The May 22nd show was a makeup show of sorts since we missed the show the week prior and with only Slamiversary playing on that Friday (we saw that show the first time and do not need to see it again), we at least were able to talk about the show the week prior and One Night Only: Xtravaganza (and Impact maybe getting cancelled). Then since that episode was never posted on AngryMarks until today, you get that episode along with the episode from the last Impact on Friday where we talk about the big news of ROH joining Destination America and how that will effect TNA. Oh and we also talked about the show episode they called May Mayhem, which was a mixed bag.
Inductee: The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle It’s Just Bull
a kid, I did like Rocky & Bullwinkle like probably a lot of people of my
generation. But like a lot of kids in our generation, it took a few years later
for us to realize that this was just syndicated programming as The Rocky &
Bullwinkle Show originally ran around 1959 to 1964 (even though it was clear as
day with the animation).
Fact, When Rocky & Bullwinkle First Aired, Plan 9 From Outer Space Was
Still In Theaters
what caused this show to only have a 5 year run? Well, you can blame it on this
on ABC caused Rocky & Bullwinkle on NBC to lose a lot of viewers and because
of that (along with the potential move to CBS that never happened), NBC moved
the shows to plenty of timeslots and eventually just cancelled it. But what
Rocky & Bullwinkle was able to survive on was syndication so most of you
reading this who watched Rocky & Bullwinkle, you watched it on syndication.
because of the show being liked in syndication by a lot of people, an eventual
movie was made. Of course that was 1992’s Boris & Natasha: The Movie.
That One, Seth!!!
yeah…my bad. You see…that film focuses more on the villains for once not going
with Fearless Leader’s plans and only has Agent Moose & Agent Squirrel who
are humans and not an anamorphic moose and squirrel. Movie was originally
intended for theatrical release, but because it wasn’t that good…it was
released straight to Showtime and went into so relative of obscurity that most
of you have probably never heard of it. And just so you know, no type of things
that aren’t human so I will never be inducting that pile of crap, but maybe I
could send this one to another reviewer like maybe Raymond Gallant aka
Forgotten Sin, who does Toon Crap (cheap plug). Anyway, I guess we are talking
about the 2000 movie which actually deals with Rocky & Bullwinkle as
anamorphic Moose & Squirrel.
of course, because of people seeing this in syndication, you were able to get a
lot of big names to do this movie and I’ll be honest, a lot of the casting
sounded perfect. They even got the voice actress for Rocky and animated Natasha
Fetale to be in the film in the legendary June Foray. Now why they couldn’t get
the voice actor for Bullwinkle (also animated Fearless Leader) was because that
Bill Scott had died in 1985, which was 15 years before they even released this
movie in 2000 so he had been dead for a while. So they got a good friend of
Bill Scott in Keith Scott (no relation) to play Bullwinkle as well as the
narrator and animated Boris Badenov (because the voice actors for those roles
had also passed away as well). To get the live action versions of the three
villains, they got acclaimed actor Robert De Niro to play Fearless Leader as
well as still known actors in Jason Alexander and Rene Russo to play Boris
as soon as trailers for this film came out, I knew we were not going to be
having a fun time and considering this was voted on to be inducted, you mostly
feel the same way as well (although some voters liked the movie and just wanted
to see me try and tackle it). So let’s get down to business with this
begin with the Universal logo.
then we get our title with a cartoon theater as the backdrop.
narrator speaks about this being 1964 (which was a crucial moment in American
history) as Lyndon is re-elected as President of the United States by a
landslide (not mentioned is his opponent Barry Goldwater and those infamous LBJ
ads that painted Goldwater as an unstable man who will push the button and nuke
the world), the New York’s World Fair introduces the world to a bright future,
and after five years on the air, Rocky & Bullwinkle got cancelled.
narrator says that a lot has changed in 35 years as Velcro has replaced the
zipper (not to me, it hasn’t), sneakers have lights on them (not with me, they
don’t), the Cold War is over, and the Rocky & Bullwinkle show is still
find out what the aftermath of their cancellation 35 years has caused for the
great Frostbite Falls.
Town Itself Is A Ghost Town, Destroyed By Re-Runs
Beautiful Frostbite Falls Forest Has Been Decimated
You, Slash N’Burn Lumber Company!!!
Wonderful Falls Above Veronica Lake Devastated. Damn You, Consolidated Sludge
Corporation And Your Toxic Crap!!!
The Narrator, Down On His Luck & Out Of A Job, Is Forced To Move In With
His Mother And Reduced To Narrating The Events Of His Own Life. Although the
Narrator’s Mom Is Pretty Damn Good At Her Job As Mother.
His Mom Hates When He Narrates About Her Life And Throws A Frying Pan At Him
Rocky & Bullwinkle Are Forced To Survive On Ever Diminishing Residuals From
Re-Runs Of Their Old Show.
They Seem Happy In A Melancholy Sort Of Way. That Damn Table Of Course Could
Use A New Stand For One Of The Legs (Which They Normally Use That Picture Book
I Think They Should Use Rocky.
Worked For Conker.
and their records keep skipping.
Rocky & Bullwinkle Can Sell Those Vinyl Records As They Are Sort Of Making
A Comeback With Hipsters Buying Them (For Some Reason).
also learn the Rocky The Flying Squirrel Hasn’t Flown In Years.
