Nothing Like A Good Craping To Get The Circulation Going
I’m sure a lot of people think of killer toys or killer little people and think, this must be a horror comedy that in no way can be taken seriously. In most cases, you would be right. But once in a while, one film comes along and introduces a character that can be taken very seriously and treated like a serious threat to our characters, all the while not being a complete joke. In 1988, director Tom Holland and writer Don Mancini did exactly that with a film called Child’s Play.
Or You Want Your Kid To Be This Annoying Kid From The Babadook That At Some Times You Are Tempted To Kill (BTW Babadook Is A Great Movie So Don’t Let My Crapping On This Kid Stop You From Watching It)
And in the sequel, the same kid and the same doll returns and while not as good as the first movie, it is a worthy sequel. However, for the third film…since the film had to have the kid character be way older than the actual actor was at the time, they had to get a new actor. But don’t worry, they got the same character actor to voice the doll for the third time. And that wonderful character actor is Brad Douriff (who you have seen in films ranging from The Exorcist III to two of the Lord of the Rings films). Basically, Brad is the type of actor that if you need a villain who is a weasel, psychotic, or both…he is most certainly the perfect guy to fit that role. He is also the perfect actor to play just a nut who may not be the villain. Unfortunately, even for a great actor like Brad Douriff can be stereotyped and stuck into a film that gets inducted into the halls of Monster Crap.
He Was Tucker Cleveland In Graveyard Shift AKA One Of The Two Actors Who Stole Every Scene They Are In (The Other Being Stephen Macht)
Now for the new person to play Andy, they got Justin Whalin (who at the time had his biggest role be in the Blossom pilot). Other actors were brought in like Andrew Robinson (who was Larry in Hellraiser, Scorpio in Dirty Harry, and Detective Monte in Cobra).
He Was Also The Star Of Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings
So what was the problem with this film? Well, for one thing….it is a third movie in a series and if you have been paying attention to my inductions, you’ll know that third movies are normally bad. In fact, very rarely is the third movie not looked at as the red-headed stepchild in a trilogy (if they stay at 3 films.) Why is that, you ask? Well…the first film sets the tone and the second movie, while not as good as the first movie, may be forgiven if it follows the same formula. If the third movie follows the same formula or completely strays off the path of the original film, you get a movie that is HATED. In fact, I can probably count on one hand how many third movies in a series are universally loved. So you are (even before writing the story) stuck between a rock and a hard place.
The other thing that caused this film to have problems. Well, you’ll have to indulge me as I review this film to find that out.
We begin this film with the Universal logo.
Ah…My Old Nemesis When It Comes To Reviewing Things.
It then goes to the old toy factory from the last film, which is now in cobwebs because it had shut down all those years ago.
Factory Worker: Nope….Don’t See Anything Wrong Here
Of course as the crane goes over the plastic, some blood drops in and the machine starts up.
Let's Do The Time Warp Again...
And after our opening credits where we see the doll getting made with the mixture of plastic and blood. We get to see the mouth of the doll scream NOOOOO.
Or He Could Be Wanting To Be Part Of A Sex Toy....You Decide
I would have sort of a problem with this since last time I saw Child’s Play 2, I saw Chucky getting reborn with a piece of his flesh falling into the machine and then getting reborn with a smile on his face. But I looked and that was an alternate ending so that doesn’t count.
Now we head to a board meeting where executives are debating whether to bring back the Good Guy dolls after 8 years. One guy says that after all the hell they went to because of the Andy/Chucky situation, that they should just let this one rest in peace. But a female executive says it was 8 years ago and before that, the Good Guy dolls was their top seller so they shouldn’t let the fantasies of one child screw them over for life. Unfortunately, the female executive wins out and the Good Guy dolls are brought back into production, with the CEO of the company Sullivan getting the first Good Guy doll off the assembly line as a gift.
It’s Definitely Chucky
Sullivan then relaxes and turns on the TV. But while is watching, we see a golf club is moving.
Ah Yes, The Putting Machines That Would Spit The Ball Back To You. I Used To Have One And Besides the Occasional Putting, My Brother And I Would Put Random Things In There And See How Far They Went.
Chucky also decides to grabs some marbles.
Maybe In An Attempt To Play A Live Version Of Marble Madness
The TV is turned off which confuses Sullivan. He then notices the clicker is missing so he goes to find it. Thanks to some help from Chucky, he finds the clicker and turns the TV back on. Chucky then knocks over the jar of marbles and Sullivan slips on them.
Help....I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up!!
