Monster Crap Inductee: Red One (2024 GINO Award Winner)

Monster Crap Inductee: Red One

Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s Ego Deserves Coal For This Crap

2024 GINO Award Winner

Well, the year is almost over, but I have one more induction to do before I call it a year. And for this final induction of 2025, I am going to induct a film you all wanted me to induct back in January when it won the 2024 GINO Award for worst movie with a monster. Since it is a Christmas movie, I decided to wait until now to get to it. So let’s talk about Red One.

You may all remember Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson from his starring role in the movie Doom that we inducted.

Well, he has a production company called Seven Bucks Production (based off the idea that after he came home from getting cut from the CFL, he only had seven bucks on him) which he and his ex-wife (who he is still rather great friends with) started, and in that company, his ex-brother in law Hiram conceived of an idea of a movie that deals with elves having a unit that protects Santa Clause himself. Dwayne of course would take the lead role and also $50 million dollars (which would be a good sum of the movie budget that finally went up to 250 million). Now while that is what you may expect the Dwayne to make considering at the time he was one of the most in-demand actors at the time of filming in 2022, but by the time 2024 has come, it wasn’t a great thing as Dwayne had a bunch of flops following him like Black Adam and Jungle Cruise.

Black Adam Being Very Notable Because Dwayne Seemed To Have The Ego To Think An Anti-Hero Who Originally Started Off As A Villain To Shazam Was Big Enough To Be In The Same Light As Superman In His Plans For The Future DCU (The Movie Bombed So Those Thoughts Were Dashed Quickly).

Also joining the cast is Chris Evans.

Who Most People Will Know As Captain America From The Marvel Cinematic Universe And Chris Has Been Trying To Get Away From Being Type Cast As That Guy Since His Last MCU Appearance In 2019.

We also got Lucy Liu (who you may know as one of the three members of Charlie’s Angels in those 2000 films directed by McG), Mary Elizabeth Elis (who you may know from roles in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, The New Girl, and Santa Clarita Diet), Bonnie Hunt, and Academy Award Winner J. K. Simmon.

He’s Gonna Want More Pictures Of Spiderman (Not The Role He Won The Oscar For As That Was For Whiplash)

Comedy actor Nick Kroll is also in it as is Kritsoffer Hivju.

You May Know Him From Tormund Giantsbane in Game Of Thrones.

But as you can gather from filming starting in 2022, this film took a bit of time to be released (being released in November 2024) and that was because of delays in filming and release delays from the studio being weary of its bloated budget because of the delays. Those filming delays of course are because Dwayne had that ego and decided he would be 8-9 hours late for filming as well as missing several days of filming.

Besides the Rock, there was other Monster Crap alumni in this film. Kristoffer Hivju was a security officer in After Earth and The Thing prequel

Oh Great….We Also Get A Guy Who Is In Three GINO Award Winning Films. Sorry Kristoffer, You Have Terrible Luck.

Kiernan Shipka was in that terrible Will Farrell Land Of The Lost Film

She Was One Of The Kids In This Room

And Marti Matulis was in Studio 666 and Land Of The Lost

You May Only See The Back Of His Head, But It’s Him As The Creepy Caretaker

He Was Also One Of The Sleestak In Land Of The Lost

With that all out of the way, let’s waste no more time and let’s get to talking about what goes on in the movie.

We begin at a Christmas Family Get-Together where we follow this kid named Jack O’Malley.

He shows the closet full of presents to the other kids as part of the bet to prove there is no Santa Claus and they are getting played by their parents. Jack reveals he can find anyone anywhere, except for his father. Uncle Rick sees Jack has revealed the presents and has a talk with him, basically saying while those are presents, they aren’t Santa’s presents.

Jack does not believe any of this, but Uncle Rick says he should go to bed or he will be on the naughty list and Jack doesn’t really care. Then we go to Jack eating the cookies and drinking the milk left for Santa.

Little Asshole….

Then we go to 30 years later at a Starbucks and if you think Jack works there, you are wrong as he shows up to steal a cup of coffee. He also steals a newspaper from a random guy

And Is Now Chris Evans

He makes a phone call to a guy named Lenny, who is his bookie who he has been late in paying yet. He basically meets an attractive woman in her yoga class and if you think he is going to hit on her, you are wrong again as he actually causes a fire as a distraction so he can steal her ID card to enter the building she works at.

