Well, it's that time once again to where I get to subject that lower being known as Seth Drakin to another film that is bad. This time however, I have decided to have a little wintery fun and choose ten choices of films that celebrate the cold wonderland. Will you be giving him holiday cheer with something he can enjoy riffing on or will you do what I want and give him something to hopefully ice that heart of his. The choice is all yours.
Who Would Have Known That There Was More Than One Terrible Jack Frost Film? Well Everyone Obviously, But Did You Know That The Terrible Title Of Jack Frost Is Not Exclusive To The 90s? And Did You Know That It Is From Freaking Russia
The Original Is A Classic Slasher Film Done A Year Before Halloween And Directed By The Man Who Would Later Direct A Christmas Story. The Remake Tries To Use Gore And Colors To Cover Up A Film That Is Lifeless With Characters That Are Unlikable
The Day The Earth Froze (1959)
Everyone Wants That Damn Sampo. Evil Witches Will Even Steal The Sun And Turn The World Into A Dark Freezing Nightmare For The Device That Is The Ultimate Deus Ex Machina In Life. And This Poster Wants You To Believe There Is Terror...Even Though This Film Isnt That Terrifying Nor Does It Ever Intend To Be That.
Welcome To New Alcatraz Where All You Have To Fear Is The Weather, The Small Security Led By Superman, And The Terribly CGI Snake That Some Moron Dug Out Of The Ice.
Ice Spiders (2007)
I Don't Think I Really Need To Explain How Bad This Film Is And How It Belongs On Monster Crap, All You Have To Do Is Look At The Title And Say, "Yep...That Is Monster Crap"
The Thaw (2009)
The Ice Has Thawed Out Some Terribly CGI Parasitic Bugs That Were Inside A Dead Wooly Mammoth. Oh And We Get To See How Far Val Kilmer's Career Has Sunken Since The Days When He Was Batman.
Blood Glacier (2014)
You Are Watching A Film That Wants So Badly To Be Like John Carpenter's The Thing, But Ultimately Fails In The End With Its Execution.
Frostbiter: Wrath of the Wendigo (1996)
Made In 1988, But Released In 1996. Frostbiter Is A Strange Film That Involves A Deer Like Monstrosity With The Wendigo And A Scene With Campers Dealing With Demons Made Out Of Chili. Oh And It Stars One Of The Guitarists For Iggy Pop's Band The Stooges.
The Santa Clause 2
Tim Allen Returns To The Sequel To A Film That Probably Should Have Been Just One Installment Instead Of The Trilogy That Was Made. In This Film, Santa Claus Has To Find A Mrs. Clause And Then Deal With His Robotic Doppelganger Who Has Determined That Everyone Is Naughty, Something Futurama Did So Much Better.
The Boogens (1981)
What Are You Going To Do When Turtle Like Monsters From A Cave Come To Eat You? It Definitely Will Be Something Very Cheesy.