Saturday, September 21, 2019

Monster Crap October 2018 Inductee Poll (Rutger Hauer Month)

Sadly, this year is the year that Rutger Hauer has passed away. Rutger Hauer is one of the most memorable character actors and has one of the most memorable names. We here at Monster Crap are going to celebrate his life the only way we know how: by inducting one of his movies. But which one, you may ask? Well.....that is all up to you as I have 8 choices and all you need to do is pick one. Here is the 8 nominees for you to pick. 

Image result for buffy the vampire slayer movie
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
Before Sarah Michelle Geller Made That Character Well Known With The Series, The Only Buffy We Had Was This Bomb. 

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Dario Argento's Dracula (2012)
Man, A True Sad Story To See What Dario Argento Has Become As One Time He Was A Great Director And Now....He Has Lost His Way In Many Films. 

Bleeders-movie.jpg
Hemoglobin (aka Breeders) (1997)
The Last Original Script Written By Dan O'Bannon That Was Made While He Was Alive Is Sadly This Mess Of A Film That Cannibalism, Incest, And Hermaphrodites. 

Image result for killer buzz 2001
Killer Buzz (aka Flying Virus) (2001)
Killer Bees With An Even Worse Virus....If That Doesn't Sound Like Monster Crap, I Don't Know What Does. 

Image result for minotaur 2006
Minotaur (2006)
Tom Hardy, Tony Todd, Ingrid Pitt, & Rutger Hauer? How Could This Film Suck, You Say? Well, What If I Told You This Was A SyFy Original?

Image result for mr. stitch
Mr. Stitch (1995)
The Writer Of Pulp Fiction Directs A Version Of The Frankenstein Story That Was Intended To Be The Pilot To A Series, But Was So Bad That Rutger Hauer Left In The Middle Of Making The Movie

Image result for omega doom
Omega Doom (1996)
A Film Mostly Based On Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo, But With Cyborgs? What Is Wrong With This Film? Well, It Is Directed By The Director Of The Terrible 90s Captain America. 

 Death line dvd cover.jpg
Redline (aka Deathline) (1997)
Rutger Hauer Is Brought Back To Life To Get Revenge Of Mark Dacascos From Double Dragon And It Is Directed By The Director Of Ice Spiders. 


Poll ends September 28 at 12 AM EST.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

RIP Dennis "Gumpa/Frank" F. McCarthy

1930 - 2019

On August 30, 2019, I was awaken an hour before I normally get up to be told that my grandfather (who was dealing with cancer in his bone that transferred from his pancreas after that was taken out) had passed away in his sleep at the age of 88. I believe I mentioned in my blog about the Raptors winning the NBA Title that he was probably going to pass away that week I was doing that blog. Well, he lived a bit longer, but I knew the days were numbered.

Dennis McCarthy (who many called Frank because of his middle name being Francis, but us grandchildren called him Gumpa because when his first grandson (my cousin) called him as a baby that, he never wanted to be called anything else) was a man who while he had some outdated views on the world by 2019 standards, was a very "do it yourself" individual and a man who you could respect for his actions. He was the son of an ice maker/bar owner during the Great Depression and he served in the Navy during the Korean War. After that, he became a high school teacher and eventually vice principal. He was always active and to tell you how active he was with workouts and stuff, at around his 70s, he was still walking a mile around town and going to the gym for a regimen that left me and my brother in aches the time we tried it (yeah, he believed in no pain, no gain). He chopped his own wood in the front yard of his house until they day he really couldn't because of a broken hip (which was a year before he contracted the cancer that would kill him ultimately).

Which is why this disease really hurt to watch. Here was a man who was older than I am and for my life, was more fit than I ever was and so vibrant about the world. To see that cancer destroy him to the point that the last time I saw him, he was extremely skinny and could sadly not get out of a chair without help. I had chances to go up after that time, but I really couldn't, mostly because I would be just too sad to see him in the state he was when it got worse (like him going yellow because of kidney failure or that he ended up in hospice care before ultimately wanting to die at his own home). It may be cowardly of me to not want to see him at end, but I just couldnt do it.