He enters into the seismic investigation room with the ID and finds a way to put a monitoring device in some of the fiber optic wiring and then leaves. Does he give back the ID after he is done? No….he throws that in the trash. And then to show how much of an asshole this guy is, he steals candy from a baby.

And Yes, This Is One Of The Heroes Of This Film. Merry Christmas, You’re Supposed To Side With An Asshole.

Then we get the title card to this film.

We then go to a mall where everyone is arguing and we have a mall Santa.

But It Is Actually The Real Santa Pretending To Be A Mall Santa.

Now this is not the first time JK Simmons has played a version of Santa as he also did the voice of the woodsman named Klaus in the movie Klaus.

Which Is A Damn Good Christmas Movie If You Have Not Seen It Yet

He is being followed by his number one bodyguard and head of the ELF (Enforcement, Logistics, & Fortification) Callum Drift.

That Sadly Is Not The Worst Name Of A Character I Have Ever Heard….Lest I Forget The Guy Named Cypher Raige.

Callum here is looking at a kid stealing candy canes, people pushing and shoving, and a guy who is stealing scented candles. Kids come up and the mom gives Santa a jar of cookies, but Callum takes it to investigate and says it is chocolate chip and Snickerdoodle, the latter of which Santa loves. Santa wants to talk to the kids (two of who made the cookies), but an obnoxious social media influencer named Beef Stew butts in so he can get Santa to wear a T-Shirt supporting him.

Callum tries to get him to not be such an asshole and eventually gets him to back down so Santa can hang with the kids. Santa here tells Callum that he appreciates what he did in dealing with Beef Stew. We see that Santa does these special appearances so he can get out and actually talk to the kids instead of being holed away in the North Pole. We then find out that after this Christmas, Callum is retiring as he is losing the spirit of Christmas himself and doesn’t feel he can do his best as Santa’s bodyguard without it. The two then leave in a car and we see they have secret clearance to fly back to the North Pole via his sled, which was hiding in a bunker.

Yep….All The World’s Governments Work With Santa And His Crew.

And then we find out that Santa’s code name is Red One, which is why this movie is called that. Santa flies and we learn that Santa has hyper speed in his sled.

Meanwhile, we see Jack following the seismic activity and also watches the boxer he bet on lose so he is more in debt to the bookie. He gets money for sending the coordinates to the mysterious voice he is working for. Back with Santa and Callum, we get to see that Red One has ripped off Black Panther in that Santa’s Workshop in the North Pole is like Wakanda in being a cloaked city with a shield.

When they land, we meet two more characters in Mrs. Claus and Agent Garcia, a polar bear agent of The ELF.

We then see Santa working out in his gym and we find out that the Naughty List has been rising 22% a lot so it is getting really hard for Callum to want to deal with the adults who mostly make that Naughty List and now more people are on the Naughty List than the Nice List.

Including This Asshole Who Is Our President Sadly

Santa tries to say that we need to still believe in people and they can find the good side in them. He says they work for the kids, even when they are not kids anymore. But Callum is still insistent in his retirement after this Christmas and Santa has to respect that. Outside, we see mercenaries finding the shield and breaking in.

Led By This Lady.

Callum goes for a walk and looks at Santa’s original workshop….which is now a historical landmark.

He sees a light go out in the main building and is a little concerned. He sees more lights go out and loses communications with people so now he knows there is a problem. Santa is also now missing so we are on Red Alert. He goes to Santa’s room and sees that someone has abducted him. Callum sees the people making off with Santa so he chases them. Other ELF agents are sent in as well.

Callum eventually lands on the vehicle the abductors are using to escape while the other ELF agents were taken out. Callum has to get off as it is going to go through a bridge and he will die from the debris if he doesn’t. He then puts a toy on the ground and grows it with a device so he now has a snowmobile.

He sees that there is a hole in the dome and follows the vehicle out of it. He causes an avalanche to try to slow the abductors’ vehicle down, which he does. He goes to the vehicle and sees that Santa is not in it and this was all a diversion as the real vehicle holding Santa gets away on a plane.

They get a message from MORA (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority) head Zoe Harlow asking what the hell happened.

