin sits down in her seat when she gets the script for her next movie and a telegram. The script of the movie is called For Your Thighs Only: The Colonel Sanders Story. Okay, that’s a pretty good joke. First the For Your Thighs Only would first make you think this was a James Bond porn parody, but then it gets the extra joke of it being more ridiculous as a story about Col. Harland Sanders, the founder of KFC.

You Wont Look At My Delicious Original Recipe Chicken The Same Way Again

That Bond Parody “For Your Thighs Only” Has Already Been Done In 1984 And Has Ron Jeremy, Peter North, & Harry Reems In It.

How do you know only the male pornstars of that film?

....Oh, I know the female stars of that film. But, I only gave you names of actors you may have heard of. So, who is the gay one of us now?

I didn’t say you were gay. Just…get out of here.

*Porno Pete leaves*

Look, there is nothing wrong with being gay, but trust me when I say I am not gay. Back to the movie.

Muffin also complains that they must think she is a piece of meat (oooh…kinda over shot the landing of joke of the Col. Sanders porn movie there). Anyway, the telegram boy who apparently read the letter already (which is technically a federal offense) and informs her that her rich uncle Silas Davenport died. Muffin is extremely happy about that news.

Well, I See Someone Who Shouldn’t Be Invited To The Funeral

Anyway, before she reads the mail any more, the mail guy asks for a tip for the mail and Muffin just flashes him.

Which The Mail Guy Is More Than Happy To Take As A Tip

Anyway, after making jokes about the stop cliché in telegrams, we find out that she needs to come by Ravenswood Manor in two days for the reading of the will. Meanwhile, she is being watched on a magic ball, by the ghost of this movie’s title, Tabitha.

As To Why Tabitha Has This Magic Ball, We Never Find Out.

Anyway, she basically talks about how the lawyer who actually gave the telegram is actually scheming to get the entire inheritance for his daughter, so Muffin better be careful. Tabitha says she never liked the lawyer (whose name I will mention later), but she thinks it will be fun to haunt someone new, so she disappears.

At the house, Ted gets home to Muffin waiting for him as she tells him the good news about her uncle dying. Ted actually has issues as they have more days to shoot this film and if they put it off, it will be $250 which is cash he doesn’t have. Muffin then says that her rich uncle is worth $3 million dollars which could take care of the cost of a delay and another movie as well. Ted says that sounds tempting, but he is going to have to think about it. She tells him to do so as she gives him a blowjob to help with the thinking.

With The Face Like That, You Know He Must Be Thinking Really Hard About If He Should Delay The Movie

And then the two bang for less than 4 minutes.

The Horny Owl Makes His Much-Awaited Return

We then go to this small church on a rainy night.

I Bet You Won’t Believe That This Is Not Real

Anyway, then we meet the evil lawyer Mr. Archibald Weisenheimer (who for some reason has an accent).

With A Name That Goofy, It’s No Surprise He Is Evil

We also Marsh the butler (who has an accent you would expect from a butler).

Looking Like A Pirate…Must Be His Own Clothes From The Porn Movie Pirates (Released A Year Earlier). Yeah, That Generic Name Is The Name Of A Porn Movie And From What I Have Heard, Kind Of A Hit.

Better Have Been A Hit Since At That Time It Was The Most Expensive Porno Movie Ever Made At $1 Million.

Marsh says everything has been done as he asked, and Muffin will be here within two days for the reading of the will. Archibald reveals that she must be there as stated by the will or entire terms including his own will be null and void. However, he does mention that the will did not state that while she must be there in one piece, it doesn’t say that she must stay in one piece. We then have this exchange.

Marsh: You’re an evil, calculating bastard, sir.
Archibald: Ooh…well, that is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Marsh.

He then tells Marsh to warn up the car as his bottom is getting a bit chilly in this old church, which Marsh does. Archibald then goes up to the urn that obviously has Uncle Silas’ ashes in them.

No Paul Bearer Or Undertaker Sadly

He tells the urn that Muffin is not going to inherit a dime if he has anything to say about it. Tabitha shows up and calls Archibald “rotten to the core” while grab a piece of hair from Archibald’s head. Archibald felt that, and he thinks it was Silas doing, but says he will not be stopped by a simple hair pull and he doesn’t believe in ghosts. Tabitha says that neither did Scrooge. He then says that if Silas tries that again, his ashes will be mixed into the kitty litter box (no cats are in this film).

Stock footage of a plane landing is shown, and Muffin and Ted drive up to Ravenswood Manor. We hear in this car that his lawyer always hated Muffin’s side of the family and guesses that Archibald is at this point planning to kill her.