Which Would Have Done Absolutely Nothing Except Hurt A Little And Be An Annoyance
Other things in Sullivan’s room turns on like the toy train, robots, soldiers, and tanks. Sullivan wonders what is going on as there are two Good Guy dolls who are having a conversation with their three sentences they can say like “Hi, My Name Is ?”, “Hey, Wanna Play?”, and “I Like To Be Hugged”. After turning them off, Sullivan turns around and is hit by the golf club by Chucky.
Chucky does his famous laugh and says “Don’t Fuck With the Chuck” as Sullivan realizes that the stories from Andy are true. Chucky then throws a dart at Sullivan which hits him in the lower back.
Yikes, That Will Hurt. Reminds Me Of The Time At One Of Those Games At Six Flags Great Adventure, I Accidentally Hit A Woman Close To Her Privates. Yeah….I Sucked At Throwing Darts.
Sullivan crawls over to his desk to try to get some help via the phone, but Chucky hits him in the hand with another dart.
Kent Military School To Be Exact
And while on the bus, we meet our new Andy.
After that conversation, we get introduced to the school’s barber, Sergeant Botnick.
I’m Not The One Who Made His Name Close To That Villain From Sonic The Hedgehog
Also Botnick here is played by Andrew Robinson and has a strange fetish of cutting people’s hairs with “oh yeah”s as he uses his razor to cut their hair. I’m not kidding when I say that it is rather awkward talking about this guy as he is your worst nightmare when getting a haircut. Made even awkward is the person he is doing this to is a kid.
That Kid Needs An Adult
That kid’s name is Tyler and he will be important to the story. After his haircut, Botnick says the line he says after every haircut.
Botnick: Presto….You’re Bald.
Andy then gets his haircut and Botnick explains that the Romans created the military haircut to keep their hair short so the enemy would not be able to grab their hair and slit their throats. Actually, that is factually without merit as the crew cut was first introduced in 1896 by the Yale Football Team because long hair was going out of style. In fact, crew cuts were only introduced first into the military in World War 2. But of course, what Botnick says sounds better and I’m not going to completely argue with the guy who more than likely gets his jollies off cutting your hair.
We also see the return of the commercials for the Good Guy dolls that scare Andy and fascinate Tyler.
I’m Pretty Sure The Enemy Can Still Grab That Hair, Botnick. You’re Slacking With Your Skills
While setting up, hears noises in the closet. When he opens, he finds another kid who has been bound and gagged.
By The Way, This Is Whitehurst With His Glasses, Which You Will See Him In Most Of The Film
Whitehurst also tells him that Shelton is a Cadet Lieutenant Colonel and is basically treated like god around here.
We then go outside where everyone is in formation and we meet Shelton.
Tyler goes to the mail room and is given a package to deliver to Andy, after being told that he still got no letters from his dad. The other kids knock over the package, which opens and reveals it is a Good Guy doll.
Tyler decides to be a brat and take the Good Guy for himself and hide in the Armory with it. He opens the package and Chucky bursts out of it.
But The Chucky’s Plans Change
You see since Chucky has a new body and he hasn’t told anyone about his little secret so Tyler might be a better fit for him than Andy. He then introduces himself and even says his real name is Charles Lee Ray. We then transition to the shooting range where Andy and De Silva talk for the first time. Andy sucks at shooting so De Silva tries to help him, but he still sucks. We also learn that De Silva also doesn’t like Shelton, but we get hints that she might like Andy.
Back at the armory, Chucky is introducing Tyler to the game of Hide The Soul.
Chris Hanson Needs To Be Somewhere
Anyway, Chucky starts doing his voodoo chant to try and get into Tyler’s body.
You Know, One Of These Times….Someone Might Want To Look At The Causes Of These Storm Clouds Popping Out Of No Where Because As Any Weather Person Would Tell You, That Doesn’t Happen That Quickly.
But they are interrupted by Colonel Cochrane who are not happy to see the kid playing with a doll as those are for girls so of course, despite the whole mail thing around…they decide to throw Chucky in the trash truck.
Of course, Andy seeing all of this and not doing his drills directly causes him to get guff from the bully known as Shelton. Andy tries to explain that he isn’t used to guns, which pissed Shelton as it is a rifle and he has one of his underlings do what rip off that Full Metal Jacket chant about your gun being your junk which is for fun while your rifle is for fun. Unfortunately for the kid given this, he sadly doesn’t have the awesomeness in saying that line as R. Lee Ermey does although you can forgive him for that since R. Lee Ermey is awesome in Full Metal Jacket.