For 30 years of my life, I had both of my grandfathers living and now at 35, they have sadly passed away. This may be a sad post and as I am writing it, it is hard to keep my composure. But I will always remember the man who seemed like he could do almost anything even when he was he had long since retired and I will always remember in 2004, when as a lifelong suffering Red Sox fan, he finally saw his team break the Curse of the Bambino and win the World Series and how happy he was when it happened.

You will be incredibly missed, Gumpa.

Saturday, August 24, 2019

Monster Crap Inductee: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)

Monster Crap Inductee: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
What A Dump Of A Movie.

1987

Well, we have gone into an abyss of crap. A movie where nothing good came out of it. A movie where basically everyone who was in this film hides this film in their resume. A film that ended careers and relationships. So how do we begin?

Well, we begin with Cabbage Patch Kids.


Originally the Little People (the building where they were created is an actual Children’s Hospital now called Babyland General) in 1978 and changed officially to what we all know it as in 1982, Cabbage Patch Kids is one of longest running doll franchises in history. It was all the rage for kids in the 80s with not only dolls, but board games, cartoons, and record albums. It also has been passed around a lot as far as who owns them goes. They have been owned by Coleco, Hasbro, Mattel, Toys R’ Us, Play Along Toys, Jakks Pacific, and currently, Wicked Cool Toys. I could go into more (like how in 2008, the Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates had their own dolls), but that would take forever.

But with success comes parody, so in 1985, Topps Card Company decided to parody Cabbage Patch Kids with trading cards called Garbage Pail Kids. And wouldn’t you know it, that became a success too. They of course went on to have cartoons and this movie. But unlike Cabbage Patch Kids, the attempts at further franchising outside of cards was not so well received. That cartoon I talked about was supposedly so hated by parents, that it never aired and only was officially made available with a DVD of the series in 2006. Then, we have this movie and oh, boy do we have a bad movie. But we’ll get to more of the film as we go along.

For director, they got a guy who basically directed and produced TV shows in Rod Amateau. He directed episodes for such TV shows as The Dukes of Hazzards, Mister Ed, The Bob Cummings Show, The George Burns & Gracie Allen Show, The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis, among others. But there is one show that I need to mention above all others that he worked on and that is a little show called My Mother, The Car.

Yes, This Is Real…And It Is What Your Insane Ideas Would Expect It To Be Which Is That A Dead Mother Gets Resurrected Into A Car. Oh 80s, Sometimes You Can Be So Ludicrous.

This movie would star Academy Award nominated…..songwriter in Anthony Newley and Sean Astin….’s brother Mackenzie Astin. Interestingly enough, Mackenzie Astin tried out and got the part without his father knowing about it and when his father John Astin found out, he tried to get his son out of the film because he read the script and he did not like it.

The effects were done by our old pal John Carl Buechler (who you may remember from past inductions Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood, all three Ghoulies movies I have inducted, Demonic Toys, and of course, The Mummy’s Kiss). Interestingly enough, he was in talks to direct the film and his idea was it would be a horror movie about dolls who were turned into serial killers by radioactive sludge.  But of course, someone wanted this to be a family picture and that horror idea (which probably would have been better) was scrapped.

Oh and we do have a few returning stars from Monster Crap past. One of them is Phil Fondacaro (from Ghoulies 2, Evil Bong, and Hellraiser: Bloodline (uncredited)). Not that it really matters for him because he is just the man in the costume and doesn’t get to speak at all (someone else voices his character). Another person is Kevin Thompson (who was also in costume) as he was one of the Oompah Loompahs in Epic Movie.

And with that out of the way, it is time for me to show what nightmare NegaSeth has wrought for me to induct.

So we start out this movie like many good 80s film did in showing the title of the film and the opening credits….

IN SPACE!!!!!!

Then cards start flying at us to reveal the stars.

