Saturday, March 21, 2015

Monster Crap Inductee: Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)

Monster Crap Inductee: Leprechaun 4: In Space
Goosing, Dick Bursters, & Tranny With Nunchucks…Oh My, This Is Bad


Well, folks….for the last 2 years, March has been a perfect time for me to do an induction of a Leprechaun film and this year will be no different. But unlike last year where we did the best Leprechaun film of the series, the sequel to that film….is the worst Leprechaun film. Forget the 2014 GINO Award Winner Leprechaun: Origins because this is even worse than that pile of betrayal.

It’s really strange how this could happen. I mean, Leprechaun 4 has the return of star Warwick Davies and director Brian Trenchard-Smith. We also had Debbe Dunning and Miguel Nunez Jr. as well as Baywatch actress Rebecca Carlton, which is more people I know than with Leprechaun 3 and that film was awesome.

Then I Remember That Miguel Nunez Jr. Was Also In Street Fighter

So join with me and let’s find out how this all went wrong.

Well, It’s A Trimark Pictures Film So You Know What That Means….


And the first thing we get after that and a few names is…

The Laziest Title Sequence In All The Leprechaun Films

And we are already in outer space with CGI Asteroids that look like they could come from Star Fox for the Super Nintendo as more names are put up for the film. We are then introduced to our ship and….

I Think I May Have Seen Better Graphics On The Atari Jaguar

And we are then introduced to our characters loading up as if they are going to be in a gunfight, which they are as their boss comes in.

And He Is Credited As Metalhead (Although His Name Is Sgt. Hooker).

No, I Wish It Were That Metalhead.

By the way, the actor playing Metalhead’s most known role was as the Door Gunner in Full Metal Jacket.

He Was Killing Any Vietnamese Person He Saw

He also was originally supposed to be Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, but as we all know R. Lee Ermey went above and beyond to earn that role so here he finally gets to play the Sergeant in Metalhead.
He says that we are orbiting the planet of Ithacon and they are chasing an alien with the orders to search and destroy, since he has disrupted the Galactic Mining Operations to the turn of a billion dollars. Then this woman comes in after they are doing their war motto.

Her name is Dr. Tina Reeves and she is a new member of the crew, brought in by their top brass employer Dr. Mittenhand to collect samples of an alien life form. Metalhead is pissed by this and wants to talk to Dr. Mittenhand immediately. And this is Dr. Mittenhand.

Oh You Are Only Seeing His Head For The Big Reveal Of The Rest Of His Body Later On

He says that she is his personal assistant and they will see to it that she is protected at all times. Metalhead objects to this, but Mittenhand says that he has his orders and he suggests Metalhead follow them. After he leaves the monitor, Metalhead has his second in command Books get her ready for combat and also makes her his responsibility.

So they mount up and head to the planet where we see that Books is trying to force the suit on Tina while another guy named Sticks says he has to be gentle with newcomers.

He explains to Tina that the problem his friend is having is he has never had to put clothes on a woman before (and for some reason Sticks has). He sends Sticks off and some turbulence causes Books to fall on Tina, which he apologizes for.

Setting Up The Sexual Tension Already And We Aren’t Even Six Minutes Into This Film

We then meet this woman who has been chained up.

This is of course Princess Zarina and who has chained her up? Well, it is our Leprechaun.

So I’m sure you are wondering how this Leprechaun got into outer space and this film’s answer is………….Shut Up. Seriously, this is the only movie of these horror villains going into outer space that will not have any answer onto how he got there. He is just there and you will fucking deal with it, according to this film. Of course because of this, I feel like I have already missed part of the movie even though that part of the movie never was made.

He unchains her and sets up a table using a magic with food and wine. Zarina is of course impressed by his magic and does not do what most people would do and run. Meanwhile back on the ship, Metalhead gives a prayer about hoping we kill this ungodly son of a bitch and that the only wounds be flesh wounds. Tina asks Sticks what happened to Metalhead’s head and Sticks says that he went down in a shuttle during the last war and that took out half his skull. Despite that injury that should have easily killed him, he managed to carry a wounded marine 15 miles before he reached safety. Tina asks if the guy he carried on his back lived and Books says that yes he did, signaling that he was the wounded marine he saved.

