Saturday, March 22, 2014

Monster Crap Inductee: Leprechaun 3 (1995)

Monster Crap Inductee: Leprechaun 3
The Odds Are You Will Watch A Cheesy Film

1995

Well, it is March once again and like the last two Marches before, we are going into the cheesy world that is the Leprechaun series. This time of course, we are inducting Leprechaun 3. I have some really good news in this regard because I have noticed that the odd numbered Leprechaun films tend to be enjoyable while the even numbered ones seem to well…suck. It’s basically a reverse Star Trek film series.

Don’t get me wrong, Leprechaun 3, like all the Leprechaun films, isn’t a good movie on story-telling, but like Leprechaun, we are going to actually to have fun and not be annoyed, like in Leprechaun 2. Now while the last film had the Leprechaun in Los Angeles and you really could barely tell it was in Los Angeles. But in this film, Leprechaun is in the perfect place for him: Las Vegas.

 
Yes, the place where gold coins can be very much found, Las Vegas would be a perfect place for Leprechaun shenanigans. There could only be one place more perfect for a Leprechaun that I know of and sadly, my idea for the perfect place for a Leprechaun will never happen because my idea would be Leprechaun in Boston. Think about it. You can have our evil Leprechaun be at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, or kill people at a Boston Celtics game, or maybe we could have him run the Boston Marathon to chase his victim. Sadly, I have nothing more than a few kills for him so I could never get the idea to be a film since they are pretty much done with the Leprechaun series with Warwick Davis. Hey, it wouldn’t be my dream Leprechaun in Boston movie without Warwick Davis as the Leprechaun.

Now, like most of the Leprechaun films, there isn’t much information on the production of the film, but we can talk about a few of the actors. First we have Warwick Davies, who we all know his history so I don’t need to repeat it unless you haven’t read the other two Leprechaun inductions which in that case….track those down. I recommend the first one with information on Warwick Davis. But we also have John Gatins as the male lead. Wait….John Gatins?

 
Yes, John Gatins was in Pumpkinhead 2 as the younger Judge Dixon, who killed Tommy. I swear, I didn’t do these two films back to back knowing that John Gatins was in both of them. I only knew he was in both of them after I did the induction of Pumpkinhead 2. In fact, this was John Gatins next film after Pumpkinhead 2 so he already has the Monster Crap history there. Michael Callan is also in this film and is in one of my favorite Ray Harryhausen film (it was the first I saw).

Yep…He Was Herbert Brown In 1961’s Mysterious Island
But unfortunately, that film marked really the end of his career of note because he was mostly an actor in musicals and after the 60s, those were slowly dying. He would be stuck in comedies and guest-starring in sitcoms. He also had three failed marriages at this point so yeah, it sounds like someone who would be stuck doing a film like this.

Caroline Williams is also in this film and she had a resume of being in horror films. She was the lead in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and was Matty Crimmins, a nosey friend who met a choking end in The Stepfather 2: Make Room For Daddy. So her being in this film made perfect sense.

But there is also another guy who I should mention and that is Tom Dugan. Why should I mention him since there isn’t much about his past that is notable other than a few spots as an extra in a movie I have probably never heard of. Well later on, he would be in another film that has already been in Monster Crap.

Yep, He Played Chamberlain In Hellraiser: Bloodline

Oh and John DeMita would do some voices for the terrible Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Ian Gregory also was a Prison Chaplain in Pinocchio’s Revenge. Now that we have all the notable cast out of the way, let’s get to the film itself as we induct Leprechaun 3.

We start this film with…

Trimark Pictures!

RUN!!!

That joke will never get old for me. Anyway, we really start off this film with generic opening credits, but a creative opening title crawl.

See? Because We’re In Vegas, Baby

We then go to a small showing of the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas. An RV pulls up to a pawn shop (called The Pawn Place) and this guy walks in.

Kind Of Ironic This Guy Has A Lucky Tattoo On His Hand Considering He Has One Eye, One Leg, And A Hook For One Of His Hands

The guy goes to the pawnshop owner (a generic Indian stereotype) and says he needs money for gas.

 
The owner (whose name is Gupta) asks what is in the sack and the guy is more than happy to reveal what it is.

It’s A Stone Leprechaun

The guy says that it is a good luck charm and Gupta comments that he sees it is working very well. Gupta goes to look at the medallion, but the guy says whatever he does, don’t take off the medallion. Gupta says he won’t and gives the guy twenty dollars for the statue. Now, I may not know much about statues like this, but that thing is more than twenty dollars because I have looked online and the cheapest sculpture I could find was one for 39.95 (and that was just a sculpture of coral). Goddamn cheapskate pawn shop owner. The guy takes the twenty bucks and leaves in a hurry.

