Friday, January 7, 2022

Year In Review and 2021 GINO Award Poll

Note: Releasing this early because I will be away from my laptop until Monday. 

FUCK THIS YEAR

If there is one thing you need to know about how I felt about 2021, that is it. 

My year started off the worst way possible with my dad and I in the hospital for COVID-19 (& pneumonia). On January 17, 2021 (one day before my birthday), my dad died from his COVID fight and I could not truly mourn as I was still in my own COVID fight in the hospital (I found out about his death thanks to a call from my brother, at a bit before 1 AM on my birthday as he died before 12 AM). Obviously and thankfully, I survived my COVID (& pneumonia battle), but I still needed two months on a portable oxygen mask and really could not eat certain foods for a while do to my appetite going down. I also got to find out that my best friend and my own mother also had their own COVID battles, but they weren't bad enough to end up in the hospital. Due to financial struggles, my mom and her cat (a Russian Blue) had to move in with myself and my best friend on my dad's house since my father is no longer here to take care of things. Because of that, the the garage has so much crap that it is barely only barely walk from the garage door to the door to enter the house let alone not be able to house any vehicle at this time. Then a week before August, my dog (a puggle who was still on her leash) was able to get out of my grip and got into a fight with a pit bull who was also being walked. Ultimately, my dog needed facial reconstructive surgery. Because of all of this, I have developed a very terrible case of depression and while I will not intentionally kill myself ever, I have developed a feeling that if I died in my sleep, I would be okay with that. In September, we had a very bad Tornado Warning and the storm that did some damage that we were able to fix. Finally, a day before New Year's Eve, because of horrible communication from a bank that my dad put a loan on the car, my dad's car got repossessed (we only were able to find this out thanks to the police). 

But there were a few good things. In late September, I went to another horror convention that I will eventually have a Seth's Odyssey on. I have also had some fun watching a few AEW shows from theaters and I have had some theaters of fun to get rid of some bit of depression for a short time. I've also been able to get vaccinated and a year long membership to a retro arcade place with a monthly pinball tournament (I finished 9th out of 21 people last time). 

So yeah, while 2021 is finally over, 2022 is not good so far either with a really bad snowstorm that we are still dealing with. So let's talk about the films of 2021 and because of the crap with this year, I did not do a list as to what was the best film of the year and the worst of the year. I do not have a worst of the year this year as no film was easily able to stick with my craw this year, but I do have a favorite film of the year and it is.....

Yeah, It Was Definitely That...Although There Was A Bit Of Late Competition From Spider-Man: Far From Home 

But we do have a GINO Award to give out and we have 16 films fighting for that dubious honor so let's introduce them. 

Army Of The Dead
Congrats To Zack Snyder For Finally Getting His Version Of The Justice League Out On HBO Max, However That Does Not Change The Fact That This Direct To Netflix Film With Batista Has All Of The Halmarks Of A Terrible Zack Snyder Film Like A Bloated Running Time, Terrible Jokes, Drab Colors For Most Of It, And Horrible Characters. 

Black Friday
This Film Should Be Really Fun With One Great Character Actor, A Good Character Actor, One Fun Action Movie Actor, A Movie That Has A Razz On The Consumerism Of Black Friday, And Some Really Good Effects. However, The Movie Is Horribly Written And The Characters For The Most Part, Are Truly Terrible. 

Chaos Walking
This Was A Planned Trilogy As It Had Three Books And Had All This Name Talent Probably Signed To Do All Three Planned Films If It Went There Like Daisy Ridley, Tom Holland, Mads Mikkelsen, and David Oyelowo. They Spent All This Money For This To Be A Huge Hit And Not Even The Excuse Of COVID Could Change How Big A Bomb This Film Is. Find Out How This Happened.

Cosmic Sin
Bruce Willis Continues His Several Year Run Of Not Giving A Shit About Acting And Just Appearing In The Most Heinous Shit. Thankfully, Most Of These Films Have No Monsters In It And I Have Been Able To Avoid These Disasters. But Then There Is Cosmic Sin, A Film That Deals With Humans Fighting Aliens Oh, Frank Grillo And Former WWE Star Lana Are Also In This Movie.  

Demonic
Man, How The Mighty Have Fallen With Neil Bloomkamp. At One Time, He Was A Promising Sci-Fi Director With His Great Film District 9, But He Then Went To Bomb With Elysium And The Terribly Disappointing Chappie. Now The Director Returns To Low Budget Cinema That Kind Of Worked Well With District 9, But Unfortunately For Him, Demonic Sucks.