Callum shows up and doesn’t know what happened and who could have done this. Zoe says they have 24 hours to take care of this because Christmas is coming and if they fail, there may be no more Christmas. Zoe says someone hacked the seismic surveillance system and if it is related, they may be able to figure out what happened. Callum tells Zoe that the people working there need to find out who hacked it. And the people working on it are called Trolls.

How Very Unsubtle Of This Movie….

They reveal it is The Wolf who is Jack O’Malley’s nickname. Apparently Jack is a legend in tracking and then we see Jack sleeping in a bathtub.

Not Much Of A Legend

He gets a phone call from his ex-wife Olivia who says he needs to go pick up their son Dylan from school. He says it isn’t a good time to put this on him, and Olivia says she has two pregnant mothers who can give birth at any time so she is stuck in the hospital. Also, Dylan got in trouble at school so someone needs to pick him up and he is the only person available to do so.

And This Is Dylan. Far Be It For Me To Criticize A Kid Actor, But Whoever Plays Dylan Does Not Do A Great Job At The Role.

Jack picks Dylan up and we find out Dylan hacked into the school computers and tampered with attendance records. He also slashed the tires on his ex-best friend’s bike after he told on Dylan. Jack is more disappointed that Dylan didn’t do it right and allowed the ex-best friend to find out about it. He takes Dylan home and Olivia is waiting. Dylan goes to practice as he has a Winter Pageant to do as part of Jazz Band. Olivia reveals that after the phone call, the pregnancies happened and she was able to get out of work just in time to get home, but thanks Jack for picking him up anyway. Olivia says that Dylan wants to spend more time with Jack and Jack says that he has to go to work.

Jack then goes back to his apartment and is attacked by people working for MORA (so much for that hard to find shit the movie was talking about). He fights them off for a while, but eventually gets captured and knocked out by Zoe.

He wakes up restrained and gets interrogated by Zoe. He reveals that someone was trying to find someone who was running weapons tests in the Arctic and he doesn’t know who it was as long as he got paid. After all of that, he is “boxed up” and taken to the North Pole.

Yep….They Literally Box You Up.

Zoe explains to Jack that Mora is a multinational organization that protects the mythological world. He seems weirded out by this whole thing and also doesn’t fully believe it. Oh and for a gag for him to believe this is real, we see that they have arrested the Headless Horseman.

He is then placed in a new interrogation room and is told that Santa Claus got kidnapped. Basically, the data he used to find those so called weapons was actually used to pinpoint where Santa’s Workshop was in the North Pole. He cannot believe any of this and then Callum shows up ready to kick some ass. Zoe tells Callum that Jack didn’t know what he was doing and just got hired to locate. Callum decides that there is some info Jack is holding back on and calls for Garcia, who arrives.

Yeah, That’s The Face Of A Man Who Was Not Expecting To Deal With An Anthropomorphic Polar Bear.

Zoe tries to calm the two down while Callum reveals Jack is on the Naughty List at a Level 4. Zoe then reveals that Jack is now working for her and needs to help them find and free Santa Claus. He then triangulates that whoever hired him is in Aruba and after wanting to work alone but being told that isn’t an option, he brings Callum and Garcia there. Jack also has a tracking device placed on him so he can’t escape in any way.

We then go to where Santa Claus has been confined to and it is a cell.

Santa then sees the face of his captor and it is Gryla.

I’m Afraid I’m Going To Have To Explain This One.

You see, Gryla is a ogre that is based in Icelandic lore and is mostly known for cooking naughty children, which she eats along with her lazy ass husband Leppaluoi. She is also the mother of twelve sons known as the Yule Lads who are mischievous troublemakers who like to prank and steal from people. In this film, though….she is just The Christmas Witch and there is no Leppaluoi because this film just wants the name and not everything that name involves.

Anyway, Gryla here thinks the world is a mess and thinks she has a way to fix it by making all the world something to fear if they are naughty. She reveals that Santa is restrained to a machine that will deplete his magical powers so it can be used in her grand plan. Santa falls asleep because of this.

We then go back to Callum and Jack as they go to a toy store. Callum picks up a Monopoly set, some Rock’em Sock’em Robots, a toy skateboard, a slinky, a squeaky hammer toy, some batteries, and Hot Wheel. They then go to the employees room of the toy store and reveal there is a portal behind a locked door that can take them to a toy store in Aruba. Callum is unhappy about the Hot Wheel Jack chose because he wanted a practical car, but then reveals that he can turn the car big and into a real car.

