Saturday, March 10, 2018

Impact Implosion 3/08 - Impact Wrestling Is at a "CrossRoads"

After how late I ended up putting the last two shows up, I was gonna make damn sure I would post this show on my site as quickly as I could. In the special event named after a Bone Thugs & Harmony hit (they make a joke about that in the show itself), We sadly have the sad reality that if you were expecting a special were sadly not getting that, although it is not a bad show as I still gave it a C. Thankfully, this week....nothing was as painful as the EC3-Tryrus match last week, but there really wasn't anything that special despite several title changes occurring on this show. Finally, I do have to mention that I will not be doing a show for two weeks because I will be visiting my brother and his family, who are stationed in Hawaii. 

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Thursday, March 8, 2018

Impact Implosion 3/01/18 and HERE COMES BRIAN CAGE!

Once again...apologies for the delay, this will not normally happen with posting these. This was a show that really needed patience because the first 30 minutes SUCK!!!. I mean seriously, once you get to Rosemary sending Hania back to the unemployment line and Taya's return, this show gets easily passable. Oh and yeah, we have a legit injury due to Sami Callihan fucking up and legit hitting Eddie Edwards in the face with a bat. 

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Thursday, March 1, 2018

Impact Implosion 2/22 - Is Austin Aries Still the Champion?

Sorry for posting this show on the same day as this week's show as I forgot to post. This was a two week show and I don't even remember what I gave the shows. Apparently, the ratings are slowly climbing and we see some comedic moments like Allie beating LVN up with a box of chocolates. We have also had some really dumb moments like Grandma Park. 

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Saturday, February 24, 2018

Monster Crap Inductee: From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999)

Monster Crap Inductee: From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money
Just A Pain In The Neck


Let me start with a reality and something that probably went into NegaSeth’s decision to make this February a Vampuary thing. I do not like the vampire genre.

Sorry, I just don’t care for it. The whole suave vampire who bites your neck as if he is giving you a hickey is just not my thing. Even the great vampire films like Nosferatu, Dracula (1931), Horror of Dracula, Near Dark….I don’t particularly like. Even a horror comedy like The Fearless Vampire Killers (which I just recently watched), I couldn’t finish as I was bored. But one of the few vampire films I did like was 1996’s From Dusk Till Dawn.

An action horror film, From Dusk Till Dawn had the perfect blend of horror and action while also being a crime film since our main characters are criminals who take a family hostage to get into Mexico and run afoul of a bar full of vampires. It’s more complicated than that, but it is truly a fun film with even a hint of comedy. It’s truly enjoyable and one that I have come back to watching plenty of times. But like many things, it eventually gets screwed up with terrible sequels. In fact, even the director Robert Rodriguez screwed up his own idea when he remade the movie into a TV series for his fledgling, but great channel in El Rey.

After The First Season, I Just Gave Up. Like Many Films That Get Remade Into TV Series, They Tend To Pad It Out A Lot And Make Boneheaded Decisions Like The Vampires Having Snake Fangs. 

But we are not talking about that, but instead we are talking about the 1999 sequel that was a early test for Dimension’s Direct To Video market. We do not have Robert Rodriguez at all despite what the trailer of the film would tell you, but we do have Quentin Tarentino back as an executive producer (which he was one and star of the first film). Also what a cast this film has. First we have to talk about the film stars who have never been on Monster Crap before (there will be reason for that in a minute).

We first have Tiffani Amber Thiessen.

She Was Kelly Kapowski On Saved By The Bell And Valerie Malone On Beverly Hills, 90210.

Brett Harrelson, who is the brother of Woody Harrelson.

He Obviously Is Not As Good As His Brother And Has An Extremely Smaller Credit List With His Last Film Being In 2004

But now let’s get to our Monster Crap All Stars….as many of these people have been in past Monster Crap inductions.

