Saturday, March 28, 2020

Monster Crap: Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood (2003)

Monster Crap Inductee: Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood
Evil Makes Some All New Crap


Well, it is that time of the year to induct another Leprechaun movie and sadly, this will be the last movie starring Warwick Davis, who has been an awesome Leprechaun film. This is also the first movie to be made under the Lionsgate studio and not under Trimark so no more of that great “Run” joke from previous Leprechaun inductions.

And that is why we are back in the hood for this film because of Lionsgate. You see, the director wanted to make this movie set in the beach during Spring Break, but Lionsgate was not going to give them the money to do so and told them to go back to the urban environment because Leprechaun In The Hood did decently in rental sales.

Now with a title “Back 2 Tha Hood”, you would think this film would be a continuation of the previous film and to that, I say. Nope…. Not a goddamn continuation from the last film. Like previous Leprechaun films, they have no past continuation. In fact, even the rules as to how to defeat this Leprechaun will be different. So we have a movie called “Back 2 Tha Hood”, but it won’t be back to anything continuous. So you should already see the problem with this film.

Also as far as people being in this movie other than Warwick Davis, well…..they got rapper Sticky Fingaz involved, they cast one of the guys from the Wassup Budweiser commercials, and one of the actors who we see early was in Dollman vs. Demonic Toys so…..not good in the casting department. Well, let’s get to the film.

We begin this film with a robed lady opening a book called…

What Else?

Apparently some army laid siege on a king, but what they didn’t know is that king was in league with creatures of the spiritual realm like leprechauns. These spirits were made to guard the gold from evil and wicked men. At some point, that king’s reign did come to an end and all leprechauns were allowed to leave and find their home again. All went back except one, who was too attached to the gold and would never leave without it.

And Then We Get Our Title Card

We then go to an urban construction site where a man is running with a shovel.

Apparently, He Is Also A Preacher Based On That Collar.

And He Likes To Partake In Some Of The Alcohol

And this guy finds the end of the rainbow.

Of course this preacher is not happy to find the end of that rainbow and tries to destroy with his shovel.

Of Course, That Doesn’t Work Against Rays Of Light

The rainbow does finally leave and we learn through a demonic voice that this preacher is Father Jacob. The Leprechaun finally shows up.

Jacob tries to attack the Leprechaun with the shovel, but the Leprechaun trips him. He tries again and gets slapped down.

Man, You’re Weak

The Leprechaun is of course looking for his gold and Jacob says it is gone and he wont be able to find it. Of course, the Leprechaun reveals that the rainbow always points to his treasure and Jacob says he will stop the creature from running around in this world again. The preacher then reveals that he has some water mixed with four leaf clovers and he uses it which hurts the Leprechaun.

Jacob says the lord is on his side and the Leprechaun responds with a slash to the man of the cloth. Jacob stabs at the Leprechaun with a knife bathed in the clover water and finally does a chant while sprinkling the water on the Leprechaun. The Leprechaun tries to plead with him to take it all as long as he doesn’t send him back, but Jacob is insistent in getting rid of the green imp. The Leprechaun then gets dragged to the underground.

Jacob falls dead afterwards and we find out that this land is going to become a Youth Center.

And Boy Is That Some Shitty CGI Blood

Then one year later…

We see a guy hanging out with his motorcycle while other bikers pass him by.

We then see a different guy with two ladies who detest him. They all are talking about working at the new salon that opened up and when the two ladies mention that it is a salon for women, the guy tries to talk about maybe working with massages or bikini waxes.

Ladies And Gentlemen, This Guy Will Be Your Annoying Ass Comic Relief

Oh and we find out that the Youth Center will never be finished as the money that would go to this youth center mysteriously vanished. They guess the project died along with Father Jacob. One of the ladies wonders why when something good is about to happen, someone always has to go and screw it up. We then see the guy in the bike passing by with a girl in the back and one of the girls (named Emily) used to date that guy. Then a bunch of guys in a lowrider come up to them.

The guy driving is Watson and the guy riding shotgun is Cedric and our comic relief character (named Jamie Davis) owes them money. They take whatever money Jamie has and tell him that he has until the end of the week to get Watson the rest of the money he owes and takes one of his shoes as well. They then drive away.

At the salon, some fat ladies are making fun of Emily for having a dream of going to college at Kent State. Then the lady who was riding with the biker earlier (named Chanel) comes in demanding some service to her hair. We also see one of the ladies being a lying woman in saying she wanted to look like Julia Roberts when she wanted her hair to be curly. The boss tells Emily that if she doesn’t get it together, she will be replaced.