Anyway, The Leprechaun reveals that he kidnapped the princess of Dominia because he wants her to marry him and become king after he kills the king. At first she is turned off by this idea of her marrying him, but he then offers her gold and riches beyond her wilds. He also mentions that her father gave all the riches to his subjects and she has had to live a life of rags because of it. Of course she then adds that she has hated that life and has been teased about it. So of course, she immediately agrees to marry the little imp.

The marines land on a planet that is all rocks with lighting striking all around them. Books sarcastically jokes about this really being a good vacation spot and Metalhead has seen worst, asking Books if he has ever been to Detroit.

Hey, I’ll Have You Know That Detroit At Least Has Robocop, Who Is More Awesome Than Any Of You Guys Are.

Tina asks Delores (the other female of the group) if she has ever been in combat before.

Delores tells her that she has been in combat lots of times and when asked about being afraid, she laughs and says of course she is afraid and that everyone here is afraid, but it just comes with the job. Delores then says that they fight better when they are a bit “goosed”. I had to look this up and apparently this means poking someone between the buttocks or pinch them in the butt checks. Apparently before battle, everyone pokes everyone else in the butthole or pinches their butts. I would honestly like to join this unit and I elect pinching instead of putting my finger up someone’s ass.

One of the marines (named Lucky) tries to recon the place and gets spooked by a rather disgusting creature so he shoots at it, letting both the Leprechaun and Zarina know they are there.

Zarina says that her father has found her and the Leprechaun asks if he has, will she go with him. Zarina then makes the selfish choice of saying the king is dead. Metalhead gets on Lucky for this stupid mistake and makes him go alone again to check out a passage way. Let’s just say that afterwards Lucky finds the gold and jewels the Leprechaun left on the table, but doesn’t live long enough to enjoy this.

Leprechaun Is Gonna Goose This Guy.

Indeed, Chris Rock From Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Indeed.

Guess Lucky Wasn’t So Lucky After All.

What???? It Was Low Hanging Fruit. I Had To Have It. You Were All Thinking The Same Thing!!!

Of course everyone hears Lucky die so they go into battle, except for Books and Tina (who Metalhead called Cupcake). The Leprechaun grabs a gun and starts shooting.

Say Hello To My Even Littler Friend!!

A shootout happens, which ends with one of the marines throwing a grenade. Since it is near Zarina and the Leprechaun seeing his meal ticket about to be dead, he goes all army and lays on it, sacrificing himself while the blast still knocks Zarina out.

The Marines celebrate this victory and Tina as well as others ask Books to give them a hand with Zarina.

Oh Come On, I’m Supposed To Be Doing The Terrible Jokes Here.

Metalhead tells the others to start packing up, by Kowalski says that since it is his kill, he gets to celebrate.

So He Of Course Decides To Urinate On The Corpse

Unfortunately for him, urinating on a Leprechaun is a bad idea as he uses some green stuff to go up the guy’s urethra.

Leprechaun Magic Works Like Those Little Fishies In The Amazon That Do The Same Thing.

It hurts Kowalski and Sticks jokes around, saying he would give him a round of applause, but it seems he already has The Clap. Look it up on your own time, just know it is a term for a sexually transmitted disease.

Hehehehehehehe………..I’m Still Alive And Now I’m Inside Kowalski.

They head back to their station and take Zarina to the infirmary to be looked at.

It’s There We Meet This Piss Ant Named Harold.

Tina reveals that this is the princess of Dominia and this rescue could help their relationship with the planet Dominia, who apparently this Galactic force is not on good terms with. Tina wants Harold to do a checkup on the princess, but Harold objects saying he doesn’t work for her. Tina says they will fight over who is in charge later. Books says you heard the later and grabs his shoulder, telling him to get to work. Harold then objects to being touched, unless of course Books means it.
Tina tells Books to never help her out with Harold again as she can take care of him. Books tells her to strip. Tina wants that term clarified and Books just says he wants the body armor before he joins the others. Meanwhile in cargo, Metalhead and Harold shrink the treasure so it can be easier to load and unload.

Harold says the shrink ray was invented by Dr. Mittenhand, who he calls a real genius. Mittenhand comes on the screen to thank Harold for that compliment. He then says he has told the base what they have found and their orders are to remain there until the mining crew and the appropriate equipment arrive. He says after that, they can return home. Metalhead objects to this the contract with Dr. Mittenhand for him and his group expire at midnight tonight. Mittenhand says he can arrange bonuses, but when Metalhead is still not happy, the bossy doctor says no one will leave this ship until he so says…..he means says so. After Mittenhand leaves, the little piss ant Harold says that he wouldn’t argue with Dr. Mittenhand……….ever.

