Saturday, April 1, 2017

Monster Crap Inductee: Time Walker (aka Being From Another Planet) (1982)

OOC: Apologies for this being in April instead of March, but I was dealt a huge multiple sclerosis attack that caused me to delay it. I am still suffering from it, but I am better than I was last week and able to get through it to get this induction done.

Monster Crap Inductee: Time Walker
Mummy…….FROM SPACE!!!!


Let’s talk about ancient Egypt.

Linkara’s Greatest Enemy

Other than that, ancient Egypt has a bit of a presence in my mind. In fact, when searching for an alias (you really think Seth Drakin is my real name), I used the ancient Egyptian god Set to come up with Seth as a perfect first name. Now if you are wondering who Set was, I’ll tell you as your alternative is actually looking it up.

Don’t Bother With That Movie As That Version Of Set Is Bullshit.

Set was Osiris’ brother who got a bit envious when his brother was getting all the acclaim so he made a coffin for his brother and asked his brother to try the coffin out. Osiris did, not realizing his brother’s evil treachery, and once he did, Set close the coffin, sealed it with lead, and threw it into the Nile River, effectively murdering his brother. Basically, he did a lot of other dastardly things so as a fan of villains, I used his name to create my own.

Now let’s talk about King Tut.

Not That Guy, Although I Do Hear He Is A Wild And Crazy Guy

Not The 60s Batman Villain Either

Actually, we shall talk about the real pharaoh Tutankhamen. He was pharaoh at the age of 9 and didn’t have a long reign before he died as a child under mysterious circumstances. In fact, evidence shows that he was buried in a quick way. Not much is known of his life other than theories, but he was actually discovered in 1922 and he is well known because he was one of the best preserved tombs in Egypt. It is so well preserved that it is still at the Valley of Kings, where he was buried, although protected very well from grave robbers. It actually was lost for some time because of stone chips that came from other digs. But it was found and is still well preserved.

With all that said, we have the film that we are inducting. A little piece of schlock film that was distributed by New World Pictures and all the music was scored by Richard Band, who you might remember as Charles Band’s brother and who directed the past induction.

This was also the only directed film by one Tom Kennedy, who oversaw the creation of a lot of very good trailers with the company he worked with, Kaleidoscope Film and later, he was a producer for the firm Cimarron/Bacon/O’Brien as well as senior VP of creative advertising for MGM/UA. He also established his own production company TKO Pictures in 2000 and did voice over.

You may also know the film as its other title Being From Another Planet, for when it was riffed by Joel and the bots for Mystery Science Theater 3000.

As Plenty Of Past Inductions Are Most Known For (Well, Joel or Mike)

So with that out of the way, let’s get to the film.

First, and this will be the only time I bring up the MST3K version because both films have different openings. With Time Walker, you get a small montage of some planets before we get to the pyramids and the title.

Meanwhile, with the MST3K version (known as Being From Another Planet), you merely get a montage of ancient Egyptian artifacts before the title sequence.

Both basically try to make this seem like we are in Ancient Egypt, but the original rather keep showing the entrance of the Hall of Kings because yeah, they really didn’t have enough money to show the complete dig. We also hear stuff going on in the background as people are digging and there is an unseen earthquake (didn’t even bother shaking the camera), but no one got hurt.

Of Course They Have To Mention They Are In King Tutankhamen’s Tomb, Because They Didn’t, How Would We Know Which Tomb They Are Looking At.

However, this unseen earthquake causes the people to discover an unknown part of the tomb which housed a different mummy.

If You Must Know, The Guy Who Discovered This Is A Professor At The California University Of Sciences Named Douglas McCadden. He’s The Guy On The Left, The Guy On The Right Is Abdellah, Who Is Not In This Movie Anymore After This Scene

They realize that anyone who was here died here and we cut to a skeleton before a plane lands back in California.

We go directly to the California Institute of the Sciences.

Um….Thanks, Movie……I Guess

Prof. McCadden has his students help with the sarcophagus. One of the college media in Linda comes in and asks to get a picture of the sarcophagus.

That’s Harry Belafonte’s Daughter. You Better Do As Asked Or You’re Getting Fired Because Of Some Boycott.