Gupta then does the thing the random guy warned him about and takes the medallion off the statue. Gupta looks at it through his magnifying glass and finds the thing is worth basically nothing. But unfortunately when he does that, the statue turns into the Leprechaun.


Gupta mocks how cheap the necklace is and turns around to find the statue gone.

 
He also finds on the table is a pot of legit gold.

 
Gupta sees this and is thrilled that he made the steal of the century, but then the Leprechaun shows up, grabs him, and bites a part of his ear off.

This Movie Of Course Would Be Two Years Before Mike Tyson Did The Same Thing To Evander Holyfield

Our Leprechaun Thinks Mike Tyson Stole His Move

Anyway, the Leprechaun talks about how Indian food is spicy. Gupta asks who he is and our green little friend says that he is a leprechaun and calls Gupta a greedy thief. He also says that for trying to steal his gold, he’ll be giving him some grief before hitting him in the leg with a shillelagh.

Our Leprechaun Also Doesn’t Like Finlay Is A Thief For Stealing His Moves As Well

He then takes Gupta’s shoe and says it’s a nice shoe and then bites his toe off.

 
The Leprechaun threatens to “whack him in the head a dozen times till he’s dead” before Gupta raises the medallion. Of course the Leprechaun hates this and backs away. Gupta realizes that the medallion is his weakness and the Leprechaun leaves with his gold, but of course he drops a shilling.

Of Course If You Remember Any Of The Leprechaun Movies, This Will Be A Problem For The Leprechaun.

Gupta locks him in the back room where the Leprechaun escaped to before saying that the Leprechaun and his gold belong to him.

Meanwhile, we meet our main character Scott McCoy (who is going off the college in LA), but is passing through Las Vegas on the way.

 
There he meets Tammy Larsen who he nearly runs over while being distracted by the glitz and glamour of Vegas.

 
Tammy of course has a busted car and needs to get to work as a magician’s apprentice and Scott is more than happy to give such an attractive lass a ride.

Meanwhile Gupta gets an disc ready to know some facts about Irish Folklure and Legends and what pops up is probably one of the best animations on the explanations of Leprechauns I ever have.

I’ve Seen Some Shitty Animation Before

This also helped by having a very fun voice over who explains all about Leprechauns. He explains that Leprechauns were believed to be once magical elves who got obsessed with riches and gold. Meanwhile, the Leprechaun counts his gold and realizes he only has 99 shillings.

He’s Pissed Now!!!

Scott takes Tammy to the Lucky Shamrock casino. As they drive, Scott wants to get in. Tammy is reluctant about this since Scott is underage to be allowed in a casino (you have to be 21 years old) and she really thinks Scott shouldn’t stay in Vegas long since Vegas has a way of latching onto a person, but is okay with the idea if Scott promises to just see the lobby and not gamble at all, which Scott agrees to. Of course, knowing the allure of Las Vegas in movies, he will be breaking that promise. She also is working for “The Great Fazio” who she says is a mediocre magician who couldn’t pull a rabbit out of a pet store. Scott also hits on Tammy saying maybe he can see her show and they can have dinner sometime, which Tammy says is a possibility if she is not busy.

Meanwhile back at the pawn shop, Gupta is loading his gun as the computer programs is still going. The Leprechaun also decides to hide his pot of gold in a safe using his magic. The computer program reveals that the Leprechaun’s power lies in his gold and he will use all his magic to protect it.

 
Gupta laughs and says that can his magic protect him from a gun. We also find out that potatoes are a Leprechauns favorite food. Gupta finds the shilling and goes to find the rest. The computer program goes on to say that if a person gets a Leprechauns gold, he has a wish for each shilling that he can use on anything (which Gupta could have used if he had heard this).

Anything!!

In the backroom, the Leprechaun uses his magic to have a statue shoot an arrow into Gupta’s arm.

 
The Leprechaun shows up and says to Gupta, “If you’re gonna linger, I’ll give ya the finger.” He then puts his finger in the barrel and blows the gun up when Gupta tries to shoot.

Ah, The Old “Finger In The Barrel” Trick

The Leprechaun tries to kill Gupta, but Gupta shoves the medallion into the green man’s lips which burn him and causes him spit out green blood.

 
Gupta uses this to escape back into the main room of the store with the medallion and the gold shilling.

Scott enters the casino and sees all the fun a casino has to offer.

You Might See This Actor (Rob McCary) In Future Monster Crap Inductions So Here He In An Uncredited Role As Father Bob.
In the stage, we meet two more characters in Fazio and Roulette dealer Loretta.

 
Loretta thinks that she can take Tammy’s role as assistant, but Fazio says she is too old and too fat to play his assistant. She says that she isn’t always going to look like this and Fazio jokes if she has found a fountain of youth or something. Loretta reveals that she has been saving money for plastic surgery and one of these days, she is going to walk into that door with everything packed in all the right places. Lazio reveals that she needs more than a boob job, she also needs a personality transplant. Tammy shows up in the outfit she will be wearing in the rest of this film.

