Monster
Crap Inductee: Casino Royale
Thank
God For The Daniel Craig Film Decades Later
1967
Well,
this is not going to be easy to talk about as while this movie has a monster in
one scene so it counts, I really don’t do spy films and I definitely don’t do
James Bond films. But this was what Bob wants and since it does count within my
rules to induct, I shall do just that.
So
let’s get into the history of James Bond (Agent 007). James Bond was created by
a former World War 2 vet turned newspaper employee turned writer in Ian Fleming
(who would later be Sir Ian Fleming), in the early 50s, he decided that based
on his wartime experiences and secret operations experiences, he would write a
spy novel in two months to distract himself from a wedding to his pregnant
girlfriend at the time and would call that book Casino Royale.
It’s A
“Dreadful Oafish Opus” (His Words, Not Mine)
And
James Bond himself was named after an American ornithologist who was an expert
on Caribbean birds and an author of the well known field guide called Birds of
the West Indies (a book that Ian had since he was a keen birdwatcher himself)
named James Bond. He later said he saw the name and thought it would be a good
name for a dull man that interesting things happened to.
The
Real James Bond Was Actually Flattered By The Use Of His Name In The Book As A
Joke And When James’ Wife Told Ian Of The News, Ian Said He Hoped That One Day
James Would Return The Favor And Find Some Horrible Looking Bird So He Could
Name It After Him.
And
thus we come to the film section. Obviously the book was a hit and first, it was
a one hour episode of the show Climax.
When I
Was Younger, I Heard Arguments For A While About Whether Niven Or Connery Were
First (This Was Before We Had The Internet So We Couldn’t Look These
Immediately Up) And Even Though We Now Know Connery Was Bond Before Niven, The
Actual Real Answer Is Barry Nelson.
Afterwards,
the film rights was purchased by Gregory Ratoff for $6,000 (which would equal
$68,243 in 2023) after he already purchased a $600 six month option on the
book. He and his writer Lorenzo Semple Jr. thought Bond upon looking at it,
thought Bond was a stupid character and wanted to actually call the character
Jane Bond and have Susan Hayward play her. They shopped this idea around and
then sadly Ratoff died in 1960. After that, Charles K. Feldman bought those
rights from Ratoff’s widow. Albert Broccoli tried to buy the rights to Casino
Royale from Feldman, but Feldman declined. Broccoli would eventually get his hands on the
rest of the Bond books and any stories in the future so he would end up
starting with the 6th Book Dr. No
Which
As You Know, Is The First Reason Why We Have A James Bond Franchise Now
Meanwhile,
back with Casino Royale, Feldman still had problems making the film as this was
supposed to originally be made before Dr. No, but Dr. No beat it to the punch.
In fact, he had interest from Howard Hawks, but after Dr. No beat them to the
punch, that offer was off the table. Feldman then tried to work out a deal with
Broccoli, but the two had a bitter fight over what would happen so Feldman
again went off on his own with Casino Royale. Throughout most of this time,
Feldman had a writer of his own in Ben Hecht and decided he wanted to make the
film a parody instead of a straightforward film (maybe a shot at Broccoli over
there whole issues). But before Hecht could give his script to Feldman, he died
of a heart attack in 1964.
Feldman
then hired Joseph Heller (and his friend Georgie Mandell) to write the script,
but that didn’t work out and Joseph Heller would later write of his experience
in an essay “How I Found James Bond, Lost My Self Respect, And Almost Made
$150,000 In My Spare Time”. It was then re-written by Billy Wilder and while
this was also mostly not kept, one thing that was kept was the idea that there
would be multiple fake James Bond and one real Sir James Bond. The film
eventually started production with a shit ton of writers (with only three
credited) and five directors in John Huston (well-known actor/director who at a
point is acting in it, he is also directing), Val Guest (who wrote and directed
some British B movies), Ken Hughes (director of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang),
Robert Parrish, and Joe McGrath (who worked mostly with The Beatles at this
point). That is of course with the understanding that each director getting a
section of the film.
So
let’s finally get to casting this film that is already a trainwreck. Because
Sean Connery was successful as James Bond (having just finished Thunderball),
they tried to get him away from the Broccoli films to star in their film, but
Sean saw problems and basically said that he would only do it if he was paid $1
million upfront (an unheard of amount at that time), which was balked at by
Feldman and crew (which was probably what Connery thought would happen). They
then wanted Terrence Cooper, but decided he must be one of the fake Bonds as
well as Peter Sellers (although that was the only way they could get Sellers as
he did not want to be the real Sir James Bond). They decided for the real Sir
James Bond to hire one time Oscar winning and two time Golden Globe winning
actor David Niven as Fleming had written Casino Royale with David Niven always
in mind as James Bond. For the other James Bonds, they would get Barbara
Bouchet (who is also Miss Moneypenny), Daliah Lavi (who is also known as The
Detainer in the film), Joanna Petit (who is Sir James Bond and Mata Hari’s
daughter Mata Bond) and in a big coup, Ursula Andress (who is also Vesper Lynd)
would return to the Bond world.
Ursula
Andress Was The Main Bond Girl Honey Ryder In The First James Bond Film Dr. No
Other
actors hired stand up comedian Woody Allen (long before he became a director
and way long before he became a piece of shit who may have molested his own
adopted kids), Deborah Kerr (who would be nominated for the Oscar for Best
Leading Actress six times (never won those, but won an honorary Oscar in 1994),
Jon Huston (who since he was one of the directors, he was going to be in this
film too in some way), William Holden (who won an Oscar for Stalag 17),
Jacqueline Bissett (before she became big) and in another big move, get famed
actor even back then Orson Welles as the villain Le Chiffre.
This Is
Probably The ONLY TIME I Am Ever Going To Induct A Film With Orson Welles In It
So I Am Going To Be Happy About That
With a
good cast of name actors and actresses, this should be fine, right? If you read
the mess that was the pre-production of this film and the fact that there was a
crap ton of writers and 5 directors for this, you would know that this film
will somehow snatch defeat from the jaws of an easy victory.
But
before I do that, I am going to make a phone call to a guy who has already
reviewed this film, my good friend Digiranma.
*Ring*
Your dime, your
time….and if you call me old, I know every scripted word of “Furry Vengeance”.
Hi,
this is Seth Drakin and I have to review a movie and I know you’ve reviewed the
same movie before. Any tips on watching Casino Royale?
…Casino Royale? But,
I only review bad movies and I like---wait…the good Casino Royale or the one
where Orson Welles wrote in his contract “I will stop the movie to do my
magic”?