In the car ride, we learn that here is no backup Santas. Back with Gryla in her lair, she is given the weapon by one of the Yule Lads and that weapon is….

A Snow Globe.

We then see that Santa’s energy is being used to mass reproduce these snow globe weapons that we still don’t know what they do. They are going to test this device on some asshole named Aaron Able.

But before we see that, we need to go back with Callum and Jack in Aruba. We get more banter which makes it seem like these guys really don’t like each other and when Jack says Callum is no fun, Callum retorts that he won Most Fun Gift Wrapper for 183 years in a row. Jack finds some Armenian Death Mercs and Jack also reveals they are protecting their boss Ted.

Callum then beats up the Death Mercs by shrinking and then growing back to normal.

Jack and Callum want to know where Santa Claus is and of course, Ted also doesn’t know who they are talking about. Jack reveals he is The Wolf and we find out that Ted is just another guy working for the real boss Gryla. He is then possessed by Gryla because she was able to hear her name being mentioned.

This beach of Aruba turns cold and then we hear Nick Kroll (who is playing Ted) doing a horrible possessed voice. Gryla through Ted reveals that Santa is with her and fast asleep. Callum uses his glasses to make MORA find out that Gryla is behind Santa’s abduction. She reveals that she wants everyone who has ever been naughty (from murderers to jaywalkers) to be punished. She says on Christmas morning, the world will be much nicer.

Then we get another fight scene as Gryla has sent snowmen to attack.

In An Ice Cream Truck

And they have snowflake throwing stars that can freeze anyone.

Callum tells Jack to get Ted out of there as he is their only lead to Gryla. Callum splits one of the snowmen in half, but that does nothing as he is able to put himself back together.

Ultimately, Ted is frozen.

Callum is also able to defeat the snowmen by removing the carrots that are their nose.

Meanwhile, Jack blows one up using a punctured gas can and a Molotov cocktail.

There is a third who attempts to freeze the pool with Jack in it. Jack gets most of himself out of it, but his left foot is frozen to the pool. This could mean the end for this asshole, but Callum saves him by removing the carrot from him.

Maybe The Rock Can Cut One Of His Old Promos On That Carrot? No? Damn…..

Jack asks for help with his foot, but Callum says he will figure it out. Meanwhile, we finally meet Aaron Able who gets a parking ticket. He is on the phone being an asshole about not picking up his grandma and saying she can take the bus. He calls the meter maid an asshole and tells her to get a life before crumbling the ticket. Aaron opens his door and sees that there is a black present box left for him.

He opens it and sees it is a snow globe. The snow globe activates and we see that the magic has now trapped Aaron in the snow globe. We also find out that meter maid was actually one of the Yule Lads in disguise, who takes the snow globe with him. Although it was supposed to immediately come back to Gryla and she is not happy that the machine isn’t working properly.

Back at the pool, Jack is able to get out of his situation and MORA has put the carrots in specialized containers so they don’t create anymore snowmen. We also find out that Gryla is a shape-shifter and a 900 year old ogre who has kids that will kill on command. They then look for UDMs (Unauthorized Deployments Of Magic) and we find out that Santa has a brother.

It Better Not Be Fred Claus Or Xanta Klaus or Dingle Kringle

Callum immediately thinks Gryla is working for this brother and has himself and Jack go to his domain instead of MORA because of a treaty that makes him stay in his domain while they don’t come in his domain. If they fail, Zoe may have to brief all the heads of countries about the possibility of there being no Christmas. Back at the toy shop, Jack tries to get a Wonder Woman action figure, but Callum stops him. They teleport to Germany and Jack gets a phone call from Olivia, who is upset that Jack isn’t going to Dylan’s concert. Dylan for some reason says that he is at work and not in freaking Germany right now so there is a lot of these two arguing. She hangs up and Callum makes a hot wheels truck to a size they can drive in.

In the car, Callum wants to talk about Dylan. Jack says Dylan is a good kid and has a good step-dad and he doesn’t want to be the other dad while he is a degenerate gambler and low life so his kid won’t be disappointed in him. Callum says if that is what he is trying to do, it is not working. They drive to a graveyard and that is where they are able to enter the domain of Santa’s brother, who is Krampus.