First up, we have Bruce Campbell. Many of you may know him as Ash from the Evil Dead series, but here at Monster Crap, we know him as…

Charles Travis From Congo!!! *Audience Cheer*

Next, we have Danny Trejo. Many of you may know him as Machete from the Machete films as well as the Grindhouse trailers, but here at Monster Crap, we know him as…

Poacher From Anaconda!!! *Audience Cheer*

Next up is Muse Watson. You may know him as the Fisherman Killer in the I Know What You Did Last Summer films (the first two, the third one I will only get into when I finally get around to inducting that bullshit). But we here at Monster Crap know him as…

Elmer From Frankenfish!!! *Audience Cheer*

Next is Duane Whitaker. You may know him from a few films like Pulp Fiction and Feast. But he is known at Monster Crap as…

Roadrash From Hobgoblins!!! *Audience Cheer*

Second to last is Bo Hopkins. Most may know him as Tex from Midnight Express or Crazy Lee from The Wild Bunch, but he is known in the Monster Crap circles as…

Sgt. Twining From Uncle Sam!!! *Audience Cheer*

And the star of this film is Robert Patrick. You may mostly know him as the T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgment Day. But Monster Crap knows him as…

Kogo From Double Dragon!!!!!! *Audience Cheer*

And those are your Monster Crap All Stars. *audience cheer* Let’s get to the damn movie.
We start off in the city.

Yeah, I Better Mention This.

Some genius who released this DVD as part of a 3 pack with From Dusk Till Dawn 1 & 3 decided to release this movie in widescreen. Normally that would be fine, but the film was filmed for full screen, so we are gonna have to deal with the screen being smaller just like an old Sega CD game. I’ve tried to change the ratio, but you don’t get that option at all and instead will have to deal with the film like this.

We then get our title card.

So anyway, we go to an office building late at night that has both Pam and Barry going into an elevator.

Hi Bruce Campbell & Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

So they enter the elevator and talk about how they are defending a serial killer. Barry says even though they know he did it, they still have to defend him and keeps saying that he is an alleged serial killer while Pam says they both know he killed those 14 women and hopes defending him will not bring down any karma on them. Barry laughs off the whole karma notion when the elevator stops working and it gets extremely dark. Barry goes to check on the elevator via that top hatch that is always there, and a body falls into the elevator.

If The Freaking Tag On His Shirt Didn’t Give It Away, This Is The Maintenance Man Who Was Working On The Elevator And It Looks Whatever Killed Him Sure Bit Or Scratched The Hell Out Of Him.

Barry shines his flashlight that he borrowed from the dead body up the shaft and of course that awakens the things that killed this poor man who was fixing the elevator.

You May Not See It Well Do To The Poor Lighting, But It Is A Fuck Ton Of Bats

So Barry gets killed painfully and his body falls to the elevator floor.

Yep…In Both Monster Crap Inductees That I Have Had Of This Guy, Bruce Campbell Gets Killed Off Early

So with the hatch still open and the only thing blocking the bats from Pam now on the floor, the bats gang up and kill Pam.

Oh and it gets even worse because the surge of bats causes the cord holding the elevator to break.

The elevator falls to the bottom and the bats escape into the night.

You know, that is an awesome opening kill scene. Now let’s immediate decide to fuck that shit up with this.

Yep…That Whole Opening Kill Scene Was From A Made Up Movie For This Film. In Fact, Despite Tiffani-Amber Thiessen Being Promoted On The Cover Of The DVD, She Doesn’t Appear In The Damn Film Again. I’m Not Kidding, Two Big Actors Who The Trailers Hyped As Being In This Movie….Were Just Killed Off In What Was Basically Would Be Equal To An Opening Dream Sequence. So In This Movie, Those Characters Don’t Effect The Plot At All And Were Just There As Fodder For A Kill That Doesn’t Even Completely Count.

As you can plainly imagine, I do not like this complete fake out that has nothing to do with the plot of this film.

Back to the real movie, we have Buck complaining about the bad signal on his old dialed TV with his girlfriend Marcy.

For you youngsters out there, there was a time where you either had cable, a satellite dish, or you couldn’t afford either of those, you had a freaking antenna next to your TV with a dial on the TV than you hoped and prayed you got some good TV.

