Monster Crap Inductee: Day Of The Dead
The Dead Cough Up Some Crap
Remember when George A. Romero could make a really good movie? Remember when he did not destroy his great series that is known as the template for what zombies do these days? Yeah, I know that was a long time ago……but that is why Romero gets gigs to direct still. He made three groundbreaking movies involving zombies or as he sometimes called them, ghouls. Unfortunately those three great films have been bastardized because Romero doesn’t make a single dime off of those films these days. Night of the Living Dead is now public domain and Dawn & Day of the Dead were sold to morons named the Dudelsons. Note to future producers who are willing to let go of money makers, don’t sell them to guys who have produced some porn.
These morons have both now made Creepshow III (which as everyone has told me, is a complete joke) and a sequel to Day of the Dead called Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (which if you think that title sounds awesome, you need help). But they did do the 2004 version of Dawn of the Dead, which was done by Zack Snyder and was a really good remake. Hell, it may be the best remake done in the 2000s so far. Now immediately after the success of that film, people would want a sequel to that film. To people, that sequel would come in the remake of Day of the Dead, which was a sequel to Dawn of the Dead in the original version.
However, The Dudelsons in their infinite wisdom decided against doing a sequel to Dawn of the Dead and instead make the Day of the Dead film its own film. Basically they decided “Hey, you remember that Day of the Dead was a sequel to Dawn of the Dead? Well in this version, it isn’t a sequel”. Now this film had some potential to be good because it was going to be directed by Steve Miner (who is the only guy hired to do two Friday The 13th films (Part 2 & 3)). It also had Ving Rhames returning to this film although instead of playing his Dawn of the Dead character, he would play this version of Captain Rhodes.
However, it took a turn for bad when we heard that Mena Suvari (who outside of American Beauty and the first two American Pie movies, has been in some real garbage) and Nick Cannon (who the kids may like, but I always found annoying as hell) would also be in this movie. That news was made all the more worse that Mena Suvari would be playing the new version of Sarah Bowman, who was done well in the original by Lori Cardille.
Normally a movie being turned into a direct to DVD movie means it is bad and I mean, very bad. You have to remember folks that in this era, remakes are what dominate the mainstream theatrical horror scene. We have had loads of crap that still made it in theaters like 2005’s The Fog.
Oh Boy, I Will Get To That Film Someday
So if this remake was bad enough to where people would not put this into theaters, it must be really bad. So how bad is this remake? Let’s find out.
We start off this film with….
Opening credits being the first thing you see has sadly been a dying art form because some people would rather you see some crap and judge if this film is worth your time before the opening credits.
Originally studios did some of the film before the opening credits to be somewhat unique and sadly, I believe they still believe it is neat. However, as I have shown in past inductions…..that stuff has been done to death. However, I would like to note how uncreative that title looks. It looks like the stuff I type on my blog, but I am not running a major motion picture and if I was, I sure as hell would not have that font on my title screen.
After the opening credits, we go to a place where all the cool kids hang out.An Abandoned Military Base, Of Course
These cool kids decide to make out and slow dance……wait, what??? Of course, when one of the guys looks at the two making out, he attempts to grab his girlfriend’s ass. She then stops him and questions as to if he is taking advice from that Neanderthal. Suddenly, our Neanderthal decides to hack up some phlegm before continuing on kissing. The two smart kids not making out decide to go into a separate room.
Oh Yeah…..And To Play Marco Polo Apparently
We then switch scenes to a military roadblock that doesn’t allow people in or out of town. Of course, we get colorful dialogue from some pissed off people who are mad about being inconvenienced by this roadblock. Of course, they are told that this is a quarantine exercise instead of just a regular old quarantine. This one guy is mad because his son is sick and he wants to go to a better hospital than the one close by. You know, if your kid is as bad as he is that he needs to head to the hospital, it is not always the smartest idea to be choosy on hospitals.
The guy with the sick kid tries to violate this road block, but is talked down by Sarah Bowman.
Sarah is able to get these people to go back to the nearby hospital because apparently, they know her. We then get some small exposition that this is Sarah’s hometown. After they leave, we get some very nice dialogue between Sarah and Rhodes.
