Thursday, January 14, 2021

RIP Julie Strain


1962-2021

Sad to say that yesterday, B-Movie Queen Julie Strain has passed away after a long battle with dementia at the age of 58. While many may remember her from Penthouse, Heavy Metal 2000, and many softcore films, we here at Monster Crap will remember her for her appearance in How To Make A Monster.

As Herself, Of Course.

She will be missed. 

Saturday, January 9, 2021

2020 GINO Award Nominee Poll

With 2020 thankfully over (NegaSeth enjoyed every bit of 2020), it is time for me to do the poll to determine which movie involving a monster was the worst by a majority of you, which gets the trusty GINO (Godzilla In Name Only) Award. And with how bad 2020 was (trust me, I'll get more into the year later), it seems only fitting that we have TWENTY nominees for you to decide and trust me, I wanted 22, but 2 films were liked enough to avoid the hammer (even though I despised them myself). So here are the 20 (like the year of this shithole) nominees. 

Deadly Legend
No Worthy Time Will Be Spared With A Movie That Makes No Damn Sense And Has A Million Turns. That Doesnt Even Get Into The Efforts Of Corbin Bernsen, Judd Hirsch, & Lori Petty, Who Are Completely Wasted. Oh And Apparently There Is A Stonehenge In America, And It Is Also Filled With Pagan BS. 

Artemis Fowl
The Coronavirus And The Numerous Shutdowns Have Caused Several Movies To Be Released On A Streaming Service Instead Of Your Theaters. One Of Those Movies Is A Movie Based On A Popular British Book Series That Would Turn Out To Be A Complete Betrayal Of The Books They Are About Because Even Disney Didnt Know How To Make A Good Film Out Of A Character Who Is A Bad Guy Despite Being The Protagonist.

Bigfoot vs. The Illuminati
This Film....This Animated Film Is Probably One Of The Cheapest Pieces Of Garbage I Have Ever Seen. Many Scenes Have Characters Lip Flaps Not Match Watch They Say And That Make Sense Since MANY SCENES Are Just Earlier Scenes Repeated, But With New Dialogue. You Also Get Bigfoot Not Even Able To Close His Mouth All The Way As He Fights Aliens That They Only Once Say Are The Illuminati And Then Calling Them Something Else. There Is A Lot More Bullshit And Don't You Dare Ask Me To Do Trump Vs. The Illuminati (Which From What I Saw) Was Basically This Film With Slightly Different Dialogue And Shithead Donald Trump Instead Of Bigfoot Because I'm Not Doing That One.

Bloodshot
Before Everything Closed Down, We Actually Still Got Some Trash In Theaters And This Movie That Tries To Get Vin Diesel Out Of His Fast & Furious Or Riddick Roles, Is Just The Last One Before Theaters Became A Dangerous Place To Go To And Many Closed Due To Very Many People Not Wanting To Get Sick. Once Again, Vin Diesel Does Not Have Much Range Outside Of Those Two Series And This Film Based On A Graphic Novel (With Some Laughable CGI) Shows That. Also The Villains Are Boring Too. 

Brahms: The Boy 2
A Movie With A Very Stupid Twist Decides In The Sequel To Retcon Things So That The Doll Was Also Evil. With Terrible CGI And Sleepwalking Acting From People Like Katie Holmes, Brahms: The Boy 2 Was A Complete Joke To Anyone Even After They Saw The First Trailer. This Film Is Better Left Buried Where No One Can Track It Down Again. 

Castle Freak remake
Oh, You Heard Me Right. They Remade Castle Freak And If You Think The Original Castle Freak Was Good, Well....You Better Stay With The Original Film. As You Know, This Is Based On A Story By Lovecraft. Well, From What I Saw, The Only Thing These Filmmakers Know About Lovecraft Is His Stuff With Cthulu And The Old Ones Because That Shit Is Crammed Into A Film Based On A Story That Had None. In Fact, There Are Very VERY Few Films That Gave Me A Completely Disgusted Reaction To Watching It And This Was One Of Those That I Needed A Shower Afterwards. 


Corona Zombies
Leave To Our Old Pal Charles Band To Strike Immediately When The Iron Is Hot And Exploit A Deadly Worldwide Pandemic As It Is Happening.....First With This Frankenfilm That Has Some New Footage Spliced In With Stock Footage Of Hell Of The Living Dead & Zombies Vs. Strippers With All New Terrible Dialogue Dubbed Over It. And The Best Part Is This Isn't Even The Worst Film Of The Year Involving The Two Full Moon Heroines Of Barbie And Kendrick As They Would Do A Sequel That Is Worse....But That Film Doesnt Have Zombies Really So That Will Only Be In The Worst Films Of 2020 List. But This Exploitation Garbage Of Real Life People's Lives Being Ruined.....That One Qualifies.