We then cut to Archibald with Marsh who is laying out his plan to kill Muffin. Marsh comments on how he has this all down to the last detail and Archibald says he must, but one problem is no one knows where Silas hid the inheritance.

Outside, Muffin says who knows on if she will inherit this entire estate as Uncle Silas did like her a lot and would bounce her on his knee, even long after she wanted him to stop. Yeah, Uncle Silas was that kind of uncle, so I guess it is better off that he is dead. Ted does seem a little weirded out that she shared that, so they decide to check and see if people are inside.

They knock on the door and Marsh answers. Muffin reveals herself and Marsh is a bit surprised that Muffin is not alone for the reading of the will. As they enter (and Marsh asks for Ted’s coat, which Ted confuses for asking if that is his coat and says it is), Muffin asks if the place is still haunted and Marsh says that it is. Ted then asks how he ends up working in a place like Ravenswood Manor, to which Marsh responds by changing his accent and going into a song.

This Is Weird

Here’s the lyrics.

Marsh:
I was killin’ the day, up at Mandalay Bay,
Crusin’ along in my Chevrolet,
Pushin’ on the pedal, and scoping out every chick in sight…
Then I saw a sight that chilled by blood,
There was black smoke pourin’ out from under my hood,
So I parked, up by the graveyard, there on the right.
And there was ghouls there a jumpin’, and vampires a humpin’,
And bats flyin’ up in the air.
There was a girl with tits as big as the moon, and a werewolf with pompadour hair
And the ghost wagged her finger, and said “You shouldn’t linger
In a place that’ll do you no good”
So I stepped on the gas, and I headed up to Ravenswood.
And there was ghouls there a jumpin’, and vampires a humpin’,
And bats flyin’ up in the air.
There was a girl with tits as big as the moon, and a werewolf with pompadour hair
And the ghost wagged her finger, and said “You shouldn’t linger
In a place that’ll do you no good”
So I stepped on the gas, and I headed up to Ravenswood.
Wood, that is.
Swimmin’ pools, movie stars.

Okay, that made no sense and no, we will not see ghouls, vampires, bats, girls with tits as big as the moon, or werewolves with pompadour hair. He probably should have just left the area. He didn’t need to head up to Ravenswood.

I Think Muffin Just Perfectly Encapsulated My Reaction To When This Happened

Anyway, he goes back to his accent and says he has been here ever since. So, with that weird moment out of the way, Archibald joins in and says how great it is to see Muffin again. Muffin also introduces Ted as her fiancée and unlike Marsh, Archibald seems to have no problem with this. They explained how it happened which is he was cleaning his knife, when it went off. Okay, that makes no sense unless he has a freaking gunblade.

For Those Of You Not In The Know, A Gunblade Was The Main Weapon Used In Final Fantasy VIII Which Basically Has A Sword And A Gun Mixed Together. Before You Ask Me How The Hell That Works, I Must Tell You That I Don’t Know As It Kind Of Was A Rather Stupid Weapon.

Archibald then decides to call his daughter with a dog whistle.


His daughter arrives and introduces herself as Evilyn.

No, That’s Evil-Lyn.

That’s Evilyn.

Archibald introduces Muffin and Ted and Evilyn comes down the stairs, making sure to bounce her boobs with each step. Evilyn gives Muffin or “Muffy” a hug and says she has come at last. She also hugs Ted and Archibald has to get her off of him while saying she is very excitable. Ted just excuses it by saying they are all family here. Archibald offers everyone a brandy to take the chill out of their bones before he can answer questions about the estate. He has Marsh bring their luggage inside. Then we see the maid named Fuscia.

Not At All Subtle, Are We?

Even Archibald is a little taken aback by this and puts down her skirt to cover up before talking to Fuscia.


Achibald tells Fuscia that she needs to help Marsh prepare the guest room. She is about to go, but she sees Ted and finds him very attractive. She asks how he likes his sheets while coming on to him. Ted basically says he likes his sheets tight at the bottom, but bigger on the top. After that, Muffin even has to push Ted like “What the hell?”

Probably The Next Step After That Meme Where The Guy Is Checking Out An Attractive Girl While With His Girlfriend

Archibald has to explain that Fuscia comes from a broken family and Muffin says that somebody should fix it. So Archibald offers some brandy and even thinks Ted needs a stiff one, which Ted declines. But Evilyn will take “Ted’s stiff one” and she drinks it all. Muffin then asks if she can hand it, but Evilyn says that once you get your hands around it, its just a matter of being able to swallow. Evilyn then toasts with her dad and they both drink.