Sarah: Did I just tell them the truth?
Rhodes: Corporal, your orders are to keep this shithole town…..excuse me, your shithole town….sealed off.
Stay Classy, Movie
Sarah goes back to her position as we learn via a radio conversation that Rhodes is not getting the backup he wanted.
We then head back to the abandoned base…..
Okay Movie, I Know It Is In And Out Quickly….But Your Short Graphic To Show We Are Changing Scenes Is Putrid.
Anyway, back at the abandoned place…..our guy (whose name is Trevor) is still looking for his girlfriend (whose name is Nina). Nina jumps up and scares him, although I am not sure how wise that is considering he is holding a little candle. She laughs about scaring him and although he initially tries to act cool in saying he was not scared, he concedes that he was just a bit. Nina then asks what he found and although he doesn’t know….he wonders if they should investigate. Of course thankfully Nina is smart enough to know that investigating unknown rooms in a horror film almost always leads to certain death and she refuses. We then get more exposition about how Trevor’s mother is sick. But of course, being that the mother is sick….Nina asks if his mom would know if they were on her couch. Immediately Trevor knows what that means so he decides that all of them (including the two that are making out) need to leave.
The male friend is none too happy about this, but Trevor says if they want a ride back…..they are done making out. The couple both agrees that Trevor is a buzz kill, but that all changes when the guy starts nose bleeding on the girl. The guy tries to hit on the girl after that, but she refuses because she is pissed that he might have gotten her sick.
We then scene change (thankfully without the crappy graphic) to the local radio station where we see this fat jerk as our DJ.
He of course talks about how this town is apparently closed off until tomorrow night, but he is very skeptical about the explanation that he is given in that this is some quarantine exercise. Of course we also learn that town we are in is Leadville, Colorado and I just checked and this town actually does exist. Oh yeah, there is a military person in the studio who makes sure he says this stuff. The DJ (named Paul) questions whether this soldier is capable of individual thought. The soldier responds that his job is just to relay the information. The DJ then says that there is no way that this quarantine is about this flu bug going around, so he then asks what it is about. The soldier refuses so the DJ threatens to make him listen to Celine Dion until he gets an answer, but he then takes that back as he thinks the officer probably likes her music. I would honestly make him listen to a whole album of some Nickelback and see if he cracks because while I know most people on the blogosphere hate Nickelback, I actually don’t mind them.
Back to our teens leaving the abandoned base as the punk guy is carrying the radio and still tries to hit on the girl who he bled on a minute ago. He then fucks up by saying he will give her money to sleep with him and of course, she takes offense to that remark. The girl decides she is so pissed off that she is going to walk home. Of course walking home alone means walking alone in the woods and while it may be still in the daytime, walking alone in the woods in a horror movie is never a good idea. She then hears footsteps and she starts being chased by some person in a lab coat. Unfortunately, she is caught and ripped apart off screen.
The backup that Captain Rhodes finally asks for arrives and sadly, one of them is Nick Cannon.
Salazar bosses around another kid named Bud and talks behind his back about wondering why they gave this bitch a gun. We then see Bud and…..
Salazar tries to hit on Bowman, but of course she is actually more caring towards Bud. She of course takes Bud with her to go into town while leaving Salazar and another guy on guard duty. Of course, Bud has an interesting way to taunt Salazar on his epic fail.
Bud tries to ask if they are spending the night together and she immediately says “not a chance”. But Bud makes up for it by saying that is good as it wouldn’t be appropriate. Salazar’s buddy tries to say that he is definitely hitting that, but Salazar tells him to just shut up. On the drive, we get exposition from Bud that he just joined the army seven months ago and is studying radar & counter measures. He talks about this being his first time called out, but he wishes it would be something a little more exciting. Sarah responds by saying he should be careful what he wishes for. Sarah then explains that he has nothing to worry about as nothing happens in this town. Bud replies that agrees as this town looks like a real shithole. He then asks where they are going anyways, and she responds by saying her house. Congratulations Bud, you just called the girl you are kind of trying to hit on’s town a shithole. He once again tries to make up for it by saying it is a charming shithole. She then looks at him if just to say “just shut up now”.