At the space station’s dance room..

Which They Have A Disco Ball Too…Because That Is I Guess A Requirement For Dance Places

There we see Delores getting down with Kowalski while the other watch, drink, and give cat calls.

Oh And Let’s Not Forget Playing Dominoes Too.

Kowalski suggests to Delores they go somewhere private and she agrees, which the others bust on him for with that whole situation of peeing on the corpse and getting something from it. After they leave, the toast to nasty sex and the girls who will allow it and to Lucky, who died.

So the two lovebirds go to the hall to the waste disposal unit and start making out. And sadly no, we do not get to see Heidi from Home Improvement get naked here. I know a lot of you are probably very disappointed in that news.

But You Do Get To See Her In A Bra So I Guess That Will Have To Do.

Anyway, turns out Kowalski did contract something from that pissing on the Leprechaun because getting the dude aroused causes him to have the Leprechaun hatch out of his penis.

The Leprechaun says that he should have always worn a prophylactic.

Then The Leprechaun Does A Long Jump

Kowalski as you can imagine after something like that is pretty much dead. Delores tries to shoot the Leprechaun, but she sadly is too stressed out the shoot the little bastard.

Or She Is Too Intimidated By The Fact That The Leprechaun Also Produces A Gun And Talks Like John Wayne To Do Anything.

Actually, he shoots the gun out of her hand, but she had plenty of time to shoot him beforehand and she didn’t. She then runs away as the Leprechaun laughs. He then has a long speech about how they can kill him in many ways, but he will always come back as he is eternal.

Tina enters the dance room/bar for some reason and we get another moment of sexual tension between her and Books. Tina mentions that Zarina will be fine, but they won’t be able to save her hand though (remember this later).

The Leprechaun trips Delores and tries to strangle her, but she knees him in the balls (with cartoon sound effect) and punches him in the face as she continues to run off.

Leprechaun: First Dates Are Always The Hardest…..Oooooh

Delores runs to the others back in the dance room/bar and mentions that Kowalski is dead and the Leprechaun is still alive.

Back in the infirmary/lab (they don’t have many rooms with just one function), Harold sees that Zarina’s hand is regenerating.

Harold then tries to get a little fresh with her by lifting up her dress while unconscious. But guess who is there to save him from a potential molestation trial in Dominia.

Dr. Mittenhand The Cock Blocker

Harold is also amazed at her hand’s regeneration and Mittenhand judges him to be a naughty boy before revealing his plan to extract some of her DNA. Mittenhand also make sure that Harold keeps this development a secret for now.

The group finds Kowalski’s dead body and Metalhead wants to check in the Waste Disposal Unit for the Leprechaun, but Tina says he can’t and when he says they can do anything they want, she clarifies that they shouldn’t because that room is filled with flesh eating bacteria. Metal Head then tries to have another guy (the one named Mooch) go in there, but he is like “Oh hell no”, but Tina says he can only go in there with a protective suit on so…..that’s exactly what they do. She also wants to go, but Books says he is going instead.

So the two marines in protective suits go in and as you can imagine, things don’t go well. And by things not going well, I mean the Leprechaun (who also has a protective suit on) has a futuristic blade and cuts into Mooch’s suit.

Books tries to save him as they run to the exit, but the Leprechaun comes in and says that he wants the princess. Books shoots at him and the Leprechaun (realizing a bullet in the suit might also let in the flesh eating bacteria) decides to just leave. Books is able to get himself and Mooch into decontamination, but Mooch is well….

I’m Going To Guess That Mooch Didn’t Make It
The group now want to talk to Harold and Dr. Mittenhand. Mittenhand mentions that he is given to understand that the creature will let them live if they give him the princess and while the group is okay with that, Mittenhand says hell no. He says the princess is part of a very important scientific experiment and wants them to kill the Leprechaun. They plan on leaving, but Mittenhand shows himself.

 Well, We See Why He Wants Her DNA

Mittenhand then says there is a clause in the contract that says he has the power to extend their contract in case of an emergency. He then says that if they refuse his orders, they will be tried for mutiny and that is punishable by death. He then also adds that if they follow is orders and kill the Leprechaun, he will give them a bonus, which will be 100 times what they are being paid now. They also negotiate for 3% of whatever they get out of that mine as well. So yep….they are staying past their contract for more money. Metalhead finally says that if he loses any more men, Dr. Mittenhand’s ass is grass…if he even has an ass.

