Friday, October 2, 2009

Monster Crap Inductee: Critters 3 (1991)

Monster Crap: Critters 3: You Are What They Eat
Ready To Do Some Real Damage….Yeah Right

Well folks, after the bad memories of inducting the first movie I ever hated on this site, I once again needed a film that was so bad, it is funny. And while I did call Alec Baldwin the most overrated actor today, I tend to have forgotten that there was an actor more overrated than he was. That actor was Leonardo DiCaprio. I don’t care what folks say about his good looks, I just couldn’t get passed the idea that just because he did Titanic (a movie in which I despise), he is a huge star. Now even though he was very good in the Departed just recently, I still think there is too much hype on the guy. So seeing the first movie he was ever in was a complete joke just gives me giggles. And since that movie was a monster movie and he is still embarrassed to have been in this movie, I decided to induct this film and hopefully remind him that for every good film he has done, there are 10 crappers he has done as well.

In 1991, Leonardo DiCaprio, or as I like to call him “DiCrapio”, was a child actor who had basically done very little in his career besides appearing in a small number of episodes of three different shows. But that didn’t stop the young gun from getting his first movie role as the son of an evil landlord who is trying to force people to leave on there own so he doesn’t have to reimburse them for kicking them out of their homes.

Also by this time, the Critters series, while obviously being a cheap knockoff of the Gremlins series, had been something of a cult favorite for two movies. So since the first two were a success, why not do two more? Yes folks…this movie was shot back to back with Critters 4, so obviously the filmmakers had big plans for this series. However, the problem is they made the mistake that Gremlins did not make and that was deciding that the audience could stand a few more ridiculous moments. The Gremlins series stopped after two because they understood that the only way this series could go was down. You see, while the Critters killed for food, the Gremlins killed for joy of being a nuisance. And in both sequels, they both went all out as the Critters and Gremlins both had a lot more goofiness then their predecessors and with big bosses, kind of like video games. But while the Gremlins got it right to stop at two, the Critters did not have the same luck and this piece of crap was the result.

But enough with that, let’s get down with the induction…..

Now before I continue I just want to say that I got the New Line Cinema logo that means these people made it. Why is that funny? Because they also made Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, which I reviewed last week. Also, New Line Cinema is owned by AOL Time Warner, the same people who killed WCW. We then get the credits with some flashlight moving around before we get the title screen.

We then see an RV going down the road and we see our three main characters in this movie; their names are Clifford, Annie, and Johnny. Annie is the older sister while Johnny is the younger brother and Clifford is their father.

Now where is Mommy, you ask? Well, supposedly their mother is dead. They are singing some crappy driving song that unfortunately, I don’t know off the top of my head. I don’t plan on ever singing this song even if I ever have kids (which I am undecided on because while I like my family’s kids, I despise my neighbors’ kids). Basically Clifford has to be reminded on how the song goes by his two children since he supposedly gets the lyrics wrong.

Now as they are singing, they sadly get a flat tire and have to stop. They stop off at a park where other RVs just happened to have stopped as well. While fixing the car, we find out that Clifford has not gotten over his wife dying two years ago, even though the kids have completely gotten over it. Meanwhile, Johnny is throwing a Frisbee around. After getting back the Frisbee, Johnny goes to look over the edge of a cliff near the caves. Another kid grabs Johnny and tells him not to go down there, as there are wild animals that live in the woods.

Now as you can tell, this is Leonardo DiCaprio and he plays Joshua. Anyway, Annie sees Joshua lecturing Johnny and thinks the kid is a pervert. She calls him a pervert and says hands off….even though DiCaprio is about the same age as Aimee is about the same age as DiCaprio, which was about 16. Joshua, after taking in the dumb fact that he was called a pervert instead of a bully, explains that he just made damn sure that Johnny didn’t go over the edge of that cliff and that there could be dangerous animals like…….badgers. After that piece of interesting dialogue, Aimee and Johnny decide to let Josh play Frisbee with them.