You Got Only The Basic Channels And You Had To Pray For Two Things, That The President Doesn’t Speak And No Terrible Weather. Even Then, You May Not Get A Channel You Wanted. I Know For You Kids, That Would Be Horrifying

Oh and even worse, Buck was stealing cable which was more painful than it was fucking worth. Now with the digital cable world, the shit of stealing cable is almost impossible. Back to the film, Buck changes the channel and gets to the news which reveals that a criminal that Buck used to work with named Luther escaped from police custody during a prisoner transport.

The reporter talks to Sheriff Otis Lawson who is now charged with re-capturing Luther. Otis also put Buck away in jail for his own criminal activities (he robbed a bank). Oh and they also mention that there is a solar eclipse. I have to mention the solar eclipse as that comes back into the plot later on in a big way.

But there isn’t enough time for Buck to laugh at Luther’s escape as Sheriff Otis comes knocking on his door. When Buck says that Otis needs a warrant, Otis grabs Buck’s testicles and squeezes him until Buck gives him the okay to be allowed in (even though he was already in). Otis thinks that Luther might have contacted Buck since they were old friends and Buck says he hasn’t heard a peep from Luther. Otis doesn’t believe him and has his deputy McGraw show Marcy a picture and asks if she has seen this man. Marcy says she has and says she saw him on the television. Otis says that he knows Luther and Buck used to be old butt buddies and when Luther contacts Buck, they will know.

They go to leave when Buck gets a phone call. He pretends it is his mom and the authorities leave. Then we find out Buck was lying as his mother is dead. Oh and of course it is really Luther, who has a new score for the two of them in a bank in Mexico. Oh and a cop pulls up nearby, but doesn’t know Luther is right there. Luther tells Buck that he needs to round up a crew because the bank heist needs to happen as there is a million dollars in drug money. Buck immediately starts rounding up fellow criminals like:

C.W., Who Is Now Working As A Rodeo Clown As His Wife Left Him, He Fractured A Bone In His Ass, And He Is Three Months Late On His Payment That He Basically Had To Sell His Horse And Trailer. Oh And His Dog Got Run Over By A Truck.

Zeus, Who Has Become A Breeder For Pit Bulls In Illegal Dog Fighting Rings.

He Even Has A Dog On A Treadmill And Has Been Pumping Him Full Of Steroids.

And Finally There Is Ray Bob, Who Is An Idiot And Was Sleeping On The Job As A Security Job For Some Company. Jesus Doesn’t Like Him, But Buck Is Setting Up The Team So He Is In And If Jesus Doesn’t Like It, Fuck Jesus (Buck’s Words). Ray Bob Has To Be Convinced Of The Deal As Apparently He Is Pussy Whipped.

So now the crew has been formed and you might want to know the car they are driving has the license plate of BYT MEE.

Now in Mexico…

Thanks, Film

They stop off at a motel called El Coyote where we have this line.

Ray Bob: “El Coyote”? What’s That Mean In American, Jesus?
Jesus: The Coyote

Buck has Jesus come with him to check in as he tells CW to get the gear ready in Room 7. They get the room pretty quickly and everything is set up although Jesus meets a hot latina named Lupe.

Lupe tells Jesus to come by her room later.

Then they immediately watch some Mexican porn.

Did Someone Say Porn?

Christ…yes, there is some porn in this movie I am watching, but it isn’t a huge part of the movie so you can go now.

Aww…but I want to watch the Mexican Porn

It isn’t part of the movie. It’s just some guys watching it because it is basically the only thing on. It plays no part in the movie and besides, you have a summer full of films to subject me to so focus on that and the real porn you have in your room and leave me be!!!!

Oh yeah, I forgot I won again this year.

Yeah, you did and NegaSeth is still pretty sour about that whole thing, so you better run.

He is? Well, see ya then.

Jesus says the movie is of low quality and Ray Bob doesn’t think it looks all that bad. We then get this dialogue.