Out of that room, Metalhead has the group split up with Sticks and Danny taking the sub-levels, Books and Tina take the engine room and everything around it, while he and Delores take whatever else. The Leprechaun is listening and mentions how it seems a pity to pity to kill them, but he will. He then says this.

Leprechaun: The path to power is often soiled with innocent blood, and I will let nothing stop me from becoming king. I’ll have power and glory, and a beautiful queen to share it with. Share… Now there’s a word that lies crooked upon me. The very sound of it sends my teeth to grate and conjures up pictures of me gold being carted off to pay for feminine pleasures, leaving me with less than what I want, and what I want is everything. I’ll wed her, bed her, and bury her all in the same day. I wonder if her father will pay for the wedding AND the funeral.

Yep, so the Leprechaun’s new plan is to get with the princess, kill her father, and then kill her…all so he can become King of Dominia. He then goes to Sticks and Danny and uses his magic to screw up their locator. Danny then says to Sticks that they should just do nothing and wait until the others kill the creature to collect on their share of the reward. Sticks says no to his plan so Danny just says he isn’t taking any chances and is going to do nothing.

We get more scenes of Tina and Books having sexual tension. Oh and Books checking out Tina’s ass as she goes up the stairs. Back in the lab/infirmary, Harold tells Mittenhand that he has a sample of her blood. He mixes it with some of Mittenhand’s skin from his thumb and uses a ray to quick the regeneration. Of course, it reveals that a thumb is born.

CGI Thumbs Up

With Metalhead and Delores, Delores wonders if she is to blame for his death since she did get him hard. But Metalhead says that he would have wanted to go out that way. Look Metalhead, I know what you are trying to say about wanting to go out through sex, but a few problems here. 1) he never was able to have sex and 2) I think that idea is to have a heart attack while having sex with a hot woman and not dying from what basically was a chestbuster coming out of your junk. In fact, I think that is actually probably the worst way he would want to go as I’m sure that would be the worst way for any guy.

Back in the sublevels, we get some Miguel Nunez Jr. charm as he works well with the guy playing Danny.

Sticks: Lordy, Mr. Daniels, it sho’ be dark in here!
Danny: Laugh it up, wise guy. It won’t be funny when the little bastard shoves a laser up your ass.
Sticks: Oooh. A laser up my ass? Oh. Ohh. Come on feet, don’t fail me now! Oh. Oh come on, Mr. Daniels!
Danny: *mutters* Dick

Tina and Books’ locator spots the Leprechaun in the engine room, which means he only took out Danny & Sticks’ locator, which is stupid for the Leprechaun. Either that or they forgot that the Leprechaun took out the locator, which makes the filmmakers a bunch of forgetful morons to miss something like that. It might be just Sticks and Danny as Metalhead isn’t able to get into contact with them anyway, what with them being in the sublevels and all. Kind of imagine that the signal is quite terrible there. Books then tells Tina to go back as he waits for the others because she is not getting hurt under his watch. Tina then sexist-shames him into staying.

Oh then the Leprechaun uses magic to handcuff Books to a shelf.

The Leprechaun the reveals himself and says this.

Leprechaun: You’re busted, lad. Give me back the princess or I’ll barbecue your buns to a crisp.

Books tries to get Tina to leave, but again she refuses as she isn’t leaving him in this situation. Books finally shoots the handcuffs off (something he should have thought of beforehand). Books basically shoots a pipe down as they retreat. Yes, seriously the two who have the Leprechaun in trouble as he can’t get to them….retreat. The two then use a lift to bring themselves to higher ground. We then get more sexual tension as Books is carrying Tina. They meet up with Delores and Metalhead. Metalhead asks if they got him and Books said that he got away. LIAR!!!! You had him and you are the two that freaking ran. Books asks about Sticks and Danny, to which Metalhead says he doesn’t know, but they should be on their way.

We then go to Sticks and Danny who are still in the sub-levels, trying to get into contact with Metalhead, but still no good. Danny is now mad at Sticks for them being in the sub-levels. The Leprechaun’s laugh can be heard and Danny wonders what that is. The Leprechaun then taunts them from a vent he is hiding in and Danny decides to be a coward and run the other way, although to be fair…Books and Tina did the same thing. Of course the Leprechaun decides to go after the coward instead of the guy who wants to get him. It probably is also because Sticks is trapped because Danny decided to selfishly lock the door behind him.