The
1967 Casino Royale.
…BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait,
wait, I got one more….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…HA…ha…haaaaa…
*phone
hangs up*
Well, I
should end the review right there with that, but I won’t. Warning you all this induction will be very long so if you do not want my long ass talking about this film, you are better off going to Digiranma’s review where he talked about this film not as long as I have.
Let’s get to the
actual movie.
This movie begins with a guy meeting Evelyn Tremble and asking
him to follow him.
Then we
go to the opening credits and this film definitely doesn’t sound anything like
a Bond film with the cheesy music of a farce and the credits more showing the
actors when their name appears.
By
These Credits, You’d Think This Movie Would Have Been Done By The Monty Python
Crew, And That Probably Would Have Been A Better Movie If It Had.
Also,
you see several people in angels wings so this movie has already spoiled the
ending. We then see several cars meeting at an intersection. Then the
passengers of those cars get into another car and we find out the men are McTarry
or M (who is the head of MI6), Ransome (an executive of the CIA), Le Grand (an
executive of Deuxieme Bureau (a French secret service organization that had
been disbanded long before this movie was made)), and Smernov (an executive of
the KGB).
Smernov
& Le Grand Are In The Front, M & Ransome Are In The Back
They
somehow drive by some lions that are here for some reason and all they do is
spook most of the heads except for M, because he knows they are here. One lion
even decides to go car surfing.
They
are here to meet Sir James Bond, who has retired 20 years ago from being a spy.
Sir
James welcomes them and talks business. They also talk about the sex maniac
that was given his name and Agent 007 number too. Yes, in this film, Sean
Connery’s James Bond is not the real James Bond, but just some sex maniac
imposter. Meanwhile, the real Sir James Bond is actually chaste and does not
deal with that sex nonsense (although we’ll find out that is baloney). He also
chastise each of the heads by revealing that they all have secret killing
mechanisms hiding in their suits that he can recognize.
They
explain that those are needed with the second half of the 20th
Century being ahead and the world being as untrustworthy as it is. Bond
explains that he doesn’t need to look at that world and instead looks at his
garden and a peculiar black rose.
They
tell him things are very bad and they really need him to come out of retirement
as their agents have been decimated. Sir James wonders if one of them is helping
the bad guys (in this case, the secret Red Army counter-intelligence agency
called SMERSH (which is funny because KGB and SMERSH work for the same
masters)). The retired agent is not interested in coming out of retirement and
we find out that Bond retired because of his affections for one Mata Hari, who if
any of you know, was a Dutch exotic dancer executed by the French as a German
spy. M tries to give Sir James a special request by the Queen of England, but
Bond still refuses to help them. M then decides to have the English military
blow up Bond’s mansion for some reason.
Meanwhile,
SMERSH agents are getting told by the secret head Dr. Noah (obviously a
reference to Dr. No) to try and disgrace Sir James Bond’s celibate image since
he is obviously now back after that whole explosion. If you are confused by why
Bond is back even though his own military just blew up his house? I don’t know
why.
Anyway,
apparently M died during this explosion so Bond decides to visit his widow Lady
Fiona McTarry to offer his condolences. But as he is driving, we already know
things are up since well, there are people in Scottish garb who are talking to SMERSH
HQ and basically saying that Bond has arrived.
They
also reveal that Lady Fiona McTarry has now been replaced by Agent Mimi, who
will now impersonate Fiona (I guess they are assuming Bond has never met her
and wouldn’t know the difference between this fake and the real person (who we
never meet)).
Oh
Yeah, The Only Thing Left Of M Is His Toupee
At the
house, Fiona/Agent Mimi also explain that they were told about M’s death by the
Grey Piper, who comes down from the mountains and plays the clan’s lament
(which only happens when a McTarry dies). This piper also puts a quart of
whiskey at the door. Oh and when one dies, a goat must be slaughtered and the
daughters must rip out the stomach and stuff it with entrails. Then they boil
it and serve it up as food at midnight.
Goat:
This Is
Madness!!!! You All Are Horrible People To Be Picking On A Poor Defenseless
Goat!!!! I Demand To Speak To My Lawyer!!!!
Oh and
then they hunt grouse the next day since the grouse always come into season
when a McTarry dies. But before they eat, Bond’s bath has been prepared and he
is being bathed by one of the “daughters”.
Bond Is
Wondering What Is Wrong With This Family And Is Also Reconsidering What Kind Of
Person M Was Since All His Adopted Daughters Are Between The Ages of 16 To 19.
While
all this awkwardness is going on, two of the McTarry “daughters” are putting a
tracker into one of Bond’s buttons as a last resort to be used if their
original plan to seduce and scandalize Sir James fails. The dinner happens with
the McTarrys drinking and some of them dancing. Unfortunately none of these
SMERSH agents can hold their alcohol and everyone passes out, except for Sir
James.
You
Would Think Bond Would Be Suspicious, But He Is Not Since This Is A Parody
Sir
James goes to bed and is reading when Fiona/Agent Mimi comes into his room.
She
Looks Like She Is Prepared To Show Sir James Bond How She Seduced A Yellow
Faced Yul Brynner In The King And I.
She
tries to seduce him, but because Bond is rather chaste, she fails. She feels
insulted and challenges Bond to face her burly men in a game of picking up
heavy metal balls and throwing them to the other person for them to catch. They
called it Wrestling, but it definitely is not.
I
Believe These Are Really Called Ardblair Stones, But I’m Not A Real Expert In
Scottish Highland Games So I Had To Actually Look This Up And This Was My Best
Guess.
This
might shock you, but since none of these guys are really Scottish, they can’t
do it despite their physical appearances. However, Sir James Bond can do this
somehow and also breaks the stone in half with a karate chop.
Now
Fiona/Agent Mimi Is In Love With Sir James For Real
The
other women have noticed and are not happy so they lock Fiona/Agent Mimi in her
room. The next day, Sir James and the women go grouse hunting. It is also time
for the SMERSH agents to use that plan that they had in case the seducing plan
failed, which is to have a machine shoot out flying machines that look like
birds with bombs in them come at Sir James, who the bombs will track via the
tracker in his coat button.
Meanwhile
Fiona/Agent Mimi escapes her room via a pipe next to her window and of course
as parodies go, the pipe falls over yet she is fine.
We Also
Get An Upskirt Shot Because Of Course We Do
Unfortunately,
these dweebs decide to shoot one grouse at a time and Bond is a good enough
shot to take each of them down early.