Dolittle
After The End Of Tony Stark In The Marvel Cinematic Universe, Many People Were Wondering What Robert Downey Jr. Would Do Next. Soon That Question Would Be Answered As He Would Become The Well Known Character Dr. Dolittle, Who Talks To The Animals. Unfortunately For Universal And Downey Jr., This Movie Extremely Underperformed And When You See The Film, You Can See The Horrible Result That Steered People Away From The Theaters Before COVID-19. Question: You Ever Wondered What Could Cause A Scottish Dragon To Be A Bit Irritated? Answer: You Really Don't Want To Know.

Elvis From Outer Space
This Is A Film That Answers The Age Old Question Of What Would Happen If Elvis Went To Outer Space Instead Of Died Of A Heart Attack While In The Toilet. Well, If You Believe This Film, Elvis Doesnt Give A Shit About Any Of His Actual Family (Including An Actual Wife And Daughter (And Grandkid Now)) And Wants To Go To Earth To See So Fake Woman Who Is His Daughter Out Of Wedlock. Oh And He Also Wants To Be A Part Of Some Vegas Elvis Impersonator Contest. Despite Being A Betrayal To Elvis, This Film Was Able To Get Some Of Elvis' Friends To Somehow Be Involved. 

Fantasy Island
Dammit Blumhouse....You Always Find A Way To Make Shit And Be On This Poll. This Time, You Decided To Take A Known TV Show From The Past (That Wasn't Horror By The Way) And Turn It Into A Horror Film With All The Charm Of The Original Show Gone, A Lackadaisical Explanation As To Why Things Are Happening (The Filmmakers Brought Back The Black Goo From Last Year's Black Christmas Shitfest), And Make One Of The Most Bullshit Bad Guy Reveals Of 2020 That Would Be Good....If You Had Not Watched Everything Leading Up To That Twist. 

Gretel & Hansel
Ah Another In The Endless Run Of Hansel & Gretel Movies That For Some Reason, Must Be Made, But This One Has The Twist Of It Having Gretel Be Ahead Of Hansel In The Title And Gretel Being More A Main Character Than Before. Sadly The Film Is Rather Tedious And It Seems That Almost Every Guy Wants To Get Into Gretel's Pants...Even Though She Is Extremely Underage. While The Backstory Of The Witch Is Interesting, Everything About The Film Decides That It Wants More Style And Girl Power More Than Substance And Pacing. 

Jiu Jitsu
Nicolas Cage, Tony Jaa, And An Alien Who Wants To Fight Or The World Ends....What More Could You Want? Well, A Better Lead Actor. A Better Comedy Relief, And Maybe Actual Jiu Jitsu. This Film Is An Attempt To Rip-off Predator And Mortal Kombat In A Stew Of Complete Crap. Despite Nic Cage And Tony Jaa Being The Two Faces Front And Center In The Poster, They Probably Only Have A Combined 20 Minutes In A 104 Minute Movie. Oh And Let's Not Forget That This Film Tries A Little Hardcore Henry At A Certain Point, But It Is So Haphazardly Cut Together That You Would Wonder If Kevin Dunn Cut The Film Together. 

Mulan remake
Oh You Knew This Was Coming. You Knew One Of These Days, Disney Was Going To Make One Of These Remakes That Was Going To Piss So Many People Off For Many Reasons Other Than "It Really Bastardizes The Original". Having A Thirty Dollar Pay Window To Also Go With The Money You Actually Spent For Your Disney Plus Because COVID-19 Said "Fuck Your Theater Experience"; Shooting Scenes In A Place Where Not To Far Way, The Evil Chinese Regime Is Holding Turkics; Having Your Lead Actor Be A Total Bitch About What China Is Doing To Hong Kong; No Dragon; And While Most Of The Cast Is Asian, The People Behind The Characters Were Mostly White. But That's Not Even Including The Actual Film Where Nothing Is Really Earned. 

Parts Unknown
Movies About Pro Wrestling Can Be Entertaining Or They Can Completely Suck. As You Can Imagine With It Being Here, This Movie Sucks... This Movie (Like Another Crap Film Ready To Rumble) Has A Terrible Time Separating Between Kayfabe And Shoot, But This Time In The Even Worse Business Of Ultra Hardcore Wrestling. The Only Wrestlers In This Movie Are A Manager Who Was A Murdered Jobber In The Beginning And Jake Roberts, Who Only Gives Us His Voice And Nothing More. Oh And This Movie Has Pointless Child Death So That Is A Huge No No For Me. 