Then Tells Us “What’s The Point?”
is glum thinking the world doesn’t need them anymore, but Bullwinkle is still
optimistic (yeah, this is why people liked Bullwinkle despite being a moron as
he was always optimistic till the very end). Bullwinkle decides to go for a
walk in the woods, even though there are no woods as all the trees have been
cut down. After a stupid conversation, the narrator says that even their
word-play became hackneyed and cheap, which Bullwinkle responds that it has
always been that way.
were just as tough in the fictional place of Pottsylvania (a former Soviet
Sattelite) where the two Russians Boris Badenov and Natasha Fetale, as well as
their Nazi looking and speaking Fearless Leader still kind of run the place.
are about to have some old people shot when the fake wall falls on them and the
the citizens of Pottsylvania rejoiced in their new-found freedom
Some Of The Most Unmotivated “Yay”s I have Ever Heard
that happened, the three villains went underground and dug their way to Los
is a beautiful and smoggy day at Phony Pictures Studio (you really had to get
your digs into Sony, didn’t ya Universal?).
an ambitious junior executive Minnie Mogul was busy searching for a hot new
Shredding The Scripts She Hated. And Yes, That Is Janeane Garofalo In A Small
Role. Like I Said, There Were Lots Of People Who Grew Up With Rocky &
Bullwinkle (Either Through The Original Run Or Syndication) So Getting People
For This Was Easy As Pie.
three villains dig their way into a TV and talk to Minnie.
just get this out of the way and say that the voice acting for these characters
in their animated forms are fantastic (although Fearless Leader & Narrator
sound a little different, but not too much). The bad guys try to sell the film
rights to Rocky & Bullwinkle to Minnie Mogul (How do they have them? This
film (like with many things) will never answer) and of course being a
stereotypical airhead, has never heard of Rocky & Bullwinkle. They explain
that it is a classic cartoon from the early 60s and she is about to sign, but
is reluctant as it might help the villains take over the world. They ask why
not and she says that her pen is out of ink.
Course Fearless Leader Has A Pen And Tells Her To Use His. Typical Hollywood
Producers, They’ll Allow Three Villains To Take Over The World Just So They Can
Make Money Off A Movie.
the magic of digital technology, Minnie is able to sign the contract. She tries
to pull the contract, but also pulls out the three bad guys as well.
wants to know how this could happen and Fearless Leader just says they are
attached to the project.
three of course are Rene Russo as Natasha, Jason Alexander from “Seinfeld as
Boris, and Academy Award Winning Actor Robert De Niro as Fearless Leader. The
narrator says that even though the pun was weak, the contract was ironclad so
the three bid their farewells to Minnie and Minnie gets the contract for her
higher up, P.G Biggershot.
Doesn’t Like Moose Pictures & Is Played By Legendary Comedian Carl Reiner
while the motion picture was stymied, Bullwinkle decides to go to the White
House to talk to the President about saving the trees of Frostbite Falls. Rocky
says that it looks a little jammed and Bullwinkle asks how bad it could be.
Correctly Says “Look At All That Red Tape”.
that red tape may be bad for you to get to Washington D.C.,
It Will Save You From Demonic Spirits Coming Out From That Technology.
tells Rocky not to worry as he is sure the president will send for him after
all the letters he sent in. And here is a huge problem, how in the hell could
those letters ever reach the president of a real world when you are in a
fictional one. I guess the same way bad guys can enter the real world through a
TV which is “…shut up”.
matter seemed destined to rest, but six months later, the head of the FBI Cappy
Von Trapment calls Karen Sympathy into his office.
Is Being Played By Cute As A Button Piper Perabo And Cappy Is Played By Academy
Award Nominee Randy Quaid, The Older Brother Of A Bit More Successful Actor
is mentioned that Karen has been a bit of a screwup with her past assignments
and Cappy bets she is wondering why he picked her for this assignment. Cappy
then tells her that he is going to be frank in that this job should be handled
by the ideal FBI agent and she says she can be that agent. Cappy then asks her
if she is familiar with the Rocky & Bullwinkle show and initially Karen
reveals that she is a fan of the show, but calms down and basically plays it
off as she has never heard of them. Then 17 minutes later, Cappy and Karen are
at the White House and are in a meeting with President Signoff.
God, Why Would The American People Vote For The Guy Who Got As Secretary Of
Defense Fired By President Bill Pullman In Independence Day?!
now that we got that joke out of the way. President Signoff is played by great
character actor James Rebhorn. Cappy tells us as well as the President that
Fearless Leader, Natasha, and Boris have bought up all the cable channels and
will be airing a hypnotic channel called RBTV aka Really Bad Television.
then are introduced to our other cameo who will be playing advisors here like…
& Schoentell, Played By David Alan Grier And Jon Polito.
actually got a review by Damon Wayans and him from the past on this movie so
let’s see what they said.
you, David Alan Grier and Damon Wayans. Also Mr. President, why would you hire
as one of your advisors the guy who got his ass kicked by Blankman?
Measures tells the President that this channel is going to show shows so
terrible that it will turn whoever watches it into a mindless zombie incapable
of independent thought. Schoentell then says that is totally different than
That Regular TV Would Love To Do That To People
says that the RBTV telecast starts on Noon Saturday and by 8 pm that night,
Fearless Leader will have enough viewers that he can go on the air and make the
whole country vote for him as president. Signoff then says he wants to still be
president so this becomes a national crisis. He then asks his top generals for
any recommendations like General Foods, General Store, and General Admission.
