2014 GINO Award Winner
2014
I should be surprised this won considering this was not in my Top 10 of worst movies of the year nor would it probably be in my Top 20 if I did one. However, considering everything this film had going against it (WWE Films replacing well-beloved Warrick Davies for their midget named Hornswoggle and making this film “serious”), I am absolutely not surprised to know that a terrible film involving wrestlers and the biggest wrestling (screw that Sports Entertainment tag, Wrestling is one of the words the company’s initials mean) company in America would win by a large margin with many of the people who read this site being known wrestling fans as well. So let’s talk about the genesis of this film.
In
2012, WWE Films (who I had featured previously for its first entry See No Evil,
which had a sequel come out this year that was better than the original) and
Lionsgates (known for the Leprechaun franchise as well as having several other
films being featured on this site) decided to team up and one of the first projects
announced for this team up would be a reboot of the Leprechaun series. Sadly
but not surprisingly, they would not be bringing back Warrick Davies (who from
what I gather, would have jumped at the chance to do another Leprechaun film
(he loved doing those after all)) and instead cast WWE’s resident little person
who dresses like a leprechaun Hornswoggle (whose original name in WWE was
Little Bastard) as the title character.
Hell,
They Even Released This Teaser Poster With Hornswoggle Acting As The Evil
Leprechaun.
And
for 2 years I had talked about the idea of this film being made and for two
years, nothing happened (even though they said it would be out last year) so I
thought it was a dead project, but nope…in 2014, I saw Hornswoggle’s face
saying the film would be coming out in August for a limited one-day screening
(so they could be get passed that Wallmart loophole of only having films that
made some theatrical release being on their shelves). We even got a damn trailer
for it and you basically only saw blurs of the creature, which was rather weird
since I was wondering why in the hell would you make a Leprechaun movie and
hide the Leprechaun. It was only after I watched the damn movie that I found
out why, but we’ll get to that.
Let’s
talk about the cast and crew. First they would get Hornswoggle to do this in
what you would be presumed would be his first time in a movie, but then in
2014, you saw Hornswoggle was in the movie Muppets Most Wanted, which WWE never
once promoted when it was in theaters that one of their guys was in it. By the
way, Hornswoggle had never seen any of the other Leprechaun films and refused
to see them while making this film so his performance could be his own.
Then
you have the director…finalist of the Fox reality show On the Lot, and former
child actor Zach Lipovsky, who was a visual effects supervisor for most of his
time away from being in front of the camera and his last movie was the 2013
Straight to SyFy Channel film Tasmanian Devils, about you guessed it…giant
killer Tasmanian Devils.
Which
Since I Havent Seen The Film, I Can Only Surmise This Is What The Damn Thing
Looked Like In The Film (Yes, I Know What Real Tasmanian Devils Look
Like….Thanks For Ruining The Damn Joke)
The
rest of the crew is filled with people whose identities I’ll reveal later as one
is funny as hell. One I will mention is the role of the Irish older lady named
Mary is played by Mary Black, who you might remember from that horrible Fog
remake.
Yep….She
Was The Lady Who Was Too Busy Watching Jeopardy And Got Killed By The Fog
Coming Out From The Kitchen Sink
She
was also in the Wicker Man remake, which makes me wonder…why she would accept
any role in a film that is a remake or reboot of some kind. I guess she thought
third time was the charm, which sadly for her….it wasn’t.
Anyway,
without further ado…let’s get on with this Leprechaun: Origins.
We
start this film with two young adults running in the woods. They then enter
brushes where we can see them, but we can’t see what is chasing them. And if
you are from Ireland and noticing these plants might not be in Ireland, don’t
worry…it’s because they filmed this in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
The
guy gets dragged into the grass and we only hear his screams with sounds of him
getting killed. The girl then decides to do the stupidest thing possible and
hide in the grass, just standing there while the guy gets eaten. And as you can
also see the camera is shaking like a mother fucker for no reason. Then the guy
jumps in and reveals how messed up he has become because of the monster.
This
Strange Rock
But
as you can guess…..she doesn’t make it and the creature kills her.
We
then have shots of “Ireland” that we should know is Ireland with Irish music
playing. By the way, this film originally gave the Leprechaun the name of
Lubdum, but once making the film…they decided to just call him The Leprechaun. We
then meet our four main characters who are hitching a ride on the back of a
truck carrying chickens.