The Grudge sidequel 
In 2020, Hollywood Decided Once Again To Bring Back That Grudge Franchise Out Of The Mothballs From Straight To DVD Hell (Which Is What The Third Film Suffered) And Tried Once Again To Pass This Off As The Best Of Hollywood Mainstream Horror. Now While I Would Wait Until I Get To Past Films Before Adding This One, This Is A Side Story So It Is Not In Complete Connection To The Main Grudge Story. Oh And Like Plenty Of Films That Want To Pretend To Be Artsy, This Film Is Done In A None Linear Manner. But Of Course, That Doesnt Stop The Film From Doing The Same Old Scares That Were Tired Even Back Then.

The New Mutants
Ladies And Gentleman, It Is The End Of Fox's Strangehold On The X-Men Franchise Because Fox Decided To Sell Their Film Studios To Disney. The Last Film Though Is This Very Drab Film That Even The Producers Knew Was Bad As They Delayed This Film For Years (Even Before The Whole Coronavirus Pandemic Made Delaying Your Movie More Acceptable). This Film Tries To Do The Unique Idea Of Being A Superhero Horror Film, But It Fails As It More Takes The Boring Parts Of Horror Films. The X-Men Franchise In Fox Deserved A Better Send Off, But Not Surprising Considering The Last Few Not Wolverine X-Men Films Have Been Huge Disasters. Oh And You Have Some Really Bad CGI And.......A Demon Bear.

The Turning
Read The Damn Book It Is Based On (The Turning Of The Screw) Instead. This Adaptation Is Lifeless And When You Can Even Get An F On The Very Favorable Site Known As CinemaScore, You Know You Have Completely Failed. Mackenzie Davis And Finn Wolfhard Are Both Wasted In This Boring Film. Oh And The Final Twist Is A Huge Dick Punch To Everything You Saw Beforehand, Just Like The Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. 

The Witches remake
Before Watching This Film That Was Relegated To HBO Max When Theaters Closed Due To The Pandemic, I Watched The Original The Witches From Nicolas Roeg And Oh Boy, That Was A Huge Mistake. This Remake Directed By A Normally Good Director In Robert Zemeckis As Well As A Great Cast In Octavia Spencer, Chris Rock, Stanley Tucci, And Anne Hathaway, Fails To Be As Good As The Original Despite Having An Ending That Roald Dahl Would Approve Of. It's Biggest Flaw Is Its Reliance On CGI Over Practical Effects, Which Makes The Moments You Are Supposed To Be Afraid More Laughable Than Scary. 

Unbelievable!!!!!
What The Hell Can I Say About This Film? So Many Star Trek Alumni And Snoop Dogg Are Wasted In This Film That Tries To Be A Trashy Fun Sci-Fi Movie And Goes Too Far For The Laughs That It Becomes Just Unfunny Trash. After I Saw This, Michael Madsen Joking Line While Being Annoyed With What Is Happening Fits It Perfectly In That He Is Going To Leave And Shoot Himself In The Face. A Movie That Took Four Years To Make Probably Should Have Stayed Buried Or At Least, It Should Have Stayed Far.....Away From My Radar. 

Underwater
Some People Enjoyed This Movie And Have It On Their "Best Of" Lists And To Be Honest, I Wish I Could Be One Of Those As Well As I Love The Genre Of Underwater Aliens Films Like The Abyss, Leviathan, Deep Star Six, And Others. Unfortunately, I Could Not Like This Film That Decided Instead Of Giving You Any Real Character Development, Just Throw You Straight Into The Deep End Immediately. Oh And By The Point This Film Was Released, TJ Miller Had More Than Been Revealed To Be A Piece Of Shit So Seeing Him In This Film Does Not Help Me Want To Like This Movie. Sorry, Kirsten Stewart, But This Film Was A Dud. 

Poll ends January 16 at 12 AM. 


Saturday, December 26, 2020

Monster Crap Inductee #200: The Giant Behemoth

Monster Crap Inductee: The Giant Behemoth
The Goggles Will Do Nothing Against This Beast
 
1959
 
200 Inductions…
 
Can’t believe I have gotten this far, but this December’s induction will be my 200th induction. I mean, I started all of this on a simple lark of having something to do while I deal with multiple sclerosis and work on getting my certificate from the Connecticut School Of Broadcasting, and maybe hoping to do something in that field of broadcasting.
 
Yeah, There Was A School In Crystal City, Virginia That I Used To Go To And There Used To Be A Bar I Would Hang Out With Afterwards For A Soda While Waiting For The VRE Train Back Home, Called The Hamburger Hamlet. Both The CSB School In Crystal City And The Hamburger Hamlet Are Sadly No Longer There.
 
Thankfully, The Crystal City Water Park Is Still There. If I Wasn’t At The Hamburger Hamlet Waiting For The Train, I Was At The Water Park, Sitting On A Bench And Reading.
 