Collect Them All….Or Don’t Because This Movie Is Bad

Then we reveal some of the Garbage Pail Kids cards of the Garbage Pail Kids that will be in this film.

Well, Three Of Them As We See A Garbage Pail Space Ship Heading To Earth

Enjoy That Garbage Pail Having Rockets On It As It Never Will For The Rest Of This Film. In Fact, For The Rest Of This Film, That Garbage Pail Will Be More Of A Prison Than A Rocket.

We then get more cards.

Oh And At Least One Positive I Can Say Is These Are All Actual Garbage Pail Kids And Not Characters Made Up For The Film. (Thanks To Geepeekay For The Research Help On This)

We go to an antique shop with a garbage pail that is spewing slime.

Odd….

Oh and all these paintings in this film for some reason have eye holes with moving eyes so you would thing the antiques shop is either haunted or the home of a cult of peepers.

And They Are All Judging You For Watching This Film

We hear voices of characters who are obviously sneaking around the place and then having fun. Suddenly, an older voice comes up the stairs and wonders what is going on downstairs before saying that “if I catches anyone up here, I’ll be very surprised”. We then see one of those voices in form closing the garbage pail as they hide.

Hey Valerie Vomit

So the voice of the older gentleman sarcastically wonders what is going on before placing an old aquanaut helmet over the closed garbage pail.


The next day, we go to the streets at night as a kid named Dodger is being chased by two people who I am assuming are part of an adult gang that is wearing some of the worst fashion of the 80s.

As Much As I Sometimes Gush About 80s Nostalgia, I Will Never Gush About 80s Fashion As It Was Mostly Really Bad.

Their names are Wally and Blythe and he runs into the leader of this gang named Juice.

Oh And The Leader’s Girlfiend Named Tangerine. I’ll Get More Into Her Later

The gang steals the kid’s money and then throw him into a mud puddle.

Ah, The Old Days….Where Grown People Could Beat Up A Kid And No One Would Think Twice About It. Yeah, I think We Are Better Off Now Than Back Then.

Juice and the gang leave as the kid is obviously in need of a shower.

That night, the kid goes to where he works which is Manzini’s Antique Shop (the shop we saw earlier) and Captain Manzini (the owner) tries to console the kid. Dodger wonders why they can never use the garbage pail. Manzini tells the kid that as long as the kid has worked there, Manzini has never restricted the kid from touching things, but he is restricting the kid from using the garbage pail. He makes the kid wear a dashiki, which is what men wear in Africa.

Kid, You Are On Your Way To Being Akeem The African Dream. Like I’ve Said In The Past, The 80s Had Their Damn Problems

Manzini also asks if the kid reported it to the police and he said the last guy who snitched on Juice met a bad end. We find out that Manzini has some magical powers as he is able to some appliances to wash Dodger’s clothes all on their own.

This Is An Antiques Shop So Of Course They Don’t Have A Washing Machine

Manzini talks about how what many people consider junk is actually a diary of the human spirit. He reads part of a book and says that it is more than a book as it is a testament to love. He even shows the kid an old fan that was an early form of air conditioning as well as a tool of romance.


Dodger starts playing with a sword and nearly knocks over the garbage pail, but Manzini stops it. Manzini explains to him about Pandora’s Box and says that this is kind of like Pandora’s Box. The kid then goes out to paint a sale sign on the window when Tangerine and some of her friends show up to window gaze at some stuff. We then see why Juice’s gang might be beating up on this kid as he has an attraction for Tangerine.

Yeah, At One Point, He Sniffs Her Hair

She seems to be way older than him and the film makes it out that she is way older than him too, which is kind of creepy. However, in real life,  Kate Barberi was only one year older than Mackenzie Astin and when the movie started production, they were dating in real life. Now you may think they might have good memories of this film, but then you remember this is The Garbage Pail Kids Movie and nothing good came out of this. So, they broke up in the middle of making this film.