And That Is Alright With Me

Fazio has an ego and says that since he is her teacher, she should always refer to him as “Great One”.

 
Wayne Gretzky And The Rock Do Not Approve

Fazio has an idea for a great trick by putting Tammy into a box and using a flamethrower to burn the box, while she is transported into another box.

Fazio (As A Mediocre Magician) Is Out Of His Damn Mind

It doesn’t help that with his bravado, he sets a table on fire which Tammy has to put out with a fire extinguisher. The casino boss Mitch shows up and tells Fazio that he is not doing that trick whatsoever.

 
Fazio tries to make him reconsider, saying that Tammy will have all the protection, but Mitch will not change his mind and he will not risk his future headliner (yeah, he has plans for Tammy) with this stunt. He also reveals that Fazio will not be on the main stage at this time since he is a shmuck. 

Afterwards Mitch tries to be the pervy casino owner by hitting on Tammy. He even mentions that she keeps playing hard-to-get with him when clearly she is has that “No, I am not into you. There is no playing hard-to-get about this” look.

 
After she does that, Mitch stops and says he saw that, which she just shrugs her shoulders. Meanwhile, Scott is very intrigued by the roulette table that is being run by Loretta. And like the idiot Scott is, he decides to cash the check that his parents gave him for his college tuition and housing so he can gamble.

You…Are…A…Dumbass

He goes to Mitch and asks where he can cash a check and Mitch asks if he is old enough to be in here. But like a sleazy casino owner, once he sees the check, he decides to not even bother with the earlier question and say the kid is old enough to be here by pointing him to the cashier.

We then meet Art and Tony.

 
Mitch apparently owes some money to Art and Tony is Art’s muscle. Tony has Art threaten Tony although the first thing Tony says is “Look Sharp, Be Sharp”, which Art corrects him with say the other thing and that is if Mitch doesn’t pay Art, Tony will kill him. Yeah, Tony is not smart. I guess I should mention that before that, Mitch asked what Art wanted to which Art responded.

Art: What do I want…I want brown hair, I want health insurance for all Americans, I want the Mets to get their shit together.

Well Art, I have great news for you. Wait 20 years and you might just get your health insurance wish for all Americans, no matter what crap comes with it as well. As far as the Mets getting their shit together wish however…yeah, you’re shit out of luck on that one.

Scott gets his chips and tries Roulette. We’ll go back to see how terrible he is at this, but we have to go back to the pawn shop. The Leprechaun comes up across the table from Gupta and asks if we can make a deal, but first he has to tell a joke.

Leprechaun: There was an old man of Madras, whose balls were made of brass. So in stormy weather, they both clang together and sparks flew out of his ass.

God bless you Leprechaun, I always love your jokes. And in fact, you will hear more rhyming humor as this induction goes on. Anyway, Gupta offers a deal that if he gives the Leprechaun the medallion, the Leprechaun will have to give him half his gold. The Leprechaun is kind of pissed off about this deal, but relents and says you have a deal, but first he wants to some faith from Gupta. Gupta gives him some faith by covering the medallion from a hat. However, this was all a ploy as the Leprechaun uses his magic to have a fishing pole reel away the medallion.

D.T.A.L.: Don’t Trust A Leprechaun

The Leprechaun then goes over there with his shillelagh and gives another quip before beating Gupta with the shillelagh and a baseball bat.

Leprechaun: I told ya a terrible lie and now you’re going to die!

Meanwhile back at the casino, Scott loses all his money.

Although If You Know Most Casinos, Of Course The Game Is Normally Rigged

Meanwhile, we also see Fazio do a show.

It’s Rather Lame And Even Fazio Knows It

In fact, Fazio does a trick where he teleports Tammy from one box to another, but the first time the trick doesn’t work so he tries again and it works the second time. Fazio mutters to Tammy about how she was late and Tammy explains that the trap door was jammed again. Fazio then explains that that’s what he gets for working in a dump like this because nothing works.

Back to the table, Loretta convinces him that he is due and tries to tell him to continue, except Scott has no more money. Loretta sees Scott’s watch and says that could be worth some money. Scott says his grandfather gave him the watch for graduation, but he agrees to pawn it and Loretta directs him to the pawn shop.

The Leprechaun tries to torture Gupta with the telephone coil around the neck to tell him where the shilling is, but Gupta ends up dying.

 
The Leprechaun is not happy that Gupta has died because now he will have to search for his shilling, which by the way is right on the computer keyboard, but he doesn’t see. In fact, Scott starts coming in so the Leprechaun has to hide.