But more than 14 years later, I am now doing my 200th induction and originally, I was going to do the much anticipated franken-film of a film that originally was shot in 1980 and the final parts now being finished in Grizzly 2: The Revenge. But you all know how insane 2020 has been and unfortunately, all the delays has caused the film to eventually be announced to be released on January 8, which is too late for this induction. So instead, I am going to do like I did in my 100th induction and do a film that means something to me. The 100th induction was my first monster film that I ever saw and the 200th induction will be my second. So let’s talk about the history of The Giant Behemoth.
 
The Giant Behemoth started off as a film written by blacklisted writer Daniel Lewis James, who got blacklisted because as an assistant director of Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Director, he became very associated with Charlie Chaplin and of course, the House Un-American Activities Committee decided that James might be a communist, which James & his wife didn’t help their case by refusing to testify in one of their hearings.
 
Since under his alias of Daniel Hyatt, he made The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms and since that film was a success, he was commissioned to write another giant radioactive monster film and so he did. Originally, it was going to be a radioactive amorphous blob, but they also decided to get the director of The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms Eugene Laurie and Laurie, in a bit of laziness, decided that it needs to be a dinosaur just like The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms. Unfortunately, they couldn’t get the stop motion effects guy from that film in Ray Harryhausen (he was busy with the The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad & The 3 Worlds Of Gulliver) so they decided that they needed to go to the original stop motion effects star in Willis O’Brien (who did King Kong). Willis O’Brien at this point had been surpassed in stop motion effects and was at this point a cheaper alternative. Although they at least used Willis O’Brien this time.
 
Unlike That Film….
 
Without further ado, let’s get to the film.
 
We begin the way many 50s movies begin with opening credits. Although before that, we get a bible quote about the behemoth. Then, the opening title.
 

Then we have an atomic bomb explosion.
 
Sorry, Hiroshima And Nagasaki For Having To Keep Reliving This In Films.
 
Then we have people in Hazmat suits looking over the radiation from the bomb.
 
Aw, Don’t Worry, Jack….No Way This Crap Ever Travels Via Wind.
 
Anyway, this is film from some professor who is talking about how this radiation is bad and how we should never do a bomb like this again.
 
Yeah, But You Must Admit This Stuff Makes For One Hell Of A Deterrence.
 
We also learn that this guy speaking is Steve Karnes, who if you are wondering is our main character. One asshole decides to say that “Hey, it doesn’t really matter as no one lives there”. Except (the main problem of being a bit of a history buff is sadly knowing a lot of this horrible past) is that people did live in Bikini Atoll before we forced them out so we could do the freaking nuclear tests.
 
Another gentlemen tells the asshole that he doesn’t believe that Mr. Karnes wishes to panic us and that in Japan, boatloads of fish did have to be destroyed dozens of miles away from the test area. Steve says that is exactly what he means about the negatives of our using of these nuclear tests. Steve continues by saying that we really only know little about our ocean except for what we have gotten with our lines and nets. He believes that something that is caused by this uncaring use of radioactive materials in our oceans could rise to the surface at any time.
 
We then go to a beach with a fisherman Tom Trevethan and his daughter Jean. They tie their boat down on the beach and take the bucket that has all the fish. Tom tells his daughter to go to the house and get one of the fish caught prepared for dinner while he takes the rest to the town of Looe, Cornwall to show the other villagers. As Tom goes to clean one of the fishes, we start to hear a noise and then see Tom scream as he sees something that we don’t see. He is also struck by strong light.
 

At night, Jean is worried that her father never came home and starts looking for him. She goes to the bar that he normally hangs out at, but none of the other bar patrons (including a friend of Jean’s and her dad named John Duncan) say they haven’t seen him.
 

John goes with Jean to find Tom and on the same beach where they docked, they sadly find him as he lay dying and Jean screams in horror at his burnt body.
 

They try talking to him, but all he talks about is the prophecy of a behemoth coming out of the water before he finally dies. Jean cries at her dad’s passing and we go directly to his burial.
 

The priest says some words as Tom is sent to his grave. Afterwards John goes on a walk with Jean to hopefully comfort her in this time of mourning. They go to the beaches and they find a lot of dead fish that have beached onto land.
 

Tom then finds a very strange bit of goo and decides to touch it. Unsurprisingly, that doesn’t go well as it burns his hand.
 
You Don’t See The Burnt Hand, But Trust Us….It Is Burnt
 
Back in London, before Steve can return to the US, he sees a bit of news from Looe about the fishing industry down there having issues with tons of unexplained dead fish and also that a sea monster has been sighted, which the broadcaster doesn’t take seriously.
 

This incident causes Steve to cancel his plane reservations so he can stay and investigate this incident in Looe. Steve calls his fellow professor James Bickford about the incident.
 