*Sigh* After The Frank Washington From Samurai Cop, All Other “Oh Snap” Facial Expressions Just Disappoint

Tabitha appears and basically says this.


Tabitha: Oh My God, One More Lame Joke Like That And I Am Going To Kill All Of You.

Marsh brings in the luggage and Fuscia makes the bed. Fuscia asks for Marsh to help her with the sheets. Marsh talks about forming an alliance with Fuscia and Fuscia accepts. Don’t worry as this goes basically nowhere, besides the fact that the two decide to have a quickie right then and there.

I Guess You Could Say 3 Minutes Is A Quickie.

Tabitha likes this sex scene and decides that she might want to get in on some of that action.

Besides Her Random Genie Costume In Witches Of Breastwick, You Would Easily Guess That Ms. Sheridan Was In A Film Called Geenie In A String Bikini

Archibald and Evilyn meet to plan on how they can get the fortune for themselves. Archibald feels that they must drive a wedge between Muffin and Ted, which Evilyn says will be freaking easy on her part. Evilyn says to leave everything to her on that end and leaves, as Archibald mentions that he wishes he could clone Evilyn. Um…That’s supposed to be your daughter, you better not be getting any incest ideas here, movie or I swear to god, I will be really angry!

Fuscia opens the front door and the medium named Madame Zola wants to be announced.

Yeah, If You Are A Female Character In This Film, You Are Most Certainly Having Sex At Some Point

Fuscia tells Archibald that the medium is here, and we then begin the séance with everyone that is happening because it was stipulated in the will and of course, we need more reason for ghostly shenanigans. Evilyn talks about how she knew there were spirits in this how and also uses her foot to rub Ted’s crotch.

Ah I See She Is Using The Fran Dresher Approach From Santa’s Slay

Archibald just wants this done with as he obviously doesn’t believe in ghosts. As this line from Muffin and Ted.

Muffin: Ghosts in Ravenwood, isn’t that rare?
Ted: Muffin, it’s medium rare

Oh, and ghosts do appear, but it isn’t Silas’ ghost as they all think. It is Tabitha, who says that Silas isn’t here because he is dead (but as a ghost, aren’t you dead too…. nevermind, it is a poor joke), and she decides to have a little fun on Archibald the non-believer.

Yep...He Is Getting A Paranormal Blow Job

Zola says this is basically useless as while there are spirits here, none of them are Silas. So, the séance is over, so basically most everyone leaves except for Zola and Marsh. Zola thinks that Marsh knows more about this haunting than he cares to admit. Marsh admits that he has heard all the stories, but who would believe them. Then, we go to our second song, this time from Zola.

Zola:
This house is haunted.
It’s rotten, through and through.
This house is haunted.
I’d get out if I were you.
The ghosts will catch you napping,
They’ll kill you if they do.
This house is haunted.
(pause for stock footage of public domain film Nosferatu)
This house is haunted.
Can’t put it any other way,
This house is haunted.
I wouldn’t stay another day.
This house is haunted.
It’s rotten, through and through.
This house is haunted.
I’d get out if I were you.
The ghosts will catch you napping,
They’ll kill you if they do.
This house is haunted.

So, I’m not sure, but is this house haunted?

Marsh then tells that many years ago (1960s to be exact), this house was full of laughter and gaiety. He says that at that time, Silas had a beautiful mistress who was Tabitha (yep…the ghost in our film was old ass Mr. Silas’s mistress) and she liked to wear the teeniest bikinis. Zola then questions the idea of a ghost in a teeny bikini (title drop). She then says she can see why these stories are difficult to believe. Marsh continues Silas used to jest that a good chest cold would kill her since she had a big chest  and sure enough, it did and caused her to die young as she had such a large life ahead of her. Zola then asks why her ghost would haunt the place and Marsh says that it is said that she never had a chance to experience a full array of her womanhood as even back then, Silas was kind of old. He says that her horny ghost roams these hallways, looking for ways to fulfill her unearthly desires. Tabitha shows up to say that was an understatement. Zola then wants to think of a way to help her release her earthbound ghost. Tabitha is two steps ahead of her and possesses Zola so Zola (or Tabitha) can have sex with Marsh.

For 4 Minutes

That night, Ted seems to be a bit horny and wants to have sex with Muffin, but Muffin thinks Ted thinking about having sex in the house her uncle just died is rather insensitive. Muffin says she can’t even start to think about getting jiggy with it when all these ghosts are around.