Scott finds the body and uses the telephone to call the police about the murder. Scott places the phone on the keyboard and the computer program talking about the Leprechaun continues, this time saying that a Leprechaun is territorial and will never tolerate another Leprechaun crossing his boundaries.

 
Scott finds the shilling and wishes he was back in the casino on a winning streak. Suddenly Scott gets transported back to the Roulette table and of course he is on a winning streak.

 
Mitch comes in and asks Loretta what is going on. Loretta says she doesn’t know as she had the kid beat, but suddenly he starts coming back. Suddenly he uses the shilling to tell him where he needs to put his chips. He does so and he wins again. Mitch then tells her to win now or else. Loretta tries to use the cheat switch from under the table, but it breaks and Scott ends up winning again, becoming a millionaire. Mitch closes the table saying the wheel is broken and since he wants to somehow win back Scott’s money, he puts Scott up in one of his suites to encourage him to gamble again.

Meanwhile, the Leprechaun is now on the streets and he makes another rhyming joke.

Leprechaun: Ahhh… lovely golden palaces completely full of riches. I’ll rip ‘em off and rob ‘em blind, those dirty sons of bitches…

Tammy sees that Scott ended up gambling and scolds him, but Scott says that he won all this money. Tammy tells him to cash in his chips and go home, but Scott refuses, saying that he wants to share all his money with her. Loretta sees the two talking and becomes suspicious so she follows them.

Meanwhile, the Leprechaun encounters an Elvis impersonator.

 
They have an exchange talking about the Leprechaun liking Elvis’ suit, Elvis liking the Leprechaun’s shoes, the Leprechaun doing a very good impression, and Elvis gives him a tip about getting paid for it next time.

Yes, We Even Get The Two Posing

Leprechaun then sees Fazio making a stuffed rabbit appear out the box and of course the Leprechaun is not impressed. Fazio tries to make the bunny disappear, but the Leprechaun turns the stuffed rabbit into a pile of green dung.

Fazio Even Says “Oh Shit” After Seeing This

The Leprechaun laughs and comes up with this gem.

Leprechaun: A little token of my esteem. It is exactly what it seems. Made fresh daily at exactly 9:00. It comes from my shillelagh. You can keep it in a crock. Ha Ha.

Uh….

I Will Never Look At Finlay’s Shillelagh The Same Way Again..

While Scott gets on the elevator, Loretta runs into Fazio and she explains that Scott won a lot of money because the wheel was broken and she mentions that Scott was hanging with Tammy and has a gold coin that she wants. She offers that they’ll split the green, but she’ll keep the gold coin as a good luck charm. Fazio agrees, asking her what his room number is. Scott then goes to his room and asks for room service.

Meanwhile the Leprechaun plays Craps and does very well.


Art and Tony show up to make fun of the Leprechaun, something that he does not appreciate. They try to bully the Leprechaun away, but the Leprechaun puts a coin in Tony’s mouth, forcing him to swallow it, yanks his hand like a slot machine, and he starts spitting out coins.

 
The Leprechaun laughs about it being a slam and asks Art if he wants to try his luck. And Art, being smart decides to bail. The Leprechaun then has another gem of dialogue.

Leprechaun: This is my kind of place. Crooked and sleazy…stealing gold from humans is awfully easy. *Sniffs* Look out, Vegas! I’m takin’ over!

As Scott goes into the shower, Fazio comes into his room and searches through his bags for the cash and coin. He finds the gold coin, but gets found out by Scott. He throws some underwear at Scott, punches him in the stomach, and then runs off by throwing a small smoke bomb as part of his magic tricks.

Scott is about to follow, but the Leprechaun comes in with a tray from room service. He wants his gold shilling and even does a threat.

Leprechaun: I smell me gold shilling. Tell me where it is or there’ll be another killing.

Scott still doesn’t understand what is going on, but the Leprechaun bites him in the arm in an attempt to show that he is for real with his threats.

 
Scott stabs the Leprechaun in the forehead with a knife, getting some of his blood into the wound, and he then throws the leprechaun out of the window.

You Haven’t Had A Shitty Day In Vegas Until You Are Thrown Out A Window

Scott uses the phone to call for hotel security, saying a Leprechaun attacked him, and you can bet how the police took this one. Yeah, they hung up on his ass. Scott then realizes the coin is missing.

The Leprechaun wakes up from his fall and takes the knife out of his head. He even has a quip for that.

Leprechaun: Next time, I’ll Take The Elevator.

Scott tries to clean his cut and sees a strange image in the mirror.

Yes, It Is Himself As A Leprechaun

Of course it is just a short image so he sees himself as normal again…but this image is an omen of what is to come. Scott lies on the floor in pain.

Fazio goes to Loretta, saying that he was only able to get the gold coin. She takes the gold coin and says that it has powers. She tries to do the trick with the roulette, but it doesn’t work and Fazio tells her to find an appraiser to sell the coin and they will split the profit. She says that the coin has magic and Fazio has this line.