James also tells Steve that a man died as well there from burns and he finds the whole thing very peculiar Steve says based on the talk of the burns, is that they are the same symptoms as someone who died of burns in Hiroshima. James thinks we shouldn’t go that far as something could have been dumped that caused the burns, but Steve says he is going down there to investigate as he thinks something is up. James just so happens to have a team coming down to Looe and asks Steve if he wants to come along, which Steve accepts the invitation.
 
A train comes to Looe that night and they all the situation the next day. James asks around for a Dr. Morris, but John tells him that Dr. Morris isn’t in right now. James and Steve introduce themselves as people from the atomic institution and say they are there to run tests on the dead fish. John also has revealed that it has been 5 days since the fellow fisherman have been able to find living fish. Also, none of the fisherman seem to want to go out there after what happened to Tom. They also learn that one of the fisherman saw lights in a fog that were strange. John finally decides to take them up to meet Dr. Morris.
 

They ask him about what happened to Tom. Dr. Morris tells them that he has died of 3rd degree burns and shock. They asked why he didn’t call any consultant and Morris says that man was dead so he saw no reason to do so. Dr. Morris thinks the burns may have been due to some poisoning and not from an acid that he has ever seen. They ask if he has had a similar case and Morris first says no, but then stops and tells them about the burns on John’s hand. John shows them we finally see it.
 
Told You To Trust Me, He Was Burned.
 
Steve says the burns definitely remind him of something and James tells Morris that they should send John to London so they can run some tests on the burns. John explains how it happened and talks about the stuff as being a kind of jellyfish, but having a shine to it. He also explains that it is the same cove where Tom died.
 
The scientists then start going over the cove with Geiger Counters and find nothing. They ask Jean about her father’s dying words and once again, we get mention of the biblical prophecy of the behemoth. Back at the doctor’s office, Steve thinks they saw something while James thinks that there may be nothing to this at all. Steve says those are definitely radiation burns on John’s hand, but James says that he’ll truly know it was radiation when he gets a report from the clinic that he sent John to. Steve is only sure that something has happened here that isn’t by the book as something came out of the ocean and went back into it.
 
At a laboratory, everything seems to be normal with the results before Steve Karnes does some small dissection on some dead fish that they found. Then he puts the fish through an X-Ray technique that they call Radio Autograph and while the first two seem fine, the third one has some obviously marks.
 

They turn off the lights and we see one of the fish is glowing.
 

After looking at it a bit more, they determine that the fish has radiation in it and that the Fish and Wildlife Agency in Plymouth should be warned as that is where the specimen came from. James gets a phone call and tells them that they have to stop the fish in Plymouth from going to market as if people eat that stuff, it would have terrible results. Steve goes to Plymouth to see what the cause of the radiation was.
 
As Steve is on a boat at night, Steve and the captain decide to go in for the night as they haven’t found anything. When the captain asks Steve what he is looking for, he says he doesn’t know, but something dangerous is out there like a tiger in the jungle. They then get a report that a steam ship has gone missing and that they and other ships out in the area need to help find it. Suddenly, the radiation starts to spike on the Geiger Counter. The captain tells Steve that he sees something so Steve gets his binoculars to look closely and….
 
Yep….That Definitely Is Part Of A Sea Monster
 
The captain wants to follow it, but Steve warns that it is really dangerous. The captain is willing to risk it so Steve gives the okay to follow it. Unfortunately, they lose it as it is too fast for the boat so they circle around a while before finally heading back.
 
I Think That Captain Is Really Unhappy About Losing It.
 
The coast guard calls for Steve and tells them that they have to return to port at once. Once he gets back to the docks, he is told that the missing steam ship from last night was found beached on the shores and James called for Steve to go find out what happened.
 
Yeah, I’d Say Something Wrecked That Ship
 
As the authorities and Steve are going through the ship, they find bodies and they all have radiation on them. One of the investigators tells Steve that whatever destroyed this steam ship was pretty huge and very powerful based on the damage it did. Steve goes back to London to meet with James and the head of the investigation into the steam ship. Steve tells them that he believes they are facing a marine animal of tremendous size and shape. Basically, they all believe that it is monster that they are dealing with. Yeah, in the 50s movies, it was that easy to get people to see the evidence and convince themselves that a monster is destroying things. Basically it is like this….
 
Main Character: There is destruction and I believe there may be a monster out there based on eyewitness accounts.
Authority Figure: We’re need more than hearsay.
*Later*
Main Character: Now we have some actual evidence to show it exists.
Authority Figure: Crap….then we do have a monster causing havoc
 
Seriously, when you see so many movies do the tired cliché of having the authority being so unbelieving of the monster that he will only believe when it is right in freaking front of him (no matter the evidence already presented) and sometimes even then says it was still not real, it is rather refreshing when in a film, someone shows evidence and everyone is like, “yeah, we have a monster”. It allows for more of the monster having carnage while people find a way to deal with it.
 