Meanwhile, Chucky upon realizing he is in the trash truck and the back of the truck may crush him to death, starts screaming for help. Because of this, the truck driver stops the crushing machine (although for some reason does not turn the truck off). He goes to the back looking for the screams of help, but unfortunately…Chucky has gotten out of there and Chucky turns on the machine.
Chucky: Yeah, Just Think…Chucky’s Gonna Be A Bro.
Andy says that won’t happen and he starts to wrestle with the doll, but dickass Shelton comes into the room.
Andy sneaks into Shelton’s room to try to kill Chucky, but finds out that Chucky isn’t around. Shelton wakes up to see him in there and the doll not around, so Shelton is pissed. He believes Andy stole it and as punishment, he makes the entire squad do drills in the rain that night.
Chucky sneaks into Tyler’s room and tries to get him to play with him, but Tyler isn’t there and a note is left, telling Chucky to find him since he is it. Chucky finds Tyler in Cochrane’s office, but they are interrupted by De Silva and her friend, who themselves were sneaking into Cochrane’s room to find the file on Andy, since De Silva has a crush on him. They take Chucky and put lipstick on him, despite Tyler hating this.
Chucky: This Means War
Cochrane goes into his office and Chucky hides. Cochrane is concerned as obviously someone has snuck into his office and is checking to see what has been done. Cochrane sees Chucky and after scaring him for a second by saying he likes to be hugged, Cochrane throws him in the trash.
Bad Move, Colonel
Noise happens and Chucky is no longer there, which causes concern for our colonel. In what is easily the highlight of this movie, Chucky screams at Cochrane with his knife and Cochrane starts to have a heart attack. Chucky responds appropriately.
Chucky: Aw You’ve Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me
Cochrane falls into his war display and dies from the heart attack.
We then go to his body being carried away as Shelton mentions how he lived through two tours of Vietnam and he just drops dead, which doesn’t make any sense. But Andy knows the truth….that Chucky had something to do with his death.
The next morning at the mess hall for breakfast, they have a moment of silence for Cochrane. Also around the mess hall, that pervy barber is back. This time Botnick is grabbing people’s hair and if he can get a good grip on it, he wants to see you in his barber shop.
Knowing This Guy, He Probably Has Been Like Shawn Michaels And Thrown People Through Barber Shop Windows.
He grabs Whitehurst’s hair and wants to see him immediately after breakfast. Barkley gets up from his table to go speak to Tyler, but as he goes there, he gets tripped by another cadet and laughed at. After Shelton’s friend makes everyone shut up, Andy talks to Tyler. He tells him that Chucky is not a good person and must be stopped, but Tyler doesn’t believe him as he believes Andy is just jealous that Chucky wants him as a friend more than Barkley. We go to the barber shop.
While getting a haircut, Botnick insults Whitehurst and tells him he should just leave. Whitehurst remarks that he would if he had a choice, which causes the barber to graze him for being a smartass. He then says his line and Whitehurst leaves. He starts sweeping around the place and he finds Chucky. Unlike most people who would get the doll out of their site as fast as possible, our barber decides that he wants to cut Chucky’s hair. I’m not fucking kidding!
Botnick puts Chucky on the chair and goes to grab his electric razor.
I Don’t Know Which Guy I Would Rather Get A Haircut From. Pervy Botnick Or Brutus Beefcake With Garden Shears.
Unbeknownst to Botnick, Chucky grabs a straight razor and when Botnick gets close enough, Chucky slices his throat.
Even In Death, Botnick Looks Funny
Chucky even has a retort to Botnick’s old line.
Chucky: Presto…You’re Dead.
Botnick then falls into the chair as Chucky moves. Whitehurst comes back and is horrified at the scene.
Uh…This Is Awkward. How About We Just Keep This Between You And Me.
Whitehurst runs out screaming afterwards. Outside, we learn from the new commanding officer that today is the annual War Games.
Not Those War Games, Although That Would Be Entertaining As All Hell
Actually, it is much like Capture The Flag, but with guns that should paint in its bullets. Apparently this is something Cochrane enjoyed doing and he would probably want them to continue on despite his death. Shelton is put in command of the Blue Team while another higher up named Rawlings is put in command of the Red Team. Andy, De Silva, and Whitehurst are on the Blue Team while Tyler is on the Red Team. Whitehurst runs out of the building and despite Andy knowing he saw Chucky, he still claims he saw nothing.
Whitehurst…You Are Definitely Without A Shadow Of A Doubt Not Sgt. Schultz
While all of this is going on, Chucky decides to make things a little more dangerous as he replaces all the Red Team’s paintball ammunition with live rounds.
For those of you who know, congratulations….you know weapons. If not, the bottom line is there is no way a gun with paint of any kind would allow you to shoot live ammunition in that same gun so this film fails extra hard at knowing about guns.