They have no ideas. Cappy says that he has already sent three of their best to
infiltrate RBTV, but they have disappeared. He then says there might be a mole
at the White House. Signoff says this is ridiculous.
Though He Is Standing Right Next To A Damn Mole And It Is Played By The Same
Guy Who Was The Main Person To Be In The Howard The Duck Suit (He Also Played
The Pinata From Pinata: Survival Island).
then says that their only chance is to call forth Rocky & Bullwinkle to
stop them (even honestly, calling the National Guard or any kind of authority
is a better option). After that meeting, Cappy tells Karen that she has 46
hours to get Rocky & Bullwinkle to New York and foil Fearless Leader’s
scheme. Karen asks how she is supposed to do that and Cappy says the three
villains were able to get out of the cartoon world so she better figure it out.
within that same hour, Karen was on route to Hollywood. She sneaks into a
studio and hopes to get the Rocky & Bullwinkle movie…the green light. And
when we say green light.
Mean She Has To Sneak Into The Studio’s Green Lighthouse
gets passed the patrolling guards and the guards on the monitor who is sleeping
on the job. So how you ask is she going to get up that Green Lighthouse?
A Trampoline, Dammit.
All Members Of The Spirit Squad As Sin Cara Are Taking Notes
Guards Must Have Terrible Peripheral Vision To Not Notice This
then picks the lock to the Green Lighthouse and is able to activate the Green
Hoping She Bungles This One Up And Introduces Godzilla Into The Real World
she is able to do this kind of right (pulling Fantasy Adventure & Road
Comedy???) and goes for Rocky & Bullwinkle, while alerting security guards.
Only Come Because It Also Has An Alarm. These Guards Are Useless.
in animated land, Rocky & Bullwinkle notice the green light and Bullwinkle
thinks the President is beaming them to Washington Rocky correctly states that
it isn’t the president, but instead the green light, which zaps them and takes
them to the real world.
also take the narrator with them to as his mother tells him good-bye.
finally land in the real world and…
Dear God, Does That CGI Look Bad!!!
in the Behind the Scenes, the director actually claimed this effect was
intentional, calling it 2 & ½ D, so they can try to get the characters to
look like cartoons in the real world. Uh-hm…that isn’t how it works. I mean you
showed earlier that the bad guys being sent to our world have real bodies. You
should do is hire a costume expert to do a very well animatronic costume of the
two with actors in them (like in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which was made
10 years before this film) or at the very least, get the best CGI you could
find to make them look realistic as possible. You can’t have bad guys come in
our world looking one way and then our heroes entering the world looking
another because…dear god, can you please get this one, Bruce Wayne from Batman
Just Raises Too Many Questions.
you, Bruce. So many unanswered problems with this. Rocky asks Bullwinkle if he
is alright and Bullwinkle says he is, but they think they are on the wrong show
as look at Karen here. My sentiments exactly, Bullwinkle.
is about to geek out over seeing these two, but she remembers her FBI training
and hides it. Karen then explains that she is from the FBI and she needs there
help to stop Boris, Natasha, and Fearless Leader, who they totally know who
they are. I say that because in the show, Rocky & Bullwinkle (especially
Bullwinkle) never really knew of their existence. Anyway, guards come and Karen
says they need to get out of there, which Bullwinkle tries to use the
commercial break…which thankfully doesn’t work in the real world (although
Bullwinkle has a nice quip asking if this is PBS).
tries to have Rocky fly, but unfortunately Rocky hasn’t flown for a while so he
forgot and falls off the tower after trying (being a cartoon keeps him alive).
Karen has Bullwinkle on her back as she climbs down with the rope. While this
whole scene is going on, we had jokes showing Bullwinkle is a moron. One of
which is getting stuck escaping through the door with his antlers and only
Karen showing him to turn his head so he can get out. The other is this gem.
Karen: Bullwinkle, can
Bullwinkle: Sure, I have been
repelling viewers for years.
asked if she ever watched their show, Karen admits that she loved their show
and wanted to have adventures like they do, which is why she joined the Bureau.
She tries to say that little girl doesn’t exist anymore as they don’t want her
kind in the FBI.
She Still Exists In Karen’s Eyes.
they drive, she explains that they need to get there in 40 hours. Rocky then
asks the sensible question of why they take an airplane. Bullwinkle responds by
saying then it wouldn’t be a road movie.
so that is why that lever for Road Comedy was pulled, I guess. But this still
makes no sense and oh yeah, spoiler alert…this is going to be rendered bullshit
later in the movie. Oh and we get a joke about Bullwinkle’s antlers picking up
radio waves as well as Bullwinkle not knowing what Hip Hop is.
Has To Cover His Nose To Stop The Radio Signals. This Makes Sense
notes that they don’t have that type of music in Frostbite Falls and if a lot
has changed in 35 years. Karen then tells him to just wait and see. As we get
to the next day, we hear that we are heading to the Beckoning Horizon of a
strange new three dimensional world.
day Fearless Leader finally gets news from the mole that Rocky & Bullwinkle
are coming. He also introduces his machine, which will amplify bad shows’ mind
numbing qualities so that the audience is completely hypnotized. They then
proceed with the test of if the machine works as the bad guys and their lackies
put on protective glasses.
of the shows are:
machine works and the test audience are now mindless zombies.
bad guys celebrate with…
have no words to explain this. Fearless Leader then asks how many times Moose
& Squirrel have bunglingly interfered with their plans and Boris answers
with twenty eight times. Fearless Leader immediately tells Boris to shut up.