News gets around the world rather quickly and we have lots of stock footage of ships sailing around. We then go to a dog barking the next day.
 
Aw Man….As Someone Who Has A Dog, They Better Not Kill It.
 
Yeah, I Still Have A Dog.
 
The dog’s owners decide to ignore the animal as they are eating dinner. Of course, the father and son finally go outside with a rifle to see what is up and dog gets killed (dammit) and giant monster walks by causing radiation which kills the dad and kid.
 
This Is A 50s Monster Movie. They Are Gonna Kill The Damn Thing So I Don’t Have To Worry About Pointless Child Death. Also, I Believe The Kid Is Old Enough To Where My Issue With It Expires. Otherwise, I Would Never Be Able To Like Slasher Films.
 
That night, the police come by to show Steve and James a photo from the tragedy that befell the father and son.
 
Well, It’s Official….We Are Dealing With A Dinosaur
 
Well, It Looks Like We Are Going To Have To Walk The Dinosaur
 
Steve asks James to get his best man in paleontology on this and James does in Dr. Sampson.
 

They tell him about the situation and even he has a hard time believing it, but when presented by evidence….he also believes in the monster existing. Oh and he is also able to tell them that it is a paleosaurus. He tells them that the creature is obviously heading towards the Thames as paleosaurus obviously like fresh water more than salt water.
 
I guess, I should get into this now. If most of you are not aware, paleosaurus are (as of this writing) carnivores in eating fish. But, until the 1960s, there were several species close to the paleosaurus that were also called paleosaurus, and ultimately, turned out to be a bit different in that they ate plants. But I am not gonna give the filmmakers too much shit about this because we also had the whole brontosaurus debacle (look it up as it is rather funny if you really like dinosaurs) and this is not even the most egregious some movies decided to use freaking lizards as dinosaurs, even though they look nothing like the dinosaur they are portraying.
 
I’m Looking Particularly At You, King Dinosaur…..Trying To Tell Me This Is The King Of The Dinosaurs AKA A Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Back to the movie and the scientists are a bit miffed that the paleontologist is happy that a dinosaur is still alive. Oh and he mentions that the paleosaurus is like an electric eel in that it emits electricity from it’s body to stop enemies from coming near it, which may explain the people getting fried by being near the creature. And for that, I have no freaking clue where they came up with that idea because I don’t know any dinosaur book I ever read that said they were like an electric eel.
 
The paleontologist (once finding out it is radioactive) is sad to hear the creature has to be killed, but seems to understand that yeah, it can’t be kept alive. He just only wants photographs for further study so out of monster movie scientists that may want to keep the creature alive for further study, he actually understands why that is not possible, which trust me, is a rarity.
 
In planning, they tell the military that they will have to block off the Thames so the creature won’t come into London since they couldn’t even do that during World War 2. He starts to say they can’t do that and then says that they already did so via radar. Oh and Dr. Sampson is in a helicopter hoping to get a picture of the creature.
 
This Seems Like A Terrible Idea
 
They have found the creature based on it leaving a radioactive outline in the sea.
 

They radio back to tell them that they see the creature, but it seems that the creature cannot be picked up on radar so let’s just say that bad stuff is about to happen. The helicopter follows the creature and the monsters decides to use his radioactive aura to kill them.
 
Aww….And Dr. Sampson Looked Like He Was About To Have An Enjoyable Nap, With The Ways His Eyes Closed And The Smile On His Face.
 
Well, with the helicopter no longer able to be picked up by radar and now the creature coming in, the military decides that they may need to head to that area in hopes of stopping the creature before it gets to London, which means more stock footage.
 
Stock Footage….A 1950s Movie Favorite
 
Well, sadly that fails as the creature eventually arrives in London.
 
Cheerio, London…..I’ve Finally Arrived
 
Sadly, the first people that get it are everyone on a ferry that we saw sailing out to the Thames as the beast destroys it.
 
Stay Away From Me. Yeah, Never Misunderstand Me..
 
Then like many old monster movies, we have the newspapers.
 
Meh, This One Seems To Just Have A Guy Selling Newspapers Instead Of Spinning Newspapers Like Bigger Budget Monster Movies At That Time.
 
That ferry incident ultimately has caused 36 dead and more than 50 missing. And now the Thames is closed to all residents. So no boats and you probably won’t be able to cross the river on a bridge either. And in this movie, you see people sad about it, but no one actively yelling and protesting over these safety moves.
 
OH YOU KNOW I HAVE TO BRING THAT SHIT UP!!!!! SHAME ON THESE PEOPLE!!!!
 