There
Is Sophie & Ben
And
The Other Two Are David & Jeni
You
might the know the actor playing David as the same actor who played Mark in
Freddy vs. Jason, who was one of the few people in that film actually killed by
Freddy Krueger and not Jason Voorhees, who Freddy gets pissed at for stealing
kills. The chicken truck driver shows him the way to the village and when asked
if he can take them there, he refuses. You know, when people who will to take
you to town won’t go all the way, maybe that should be a warning. But since
these are basically kids in their early twenties, they just pay the guy and be
on their way.
They
walk passed the rock we saw earlier and head to town. They even ask what the
hell the rock is as we see it is carved with symbols and such. They say the
village is only 300 years old (like that is brand new for some reason), but
they say it has housed some of the oldest Celtic artifacts. They then pass by
this bearded gentlemen who just stands there and looks at them.
Hi
There Bearded Man
So
they enter the village and go to the local pub. Sophie looks at the book and
thinks there must be mistake and her so called boyfriend Ben says the only
mistake we made is trusting her with their last weekend in Ireland. As you can
already imagine, this guy is a dick.
When
they enter the pub, they get looked at by the patrons. They ask for four pints
and the nice lady named Mary gives it to them.
Hey,
If You All Don’t Finish These Drinks, I’ll Take Them. I Mean, I’m Going To Need
To Drink To Continue This Film. Last Time You All Saw Me On Monster Crap, I Got
Disentigrated…By A Freaking Fog.
Anyway,
Sophie is apparently the smart one and just drops that she might not enroll
into Berkley for her Master’s, which shocks the others. She then says that with
her boyfriend going to Harvard that she might decide to check out the East
Coast for a while. Jeni is especially unhappy as she remembered Sophie wanting
to get her Master’s in History at Berkley’s since she was two. They of course
talk about wanting to find places to visit in this little town and this
interests the man named Hamish.
He
Voiced Grounder From The Adventures Of Sonic The Hedgehog.
He
talks about some Irish place that translates to Stones Of The Gods and says
they need to visit them. He says that they are these stone sculptures in a cave
that are said to be the oldest known artifacts in all of Ireland. They ask why
they haven’t heard about them and he mentions you will never hear about them in
any guide books because this town likes to keep its secrets. Since there is
sinister music playing as this guy is talking, you can assume that Hamish over
here is a bad guy. Although, it is also safe to assume that when you cast the
guy who played Grounder as him.
He
then tells them that it is a seven hour hike from the town, but they can stay
in one of the cabins that is on the road. Jeni then jokes about what is not to
like to be in a Cabin in the Woods. Yeah, nice of you to reference a better
movie. Ben then gets pissy about this being just a day trip and doesn’t want to
spend the night in this area. But he
gets out-voted by everyone else so they decide to take Hamish up on the offer.
Hamish then says he will call his son to pick them up and take them to the
cabin. When his son gets there, Hamish introduces them to him.
What’s
Not To Trust About This Guy?
During
the drive, the son (whose name is Sean) is rather unhappy that there is four of
them because he thought his father said there would only be a couple of them.
Hamish then says four will be fine, despite not even bothering to tell his son
that four is still a couple of them. David wants them to turn up the radio, but
Sean says no. Sophie asks about the stones and Hamish says he has no idea what
the symbols on the stones mean as those stones have been there longer than the
town. Hamish also mentions that the town was made when they found gold in the
cave and created a mine, but the cave collapsed so the town is what it is now.
Ben sees the gold watch Hamish has on him and mentions that times must not be that
tough. Hamish notices what he is talking about and says that a guest gave that
to him. David notes it is a Rolex and says that the guest must have liked him
to give him a Rolex. Hamish says that the guest really appreciated his
hospitality.
So
they get to a house and Sophie talks about it not being that bad.
Meh,
Not That Bad Either
Of
course, the curious thing is there are pad locks on the outside. Sean mentions
that they have to guard against break-ins and squatters using the place. There
is some noise being made and Hamish grabs a shotgun. They shoot at it and then
Hamish says that there are a lot of wild boars in these parts. They then get
the young ones set up. As they are setting up, David jokes that he didn’t bring
his Rolex. Hamish laughs it off and says there is a lot of other things he can
steal from him if he wanted to, before laughing it off as a joke before the two
Irish people leave.