McCadden doesn’t want to do the pose with it as it is very heavy. But Linda says president of the university Wendell Rossmore wants it taken for the press conference tomorrow. Susie has issues with the press conference being tomorrow, but McCadden tells her that they have to play ball so they pose for the photo.

Susie Is The Blonde Next To The Professor

Inside, we find out the mummy’s name is Ankh-Venharis, meaning Noble Traveler. They wonder if this was a visiting dignitary who was buried and if so, why would they bury him in the tomb of King Tut? They are about to open the sarcophagus when Peter comes in with the X-Ray equipment.

They then open the sarcophagus and notice this mummy has a bit of green powder around him.

They ask about the green powder and McCadden has another student of his in Michael take a sample of the stuff. While he takes a sample, he gets some powder on his arm.

It Means Is Absolutely Nothing Because It Is Never Given Any Context Ever Again.

Susie wonders why he was given such a hasty burial and McCadden can only surmise that the Ankh-Venharis had some type of nasty disease like smallpox since the disease also killed his attendants as well. McCadden wants them to seal the mummy up fast so he can figure out how to give it a proper cleaning. They also seal up the papyrus because that paper is very sensitive and will dissolve in water easily.

They get ready for the X-Ray and after two shots, they try for a third and that is when they notice that the radiation is all the way up, which also does nothing. Mr. Parker noticed this.  

Peter yells at Mr. Parker for stopping the machine. But Mr. Parker notes the machines setting and Peter is the one in trouble. Peter goes to fix it and as he observes the X-Rays so he notices something. 

While McCadden and Susie check on the papyrus, Peter goes to investigate and notices a hidden compartment in the sarcophagus.

Inside the hidden compartment is some crystals and some triangle thing, but Peter is more interested in the diamonds.

Peter decides to steal the crystals and make another X-Ray to throw off suspicion.

He decides to hide the real diagram behind a shelf while he gives McCadden the fake ones, all the while sneaking past Parker.

We also find out the green powder is some kind of mold.

He has Susie send the mold over to another doctor, where she hints at a relationship with  McCadden….which is against the rules and could be cause for a firing. I mention that for later. McCadden also has Susie send over a reading from a paper too.

Also the mummy comes alive.

McCadden falls asleep, but is woken up by Susie, who reveals that it is the next day which means time for the press conference. He also reveals that the skull on the mummy is definitely not human.

Susie also notices a piece is missing.

At the press conference, some things happen like finding out about the hidden compartment.

Which Reveals That The Fungus Has Grown A Lot

Peter gets told by a jeweler that the diamonds aren’t worth a damn thing.

Can’t Exactly Admit He Robbed An Actual Sarcophagus To Get Those Diamonds So He Is Out Of Luck.

Peter takes the diamonds, thinking he will get something on the open market besides the FBI kicking down his door (see the numbskull who stole Brady’s Super Bowl 51 jersey) while calling him a clown. Hey, you better be careful Peter, the actor who plays the jeweler might end up more well-known than anyone in this film.

We also learn Dr. Ken Melrose doesn’t know what kind of fungus it is.

Bad News Is This Dr. Ken Is Just As Useless. Good News Is This Dr. Ken Doesn’t Also Come With Bad Jokes.

Also, yes….

It Is Also The Main Star Of The Original Assault On Precinct 13

Dr. Ken tries to get the press conference cancelled, but the media is already here and they are just in time to learn that the fungus can burn people so bad that it gets them a trip to the hospital.

Thanks Michael, Your Naïve Intuition To Touch Random Things Is A Great Service To Us All

The media is calmed down and Prof. McCadden is mocked by President Rossmore And His Stooge Bruce Serrano

Hey It’s The Old University Head From The Movie Congo.

Yeah, James Karen Tended To Play Stuffy And Unbelieving Heads Of Academic Institutions Quite A Bit.

As for the actor who is playing the stooge Bruce Serrano, he tended to get low budget movies roles so don’t bother with him. Back to the movie, Rossmore says that if McCadden can’t handle this situation, he will get someone who will and looks immediately at his stooge.

The press conference begins and we learn one major thing during this whole thing.