Meanwhile, at the RV stop, another RV is there and we see a guy in some rich man’s clothes. The guy looks at the flat tire and unsympathetically tells Clifford that sometimes life really sucks.

Meanwhile back at the park, Josh makes a very bad Frisbee throw and that Frisbee ends up in the woods. After Aimee says he owes her brother a Frisbee, Josh decides to screw the badgers and go in himself to get the Frisbee back. Josh asks Aimee, Josh, and a few other random kids to follow. Aimee decides that they can take another way instead….leaving Johnny as he hears some strange noises. Aimee grabs Johnny and takes him with her. Josh and the kids wonder around the woods until they find the Frisbee. Unfortunately, the Frisbee is on some kind of trap and someone pops up out of the hole like some kind of cannon as he has with him a gun

Of course, this guy is known as Charlie and for those who have seen the first two Critters movie, you probably already know who this guy is. As for those who don’t, Charlie was a town helper and drunk who was met by some alien bounty hunters who had him help them defeat the monsters in this movie, known as the Krites. Charlie is now a bounty hunter and has dealt with the Krites nearly destroying the entire town of Grover’s Bend.

So Charlie yells at the kids, telling them to not play in these woods since the aliens reside here. Charlie talks about the Krites and is basically scaring the kids as he talks about what the Krites have done to Grover’s Bend (which gives us great highlights like the Krites killing a guy in an Easter Bunny costume while hitting him in the balls); however Josh doesn’t believe him and leads the other kids to leave Charlie. However, Charlie gives Johnny a crystal that as he says, “warns them of the aliens if it turns green”. While all of this is going on, we go to the point of view of a Krite that uses Clifford’s truck to hitch a ride. Johnny gives Charlie the rest of his root beer, which is Charlie’s favorite soda. As they leave, Joshua shows Annie that he found some type of device that belonged to Charlie. Meanwhile, the guy with the rich recreational outfit chastises Joshua for being longer than 5 minutes. Joshua reveals that this guy is his step-father as the step-father takes Josh away. Annie tries to tell Clifford about Charlie, but Clifford is upset that the two went into the woods. While putting the final touches on the new tire, something is squished and Clifford sees green goo all over his hand. Clifford then goes back to talking to his daughter who hates that Clifford is leaving tomorrow and that they are going to be babysat by the neighbors. As they leave, we see three eggs in the bottom of the car.

Back on the road, Annie sees a sign that says Grover’s Bend and realizes that Charlie may not have been making up as much as they thought he was.

We then go to the crappy apartment the family lives in and boy do I mean that this place stinks.

Well, if the outer picture doesn’t convince you this place stinks, the inside will definitely convince you. But before that, we see a neighbor named Mario asking a guy named Frank for help, but Frank refuses as he is more worried about a fish tank instead. Frank is the superintendent of this place and is supposed to keep the place repaired.

Now look at this guy, would you want him taking care of repairs? He probably would do more crap than good and that is exactly what he is doing. He fixes a broken down elevator so only he can use it. As Frank is in the elevator, he tells the fish that he merely has four more rooms he needs to get rid of the tenants before he becomes a rich man.

And once he gets to the floor, he meets a fat woman named Rosie who asks him if the elevator’s fixed.

Frank instead insults the woman’s weight by saying there is only a one ton limit. As he goes to load Mario’s truck as a woman riding a motorcycle comes by and parks. The woman in the motorcycle is Marcia and she works for the phone company.

Frank let’s her have it by saying that she walks like a man. Unlike Rosie, Marcia is quick to fire off some shots, saying that someone is obviously dating outside their species while Frank is holding a fish tank. Frank then proceeds to say he has some phone connection issues as pulls at his crouch. Marcia once again fires back and says that sorry, but she forgot her microscope.