Fearless Leader wants Boris and Natasha to destroy them personally. Fearless
Leader then reveals that there has never been a way to destroy a cartoon
character until now. An aid asks about that movie called Roger Rabbit and
Fearless Leader tells him to shut up as this is totally different.
reveals the computer degenerating imagery. They have a little girl scientist
named Sydney explain the machine and she even calls it the CDI.
Couldn’t Help Myself!!!
bring in a test subject, which is an animated cartoon.
have no idea how they did this and the film doesn’t explain this either. Only
thing of note is why is this character as well as Rocky & Bullwinkle
animated and not the bad guys? This film has too many plot holes that they
cannot all be explained by the old “shut up”. Sydney explains that they sent
him where all worthless cyber junk goes to, which is the internet. You better
not be calling my work “worthless junk”, Sydney.
They Zap The Animated Weasel To The Internet
gives Boris & Natasha a giant manual which she wants them to read so they
can work the machine. So the bad guys throw the CDI and the manual in the back
of their truck along with their other ways of destroying our heroes.
Classics Are Always Timeless
then get a strange moment where Fearless Leader does a video diary. It is
absolutely pointless and should have been cut from the film.
our heroes are driving, Karen tells them that she used to be optimistic like
them, but if she has learned anything in the FBI, life is not a cartoon.
Are Then Attacked By Cartoon Weaponry. Also The Bad Guys Got There Pretty Fast
Considering They Were Also Driving And They Got Stuck In Traffic Last Time We
then get this sign, which tells them they might want to get out of the car.
Now That Is Just Impractical
get out of the car and it crashes.
Before It Even Hits The Ground
are all alright, but Boris and Natasha tell them that it won’t be for long as
they have a cannon ready.
an old classic of Rocky and Bullwinkle and it goes exactly like all the others.
Boris and Natasha light the cannon; they move out of the way to cover their
ears; cannon is stopped; bad guys ask “where is boom”; and good guys get away.
This time, they steal the bad guys RBTV truck, which had the back left open so
all the crap they brought with them falls out. The bad guys decide to read
manual as it is time to update their technique.
get a phone call from Fearless Leader, who asks about their progress. They try
to lie to him, but he rips off Robert De Niro’s dialogue from Taxi Driver.
Considering that it is Robert De Niro playing Fearless Leader and he has that
terrible interpretation of Fearless Leader’s voice, it is awful. Anyway, he
knows they are lying.
Boris And Natasha Are Like “Not This Shit Again”.
& Bullwinkle are not happy about them stealing the vehicle, even though it
was from the bad guys who wrecked their car, as they are supposed to be the
heroes. Bullwinkle gets the “Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right” line several times.
It ended up being the first fight between Karen and the two animated heroes.
They go to Oklahoma as Boris and Natasha are several states behind them and
steal a helicopter from this cameo.
Jonathan Winters In One Of Three Roles For This Film
bad guys steal the map from the camera which explains where the two are to
catch up with the stolen truck. No seriously, narrator is shows the map of
where the two are in conjunction and says there no way the two bad guys could
catch up and then the bad guys grab the map while the narrator says they can’t
do that (apparently they can). The narrator calls the two cheaters and they say
Natasha calls the state police, saying she is Karen Sympathy and saying that
she is reporting a stolen vehicle. Back in the truck, Karen apologizes for
yelling at them, but tells them that they do not understand that she cannot
mess up this time. Rocky realizes there have been other times she has done
stuff and Bullwinkle wants Karen to tell them about herself. She says that she
has made mistakes in the past and she can’t blow this one as the whole world
depends on it. Also she cannot do this without Rocky & Bullwinkle’s help,
which they agree that she can count on them. Everything seems alright until
Karen jinxes herself by saying they will make a great team. They then get
busted by Oklahoma Cops, who are being filmed for Made Up Stories From The Real
By John Goodman
I have heard from critics that this whole situation would have been handled if
she just showed them her badge. Well, this should have been handled that way,
but…I can show you that she did do that and the officers didn’t care.
these cops still believe the person with a heavy Pottsylvania accent is Karen
Sympathy and fail to…you know, actually call the agency because they could
actually back up who Karen Sympathy is and who is the poser. As Karen tries to
tell the cops who she really is, the lead cop says that sure she is and he is
John Goodman before arresting her while leaving Rocky & Bullwinkle loose
because the cops believe they are animals (despite the fact that are walking on
two legs and they can talk). I guess I should also mention during this whole
scene Rocky & Bullwinkle’s faces are covered by mosaic.
walking alone and Bullwinkle doing some bad jokes, Rocky tries to fly ahead,
but he still can’t fly. They try hitchhiking, but like the narrator says, no
one wants to take a chance on the six foot, seven inches taking moose and a
flying squirrel who couldn’t fly. They even try to get in front of a bus to
halt them, but the truck just flattens them.
look bad for the two, but they finally get picked by two kids named Martin
By Kenan Thompson And Kel Mitchell
on Nickelodeon, Kenan & Kel had their own hit series (aptly named Keenan
& Kel) and so they were definitely put on this show for the kids. Problem
is by the time this film was released, Kenan & Kel ended so having them in
this movie AFTER their show got done with its run and Kenan & Kel were
losing popularity (especially after the terrible Good Burger movie) was not
wise. Anyway, Martin & Lewis (definite nods to another duo Dean Martin
and Jimmy Lewis) mention to them that they are from Wossamatta U., which
Rocky & Bullwinkle say that school was their alma mater.