Great White
Not The Shot For Shot Jaws Ripoff That 1981's Great White (Or The Last Shark) Was, Which Ultimately Was Successfully Sued By Universal Studios And Ultimately Led To The BS With Edward Montaro Jr. But Instead, This Just Some Crappy Survival Film About Shitty And Stupid Characters Dealing With Hungry Great White Sharks. Not Much To Say Other Than It Is Boring As Hell.

HellKat
Hey, It's A MMA Fight To The Death Tournament Set In Hell And It Is So Cheap And Bad That You Won't Be Surprised That It Was Released By The Terrible Company Known As Wild Eye Releasing. Sadly, There Really Is Nothing More To Say Than This Movie Is Really Boring. 

Prisoners Of The Ghostland
I Had To Pick Between Two Nicolas Cage Movies And Ultimately, I Had To Choose The Film With Cage, Sofia Boutella (Who While Attractive As Hell, Has Had Some Really Bad Luck In Choosing Movies As She Was Also In That Recent Mummy Movie), And Bill Mosely. Only Reason I Chose This Is I Kind Of Had More Fun With Willy's Wonderland Even Though There Is Some Fun In This Film Too.

Resident Evil: Welcome To Raccoon City
Be Careful What You Wish For As I Know Everyone Including Myself Was Happy To Hear That Paul W Anderson Was No Longer Going To Be Involved With This Movie Series So No More Mila Jovavich Making Everyone Look Stupid In Bad Films And Instead, We Would Get Something More Following The First Two Games. Well, Sadly....What We Got May Be A Worse Film. 

Rumble
A Movie About Monsters Fighting Each Other As A Sport Sounds Fun On Paper Until You Realize WWE Studios Is Involved With This Film. Ultimately, The Film Which Had Been Finished In 2019 And Was Scheduled To Be In Theaters In 2020, Before Being Delayed, Delayed More And Ultimately Being Released On Paramount+ Instead Of Theaters. And Yes, Those Decisions Were Warranted When You See The Final Product. 

Sky Sharks
Nazis Creating Sharks To Take Over The Sky? Sounds Like Some B Movie Enjoyment. And Heck, With Names In The Cast (Tony Todd & Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), This Should Really Be Fun. Well, They Both Are Barely In The Film And Many Of The Other Actors Completely Crap Up The Scene And The Movie Is A Horrible Mess Of CGI Crap. I Shouldnt Be Looking At My Watch While Watching A Movie Like This.

Snake Eyes: GI Joe Origins
Hey, Studios Still See It As A Potential Movie Property So Let's Reboot Two Failed Films And Do A New Origin Story For One Of The Most Interesting Characters In The Franchise In Snake Eyes. Hey, We Even Got Henry Golding To Lead This Film, But Then You Realize That Snake Eyes Never Talked And The Director Directed R.I.P.D. And Allegiant.....Yeah, You See The Problems, Don't You?

Space Jam: A New Legacy
First Of All, The First Space Jam Is Bad Too And Will Get Inducted Eventually. Second Of All, I Normally Wait Until I Do The Film Before It Before I Consider Even Nominating It's Sequel. However, Space Jam: A New Legacy Is Such A Terrible Pile Of Garbage In So Many Ways That I Am Not Going To List Right Now And Has Been Made Fun Of By Everyone That To Not Nominate This Would Be Freaking Criminal. 

Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre
Wrestling And Zombies Always Make For A Horrible Mix (See Pro Wrestlers Vs. Zombies), But This One Is Different As It Doesnt Even Have The Common Courtesy To Have Actual Pro Wrestlers In It (Although It Does Have Two MMA Legends In It). Add To The Fact That The Acting Is Terrible And The Writing Is Even Worse, And You Have A GINO Award Nominee.

Thunder Force
Dammit....Melissa McCarthy, You Just Had To Return To The Sight Of Monster Crap With A Superhero Parody Film Where Once Again, You Play A Character Who The Joke Is That She Is Fat, Clumsy, And Have An Attitude. But Now You Also Have Brought Octavia Spencer Down To This Level Just Because You Two Are Really Good Friends And Wanted To Work Together For A While. 

Tom & Jerry
A Film Directed By Notable Hack Tim Story And Featuring Tom & Jerry Once Again In A Crappy Film That Somehow Made It To Theaters And HBO Max. This Animated/Live Action Hybrid Film That Has Languished In Developmental Hell For Several Years And The Only Good Thing I Have To Say About This Film Is....It Isn't As Bad As 1992's Tom & Jerry: The Movie And That Isnt Saying A Lot. 

Poll will end January 15 at 12 AM.



No comments:

Post a Comment