Mario is leaving and Marcia goes to tell Mario that she is sorry to see him going. Mario says he killed two rats this mourning. That makes Marcia look at Frank, who is supposed to be dealing with those issues, but Frank says that he needs to see them before he E-Rati-Cates them. Frank and everyone then see Clifford’s RV come in and unfortunately, the RV now has no breaks so they rear-end Mario’s car, destroying some of Mario’s things. As the family gets out of the RV, we see that one of the Krite eggs is destroyed. Of course Frank laughs at all of this like some jerk. However, the Krite that hitched a ride with the eggs goes to the basement by breaking a window. When asked for help, Frank says he only helps people who live here and Mario doesn’t live here anymore.

Frank goes into his office, which just so happens to be in the basement. Frank has a few things from one of the boxes as he is also a thief. Frank sees the hole in the basement window and he is not happy. Frank sees Clifford walking by and says that he is next.

Meanwhile in the hallway, Marcia is talking to Annie as they are good friends. Marcia is going to help Clifford and Mario, but Annie asks her about a job at the phone company. Marcia smiles and says that she will see what she can do.

She knocks on the door and we see the two kids’ babysitters, Mr. and Mrs. Menges.

Mrs. Menges is a good cook (probably why Mr. Menges married her) as Mr. Menges is a guy who is an alien conspiracy theorist. He talks about Roswell and the stories of Area 51 like it is fact. Annie talks to the two about what happened on her trip. Mrs. Menges asks if Annie and Johnny want to stay for dinner, but Annie politely declines, saying this is their last night with their father. Annie tries to steal a cupcake, but Mrs. Menges warns her that she doesn’t want to spoil her dinner….again.

Back to the basement, as we see that Frank owns the rats that have been causing tenants to leave. The phone rings and we see that Frank is talking to the stepfather of Joshua, who is also the landlord. We see that Frank and the stepfather, who is known as Mr. Briggs, are in cahoots to get rid of tenants for the area so they can sell the property. Frank is pissed that his money isn’t coming in for his dirty work and he tells Mr. Briggs to get his ass down here and do some of this himself. Frank then tells Mr. Briggs that nothing else is getting done until he gets paid for getting rid of Mario. After hanging up the phone, Charlie hears some strange breathing sounds coming from deeper in the basement. Frank looks in a vent and sees that something is in there and thinks that it is one of his rats. He scares the thing by banging on the vent and says this place needs a good four alarm fire

Meanwhile, Annie and Johnny are eating spaghetti with their dad, Clifford. Johnny leaves before dad eats because his pirate stories are on. As Annie and Clifford are eating, we see that Annie is concerned that they might have to move soon. Clifford doesn’t care as he gives us this quote.

Clifford: Annie, I'm going to eat my dinner, and then I'm going to watch some moronic situation comedy, and then I'm going to sleep the sleep of the dead. Can we worry about this tomorrow?

I love that he talks about moronic situation comedy while he is in a moronic horror comedy.

Meanwhile Rosie throws her laundry down the shoot to the basement as Frank looks at Rosie’s big bra and acts like a pervert.

So not only is this guy an uncaring sleazeball, but he is an uncaring, perverted sleazeball. Oh yeah, and did I mention that he had some crappy cowboy boots on. But Frank’s enjoyment doesn’t last long as he sees something moving in the pile of laundry. He then hears the strange breathing again; however this time, it is coming from the drier. Now how one of those things got in there and didn’t die is weird. It will also prove as a continuity error later on. But Frank puts his arm in the drier and screams as he has a hot shoot. He then hears something coming from above the drier and sees some black fur. As Frank goes to investigate, a Krite comes out to attack him. Unfortunately, the Krite moved so fast, that I wasn’t able to get a good DVD capture of the monster. Anyways, another noticeable thing is that while you can see the red eyes when it is moving, you will see the Critters eyes turn black when someone is attacked. There is a reason for this as the Critters are really just puppets and for them to look like they are attacking you, you have to hold on to the with your arms kind of like Ultimate Warrior did with the fake cobra on one of WWF’s shows.

Anyway, the Krite is biting at Frank’s neck as he is trying to get the creature off him (while in reality, he is trying to keep the creature on him). Frank finally gets the creature off of him by stabbing it with a screwdriver. Unfortunately for Frank as he is catching his breath, the Krite attacks him again; this time on the chest. Frank tries to get the Krite off him again, but this time it is no use as Frank dies.