Fazio: Loretta…you want magic? Bend over…and I’ll pull a rabbit out of your ass.

Mitch chases Fazio out, telling him to get on the stage for his show, and he talks to Loretta. Mitch takes the coin, saying he will take that, saying he is going to keep this until he gets his money back. They get into an argument and somewhere along the way, Mitch mentions that he wishes he could get Tammy and true to the wish, Tammy starts hitting on him, saying she wants him.

 
Loretta is wondering if Tammy is sick while Mitch decides that he is going to take advantage of this opportunity and take Tammy to his room to have sex. After they leave, Loretta has this line.

Loretta: Mandatory drug testing for all employees….that’s it.

Loretta sees the two go up the elevator and sees Mitch flipping the coin, remembering that he made a wish to have Tammy so of course, she gets an idea to take the coin. In the elevator, we get jokes about Tammy liking her men tough and smacking Mitch around, which Mitch is okay with. Mitch, even if this relationship were real, I think you might need counseling to help after you suffered from Tammy’s domestic abuse. Mitch then for some reason sees her idea and throws himself into the walls, which Tammy approves of.

Meanwhile, Art and Tony are at the cashiers waiting for Mitch to give them their money and are kind of upset that Mitch is late. Of course, they also have a talk about Jockeys vs. boxers since Jockeys make Art feel like a sissy, but the boxers keep crawling up his butt. Then they talk about the annoyances of the types of socks. This scene honestly for the most part feels very random as if the two actors were told by the director to basically just improvise your lines and discuss anything.

So while Mitch and Tammy continue their pillow talk, Loretta sneaks into the room and steals the coin. This breaks Tammy out of her trance, but Mitch still thinks she wants him and tries to have sex. Tammy tells him to get off her, before finally kneeing him in the groin.

 
Mitch is not happy and tells Tammy that she is fired and finished in show business. This of course makes Tammy tear up as she leaves knowing that she has been used and now is being fired for not allowing herself to be used. The Leprechaun then shows up at the roulette wheel just to have this rhyme.

Leprechaun: Belongs to me, this gold I smell. Whoever’s got it is going to hell.

Scott finally wakes up from his pain and now has an insatiable appetite for potatoes.

Meanwhile, the Leprechaun has finally shown up in Mitch’s room after Mitch bemoans the fact that he was going to make Tammy a star while pouring himself some alcohol. It is then the Leprechaun decides to perform some magic on Mitch by conjuring up a woman on the TV who shows her breast to Mitch.

 
Scott is at the restaurant ordering different types of potatoes. The waitress asks if he wants anything else and Scott in his Leprechaun accent has a rhyme of his own.

Scott: There once was a lady of Totten, whose tastes grew perverted and rotten. She cared not for steaks or for pastries and cakes, but lived upon penis au gratin.

The waitress of course thinks he is doing a verse from a rock album, but we all know he is just being a leprechaun. As she leaves, Scott wonders what the hell he just said.

Meanwhile back at Mitch’s room, the naked woman comes out of the TV.

That’s October 1994’s Penthouse Pet of the Month

Pete, I swear to God, get out of this induction now or I will reconsider letting your prize for winning the Fantasy Football victory. Trust me, I will have no problem doing it for my sake.

Alright…I’m out of here.

Thank you. Anyway, the naked woman then starts to make out with Mitch. Back at the restaurant, Scott is wondering about Tammy and Loretta tells him that she is with Mitch, getting it on. Scott then decides to go and find Tammy. He also notices that the magician Fazio was the guy who broke into his room.

Mitch and the naked woman are still making out while the Leprechaun decides to appear on the TV as various TV characters mentioning Mitch.

Here He Is As A Lawyer Wanting You To Sue Someone

Here He Is As A Bible Thumping TV Minister

And Here He Is As A Fortune Teller (a la the scam that was Miss Cleo)

Scott runs into Tammy talking about what Mitch did to her and how now she is without a job. Scott decides that Mitch can’t do this sleazy thing and he will help her confront Mitch over his actions.

Mitch then finds out to late that the person on the TV was talking about him as the naked woman restrains him on the bed and turns into a robot.

 
The Leprechaun appears telling Mitch, “You’ll will get what is due when he electrocute you.” The robot woman then starts electrocuting him. Unfortunately, I can’t show you any of this since the robot woman has easily seen tits. Tammy thanks Scott for standing up for her as they enter the room and I can show you Mitch’s electrocuted corpse that they discover.

 
The Leprechaun comes in and asks for his shilling. Tammy doesn’t understand what is going on and Scott throws a small paperweight at the Leprechaun. They leave as Art and Tony barge in, wanting their money. They find the Leprechaun and are not happy to see Mitch dead. The Leprechaun responds to their anger by using the pointy end of his shillelagh to gouge out one of Tony’s eyes.