Jesus: There’s no story.
Buck: It’s a fuck movie. I don’t watch a fuck movie for the story. I watch a fuck movie to see fuckin’.
C.W.: I got to side with Jesus on this one. I personally appreciate an attempt at telling a story. When I care more about the characters, I care more about the fuckin’. Now my main complaint about this movie here…is we’ve been watching it for something like a half hour and there ain’t been no ass fuckin’.

Meanwhile, Luther is driving towards the motel when a big bat runs into his jeep.

This causes the jeep to bust and die. Luther goes to check his engine and the bat tries to attack Luther. 

I Need Your Insurance Information!!!!

This scares Luther and he decides to shoot the creature.

The creature falls and now Luther has to walk. And he immediately heads to the Titty Twister.

The Bar From The First Film. Kind Of Recovered Rather Nicely Considering The Bloodbath That Happened There.

Luther talks about how this is his kind of place and he has to move out of the way as the disco ball falls on the floor.

Don’t Ask For Any Disco Here

Luther goes to the bar where he meets the bartender Razor Eddie.

Now You Might Be Curious Why Danny Trejo Is Here Considering In The First Film, He Got Killed. Well, That Was Razor Charlie And I Guess Razor Eddie May Be His Twin (They Never Really Explain).

Luther goes to the bar asking for a shot of tequila. He has to spit it out as this tequila may have the worm in it.

Or Gnat In This Case

He then gets some whiskey and asks if a cab comes by here. Eddie laughs and says there is no way he is getting a cab out here. Luther then explains his ride being dead because it ran into a bat. This causes Eddie’s eyes to become wider.

I Had That Same Reaction When The Lead Character Fucked The Fish Man In The Shape Of Water.

Eddie then says he gets off in thirty minutes and he can take Luther to the motel that he needs to go to. Luther is okay with this idea and calls his buddies to explain the situation. We then cut to Eddie and Luther on the road and Eddie asks about the bat. Luther says it was a big one that scared the shit out of him so he put a bullet in it. That makes Eddie give Luther another gaze.

That Is The Look Of A Man Who Is Not Happy. You Do Not Want To Make Machete Mad.

So, it is revealed that they actually headed to Luther’s jeep and Luther wonders where the big bat went. Eddie goes into the brush and comes back with an injured man named Victor. 

Played In A Cameo By The Film’s Editor

Luther doesn’t understand what is going on as Eddie asks Victor if this is the man who fucked him up. Victor confirms it is and Luther tries to say he never has seen this man in his life. Victor takes the bullet out of himself and says he thinks this belongs to Luther. Victor then falls and dies and after checking on his friend, Eddie reveals his monstrous side.

Luther tries to shoot Eddie too and seems to take him down. Then Luther has to move to avoid an oncoming car that doesn’t stop at all. Luther then realizes that Eddie isn’t where he fell anymore. Luther starts walking back and of course Eddie follows. Eddie turns into a bat and goes to attack, but Luther ducks as Eddie Bat flies on the moonlight.

Oooh…You Were Just Close To Copying The Bat Signal, But You May Have Needed To Inch That Bat Over A Bit To The Right So It Was At The Center.

Luther gets up and tries shooting at the bat. Unfortunately, this isn’t a bat that was run over so it is a little harder to hit. But he finally hits the bat and goes over to deal the final blow, but his gun jams and the bat is able to retry the attack as Luther runs. Luther runs into the SUV and tries to drive away, but a completely recovered Victor dives in and attacks him as he drives. Victor finally bites into Luther’s neck

Back at the motel, C.W. says that he once fucked a porn star and Jesus tells a story about a guy he knew named Carlos who found out his sister was doing a porno in LA. He went to LA and killed the director, the cameraman, the male co-star, and the guy who brought donuts.

The Porno Director He Shot Is Played By The Director Of This Movie As Well, Scott Spiegel So There Is Some Humor In This Although Not As Good As The First.

Jesus then tells the others that he needs to go for a walk, when in reality he is going over to Lupe for some fucking.