The Mummy Is Gone

After that embarrassment, Peter is immediately blamed for the mummy’s disappearance, but is not taken in, but is told by Rossmore (who believes this is some type of fraternity prank) that he is giving a 24 hour grace period for the person to return the mummy and not get in trouble for taking it. After 24 hours, he plans to crack down on every frat house until he finds it or every fraternity is gone.

Nice To Know We Have Our Own Version Of A Dean Wormer Here……DELTA HOUSE!!!!!

McCadden wants to bring the city police in on this because the mummy may contain the fungus and if someone touches it, they will end up in the hospital too. Rossmore is against this and the captain of the campus police doesn’t think the city police is needed either.

He Thinks That Whoever Stole The Mummy Will Be In The Hospital So They Can Nab The Thief There

The mummy is actually alive and decides to kill some janitor off-screen.

Hi, I’m The Lowly Janitor. If You Have Ever Seen These Films Before, You Will Know That I Am Perfect Fodder And I Will Die Easily So No One Has To Care That I Die.

This janitor only gets killed partially off-screen because while he does get killed in a dark room that we never see, we can hear his screams to know the mummy has killed him.

Meanwhile Dr. Ken tells McCadden that the fungus spreads and is completely unstable. They get a phone call about Michael and they are right there.

There They Meet Dr. Hayworth

They also see Michael’s arm.

Well, That Hand Is No Good. How Would You Feel About Being Captain Hook, Michael?

And as soon as I make that joke, Dr. Hayworth says the only thing they can do is cut it off, which is a major buzzkill.

Meanwhile, Peter gets busted by Sherri for being a Peeping Tom looking at another woman put on her bra and to maintain an Age-Free website, I cannot show too much of this scene.

Well….Except Sherri Getting Pissed Off

Peter gives Sherri one of the crystals to make it up to her.

Don’t Ask Where He Got It From. Peter Will Just Lie And Say He Found It In An Old Box Anyway.

At the campus radio station with Linda, McCadden pleads for the return of the mummy. We also see a news broadcast that gets Rossmore very upset.

Although Considering The Joke Is That It Isn’t A Mummy, But A Daddy……I Wouldn’t Consider This Report Worth My Time.

Peter sells another crystal to a guy he knows named Greg for $50 and pretends to say it was worth $100 (even though the jeweler said it was worthless).

To Be Fair, Just Look At That Face And Know This Moron Is Getting Conned. You Would Believe It. 

Peter celebrates with Sheri by taking her to a nice restaurant.

This gets the attention of two guys he owes money.

He gives them each a crystal to get them off his back. While he is giving them the crystals, Sherry’s crystal starts glowing.

Meanwhile Greg gives the crystal he bought to his girlfriend Ellen, who is babysitting by the way.

Unfortunately the fungus wearing mummy also can sense the jewel is there and comes face to face with the baby.

Well, That Baby Will Be Having Nightmares Forever

Ellen hears the baby crying and when she goes to check on the baby, the mummy takes the crystal from around her neck, but because the mummy had to touch her to get the crystal. Ellen has some good old fashioned deadly fungus to the neck and chest area.

Oops….Sorry For The Kill, Not Sorry For The Slow Motion

The paramedics and authorities are immediately there to take care of Ellen. The Lieutenant from the city police, Plummer comes in.

Hey, Napoleon Wilson Of Assault On Precinct 13 (The Original)….Got A Light?

Funny think is Plummer and Dr. Ken were both played by the stars of Assault on Precinct 13.

Hayworth says she is talking with the CDC (Center for Disease Control & Prevention) because if anyone can be familiar with what they are dealing with, it is them. Lt. Plummer talks to Greg about what happened, but all Greg can do can say is the killer was the mummy. We also know that because Plummer is from the real police and Willoughby is from Campus police, Plummer can override him and take over the investigation despite Plummer being lieutenenant and Willoughby being a captain. We get word that Michael also had to lose his right hand, but he will be fine.

Jack Parker sneaks into his own workplace, which got closed by campus police and finds his workplace destroyed (Willoughby found it destroyed earlier) and the fungus left behind.                               
Meanwhile, the mummy is using the boiler room as his headquarters and he is putting crystals into the triangle.