Once
outside, Hamish takes off the watch and leaves it on the side of the house, I’m
guessing as some sort of sign since he has those shifty eyes. Night falls as
Sophie thanks Ben for agreeing to do this and Ben just gives a nod while he is
reading. Sophie then asks about her coming to the East Coast and if he has
given any thought to it, which Ben says that it sounds interesting. She then
strips for him, but not enough to show nudity. Also, Ben is cold so nothing
happens as far as sex goes.
Really?
You Couldn’t Even Finish Your Beer Or Have Sex? You Just Had To Fall Asleep?
Now, I May Not Have Had Any, But I Don’t Really Think I Would Be Falling Asleep
During Sex. Too Much Action For Me To Be Tired.
Even
Jeni can’t believe this. After they have all fallen asleep, Jeni is awakened by
some noise. As the noise continues, she is scared by it. She then looks outside
and a jump scare of something running by happens. Jeni wakes everyone up and
tells them that there is something outside. David tries to explain that is why
they call it the woods with wild animals. Both guys laugh it off as Sophie
tries to comfort Jeni. David decides to try and check, but he finds out and
tells the group that they have been locked inside. We then see the Rolex that
was left is taken by the creature outside.
I’m
Sure That Hurts Like A Mother Fucker
As
Jeni leaves that area, David looks in and gets scared by the creature.
Movie……You
Are Not Jaws! Stop Trying To Act Like Jaws!
And
Even That Movie Did That Because It Was Freaking Forced To Because The Damn
Mechanical Shark Had Problems Working!
Anyway,
the people try to barricade themselves into a single bedroom and attempt to
keep the creature out. The noise stops and they think the creature is gone so
they try to look under the door to check.
I
Would Like To Thank This Movie For Doing These Extreme Quick Cuts So It Could
Be A Pain In The Ass For Me Took Take Pictures.
Sophie
screams and says that she saw a foot while the creature continues to try and
force itself in. The creature then stops banging on the door and instead
teleports to breaking the window and entering the room.
I’m
Not Kidding You When I Say This Is The Best Shot I Could Of The Creature
Breaking The Window
They
try to separate themselves with the creature.
If
You Ever Wondered Why I Kept Calling This Creature A Demonic Mandrill In My
Talk Of The Film, These Picture Comparisons Explain.
See,
the creature looks like what would happen if a mandrill became demonic and lost
its freaking hair.
Or
I Could Have Said It Was Gollum On Steroids. But Considering The Company That
Made This Film, That Joke Would Have Been Too Freaking Easy.
So
anyway, they get the bed over the creature and get out of the room. While Jeni
is wondering how the hell they are going to get out of here, Sophie looks at
the fireplace and realizes it is actually a tunnel.
I
Honestly Don’t Know How Any Person Could Have Missed That.
So
they go through the obvious, yet secret tunnel and they almost all get out
fine, except David (who was of course last) gets grabbed and injured by the
creature.
An
idea is then given to go to the house they passed before they got to the cabin
and check to see if there was a phone. You can kind of guess the problem with
that situation immediately because as mentioned earlier, the house had been
abandoned years ago. Kind of need electricity for that phone to work and I
doubt anyone would still be paying the bills to keep electricity going to the
house. They run for it as David with his injured leg falls and only Sophie
decides to actually run and help him. In fact, Sophie throws the lamp and
creates fire as a way to keep the creature away from David.
Well,
Now That Is Just Fucking Impractical Of These People
Seriously,
you have a house that no one lives in that you never use and yet you have
electricity for the damn thing. They then search for a phone and that search
somehow leads them to the basement (because if they don’t have phone in the
main level, they are sure to have a phone in the basement). In the basement,
they are horrified to find tons of thrown together clothes, proving they were
not the first people they did this too. Ben then uses one of the shirts as a
tourniquet for David’s leg wound.
Then
we see that the evil Irish bastards that put them in this trap are actually in
their trucks and haven’t just assumed that they died (Gasp!!). Meanwhile, Sean
has problems with his father Hamish being okay with doing this deed. Another
man Ian comes over and Hamish thanks him for showing up, which Ian says no
problem.