The Leprechaun then shows up on the TV screen…

In A Construction Worker Attire

He then talks about safety in the workplace and cuts off several of his own fingers.

He then sets one of his severed fingers on fire while saying to watch out for naked flames.

He then does a supposed Shakespeare quote.

Leprechaun: As Shakespeare said, shit happens.

I Never Said That!!!

The Leprechaun continues to taunt Danny by singing “Danny Boy”. Danny tries to strike a deal with the Leprechaun saying he can do whatever he wants and he won’t care, as long as the Leprechaun lets him live (which Danny is lying about). The Leprechaun says he is okay with it, but doesn’t trust Danny so he wants to meet face to face). Danny is okay with it and the Leprechaun leads him to the pipes he is hiding in.

Danny is about to shoot the Leprechaun, but the Leprechaun actually led him into a trap where he hits a remote and drops a steel crate on the guy.

Back at Mittenhand’s special lab, they are drawing blood from the princess into some regular plastic bags.

Not Sure If This Is The Most Sanitary Way Of Doing This

Mittenhand then tells Harold to prepare the DNA as he has computed the formula for his regeneration. Harold of course tries to brown-nose his boss, but Mittenhand sees through his ass-kissing and just tells him to shut up and get to work. Mittenhand says that for years, he has dreamt of opportunities to rejoin the human race. He then tells Harold that he was once considered dashing.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes Is Laughing At That Statement

Mittenhand then talks about the experiment that crippled him. He planned on being the first ever computer with an organic structure and Harold asks if something went wrong. Mittenhand sarcastically says it all went according to plan before calling him a moron. He says now with Zarina’s DNA, he will recreate Mittenhand, rising from the ashes and standing triumphant to the world. He then finally says that he shall be beautiful.

Delores goes first into a catwalk to make sure the coast is clear, but as soon as she says it is, the Leprechaun uses his magic to lock the others out of it so it is Delores alone with the Leprechaun. So Delores shoots his head off.

I’m Not Even Going To Tease You With The Movie Being Over. You Know It Isn’t.

She of course gloats to Metalhead, saying that she got him and well….

Yeah, No….And Scott Hall Says “One More For The Good Guys”, Not You

So the Leprechaun grabs her and lifts her over the catwalk and now Delores is only hanging on from fingers.

The Leprechaun then jokingly asks if she likes hanging around and decides to play a game his mother told him called The Little Piggies. I don’t even think I need to tell you how he played it and the result as you know the end.

She Falls To Her Death

The group goes down to check on her, but it is obvious that she is dead.

Oh And Sticks Somehow Was Able To Conveniently Rejoin The Group

Delores does rise to just saying the dying words of “Kill Him” before officially being dead. This causes Tina to grab her gun and say to the others that they are going to kill the son of a bitch. Metalhead leaves last, saluting her before leaving.

Back to the secret lab, Harold is mixing a formula together. After finishing, he tells Mittenhand that it is ready. Outside, the Leprechaun is able to smell Zarina, leading him outside the lab. Harold and Mittenhand are interrupted by a doorbell ring (yes, his lab has a doorbell. I don’t know why either.). Harold goes to check on the monitor who it is and the Leprechaun decides to disguise himself as Tina.

As Tina, The Leprechaun tells Harold to let him in as “they” tore off all her clothes and do it before “they” come back. I would question who “they” is since I believe there is only one Leprechaun so unless she is talking about the other marines, which I would have big concerns over. But Harold, thinking himself the hero, does not question who “they” are and just opens the door. He looks for Tina and gets a pole to the balls.

The Leprechaun confronts Dr. Mittenhand and demands to know where Zarina is.

Dr. Mittenhand laughs off the fact that this Leprechaun is the monster and the Leprechaun does not like being made light of. He then laughs about the Leprechaun wanting to kill him, but the Leprechaun returns his insult by wondering which part of him lives. Mittenhand laughs at his insult and says to not let his appearance fool him, which the Leprechaun retorts that he was about to say the same thing. Harold comes in with the poll (that just so happens to be the futuristic switchblade from earlier). Mittenhand sees this and decides to delay the Leprechaun with conversation so Harold can stab him from behind.