let’s get this done with……Wossamatta U. was a story arch in the fifth season
where they were offered scholarships to the place because the two were good at
football and the school was rather terrible in that department. They needed
them to help them defeat the Mud City Manglers who are coached by Fearless
Leader. So yes, there is some storyline continuity. But we’ll get to the
and Natasha then conceive of an evil plan, which is give money to Wossamatta
University, which is in the real world here. Yeah, Wossamatta U. is a fictional
college so why in the blue hell it is in the real world is anyone’s freaking
guess. Anyway, the two villains made a sizeable donation in Bullwinkle’s name
so the dean is giving Bullwinkle an honorary “Mooster’s Degree”.
And A Cameo From Norman Lloyd From St. Elsewhere
the plan is for Moose to be at the podium during acceptance speech, they will
zap him with the CDI. Unfortunately, Wossamatta U. has no water tower so they
have to build one.
They Do This. No Building Permits Or Anything…Just Go Ahead And Build A Water
Tower Near Our Stage. Nothing Suspicious About This At All
in prison, Karen is breaking rocks, a common staple of prison in classic
So She Isn’t Actually Doing That Work, But She Is In The Vicinity.
she is under the watchful eye of a Swedish-American guard named Ole.
is a moron who has a crush on Karen and she uses that advantage to get him to
sneak her out of prison under the guise of it only being for a little while and
she will be just seeing a movie with him.
back with our animated characters as well as Martin & Lewis, they get a fax
from their car.
Fax Machines (Yes, In Some Models, They Do Exist)…This Isn’t Dated At All.
Hell, This Was Already Somewhat Dated When The Film Was Released. Also The
Narrator Said This Would Be For A Mooster’s Degree, But The Paper Here Says
Bullwinkle Is Getting A Doctorate.
Rocky saying they don’t have time to do this ceremony today, Bullwinkle is able
to convince everyone that they should go to Wossamatta U. so he can do the
speech. Oh and Martin explains that the university has been in live action form
since the show went into re-runs in 1964. How did they do that, we will never
know because this film just expects you to accept that. If this was a one-time
occurrence where things from the animated show come from the real world are all
in the same way, I would accept this. But we have some people or places coming
out live action and some people coming out in animated form. This is a mess.
Rocky & Bullwinkle explain that they were in reruns and Martin & Lewis
joke about that never happening to them.
the speech is not well received by some people who are anti-cartoon and have
formed a protest which is called an “Anti-Moose March”.
Should Be Mention That One Of These Students Is Taraji Henson And Another Of
These Students Later Became Dr. Jack Hodgins On Bones. Both Uncredited Roles,
But Both Are In This Crowd Protesting This Speech.
the speech, Rocky sees Boris and Natasha on the finished water tower, about
to zap Bullwinkle. Rocky tries to warn Bullwinkle, but his voice doesn’t carry
over the voices of the protesters so Rocky has to take care of this himself.
Rocky finally flies although he really doesn’t have much control over his
flying and crashes into Boris and knocks the CDI. Boris tries to catch it, but
forgets that he is no longer animated so he falls.
Thankfully He Lands On Some Protestors So He Doesn’t Die. Their Health On The
Other Hand…Doesn’t Matter To This Film.
CDI lands on Boris’ head, which knocks out Badenov. Rocky crashes into the
dean, which causes the students to cheer and Bullwinkle thinks the crowd
actually likes him while Rocky believes he will never fly again. They continue
to listen and because Bullwinkle’s speech is inane, that the students couldn’t
find anything to be offended by. Yes, this film wants us to believe that no one
will be offended by your speech if you make no sense whatsoever and will cheer
you because of it. Yeah, I don’t know if the producers know what trolling is.
World’s First Troll
bid their fond farewells (with Bullwinkle talking to a wall for a joke). The
dean thanks them for bringing unity back to the campus with their ludicrous
remarks. Martin & Lewis say they would like to come with our animated
heroes, but they don’t want to get hurt. Martin & Lewis also give them the
car as a sign of their appreciation for giving them hope for America again.
Immediately Crash The Car
drive off as Boris and Natasha go after them after recovering from the
Student Infirmary. Back with Ole and Karen, Karen tells Ole to get the tickets
while she parks the car. Ole (being a dummy) agrees with this and allows Karen
to drive off without ever realizing she played him like a fool.
Indiana, Karen sees that RBTV is on the air and some people are already
hypnotized by it.
Spy On The TV Is Played By Paget Brewster, Who Most Of You Will Know As Emily
Prentiss From Criminal Minds. She Is Also A Pretty Good Voice Actress Too And
Played A Much Better Audrey Timmonds In The Underrated Late 90s Godzilla
Cartoon Than Maria Pitillo Did In That Crappy Godzilla Movie The Cartoon Was
Based Off Of.
at RBTV Headquarters, Fearless Leader talks about how he loves his RBTV and
gets word that 30% of Americans are already under the channel’s mind control.
He says that he will give his speech at 8 pm tonight. Meanwhile, while Ole is
still oblivious to Karen’s escape, the jail knows she escaped and has police
cars going after her while the prison is on lockdown.
in Chicago, Rocky & Bullwinkle are being chased by Boris and Natasha, who
are in a helicopter. They get a ramp thanks to two guys with Italian accents.