Art’s Face Seeing This Is Priceless

He then beats Art to death with the shillelagh.

 
Of course before that, Art asks the Leprechaun what Judy Garland was like. Okay….that was an odd Wizard of Oz reference there…

Anyway, the Leprechaun sees that he has killed two more people and says this.

Leprechaun: Ah, they should have been willing to give me my shilling, but I have done well by sending them to hell.

In the parking lot, Tammy wonders what they will do and Scott’s face starts changing.

 
Scott remembers that this all started at the pawn shop so the two of them go there to get answers. The Leprechaun, still in Mitch’s room, says that he smells his shilling and the fragrance of a lady’s perfume.

We then go to Loretta’s room and I just want you all to know that the long hair and the fat body are just makeup effects because Loretta wishes she were beautiful again and we see how the actress playing her really looks.

 
Loretta goes to Fazio’s office and Fazio amazed by how attractive Loretta looks now. Loretta reveals that the coin does have magic and allows the user to be granted a wish. She even says that she wishes she was a man so she could just screw herself to the floor. But since that doesn’t happen, you can guess that means one wish per shilling. This will come back to bite someone in the ass later. Of course, Fazio turns out to be the low life that we all know he is by stealing the coin so he can make his wish.

After he leaves, I’m guessing that that someone didn’t want to have to do the makeup again because unlike the other wishes, Loretta does not turn back to her usual self. Lazio then wishes that he was the greatest magician in the world and he of course, gets that wish.

 
Loretta then gets greeted by the Leprechaun.

 
The Leprechaun then goes for more rhymes after introducing himself to Loretta.

Leprechaun: Your boobs are big. Your butt is small. But you’re still in for quite a fall.

When Loretta doesn’t understand what he is talking about, the Leprechaun continues.

Leprechaun: Oh, well didn’t ya hear? Bigger is good, but jumbo is dear. I’ll give ya boobs that’ll come out to here.

And then he makes her breasts grow.

Meh….I’ve Seen People Out And About With Bigger Boobs.

The Leprechaun then continues with a rhyme about her lips.

Leprechaun: Ah…those delightful lips. They’ll get you some tips. But what about these? Are they big enough to please?

He then makes her lips grow.

Duck Lips….Woohoo

The Leprechaun then rhymes about her butt,

Leprechaun: Ah, what a delightful little slut. But what about your butt?

And he makes her butt huge.

A Butt Kim Kardashian And Jennifer Lopez Would Be Amazed By

Everything keeps growing and Loretta tries to escape, but her body parts are too huge to fit through the door. The Leprechaun grabs an umbrella as Loretta explodes.

 
The Leprechaun finishes with this rhyme.

Leprechaun: Now that was quite a load to have to explode. What a lovely lass, I had to blow up your as, but now I must hit the road.

Scott and Tammy sneak in through the back window and shows where he found the poor guy laying. He goes on the computer and looks up what was on the computer. The computer reveals that if you destroy the gold, you destroy the Leprechaun. It then says that mortals can never resist the power of gold. To them, being rich is more important than what needs to be done. Tammy then says that once we find that gold, we are getting rid of it. Scott then goes back to his accent and disagrees on getting rid of the gold. Tammy examines the medallion, but when Scott sees it, he starts suffering from pain. Tammy wants to get Scott to a doctor, but Scott says he can’t because there is something he needs or wants, but does not know. Scott then asks Tammy to leave him, but Tammy refuses.

The two examine the backroom with flashlights as the Leprechaun leaves the casino. Scott smells something and finds the gold. Tammy wants to destroy it, but Scott is being controlled by his leprechaun side and refuses to allow it to happen. He starts threatening her and she slaps him out of his leprechaun half. He asks what happened and Tammy doesn’t know, but warns him not to allow it to happen again as he is scaring her to death. Enter the Leprechaun with an axe.

 
The Leprechaun then identifies Scott as a Leprechaun and he thinks two Leprechauns is one too many. Tammy tells Scott to wish the Leprechaun dead and Scott does so, which doesn’t work. Yeah, you see…as the Leprechaun said.

Leprechaun: You silly little twit, have you forgotten the charm? A leprechaun’s gold can do him no harm.

The Leprechaun uses his magic to knock the two over and goes at Scott with his axe and this rhyme.

Leprechaun: So….for pulling this trick, I’ll chop off your dick.

And the Leprechaun just barely misses. Scott throws away the shilling that they grabbed and the Leprechaun goes after it, allowing Tammy to throw a baseball at the Leprechaun which knocks him down. Scott mentions that what she just did was a nice pitch and Tammy reveals that she pitches for the Vegas All-Stars. They then escape as the Leprechaun is reeling from that pitch. Tammy also takes the medallion just in case.