Meanwhile, the bat of Luther (who you could have guessed was turned into a vampire) flies to the motel. After sex, Lupe goes to take a shower and that is when the bat attacks.

We Never Know How That Bat Got Inside Because The Bathroom Window Was Closed.

So, Lupe gets killed by the bat while Jesus is asleep. He finally wakes up and gets changed back into his clothes but starts to notice a crap ton of blood coming from the bathroom. He does not like this but needs to see what happen anyway. Luther answers and Jesus is wondering what he is doing there, he responds with this.

Luther: I Just Dropped In For A Quick Bite

Jesus goes by him and sees the bathtub with the blood and Lupe’s body. Jesus says what the fuck and Luther responds by revealing that he is a vampire. Jesus tries to fight the vampire, but the best he can do is ward off Luther for bit because the bible here has a cross and lock himself in the bathroom, with a dead Lupe who comes back to life because of course based on vampire rules, she is one now too.

Real Vampire Rules…Not That Bullshit Twilight Rules Where You At First Get Poisoned From A Regular Vampire Bite.

Jesus has to battle the woman he just had sex with and is ultimately able to use a piece of the mirror that he slammed her head into, to decapitate her.

Luther breaks open the bathroom door and Jesus decides to jump out a window.


Damn Coward, Just Like Marty Jannetty.

Anyone who has a modicum of pro wrestling history should get that joke. The rest of you, on a pro wrestling interview segment called The Barbershop (hosted by a wrestler named Brutus The Barber Beefcake) has on a tag team called The Rockers that was comprised of Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels, who were having hints of dissension. The two partners looked to have resolved their issues when Shawn Michaels decided to give his partner Marty a kick to the face. Afterwards, Shawn then threw Marty through the Barbershop window. And without missing a beat, the commentator who cheers for the heels named Bobby “The Brain” Heenan says “Jannetty tried to dive through the window to escape. Did you see that? What an act of cowardice.” You know, even as a wrestling fan who has become very cynical of the product, sometimes you need a moment like someone lying straight to face about the dastardly thing that just happened, to get a chuckle over.

Luther catches up to Jesus and bites his neck, turning him into a vampire.

The innkeeper sees this and tries to run and get on the phone to call for help, but gets attacked, strangled by the cord of a fan, and then, her face cut up by the fan as it is still on.

It’s Moments Like These Where You Do Not Want The Fan Cord To Be Longer.

So back at the room where the rest of the crew is still watching that damn porn, a newly turned vampire Jesus comes back and says that he found Luther who also appears.

When asked about why Jesus looks like a damn ghost now after having sex with Lupe, Jesus has this comeback.

Jesus: She sucked me dry.

Luther then explains the plan for the heist and Buck is a little worried about doing the job tonight even before casing out the place and Luther merely explains that the innkeeper (who in reality is dead) may have recognized him as a fugitive so before she warns the cops, they need to get the heist done. Everyone agrees to doing the heist as there is way too much money to walk away from. As they drive, Luther warps the windows with tin foil and when CW questions this, Luther says it is just for precaution in case someone sees them in the car.

The next scene has the cops at the motel as they are discovering the gruesome scene with the bodies of the innkeeper and Lupe. We then meet the Mexican Police Chief.

Played By McPhearson From Space Mutiny Who I Might Need To Add Is Not Hispanic At All

We then get the only backstory of Deputy McGraw as in he is the son of the Texas Ranger Earl McGraw, who was killed in the convenience store by the Gecko Brothers in the first From Dusk Till Dawn. I should also mention that the actor who plays Deputy McGraw is the actual son of the actor who played Earl McGraw in this first From Dusk Till Dawn, which is some rather nice trivia.

We then cut to the bank where there is only one security guard on duty as the bank is closed for the night.

I’m Surprised This Bank Hasn’t Been Robbed Sooner

Luther tells the rest of the crew to pull the car to the back as he alone is going to get in and get the doors open. Buck wonders how and Luther only says he has this all worked out. Luther’s plan since he is a vampire is to sneak in through a shaft as a bat.

