Saturday, June 25, 2022

Monster Crap Inductee: Flesh Wounds (2011)

Monster Crap Inductee: Flesh Wounds
Jackass Hercules Is Not Schwarzenegger

2011

Last month, we talked about a rip-off of Gorgo, which some saw as a rip-off of Godzilla. This month (once again thanks to Gus), we have a another movie that can be seen as a rip-off of Robowar, which was definitely a rip-off of Predator.


In 1987, John McTiernan made a film called Predator that was about the best of the best as far as a mercenary commando team goes, taking on an alien trophy hunter that for the most part has way better technology than these commandos. Now normally this could be a film that could easily be just cheesy and generic as hell, but McTiernan (who just directed Die Hard not that long after this) decided that he needed these commandos to be awesomely acted so that when any one of them dies, it sucks….so he hired Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Sonny Landham, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Bill Duke, Richard Chaves, and Shane Black as the mercenaries. Add to the fact that this Predator goes by extreme hunter logic to where he will easily take down the weak, but when faced by a real tough prey….he wants to go all out and show his toughness against this. The movie was a huge hit and is still loved today, and in my case….being my third favorite film of all time and until I was 17, was my favorite film of all time.


Enter Bruno Mattei, who has been well know for ripping off hit films with Shocking Dark (known as Bruno Mattei’s Terminator 2 (seriously, he freaking called it that)), Strike Commando (a rip off of Rambo: First Blood Part 2), and Cruel Jaws (he tried to call it Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws), who saw this Predator film be a huge hit and as usual with his Modus operandi, decided to rip it off with Robowar in 1988 and his lead would be one he used a lot in Reb Brown (who you may remember from past inductions Space Mutiny and Howling 2: Your Sister Is A Werewolf) with a bunch of mercenary commandos taking on a cyborg.

So now we come to 23 years later and some guy named Dan Garcia…

No, That Is Daniel Garcia And I Believe He Was Still In School When This Film Was Made

Dan Garcia is a director who makes straight to DVD films when he directs, but is mostly a producer. But this is one of those films that he directed and for this film, he decided to make a Predator rip-off and get two names in Kevin Sorbo and Bokeem Woodbine. Kevin Sorbo was of course Hercules in that TV series back in the 90s.

Yeah, That Guy...

Bokeem Woodbine had his big break also in the 90s with a 1994 film called Jason’s Lyric.

He Was Joshua

Everyone else I either I don’t know who they are or I know them from a past Monster Crap induction. In the latter, we have first a man named Wallace Merck.

He Was A Goomba In The 1993 Super Mario Bros. Movie

We also have Gabe Begnead (who was a car driver who talked trash in the terrible 2015 Fantastic Four movie) and an uncredited role for Nathan Alan Thomas (who did the same as a Scientist in a Hazmat Suit in that terrible 2015 Fantastic Four movie).

Now with all that out of the way, let’s get to the damn movie.

But before I begin, I gotta talk about the production company behind this, Phase 4 Films.


They are a Canadian production company that has been well known for trying to promote films as rip-offs of blockbuster films like The Asylum, but in worse quality. They also were the place certain hack directors used to get their films out (they were the ones who released A Talking Cat?, and several Uwe Boll films). Two years after this film, they got busted by Disney as they bought a film called The Legend of Sarila and called it Frozen Land, basically with a lot of the outer box of their DVD to look a lot like Frozen. Disney of course wasn’t freaking having it and they sued and basically Phase 4 had to settle out of court and also pay Disney $100,000 while making removing all those Frozen Land designs. They went out of business in 2015 and they will probably have more inductions in the future.

We begin with these mercenaries and scientists out on a boat.


Sadly, they are not fishing and instead looking for something while the scientists do calculation stuff. Unfortunately for them, what they were searching for found them and decided to kill them.

This Thing Floating Around Will Make Even Less Sense When You See What It Really Is

As the smoke being comes at them, we finally get our opening title card.


As the credits go on, we get some run through of the bayous that are in Louisiana, which this was filmed at. We also meet our main man Tyler.


We then go to Washington DC where we meet a Senator and I guess former army guy who is running this operation from his small office named Rogers.


He gets a folder and then calls someone to monitor the situation and keep him clued in on everything at all times. We go back to the supposed Undisclosed Location and we see Tyler meet Colonel Carter

At Least I’m Not A Damn Goomba This Time

Carter says his orders come from the Secretary Of Defense (who never shows up in this film) and he needs his best men or he is in deep trouble. Basically, Tyler’s team’s last mission was during a war of some kind. We then see his men as several of them have to get Jessie away from a female soldier, reminding him that something bad happened last time.


Back to Carter telling Tyler of the mission and that people have gone missing from the area and they believe a terrorist training camp is nearby so he has to find them men and bring them back. They are getting paid $150,000 for each of the men they find and Tyler here will get a gold star on top of that.

Back in DC, Rogers gets a call about the operation and wants an asset from his team to go with them to be their eyes and ears on the ground. Then back at the Undisclosed Location where Tyler’s team is getting all geared up. One of the Colonel’s lackeys tells the crew that he needs to take away everyone’s dog tags. This pisses them off with Colby wondering why they would do that.


Jackie also has problems with this as he needs to get home to his family.

Hey Bokeem….

Tyler eventually agrees that everyone has to give up their dog tags after being assured they will go back to their families if they pass. Cassandra shows up and tries to be polite, but Tyler immediately tells her she is not allowed on this mission.