No Idea What It Does At This Time, But Obviously Very Important To The Mummy

McCadden still tries to translate the papyrus, and Dr. Ken tells him that the mummy’s skeletal structure is abnormal and doesn’t fit any human he ever has known. The papyrus is a scroll and it reveals that King Tut found this thing that became the mummy, assumed it to be a god, and touched it (in a greeting gesture). After he touched it, he came down with a terrible plague (the fungus) and died from it. The attendants wrapped it up into a mummy quickly and since the fungus got on them too, they died as well which is why the tomb had a lot of skeletons with green stuff on them. Dr. Ken finds this preposterous as it would have to be 3,000 years old and would be why Tut died.

Meanwhile Rossmore is upset by the press talking about the missing mummy as they are seen as a laughing stock. Oh also the fraternities is using the incident to organize a big party that you must be in ancient Egyptian costume.

Back at his lab, Dr. Ken makes an astonishing discovery that the heat can cause the fungus to grow.

Realizing that would be bad news for the surgical laser people who want to get the fungus off the body, he tries to warn them….but it is too late as the fungus has overgrown over Ellen’s body.

As Alpha From Power Rangers Would Say, Ai Yi Yi

Susie goes to research something when one of the guys who got a crystal from Peter to pay off his debt (named Stanley) tries to move in on Susie.

By The Way, That Guy Is Warrington Gillette

He was basically the guy who was only Jason Voorhees for one scene in Friday The 13th Part 2.

Yep….That One Scene. Steve Dash Was Jason For Most Of The Film.

He knows that Susie is seeing the professor and Susie is out in the open with this relationship. Okay, now I know this is unethical and can cause McCadden to be fired. He just gives Susie the crystal in hopes to eventually win her over from McCadden.

It’s Part Of A Bracelet That Will Not Be Easy To Get Off

That night, Capt. Willoughby gets scared by some rats that happen to be in the closet.

Completely Pointless

The party happens. And we find out a big reason why Peter hates Jack.

Jack Is In A Relationship With The Girl Peter Keeps Peeping On (Named Jennie) And Maybe Dating His Roommate Because Of That.

Two people are out kissing and they get interrupted by Peter. Sherri gets him to the party where all the fraternities and sororities are having a party. The kissers go back to kissing and..

Apparently The Mummy Has A Hoverboard

The mummy gets mistaken for another person bothering the kissing couple so the guy tells him off.

Seriously, The Mummy Just Stands There And Takes The Insults. Then Again, I Don’t Know How You Come Back From Being Called A “Chicken Frat Rat”.

During the party, the other guy who Mike owed money to (named Bill) is looking for a woman named Sarah as he is going to give her a present (another crystal). No one has seen her so he goes out looking and bumps into the kissing couple.

He Gets Told Off And Moves On.

Bill finds Sarah, but she has left him for another guy.

She Doesn’t Give A Reason For This Or Anything

Bill thinks he is through with women and will become a priest, when more ladies come and this loser changes his tune. He goes to get the crystal he threw on the ground.

Sadly Not As Awesome As The Lonely Island Did

When he gets back up, the mummy attacks. The mummy smacks Bill into a wall and Bill is dead.

That Mummy Has A Dangerous Back Hand

The mummy goes back to where he is hiding and puts the second crystal on the triangle.

Presumably He Got There So Fast Thanks To His Hoverboard

This causes another temporary blackout and Jack needs to go check it out. Jack checks his computer and finds the power drain coming from the reactor building, which he goes to investigate. He goes to see what is up, but finds nothing there. He does run into Capt. Willoughby and Mr. Serano, because Willoughby believed whoever stole the mummy is there. Jack just acts snarky to the two and goes on his way. Jack then walks home, but finds Bill’s body as the party finds him too.

By My Guess, The Killer Must Have A Strong Back Hand. Quick…We Need To Investigate The Tennis Team Immediately.

McCadden gets the phone call on Bill’s death and heads to the crime scene immediately. Lt. Plummer tells him about the kid getting killed and having the fungus on him while Dr. Ken tells the morgue guys to not touch the green fungus. Peter tried to say Jack did it with the university heads backing him up, but Lt. Plummer says that is impossible as the body had every bone in his body broken so he hit the wall with incredible force. Peter tries to say that Jack is pretty strong, but Plummer says no one is that strong.