Wonder What The Original Plan Was Before He Turned Into A Vampire

The dumbass security guard hears a door open and close as well as the vent being open, but he thinks nothing of it. He of course gets killed by Luther, but not through a bite to the neck.

Luther then just opens the door to let the rest of the crew in. They of course see the dead security guard and Buck wonders why Luther had to kill him. Luther than just said it was either the guard or him. C.W. and Luther head to the vault to try and disarm the motion detectors. They do so, but there is a huge problem for Luther.

The Giant Wheel You Turn In The Vault Is In The Position Of A Cross

Luther puts his coat over it as C.W. is just confused. Luther merely explains that he had a bit of an asthma attack. C.W. then starts drilling a hole through the door. Meanwhile, Buck is telling Ray Bob about the dead guard and because of this, they will be executed if they get caught.

Back at the vault, Luther get partially tempted to bite C.W.’s neck but stops. C.W. asks if Luther is planning to cornhole him (ass-fucking joke) and makes Luther back a bit off as he is too close to him. C.W. then removes the jacket revealing the cross again and finally, Luther reveals himself to be a vampire, biting down on C.W.’s neck to turn him into a vampire

But as this happens, they accidentally reactivated the motion detectors so the silent alarm goes off.

The cops are coming and both Buck and Ray Bob get nervous, while Jesus is just merely annoyed. Buck tries to convince Luther and a newly turned C.W. they need to get out of here, but they both would rather stay as they think the cops will be just a small hinderance. Buck is only able to get Ray Bob to go with him as Jesus would also rather stay. Unfortunately, it is too late to make a mistake as the cops are already there.

With the cops shooting, both Buck and Ray Bob decide to go back inside which gets a laugh out of Jesus, who jokes he was starting to miss them. Meanwhile, the Mexican chief calls Sheriff Otis as he was able to see Buck as part of the bank heist. The cops then surround the whole bank, which would normally mean we are nearing the end, but remember that some of these robbers are vampires so now the third act has just begun. The Mexican police chief then shouts through a megaphone that the robbers have 2 minutes to come out with their hands up and they will be unharmed, afterwards…they basically signed their death warrants. Otis and McGraw arrive shortly thereafter as the Mexican police chief gives them a rundown of the situation.

They call the phone and Buck tries to answer, but Jesus answers instead. It’s Otis on the phone and he demands to know who he is and if Luther is there. Jesus introduces himself to Otis and says that yeah, Luther is here. He also says Buck is there as well and Otis demands to talk to Buck. Buck gets the phone and Otis tells him he “cornholed the pooch this time”. Buck says that he will have to agree on that one. The Mexican police chief tells Otis that there is obviously a bank guard in there and they want to speak to him which Otis relays to Buck. Buck lies about the guard still being alive and gets Jesus to speak Spanish pretending to be the guard. Otis then demands that they need to let the guard go and come out with their hands up, all the while the Mexican police chief has two Mexican SWAT members sneak in from the roof. Buck tries to negotiate for a 10-minute head start before they give the guard back, but Jesus has had enough of this crap and destroys the phone.

Buck is angry because that was their last chance to make a deal and Jesus says there isn’t going to be any deal. Jesus is also tired of Buck’s chatter so the two start fighting. Buck is quickly thrown into a desk while Jesus says that his pit bull isn’t the only one on steroids, although in this case, it also might be his vampire powers helping him as well. Ray Bob wants the two to stop fighting.

The Mexican SWAT are on the roof as C.W. breaks the safe open. Luther and C.W. start taking the money when the Mexican SWAT drops some tear gas on them. This merely pisses the two vampires off as Luther changes into a bat to take care of those guys as he tells C.W. to get the rest out to help with the cash. He is able to kill one of the SWAT as a bat.

The living SWAT member tell the police chief about one of them getting killed and the chief tells him that he need to get out of there. Unfortunately, it is too late as Luther throws him off the roof so he lands on electrical wires and eventually dies on the top of a car.