So the War Games begin with the two teams separating to their own camp. That night, De Silva tells a campfire story that almost seems like the opening 15 minutes of When A Stranger Calls, with the boyfriend getting killed instead of the kids. Andy leaves because he can’t take these campfire tells and De Silva follows while her friend tells this true story about this mental institution that is nearby. You know, I’m not sure having mental institution nearby a military school is a good idea, but just wait as this gets worse. Because De Silva reveals that while they are doing their War Games, something else is nearby that is even more stupid.
A Carnival...I See No Way A Carnival Being Near Military Cadets With Rifles And Paint Bullet Guns (Or Real Bullets With The Red Team) Could Go Wrong. That’s Sarcasm Because I Can See A Million Ways This Can Go Wrong...Even Without A Killer Doll.
Also De Silva reveals her first name is Kristen. Chucky watches the two make out and now really wants a human body.
Chucky: Man, I Really Gotta Get Out Of This Body
The next scene they are back in camp and Andy reveals to Whitehurst he stole the map and that he is going to go find the Red Team so he can save Tyler. Whitehurst is not at all interested as he is too scared. Andy then sneaks out of camp with the map.
Back at camp, Shelton reveals that someone stole the map so he needs everyone out. He then finds out that Andy is missing thanks to him not being in the tent with Whitehurst and deduces that Andy stole the map so he can help the Red Team win.
Andy sneaks into camp to look for Tyler, but Tyler’s tent mate tells Andy that Tyler went out to play with Charles (aka Chucky). Shelton makes De Silva and her friend separate to gain more ground and tells them to radio in every five minutes. Tyler is with Chucky and after a few minutes of talking, Tyler realizes that Chucky is not the good guy he claims to be. Chucky wants Tyler to still do the Hide The Soul thing, but Tyler stabs him and runs off, trying to get help from Andy.
Andy gets caught by Shelton and his unit as Tyler comes to him. Shelton makes Tyler a POW while Chucky gets the jump on De Silva. Chucky calls into the radio and insults Shelton by calling him jarhead before telling him he wants to speak to Andy. He tells Andy that he has De Silva as a hostage and proposes a trade: her for Tyler. Chucky then calls Red Team to tell them that he has found Blue Team about and tells Red Team the positions. He then tells De Silva that he hopes Blue Team likes the taste of lead.
Andy tries to tell Shelton this guy is extremely dangerous, but Shelton says it is only paint before ordering Andy and Tyler to go ahead while everyone else surrounds them. At the meet, Chuck threatens everyone by pulling the pin off a grenade, threatening to blow everyone up. Now normally, this would mean the grenade is armed and should be thrown immediately, but there is another step to a grenade being armed is the clip and Chucky hasn’t pulled that part yet so the grenade won’t blow just yet.
The trade happens and Shelton’s troops come in for the ambush. Shelton is immediately shocked that Andy was right all along and Chucky is in fact alive. Chucky flips off Shelton and laughs at him. Shelton finds it funny though, but the fun ends as Red Team shows up and Shelton is shot dead.
Chucky laughs as Red Team continues firing and Blue Team figures out that they are using live rounds. While that is going on, Tyler sneaks away from Chucky. Red Team’s leader realizes they are using live rounds and they stop firing. Shelton’s friend blames his friend’s death on Andy and tackles him with De Silva trying to stop him. Chucky then pulls the clip and throws the now armed grenade. Whitehurst realizes this and puts his body on the grenade, which explodes and kills Whitehurst.
The friend of De Silva is extremely devastated by Whitehurst’s death, which would have made sense if you ever got ANY sense that the two had a relationship of any kind. Everyone else is shocked by the whole scenes as Andy decides to go after Chucky to save Tyler and stop any more deaths.
Tyler gets to the carnival and talks to one of the security people there. The security guard thinks he is lost and goes to call the military school, but has something in the Lost and Found for the kid to relax with.
Dun Dun Dun!!!!!
Andy and De Silva get to the carnival and head to the security tent, where they find the security guard dead.
They go to leave, but De Silva decides to grab his gun just in case.
We then go to Tyler with Chucky as Chucky has a gun to him. They head to scenery of the Devil’s Lair which Chucky finds the perfect place to transfer his soul. Andy and De Silva see them entering it so they follow. Tyler almost gets himself run over by the ride, but he is able to get out of the way. This separates Chucky from Tyler as Tyler hides in one of the pop up statues. Tyler continues to run as Andy and De Silva catch up with them, but Chucky shoots De Silva in the leg. Andy wraps a piece of cloth around her leg and De Silva gives Andy the gun so he can go on.