Back at Clifford’s apartment, Annie thought she heard something, but her father ignores her. Also Clifford tells Annie about what is going to be going on for the next few days, we see Annie looking at a picture gallery of the kids and Clifford with their late mother. Clifford then tries to turn on the television, but it short circuits so the television is no longer an option…..or is it. It just so happens that Annie has a battery powered small television in her room and tells her to give that to him. As Annie gives him the TV and leaves the apartment, she hears something coming from downstairs. She goes to check it out and sees that it is only Rosie. Rosie thinks she heard a scream as well, but Annie now thinks that it is that jerk Frank. They wonder what is up with him, but neither of them knows the answer. We then see Rosie putting more laundry down the shoot as the laundry lands on one of the Krites. The Krite is pissed off as we see a good look of one of them for those of you who haven’t seen the first two.

The Krite sees Rosie and thinks that it is time for dessert. He charges up like he was Sonic the Hedgehog and flies up the shoot.

I Am Calling Gimmick Infringement!!

Actually Sonic, this guy beat you by several years so you are actually the one who is infringing on a gimmick so why don’t you leave and we can forget this whole mess.


Anyway, Rosie thinks the thing is a rat so she closes the door on the Krite.

Back in the basement, the phone rings again and its Mr. Briggs again, but since Frank is dead, he can’t pick up. A Krite instead knocks over the phone and we hear what Mr. Briggs is saying. The Krite is basically playing with the receiver end.

We see a scene shift between this and Mr. Briggs driving his car while Josh is playing on his Game Boy. Mr. Briggs basically fires Frank as he is going to take care of things himself. The Krite responds by biting the phone as Mr. Briggs hangs up. Back in the car, Mr. Briggs tells his son that they have an errand to do before they go home and wants him to learn the ropes since one day, Josh will own this all.

Back at the Menges room, Mr. Menges is showing Johnny and Annie articles on the tabloids that talks about what happened on Grover’s Bend. He even says that one of the aliens supposedly killed the sheriff wearing an Easter Bunny. I just had to bring that up as it is my favorite scene of the whole Critters series, especially when the Critters attack him in the nutsack. Mrs. Menges, as she doesn’t believe any of this, makes a remark about that she is sure all the aliens were wearing tuxedos. While Mrs. Menges serves dessert, Annie makes a cruel remark about Charlie and says that he actually believes in this stuff. Unfortunately, she realizes that so does Mr. Menges and apologizes for offending him. Annie leaves to check on Clifford while Mr. Menges talks to Johnny asking if he still believes him. Johnny then points at a photo saying it is Charlie and as we look, it just so happens that the person on the picture is Charlie. Johnny then takes out his crystal and sees that it is green. Johnny relays what Charlie said to him by saying that when the crystal turns green, they are near.

Meanwhile, Clifford is watching television and he is not watching some moronic situation comedy, he is watching bowling. Well, he was as Clifford is now fast asleep as Aimee sees this.

In the basement, Rosie is going down the stairs to get her clothes. She of course has a donut in hand, which is definitely not going to help with her obvious weight problem. Rosie calls out for Frank and receives no answer. As she goes down the stairs, we see a Krite waking up. Rosie goes to the laundry room and sees that none of her laundry has been done. She also is disgusted, while putting down her donut, to see that there is green goo all over her bra. She goes to get her donut, but her donut is gone. She then sees that another dress has blood and starts to get scared. She backs up to he drier and one of the Krites pops up. She is now terrified as the Krite sees her bunny slippers. Remembering the bunny they killed, the Krite freaks out and attacks the bunny slippers with one of its spikes. Oh yeah, they have poisonous spikes that can knock you out. Rosie drops the bleach as the Krite tries to roll towards her. However, the Krite rolls into the bleach and it burns his skin. Rosie backs away and sees another Krite. Rosie then decides to run for it. She is cornered by two more of them and they start attacking the bunny slippers. She can’t escape as she gets herself tied up with the clothes hanger.