Mittenhand says that the two can come to some sort of arrangement since they are both monsters and they are both greedy. The Leprechaun says that he wants what the doctor can’t give him, which is a throne as king, to have people to grovel at his feet, and to get some damn respect. Mittenhand yells that respect means nothing and fear is what makes the universe go round. He then says unfortunately, the Leprechaun won’t live long enough to frighten anyone. Harold then stabs the creature from behind.

But the Leprechaun screams for a minute, but doesn’t go down and just looks at Harold.

Oh You Are So Dead

He thanks Harold for returning it before force pushing him into the wall. He then flattens his head with a plate.

Okay….That Death Is Just Too Cartoony For Me To Buy In This Film. That Plate Shouldn’t Even Be Able To Do That….Unless The Leprechaun Universe Is In The Same Universe As The Looney Toons.
The Leprechaun turns around and says it is now Mittenhand’s turn.

Mittenhand Gulps At The Prospect

Back with the marines, they are still looking for the Leprechaun with their working locator. They find out that the Leprechaun is in the lab. They run to get him.

The Leprechaun plays Prince to her Sleeping Beauty and wakes Zarina up with a kiss. She looks at him and screams before realizing what is going on. She says that she had a dream that Mittenhand was draining his blood, which we see Mittenhand somehow has a ball gag in his mouth.

Zarina decides that she wants Mittenhand destroyed. The Leprechaun says he will of course do so, but he has something wonderful in store for him. The Leprechaun then makes a concoction, putting Zarina’s beaker of DNA in a blender and mixing it with a spider and a scorpion.

The Leprechaun then injects the new formula into Mittenhand’s hand.

Mittenhand has what looks like a seizure before falling as the Leprechaun and Zarina laugh. They realize the marines are coming and they enter. They demand that the two let the hostages go or they are dead meat. The Leprechaun responds by having a gun and starting a shootout. The Leprechaun is able to distract them with shooting a vial of acid onto Tina’s shirt as they get away. Tina wants to save Mittenhand, but Books tells her that he is way too gone to be saved so they leave. Sticks wants to grenade them, but Tina says they can’t as they will kill the Dominian Princess and that would look bad for their already troubled relationship with the planet.  Metalhead agrees and orders Sticks to stand down.

They enter the room and the princess wants them to kneel before her and leave the Leprechaun alone. But of course, this is just a ruse so the Leprechaun can use his magic to make Metalhead a hostage via dynamite wrapped up.

The Leprechaun says they need to back off before he blows Metalhead up. They take the hostage elsewhere which allows them to go other places and not be cornered now. Before they leave with the hostage though, Zarina shows her boobs and says to the marines that this is their fate. Before you all think their fate is having sex with her, we learn that on the planet Dominia, when a woman of royal blood shows you her breast, it is a death sentence. Hmm…..interesting way to learn you are going to die. Sticks then makes the joke about what part of her anatomy is she going to kill him with.

After leaving, we see that Mittenhand is no longer attached to his robotic body.

Hmm….A Precursor Of Things To Come

As they are taking Metalhead with them (who is under a spell so he can act like an obedient soldier), Zarina talks about her plans of returning home triumphant and sweep her father off the throne….and then they shall rule the world.

But first, she wants these “peasants” executed, maybe boiled in oil. But Leprechaun says leave it to him as he shall take care of it. They take Metalhead to the dance room/bar and the Leprechaun says they will show the marines what kind of man Metalhead really is. The marines enter the dance hall and why find out why the actor playing Metalhead got the part.

A Guy With A Drill Sergeant-Like Voice Who Has No Problem Acting Like A Woman

Yep….that tranny is Metalhead, turned into this person by the Leprechaun as entertainment so they can watch him fight the group. Zarina watching asks the Leprechaun why he would waste time with these people when someone could be collecting his gold. This irritates the Leprechaun who wants to know exactly where it is. She teases him, but eventually says it is in the cargo bay and the two leave the Metalhead Tranny to fight the marines while they head to the cargo bay. Of course as he leaves and she takes one peanut for the road, Zarina says that she will give him a splendid funeral, meaning she is also planning on killing him after they are married. Yep…both are using the other to rule over Dominia.

After Sticks punches Metalhead to hopefully get him back to sanity, we see that he tries to fight the spell put on him, but fails immediately and produces nunchuks to fight them.