We are now at the red lighted part of the ride and Tyler gets stuck in a hole. Chucky gloats that Tyler is his now, but the scythe from the ride comes down and cuts part of Chucky’s face.
Tyler is able to get out of the hole and runs while Chucky recovers from his facial wound. Tyler climbs on a hanging dragon and gets off when it climbs all the way to the top of the skull mountain. Unfortunately for Tyler, Chucky hung on to the dragon and when Tyler gets off, Chucky knocks him out. Chucky then begins his incantation for the body transfer.
Andy comes in and sees a giant fan, which is teased several times as it is going to be used in someone’s death. Chucky is close to getting it done, but Andy interrupts with a shot from his gun, which decapitates Chucky’s arm. And yeah, this is where Andy’s training with De Silva’s gun pays off.
Chucky tries to continue with the chant, but he gets shot in the chest this time. Andy gets to the top, but is attacked by Chucky. Tyler almost falls off the mountain, but Andy catches on. As Tyler is dangling and Chucky is on Andy, yelling at him that Tyler is his. Tyler gives Andy a knife, which Andy uses to cut Chucky’s hand off.
With Chucky now having no grip on Andy, Andy is easily able to get Chucky off of him. Chucky falls into the fan and dies.
Andy saves Tyler and they leave as the park is closed and ambulances are there. De Silva is loaded to the ambulance as Andy will have to go with the cops. A janitor cleans up the park and the film ends. Roll credits.
This was actually planned to be it for Chucky, but after Scream became a huge hit, the writer Don Mancini and producers decided to bring Chucky back in Bride of Chucky. But this definitely would be the end of the films being called Child’s Play. The movie was given terrible reviews and was disappointing in the box office. Don Mancini considers it his least favorite film because as he said, he ran out of ideas after part 2. The movie actually became quite controversial in the UK with sensationalist garbage reporting connecting it to the murder case of two year old James Bulger as well as the murder case of sixteen year old Suzzanne Capers (I highly advise you not to look up what happened to the two as both are horrific and in the case of the James Bulger case, makes you really question the criminal justice system out there).
Justin Whalin (who played Andy Barkley and got some good reviews by fans) went on to 3 years later play Jimmy Olsen in the hit show Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. Perrey Reeves (who played De Silva) went on to play Ari Gold’s wife on Entourage 13 years later. Dakin Ackers (who played Col. Cochrane) went on to play another colonel in Stonewall for the True Grit remake 19 years later. Andrew Robinson (who played Botnick) is still going strong, but he has sort of retired from horror after 1994’s The Puppet Masters (nothing to do with the Charles Band films). Henry G. Sanders (who played a Major) went on to be Robert E in the hit TV show Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman. Brad Douriff is still doing strong in the industry and is still the only person to ever be the voice of Chucky, which considering the trend of remakes and getting new actors to play roles normally set for one guy, is really amazing. Sadly, we do have two deaths to report. Richard Marion (who played some guy named Patterson) died in 1999 of a heart attack 18 days after his 50th birthday. Peter Haskell (who played Sullivan) died at in 2010 of a heart attack at the age of 75.
As far as my opinion on this movie goes, I know this movie is bad….but yet every time I watch it, I still sort of enjoy it. In fact, because of hits hilarious awfulness, this is the Chucky movie that I have watched the most and I am going to be unpopular when I say this, I kind of like this film more than Bride of Chucky. Brad Douriff as Chucky owns every scene he is in, even when he makes a brief appearance like in that one scene where we get the kiss from Andy and De Silva. Justin Whalin (who played Andy) did a serviceable job as an actor given the tough job of playing a character played well by another actor as you really believed this character had PTSD from the Chucky encounters of the past. In fact, most of the cast does fine and Cochrane’s death is still my favorite Child’s Play death because it is so different from what you usually see and is a huge F*** You to critics who are tired of all the inventive ways to kill people in slasher movies. Seriously, there are critics who are mad at all the stabbings in SLASHER MOVIES. But yeah, to Cecil Trachtenberg of Good Bad Flicks (cheap plug), I really think you should do a video review of this film as it is definitely a bad film that is enjoyable.
Well, I did a poll last week for the next film to induct and on day one, we basically already had our winner in a landslide, which isn’t surprising as I figured that once I nominated the film (a request from someone), it would win and I would have to do it. It is a film that has been riffed on Rifftrax, is on the book So Bad, It’s Awesome, and has been mocked on countless number of review shows. So since I am never one who is shy about doing movies that almost everyone has already made fun.
Next Up Is The Induction Of Birdemic