Meanwhile, Annie leaves the room and she suddenly hears Rosie scream. We go back and see that Rosie is getting her leg bitten by the Krites. Annie sees this and attacks the Krite as a broom. She is able to get the Krite off her and get the clothes hanger off of Rosie. While Annie gets the clothes hanger off, she sees the Krites on Frank as we only his legs.

Another Krite tries to attack Annie, but Annie has a broom and is trying to use it. However, the Krite bites the broom. Annie then swings the broom into walls and throws the broom with the Krite on it. Annie then helps Rosie up the stairs since her leg is injured.

Briggs drives up to the crappy apartment and says that it will be the future site of his mini-mall. Josh then says that Mom told him that the court ordered Mr. Briggs to pay the people he is evicting. Mr. Briggs says that only if he forces them out and they don’t leave on their own. Of course, the plan is revealed that he is trying to force them out while not paying them. He calls Josh “sport” again and Josh says that he hates being called “sport”. Mr. Briggs then forces his step-son to go with him so he can mold him into himself.

Meanwhile, Annie is trying to get Rosie into her room, but her door is jammed so they are stuck. They go up the stairs and call out for Clifford who wakes up. Rosie and Annie tell Clifford about the Krites and Clifford doesn’t believe them as he thinks they are rats. Rosie sees that she is bleeding and faints. Clifford sees the bite and starts to think that something else did this. He then sees this and believes them.

Rosie and Annie run upstairs as Clifford tries to get to his apartment. The Krite responds by shooting one of his spikes at his arm. It hits and hurts like him. Another one appears and as Annie is helping Clifford, the second shoots two of his spikes at Rosie’s back. The first one then shot two more spikes at Clifford’s arm. Another two are there as the three run. Clifford asks what these guys are as they leave. Annie then grabs a garbage can and rolls it at them and hits them all while we see someone on TV hitting a strike in bowling.

Downstairs, Mr. Briggs hears noises and tells Josh that he is getting rid of “animals” and the animals that follow them around. Mr. Briggs then uses wire cutters to cut out the phones. Meanwhile, we see that Mr. Menges is trying to see what happened in Grover’s Bend. We see that Johnny still has the crystal and it is still green. Mr. Menges then asks about what he meant by the warning.

Back downstairs, Mr. Briggs turns off the power to the entire place. This happens while Annie, Rosie, and Clifford are trying to escape. They ask who turned off the lights and they bang into things. Clifford and Rosie are feeling the effects of the poisonous spikes as they are getting tired. Marcia comes up with a flare and wonders what the hell is going on. Marcia agrees to help Annie and takes Clifford as Annie has Rosie to the Menges apartment.

Mr. Briggs has a flashlight and is looking for the residents. Josh doesn’t like this and wants to go back to the car. Mr. Briggs says forget about it as they are in this together. He then sees a room open and hears some audio. Thinking that someone tapped into the emergency line, he thinks he has found the residents. He then sees what looks like three heads watching a cooking show. Mr. Briggs calls Josh “sport” again which he says to not call him. Mr. Briggs then intimidates the kid by saying that he isn’t a crybaby, is he. He flashes the flashlight on Josh and calls him sport again before entering the room.

Mr. Briggs enters the room as Josh snaps by spouting his hatred for his step-father and says that she hopes that he hopes his step-father dies before slamming the door. The door alerts the three heads and we see that they are Krites.

They see Mr. Briggs as Mr. Briggs tries to open the door, but the door is jammed. Two more Krites are in the room and they attack Mr. Briggs.

Josh hears this and tries to help out his step-dad. However, the door is jammed on his end as well and he can only hear as his dad is being attacked and killed by the Krites. He also thinks that tenants are killing him and tries to reason with them by saying he can’t help being a jerk.