Probably Another Reason This Actor Got The Role Or They Could Have Hired A Stunt Double For These Scenes.

Nevermind…It Is Him With The Nunchuks

Both Sticks and Tina want to put Metalhead out of his misery, but Books is against it as he owes the man his life. So Metalhead attacks Books with the nunchuks.

We then transition to someone waking up in a room and guess who it is.

It Is Mittenhand Turned Into A Scorpion/Spider/Human Hybrid Monstrosity

We go back to Tina who has had enough and decides to fight Metalhead Tranny herself.

And Despite Metalhead Calling Tina “Cupcake” All Those Times, Tina Kicks His Ass.

At the control room, Mittenhand talks about how due to interference, his experiment has gone awry with his brain slowly losing human perspective. He says he is no longer Mittenhand and is now Mittenspider.

I’ll Admit, This Is A Really Nice Effect

Back at the dance room/bar, Sticks is impressed by Tina and Books is as well. A gun appears for Metalhead Tranny and he grabs it and attacks them with it while exhibiting a complete split-personality due to the spell. Metalhead Tranny gives them a good fight, but ultimately his undoing is using his bayonet to stab Tina, but she moves and he hits a socket.

This Electrocutes Metalhead Tranny, Who Dies, Also Revealing That Metalhead Was A Cyborg All Along.

While heading to the cargo bay, Zarina wonders why the Leprechaun wants his gold so badly. He also sets the ship to self-destruct while muttering that Zarina is a bitch and Zarina muttering that the Leprechaun is a twat. After we find out that the self-destruct countdown is only twenty minutes, everyone realizes that they need to get off the ship. 

We get more small talk between Zarina and the Leprechaun about who gets to kill her father since more than likely, he will not be willing to give up the throne. This detonation also pisses off Mittenspider who attempts to stop it since he is actually in the control room, but ultimately turns into full monster before he is able to stop it. Now all Mittenspider wants is flies.

The Leprechaun sees the escape shuttle and puts a force field on the remaining shuttle so that no one is able to leave the station without him and Zarina.

Leprechaun Has Found The Ultimate Anti-Theft Security Device For His Vehicle: Magic!!!

He also mutters that Zarina is a ball-busting bitch, and Zarina sort of hears him and asks what he said. The Leprechaun immediately fibs his way out of this one by saying he said she will be rich when they find it.

The marines make a run for the shuttle, but are screwed when a door is locked and they can’t get in. The group decides to split up with Books and Tina going to the shuttle via the air ducts while Sticks tries to go to the control room and stop the self-destruction sequence. Tina tells Sticks that Mittenhand had a red book with the codes in the control room as she remembered Harold talking about it once. Sticks says that if for any reason he cannot crack it, they take off without him. Books refuses this and says we all go together or none of us go at all.

While looking for the Leprechaun’s gold, the two argue again and Zarina says that he isn’t the only wealthy suitor who has courted her and with her beauty, she can marry anyone she wants. The Leprechaun then says with a face like that and uses some magic to make her ugly.

Sticks gets to the control room and finds out the whole place is filled with webs. While sticks is looking for the codebook while also wondering what the hell happened in the control room, Mittenspider appears.

The Legit Reaction Deserved For Either Seeing Mittenspider Or Knowing You Have To Watch This Film.

Books and Tina get to where the shuttle is, but are unhappy to find the shuttle is surrounded by a force field. Books decides that they need to find the little bastard and see if he can remove it. The Leprechaun is completely mad that his gold has been shrunken to pebbles. Zarina scolds him for this tomfoolery and the Leprechaun finally shows Zarina the new face he gave her.

Never Try To Brag To An Individual About How Beautiful You Are While They Are Ugly…They Always Have Ways Of Turning The Tables On Your Narcissistic Ass.

The Leprechaun wants her to stop screaming so he hits her on the head, which knocks her out.

The Leprechaun: Finding Random Blunt Instruments Since 1993

He laughs as she is knocked out and turns her back to being beautiful because even he can’t stand the site of her ugliness.

Back in the control room, we find that Sticks has been webbed up with fleshy webbing.

He still tries to stop the self-destruction sequence because you know, Mittenspider just webbed him exactly where he was and didn’t even bother to move him. Books and Tina finally get to the cargo bay and confront the Leprechaun. They want him to neutralize the self-destruct sequence while also saying he can have the gold and the princess, but the Leprechaun still wants them dead so he produces a gun and starts another firefight.