Played By Don Novello, Otherwise Known On SNL As Father Guido Sarducci
Rocky & Bullwinkle’s car lands on a truck, Boris and Natasha try to shoot
them with the CDI. Unfortunately for the two bad guys, they forget there is
such a thing as a windshield on a helicopter so they end up shooting their own
two fall, but good news for them is they land on mattresses being carried by a
By A Billy Crystal Cameo…Not Bad Since I Wouldn’t Mind Renee Russo Falling On
Boris & Natasha were forced to buy a rental car. Meanwhile, Bullwinkle &
Rocky finally meet up with Karen, lying to them about being pardoned. But that
reunion is short-lived as they are all arrested by the Ohio cops.
Cop Here Is Also A Jonathan Winters Cameo
cut immediately to their trial with Judge Cameo presiding.
By A Whoopi Goldberg Cameo
asks who speaks for the defense and Bullwinkle says he does.
& Rocky Realize They Are In Trouble
Cameo then reads off the charges which are one count of grand theft auto, one
count of breaking out of jail, one count of impugning the character of a prison
guard, four counts of reckless driving, five counts of talking to the audience,
and eighteen counts of bad punning (which Bullwinkle makes nineteen counts by
making another bad pun).
asks counsel to call their first witness, which Bullwinkle does with Karen
Sympathy. Hold on, that’s not how a trial works. It is ALWAYS the prosecution
that starts the trial with their witnesses. So you can count another thing
wrong with this movie in that they don’t know how a criminal trial works.
Karen is not happy about being the first witness and it doesn’t help as
Bullwinkle being an idiot, acts like the prosecutor in damaging Karen’s
character and making her look super guilty. Oh and he also references the
plotholes and explains them away with they don’t know, they didn’t write the
script. You do know when you do something like this, you are flat out saying
that you suck as a scriptwriter. He then says “Your witness” to the prosecutor,
who is now getting confused by what sides they are on.
By Comedian Jeffrey Ross
prosecutor then gives his opening remarks (seriously they don’t know how a
trial works) saying it is time we show the world that no quarter will be given
to celebrity defendants. This wakes up Judge Cameo who doesn’t even realize
there are celebrities in the room. She then gets her glasses on and realizes
that Rocky & Bullwinkle are the defendants. After geeking out for a minute,
she tells the prosecutor that there is a law that says celebrities are above
the law so she ends this case. So the two are free based on stupid
A Sham Of A Trial
they are back on the road, but they only have three hours left. They then are
able to find a cheap airplane that they get.
The Final Jonathan Winters Cameo
and Natasha try to stop them, but they are stopped by the rental agents (who
are like cops) because their rental agreement expired.
trio fly off while the salesman tries to yell that they shouldn’t fly that as
the plan can’t carry the weight of three people. Wait, wait, wait…what happened
to this whole road movie. Remember they said earlier that they have to take a
car so this can be a road movie? Yeah, this movie just decided to just give the
middle finger to the audience and basically announce, “Hey, most of the first
2/3rds of the movie were us wasting your damn time”.
Boris and Natasha once again are defeated and are saddened by the continuous
defeats. Natasha talks about how she is tired of all of this and wants to run
away with Boris. Natasha tries to kiss him, but they are interrupted by the phone
call from Fearless Leader. We also get Boris telling the dog he was saved by
the bell (which I totally would disagree with as I would accept Natasha’s
offer). Fearless Leader wants to know if Moose & Squirrel are dead. Boris
is about to say no, but Natasha interrupts by lying and saying yes, they got the
job done. After the phone call where Fearless Leader says he wants them to be
with him on his moment of triumph so he is getting them a private jet, Boris
yells at Natasha for lying. Natasha then says to him that the heroes can’t make
it to New York in that crappy plane by 8 pm and even if they did, how could
they stop the bad guys now. He agrees with her and raises his fist in triumph.
while the bad guys are celebrating their success, the good guys are actually
having bad luck as that plane the salesman warned us about couldn’t carry that
much weight, is starting to fall apart. Karen wants Rocky to fly Bullwinkle
down, but Rocky says Bullwinkle is a huge moose, which Bullwinkle takes offense
to. Karen asks if Bullwinkle can fly, which he says he can (considering his
past experiences with things he “can do”, that isn’t good. Karen wants Rocky to
fly her down, but Rocky doesn’t even know if that is a good idea, considering
his flying has been questionable in this film thus far.
stands on the plane and tries to give Rocky comfort while Bullwinkle takes
control of the plane, but standing on a plane (especially if you are a real
person) is a terrible idea and Karen falls. It is here that Rocky has a dilemma
in getting over his flying issues or letting Karen die. Of course, Rocky tries
and it is that moment that Rocky finally re-learns how to fly correctly. We get
“Dreamer” by Supertramp for this scene of Rocky finally doing it.
flies ahead and says he’ll meet them in New York. Meanwhile, we see the
villains in the private jet taking a bath together and celebrating.
Don’t Believe I Am Alone Here In Actually Envying Jason Alexander Right Now
& Karen arrive in New York City, however Bullwinkle is terrible with
direction so he of course is not there to meet them at all. Karen sees that
there are so many people in the streets looking at RBTV so she cannot wait for
Bullwinkle to show up. They sneak into RBTV behind a limo carrying Boris and
Natasha. As they happily tell Fearless Leader again that they killed Rocky
& Bullwinkle, Fearless Leader is happy and has everyone along with him sing
the apparent Pottsylvania National Anthem.