Sir
James has to play the straight man in this parody so he thinks nothing of the
exploding birds. Fiona/Agent Mimi comes out and warns Sir James about the
button so he gets it off and via a slingshot with a brace, the two are able to shoot
the button.
We have
a slingshot off with the button (as the SMERSH agents aka “daughters”) have a
slingshot of their own. Eventually, Bond and Mimi are able to slingshot the
button into the machine which the fakes grouse goes to and blows it up.
Agent
Mimi (since we are no longer pretending anymore that she is Fiona) explains
that their plans were to corrupt Bond and if that failed, kill him. After all
of this evil doing, she kisses Bond, wants to be remembered as his second love
behind Mata Hari, and runs away to become a nun at a nearby convent.
And So
Ends The Scenes Directed By Jon Huston.
I
Should Also Mention That This Was Anjelica Huston’s First Experience In The Film
Industry As She Did Work As A Hand Double For Deborah Kerr Since She Is Jon’s
Daughter And She Wanted To Get Into The Business As Well.
Bond is
driving and another SMERSH agent side swipes him.
Well,
Bond chases the woman and they try to kill him with a remote controlled milk
truck that has a bomb in it.
A chase
ensues with the agents at SMERSH HQ not caring about the driving agent and just
wanting to kill Bond no matter the cost. Bond eventually somehow evades the driving
agent and remote controlled truck and the latter two crash into each other
causing an explosion.
And
That Scene Was Completely Pointless
Bond
goes back to MI6 HQ and since M is dead, he takes over. We also meet Miss
Moneypenny.
Or
Should I Say The Daughter Of The Original Miss Moneypenny (Who Will Also Be
Called Miss Moneypenny)
Bond
learns from a guy named Hadley that many agents have been killed so Sir James
decides that to confuse the enemy, all agents must become known as James Bond
aka Agent 007. And that also includes Miss Moneypenny. We have a brief scene
where we see Sir James’ nephew Jimmy Bond, who he has no hope for.
Jimmy
is able to sneak away from being killed by firing squad and runs off.
Jimmy
runs into another firing squad of a different person and he is able to escape
that.
Sir
James and Hadley assume Jimmy to be dead of course. Sir James also decides that
they need to find a woman that all women want and yet he is not seduced by any
of them (which you might find among people who are gay yet in the closet), but
they don’t do that. Instead Miss Moneypenny does some recruitment scenes to
test up and coming agents for that task.
Oh I
Know Where Your Minds Might Be Going, But This Is Not A Softcore Or Hardcore
Porn. Sorry, Porno Pete….
Aww…..
Anyway,
via kissing and sex technique, she chooses an agent named Cooper.
More
skills are shown where random women try to seduce him and he doesn’t fall for
their charms.
Terrence
Cooper Was Originally Going To Be Sir James Before They Decided On David Niven,
But They Still Wanted To Keep Terrence Around So They Gave Him This Role
And….Terrence Might Be A Bit Stiff Given The Limited Role He Is In, But He
Might Have Been A Fine James Bond, But Alas That Didn’t Happen For Him.
A woman
known as The Detainer shows up and tries to get into Cooper’s pants to see if
he is capable and he passes by throwing her down.
She Is
Also James Bond – Agent 007
Sir
James goes into a place to meet with Vesper Lynd, an old acquaintance of his
who sells weapons.
He is able
to bribe Vesper to help hire another James Bond – Agent 007. The man he wants
her to hire is Evelyn Tremble, who is a successful card player.
Enter
Most Of The Trouble That Went On During Filming Because Peter Sellers Wanted To
Play His Role Straight (Even Though That Wasn’t What Was Asked) So He Butted
Heads With The Cast And Crew And Especially Orson Welles.
Vesper
finds Evelyn at a casino and is easily able to recruit him to be another James
Bond – Agent 007.
Not
Exactly Hard Considering This Is Ursula Andress We Are Talking About
Evelyn
eventually comes to Vesper’s house and of course we hear the song “The Look Of
Love” by Dusty Springfield. The only reason I bring that song up is because
despite this film being a mess by many people’s opinion, this song actually got
nominated for Best Original Song at the Academy Awards (it didn’t win of course
as that went to “Talk To The Animals” by Rex Harrison for the 1967 Doctor
Doolittle).
Anyway,
she puts the moves on him and they kiss.
Oh,
No….You Are Not Getting A Sex Scene
Instead,
you get a scene of Vesper talking via ADR as she is too busy dancing on the bed
with feathers flying as Evelyn is talking and doing pushups.
Afterwards,
we get a scene where we know why Peter Sellers was hired as he puts on
different outfits and does impressions.
There
is also one where he dresses like Adolf Hitler.
This Is
So Freaking Wrong
We learn
that he is specifically hired to win a game of baccarat with SMERSH’s financial
agent Le Chiffre, who they know embezzled SMERSH money and has a limited time
to pay back the money. So they want to steal that money to put a huge blow to
SMERSH. Since Evelyn has written a book about his baccarat abilities that even
Le Chiffre has read, they think he is the perfect guy to beat him. Evelyn is
originally against even doing this, but she bribes him to accept the scam they
will be doing on La Chiffre. Oh and he will now go by James Bond aka Agent 007
just so La Chiffre won’t know him.
Evelyn
then meets with MI6’s resident inventor Q to go over some of the gadgets Evelyn
will have in this scheme. We also see a scene that I actually giggled at where
we have a gentleman named Johnson is karate chopping boards and then sees Q so
he salutes him, but salutes himself so hard, he knocks himself out.
Anyway,
some of the devices given to Evelyn are:
A Watch
To Communicate Through
And…
A Vest
So You Can Hide Stuff In
In a
recording of an interrogation, Sir James Bond discovers that SMERSH is using
the dancing school International Mother’s Help for its female spies so Sir
James decides he needs an agent to go to East Berlin (where International
Mothers Help is headquartered) and he has decided that Mata Bond (who he said
was his goddaughter) should be the agent. So he goes to where Mata works at
(which is a temple) and we see her dance.
Bond
Said She Was A Terrible Dancer, But She Seems Fine To Me.
When
she finally finds out who is watching her dance, Mata calls her daddy because
yes, Mata Bond is not his goddaughter, but his actual daughter as he had an
affair with Mata Bond and that produced this child.
Yep…Bond
Is Not As Chaste As He Has Been Made Out To Be
We also
find out that Bond put her up for adoption at the age of 3 (because he was at
the height of his spy work, despite the fact that he was retired for 20 years
so he should have taken her back) and she works at this temple as the
“celestial virgin” (which is only figurative). Bond tells her of his plan and
she goes along with it.
