And Flunk Out
Well, it is June and as you all know, kids are getting out of school for summer vacation and high school seniors are graduating and most are getting prepared to go to college. With all that, let’s go back to the franchise that joins Godzilla and Gamera as the franchise with more than two films inducted into Monster Crap, the Ghoulies. You see, after the enjoyable romp that was Ghoulies 2, Full Moon probably figured out that if their monsters show their mischievous side, then they might make good movies with them. And in Ghoulies III, the filmmakers decided that the Ghoulies should talk, which is a smart move.
But of course, with some good things……there are some drawbacks. Like for some reason, the number of Ghoulies is at only 3. Yes, several of the Ghoulies from the sequel were left out of this third one. The director of this third film would be the guy whose effects created the Ghoulies, John Carl Buechler, who at this time also had several directorial films under his belt. Sadly none of his films have been any that I have liked. The two films that he did before this were 1986’s Troll…..
Remember How I Ripped On Troll 2, Well………..The Predecessor To That Film Was Not Even Enjoyably Bad
And of course, he did Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Despite The Great Effects On Jason, This Is One Of My Least Favorite of the Friday The 13th films.
So the director has a suspicious track record as far as I am concerned and as for the actors, well………only one of them had really done anything at the time this straight to video film was done and that is Kevin McCarthy…..
As Evil Network Exec RJ Fletcher In 1989’s UHF
So yeah, not too much promise so let’s get into this film.
We begin this film with the opening title.
So Just Ghoulies Go To College…..No Ghoulies III In The Film??? Okay……….
We then learn that we are 21 years ago from the present.
Throwing Eggs At Banners
Putting A Condom On The Statue Of Their Mascot
Stealing A Stuffed Goat
Timing The Sprinklers Just Right So That They Turn On While People Are Walking Through, Getting Them Wet
Hanging Up Stolen Goat And Dressing It Up In Ridiculous Fashion
Rigging A Mop So That The Janitor Accidentally Knocks The Bucket Down The Stars
Of course that last stunt goes a little overboard because first while trying to get the mop, the janitor accidentally rams his gonads into a stair rail.
You Know, I’m Already Missing The Ghoulies
Anyway, through an accident………he finds the comic hidden in the wall.
But From Jeremy Instead……
You know……..for every time this Jeremy guy shows up………I’m gonna play Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” for myself and show a clip from the music video for you so here we go.
When RJ Fletcher Speaks, You Better Listen
Ragner makes a speech about how this is an institution of learning and he will not tolerate any of these pranks going on in his classroom. He then talks about the story of Pandora’s Box, which gets some juvenile laughs. Yes………….laugh at the ides of Pandora’s lovely box, you disgust me kids.
He has other students who are making out in class, which he puts a stop too. In high school, that was grounds for a trip to the principal’s office……..not that I partook in any classroom making out, I merely saw others doing it and saw what happened when they got caught. Unfortunately the male guy making out stupidly didn’t grab is class book and instead grabbed the comic book. Ragnar confiscates the comic book. He starts to read the book out loud and stops before the Ghoulies are released again. Ragnar does keep the comic and thankfully we will get back to class. Ragnar wants to have a pop quiz, but a planted inflatable gator interrupts that.
We then cut to a Beta cutting a pizza with an axe.
As You Will Find Out Later, This Actor Actually Had A Notable Career. But Seriously If This Movie Is Anything, I Really Don’t Know How….
We also meet Wes who is making out with Veronica. They decide to take the action upstairs.
Strange Random Toilet
Anyway, the first Ghoulie that appears is the Fish Ghoulie, followed by the Cat Ghoulie and the Rat Ghoulie.
Anyway, the Ghoulies do a bit of Three Stooges comedy before being they decide to take a tour around the facility. The Betas decide to leave the house to prank which leaves Wes and Veronica to have sex upstairs. Of course, the Ghoulies hear the moans and decide to investigate.
Hello, Hello, Hello……………….HELLO!!!!!
The Ghoulies are about to attempt to get it on with Veronica, but Ragnar summons them to his office. They ridicule him before Ragnar sends them away…..sending them back to the bedroom. Wesley hears the toilet flush and decides to investigate. Unfortunately for him when he investigates, the Ghoulies decide to kill him by flushing him down the toilet.
The Holy Grail Of Beer Collections For The Ghoulies
Sadly, There Was No Holy Grail Ale In The Fridge
Meanwhile, Skip and Mooky decide to attempt a prank on the Gammas. We go back to the Ghoulies, who have drank all the beer.
And I Do Mean All The Beer…..Damn, These Ghoulies Would Make The Late Ted Kennedy Blush
The other two Ghoulies try to prank Cat Ghoulie with a drain cleaner and sadly for them, Cat Ghoulie feels no effects and says that it feels less filling.
Even Did The Whole “Tastes Great, Less Filling” Nonsense
Back with Skip and Mooky, they see Jeremy’s scooter (no, I will not do a Pearl Jam “Jeremy” clip because the guy is not in this scene). They hook the scooter to the lid of the nearby dumpster, but unknown to them………after they leave, the Ghoulies arrive on the scene.
That Beer Has Given Them Teleportation Powers
They hear about this prank week and decide to “upgrade” the prank by destroying the scooter and hanging it on a tree.
The next day, the Betas finally get home and see that their house is a wreck. They of course think the Gammas trashed their house and the Gammas think the Betas trashed Jeremy’s scooter. When Skip tries to question Veronica about the whereabouts of Wes, she tries to hit on him.