The head of the task force is saying they are re-routing all traffic through the tunnels and are planning to meet the monster anywhere as anywhere is where it could strike. So we get a montage of the military getting prepared for an attack of any kind by the monster.
 

Oh and of course they are also evacuating people.
 
More Orderly Than Any Evacuation You See In A Godzilla Film
 
Now the streets are empty as we go to a task force meeting where they say they should use bombs from planes or helicopters. James thinks this is a bad idea as the entire area will be radioactive if they hit the beast so they need to find a way to destroy the creature in one piece so they can then dispose of the radioactive carcass in a safe way. Steve says that the beast is killing itself with its own radiation, but he has no idea of how long it will survive for. They then think of ways to speed up the process of the radiation killing the creature.
 
One guy suggests they dip a tank shell into some radium, but that gets shot down because if it misses, they’ve done more damage to the city than the monster could have done. Steve then comes up with a torpedo as the ideal solution. And of course, that is the idea that they are going to go with, but they will need time.
 
That night, the creature comes up from the deep.
 

Alerts are raised that the creature is about to attack. The creature immediately starts destroying some nearby structures.
 

Remember when I said orderly evacuations?
 
Seems Not Everyone Got That Memo
 
You Know, If I Had Hands…..I Would Do The Queen’s Wave At All Of You
 
The creature walks around, crushing cars and people along its way. Some random people stop, unable to move in pure horror and the creature emits its radiation to kill them.
 
Really, Guys….You’re Just Going To Stand There.
 
Now You’re All Dead. Congratulations, Morons.
 
The military starts firing and with this creature, it works as well as you would think.
 

Some people try to hide, but the monster destroys the wall they are hiding behind, crushing them.
 
Hey, Did You See That Poster Talking About A New Year Party? This Induction Is Perfectly Timed For This Time. Not One That I Had To Decide At That Last Minute Because My Original Choice Never Came Out. No Siree….
 
And with all of that destruction and people running, we move on to head of the task force asking James how long will it be. James tells him that they are forging the bit to the torpedo now. As they put the radium tip onto the torpedo…
 

We go right back to the monster, who has to deal with those dumbass power lines.
 
Careful There, Giant Behemoth…I’ve Seen Too Many British PSAs Where People Die Because Of Those Electrical Wires.
 
This Little Bird Knows What I Mean…
 
This Monster Is Not A Fan Of Those British Safety PSAs
 
The night skies shows London on fire.
 
Well, That’s A Lot Of British Fire PSAs Going On (They’re Terrifying As Well). Many Of Them Could Have Used A Smoke Alarm. 
 
As everything seems calm with the monster, two dumbasses decide to hide in a car and are just so unlucky that the best decides it is going to grab that car with its mouth and fling it into the Thames.
 

The monster then breaks a bridge and falls into the Thames himself.
 
Aaaaahhhhhh…..I Meant To Do That!!!!
 
The special torpedo has finally been finished and has been put into the two man submersible and it will be this gentlemen who will piloting and firing.
 

Steve goes in too as he will be directing where to fire it. After a few minutes underwater, they find the creature.
 

The creature tries to destroy them with his radioactive aura, but this submersible has been specifically armored to partway handle that. The creature bites at the submersible, but they are thankfully able to get away before they die as a snack. They find a perfect spot and fire at the creature.
 

It strikes true and the missile allows the radiation to eventually kill the creature from the inside.
 

The creature comes up for one last gasp and then it dies.
 

The military tells them that the creature is dead and everyone celebrates. James and Steve get into a car and the radio says that mountains of dead fish are being found in America (maybe setting up a sequel that will never come).
 
Their Grim Faces At This News Ends This Movie.
 
So how did it do. Well, with many 50s monster movies, I really don’t know how it did in the box office. But I do know that critics don’t particularly like the film and some of their reasoning is pretty stupid. One American critic Andrew Wickliffe didn’t like that it was attacking Brits as he said (and I quote) “No offense to the Brits, but watching a bunch of folks stand around and keep a stiff upper lip while radioactive monsters attack London isn’t too much fun.” Ultimately, people found the film to be a copy of Eugene Laurie’s earlier film The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, and from everything I read, I believe that might have been intentional.
 
As far as the actors go, I don’t think any of them did much else. However, Eugene Laurie was actually a co-director of this film as a young Douglas Hickox co-directed this film and it was Douglas’s directorial debut (in fact, Douglas Hickox has an award named after him that is given to a British director for their directorial debut). The other thing he did was be the father of genre director Anthony Hickox, who directed such films as both Waxwork 1 & 2, Hellraiser 3, and Sundown: A Vampire In Retreat (a underrated vampire western). Sadly for Willis O’Brien, he would only have two more films he was attached to. One of those films, The 1960 Lost World remake, he was commissioned for, but the studio never used his stuff and instead used actual lizards. The other film was It’s A Mad Mad World where he only did part of the film and sadly, he would never live to see it get released. Daniel James (the blacklisted writer) had a bit of a controversy as 1983, he decided to write Famous All Over Town about a Mexican-American family living in Eastern Los Angeles under the guise of Daniel Santiago. This idea to try and pretend to be a Mexican-American (when he is really just some white guy from Kansas City) would come back to bite him in the ass as the book (that was loved) is now debated as being authentic.
 