But anyway, Dodger wanting to get with Tangerine is seen by the Juice and his gang so they decide to try and teach Dodger a lesson again in their way. So there is shenanigans of the gang chasing the kid around the shop like the Dodger showing off some basketball skills and Wally looks like he has never seen a basketball before.

That’s The Director’s Son

As this happening, the garbage pail falls over.


They take the kid outside and take him into the sewers.


It is there they try to kind drown him by opening one of the pipes and leaving him stuck in there.

A Perfect Plan…..This In No Way Can Be Foiled

But thankfully, Dodger is saved by people that we only see the feet of. Of course, we hear their voices and they are the same people from earlier so you know they are the Garbage Pail Kids. They dry the kid off as he opens his eyes and we finally get the horror of the Garbage Pail Kids.

And That’s Only 6 Out Of The 7. The 7th One They Didn’t Really Show The Face Of Yet. But Yeah, The Effects Would Look Kind Of Okay For Then Since It Does Look Like Them If There Werent Problems. Anyway, You Are Seeing Ally Gator, Greaser Greg, Valerie Vomit, Nat Nerd, Foul Phil, and Windy Winston

Yeah, most of the costume works except for the animatronic heads which the special effects team did not have enough time to finish them so the facial movements were always having issues and the director decided that maybe at some point, they may work as intended (they never did) and continued shooting without delay.

Dodger wonders what they are and they feel insulted so they decided to cause havoc and try to make a mess of the store. After a few minutes of more shenanigans and Dodger trying to stop them, Manzini comes in and sees all of this.

He Is Definitely Not Happy That He Let Them Out Of The Garbage Pail

He tries to get them all to go back into the garbage pail, but they don’t want to. He tries to get Dodger to get him the magic parts he needs for his spell to get them. However, the ingredients aren’t widely so he will have to think of another idea to get them back in the garbage pail. As he is being introduced to them, we finally see the one that wasn’t shown earlier in Messie Tessie.

If You Haven’t Guessed With Her, She Has A Really Bad Snot Problem.

The gimmick of the others is Valerie Vomit will vomit (although she only does it once because of money), Windy Winston farts, Greaser Greg is just a greaser, Ally Gator acts like an alligator, eat eyeballs, and wants to snack on people’s toes, Foul Phil has bad breath, and Nat Nerd acts like a nerd, has a lot of acne and pisses himself (a true insult to me and other nerds that the 80s thought of us like this).

This Is Supposed To Be Fun For The Whole Family

Manzini tells Dodger that they need to keep them hidden until they find a way to get the Garbage Pail Kids back into the garbage pail. Dodger takes a bath and yeah, Ally Gator has to be told not to be biting his toes. We also get told that they have to stay away from normies or normal people who think they are ugly. Manzini says that true ugliness like greed is in the inside. Ugliness on the outside aka with unusual features is merely an adventure. Nobody buys it and Manzini says this is the worst time to come out with everyone focused on their looks these days. Dodger of course says they aren’t ugly even though they mention how he likes Tangerine, who they think is ugly. They also think he has no chance with her. Dodger turns off the lights so the Garbage Pail Kids can sleep.

We then go to Tangerine’s place where she is getting ready to get all of these outfits ready to sell since she is a wannabe fashion designer. Dodger comes by and Tangerine apologizes for what Juice did to him yesterday, although she does so with facial features that show she really doesn’t mean it. Tangerine reveals that she is going to the dance club to sell her merchandise….even though she probably doesn’t have a permit to vend there. Tangerine offers Dodger to come along and help her, which Dodger accepts. She explains to them that whatever the price is, if they want to sell for more than 5 dollars lower than the asking price, then just don’t sell it. So, they get to the club and people do want to buy the merchandise.


Tangerine even sells the shirt she is wearing so we can see her in her bra.


Tangerine puts on another t-shirt because of course you do. Juice’s van shows up and Dodger decides he needs to hide.