Back at Rossmore’s office, Plummer believes the university is trying to cover up this whole business as this isn’t the first time he has tried to do something to avoid bad press. Mr. Serrano tries say that he is addressing the head of an accredited university and Plummer just tells the two to not withhold information or play detective. Rossmore asks about the mummy, but Plummer says they can look for it all they want as he is looking for a killer.

Elsewhere, McCadden tells the academics in the room that they are researching a theory that the mummy is an alien. Of course, they all think this is crazy talk. Jack says they just need to find out who took the mummy and where it is.

At Rossmore’s office, the university president is upset at all the bad news going around. That is when Mr. Serrano gets an idea. He says that maybe we can frame it as if McCadden stole the mummy himself and hid it because he was not ready to reveal it. Rossmore says if they can prove that in some way, they can give Serrano his position and he will no longer have to worry about that department. This is how you want to get rid of the guy? With this insane story? Let me give you a little advice, guys. Maybe you should find something simpler as your excuse to get rid of him. Maybe something that violates the bylaws of a relationship between student and teacher. Maybe I don’t know…

The Fact That McCadden Is Sleeping With Susie, Who Is A Student Of His.

And it isn’t like this is not known by everyone. Everyone basically knows about these two. Stanley knows these two are sleeping together (an allegation she didn’t care to deny) and they sleep in the same room. Susie is in the professor’s office at late hours of the night. Susie is at all the meetings beside McCadden. You could easily be able to basically have McCadden lose his job because he was doing that and no one would have a problem with it.

Heck, They Probably Had Less To Go On With Bobby Petrino And Arkansas Was Easily Able To Fire Him

Anyway, McCadden has a bad dream about the mummy coming for him and Susie and thus we get the scene where he wakes up in Susie’s bed while she has a robe on. Suddenly, some images are projected from the crystal thanks to the sunlight.

They of course look like the same symbols from the one piece of paper they found and it peaks their interests. When asked where she got the bracelet, she reveals it is from some guy named Stanley. He wants to analyze it immediately and so they get out of the bedroom. Susie reveals that she had seen that pattern in that paper from earlier and says that it looked like radio diagrams his brother used to have since he made radios. McCadden says maybe Jack will know so they show the diagram to Jack, who says it looks like some wiring schematic. Susie wonders if the crystal has something to do with it and Jack says maybe as sometimes crystals have been used as transmitters. McCadden shows him the diagram from the bracelet thanks to a flashlight and they both think something is going on. McCadden tells Susie to go to the astrology center to see what else she can find on ancient phenomenon and also check out those NASA information bulletins on ultra-long range communication.  Susie leaves as Jack asks the professor what kind of paper this is printed on and he doesn’t know. It is like nothing else in this world, like the fungus and the mummy.

Susie goes to the astrology center and when asked where everyone is, the janitor (not the one killed earlier) reveals that they went on a field trip to the observatory to see a comet so the place is empty. That is of course very convenient as that is where the mummy finds Susie and because Susie still has the crystal, the mummy is after her.

Susie make a run for it with the mummy lumbering close behind. Susie tries to do the smart thing and ditch the crystal, but now she can’t get the bracelet off. Susie tries to climb down a ladder, but the mummy catches up to her and gets the bracelet.

Burning Her Wrist And Knocking Her Off the Ladder.

She lives as McCadden and Jack get to her and immediately get her to the hospital. Susie tells Lt. Plummer the whole story. Lt. Plummer doesn’t believe her about the mummy parts, but does believe the rest of the story and believes this is a sick individual they are dealing with. The mummy then puts the third crystal into the triangle.

Only Two To Go….Way To Go, Mummy

In the hospital, Susie then reveals all she knows to McCadden, Dr. Ken, and Jack. So yes, now all of them know that the mummy is alive and it just wants the damn crystals and nothing more. Jack goes back to his office to check out the schematic again and McCadden joins him with Susie’s blessing and a kiss.

According To This Film, This Is Okay In An Academic Institution

The mummy then breaks some wires.