Not
Those Outsiders. Those Outsiders I’m Sure Sean Would Be Okay Sacrficing
He
says they came here of their own free will and the bad guys are just giving
them a push in the right direction.
Back
in the basement, Ben still tends to David’s wound as Jeni finds a bunch of
glasses, which once again signifies that they are not the first people these
townspeople have done this too. Now with the Irish lads, Ian believes that it
should now be enough time for the creature to have done his work so they decide
to go over and clean up after it. In the car, Sean says there didn’t have to be
four of them and Hamish tells him he knew there was going to be a day where he
would need to help them and now is that time. Sean then reveals that this
wouldn’t have happened if they weren’t so greedy and taken all its gold from
its cave. Then Hamish says that maybe if they increase their offer, they can
buy themselves some lenience for the next time.
Back
at the basement, Sophie finds an open book (left by the plot fairy) that
explains that the creature out there is a Leprechaun.
Yep…Instead
Of A Fun Loving Character From Previous Films That Is What Real Leprechauns
Look Like, We Get The Bastard Child Of An Elf & Pumpkinhead As Our
Leprechaun.
It
also reveals that the stone is basically a boundary and if you pass the stone,
the Leprechaun can no longer go after you. They also say that the cave housed
the gold which they mined (meaning they stole). It also reveals that until the
debt has been repaid, you have to make amends with sacrifices. Jeni then
reveals that her earing was gold, which might explain why the Leprechaun
grabbed it. Hamish, Sean, and Ian go to clean the cabin up, but then they
realize that there are no bodies which means the people must be alive, which
means the Leprechaun hasn’t fed so they run to try and get the group. They then
see that the lights are on in the house so they know their planned sacrificial
lambs are there so they run over there.
The Irish guys enter the house and the outsiders know they are here with their footsteps. Ben realizes there are weapons, which I could have said was there a while ago and they decide to grab them. Sean comes down and sees them. The others come down too and Hamish says good job to Sean for finding them. Ben tells the two to drop their guns and seeing as the two have guns and the four have blunt objects, Hamish declines. Hamish wonders how they got out of the cabin and Sean says that maybe this group has earned their freedom. Hamish says no to that because the Leprechaun will immediately will come to the village.
Suddenly
shots start firing elsewhere and the two gunmen decide to leave their victims
alone as they tend to Ian, who obviously was firing the shots.
No,
Seriously….They Leave Them Tied Or Guarded So They Don’t Get Away. They Just
Say “Stay There” And Expect Them To Stay There.
Okay,
they do lock the basement door so they can’t get out, but you know damn well
they can still get out or at least hide and sneak attack you when you come back
for them. Hamish goes outside and only finds Ian’s gun and some flares.
Makes
You Wonder How These Guys Got Away With This Scheme Of Luring Outsiders To
Their Deaths For So Long.
But
then again, Sean is waiting and points his shotgun at them. But Sean has a
conscience and he just lets the group go. They run out of the house and try to
steal the truck, but the keys aren’t around. Sophie says that they just got to
run to the stone so they run. Hamish eventually finds Ian in the garage…
Ian
Seems To Have Been A Bit Impaled
Of
course, he wakes up and with his last dying breath, he tells Hamish the
Leprechaun is behind him and Hamish turns around and starts shooting. He then
breaks a window and gets out of the garage. Of course with quick cuts and
screams, the Leprechaun kills Ian. Our protagonists runs to the road, where
they see a car coming up and get them to stop.
Hey,
It’s Bar Maiden Mary
They
explain the situation and Mary decides she wants to help. They think they are
finally home free, but surprise, surprise…
Even
Vince Russo Would Call This A Lazy Swerve
The
car doors are open and the group is forced out of the car. After some talk, Ben
and Sophie tries to fight them off, but they get knocked out. We see Sophie
wake up and notices that all four of them have been tied to some trees.
I
Guess This Film’s Lesson Is Never Have Gold Piercings Or A Leprechaun In Name
Only Will Come By And Rip It Out Because They Need Their Gold.
This
pisses off David who starts taunting the Leprechaun with insults so the
Leprechaun does the natural thing.