Krampus Is Santa’s Helper In Certain Folklore Who Would Kidnap The Naughty Children And Take Them Away Forever

We find out in the film that Santa and Krampus used to work together, until his brother started making lists as Santa wasn’t comfortable with demonic lists that involved children. We find out that Santa’s brother was the one who started the naughty list and Santa didn’t like that he was starting to punish the naughty kids. Santa basically took the list and Krampus went on his own, which led him to hooking up with Gryla. It apparently ended badly for them so they have to sneak into the lair and Callum warns Jack not to touch anything.

And Now We Are In Krampus’ Lair

There they see two hellhounds standing guard.

Callum uses his enlarger gun to make a chicken which the hellhounds chase. Jack then sees some gold coins and takes a gold coin The alarm is sounds and a cyclops comes calling them thieves.

Callum tries to say who he is and they are not thieves, but another of the guys working for Krampus shows up and gets the coin out of Jack’s pocket.

They are put in prison and Callum is not happy with Jack. Jack tries to say that he has problems of his own as he owes someone a lot of money that he doesn’t have. Callum says there is always a choice and Jack makes the bad ones in looking out only for himself. Callum says he was one day away from retirement and this whole mess happens. We then once again hear about Callum not being able to see the good in people anymore so he was going to walk away from it all. Then Callum and Jack are brought to Krampus and his giant party.

We find out that they are having some sort of Slap Fight tournament known as Krampuschlap. Yes, we are getting a joke about Power Slap, a horrible sport where to people takes turns slapping each other unprotected until one of them is unable to get up. It is real, was first introduced in Russia, and now freaking Dana White has brought it to the United States.

Yep….A Guy Who Apparently Liked Slapping His Wife So Much That He Is The One Trying To Make A Sport Based Out Of Slapping People Come To Mainstream. Thankfully, It Has Not Been Truly Successful.

Anyway, Krampus slaps some guy into a wall and sees Callum Drift. He tells Callum that he shouldn’t be here. He takes Callum’s gauntlet that grows and shrinks thinks and tells Callum that the ELF head actually thought Santa was here, which he isn’t. Callum reveals that Santa was abducted last night by Gryla and he knows that the witch was here not that long ago. Krampus says that he knows they used to be a couple, but back then, she was beautiful and describes features from her original body (which is hideous) that he finds beautiful. Krampus said that while he used to punish, but now he only does that here for fun. Callum demands to know why Gryla was there if they were not working together and Krampus said that she came to take a gift back that he was given by her many years ago. That gift was the snow globe that could trap people and it was called the Glaskefig.

Callum tries to appeal to Krampus that he needs to find Santa, but Krampus isn’t interested in helping. He tells Jack that he is only leaving to give a message to MORA that there is a price for this intrusion and that Callum belongs to Krampus. Jack then proposes that Callum plays Krampuschlap for his freedom and wonders if Krampus is too much of a coward to accept the bet. Krampus loves this bet and accepts. Callum doesn’t like this, but realizes this may be their only choice so he accepts as well. Callum goes first and delivers a pretty good slap that would knock most people, but not Krampus….although Krampus finds the slap very interesting. It’s Krampus’ turn and Krampus knocks him down. Callum gets up so it is his turn. Jack was able to steal back the gauntlet and put it on Callum’s hand so Callum and slap the shit out of Krampus.

Callum then makes the Rock’em, Sock’em Robots bigger.

The robots punch the crowd so Callum and Jack can make their escape. Krampus destroys the robots and chases after them. However, the two heroes escape….even with the toy chicken that was used as a distraction for the hellhounds. Callum can’t believe that worked and Jack apologizes for putting him through it, but Callum is okay with it as it was great. Callum says he misjudged Jack and was happy he didn’t leave when he was allowed to. Jack has to say “Let’s Save Christmas” before they continue because Callum wants him to say it and after much hesitation, Jack says it. Jack wonders what Gryla wants to do with the Glaskefig, but he said Gryla’s name so she knows what they are doing.

You Know, If You Wanted To Do Candlejack…..Just Do Candlejack

The Yule Lads say the next test is ready, which Gryla is okay with….but she has a special test subject in mind. While Jack and Callum are on the road, they figure out that to make multiple Glaskefigs, they would need massive power like Santa. They stop when there is a piano and a package left for them in the middle of the road.