We see the guy on the bike (named Rory) getting hassled by Winston and his gang because they think Rory is selling stuff on their turf. Rory leaves after telling him he doesn’t want to fight Watson, but after hearing Cedric talking trash about how week he is, Rory turns around and does a drive by with a bat to his head.

Watson wants to shoot Rory, but Rory gets away too quickly. Meanwhile, Jamie tries to ask the light skinned lady (named Lisa) out on a date and she says no. Emily and Lisa then try to go to school in Lisa’s car, but the car breaks down and a tow truck takes it away, which means the two ladies will have to take the bus. Emily then decides she wants to see a fortune teller about her future, which Lisa only sadly goes along with.

The fortune teller tells them that she sees great peril in their future. She also sees wealth in her future, but it must be denied because if she takes that wealth, it will come at a high price. Meanwhile, Jamie is smelling some of the weed he has.

Yeah, This Guy Is So Gonna Need To Die

Also he is talking to his dog.

Seriously, Why Aren’t Dead Yet

Oh and Jamie happens to find a four leaf clover in his batch of weed. Then Jamie’s mom is drinking and questioning if Jamie is talking to the dog again.

Jamie goes to find Rory to talk about the clovers in Rory’s weed, but Rory denies it. Jamie says he isn’t satisfied and wants a refund. Rory tells him to show him the clovers, but Jamie forgot them at the house. He also calls Rory “Ninja” as a replacement for the N-Word, which Rory finds stupid. Then a white guy shows up.

He buys some of Rory’s weed and says the N-Word and everyone looks at him for saying it. The white guy says he thought they are cool, but Rory stops him and tells him they don’t use that word anymore and instead say “Ninja”. Then we go to Emily and Lisa having a cookout at the remains of the Youth Center that was never finished.

Jamie shows up and acts like an idiot. He gets the food and they ask how he can afford all of this, he explains he had a little help and of course that help was Rory. While Emily looks at the world and is upset about her ex-boyfriend being at the cookout, the rainbow shows up.

Emily sees this rainbow and basks in its color. The rainbow then disappears and Rory shows up as he really wants to talk to Emily. Emily says they have nothing to say to each other and Jamie still tries to make the moves on Lisa. We then find out the Emily-Rory breakup was over Emily wanting a better life for him and Rory resorting to selling drugs. Emily leaves, but falls into a pit.

While down there, Emily finds a secret room and a chest. Rory gets down there thanks to a rope and he finds Emily with the chest. They open it and find that it is full of gold coins.

Back at the house, Rory thinks each gold piece is worth $4,000-$5,000. They decide the split the money four ways with Rory, Jamie, Emily, and Lisa each getting 50 coins. Emily tells Jamie that the gold is not for weed money. Unfortunately, them finding the gold wakes up that evil Leprechaun.

We then see Lisa buying a new car.

Emily and Lisa have a spa day

Rory buys a bunch of gifts for Chanel.

And A Brand New Gun For Himself

Jamie then goes with a bunch of cash and pays Winston the money he owes him.

Oh And Buys A Crap Ton Of Weed

At a party, Jamie is showing off all his bongs that he has to a friend. He allows the friend to use one of the bongs while he has sex with some random girl. Rory also shows up to this party with Chanel, despite Lisa and Emily also being there. While the friend is smoking some weed, the Leprechaun shows up.

After More Than A Third Of The Film Is Done, The Leprechaun Finally Shows Up Again

The Leprechaun immediately smokes the bong with the friend.

The Leprechaun falls down after smoking a bit as he is high as a kite. He gives the Leprechaun the gold coin he found and the Leprechaun immediately recovers from his high and wants to know where he got the gold. The friend is insulted that the Leprechaun wants the gold and tells him to leave before he hits a midget. He takes the bong and when the friend demands it back, he gets it back.

Into His Stomach

The friend dies and no rhymes here, the Leprechaun says, “Thanks for the smoke”. Jamie is making a sandwich in the kitchen and we see the Leprechaun is still a little high as he knocks into the shelf.

We have more schtick where the Leprechaun takes something while Jamie’s back is turned which ultimately leads to the Leprechaun getting trapped in the fridge.

Emily and Lisa eventually find the dead guy.

And The Party’s Ruined

They also bust Jamie for having trash bags full of weed at the place.

I Would Have Had That Exact Reaction As That Cop Did

Jamie, being the idiot that he is, passes it off as his mom is Italian and likes a lot of oregano in her pasta. Jamie is arrested and the cop tells Rory he should know something since he has gotten around on these streets. Lisa then kisses Jamie as he complains about not wanting to be a prison bitch.