And
Slice Open His Stomach
Of
course because of the Leprechaun’s sloppy slash, David’s ropes are also cut. David
starts running away which everyone thinks is him leaving them, but David
actually has other plans.
Namely
Grabbing A Conveniently Left Behind Machete And Freeing Jeni. Then Distracting
The Leprechaun As Jeni Frees The Others.
After
everyone is freed, Jeni tries to save David, but the Leprechaun is on him like
a bad habit. Ben and Sophie grab Jeni and they all flee as the Leprechaun kills
David. Sophie then has this line of dialogue with Ben and Jeni.
Sophie: We have to go back
to the cabin.
Ben: Why?Sophie: Because we’re going to kill it.
So
they go back to the cabin and Sophie explains her plan. She leaves a piece of
gold near the cabin and says someone is going to be outside hiding and the
people inside will lure the Leprechaun to come in through the fireplace with
that gold, where they will be ready to kill it. Of course that person on the
outside also has to lock it from inside as well. Yeah, me thinks this plan will
go badly.
And
yet somehow, they decide to get Jeni, the person most likely to fuck this whole
thing up, to be on the outside and lock it inside. Everything seems to be
working with Jeni hiding under the house, but the Leprechaun has other plans.
The Leprechaun decides to grab Jeni and place her through the fireplace, where
she gets an axe to the face by Sophie.
Complete
With Some Horrific CGI Blood
So
yep…Jeni is now dead and the Leperchaun now has more food. Sophie is of course
completely distressed that she just killed someone she knew since they were
kids. So with that plan going kaput, the two survivors decide to do the actual
logical thing.
RUN
AWAY, RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!!!
They also see a truck and try to steal it. Sophie falls and Ben (showing he cares about himself more than others) still runs towards the truck, refusing to help. Luckily for Sophie and unluckily for Ben, she is able to recover and get into the truck with Ben, where she calls him out on that shit he pulled a few seconds ago. Meanwhile, the Leprechaun is on the outside trying to get in like one of those monkeys at that old safari that used to be at Six Flags Great Adventure.
Yeah,
They Sadly Closed That Part Where You Can Use Your Cars To Drive Through And
Now, You Have To Ride In A Park Owned Vehicle.
They
see the body of Ian and realize that the keys to the truck must be on him which
means someone is going to have to go outside to get them from Ian’s cold dead
hands. Ben offers to get the keys, but Sophie grabs a flare, giving it to Ben
and says he has to distract the creature while she goes and gets the keys. So
they put the plan in place and it doesn’t work when the creature doesn’t fall
for it, but at least they are both still alive to try their next plan, which is
to get to the farmhouse.
At
the farmhouse, the Leprechaun finally grabs Ben and he tells Sophie to run and
leave him behind and she finally does. The Leprechaun then kills Ben by ripping
out his spine.
Leprechaun
Wins…...Fatality!!
That’s
My Fatality, You Unoriginal Bastard!!!!
Of
course being the cliché horror movie character Sophie may be, she runs upstairs
and tries to escape out a window, because as every slasher movie ever has shown
us, that is such a great idea. But the window doesn’t open so she is stuck
upstairs and has to hide in a small crawlspace. She cries realizing how screwed
she is.
I
Never Should Have Read That Book About Cliché Characters’s Escape Plans That
Failed And Thought They Would Work For Me
The
Leprechaun’s vision sees a handprint on the door to the crawlspace. All seems
lost for her, but Sean shows up and shoots at the creature.
Good-Bye,
Irish Grounder
At
Least You Weren’t Beaten By A Hedgehog This Time.
Sean
cries over the loss of his dad and over this whole experience. Sophie runs into
the truck and tries to get it started. She does get it started, but while
driving….the Leprechaun decides to hitch a ride.
Going
My Way???
She
tries to get the creature off the car as the creature just tries to get in. As
the creature gets on the roof trying to break the windshield, Sophie hits the
breaks and the creature flies off the car thanks to inertia. Of course, either
she didn’t have her seatbelt on or the car didn’t have airbags because she hit
the steering wheel, which causes her to be busted open.
Unlike
On WWE Shows These Days, This Movie Will Not Be Halted So Sophie Can Get Those
Scars Fixed Up Before The Movie Continues.