They open the package and see a Glaskefig. Jack then gets a cell phone call from his son who wonders if his father sent him a stupid present instead of coming. Jack realizes what is going on and tells Dylan not to open it, but Dylan touches it and is imprisoned. He is also transported to Gryla’s lair. In desperation to find his son, Jack touches his Glaskefig and he is trapped and transported to Gryla’s lair as well.

One of the Yule Lads looks at them and tells Gryla that it works. Gryla comes up to the imprisoned father and son, saying that Jack as a Level 4 Naughty Lister is the perfect start to her collection. She then has the Yule Lads put the machine online which saps more energy from Santa Claus.

Gryla says she will be delivering everyone of these Glaskefigs to every deviant on Earth. She says they will then join the collection so the world will be in the hand of the Righteous. Gryla says that she will be making the sleigh ride tonight. Back at MORA, Zoe gets a phone call from Callum asking about the Glaskefig. Zoe says that Krampus has it, but Callum says that Gryla has it now and plans to use it. Basically Callum surmises that Gryla’s lair is in Santa’s Workshop and Santa never left, meaning everyone at Santa’s Workshop has been compromised. Zoe says that is impossible as she has been talking to Mrs. Claus the whole time. Callum then is patched in to Mrs. Claus and sees Mrs. Claus is baking cookies, including macaroons. Callum gets off with Mrs. Claus and tells Zoe Santa’s wife is a fake as Santa hates macaroons, which the real wife would know. Zoe then pieces together that everyone in Santa’s workshop right now are all shapeshifters. We then see Mrs. Claus shapeshift back into one of the Yule Lads.

The Yule Lads immediately realize that Callum and MORA is on to them. Back in the prison snow globes, Dylan is very upset with what is going on. Jack tries to explain that Santa is missing and that lady is a witch who got the prison snow globes from a giant demonic creature named Krampus, with the plan being to make millions of those snow globes so they can capture all the naughty people forever.

Meanwhile Zoe and Callum sneak into Santa’s Workshop trying to find Jack, but they find the Yule Lad in disguise, which Callum immediately knocks out.

They go to where they believe Jack and Dylan are, but they aren’t there. Callum surmises that they must be in the old tunnel systems which are underneath the original workshop. Dylan is panicking and wondering why this is happening, wondering what he did to make himself naughty. Jack says Dylan may have done some stuff that he shouldn’t have done, but everyone has done that and says that Dylan is only in here because of his father’s mistakes. He says he did a lot of stuff and the stuff he didn’t do is bigger, like being a terrible father for Dylan. Dylan says it isn’t true, but Jack says it is true as he has been really not there for him. Jack promises he will be a better father from now on. They have a heart to heart moment and much like love in freaking The Happening defeating the wind, this father-son love breaks the Glaskefig’s hold on them and they are free.

Congratulations, Red One….You Made Me Compare You To Freaking The Happening.

Dylan wonders what happened and Jack says being nicer may be the way to break out of the Glaskefigs. They look around to find a way out and immediately run into Callum and Zoe.

With Callum Saying The Least Convincing “Ow” I Have Ever Heard

Callum has to make sure Jack isn’t a shapeshifter by finding out that is Jack could make a toy real, it would be Wonder Woman….which means Jack isn’t a shapeshifter. Introductions are done for Dylan and explains to Callum Gryla’s plan and everyone knows this needs to be stopped. They hear noises behind a steel door begging for help and they find the real Mrs. Claus and ELF Operatives.

Including Diego

We see Santa (still imprisoned) and the Glaskefig copies are being loaded onto the sleigh despite the protests of the reindeer. Callum, Jack, and everyone else come to stop Gryla and she says she was just leaving as she sics the Yule Lads on them. They all get their asses kicked in another fight scene that is way longer than it should be as Callum and Jack chases after Gryla (who is in the sleigh). They get on just before the sleigh flies off and a fight scene commences with the three of them. She nearly kicks both of them off the sleigh, but Callum is able to land in the Glaskefigs as Jack lands in between the reindeer reins. Jack is able to free the reindeer so the sleigh isn’t going to fly.

Gryla falls off the sleigh and down a long distance.

Callum frees Santa and tries to make sure he is still alive. However, he and Jack here climbing on the bridge which means Gryla is not dead yet.

And Even Worse….She Is In Her True Form

Callum tells Gryla to go, which she plans on doing. However, she also plans on taking Santa with her as his power has been wasted for far too long and her one request is something that Callun refuses to allow. Gryla is about to attack when a fireball hits her. That fireball is from Krampus who has his sleigh and has had a change of heart about helping stop her.