In A Bag

Juice drives off with Tangerine in her car and Juice’s goons follow suit in the van. Meanwhile, the Garbage Pail Kids go looking for their apparent friends. Ally Gator says it is time to eat and the rest of them agree. Valerie Vomit and Greaser Greg then steal a Pepsi truck.

As Well As The Pants Of The Truck Driver

Oh and they flatten Juice’s car.

The Kids Can Thank Their Lucky Stars Tangerine Wasn’t In That Car As Well.

They meet with the rest of the kids in a alley with a trash fire and have their food. Valerie talks about how they are the Pepsi Generation because yeah, I think Pepsi paid for Product Placement in this film although I’m sure they have regrets about doing so. We then have a few minutes of them complaining and it really gave me a freaking headache.

Dodger comes back with groceries and sees the Garbage Pail Kids all with ice packs because they also gave themselves headaches as well.

If I’m Gonna Get A Headache, I’m Thankful The Kids Are Also Gonna Get One Since They Caused It

They then reveal that they can sew and have given him some new fashion that he can help Tangerine sell.


Dodger then goes over to Tangerine’s house with the clothes.

Of Course He Has Clothes That Only Work With Michael Jackson And He Does A Moonwalk In Case You Didn’t Get It.

He sees Juice there and decides to hide so Juice doesn’t see him when he leaves.

Dodger Can Thank God Juice Doesn’t Have Peripheral Vision

So after Juice leaves, Dodger goes up to Tangerine’s place and walks right in.

Seriously????

He shows off his threads to Tangerine and she is impressed. Dodger says he made them and Tangerine wants to help sell them for him if he doesn’t mind. She offers to help sell them if he makes a dozen like them and he accepts. He heads back home and wants the Garbage Pail Kids to help him make a dozen suits. They tell him to go home and they will give him the answer tomorrow. Then the Garbage Pail Kids do a musical number called “Working With Each Other”

Yes, The Good Folks In Hollywood Thought This Should Also Be Kind Of A Musical.

Oh and they also break into a non-union sweat shop and steal some clothes there.

I Don’t Know If Places Actually Put It Right Out In The Open That They Are Non-Union Sweat Shops, But I Have My Doubts.

Dodger comes over to the place with food for the Garbage Pail Kids and is impressed that they already have 12 suits ready for him. They warn him that Tangerine is trouble and he doesn’t listen. Manzini comes in and tells Dodger that he needs to hold down the fort as he is going to a music parlor to hopefully find a spell to put the Garbage Pail Kids back into the garbage pail. The Garbage Pail Kids find a TV and don’t know how to get it to work. Then when Dodger comes down, they actually try to hide that they are trying to get a TV to work.

Why Are You Hiding This? It Isn’t That Big Of A Problem Unless You Stole It.

Indeed

They plug the TV in, but it still doesn’t work. Messie Tessie sees that something is loose so she tries to use her snot to fix it, which of course shocks her.


The TV is now broken and they then want to have some fun since all work and no play does something.

Ah, A Shining Joke In A Film Meant For The Whole Family. Why Not?

So they decide to go out and have some fun. They don’t want to get captured so they make some trench coats and hats.

And Of Course It Works

So they decide to go to the movies and as for them being able to drive, they have these Suzuki ATVs.

More Product Placement That The Product Probably Regrets Paying For

They go to a movie that is playing a Three Stooges movie. They also meet a drunken hobo who after seeing them decides to stop drinking.

Yeah, No More Of This Stuff. I’m Seeing Unworkable Effects In Front Of Me.

Most of the gang sneak into the movie theater and of course decide to be horrible movie goers, being rude and stealing other people’s food.


Meanwhile, Ally Gator and Windy Winston decide to go to a bar. There they cause some issues because Ally Gator decides to bite some guy’s toes.


They decide that they may want to make some alligator shoes.

I Know I’m Supposed To Root For The Good Guys, But I Say Do It.

Windy comes in through a window and starts beating up some guys.

And Farting On A Guy With A Mom Tattoo So Bad That It Takes Off His Mustache. 

One biker calms things down and says the “little sucker’s got guts”. So they all are cool now.