I Thought Will Smith Killed That Word In 1998

Muffin says that Ted is just going to have to hold his sexual urges until they get back and then leaves. Honey, this is a porno, and I think you just doomed your relationship one bout of adultery. Ted thinks about his hand before going to read.

In the kitchen, Archibald is still creeped out about his whole ghostly sexual encounter that Evilyn makes him some nice warm tea. He is suspicious that she might want to poison him, but Evilyn says that is a dumb idea by taking a sip to prove it isn’t poison and giving it back so Archibald can drink the rest of it down. After his daughter mentions that he looks weak, Archibald says that it is time to get this plan in motion and she is quick to drug a drink that she has planned for Ted.


Archibald says they can not fail as this is for $3 million. She says that how can she forget before bidding her dad adieu and going to drug Ted. While Muffin goes to read a comic book, Evilyn makes her move on Ted. The mixture drugging the drink, Ted’s current horniness, and Evilyn’s well…you know, you know exactly where this is all going.

Yeah, They Have Sex……….FOR 8 MINUTES!!!! This Is An 84-Minute So This Is Basically 1/10th Of The Run Time For This One Sex Scene

Christ on a handbasket, I bet they were really banking on this being the scene porno fans got their loads off on.

And It Works All The Time For Me.

Please never bring that up again. Moving on, it is at this time that Muffin thinks to herself that maybe she was a bit hard on Ted since Ted is a man and wonders what kind of girlfriend she is, so she goes to tell him that they are gonna have sex. After she leaves, Tabitha shows up to admit that she isn’t going to like what she finds. Muffin goes downstairs to find Ted with Evilyn after their love-making.

Busted!!!

He tries to say this isn’t what it looks like, but with him and a naked Evilyn, he quickly admits this is exactly what it looks like. However, he can still explain. Muffin asks how he could do this and Evilyn asks if she was asking that question to her or him. Muffin responds by of course, she is talking about him. He then asks her to remember how they talked about that threesome and he explains that he found the perfect third wheel, so he was just getting it warmed up for her to get involved. Yeah, this doesn’t work as Muffin yells that she hates Ted and storms off. Evilyn says that hate is such a strong word and Ted thinks to himself.

But forget all that shit, here comes the third and final musical number to this song sung by Muffin as she is outside.

Muffin:
I’m just a girl,
Like any other girl.
I just want to love
And to be loved by others.
Why is that so hard?
Why is that so hard to…understand?
I’m just a fool for you.
Do what you want me to.
So…how can you make me blue,
When I’ve been true…?
I never asked too much
Just that you look, don’t touch
And even all the while,
You did her doggy-style.
And as I walked…so far…away,
I know you’re off, you’re off to play,
Why am I blue?
Am I…your fool?

All the while this song is going on, she keeps moving and Archibald tries to drop a marble flower pot on her.

Considering This Movie, I’m Actually Surprised It Wasn’t An Anvil. Then Again, An Actual Anvil Is Harder To Pick Up And Move Around Than A Flower Pot Made Of Marble So I Guess That Make Sense As The Weapon Of Choice Here.

Archibald finally drops the flower pot and it looks to hit Muffin, but Marsh pulls her out of the way.

Wait, I Thought Marsh Was Kind Of Working With Archibald, But Was Ultimately Going To Double-Cross Him With Fuscia.

Yeah, that subplot is completely gone now. Marsh says that it is dangerous to be out here alone. Muffin asks if he really thinks someone is here to kill her and Marsh posits that perhaps she is worth more to some dead than alive. Muffin knows what he means as her world has been crumbling since she got to Ravenswood. Marsh thinks that all of that might be about to change and goes in for a kiss, but Ted runs out to explain his actions, so Muffin’s attentions are now on Ted. Ted of course definitely gets the wrong idea and thinks Muffin has moved on to the tall Marsh. He leaves with Muffin now wanting to tell Ted what is going on. Yeah, it’s one of those movies where the female lead almost completely forgets about the fact that a few minutes ago, Ted was cheating on her.

Muffin then tells Marsh that tonight has been so complicated that she doesn’t know if she is coming or going. Marsh then says that he doesn’t know either, but perhaps Muffin would be safer inside. Muffin goes back to her room and we move on to the next day, which is the reading of the will.

Even The Ghost Is Here

Archibald opens the envelope to the will and after reading it, we find out that Silas has decided that we should have a treasure hunt for everything. Basically, he has hidden a key to a small treasure box somewhere on the estate. Basically, it means “finders keepers”, but Archibald says that they should all use all their resources to work together so they can all get the fortune. Muffin stands up and says she will think about it, but she doesn’t like people trying to kill her, specifically looking at Archibald.