So Mata
Bond takes a taxi to West Berlin and despite the Great Wall being up, is able
to get into East Berlin pretty easily via a secret door along the Berlin Wall. She
enters International Mothers Help where it looks like she might be in one of
those early silent movie German expressionist films.
She
sees a painting of her mother and is asked who she is by the teacher of the
place Frau Hoffner and her assistant Polo.
She
takes off her coat to reveal that she is the daughter of Mata Hari and Hoffner
is happy to have her here since she was Mata Hari’s teacher too. Hoffner gives
her the tour of the place and then has Polo show Mata to her room. Oh and
apparently, Polo has a pacemaker set up to his heart that Hoffner sometimes
threatens him with.
Mata is
able to use her flirting to have Polo (who had the hots for Mata Hari back in
the day and has the same attraction for Mata Bond) reveal that Hoffner is
meeting with a representative of La Chiffre as La Chiffre is trying to raise
money from his art collection via an action. This is of course the never before
mentioned first plan of La Chiffre to get the money back that he embezzled out
of SMERSH before they find out. Mata goes to try and clean off the bathroom and
puts the tissues in the toilet to flush. As soon as she flushes, the toilet
spins to reveal a secret hall.
It’s
The First Toilet She Went Around With (Her Joke, Not Mind)
Mata
sneaks around, but is found by Hoffner as she is looking at a guy who is
covered in cobwebs, but they don’t know if he is dead.
Hoffner
then shows her to the auction and there are several bidders there from other
countries and we have a huge unfunny joke about who wants to be sitting when
bidding and who wants to be standing while bidding. They then reveal that the
art collection is really just photos of pictures people can use for blackmail.
Oh And
The Auctioneer Is Another Coup For This Film As He A Card Dealer In From Russia
With Love (And Good Friend To Sean Connery, Which Was How He Got That Role)
Mata
gets whisked away by the taxi driver (who is really from the foreign office)
who tells her she must destroy the “art collection” so La Chiffre isn’t able to
get the money so they can screw him later at the baccarat table. She steals the
“collection” from the projection booth and sets off some battle footage so all
the bidders take cover, thinking it is a real battle.
Also
One Man Is Excited By This Idea
Anyway,
Mata flushes the pictures down the toilet and goes to leave, but is confronted
by Polo. Polo knows what she has done and says he is going to have to kill her.
She then hits on him, but it is a ruse. She unplugs Polo’s pacemaker and somehow
causes him to go backwards. Frau also wants the film so Mata slams the door in
Hoffner’s face causing to fall into the supposedly dead guy who somehow shoots
her dead.
Mata then
uses a fire extinguisher to stop the rest of the goons and bidders and with the
taxi driver, escape. The auction bidder phones La Chiffre that the auction plan
failed so he is going to have to win it at the baccarat table.
Our
First Meeting Of Orson Welles And It Is Quite The Honor Of Orson Welles To Be
Here And…I’m Getting Peas Thrown At Me So I Better Continue The Induction.
Oh and
La Chiffre has the auctioneer blown up.
This Of
Course Causes A Hole In The Berlin Wall, Which Some East Berliners Use To Get
Away From The Terrible Warsaw Pact Territories.
Also
forgot to mention that all scenes in Berlin and with Mata Bond here were done
by Ken Hughes. Anyway, back with Evelyn Tremble, he is told by the guy checking
IDs “Welcome To France, Mr. Bond” and in a scene that was so random that I
chuckled at, Evelyn just punches the guy.
Sir
James Bond doesn’t like that Evelyn did this so he has to warn Vesper who just
so happens to be in the bath at that time.
She Is
Obviously Covering The Camera Portion So He Doesn’t See Her Nude
Sir
James wonders if Tremble is a double agent and Vesper says that he has enough
trouble being a single agent (aka he is too dumb to be a double agent). Evelyn
goes to his hotel and is met by a female voice so he immediately shoots, but
thankfully misses.
This Woman
Is Miss Giovanna Goodthighs And You Will Be Seeing Much More Of Those Thighs
Mettaton
Obviously Approves
Oh you
might have realized that Evelyn is without his glasses and that is so no one
will recognize him even if he calls himself James Bond.
Ah The
Old Superman/Clark Kent Disguise
She of
course is a double agent and tries to make the moves on him while trying to
kill him via poison.
But of
course, Evelyn is on to her game and he puts an antidote in his own cup.
He of
course drinks the bottle and passes out so the whole poison/antidote thing was
completely pointless. Anyway, Evelyn dreams of cards and making love to Vesper
Lynd. As well as playing piano with her.
This
Was Not Meant To Be In The Film, But They Had To Put It In Because Of Sellers.
I’ll Explain.
You
see, some versions say Peter Sellers decided to go into this film not wanting
to be a parody version of Mr. Bond and that got him on the wrong end with
producers and certainly Orson Welles, who knew this was a comedy and obviously
saw what Peter was doing with this and the changing of dialogue on the fly as
trying to upstage Welles (which was a complete no-no for Mr. Welles). Other
versions of the legend behind the issues, Peter was pissed that Orson had won
favor with Princess Margaret during her visit even though Peter had actually
known the princess. Bottom line, Peter and Orson didn’t like each other so they
rarely were willing to work with each other which was problematic as the film
called for plenty of scenes with the two. In one instant where a good friend of
Peter’s (director Joseph McGrath) was having issues with Peter, Peter saw fit
to punch Mr. McGrath. At some point because he just refused to show up, the
filmmakers decided to tell Mr. Sellers to hit the bricks and they will go on
without him. Plenty of scenes had already been filmed with Peter Sellers, but
not all so there were outtakes put into the actual film to make up for the
missing scenes and they had to change what happened to his character in the
film because of all of this. I’ll tell you which scenes are gags put in because
of Mr. Sellers unprofessional actions.
Anyway,
Evelyn is woken up by Vesper, who says she has taken care of double agent
Goodthighs and she needs him to be at the baccarat table. At the casino, we see
La Chiffre doing excellent work and winning pretty easily at the baccarat
table. La Chiffre stops the card game to do a magic trick of a levitating table
with a woman on it, who levitates as well. She eventually disappears when he
removes the cloak.
This Is
Because This Was The One Thing Orson Welles Wanted In The Film That Would
Change It A Bit With His Magic Tricks So They Just Let Him Do It. It Is Silly To
Halt The Film To Do This, But Meh….It’s One Simple Ask And Since Orson Has
Enough Prestige Within The Movie Making Community, He Can Get Away With It.