Ray Bob goes to take a leak as we get more issues between Buck and Jesus. A sniper sets up shop behind a beer billboard, but he doesn’t last long as Luther flies over there and impales him with his own sniper rifle.

As Ray Bob heads to the bathroom, C.W. tells him to give him a hand with getting the money. Luther comes back to tell the two that they need to make things quicker as time is running short. Buck goes to get a smoke, but he realizes that Jesus has no reflection, which is strange. Luther comes in to tell them that they need to start helping out. Jesus is extremely happy to hear that as Buck is troubled by what is going on.

As Luther starts giving Jesus a compliment, Buck aims his gun at them. He tells Ray Bob that he believes the others may be vampires and his vampire theory is confirmed when he finds out that Ray Bob has also been turned.

They all attack, and Buck is able to keep them at bay by shooting at them. Buck then holds them back by making a cross with some supplies

More smoke grenades are thrown in and Buck has to continue to hold them off despite the smoke making it harder to see them. Jesus throws a knife at his leg, which works to take him down. Jesus tries to attack, but Buck still has the cross. Buck then decides to run out the front door where he is immediately arrested.

He tries to warn Otis and the others that they are dealing with vampires. Of course, they don’t believe him and ultimately put him in the back of a police car although one of the cops does remove the knife from his leg. More cops go into the smoke-filled bank and they all end up easily getting killed. One of the heads is thrown out for those still outside the bank.

The sun finally rises, and you may think this will be the end.

But remember that solar eclipse I was talking about way early in the movie.

So as some of you may know and most of you may not, a total solar eclipse lasts at most 2 minutes and 40 seconds. I want you to know that because this one is going to last longer because movie and shit.

Oh And These Two Are Looking At The Solar Eclipse Without Protective Glasses So They May Have Some Eyesight Issues.

Anyway, the vampires are back out and they start killing with guns at first.

Then when the run out of ammo, they start using their vampire powers to kill.

We Can Kiss Mexican Police Chief Goodbye.


Otis finally decides that he wants answers from Buck and Buck of course tells him that you are dealing with vampires. Buck says that he has an idea on how to deal with them, but he wants out of the handcuffs and the back of the police car. Otis decides that a free Buck is not gonna happen. Luther sees Buck cuffed and in the back of the police car, so he goes after him. It is at that point that Otis and McGraw finally let him out and shoot Luther for good measure. We then see the vampires killing cops in shadows.

Now only Otis, Deputy McGraw, and Buck are left to deal with the vampires. Oh and Buck is finally free of the handcuffs as they decide they are going to make their last stand.

The good guys then decide to create crosses out of their shotguns, which is smart and actually worked extremely well in the first From Dusk Till Dawn. Suddenly, the only female cop that was killed turns into a vampire and she has to be dealt with.

The bad guys almost kill McGraw, but he is also wearing a cross around his neck. Buck finally impales the female cop on a random pipe and she is dead.

And A Really Bad Effect To Show Her Melting To A Skeleton. Holy Shit, It’s That Bad

Unfortunately, McGraw does killed from behind by Jesus and his knife.

Luther then tells Ray Bob to get the car loaded as the rest will take care of Buck and Otis. Jesus puts the cash in the back and thinks about ditching the others for the cash, but Luther makes sure he doesn’t do that as he takes the keys.

C.W. tries to go after Otis, but Otis uses the red cross on the back of the ambulance to ward off C.W. Otis then finally stakes C.W. and kills him.

Ray Bob tries to convince Buck to be one of them, but Buck is against it. Then Jesus shows up as he would rather kill Buck instead. But the exact opposite happens as Buck kicks Jesus into a car with bull horns and the horns impale Jesus.

Too Bad It Wasn’t A Limo Or We Could Kind Of Call John Bradshaw Layfield A Vampire Hunter

Otis tries to take the stake back from C.W.’s corpse, but Luther grabs it, so Otis tries to kick him in the balls.

It Doesn’t Work As Vampires Don’t Have Nards.