Back in the theater, Messie Tessie sneezes popcorn onto people.

And Of Course In A Continuity Error, The Popcorn Is At The Same Level Both Times.

Back to the bikers, they go on a bikers parade around the city with Ally and Winston.


They come back at the antiques shop and the others are already back. Dodger thanks the bikers for escorting Ally and Winston back home with Ally being drunk.


As Greg puts the ATVs away, we see that Juice and his gang (sans Tangerine) know they exist.


Ally Gator is summoned by Manzini and Manzini tells him as a natural leader of the Garbage Pail Kids, he is setting a horrible example. He then makes Ally swear a solemn oath to stay out of trouble and refrain from eating people’s toes. After he does this oath, Ally asks Manzini that if he were as smart as he believes himself to be, why he would take the word of a talking alligator.

Then we get a montage of the Garbage Pail Kids playing with the sewer pipes so stuff happens with the main theme song “You Can Be A Garbage Pail Kid” by Jimmy Scarlet and The Dimensions.

With The Garbage Pail Kids Causing Shenanigans On Juice And The Gang Now, It Makes You Wonder If These Scenes As Well As The Scene Before That Where Juice And The Gang Find The Garbage Pail Kids Was Put Out Of Order In The Final Product.

Meanwhile, Manzini is trying to create a singing spell that he believes will make the Garbage Pail Kids go back into the garbage pail. Meanwhile, the kids are now with Dodger and think that Tangerine is on his mind. But besides that, we also find out that Dodger is worried about the kids and what will happen to them. They of course admit that they are scared that their friends that are missing might die. Finally, we get first mention of the State Home For The Ugly and oh dear god, when we get to that, I just want to remind you that they thought this would be a good topic to talk with kids about. Dodger can’t believe a place like that exists, but Manzini comes in and explains that it does exist. He basically says that he was willing to close his eyes to things he couldn’t see, but now his eyes are wide open to the horrors. They then decide that they are going to find the place.

Meanwhile, we see catchers for the State Home For The Ugly net somebody up, but it’s just a girl in a mask so they let her go.

Wait…So You Mean To Tell Me That These Idiots And Guys With Evil Looking Faces Are Catchers For The State Home For The Ugly. How Have We Not Known About This Place Sooner.

Holy Crap….They Are This Obvious.

We haven’t even gotten to the worst of it in making you think how the hell can a place like this exist. Manzini and Dodger sneak onto the truck and the truck leads them straight to the place that again, makes no attempt to keep itself secret.


Now that they know that the place exists, they plan to wait until dark to sneak in. Unfortunately, that takes a backseat because that old Tangerine plot decides it wants to be the focus again. Dodger comes by with the clothes and the two go out to sell them.

Dear God….I Don’t Even Know If The 80s Even Thought That Attire Was Fashionable

After they sell the clothes, Tangerine wants more clothes for next time. Then we see that Juice and the gang are okay with Tangerine making Dodger think she has feelings for him as it is against his principles to let the creep live, but money talks. Dodger comes to talk to Tangerine after she gets out of Juice’s van and then she sees the Garbage Pail Kids as they also decide to come out. Dodger reveals that they are helping him with the clothes and they aren’t that bad once you get to know them.


Of course, they show Tangerine how they make the clothes while another song called “One Down, Two Down” by Hakim and Lady Dianna plays. After Tangerine leaves with Dodger she reveals that McBundy’s Department Store will be giving her a whole fashion show so she needs more clothes by tomorrow with the promise that she won’t tell anyone about the Garbage Pail Kids. She leaves and goes straight to Juice, who is hidden.

The Garbage Pail Kids tell Dodger that they aren’t doing any more work until he helps them find their friends. Dodger reveals they found the State Home For The Ugly and the place is like a fortress so he and Manzini are trying to figure out how to get in. But he says that in the meantime, they need to help Dodger make the clothes for Tangerine’s fashion show. But they say if he doesn’t go through for them, there will be garbage on his head and Ally Gator threatens to bite his toes.