Krampus tries to have Gryla to back away, but Gryla uses her tail to throw him away.

Callum fights Gryla and its mostly a one sided affair with Gryla kicking Callum’s ass. Gryla is about to kill Callum, but Santa comes back to life and yells out her name.

Santa yells for his reindeer and Callum uses his shrink ray to escape Gryla’s clutches so the reindeer can be the real heroes and beat her ass.

They force her to land into the Glaskefig supply so she is now in a Glaskefig prison.

Callum and Santa have a talk with Santa asking what took him so long. Krampus meets with Santa as Santa thanks his brother and the demonic brother saying “Merry Christmas”.

Santa offers Krampus a seat with him this Christmas, but Krampus refuses and before he leaves, he tells Callum that he wants a Krampuschlap rematch. Dylan calls mom and tells her where she is. We then see everyone at Santa’s Workshop get read for Santa’s Christmas Eve Sleigh Ride. Jack and Dylan get to join Santa and Callum on the ride. We see Santa using the gauntlet to make himself smaller so he can get into houses and making tiny presents bigger.

He even gets the one kid from earlier the Vampire Assassin video game that he wanted.

Apparently For The Nintendo Switch (Even Though It Isnt A Real Game)

We see there is a giant blimp with multiple containers of presents so Santa doesn’t have one giant bag of gifts.

They even have elves on call in case Santa accidentally breaks a Christmas light on the roof while running to replace it with a new one.

Then we see kids around the world be happy as they get their presents. As Santa heads home after a successful Christmas Eve sleigh ride, Jack and Dylan talk about how amazing this is and the fact that Santa is very agile for his age.

Callum sees this father-son bonding with the two and sees kid Jack for a minute to signify the kid returning inside of Jack.

After seeing that, Callum decides that he will not be retiring after all, which for Santa, is great to hear.

But we have to end with something stupid with Jack asking if they just saved Christmas and Callum confirming they saved Christmas.

Thankfully as they head to the North Pole, this more than two hour slog of a movie is finally over.

So let’s talk about the aftermath of this movie. With all the problems on the set (mostly cause of Dwayne’s tardiness) and delays, it may not surprise you to hear that despite that numerous amount of marketing and a November time release to capitalize on people wanting Christmas movies, this movie was a giant bomb at the box office (not even making its $200-250 million budget with only a $185.9 million return) and not a month after it was released, was already on Amazon Prime Video.

As for the cast, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (who played Callum Drift) was not totally in the dumps for 2025 as while this film was a massive bomb, he voiced acted once again as Maui in Moana 2 (which came out later) and was the third highest grossing film of 2024. He has since tried to diversify his acting portfolio with The Smashing Machine, which did even worse than this film and is considered the worst box office for movies starring Dwayne. Chris Evans (who played Jack O’Malley) sadly has had to go back to Marvel and will be returning as Steve Rogers/Captain America in Avengers: Doomsday. Lucy Liu (who played Zoe) and J.K. Simmons (who played Santa Claus) are still doing fine as Lucy Liu and J.K. Simmons because if you have a crap ton of success and are well known, Hollywood will always find a place for you even with one bomb. Nick Kroll (who played Ted) is mostly a comedian although his film resume did not improve this year as he was a voice actor in Smurfs.

Which I May Have To Nominate For The GINO Award Despite Not Having Seen It Yet

Bonnie Hunt (who played Mrs. Claus) is actually doing a bit better in 2025 as she is a voice actress in Zootopia 2 and as of this induction, is making really good money at the box office.

Thankfully, no one has passed away since this film came out so we can get to my final thoughts. As you know from my Worst of 2024 List in January where they were #25, this movie sucks. Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans both give terrible performances as the leads, Lucy Liu and JK Simmons are just there, the villain is not that good, and that whole scene with Nick Kroll was completely just a waste of time other than to have snowmen in the beach. Probably worse than that is at several times during this movie (including the fight scenes), the movie got boring and this definitely didn’t need to be more than 2 hours. While not my worst movie of 2024, I think you all made a fine choice with the 2024 GINO Award. I hope you also make a good choice with the 2025 GINO Award.

But for myself here at Monster Crap, may you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year…

You Filthy Animals