Buck throws Otis a stake and Otis uses that as a defense against Luther with a sign pole. His defense actually creates a cross which wards Luther off a bit. Ray Bob helps Luther with Buck and Otis, but the total eclipse is starting to end. The vampires try to run into the now concealed car for cover, but Luther gets stabbed from behind by Buck who hid in the car as he anticipated this.

Buck then creates a cross to force Ray Bob out of the car.

Ray Bob uses the car door to get the cross out of Buck’s hand and we have a minute of Ray Bob beating the piss out of Buck. Unfortunately for Ray Bob, he takes too long and now the sun is out.

Ray Bob tries to get back into the car, but he starts to light up, and he dies.

It is also revealed that Buck used some sunglasses to reflect the sun at Ray Bob to get him before he was able to get to the car.

Extremely Clever

Buck then puts on the sunglasses and Otis says they look nice on him. This is actually an inside joke as those are the actual sunglasses Robert Patrick as the T-1000 in most of Terminator 2.

The Same Exact Pair

They even make a joke about how they are the goddamn fearless vampire killers. Then Otis asks a question I’m sure was on everyone’s mind.

Otis: What in the hell are vampires doing robbing a bank?

Buck doesn’t even have a good answer for that. Buck then says that he supposes vampires need money as much as anybody else. Buck offers him a cigarette, but Otis says he quit. Buck asks if he is using one of those patches and Otis just said he just went cold turkey. The sirens then are heard as obviously more cops are coming and Buck says he needs to run as he was never good in jail. Otis teases that he might have to stop him, but Buck says they both know he is in no shape to do so. Buck then drives off as Otis watches and the movie ends.

The aftermath is that there is a third entry in the series called The Hangman’s Daughter, which is sort of a prequel. Danny Trejo (who played Razor Eddie) would also be in that film and eventually be really big as Machete thanks to Robert Rodriguez, who was also the director of the first From Dusk Till Dawn. Robert Patrick (who played Buck) still finds plenty of work and is on the hit CBS series Scorpion. Muse Watson (who played C.W.) still finds work here and there and has multiple episode roles in Prison Break and NCIS. I believe Brett Harrelson (who played Ray Bob) decided acting wasn’t for him as his last acting role was in a film called Back Home Again in 2004. Raymond Cruz (who played Jesus) gets a lot of roles in TV shows like The Closer, Major Crimes, Breaking Bad, and Better Call Saul (the last two as the same character Tuco Salamanco (a small character who is still remembered in that role)). James Parks (who played Deputy McGraw) still works thanks in large part to a working relationship he has with Quentin Tarentino. Tiffani-Amber Thiesen still does small roles (like fellow cameo in this film Bruce Campbell), but mostly spends her time as a wife, mom, and animal lover as she has five dogs, a cat, a hen, and four chickens. Tragically, we do have a death as Shaun Arnolds (who played the one bank guard) sadly died in 2009 after being hit by a car.

So, my final thoughts on the movie and it is not a good film to sit through, but not exactly a terrible one either. The effects at time were bad and at times were pretty good (let’s forget about what happened with one vampire policewoman as that was something else). The humor was not as good as the first one, but it was still there. Honestly, the main thing that helps this movie is it seems like the main cast was having a good time making it and in a film that is definitely not going to come even close to living up to the first (it was after all a Direct To Video release so it didn’t have close to the same budget), honestly having actors who have good chemistry with each other helps a lot. If you are ever watching this, just remember that this is not going to be even half as good as the first because of the smaller budget and you might actually have an okay time watching this one.

Now for the next induction and……

*Gets thrown a DVD with a note*

Oww….what the hell?

*Reads the note*

Hey Asshole,
After This movie Where You Were Not In Pain Over It, I Wanted To Watch You Suffer Again. Unfortunately, The Fans Decided To Give You An Easy One Again So Here It Is.
I Hate You,

*Looks at the DVD*

Well, he’s right. I won’t be suffering like I was in Jurassic School.

It’s Gamera Again.