At the place, they find the real x-rays that reveals the crystal so they confront Peter about what he did. They reveal because of those crystals, two people are dead and another person is in the hospital. Peter realizes what he has done and gives the crystal he has to McCadden. He reveals he gave the other one to Sherri. Jack realizes that Sherri is his girlfriend Jenny’s roommate. They also realize that the mummy needs a power source for the machine it is making so they head to the reactor (despite being there several other times and nothing happening). Peter reveals that that she left the crystal at home and Jack gets urgent because his girlfriend is in danger.

The mummy goes to the house which Jenny and Sherri stay at. Jenny sees the crystal and goes to take a shower.

The Mummy Can Also Levitate Too Apparently.

The mummy enters the bathroom and pulls the curtains on poor Jenny.

Psycho This Is Not

But since Jenny doesn’t have the crystal on her, he just uses his powers to have the crystal come to him.

Powers He Could Have Used Earlier That Would Have Saved A Lot Of Time And Death

The mummy leaves just as Jack arrives and comforts Jenny.

McCadden heads to the reactor building to search for either the triangle or the mummy. He also calls Linda to come down with her camera because he wants to show the world that the mummy is alive. McCadden walks around and of course finds the crystal. He puts his crystal he got from Peter on top, but it does nothing. No sooner does he do makes that mistake that Rossmore, Serano, and Willoughby show up.

They are convinced that McCadden did steal the mummy and Serrano makes a speech how he will get what always should have been his in McCadden’s department. No sooner does he make that speech that the mummy shows up.

What??? You Act Like You Have Never Seen A Mummy Walking Before??

The mummy then goes to the triangle, ignoring the four men, and fixes the mistake McCadden made with his crystal.

Thanks For Returning The Crystal, But You Put It In The Wrong Spot.

That Crystal Goes There And The Other One I Just Got Goes Here.

Linda and Jack show up with the camera and take a picture of the mummy.

The completing of the triangle and crystals causes a momentary power outage. The mummy has the triangle to show his true form.

Yeah, The Mummy Suit Was Probably More Expensive Than The Alien Costume

For some reason as the alien is about to teleport, Serrano orders Willoughby to shoot it and Willoughby listens in trying to shoot it. But McCadden steps in the way and he gets shot in the shoulder instead.

McCadden falls to the ground and Jack wrestles the gun away from Willoughby. As McCadden is on the ground, the alien offers his hand.

McCadden takes the alien’s hand and they teleport away together, leaving just a tiny crystal behind.

Serrano races to grab the crystal but burns his own hand, leading to the ending.

We also get a “too be continued” screen threatening a sequel.

Considering This Was Made In 1982, I Don’t Think A Sequel Will Happen. Then Again…

Death Race 2050 Just Happened So You Never Know

And that is the end of the movie.

Not much happened except for some small things to mention. Vanna Bonta (who played a random lab student) went onto become a poet and had one of her haikus shot into space and Mars. She also was Zed’s Queen in the Beastmaster as well as a voice in Beauty and the Beast (the animated one done by Disney).  Alan Rachins (who played the Jeweler) went on to be in L.A. Law and was Dharma’s dad in Dharma & Greg.  

There was also a few passings which is typical for a movie like this. Vanna Bonta (who played a random student in the lab) shockingly died at the age of 56 (cause unknown). J. Michael Hunter (who was a cameraman) died in 2016 at the age of 66 after a long illness. Gary Dubin (who played Michael) died in 2016 due to bone cancer at the age of 57. Clint Young (who played Willoughby) died in 2007 at the age of 82. Darwin Joston (who played Lt. Plummer) died in 1998 of leukemia at 60 years old.

Now for my final thoughts. This is basically one of those very forgettable movies that will probably only be remembered for the twist of the alien being a mummy and was on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The film otherwise is very boring and feels padded, even when it is an 85 minute movie. Also every kill scene involves before slow motion for no reason other than to help the run time. Not a good film indeed, but I probably won’t remember it in a few months.

So what’s the next induction before Porno Pete takes over.

The Next Movie Is Another Easy One, But It Will Be One That You Will Need To Create The Birth Of A Longtime Pain For You That You May Hate Talking About.

It’s Time For Seth To Deal With The Birth Of Minya.

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