Evelyn
Tremble (as James Bond) comes in despite the casino’s shock and even the host
asks for his autograph which he signs. He meets with the director of this casino
(known as the Casino Royale) and they see through a one way mirror La Chiffre. Evelyn
sees that La Chiffre is cheating via sunglasses that see what cards are face
down.
Evelyn
shows up to play cards and as La Chiffre and him make introductions, Vesper
replaces the sunglasses that La Chiffre has with regular ones.
And
They Are Silly Glasses For A Man To Wear
La
Chiffre does more magic tricks which Evelyn loves.
Now we
finally get to the baccarat match and even without the glasses, La Chiffre
actually beats Evelyn to the point where he has nothing to wager.
Evelyn
then acquires the act of bullshit where he shows more money that he has to put
on the line.
This
time, La Chiffre loses the bet and all that money he won so he is once again
screwed.
Evelyn
and Vesper go back to the casino office and have the money put into a check for
the Swiss Bank. Vesper goes first and she is immediately kidnapped via the old
hood method.
Evelyn
comes out next and asks where Vesper is and a witness tells him that two men
put a black bag over her head and drove off with her.
He
chases after that car in his 1969s Formula 3 car.
This
Was An Outtake That Was Added To The Movie Because Peter Sellers Was Kicked Off
The Set. Also The Car He Stole Is From Formula 3 Driver Stirling Moss.
We then
go to La Chiffre’s hideout where Evelyn has already been captured.
Never
Filmed Any Capture Scene So This Just Happened Off Screen
We then
have La Chiffre torture Evelyn via strange lights and fast motion gags.
We get
more weird scenes of Evelyn and we soon realize he has somehow been drugged.
Bond
refuses to give up the money so he continues the acid trip torture.
And
then La Chiffre has a Scottish band show up.
All Of
This Was Outtakes That They Cropped In
We then
see Tremble in the marching band.
That’s
Probably What The Audience Is Yelling
They
Even Have A Gag Where A Scottish Marching Band Member (The Actual Peter O’Toole
In A Cameo) Asks Evelyn “Are You Richard Burton?” And Evelyn Responds “No, I’m
Peter O’Toole”
Vesper
Lynd shows up as an Irish marching band member and every member of the marching
band as they are beating up Evelyn and then kills Tremble.
La
Chiffre (knowing he can’t get the money now) plans to make a run for it, but
Dr. Noah’s men killing via breaking through the TV and killing him
La
Chiffre’s base blows up and that is all with him. All those scenes were
directed separately by Joseph McGarth and Robert Parrish. We go back to London
and Mata wants to meet the prime minister (who was Harold Wilson in 1967), but
her dad won’t let her for some reason, even though she is an agent. But he
probably should have because she immediately gets kidnapped by SMERSH agents
in…
A
FLYING SAUCER????!!!!!
And
yeah, Sir James immediately knows that has happened and plans a rescue mission
with the remaining James Bonds (not Evelyn of course since he is dead). Then a
nun comes in to explain that Mata has been taken to SMERSH HQ, which is
underneath the Casino Royale so they have to go back to that casino. And the
nun who gave them this news is none other than Agent Mimi.
We then
go to the SMERSH HQ where a little boat from the UFO makes landfall.
I
Wouldn’t Mention This Part, But If You Look Very Closely, You’ll See This
Strange Boat Is Being Moved By A Wire.
Sir
James and Miss Moneypenny come to mount a rescue and immediately get ambushed
by SMERSH agents. Sir James uses a tiger rug like a matador as Moneypenny gets
tied up immediately. He frees Moneypenny, but the agents finally remember they
have guns and use them to make Sir James and Moneypenny to come with them. They
fall down and the agents trip on them so the two try to run where they end up
in a room with many doors.
They go
to a door that so happens to open and are in a room with a spiral on the floor.
They
then go to another room and eventually come face to face with Dr. Noah, who
also reveals he has Sir James Bond clones.
Sir
James kills the clone and shoots out the window hiding Dr. Noah so we finally
see who Dr. Noah really is.
It’s
Jimmy Bond
Jimmy
Bond uses a magnet to disarm the two and we reveal that the voice that
obviously isn’t Woody Allen is because Jimmy Bond has a problem speaking when directly
in the presence of his uncle.
James
Bond Jr. Was Obviously The Better Nephew
Via a
voice in a box, Jimmy Bond reveals his ultimate plan to release a chemical
weapon to make all women beautiful and kill every man over 4 feet 7 inches to
make him the top guy because of his height. Yeah, Jimmy thinks that’s how that
works. I think most women would tell you that is not how that works. After
that, Sir James and Moneypenny are taken to a cell where the rest of the James
Bonds, where Cooper and Mata Bond are also in.
Anyway,
Jimmy goes to a different room where we find the Detainer being naked and tied
up in a way that we don’t get to see her privates.
Jimmy
does this because he actually has the hots for her and wants her to be his sex
partner and partner in crime. He tries to woo her with his piano skills, but it
is revealed that it is a self-playing piano. He then wears a sombrero hat and
tries to punch a punching bag with his uncle’s face on it, but the punching bag
comes back and hits him. He then tries to ride a fake mechanical horse and even
fails at that. Jimmy then reveals that he has created a pill that looks like an
aspirin, but is actually is a bomb that if you swallow, you will turn the
person into a walking atomic bomb after 400 tiny explosions go off in their
body. Jimmy reveals that his birthday is on April Fools Day (which according to
this film is a few days away) and when that happens, all world leaders will be
assassinated and his clones will take their place.
He
offers her the opportunity to be his co-ruler and she accepts. He then takes
her to his clone room where he has clones of all the world leaders and a clone
of The Detainer in case she refused his advances.
Except
The Evil Leaders Who Are Still The Real Leaders Who Have Already Been Replace
With His Clones, Which The Detainer Says Explains A Lot.
But we find out this whole acceptance of hers was a ruse to make him take a
drink with the aspirin bomb in it, which he does. And he realizes via hiccups
immediately he has been had.
She
runs off and Jimmy runs to get an Alka-Seltzer in hopes that will fix his
aspirin bomb (spoiler: it doesn’t). Meanwhile, the captives make a makeshift
bomb to escape.
I
Forgot To Mention Their Cell Is A Room With A Bunch Of Pillows So If This Plan
Did Not Work, They Could Always Create Their Own Pillow Forts Where They Could
Be In Forever. But Sadly It Does So No Pillow Forts.