Marcia comes in and grabs Josh. Marcia still has the flare and enters the room to check on Josh’s step-dad. She sees nothing until she sees Mr. Briggs’ body on a chair with Krites eating at his flesh. Marcia sees this and makes a run for the hallway, while grabbing Josh. They go up the stairs and Josh wants to go back to check on his step-dad. Marcia then breaks the news that his step-dad is dead and this hits Josh hard. As they introduce themselves to each other, a Krite interrupts by coming out of the laundry shoot. Marcia shoves the flare into the mouth of the Krite which kills him, however it also causes the Krite to catch fire and with the combination of bleach and clothes…a huge fire breaks out in the basement. Now where have I seen this whole fire on a big building before?

Back in the Menges room, Rosie and Clifford are on the couch about to fall asleep. Mr. Menges is helping Clifford get the spikes off his arm, but we see he is barely awake. The room has lights, but only candle lights which unlike most movies actually makes since. They hear the door banging as Annie goes to answer it. Marcia and Josh come in and Annie wonders what Josh is doing here. They move a desk to block the door so the Krites can’t get in. The Krites do try to get in by using their fast roll. When asking if he has a gun, Mr. Menges says he has an old Civil War pistol, but no gunpowder. Marcia then asks for a knife and Mrs. Menges asks if a meat cleaver would work.

Oh I Think That Is More Than Good Enough

Annie sees that there is an attic which can keep them safe. All of them help Clifford and Rosie up to the attic and all go up there before the Krites can break through the door and attacks me. They use a box to block the entrance to the attic so the Krites can’t get to them. The Krites don’t seem to mind since there is all sorts of crap the can eat and folks, you know what that means

Party Time!!!

Meanwhile, Annie and Josh go to the elevator shaft in hopes of getting down. Marcia decides to go with them. We also get a prelude that Annie is afraid of heights. They try to open the hatch to the roof, but it is locked. We see that Marcia sees another way out as Annie once again asks what Josh is doing there. Josh reveals that he was here with his step-dad to evict them. He then tells her that his step-dad is dead. She tells him that she knows what it is like since she lost her mom. Josh then adds that she probably didn’t wish her mom died like he wished his step-dad would. While all this is going on, the Krites start a food fight. Of course the food fight is interrupted by another Krite pouring powder on them all.

Meanwhile, the fire is growing bigger. Back in the attic, Mr. Menges asks for someone to go down to the elevator shaft to go for help. Marcia then appears and shows that she can get to the telephone thanks to a window and some wires. Marcia’s idea unfortunately goes bad and she gets caught upside down on the telephone wires. Don’t worry, since the phone lines are out she won’t get electrocuted. However, since her plan has somewhat failed, they are forced to use the elevator shaft. Annie decides to go down the elevator shaft even though she is afraid of heights. She sees a rat and gets scared. She of course falls to the elevator ladder (since she was very deep, it wasn’t far for her to fall). When Annie gets to the first floor, she sees the place on fire and a Krite on lookout.
The Krite’s screaming alerts the other that someone is on the first floor. They are now on the first floor and Annie has no way in hell of escaping. All hope seems lost until you hear a Tarzan-like yell. The front door blasts open and in comes Charlie.

The Krites realize this and the fact that he has a gun causes panic amongst the aliens. Charlie goes all out and starts killing the Krites. Unfortunately, his gun jams and they are forced to run. The two of them climb up to the elevator through the hole. Unfortunately, Charlie has a problem getting up and accidentally activates the elevator to head up. Don’t worry; the elevator doesn’t smash them as it only stops at the top floor, not the attic. They meet the others and Rosie seems to think Charlie is hot. Johnny remembers Charlie and hugs him. Meanwhile, Marcia is still stuck on the wires and trying to reach the pay phone. However, she forgets that those suckers only work if you pay first and she is in trouble.