That night, Manzini and Dodger think the best idea is to go right through the front door. They are told to go away.


The next day, we see Dodger and Tangerine preparing signs for the fashion show.


That night, Tangerine and Dodger come by to get the clothes and Tangerine is kind of mean to the Garbage Pail Kids. After getting the clothes and leaving, the kids want to go to the fashion show. Dodger worries about them getting caught, but Valerie says they won’t. When Dodger is with Tangerine outside, she hates the idea and locks the door so they cannot go.

What A Bitch

The kids find out they are locked in and they are sad that they got played. At the department store, Tangerine gives Dodger the bags to go set up while she parks the car.

Meanwhile, Manzini is still trying to practice a musical spell that would put the kids back into the garbage pail. He thinks he might have gotten it when suddenly, he hears a knock at the door. He answers and immediately gets knocked out with spray by Juice, Wally, and Blythe.


They unlock the lock that is keeping the Garbage Pail Kids in the basement (jeez….wonder where they got the key) and put the kids in bags.


Back at McBundy’s, Tangerine is hopeful that host gets the fashion order correctly.

That Host Is 50s B-Movies Starlet Lynn Cartwright.

At the State Home For The Ugly, we see that Juice and his goons have sold the kidnapped kids to them for a few hundred dollars.

Yes, That Little….

Afterwards, Juice decides that they should head to the fashion show. We go inside the State Home For The Ugly and…

Yeah, This Seems Very Much An Inspiration For What President Trump And ICE Would Have Immigrants From South Of The Border Suffer Through

The Garbage Pail Kids are locked in a cage that says they are too gross. Foul Phil talk about how they don’t see their friends there and Greaser Greg talks about how they need to save themselves. Other people in the prison include a clown (too silly), am Abraham Lincoln look-alike (too short), a fake Santa Claus (too fat), Ghandhi (too bald), an old man (too old), a guy in a dress (too weird), a caveman (too hairy), another guy (too pale), and most insulting of all, a man with a cane (too crippled). All of this thing about “being not perfect and you get locked up” is a really good idea to show to kids (that was sarcasm, of course). And yet, this is still not the worst part of this whole thing.

The worst part comes when the guard tells the other guard that they will be gone soon and then makes hand movements that signals crushing.

Yes, In This Universe….If You Have Any Flaws Whatsoever, You Will Be KILLED!!!! Can Someone Explain To Me Why They Even Attempted To Market This Towards Kids.

Manzini wakes up and realizes that the Garbage Pail Kids have been taken and he knows where they have been taken too. At the dressing room of the fashion show, Juice and the gang confront Dodger and reveal that they have taken away his friends. Dodger finally realizes that Tangerine has been using him all this time with no care at all, and he gets thrown in a dumpster by Wally and Blythe.


After Dodger gets out of the dumpster, he rushes to save his friends. Meanwhile, we see that Manzini got caught trying to get the kids out and he gets thrown out.


Manzini thinks they have the children and then they show a garbage truck appearing. Manzini thinks they may be too late.

Yep, That Is How The Ugly Get Killed.

Dodger doesn’t think they are done and sneaks into the State Home For The Ugly. Meanwhile, the fashion show begins.


Dodger goes to the bar and tells the tough guys about the kids being in trouble. They aren’t having it and go to save the kids.


Manzini sneaks in again and sees the cages, realizing it is worse than he thought it would be. A guard finds Manzini and Manzini knocks him out.


He gets the keys and unlocks the cages. Meanwhile outside, the bikers use chains to force a window wide open.


Everyone escapes from the State Home For The Ugly and Manzini says that he thinks they were too late to save the Garbage Pail Kids’ friends. Yes, we just got told the friends of the kids were killed. Kids getting crushed to death by an organization that will put anyone who has any flaw in cages….fun for the whole family.

Manzini thanks everyone and the Garbage Pail Kids want to go to the fashion show. Dodger thinks that is a great idea as it is payback time. So they go to the fashion show and ruin in with their antics.