Tammy takes Scott to the hospital after Scott feels some more pain from his transformation. At the hospital, the attendant is too busy on the damn phone to help them. Tammy doesn’t like the bureaucratic crap from the attendant and gets an actual doctor to look at the bite. The doctor doesn’t like the look of the bite as she calls for a gurney immediately and has him taken to Isolation. Tammy wants to go with Scott, but the doctor says that no one is going to be allowed with him until they know what is going on. We then see a bit scene where the Leprechaun is trying to hitchhike. Of course all the cars pass him so the Leprechaun keeps flipping them off.

Back at isolation, they cut open his shirt and looking at how his stomach is all messed up, they think he might have some fungal infection and get him on some antibiotics. And somehow the Leprechaun gets into the hospital and easily is able to find a doctor’s suit his size.

If You Have Ever Heard Me Say To Unexplainable Things “Because Fucking Leprechauns, I Don’t Know”, Random Stuff Like This Is Exactly Why I Came Up With That Line.

At isolation, the doctor tells him that the question he is going to ask is the difference between living and dying and the question is: does he have health insurance? Scott then asks if they take Green Cross.

Green Cross….For Leprechauns, Not Profit

While waiting, Tammy gets called on the PA system to the morgue and she goes fearing the worst. Tammy honey, if your friend Scott died, a doctor would be outside to tell you that he has passed. If you are just getting called to the morgue, you shouldn’t think the worst. Oh and don’t go because you know that is the Leprechaun’s voice.

Back at isolation, the doctors draw blood and they find it green, which perplexes them.

 
The doctor then asks for the results of the encephalogram, which is what monitors your brain activity and this is what he gets.

 
He then asks for an EKG, which monitors his heart and he gets this.

 
The doctor asks if this is some kind of joke and if it is, he does not find it amusing. The doctors go through his insurance and seeing the cash, realize that this guy might not need health insurance. The doctors decide to go with every test, starting with those that begin with the letter A because this guy can afford it.

 
Tammy goes to the morgue and finds the mortician dead.

 
Tammy screams and runs, but finds that the Leprechaun was hiding under the sheet.

Fab-u-lous…
The Leprechaun then uses his magic to tie Tammy to the autopsy table. We get this dialogue.

Tammy: Let me go, you son of a bitch!
Leprechaun: Now that is no way to talk about me mother, bless her greedy soul.

Scott uses his magic to cut himself loose and then uses his magic to knockout the doctors. Scott takes back his money and sniffs, coming back with this quote.

Scott: What’s that I smell? Could it be me brother from hell?

Scott saves Tammy from the Leprechaun slicing up her face and they escape from the hospital. In this battle of rhymes, there is a whole lot to choose so I’ll basically do the whole scene.

*Scott barges into room*
Scott: Cut her nose and I’ll hack off your toes.
*Leprechaun stop and goes towards Scott, while riding a gurney.*
Scott: Back off, you renegade before I make you eat that blade.
Leprechaun: Power to power. You have much to learn. Taller or shorter, I’ll make you burn.
*Leprechaun sets the floor in front of Scott on fire*
Leprechaun: Now where’s me shilling?
Scott: Fazio’s the one with your shilling. It’s him you should be killing.
Leprechaun: Fazio’s magic, pathetic and lame, will soon turn tragic and me shilling I’ll claim.

The Leprechaun laughs as Scott yells, removing Tammy’s restraints. Tammy tells the Leprechaun to leave him alone since he got what he wanted and the Leprechaun disagrees.

Leprechaun: No, me dear, you shall not pass. I’ll raise me boot and kick your a...

But before he can finish that quote, Tammy shows the medallion which pushes the Leprechaun back. The Leprechaun gurney surfs away, but not before giving Tammy the bird.

Somewhere, An Old Man Is Like “Damn Kids And Their Gurney Surfing.”

Back at the casino, Fazio does his show and his magic becomes really good. He even does The Burning Beauty routine with a member from the audience that he wanted to do before with Tammy and he isn’t able to get it started because out of the box that is supposed to be burned enters the Leprechaun.

Maybe The Leprechaun Has A Case Of The Saturday Night Fever

Fazio is confused by the Leprechaun showing up. The Leprechaun offers to take the coin back with no harm coming to Fazio, but Fazio says it will be a cold day in hell before he gives up the coin and tells the Leprechaun to beat it before he calls security. The Leprechaun is none too pleased.

Leprechaun: You’re making a mistake. As a magician, you’re a pathetic flake.

The Leprechaun then does some magic that encases Fazio in the box that the Leprechaun was just in. The Leprechaun then grabs a chainsaw and is planning on sawing Fazio in half, with the audience still believing this to be a magic show so they don’t help him at all. Fazio then has the coin in his hand and wishes he was in Caesar’s Palace, but the Leprechaun says that he already had his wish and he won’t be able to get out of this one. The Leprechaun then starts sawing Fazio in half.