Suddenly, the Critters open the elevator door and start entering the elevator shaft. Charlie tells them to be quiet and they can hear them coming. I can’t hear them, but we start to see bubbles and we know the one that ate dish cleaning liquid is coming up. The Krites arrived and one of them goes to attack the Menges, only to be caught in a blanket. Josh then proceeds to beat that Krite senseless and we are to assume he is dead. However, another Krite has shot Josh with a spike. Mrs. Menges sees this and is pissed as she chops one of the Krites in half. Another Krite tries to attack Charlie, but Annie was able to get Charlie’s gun to work and handed it to him so Charlie can blow this Krite into the sky. The Krite blows up into a firework as we see the door to the roof has now been blown open. They are all on the roof and it all seems okay.

However, one Krite is still alive. Remember when I said that assumptions make idiots out of us all. Well, it happens here as we assume the Krite that was in the blanket was beaten to death, but however he was only knocked out. The Krite awakens and heads to the roof. Johnny’s crystal is still green, but the kid doesn’t see it. Johnny is on the edge and the Krite goes to attack him. Charlie grabs the Krite and they both go over the edge. Johnny almost falls, but Johnny is saved by Annie and Clifford. They all hug at the end.

But if you assume Charlie is dead, he isn’t. He is instead holding on for dear life to a poll. However, he ends up falling and only stays alive since Clifford’s RV breaks his fall. And for those of you wondering what happened to the Krite, he got impaled by the TV’s antenna. Help finally comes in police cars and fire fighters. Josh’s mom is with Josh and as Josh’s mom leaves, Josh asks Annie out and she accepts. Charlie goes to leave, but Johnny doesn’t want him to leave. Charlie tells him to keep the crystal as Clifford calls for the two kids. Clifford agrees that since his suit was burned, he won’t be able to leave for his job. The kids are happy that dad stays as Josh’s mom tells Clifford and the two kids that she is willing to reimburse every resident for having to relocate. While this makes Rosie happy as she is on a stretcher, but she is more interested in being introduced to Charlie. Unfortunately, Charlie has left and Rosie will have to look for someone else to drool over.

Meanwhile, as the credits play, we find out that there are two more Krite eggs remaining. Charlie sees them in the basement of the burnt house and goes to destroy them, but is not allowed to do so. Ug, who was the bounty hunter in the first two movies, makes a small appearance through a hologram, telling Charlie that those are the last two Krite eggs existing in the world and since there is an intergalactic environmentalist group, the Krites can’t be forced into extinction. Ug then tells him that a pad will appear and he will put the two eggs in there. The pad crashes as we see a To Be Continued sign. Since this was made back to back with the fourth movie, no one should be surprised by this.

A few little facts before I get to my review, there were several criticisms of this film that must be addressed.

One of the criticisms was the human death count as it was low following the previous. Now I can’t give you an exact number of deaths in the predecessor, but I can’t tell you it’s more than both of my fingers. However, this movie only has two people killed in this movie. You know what that means, certain people did not want to get killed which always makes a movie worse. Look, if you’re character is going to die, let him die.

Another criticism was that the movie did not keep this movie in Grover’s Bend. People hated that new people were brought into the frame. Also, this movie cover tries to tell you that they are ready to do the damage so the cover is lying to you. They said the following.

First they destroyed a farm,
Then they terrorized a town,
Now they are ready to do some REAL damage!

Now since you see that, look at what they destroyed….an apartment. Is that real damage or what? If you didn’t catch the sarcasm, I apologize.

Another criticism was the last Krite alive. He has a stripe which was familiar to a certain infamous Gremlin.

Now let’s go to the aftermath. Luckily for Leonardo DiCaprio, this wouldn’t be his lasting memory. In fact, he was able to get on a hit TV show known as Growing Pains, and then got rave reviews on small movies, before hitting it big with Titanic. He is dating supermodels and having movie roles out of the ass. That can’t be said for the others. Aimee Brooks, the person who plays Annie, ended up as a bartender.

Now my final thoughts, while this film is a letdown from the previous film, we saw the Krites be funny again and their antics always give me a laugh, as does the Gremlins’ antics. Unfortunately, not even the Krites can save this movie from sucking overall.

No comments:

Post a Comment