Meanwhile, Chanel turns one of the gold coins into a gold tooth.

Oh You Know That Is Gonna Come Back To Bite Her In The Ass

The next day, Watson and his gang see Rory getting weed from a big supplier of theirs and they are not happy. Cedric wants to attack now, but Watson tells him to hold on as he wants to attack this guy at the right time so it can be loud and messy.

Meanwhile, Emily on her last day has to give that same lying bitch a rub down. While she goes to get some more oil, the Leprechaun comes by and thinks it is a great idea to give this lady a massage himself.

For No Reason Other Than Leprechaun Needs To Rub Down A Lady Who Farts

The Leprechaun then starts to strangle her.

And she is dead.

Emily sees this and tries to run, but the Leprechaun corners her, wanting to kill her. Emily gives the little green bastard a trimmer to the eye for his troubles.

After Emily is gone, the Leprechaun puts his eye back in.

Emily runs up to Rory and Chanel warning them about the Leprechaun showing up and of course, they do not believe her. Chanel even shows off her gold tooth. Jamie shows up in a new car and some new jewelry still acting like an idiot and also doesn’t believe this Leprechaun stuff. Rory leaves with the two as well and Chanel is not happy about this.

Meanwhile, Lisa is applying to Ramsey College (college isn’t real and the closest to it is Anoka-Ramsey Community College and a part of Eastwick College that is in Ramsey, New Jersey) while about to take a bath.

Oh And She Already Botched It Since That First Full Name, Family Means Last Name And Then They Ask Your First So Unless Her Name Is Duncan Lisa, It’s A Botch.

She hears noises and after looking around, she sees nothing and is about to go back to her bath, but the noises start again and the kitchen is a mess. She grabs a cleaver and tries to call Emily, but the Leprechaun attacks.

She gets the Leprechaun in the arm and tries again, but the Leprechaun grabs her. She punches the Leprechaun and locks herself in the bathroom. She screams as the Leprechaun is trying to get in. The Leprechaun busts a hole through the door.

And Sadly, Misses A “Here’s Leppy” Joke

But Lisa is ready with a lighter and an aerosol can. I think you’ve seen enough movies to know what happens next.

Yep…..Fire To The Face

Lisa tries to call 911, but the Leprechaun attacks her again.

Rory, Emily, and Jamie try to get there as Lisa is still having to fight the bastard. Unfortunately for them, the Leprechaun does a fatality and jams his hand through Lisa’s torso.

The three find Lisa’s body and are very upset.

Jamie The Hardest Since She Just Kissed Him A Day Ago

Back at Jamie’s house, Emily wants to return the gold, but Rory is against it. Jamie agrees with Emily and as they all give the gold pieces they have, they see that Rory only has two pieces left, meaning he spent all of it and Emily is upset. But here is the problem, we saw Emily, Jamie, and Lisa spent a lot of it too so Rory spending more of it means nothing since we know this little monster is gonna want all of it, not the portions you didn’t spend.

But here is the good news. The chest does refill so as long as you just give the chest back, the little bastard may let you go (I wish to highlight MAY because I know enough films to know this Leprechaun is very greedy. Rory now wants them all to just haul ass and go to Mexico, as if this Leprechaun follows US jurisdiction. Emily takes the chest and says they are not spending any more gold and Jamie agrees, which makes Rory mad, but after looking at a picture of them as a couple four months ago, he agrees that they need to give the Leprechaun back the chest.

As Emily has a daydream about the fortune teller’s horror with a gold piece, she comes back to see that Rory has left….and it seems he has taken the chest with him. That night, Emily gets visited by the Leprechaun in her bed.

Leprechaun: No Room Service…..Dear Lass, This Is A Very Poor Bed & Breakfast
Emily: This Isn’t A Bed & Breakfast. This Is My House And You Are In My Bed!!!
Leprechaun: Well, This Is A Wee Bit Awkward

Emily tries to explain how she doesn’t have the gold, but the Leprechaun knows that and what he wants here is revenge for that trimmer to the eye. A fight occurs, but Rory comes to the rescue on his bike with a baseball bat.

He then runs over the Leprechaun with his motorcycle and gets Emily to come with him.

The next day, Chanel is calling Rory upset that he hasn’t called her back. Of course after she leaves a message, the Leprechaun shows up and since you know that Chanel made a gold tooth with one of the coins, you know what is gonna happen.

Chanel Kills Him With A Shotgun. What????

Just kidding, we all know that doesn’t kill him as he gets back up and rips that gold tooth out of her mouth.