The two finally get to her house and as soon as she walks him, she catches Trevor and Nina having sex. Sarah then decides to give both of them shit while Trevor is pissed that his sister is here. Sarah is pissed that Trevor isn’t taking care of their sick mother and of course, Trevor finally yells at her about how he is doing his best since she is not around. Sarah then tells her mother that she is taking her to the hospital. Basically Sarah returns and is being more of a bitch towards her brother about taking mom to the hospital.
Sarah for some reason decides to go check on the punk kid from earlier and she sees that this so called flu or cold (really movie, they are two different things…..choose one) isn’t as harmless as initially meant to believe. The house is filled with blood and there is a blanket covering what we believe is something. Sarah removes the blanket and nothing is there. However, the curtain where Bud is conveniently standing near hides the two mutilated corpses of what are believed to be this kid’s parents. They try to call back to base, but the phones are all either dead or have no service. Sarah radios to Captain Rhodes about the dead bodies and that the punk kid is missing, but of course….Captain Rhodes already knows this. He immediately tells Sarah to get back to the road block after taking her mother to the hospital. After that message is over, Bud asks Sarah why her gun isn’t loaded and she responds that it is complicated. Wow…..movie, interesting back-story on why someone in the army doesn’t have a loaded gun. Bud also reveals that he is a vegetarian, which has no reason to be mentioned…..but as I have been told, it plays an important part later.
When all of them reach the hospital, they see that the place is now full of sick people. Of course for some reason Salazar is there and he explains that someone is covering for him right now as he is here with Captain Rhodes. Rhodes calls for Sarah and tells her that she needs to follow him as a doctor from the CDC would like to ask her about the dead bodies. Meanwhile, Bud tries to get tips from Sarah’s mom on dating Sarah. Really…..you are going to do that? Okay, your funeral. Anyway, suddenly every sick person starts freezing and stays still.
We then meet this doctor from the CDC and of course, just by looking at the guy…..you know he is going to be an asshole.
He tries to get Captain Rhodes out of the room and Rhodes actually listens. He then grills her on what she saw and wonders if the wounds could be bite marks. She does not know the answer to that as we go to Nina and Trevor as they look over Nina’s father. Suddenly we see some CGI inside the body type stuff as we see Nina’s father turn into an zombie. He starts attacking and okay stop…..how does someone go from this….
I don’t care how quick this virus works; your skin doesn’t decay in just a few seconds. It takes time for a person to decay. Even Cabin Fever knew that shit…..
When I Have To Induct That Film, My Reaction Will Not Be Pretty.
Nina’s dead father immediately kills her mother very graphically.
We change to some scene of an electrician checking the power line and what is the point of this scene?
Well, it also shows how there can be a power outage at this time. The town immediately turns to chaos with zombies. Oh wait, they are called infected people. Anyway, the infected people are even driving cars.
Seriously What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Movie
We then see Paul The DJ talking with the army guy posted towards him and basically the only thing this scene signifies is that the DJ is confined to the studio because going outside is just suicide for his fat ass. We also see that the parents and the punk kid from earlier have all become infected as they kill the cops who are at the scene. The army guy goes out and of course gets killed as the DJ just locks the door.
More people in the hospital are killed by these infected people…..as our main characters make a run for it. I’m sorry….
Captain Rhodes starts fighting infected people with his fists and…..
So yes kids, Captain Rhodes in this film dies before this film even reaches the halfway point. Why was this guy was called Captain Rhodes? Oh yeah we need the name so this could be a Day of the Dead film. Dr. Logan decides to be an asshole by pushing Bud down and Bud is almost killed until Sarah saves his ass. Bud of course confronts Dr. Logan and Logan has no idea what he is talking about. Okay….really, he is going to turn heel that fast?