Awww….I
Wanted To See The Pillow Forts
During
the chaos, they run into the Detainer and they all try to escape. They then run
into Frankenstein’s Monster, who somehow is in this movie and reveals to them
the way to escape.
That Is
The Only Reason This Movie Is Even Being Inducted. Also Frankenstein’s Monster
Was A Last Second Addition As This Actor Was Supposed To Be A Guy In A Winnie
The Pooh Costume Called Super Winnie The Pooh, But Stuff Happened So That
Changed.
They
get to the elevator they were in earlier and separate from The Detainer who
would rather escape via a drain pipe, but the casino is filled with SMERSH
agents so an all out melee begins and even allies show up to help. By the way,
that scene was done and all the scenes that connected other scenes were done by
Val Guest. The final scene will be done by an uncredited director who is stunt
coordinator Richard Talmadge.
Some
notable people in the melee are:
Vesper,
Who Reveals To Sir James That She Is A Double Agent (Which Would Be A Huge
Surprise…If We Didn’t Already See Her Kill Evelyn Earlier)
The
American Help, Which Is Composed Of All Cowboys
Seals
At The Bar That Fight Each Other
A
Monkey In A Wig Playing With Bubbles
A Dog
Biting Someone’s Ass
A
French Painter Painting Gold Women
Native
Americans Jumping Out Of Planes Saying “Geronimo”, Dance Like Morons, And Shoot
Fireworks With Bows
Cowboys
With Guns That Shoot Balls
George
Raft, Who Flips A Coin Like He Did In Scarface (1932)
Ransome,
Who Is Back From The Opening Scene
A
French Legionaire (Played By John Paul Belmondo (Who With George Raft, Were
Somehow Able To Get Actual Billing In This Movie Despite Being Briefly
Featured))
Black
And White Silent Film Police
And
while all of this craziness goes down, Jimmy Bond has been counting down his
hiccups and the entire casino blows up so no one survives.
The
movie ends with Sir James Bond, Cooper, Miss Moneypenny, Mata Bond, Evelyn,
Vesper, and The Detainer all in heaven while Jimmy Bond goes to hell.
Wait….Why
Isn’t Vesper Going To Hell? She Was A Traitor In The End. Jimmy Got A Raw Deal.
And
thankfully, this movie is over. Oh and all the music was done by composed Burt
Bacharach.
Reason
I Mention This Is Years Later, He Would Get Mentioned As The Song Composer By
Mike Myers as Austin Powers In The Austin Powers Films Because Mike Myers Liked
Him So Much
Now
onto the aftermath and while this film did make more than 3 times its budget,
the film was a disappointment and eventually Eon Productions (which had the
rights to the Bond series) would buy Casino Royale and thankfully make a much
better version of this story with Daniel Craig.
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As for
the crew, this was just a bump in the road and plenty would have bigger success
like Woody Allen (who played Jimmy Bond) as he would win 4 Oscars over his
career, but also has a tumultuous personal life that has him now known as an
pedophile who may have molested his own adopted kids…and that is all I am going
to say about that piece of shit. Peter Sellers (who played Evelyn Tremble) would
continue his Pink Panther success with two more Pink Panther sequels. Ursula
Andress (who played Vesper Lynd) would continue to be in films like The
Southern Star, Perfect Friday, Red Sun, The Sensuous Nurse, Slave (or Mountain)
Of The Cannibal God, The Fifth Musketeer, the original Clash of the Titans
(where she would have a kid off an affair with the main star of that movie
Harry Hamlin), and Peter The Great. David Niven (who played Sir James Bond) would
be in Murder By Death and Death Of The Nile (the 1978) version). Orson Welles
(who played La Chiffre) still did a lot of work after this, but his last
directorial film would be actually released in 2018 (The Other Side Of The
Wind) and his last documentary where he had a conversation with Dennis Hopper
would be released in 2020. Joanna Pettet (who played Mata Bond) would be in the
TV movie Pioneer Woman and the theatrical grindhouse film Black Commando (which
is actually an military interpretation of Othello). William Holden (who played
Ransome) would actually have one last great film in him as he was nominated for
Best Leading Actor in 1976’s Network. John Huston (who played M) would act and
direct in films like Chinatown, Fat City, The Man Who Would Be King, Annie,
Prizzi’s Honor, The Dead, The Cardinal, Battle For The Planet Of The Apes, the
1976 animated Hobbit movie (he voiced Gandolf), and of course the much maligned
Myra Breckinridge…
I Don’t
Care If There Even Is A Monster In It (There Probably Isn’t), Don’t Ever Ask Me
To Induct This Movie. I Have Limits Too.
Derek
Nimmo (who played Hadley) still had the BBC1 sitcom All Gas And Gaiters to go
back to. Bernie Cribbins (who played the taxi driver later revealed to be with
the foreign ministry) would be in Alfred Hitchcock’s Frenzy, a narrator for The
Wombles, a reader on Jackanory, and the tv series Old Jack’s Boat. By the time
this movie was over, Jonathan Routh (who played John the cashier) had his
original Candid Camera series end, but he would be back for the revival in 1974.
Vladek Sheybal (who played the auctioneer) would be in Smiley’s People, the
1970 British TV series UFO, the original Shogun tv series, and the original Red
Dawn.
How Can
I Forget That He Was Mr. Boogalow In The Apple. I Might Have To Induct That
Film Someday. That Would Actually Be Fun In A Weird Sort Of Way.
John
Bluthal (who played the doorman) was in The Fifth Element, Superman III, and
Labyrinth. John Wells (who played Q’s assistant) would be in Every Home Should
Have One, Greystroke: The Legend Of Tarzan, and even be in a real Bond film
himself For Your Eyes Only.
But
there were plenty of people who’s careers had only just begun with this film.