Speaking of which, let’s get into the people no longer with us and yes, I know….most of the cast and crew are dead.
 
Willis O’Brien (stop motion effects) left this world in 1962 at the age of 76 from a heart attack (It’s A Mad Mad World was dedicated to him). Jack MacGowran (who played Dr. Sampson) died in 1973 at the age of 54 from the flu. Wallace Bosco (who had an uncredited role as Scientist at the Atomic Research Conference) passed away in 1973 at the age of 92. Jim Tyson (who had an uncredited role as Publican) died in 1974 at the age of 62 after suffering a heart attack. Arthur Gomez (who had an uncredited role as Fisherman at Quayside) died in 1976 at the age of 73. Andre Morell (who played James Bickford) died in 1978 at the age of 69 from lung cancer. Henri Vidon (who played Tom Trevethan) would leave this world at the age of 69 in 1978. Michael Mulcaster (who had an uncredited role as Fisherman at Quayside) died in 1984 at the age of 72. Douglas Hickox (co-director) would pass away in 1988 at the age of 59 after heart surgery. Daniel Lewis James (the blacklisted writer) died in 1988. Howard Lang (who had an uncredited role as a Naval Commander) died in 1989 at the age of 78. Leonard Sachs (who had an uncredited role as Scientist) died in 1990 at the age of 80. Eugene Laurie (co-director) died in 1991 at the age of 88 from a combination of a stroke and heart failure. Pat Ryan (who had an uncredited role as Officer in Situation Room) died in 1992 at the age of 76. Peter Sinclair (who had the uncredited role as the Trawler Captain) died in 1994 at the age of 93. Alastair Hunter (who had the uncredited role of Dr. Morris) died in 1996 at the age of 82. Maurice Kaufmann (who played the guy piloting the submersible) passed away in 1997 at the age of 70. Gene Evans (who played Steve Karnes) passed away in 1998 at the age of 75 from heart failure. Chris Adcock (who played an uncredited role as a man running in the crowd) died in 1998 at the age of 75. Lola Morice (who had an uncredited role of Barmaid) died in 1998. Guy Standeven (who had an uncredited role of Naval Officer in Situation Room) died in 1998 at the age of 70. Joe Wadham (who had an uncredited role as a Police Driver) died in 1998 at the age of 80. Bill Cummings (who had an uncredited role as Fleeing Man) died in 2002 at the age of 74. Neil Hallet (who had an uncredited role as a Helicopter Pilot) died in 2004 at the age of 80. Charles Price (who had an uncredited role as Allison the Marine Guard) died in 2004. Lloyd Lamble (who had the uncredited role of Admiral Summers) died in 2008 at the age of 94. Leigh Madison (who played Jean Trevethan) would leave this world in 2009 at the age of 74 due to complications from a degenerative neurological condition. Max Faulkner (who had an uncredited role as a PLA Radio Operator) would leave this world in 2010 at the age of 79. Georgina Ward (who had an uncredited role as Girl listening to Police Radio) died in 2010 at the age of 68. Neal Arden (who had the uncredited role as TV Newscaster) lived to be 104 before passing away in 2014. Aidan Harrington (who had an uncredited role as a Hotel Guest at the Connaught) died in 2017 at the age of 88 from natural causes. Patrick Jordan (who had the uncredited role of a Lab Aide) died in 2020 at the age of 96.
 
Now for my personal opinion of this film. I’ll admit that my enjoyment of this film gets lesser and lesser as the more times I see it, but I still enjoy it especially for nostalgia purposes as I still remember watching it the first time back in the day. Is it kind of like other monster movies (especially The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms)? Yes, and I think Eugene really didn’t want to do this and copied a past film of his. History has a certain points not been kind to this film with what we more know about the dinosaurs, but I let that go and I suggest you do too because they don’t have the ability to know the future.
 
Now I could have asked a bunch of people I know to have segments about congratulate me getting to 200 inductions like plenty of others have done. But honestly, I’m kind of lazy and I did not think ahead of time to do so. So instead, I will do the same as I will always do around this time of year and wish you all a Happy Holidays and I’ll see you in the new year with the GINO Award winner. Hopefully, I get to 300 inductions or hopefully I get to use my time to do something that could be a paid career. So see ya then…
 
You Filthy Animals