Is Rather Random
Fearless Leader treats Boris and Natasha like dogs, throwing chocolates like
dog treats which they catch in their mouths. Suddenly, Karen & Rocky storm
into the studio with Karen having a gun and yelling for everyone to put their
hands on high.
Leader calls Boris and Natasha idiots and the two subordinates spit out their
chocolate treat. Fearless Leader turns on the TV and Karen tries to tell Rocky
not to look at the screen, but it is too late as Rocky is now a mindless
zombie. Karen turns her back and that allows the villains to capture her.
Leader then tells Karen Sympathy that he has been waiting for an enemy who he
could respect and then gloats that he is still waiting.
only hope now is in Bullwinkle, but like I said, Bullwinkle is bad with
directions so he is actually in Washington DC and not New York City. He lands
on the White House lawn
I Didn’t Say He Landed Safely
unlike the idiot gyrocopter pilot who did so just recently, Bullwinkle is not
hounded by Secret Service agents thanks to RBTV. Inside, Bullwinkle finds that
President Signoff has also succumbed to the mind numbing powers of RBTV.
at RBTV headquarters, Fearless Leader releases Rocky from the zombification so
that he can share his evil plan for them. He reveals the three agents who were
missing from earlier and that he turned them into vegetables.
Agent With The Radish Head Is Jane Edith Wilson. The Agent With The Carrot Head
Is Legendary Actor Who Puts On Costumes Doug Jones (Abe Sapien From Hellboy
Series, Silver Surfer In That Terrible Fantastic Four Sequel, & Fauno &
The Pale Man With Eyes On His Hands In Pan’s Labyrinth. The Man In The Potato
Suit Is Mark Holton (Francis Buxton In Pee Wee’s Big Adventure)
Might Also Remember Him As Dim-Witted Ozzie In Leprechaun
says they will share the same fate as they will also be hooked up to the
Quality Control Machine. Karen asks for Fearless Leader to leave America alone,
but Fearless Leader laughs. Karen then gives a speech that she learned from
Rocky that you have to be who you are and not giving into the pressures of others.
Fearless Leader is unimpressed and turns Rocky & Karen into vegetables.
still being an idiot tries to talk to the president about the trees in
Frostbite Falls being gone, but the president is too much of a zombie to speak.
Bullwinkle watches the television despite Cappy trying to tell him not to.
I Have A Feeling This Is What Randy Quaid Is Like At Home Now
thinks Bullwinkle may have turned, but Bullwinkle looks at Cappy and says TV
isn’t what it used to be. We find out from that Bullwinkle’s head is so thick
that the waves of RBTV can’t faze him whatsoever. Cappy introduces himself and
says that he needs Bullwinkle’s help to stop Fearless Leader’s plans. Cappy is
about to give up hope, but Bullwinkle says “if only there was some way of
transmitting computer animated characters across great distances in the blink
of an eye”. Cappy then realizes that there is a way which is to send Bullwinkle
to RBTV via an email.
Stuffs Bullwinkle Into A Scanner Drive
then get a pretty cool scene of Bullwinkle surfing the internet.
The Internet Was Like What People Believed It Was Like In Stupid Ass 90s PSAs.
traveling, Bullwinkle also passes by the Weasel from earlier, who seems to be
having fun in the internet.
appears on the RBTV screen and sits on the print button by accident, which
allows him to be printed into RBTV headquarters.
Leader starts his speech, basically saying that he wants people to vote for him
as President of the United States. His speech is interrupted when Bullwinkle
appears and his antlers screw up the signal.
antennas also turn Karen and Rocky back to normal.
finally has to yell to Fearless Leader that “Moose is loose” and Fearless
Leader gives what was my face after this movie was over.
Leader then yells for everyone to get them and unlike in the cartoon, Rocky
& Bullwinkle actually kick ass. Karen takes out Boris and Natasha while
Bullwinkle uses his antlers to throw one person through a windows and another
into a TV.
runs and gores Fearless Leader.
then grabs some rope and ties all three villains up while Karen grabs a gun and
holds everyone else at bay.
tells Bullwinkle to finish the speech so he does. Bullwinkle tells the viewing
audience to vote for whoever the hell they want to vote for.
also tells them to turn off the TV and to whoever wins, replant the trees in
Frostbite Falls. So everyone did just that. Karen then took a mallet to the
Quality Control Machine.
She Didn’t Use Any Pun Before Doing So
the machine was destroyed the three agents who were vegetables were turned back
and balloons rains down from the ceiling for no reason and Bullwinkle messes
with the CDI, which accidentally activates it. But luckily for them it
ricochets and shoots the bad guys, who for some strange reason get shot into
This Somehow Shoots Them Into The Internet Where They Would Be Heard From No
More…Until The Internet Becomes A Big Huge Thing And Basically Replaces Modern
TV For The Most Part.
in Washington DC, Rocky and Bullwinkle are stars once again and RBTV changed their name from Really Bad TV to Rocky & Bullwinkle
Television, which Bullwinkle asks what’s the difference. Karen asks Cappy why
she was chosen and Cappy said the FBI is all about results and her idealistic
mind was perfect for the job. She thanks Rocky & Bullwinkle and after being
asked where she is going, she says she has something she has to do. That
something of course is driving back to go to that movie with Ole.