Everyone goes to leave, but Archibald talks to his daughter and reveals he omitted a part that was meant for Muffin, which explains that Muffin used to play around the house as a child and something during that time plays into all of this, but he hasn’t figured out what exactly. Archibald then plans that his daughter and he should wait around while Muffin figures it out and follow her very closely. After they leave, Tabitha comes into being and says that she knows something they don’t know.

In the room, we are back to Ted trying to explain his actions last night. Ted even thinks there might be an evil plot trying to split them apart and Muffin knows what he means, but she is still mad at him, so she says she will think about it, but not at this time as she wants to take a nap, thanks to unseen persuasion from Tabitha. One would think that if you are suspicious about someone trying to kill them, the last thing you would want to do is leave yourself perfectly easy prey for a quick kill, but I am not this movie so what do I know?

Tabitha then tells her that she will pretend the next few minutes is just a wonderful dream and what is this dream?

Of Course, It Is A Dream Where The Two Have Lesbian Sex. Why Would You Think Differently?

After a 5-minute sex scene, Muffin wakes up and finds a note on her blouse. It basically is the clue that Silas left in his will which says “Muffin, what you seek can be discovered in “The Palace of the Princess.” Muffin remembers that her uncle used to call her princess and remembers that he used to call the place where she liked to play “The Palace of the Princess”. She gets her jacket back on and goes to find the secret room she used to play in, which is an attic behind a hollow bookshelf.

Okay, I Am Definitely Getting Remake Freddy Krueger Vibes From This Uncle

It is in this room that Muffin finds the chest and a new clue. It says, “I knew you would be the one who would find this money, Muffin. Now all you need is the key to your happiness. You’ll find it where I always kept it: close to my heart.” She thinks for a minute when she comes upon a realization. She grabs the chest and leaves the hidden room. She goes to the small church where the will is read and goes to Uncle Silas’ urn. She apologizes to her uncle and dumps his ashes out on the table. There she finds Uncle Silas’ false teeth.

Ewww

She also finds the key, understanding that Uncle Silas swallowed key before he died.


She opens the chest which has the deed and the money.

Sadly No Legend of Zelda Sound Effect Goes With The Opening Of This Chest

Unfortunately for Muffin, Archibald and Evilyn followed her very closely and have a gun on her.


He reveals that they are going to kill Muffin here. Then make it look like she drove off a cliff as they already cut the brake lines to her car and will roll it off said cliff. Unfortunately, they didn’t count on Tabitha deciding they are in need of a good haunting.


Evilyn runs and Archibald begs to the ghost to spare him. He admits how he killed Silas, he tried to kill Muffin, and he is a miserable human being. His confession is heard by the constable Bobbie, who just so happened to be on the scene thanks to Ted.

Hey, Ted Newsom…Glad To See You Are Not Dressed In Drag This Time Although You Are Wearing A Constable Uniform So I Guess This Was Taking Place In The United Kingdom.

Archibald gets arrested and even mentions that Evilyn tripped on her giant tits, so they were able to apprehend her easily. Marsh comes in to help Bobbie to take Archibald away. Muffin admits she went down on a ghost, so she forgives Ted. And with Tabitha the ghost leaving, Muffin and Ted are together as the movie ends, so it ends the same way every film with Christine Nguyen has ended which is her hooking up with the male lead. Okay, I really don’t believe it is in her contract to do this, but it is kinda weird considering these three films with her basically have the same ending.

Again, all the actors in this film are still alive. Yet unlike last time, we do not have someone be on a game show so no need of any cameo.

Now my final thoughts. You know, this movie is somewhat entertaining even if you fast forward through the sex bits. The musical bits just come out of no where that you really can’t believe they are happening, especially the first one which basically have the character change accents and I will admit Evan Stone’s body actions as he is singing this song is kind of funny. I actually laughed a few times in this movie, which is more than I predicted I would. It’s got a bit of charm behind it and it seems like the actors and crew are having fun with this, as seen in the behind the scenes video where they don’t even pretend that they are not working for Fred Olen Ray.

So, a positive for this video, especially with a weird mixture of a Horror Comedy Musical Porno, let’s see if we can maybe get another good one.

Well, for our next film, we are going back to the 90s, as we go back to aliens and like before, aliens have come down to Earth to bang. In fact, Monster Crap alumni is back with Jacqueline Lovell. Our next film is…