Wait….This Is The Closest We Get To This Since They Cut Away Immediately. This Movie Is A Goddamn Pussy.

Oh, But We Do See The Aftermath. Although Wait….Chanel’s Gold Tooth Was On The Upper Jaw And That Is The Mandible So….Shouldn’t He Have The Full Jaw And Not The Lower Part.

Emily demands that he pull over as they are about to have an argument over the chest. Of course the police are after them now. The cops arrest them after committing some abuse as they think they stole the chest of gold. Oh, but the Leprechaun shows up.

He jams a flashlight into one of the cops.

The other cop tries shooting at him, but that doesn’t do a damn thing and the Leprechaun disarms him. They fight and the Leprechaun rips his leg off.

The cop tries to go Monty Python Black Knight on this cop, but like that Black Knight, he loses.

Although This Time, He Just Dies Due To Loss Of Blood Before Anything Else Happens.

The Leprechaun then attacks Emily and Rory, but all it accomplishes is now Rory is no longer handcuffed (thanks Leprechaun teeth) and Emily shoots the Leprechaun with a police shotgun. They ride away with the chest and the Leprechaun wakes up after they leave.

So The Leprechaun Steals A Police Car…..Or He Would, If He Were Tall Enough To Push The Pedal

Meanwhile, Jamie (who has been gone for a while) is just smoking some weed when there is a knock at the door. It is Rory and Emily and they get Jamie so they can finally get rid of the chest when Watson and his gang return with automatic rifles.

They steal the chest and Watson is about to shoot Rory when a police car shows up. Watson puts away the gun, but we see that the Leprechaun used the cop’s severed leg to drive.

Watson finds this all hilarious. The Leprechaun demands his gold back, but gets interrupted when Watson’s cell phone rings and Watson takes it. Yes, this Leprechaun is getting ignored by a damn cell phone call.

Okay…..I Legit Laughed At This Leprechaun’s Incredulous Look At This Asshole Ignoring Him.

After he finishes the phone call, the Leprechaun takes a second to gather up all of his restraints not to kill the guy right now and continues by demanding his gold back. Winston then sucker punches the Leprechaun and wants to fight. The Leprechaun gets back up and tells Watson that he hits like “a wee lass”. Winston keeps punching the Leprechaun with the green guy just taking it. Unfortunately, the Leprechaun was just tiring Watson out so when it is finally the Leprechaun’s turn, he just rips his heart out.

I’m Not A Doctor, But That Seems Like An Enlarged Heart So Watson Here Was Gonna Die Young Anyway

Cedric and the rest of the gang are all upset and shoot their automatic rifles at the Leprechaun. The Leprechaun kills the other gang members and slashes Cedric’s throat. The Leprechaun goes to confront Rory, but is run over by Emily, who is driving Watson’s ride. Rory gets in and we have a bit of a chase where the Leprechaun is under the car trying to get at them while the others are trying to get him all the way run over. Unfortunately for the Leprechaun, this car is a lowrider so it is able go up and down with the hydraulics.

Not Fun For Someone Trying To Get At You From Underneath

They finally get the Leprechaun off the car and drive away. The Leprechaun is about to go after them, but somehow Watson’s phone travelled several blocks too as it is ringing near the Leprechaun. The Leprechaun answers and after a few minutes, it seems the lady on the phone is hitting on someone that she does not know is a Leprechaun. She of course hangs up on him when she finds out that she is 3 foot 6 inches.

Damn Heightist

At a parking lot, we have an argument and then hug between Rory and Jamie.


Emily then reveals that she took them to the fortune teller to ask her how to kill the Leprechaun. The fortune teller (after some bribing) reveals the whole backstory and says the Leprechaun can only be stopped by his gold and four-leaf clovers. Rory wonders where they will find one of those and Jamie remembers the batch he was telling Rory about and showing him the four leaf clover evidence. They wonder how they will get them inside the Leprechaun and Rory produces his gun, which has hollow tipped bullets that he uses to put four leaf clover residue in the bullets.

They hole up and prepare for the Leprechaun as Jamie also has a bat. Emily and Rory are about to kiss (signaling they got back together), but the Leprechaun breaks down the door.

Don’t Ya Know It Is Too Early To Do That Cliché

Rory starts shooting and basically needs to unload all the bullets on him and after three bullets, the Leprechaun begs for his life and tells them they can take all the gold. Rory is about to fire again, but the gun jams (as do many Glocks do in movies). Jamie hits the Leprechaun with the bat, but the Leprechaun breaks it and stabs Jamie in the leg with it.