Barbara Bouchet (who played Miss Moneypenny) would go on to be in Don’t Torture
A Duckling, Sweet Charity, Caliber 9, The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, The
Scarlet And The Black, and Gangs Of New York. Angela Scoular (who played
Buttercup) would be in Great Catherine, 18 episodes of You Rang, M’Lord?, and
would be in a real Bond film On Her Majesty’s Royal Secret Service. Alexandra
Bastedo (who played Meg) would get her claim to fame a year after this film by
being Sharron Macready in the 1968 British TV series The Champions. Jacqueline
Bissett (who played Miss Goodthighs) would be a name in the next year with work
in The Detective, Bullit, and The Sweet Ride and she would also be in films
like Airport, The Mephisto Waltz, Day For Night, Le Magnifique, Murder On The
Orient Express (the 1974 version), St. Ives, The Deep, The Greek Tycoon, Who Is
Killing The Great Chefs Of Europe, and more that I can’t even name or we’ll be
here longer. Ronnie Corbett (who played Polo) would have The Two Ronnies tv
show, Fierce Creatures, and the tv series Sorry! to continue his career. Caroline
Munro (who was a guard) would have a career in films like Slaughter High, The
Golden Voyage Of Sinbad, At The Earth’s Core, Maniac, and would be in a real
Bond film herself in The Spy Who Loved Me. Veronica Carlson (who played a tall
blonde) would be a female lead in several Hammer films like Dracula Has Risen
From The Grave, Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed, and The Horror Of Frankenstein.
Anjelica Houston (who played Agent Mimi’s hands) would win an Oscar for
Prizzi’s Honor and be in films like Crimes And Misdemeanors, Enemies A Love
Story, The Witches, The Addams Family, and Manhattan Murder Mystery as well as
a director herself. And also in an uncredited role as Frankenstein’s Monster
would be David Prowst, who would become not the voice of, but the guy in the
costume as Darth Vader.
Eddie
Powell was also in this movie and well, he would get into a costume for Alien
and Aliens.
He Was
In The Damn Xenomorph Suit
We also
can’t forget that one of the Scottish strongmen was Terry Richards who would be
more famous as the swordsman Indiana Jones shot in Raiders Of The Lost Ark
Funny
Story I Heard Is This Was Originally Supposed To Be An Actual Sword Battle So
Terry Trained In How To Handle His Weapon Well And When He Came On Set,
Harrison Ford Was Just Tired And Just Made His Finger Into A Gun And Said Bang.
Steven Spielberg Thought It Was So Funny That He Changed The Scene For That To
Happen So All That Sword Training Meant Nothing In The End.
Sadly
this is a 60s movie so you best believe we are going to have a lot of deaths
after this film so if you don’t want to deal with that, skip this paragraph and
the next one. This was one of Duncan McCrae’s (who played Inspector Mathis from
the pre-opening credits scene) movie roles as he passed away the same year as
this movie at the age of 61. Colin Corbin (who played the Casino Director)
passed away in 1972 at the age of 61. Richard Watts (who played a British
Officer) passed away in 1975 at the age of 62 after suffering a heart attack. Charles
Boyer (who played Le Grand) was 78 years old when he committed suicide in 1978
two days after his wife had died. Kurt Kaszmar (who played Smernov) passed away
in 1979 at the age of 65 from cancer. Peter Sellers (who played Evelyn Tremble
aka James Bond) left this mortal coil in 1980 at the age of 54 after suffering
a heart attack. George Raft (who played himself) left this mortal coil in 1980
at the age of 79 from emphysema. William Holden (who played Ransome) was 63
years old fell from his apartment while drunk and died from blood loss in 1981.
David Niven (who played Sir James Bond) died in 1983 at the age of 73 due to
complications from ALS. Orson Welles (who played Le Chiffre) passed away in
1985 at the age of 70 after suffering a heart attack. Chic Murray (who played
Chic) died in 1985 at the age of 65 from a perforated duodenal ulcer. Jon
Huston (one of the directors and who played McTarry aka M) left this mortal
coil in 1987 at the age of 81 from emphysema. Vladek Sheybal (who played the
auctioneer) left this mortal coil in 1992 at the age of 69 from a ruptured
aortic artery. Percy Herbert (who played the 1st Piper) died in 1992
at the age of 72 after suffering a heart attack. Robert Parish (one of the
directors) died in 1995 at the age of 87. Terrence Cooper (who played Cooper
aka James Bond) passed away in 1997 at the age of 64. John Wells (who was Q’s
Assistant) died in 1998 at the age of 61 from cancer. Derek Nimmo (who played
Hadley) left this mortal coil in 1999 at the age of 68 from pneumonia. Ken
Hughes (one of the directors) passed away in 2001 at the age of 79 after
suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. Val Guest (one of the directors) died in
2006 at the age of 94 from prostate cancer. Deborah Kerr (who played Agent Mimi
aka Lady Fiona McTarry) died in 2007 at the age of 86 due to complications from
Parkinson’s Disease. Johnathan Routh (who played John) passed away in 2008 at
the age of 80. Angela Scoular (who played Buttercup) had feared that her past
bowel cancer had return and was an alcoholic dealing with depression, anxiety
over debts, and bipolar disorder so in 2011 at the age of 65, she ingested acid
drain cleaner and poured it over her whole body before setting herself ablaze,
causing lethal burns to her digestive tract and skin. Tracy Reed (who played
Fang Leader) died in 2012 at the age of 70 from liver cancer. Graham Stark (who
played the Cashier) left this mortal coil in 2013 at the age of 91 after
suffering a stroke. Alexandra Bastedo (who played Meg) died in 2014 at the age
of 67 from breast cancer. Ronnie Corbett (who played Polo) died in 2017 at the
age of 85 from motor neurone disease. Dailah Lavi (who played The Detainer aka
James Bond) left this mortal coil in 2017 at the age of 74 from natural causes.
Geoffrey Bayldon (who played Q) left this mortal coil in 2017 at the age of 93
after respiratory problems. John Bluthal (who played the doorman) passed away
in 2018 at the age of 89 from complications due to a fall. Anna Quayle (who
played Frau Hoffner) passed away in 2019 at the age of 86 from Lewy body
dementia. Jean-Paul Belmondo (who played the French Legionnaire) died in 2021
at the age of 88. Gabriella Lucudi (who played Eliza) left this mortal coil in
2022 at the age of 81. Bernard Cribbins (who played the taxi driver aka foreign
ministry agent) left this mortal coil in 2022 at the age of 93. Burt Bacharach
(the movie composer) would sadly pass away in 2023 at the age of 94 from
natural causes.
Sadly
there are a lot more as the uncredited cast were also victims to death. This
was Richard Reeves’ (who played a hitman) last film as he died the same year at
the age of 54 from cirrhosis of the liver. Patrick Halpin (who played a casino
patron) died in 1971 at the age of 70. Ernest Fennemore (who played a casino
patron) died in 1972. Erik Chitty (who was Sir James’ butler) left this mortal
coil in 1977 at the age of 70. Ernie Rice (who played a casino patron) left
this mortal coil in 1979. Victor Harrington (who also played a casino patron)
passed away in 1980 at the age of 70 from an acute myocardial infarction. Harry
Hutchinson (who played a footman) passed away in 1980 at the age of 87. Richard
Talmage (the uncredited director of the final scene and played an uncredited
role as a Keystone Kop) passed away in 1981 at the age of 88 from cancer.