 
The audience then starts noticing the blood and realizes that this is not an illusion as they are legit seeing a man get sawed in half. Fazio’s last words are “Caesar’s Palace” before he dies and the Leprechaun shows off what he has done.

 
The audience screams and flees in terror as Scott and Tammy arrive for the final showdown. Tammy grabs the shilling and tries to make a wish, but the Leprechaun uses his magic to silence her and undresses her of the jacket and medallion too. He is about to peel off her face “like a grape”, but Scott tells him to hold it as he has a flamethrower. The Leprechaun, realizing what Scott is going to do, tries to negotiate by saying he will share the gold. Of course, Scott’s Leprechaun half actually starts thinking about the offer, but Tammy tells him to burn it which wakes Scott back to normal and he burns the pot of gold. 

 
To be fair, the Leprechaun can only blame himself for this because he did summon the pot of gold there to try and entice Scott. Anyway, this causes the Leprechaun to start flying and burn as well.

 
The Leprechaun falls and we get a very gory corpse.

 
Scott turns back to normal and Tammy kisses him.

 
The two leave the casino, but Tammy reveals the shilling. Tammy says that she and Scott can have anything they want. Scott says it is Tammy’s call since he did use his wish already so Tammy decides that they don’t need the coin and they go off together.

What An Interesting Story He Will Have For His Parents On How They Met And How He Spent All Their College Money In Vegas. Yeah….That Will Be A Story Indeed.

The film ends with Scott quoting Casablanca saying that this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

The film was released to VHS and on while it may have a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, that is only based on 5 reviews who actually decided they must talk about their feelings on this straight-to-video release. However of the Leprechaun films, it is the highest rated on IMDB with a 4.5/10 so while critics may see it as any other Leprechaun sequel (seriously….only the first one and the last two don’t have a 0%) the average fan actually found more enjoyment out of it. Warrick Davis would later say that this was his favorite of the series because he liked the humor in it. Describing it, he said “I think it tapped into the potential of bringing a comedic element to it all. And Brian Trenchard-Smith, who directed this one, is an incredible director. He manages to get so much out of so little money, and that was what was great about working with him. He really got the humor.”

Here is the aftermath of the film for the cast and crew.
·         Warrick Davis (who played the Leprechaun) would return in Leprechaun 4: In Space along with director Brian Trenchard-Smith (we’ll get into that film next year).
·         John Gatins (who played Scott), like last time, became a pretty decent screenwriter (although his latest film Need For Speed got panned).
·         Lee Armstrong (who played Tammy) quit acting after this film and worked as an intern on the Howard Stern Show (I don’t know what she is doing today). I really would love to know what happened with Lee and what happened to cause her to quit acting after this film because I really liked her in this and found her to be beautiful.
·         John DeMita (who played Fazio) does voice acting now, being in several Disney dubs of Miyazaki films as well as roles in Naruto and Naruto Shippuden.
·         Michael Callan (who played Mitch) has basically retired from acting and is now for the most part in the convention circuit.
·         Caroline Williams (who played Loretta) did guest appearances on TV shows until 2009 when she returned to horror to do Halloween II and Hatchet 3.
·         Leigh-Allyn Baker (who played the waitress who served Scott the potatoes) went on to play Amy Duncan in the Disney TV show Good Luck Charlie.
·         Heidi Staley (who played the girl that came out of the TV) went on to do some porn that I’m sure Porno Pete has seen.

My opinion of this film is this is the best of the Leprechaun films. The humor was good and we got someone who could play really well off the Leprechaun himself as most of these films feel like they are just there (including Jennifer Aniston). It really shows that the cast was having fun and I always appreciate that in a film. The effects were also great so overall, this may be one of my favorite inductions because I was able get a lot out of it. It is really good to do this film because I know next year, we will not be having that fun with Leprechaun 4: In Space.

Well, now that we are done with that, I guess I should expect NegaSeth to come here and give me the next induction and try to say some crap in three…two…

*DVD gets thrown at Seth with a note.*

What the hell was that about? So let’s read this note.

Dear Waste Of Space,
I don’t feel like giving you any crap. I kind of enjoy my vacation and I’m not going to waste a single breath announcing what film you will be inducting next month so I decided to give you this note that I only wasted ink writing, just tape it to the DVD, and throw it through some wormhole that I know will hit you in the head. Happy hunting…
Signed,
You Know Who…

Hmm…that was interesting way to send this to me although I don’t appreciate getting hit in the head with the damn DVD so let’s see what the next induction is.

Yeah....Looking At These Guys Faces, I Don't Think I Want To "Play" With These Guys.

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