Back in the control room, Sticks almost has the self-destruct sequence neutralized, but there is a password that is needed and our token black guy doesn’t know what that password is. He communicates with Books and Tina to tell them about the situation. Books says they need to get up there, but Tina wants to neutralize the Leprechaun first. She then has Books cover her as she goes in for the attack. Tina then accidentally turns on the shrink ray (which has been reversed) so the Leprechaun grows to monstrous size.

Dammit Tina

Books has a great quote for this situation.

Books: What did you shoot him with, Steroids???

Books then decides to give Tina a gun and send her to help Sticks while he tries to deal with the giant Leprechaun, which she freaking caused. The Leprechaun is all too happy about his new size. He even checks his privates and is happy to learn that apparently they have grown bigger as well. Books takes his shirt off and tries to fight the giant Leprechaun. Books tries to shoot him, but at this points, bullets don’t even phase the giant so Books runs.

Tina goes through the air duct, but is grabbed by Mittenspider, who wants to eat her. She shoots at him so she can get away. Mittenhand grabs Tina again and takes her pants off.

Of Course He Does

Back at the cargo bay, Books trips and is spotted by the Leprechaun who tries to squish him with his boot. The effects to make the Leprechaun huge I have to admit, are complete crap at times. Tina finally enters the control room and she has to deal with Mittenspider, who is already in the control room. After a brief struggle, Tina douses the monster with liquid nitrogen, freezing him.

She then shoots the creature, breaking him into pieces.

Back at the cargo bay, Books is still dealing with the giant Leprechaun as Zarina finally wakes up. Books tries to get her out of the room, but Zarina in her daze wants Books to carry her.

Meh…..Why Not?

Books makes Tina (who has now freed Sticks) open the outer cargo bay door. He gets Zarina into the hallway with him and traps the Leprechaun inside, who because of his size, can’t go after them. Tina finally opens the door and the Leprechaun is sucked into outer space.

In outer space, the Leprechaun breaks apart like any bionic person would without a suit due to the pressure.

With Some Of The Worst Effects I Have Seen For This Series.

Zarina laughs about his demise.

Zarina: The king is dead…..long live the Queen

Books joins Tina and Sticks in the control as they try to figure out the password. After much pondering and a slew of trial and error, they find out the password is “Wizard” and are able to shut off the self-destruct sequence at the last possible second.

They Celebrate

Books and Tina make out while Sticks is going to have to be content with being the third wheel. They make jokes about the Leprechaun being in a bunch of pieces as we get this final shot, which is I guess a way for the filmmakers to tell us the audience what they think.

That’s the end of the movie so let’s get to the aftermath. Obviously Warwick Davies did two more of these films (both in The Hood), before having the role taken from him so WWE Films can do a film with Hornswoggle. Brent Jasmer (who played Books) didn’t do much, other than 8 episodes of The Bold & The Beautiful (noticing a lot of actors in these Monster Crap films doing soap operas, wonder why). Jessica Collins (who played Tina) is on The Young & The Restless. Miguel Nunez Jr. (who played Sticks) was doing supporting roles until he got a starring role in a major motion picture (sadly that film was Juwanna Mann and he went back into cult status after that turd). Debbe Dunning (who played Delores) continued on Home Improvement until it’s end in 1997, got married to an American volleyball player and had two kids, and last I heard in 2004, was a spokesperson for a breast enlargement drink. Rick Peters (who played Mooch) was Dexter Morgan’s neighbor who might have had the hots for his wife in Season 4. And this may be a first for me with inducting a film not in the 2000s, but the cast and director of this film are still alive.

This film sucks, but not as bad as when I first remembered it. More that I think about it, Leprechaun Origins and Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood may have been worse films (both of which I thought were better films before re-watching this for this induction. There is some charm for this film that is definitely there with certain cast members. But this is still one of the worst films where a horror villain goes to outer space. Some things are supposed to be realistic (in this science fiction world) and then there is shit like with how that piss ant Harold die (by a fucking platter). There is also no explanation about how the Leprechaun fucking got there and that should happen with this film. Overall, this film is still a piece of crap and a complete downgrade from the last film.

So with that done, I wonder which film is next.

Well, Last Month You Inducted Batman Forever So Let’s Finish Off The Bad Batman Films With…

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