In the woods, Trevor and Nina run and see some dead corpses. They see that someone is in the radio station and decide that would be a good place to hide. Back in the room, we see that Logan is more of an asshole as he chastises the two army people because they are not armed. Trevor and Nina are able to get in the station and are grilled by the DJ until he is confident they are not infected. They meet the parents from the earlier road block and when asked about their son, the two sadly confirm that their kid is dead.
The army people trapped in the hospital use the duct to attempt to get the keys for Rhodes’ vehicle. Oh yeah, what does this scene show us….that these infected people can stick to the ceiling. They bump into Salazar who was in the same room as Rhodes’ corpse. They all get the keys, but when they attempt to get back into the duct, Captain Rhodes is alive and walking. Captain Rhodes chases them through the ducts and is killed when everyone gets back to the room with Dr. Logan. Unfortunately, Captain Rhodes bites Bud before they can close off the duct. Sarah tries to cauterize the wound with bleach while Salazar starts thinking about killing Bud. Sarah refuses to let Salazar kill Bud and says when the time comes, she will do it herself.
Back at the radio station, Paul tries to call for help via the radio station, but it is useless. Trevor then asks to use the radio, but Paul has an important question.
Paul: You have a license?
Paul: Me neither……Ha!!!!
Trevor then sends a message that to Sarah that they are at the radio station and they need help. Unfortunately, it is the infected mother who hears all of this. Apparently, these zombies do have some memories of others. Back at the hospital, everyone and some makeshift weapons (including Salazar’s spear)…..
Salazar: You See A Black Man With A Sharp Stick And It’s Supposed To Be A Spear?
Damn it Salazar…..that was not a racist remark. A sharp stick is a spear. They all make a run for it out of the hospital to the parking lot in an attempt to use one of the vehicles for an escape. Dr. Logan decides to be an ass again and push a conveniently placed innocent woman into some infected people before he steals an SUV and drives away. The other three throw a makeshift Molotov cocktail to distract the infected people before they are able to drive away in Rhodes’ vehicle.
While in the car, we sense some humanity in Salazar when he tells Bud not to give up. I know this is all supposed to be an emotional scene with the sad music as they drive by all the chaos going on, but this movie really hasn’t earned my caring enough to be sad. In the radio station, there is argument whether they should leave or whether they should stay. However during this argument, Nina and Trevor notice that there is a bloody tissue in the garbage meaning someone’s nose was bleeding. To them, that means that one of the people in the room is infected and is hiding it. They all try to play innocent, but the physical evidence is there and that means someone is infected.
While entering a gun store for some weapons, they are forced to bind Bud’s hands for their own safety. Bud tries to hit on her one more time before they leave for some weapons. In the car, we notice that Bud is starting to change.
Back at the radio station, we find out who is the infected one when they change. Okay…..pop quiz….which one was infected? Was it….
A. Mr. Leitner
B. Mrs. Leitner
C. Paul The DJ
If you guessed A….
An infected Paul tries to stand up, but gets stabbed in the head by a knife that Nina found. While grabbing guns and in Salazar’s care….
One Perfectly Good Machete
Anyway while this is going on, they hear Trevor on the radio calling for help. Oh but before that and after Salazar grabs the machete, Salazar does some joke by saying “By the Power of Greyskull”.
When they get into the car, they find out….
Bud Has Turned Into An Infected.
Salazar goes to shoot him, but Sarah stops him and how does she explain why he won’t be a problem for them? Because he was a vegetarian.
That is right, kids….Infected Vegetarians!!!!!! What the hell were they thinking? Okay…..let me explain while that is stupid. For one, infected or zombies don’t have part of their former self in them or else they wouldn’t be killing people. Another thing, how the hell is he going to eat? And three, a few seconds later….they would prove how stupid this is because Trevor’s mom still tries to kill him even though in life, she loved him. Hell, if it wasn’t for Sarah running her over and saying that isn’t your mother anymore…..Trevor would have been mother’s dinner. Oh yeah, Mrs. Leitner gets infected and has to be killed immediately. Mr. Leitner was killed by Mrs. Leitner (who supposedly loved her husband). This movie just fucking blew my mind with its stupidity. So let me say this to this movie………..BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While in the car, everyone is concerned about sitting with to Infected Bud (that will be his name throughout the rest of this induction in my mind) despite Sarah’s assurances that he won’t harm them. I think everyone except Sarah realizes how stupid this idea is. They try to go towards the roadblock, but the find out that everyone there is also infected.