Juice and the gang try to intercede. Valerie tells Wally to make her day, which he does by punching her. That was a bad mistake because for the one time in this whole movie, Valerie vomits all over Wally and Blythe.

Yeah, I See Why They Only Used The Effect Once

Dodger charges and gets into a fight with Juice.


With the help of several of the kids, Dodger knocks Juice out.


They finally leave having proved their point. Tangerine tries to apologize to Dodger for everything and wants to continue working with him since the fashion show was a success (how??????), but Dodger sees the true ugliness inside her and walks away from her.

DUMPED!!!!!

Back at the antiques shop, Manzini tries to use his musical spell that he thinks will get the Garbage Pail Kids back into the garbage pail.


It doesn’t work.


The Garbage Pail Kids run off to cause more mayhem.


And the film mercifully ends.

So on a $1 million budget, the movie barely broke even in making $1.5 million. It was a huge box office flop and killed any chance of a movie franchise that the filmmakers were hoping for. As far as the critics go, it did much worse with them…being considered one of the worst movies ever made. It also was nominated for three Razzies for Worst Original Song with that "You Can Be A Garbage Pail Kid" song, Worst Visual Effects, and Worst New Star(s). Jim Cummings (who voiced Greaser Greg and Nat Nerd) considered it one of his biggest regrets. Although considering some of the things Jim is accused of lately, I’m don’t think I should necessarily feel sorry for him.

As far as the cast and crew went, this was the directing job for Rod Amateau and starring role for Anthony Newley (who played Manzini), who only stayed on because he actually believed in the project. Phil Fondacaro (who is in the Greaser Greg suit) would continue to be in low budget movies and for most of them, he actually gets to speak. Jim Cummings still gets voice work. Debbie Carrington (who was in the Valerie Vomit costume) would go on to play one of the rebels named Thumbelina in 1990’s Total Recall. Lynn Cartwright (who played the fashion host) would play older Dottie in a League of Their Own.

Unfortunately, this induction is where a streak of no deaths ends. Anthony Newley (who played Manzini) died in 1999 at the age of 67 from renal cancer. Lee Gordon (who played one of the guards) lost his life in 2000 at the age of 78 due to cardiac failure. Rod Amateu (the director) died from a cerebral hemorrhage in 2003 at the age of 79. Lynn Cartwright (who played the fashion host) died in 2004 at the age of 76 from complications from dementia. Susan Rossitto (who was in the Messie Tessie costume) passed away in 2018 at the age of 56 from natural causes. Debbie Lee Carrington (who was in the costume of Valerie Vomit) passed away at the age of 58 in 2018 due to undetermined causes. John Carl Buechler (who did the visual effects) sadly died in March of this year at the age of 66 after an ugly battle with Stage IV prostrate cancer. 

So is it bad enough to be considered one of the worst movies of all time. Well, unlike past inductions that get that moniker, this one deserves it and is one of the worst films I have ever inducted. The humor is really low rent, the costume heads only work when they want to, the vomiting effect was so bad that it had a good reason to be just done once, the fashion is godawful that even the 80s would look at you like an idiot, and whoever first came up with the idea of a film where they imply that if you have the least bit of a flaw, that you taken from your home, locked in a cage, killed in a gruesome manner, and thrown in a dump like garbage…that person should never EVER have kids. Maybe the horror film idea by John Carl Buechler may not have worked either, but it would have been more digestible than this film that feels like it hates you. Thank god I am done with this film and done with NegaSeth’s summer choices.

Well, with that being done, I have told NegaSeth that he will not be needed the next two months because two special fan polls will be deciding the next two inductions. First was of course, the 10th anniversary induction with a litany of films that will only get nominated this one time and a lot of you made your votes known. So what did you all choose?

Woodland Mutant Killer Bears.
Woodland Mutant Killer Bears.
Woodland Mutant Killer Bears.
Better Play Dead Now.
Bear Murder.