The Leprechaun tries to go after Emily and Rory, but the fortune teller gets in the way.

The fortune teller uses some magic.

That’s Not How Fortune Telling Works

She uses some magic, but the Leprechaun spouts red eyes and somehow this kills her.

The chase continues to the top of the building. Eventually, Rory uses a steel pipe to supposedly bludgeon the Leprechaun to death.

Ah The Return Of The Bad CGI Blood Puddle

But wait….that was not the way that was mentioned as to how to kill the Leprechaun so you know he isn’t dead….despite the blood coming out of his head. So the Leprechaun gets back up and knocks out Rory. He is about to kill Rory when Emily grabs the chest and starts throwing gold coins into some conveniently placed wet cement.

Random Convenience…..A Movie’s Best Friend

The Leprechaun chases her as she runs away, telling him to come and get them. She is cornered onto a moving elevator shaft so she electrocutes him with some wires.

This only allows her a short head start before the Leprechaun continues the chase and admits that he likes her. They again have a confrontation in the room with the furnace. Emily finally throws the chest into the furnace and then the Leprechaun into the furnace after a small struggle. The Leprechaun and his gold burn.

But after she gets Rory back up and Rory reveals they didn’t kill him with the clovers, the rainbow appears and we see the Leprechaun is still alive.

They both fight the Leprechaun, but the Leprechaun knocks back Rory as he really wants to kill Emily first for that fire. He throws her to the edge of the building where she is only hanging on by her fingers.

But as he is boasting about how it all ends the same for the humans who steal his gold, Rory is finally able to unjam the Glock and shoots the final bullets into the Leprechaun.

Rory stops to get Emily up and then continues firing on the Leprechaun. It seems to be the end, but he ran out of bullets. Emily then bashes him off the roof with the chest and into the conveniently placed wet cement.

The next day they ride off and kiss while a pick-up basketball game is going on in the background.

And Jamie Is Playing With The Kids So His Leg Is Okay, Despite Getting Stabbed In It By A Broken Bat

And that is the end.

Or Is It???

Well, it is for now and for 11 years, that was the last of it. And then Leprechaun: Origins happened.

What Originally Ended On A Whimper Then Ended In Drizzling Shits

But wait….they continued in 2018 with Leprechaun Returns, a continuation of the events of the first film….

With One Big Exception.

Well, a few since Jennifer Aniston wasn’t returning as she completely distanced herself from that film (and this film responded by killing her off before the film even began). But the big one is like Leprechaun Origins, Warwick Davis was not the Leprechaun. But unlike Leprechaun Origins, they didn’t do it because they wanted their own star in the makeup (or suit in Origins case). You see, Warwick Davis had kids and while he does like the Leprechaun series a lot, at some point after this film, he basically decided that he wouldn’t be in any more horror films until his youngest turns 18.

Now my opinion of Leprechaun Returns is this……….I haven’t seen it yet. You see, I didn’t know about this film until 2019 and well, I just haven’t gotten around to seeing it yet. I’m sure I’ll see it eventually as I am sure that will be next March’s induction.

And someone actually went on to a better career after this and that was ironically the guy who was in the Wassup Budweiser commercials, Laz Alonso (who played Rory). He actually would get his big break in 2009 when he was in two hit films that year: Fast & Furious (he played one of the main villains in the fourth installment of the series) and Avatar (where he played Tsu’tey, the strongest warrior of the Na’vi who was originally bethrothed to Neytiri). From there, he went on to be in the movie Detroit as Congressman Conyers and the Amazon TV series as Mother’s Milk.

We also have Keesha Sharp (who played Chanel) who did a few things more recently like be Buster Marshall in Marshall (2017 film about one of the cases that Thurgood Marshall did before he went to the Supreme Court) and was Murtaugh’s wife in the short-lived Lethal Weapon TV series (short because stars didn’t stay on that show long).

My opinion on this film is it definitely ends the series on a whimper and I can only hope one day Warwick Davis returns to play the character once again as this film is not the way he should retire the role on. This was boring, the CGI was horrible, Lionsgate were pussies on several things, and well, the ending felt too convenient. I wish that Leprechaun In The Hood ended this series since it was the only one to let the Leprechaun win, but alas.

How Have You Been Enjoying Being Stuck Inside The House?

Well, it sucks. But when dealing with you, what else is new?

Well, since next month begins the summer of the fans, I get one last chance to hope you suffer and what better way for you to suffer than to go back in time to the 1950s. And in the 1950s, we thought we could easily go to Venus at some point. And the movie stars Zsa Zsa Gabor and a pre-Rawhide Eric Fleming. Enjoy…