After a short gunfight, the good guys decide to get the hell out of there before they get bullets. They try to use a shortcut to get to Boulder, but Kyle starts attacking and while trying to get rid of Kyle, they crash. They eventually kill Kyle, but now since they have no car…they will have to walk towards Boulder. Of course, walking in the woods when it is dark is even worse than walking in the woods during the day. They decide that until daytime, they will hold out at the old base. Salazar keeps treating Infected Bud like crap while Sarah and Trevor have another argument. Salazar (while still being an asshole) isn’t a moron and we find out how all of this argument is over a stupid bike. Salazar actually comes to the defense of Trevor by saying he is just a kid, but Sarah responds that we all have to grow up sometimes.
Okay…..time out here!!!! Our main character Sarah (the person who we are supposed to root for here) leaves her family to join the military without any warning, doesn’t even bother to mention to anyone that she is coming back, and somehow….she treats Trevor like shit. And her response to anytime someone points out that she is being a complete bitch towards a person who is still young…the best she can come up with is “we all have to grow up sometimes”. Let me explain a few things to you, Sarah. When you are the oldest sibling, just because you grow up doesn’t mean everyone you know has to grow up as well. When I grew up, my brother was two years behind me so he still had time to be a fucking kid. Sarah, you lost every goddamn right to treat your brother like shit when you left without any warning to join the army because he at least took care of the place when it is normally the responsibility of the oldest to take care of your parents. Does this movie not get any idea of what a protagonist is supposed to be?
Now back to the movie and the infected start attacking, but when I am supposed to be hoping these people survive……I just want Sarah to fucking die. They have to leave Infected Bud behind, but because he is infected…..he won’t be killed. They are able to hold out in a sealed room and bump into Dr. Logan, who is trying to delete files on the computer. When pressed, he is forced to admit that this whole situation was the aftermath of a bio-weapon called Project Wildfire that got out.
While trying to find a way out, we find out that Salazar has some brains in him as he knows a bit about the place they were at. But while all this is going on….
One Of The Infected Grabs Dr. Logan, Basically Killing Him.
When they wonder where he is….they immediately get their answer.
And that is the way this movie ends. There is actually an alternate ending, but the only difference is Salazar is actually able to survive. Now on that jump ending, I would be terrified if I did not expect it coming. You want know how this type of jump scare would work? I have a video of a jump scare that would work.
There…..that is how you do that type of jump scare.
Now before we talk about my overall thoughts, we have to get to some aftermath. AnnaLynne McCord (who played Nina) has actually gone on to do several TV shows like Nip/Tuck & the remake of 90210. Michael Welch (who played Trevor) has since done played Mike Newton in Twilight movie series. Stark Sands (who played Bud) was in the Emmy Award-winning mini-series Generation Kill. Nick Cannon (who played Salazar) hasn’t done much lately as far as movies go, but he did marry Mariah Carey
Who Despite Being 41 Years Old, Is Still Very Attractive
Now for my overall thoughts of the movie and let’s not beat around the bush, I completely hate this movie. This movie has no consistency on the basis for this epidemic. Sometimes, it is airborne and other times, you get bitten and become infected. The ending is completely lackluster and the characters in this movie are almost all unlikable. They basically ruin every fun part of the original movie and make mockery of it. They basically say “Kiss My Ass” to every fan of the original and those are the people who will mainly have interest in this movie. However, this is not among the worst movies I have seen because I probably will forget this movie in a few months.
Now since it has been out on DVD for a month, it is time for me to make my June induction the other co-winner of the 2009 GINO Award, sharing that honor with a movie I really enjoy in ThanksKilling. However, I really don’t think I will enjoy this one because it is a movie that while it made a lot of money, it has drawn a lot of hate from people…..even from those who like the books and fans of the series. The movie I am talking about is…………