Had A Campfire Outside The Theater And Everything. That Is Dedication If You
Ask Me Or Just Plain Being A Moron.
hold hands at the movie and watch what essentially is a Rocky & Bullwinkle
Narrator comes home to his mom and we see Rocky & Bullwinkle back to their
usual self in this movie….even though they now have no villains to deal with.
Rocky flies into the sky and spells out The End.
during the credits, Rocky & Bullwinkle fight with Boris, Natasha, and
Fearless Leader over control of the credits. And that ends this movie.
this was there attempt to make Rocky & Bullwinkle big, it failed big time.
On a $76 million budget, this film only made $35 million worldwide, which is
less than half. This (along with the bomb that was Dudley Doo-Right) also
caused Jay Ward cartoon properties to not be made for a long time (despite the
success of the George In The Jungle movie). It wasn’t until last year that they
tried again with Mr. Peabody & Sherman, which was smartly made an animated
feature and after writing 20 minutes of bullshit that tries to place these two in
the real world, the writer decided to just fuck all that and go with why the
cartoon was so popular (namely having them go through time and shenanigans
happen). That movie was a huge success. And with films like the Smurfs and Alvin & The Chipmunks being a success in the 2010s, I think this Rocky & Bullwinkle film could have succeeded if it was released 10 years after when it was released.
critics were mixed on this movie with Roger Ebert liking it to most critics
being rather disappointed. The movie got nominated for one Razzie for Rene
Russo’s performance, but thankfully it was beaten out for that dishonor by
Kelly Preston as tongue girl in Battlefield Earth. Despite being actually good
in the film, Jason Alexander says that he only did the film for money and has
since apologized for doing it, an apology that has replayed a number of times
on the Howard Stern Show.
Russo (while still doing films) has done less and less films and has focused on
being a mother while battling bipolar disease. Robert De Niro is still Robert
De Niro, which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes a bad thing. Jason
Alexander has sadly still not been able to shake the Seinfeld curse and has
dealt with bad movies and cancelled TV shows. Piper Perabo was someone who they
were really trying to push to stardom (with this along with Coyote Ugly), but
she has had to settle with being a great supporting player and while she did
have a hit TV show she starred in called Covert Affairs (where she met her
husband), it ultimately got cancelled due to low ratings in the later seasons.
She also is in a movie I really need to see as it has been delayed for a while,
called Into The Grizzly Maze, where two brothers are in Alaska and are being
stalked by a killer Grizzly Bear (you might have heard of it from its past
names of Red Machine, Endangered, and Grizzly).
basically joked about Randy Quaid being crazy and that is for very good reason.
In 2006, he sued Brokeback Mountain for pay reasons. He and his agent says he
got a bonus so he dropped the lawsuit although the producers deny that. He and
his wife got arrested for spending a night at a hotel and left after not paying
for the $10,000 they owe for the stay and whatever they did there. They were
released on bail and then proceeded to not show up for court dates. Randy’s
case was ultimately dismissed and the wife had to deal with probation and
community service. They then got arrested a couple months later for breaking
into and living in a guest house without permission. Adding to the weirdness
was it was property they had already sold to the current owners. Randy Quaid
just recently got released from jail for that crap. During that whole case, the
two tried to run away to Canada, but Canada was like “Fuck that noise”. They
also produced a small documentary about something they believe in called Star
Whackers, basically believing that there was a criminal conspiracy to kill
celebrities and then blame it on other things, like drugs or autoerotic
asphyxiation. It was reviewed as drugged out dreck by one critic and while it
was shown one time, it has never been released otherwise. He also apparently
abused his fellow stage performers in a musical he was on.
there have been several members of the cast who have sadly passed away. Harrison
Young (who played General Foods) died at the age of 75 in 2005. A few days
later, Myrna Niles (who played Average Grandma) died at the age of 72 due to
complications after a fall. Jonathan Winters (who had 3 roles in the film) died
in 2013 at the age of 87 of natural causes. His last role was as Papa Smurf in
the 2 Smurf movies. John Brandon (who played General Admission) died in 2014.
But the most heartbreaking of all was a few months before that when James
Rebhorn (who played President Signoff) died at the age of 65 due to
complications from melanoma.
for my opinion of this film and yeah, it definitely is a disappointment to the
cartoon it is based off of. While some of the jokes were on the nose and would
have done very well in the cartoon, this film suffers from a script that
brought plotholes in, told you that the film knew about the plotholes, and
failed to fix them and just basically told you to shut up. It basically kept
telling that it knows it is a bad movie and never getting around to making
itself good in a meta sense. It is kind of like WCW, it can tell you
continually that it is bad, but with nothing to argue that it isn’t bad…it
makes the viewer agree that it is bad. As far as the acting goes, the voice
acting is very good here. Jason Alexander should really not be embarrassed by
this because he actually did a good job, even if he did do it for the money. Piper
Perabo is as cute as a button and she plays that pretty good here. Renee Russo
is just okay and is not deserving of the Razzie nomination she received. If
anyone deserved a Razzie (besides the scriptwriter), it is Robert De Niro. His
“method acting” on this character was just mind numbingly bad. But in the end,
this does deserve its place in the unhallowed halls of Monster Crap.
onto June and since NegaSeth has decided to not show up today, I guess I’ll
have to intro the next film. Well, this poll was interesting for three days and
afterward, it basically became a runaway for one film and considering it is the
most well-known of the films here, I’m not surprised it got the W. So let’s
introduce the film that I have to induct next.