So
she tries to recover from smashing her face on the steering wheel and it takes
a few minutes to do. She sees that the creature is up and she tries to start
the car in an attempt to run it over, but the car won’t start. So she now has
to make a run for it to the rock. The sun rises and we see Sophie run through a
graveyard that we saw earlier in the film with the two people from the
beginning pass by before getting very close to the stone. She trips over a
backpack that was never picked up.
Those
Crafty Leprechauns Are Leaving Backpacks For People To Trip On For This Exact
Reason….Or It Is Just There Because The Main Character Needs Something Inside
It.
So
Sophie goes through the backpack (it’s the latter, it seems) and…
She
Finds Some Gold Coins
I
Want Me Gold!!!
Sorry,
I get in the habit of thinking that’s the Leprechaun, but I am wrong because
obviously…
This
Is A Leprechaun. (Sarcasm)
Anyway…Sophie
does that line that was done in the first film.
Sophie: Fuck You, Lucky
Charms
Hey,
What The Hell Did I Ever Do To You???
Joking
aside, I also have to make this mention.
A
Kid Saying That Same Line Said It So Much Better Than A Grown Woman
So
she throws the coins in the air, which distracts the Leprechaun so she can grab
a nearby conveniently placed knife and slice the creature’s head off.
SAFE!!!
She
hears grunts that the Leprechaun made and continues to run as the grunts
continue to signify that the one she just killed was not the only Leprechaun
there. And with that bit of sequel baiting, that’s the end of the film. Oh and
during the 13 minute end credits, they try teasing some stuff that leads to
nowhere, but another repeat of a past scene. So yeah, nice teasing that leads
to nothing, you stupid, stupid film.
At
the time this film was released, the last time we had seen Hornswoggle (who
played the Leprechaun) was a few months before where his wrestling character as
a heel with the jobber stable 3MB (who still had an awesome theme music) losing
his hair, after he a hair vs. mask match vs. another midget in a bull costume.
He had since been in a Gator suit as the mascot for the short lived jobber tag
team of Slater Gator. Basically, unless there is some miracle…I don’t know how
long Hornswoggle will last as part of the WWE roster.
Zack
Lipovsky somehow got to direct the live-film adaptation of Dead Rising that is
coming soon. Melissa Roxburgh (who played Jeni) will be in another WWE Films
production as the Olivia Tanis in the next Marine movie (which will be starring
the Miz, who will be the first Marine to return for a sequel). Brendan Fletcher
(who played David) will be returning for the Uwe Boll Rampage series in Rampage
3. Garry Chalk (who played Hamish) will be in the Disney film Tomorrowland,
although his role is not known at this time.
So
my thoughts on the film are this: Despite it not being on my worst of the year
list, this film is bad. And watching it again, it just got worse. I’m serious
when I tell you, I would love to know where they got these camera because these
are some of the worst cameras I have ever seen as far as the focus goes. This
film at times freaking blurs so often and with so many jump cuts, you can
barely tell what is going on at times (especially with many of the kills of the
Leprechaun himself). The CGI blood splatter that we see is crap. The Leprechaun
suit looks terrible (as I have mentioned many times in my comparisons with
demonic animals and spawns of other horror movie villains). I really do feel
bad for Hornswoggle because even with the crap in this film and the fact that
he doesn’t get to speak, he tried so hard with what he had and like the same
thing he is dealing with in WWE, it all ended up like crap.
So
if you want an enjoyable Leprechaun film, just watch Leprechaun 1, Leprechaun
3, or Leprechaun In Da Hood. You can also watch Leprechaun 2 because despite
hating that film, it is still better than this film. But after having seen
Leprechaun in Space and Leprechaun: Back In Da Hood, I cannot say this is the
worst Leprechaun film. However, I will take Warrick Davies 100 times over
Hornswoggle as my Leprechaun any day of the week.
So
with the 2014 GINO Award winner done, what is the next induction?
Well, We Are Going Back Nearly 20 Years For The Next
Induction With A Film That Began Hatred For A Certain Director Who Had Made
Great Films Like Falling Down & The Lost Boys.
I
know what film you are talking about and this is a film I have wanted to induct
for a while because I believe the man who played Batman, played him the worst.
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