R.S.M. Brittain (who played Seargent Major) died in 1981 at the age of 81. Hal
Galili (the US officer who might have been a bit too happy about the idea of a
war) passed away in 1983 at the age of 56. John Le Mesurier (who was M’s
driver) left this mortal coil in 1983 at the age of 71 from cirrhosis of the
liver. Ian Hendry (who played a hitman) died in 1984 at the age of 53 after
suffering a stomach hemorrhage. Valentine Dyall (who played Vesper Lynn’s
assistant and Dr. Noah’s voice (when it wasn’t Woody Allen)) left this mortal
coil in 1985 at the age of 77. Milton Reid (who played a temple guard) passed
away in 1987. Rita Tobin-Weske (who played a woman in a crowd) passed away in
1987 at the age of 81 from renal failure. Ian Wilson (who played a British army
officer) left this mortal coil in 1987. Alf Manigan (who was a man in a crowd)
passed away in 1988 at the age of 71. Mona Washbourne (who played a tea lady)
left this mortal coil in 1988 at the age of 84. Paddy Ryan (who played another
man in the casino) passed away in 1990 at the age of 79. Jack “Kid” Berg (who
played a cowboy) died in 1991 at the age of 81. Juba Kennerley (who played a
man in Trafalgar Square) died in 1991 at the age of 102. Dido Plumb (who played
a man in a crowd) passed away in 1991 at the age of 85. Ken Buckle (who played
a crewman/gamekeeper) died in 1994 at the age of 76. Bill Sawyer (who played a
Russian officer) left this mortal coil in 1996. Peter Ashmore (who played a
barman) passed away in 1997 at the age of 81. Romo Gorrara (who played a man in
the casino) died in 1997 at the age of 65. Roy Beck (who played a casino
patron/tourist) left this mortal coil in 1998 at the age of 68. Guy Standeven
(who played a bus driver) left this mortal coil in 1998 at the age of 70. Eddie
Powell (who was a man in the casino) left this mortal coil in 2000 at the age
of 73. Jack Gwillim (who played a British officer at the auction) passed away
in 2001 at the age of 91. Bill Cummings (who played Russian officer and a
cowboy) passed away in 2002 at the age of 81. Cliff Diggins (who also played a
cowboy) died in 2002 at the age of 71. Alexander Dore (who played an extra)
passed away in 2002 at the age of 78. Frank Haggerty (who played a man in the
casino) left this mortal coil in 2002 at the age of 80. Bunny Seaman (who
played another casino patron) passed away in 2003 at the age of 95. Walter
Henry (who also played a casino patron) left this mortal coil in 2005 at the
age of 83. Terry Yorke (who played a Scottish strongman) died in 2003. John
Hollis (who played Fred) died in 2005 at the age of 77 from natural causes. Alf
Joint (who also played a man in the casino) left this mortal coil in 2005 at
the age of 77. Peter Brayham (who played a Native American) left this mortal
coil in 2006 at the age of 70 from cancer. Frank Maher (who was also a man in
the casino) died in 2007 at the age of 78 due to complications from emphysema.
Lewis Alexander (who played a bus passenger) died in 2010 at the age of 100.
Max Faulkner (who played a Chinese soldier) died in 2010. Robert Rowland (who
played an MI5 agent) died in 2010 at the age of 82. Bob Godfrey (who played a
Scottish strongman) left this mortal coil in 2012 at the age of 92. Barrie
Melrose (who played an extra) died in 2013. Peter O’Toole (who was a cameo of a
Scottish piper) died in 2013 at the age of 81 from stomach cancer. Terry
Richards (who played a Scottish strongman) died in 2014 at the age of 81.
Robert Rietty (who did some dubbing in the film) passed away in 2015 at the age
of 92. Burt Kwouk (who played a Chinese general) passed away in 2016 at the age
of 85 from cancer. Arnold Schulkes (who played another casino patron) died in
2016 at the age of 85. Mirielle Darc (who played the driver road fighting with
Sir James) passed away in 2017 at the age of 79. Yvonne Marsh (who was a Bond
girl) died in 2017 at the age of 84. Connie Tilton (who played a female
soldier) died in 2017. Peter Brace (who also played a cowboy) passed away in
2018 at the age of 94. Stirling Moss (who was the guy whose car Evelyn Tremble
took) died in 2020 at the age of 90 after a long illness. David Prowse (who was
Frankenstein’s Monster) died in 2020 at the age of 85. Joe Cornelius (who also
played a cowboy) died in 2021 at the age of 93. Doug Robinson (who played a
Russian soldier and a Scottish wrestler) left this mortal coil in 2021 at the
age of 91. Nikki Van Der Zyl (who dubbed for Ursula Andress since Ursula has a
very thick accent (she also did the same in Dr. No)) passed away in 2021 at the
age of 85 after suffering a stroke. Veronica Carlson (who played tall blonde) passed
away in 2022 at the age of 77 from natural causes. Ruth Leon Weiman (who played
a blackjack player) died in 2022 at the age of 91. Jennifer White (who played a
Bond girl) passed away in 2023 at the age of 80.
Before
I get to my final thoughts on this movie, I have to give credit to Digiranma
for the cameo and you can visit his website here.
Now
time for my final thoughts. This movie is 2 hours long and it freaking feels
like it is that long (maybe even longer). And even worse, for a parody comedy,
it is not really that funny. There are two or three times I chuckled during
this whole movie and that is definitely not good for a two hour movie to have
only 3 jokes that land. Stuff happens with no explanations (for obvious
reasons) which confuses anyone rather quickly. Even the great Burt Bacharach
doesn’t feel like he is at his A game on this music as it isn’t that great. If
you want a better Casino Royale, just watch the 2006 film although they turn
SMERSH into Quantum for some reason. If you want a spy movie spoof, you can
watch the Austin Powers films, Spy (a rare time where Melissa McCarthy is good
in a comedy), Kingsman: The Secret Service (ignore the sequels) and heck, even 1984’s
Top Secret.
So it
is time for the next induction and Bob has chosen a sequel to a film of a film
I have done in the past….and sadly it is definitely not one I am looking
forward to.
Yep…It’s
Time To Go Back To The Wooden Acting And Bad CGI Of The Birdemic Films
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