Surprisingly, Barcus Does Not Die From This
Ragnar then summons the Ghoulies to his office and tells the Ghoulies that he is their master. If they don’t do whatever he says, he will burn the comic, which screws the Ghoulies. He tells them to steal the prank crown that the Gammas have. Ragnar says that he wants to start a war to end all frat wars and all frats. They are sent to the Gamma dorm, where they steal the prank crown.
They ask if she is famous….which is a reference to the actress playing Miss Boggs, Marcia Wallace, who is quite famous. Not only did she play Carol Kester in the Bob Newhart show (which they do mention), but she got big fame as a voice actor for The Simpsons as………
Bart’s Teacher, Edna Krabappel
But since we know who she is……….she has to die, via getting her tongue pulled far out. They let go and the tongue wraps around her.
Which I’m Sure Beavis & Butthead Would Love.
But not only do they love the show as I am sure every horny guy out there is…….
So Is Barcus…..Before He Is Knocked Off The Tree And Replaced By….
Veronica then goes to take a shower and the Ghoulies enter the dorm. Downstairs, the guys try the panty raid, but they fall for the trap and are attacked by the girls, who wield pillows. I would show the panty raid ambush, but there is some nudity and I will not show boobs on my page. However, while that is going on………the Ghoulies are having their own fun with Veronica’s undergarments. Then, they watch three girls take a shower. Like I said……no boobs, but I can show the Ghoulies’ reaction.
With A Plunger To The Face
Zeke The Plumber Approves (Seriously, Do You Know How Long I Have Wanted To Work A Zeke The Plumber Reference? Let’s Just Say A Long Damn Time.)
The next day, Barcus confronts Skip about wrecking his vehicle last night, something that Skip denies. Skip then meets with Erin, who believes he was involved with the panty raid last night, something he also denies…..but Erin dumps him again just because he “knew” there was going to be a panty raid or as she says, “even if he wasn’t there, he didn’t try to stop them”. I know she is probably going to end up back with him, but honey……….I have my middle finger extended as hard as I can for you. This is college and he is part of a dorm, even if he did try to stop them, the fact that he is the leader wouldn’t have meant a damn thing.
The rest of the Betas try to walk by, but Skip sees them and confronts them on the panty raid. They explain that they got freaking ambushed by the girls, but Skip says someone raided Erin’s panties and then the other pranksters start doing the smart thing and ask where his allegiances are. Then at Ragnar’s class, Skip gets framed by Jeremy….
Wait….Wait…….That One Guy Looks Familiar
*looks up IMDB*
Oh Dear God……
It’s “Maniac” Marshall from Wing Commander!!!!!
Yes, it’s Matthew Lillard in his acting debut. I kid you not, that is true……so not only did the Ghoulies franchise give us Mariska Hargitay (Ghoulies), but it also gave us Matthew Lillard. I have a few problems with this information. 1) Mariska Hargitay was a good gift and Matthew Lillard is not, and 2) I have gotten only one film appearance from the likes of Brad Dourif, Andrew Divoff, and Robert FUCKING Englund (even if he was only directing), and I get two inductions from Matthew Lillard.
Life Is Sometimes So Unfair
Back at Ragnar’s class, after the students are all gone………the professor wants the Ghoulies to kill Skip because he might ruin his plans to end the frats. At the halls, Jeremy brags about how they framed Skip, but sadly for him……….Erin hears what he did.
It Instead Explodes On Barcus. Once Again…..Barcus Survives
Erin and Skip try to go to Ragnar’s office and explain what happen, but they find out about Ragnar’s evil plans.
Finding The Body Of Miss Boggs & The Prank Crown
They try to run away, but are cornered by Jeremy and the Gammas.
Skip then goes to help Erin, who has been tied and gagged.
Yep, He Was Paul Lassiter
Former Playboy Playmate Hope Marie Carlton (who played Veronica) did a couple of cameos (including a cameo of two episodes of the soft-core porn series Hotel Erotica) before retiring. Billy Morrisette (who played Wes) married ER’s Maura Tiernay and she eventually divorced him. Patrick Labyorteax (who played Mookey) became Lt. Bud Roberts in the hit TV series JAG. Marcia Wallace is still getting money as the voice of Mrs. Krabappel on the Simpsons. Eva La Rue (who played Erin Riddle) went on to be Natalia Boa Vista in CSI: Miami. I think you all know about Matthew Lillard, who I am sure will show up on Monster Crap…..yet again. But you remember when I said that Kyle (the guy talking about his stereo) actually had a career that you would not expect. Well, this is that actor now.
But it is time for the sad news with Professor Ragnar himself, Kevin McCarthy. He had shown no signs of retiring, but in 2010 (at the age of 96), pneumonia sadly took him from us. He will be missed.
Now for my personal opinions on the movie. Well, while it is not as good as Ghoulies II, it is still better than the original Ghoulies. The Ghoulies were very funny and some of the acting from the human cast was good, but with a bad script, bad directing, and some bad acting……..this movie is deservedly forgettable. However, this was not the last Ghoulies movie because there was one more made called Ghoulies IV, which I will tell you now……….is the worst Ghoulies movie. But we will get to that turd some other day, but for now…….this will be the last Ghoulies movie for a while (I thankfully don’t own Ghoulies IV).
And now it’s time to find out what the 99th induction will be. I’ve known what the 100th one would be for two years now and sadly, the old Randomizer broke beyond repair (and that Randometer is dead as well), but before that happened…………I was able to get one last film from it and with a title like this, it seems perfect for this site.