Unfortunately for Tyler, he doesn’t get to make that decision and the Colonel basically tells him that she is going with them whether they like it or not. Being a woman and being not part of the team, she gets harassed by the entire team as they go to their destination.

They enter the forest looking for the men and the terrorist camp and while going to a nearby beach, they find a boat and some dead bodies.


The bodies have all had their brains sucked out of them. Colby tells Tyler these deaths were caused by professionals and not some ragtag team of terrorists. Jackie reveals that these people had some serious weaponry. Tyler immediately tells Cassandra if she is withholding information that may be important, he will make sure she will regret the day she was born. He has Jackie torch the boat and they leave. In the woods they find more bodies.


Once again, all of their brains are missing. Colby tells the others that they let off at least a thousand rounds of bullets and yet there is no body riddled with bullets so something is definitely strange. More walking happens when they finally find what they believe to be the training camp for the terrorists.


Jessie sneaks up and kills two of the enemy guys. They then find another terrorist that Colby kills.


Tyler makes Cassandra stay behind while they deal with the rest of the terrorists. A firefight ensues shortly afterwards and we get this interesting shot.

Yep…One Of The Terrorists Had A Spray Thing Behind His Head.

After killing everyone they see, they find out that these guys are not terrorists, but are US army guys as well. Tyler does not understand any of this. Cassandra shows up and more people start shooting so the firefight continues between Tyler’s team and this other team of US Military. Tyler’s team of course kills these guys with no problem, not even questioning the whole why are we fighting each other. Only after the killing does Tyler even want to ask Cassandra what is going on here. Cassandra says they just need to do their damn job and continue killing any enemy they find. Jackie once again torches the place, this time with a grenade.


Tyler and Cassandra have a bit of a argument over whether they are just puppets for the United States government.

Yeah, They Probably Will Kiss At Some Point

More Predators rip-off points as the creature is obviously watching them.


After some more walking, they take a break at a clearing to do stuff like take a piss and relax while Tyler looks at the map. Jessie and Colby also make jokes about the woman with them and one guy might be gay as when they talk to him about it, he just says “Don’t ask, don’t tell”. That is a joke on a bill about how the US military should deal with gay and bi-sexual people in the military and that bill would be repealed…..at the same time this movie would come out.

Cassandra talks to Tyler about the company he keeps and Tyler says they are real men, something she has never seen before. Cassandra retorts that she still hasn’t seen one, basically saying they aren’t real men either. They continue as we hear a rip-off Predator music. Yes, not only is this movie ripping off the plot and the look, it is also ripping off the music of Predator.

Cassandra separates from the group and finds a bit of separated tech. Jackie sees this and wonders what she is doing, to which Cassandra says nothing. They are about to fight when shots are fired by more of these fake terrorists. Jackie goes to chase them off as Cassandra gets grabbed by one. Cassandra gets him off of her, but an energy shot comes from somewhere else that kills this fake terrorists.

The Blood Gets On Cassandra

Then we go with Jessie and a guy whose name I don’t know as Jessie talks about the other guy having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Jessie wants him to talk to him about it, but the other guy doesn’t want to. They then find a fake terrorist that is dead.


So instead of Long Time Sally from Little Richard which was in Predator, we get Jackie whistling Pop Goes The Weasel.

Tyler and his guys (except for Jackie) come across Cassandra still standing over the dead fake terrorist. Cassandra struggles to explain what happened and also mentions that Jackie went off to chase some fake terrorists. Jackie elsewhere gets into a fight with a fake terrorist and Jackie kills him.

The men want Cassandra to explain what is going on and she finally explains that she was told that something was out here. Jessie and the guy who has PTSD go off and the PTSD guy says he is done with this mission. Jessie tries to talk to him about talking about the PTSD because if you hold it in, you will be so messed up. They find another fake terrorist and Jessie tries to have the guy with PTSD shoot him, but for some reason he cant so Jessie knocks him out. Jessie then cuts the guys fingers off until he is told that there is a hunter out there and it will kill them. Jessie then just kills the guy.

The guy who they think is gay goes off and is about to get killed by a fake terrorist, but the hunter gets the fake terrorist instead. Also sucks out his brain in the most CGI way possible.


He yells for the others, but they don’t hear him. He screams and they finally hear him and call him Brent.

Yep….The Guy Who They Think May Be Gay Is Named Brent

Like Cassandra, Brent is unable to explain what killed the fake terrorist and then took his body. Tyler says they go to get out of here and “to the chopper”.

Tyler Is No Dutch

PTSD guy then goes running off on his own and gets killed.


Why The Hell Are You Copying My Moves?

Colby then gets killed as Jessie watches in horror.


The rest start shooting at what they think killed him, but they don’t know what it was. Jackie also rejoined the group and is firing before Tyler tells them to stop as they are all confused by what they saw. Tyler has Jackie go on recon as the rest need to find that chopper. We then finally see what this creature looks like and…

It’s Just A Cyborg

And this is where I say this is a rip-off of Robowar. The monster in Robowar is also a cyborg that our mercenary commandos are dealing with. But unlike where that cyborg was revealed to be a lost friend of the main character who he thought had died, this cyborg…..was just some guy who volunteered for a program. In fact, he was one of three candidates that were to be in this program and the other two didn’t qualify (either fitness or Herpes) and we shot in the head by Rogers while they had a bag over their head.


This is also what the guy looked like before he was turned into a cyborg.


All of this while the cyborg goes to repair himself and go back to killing.

Yes, Our Cyborg Has A Base Of Operations

Back in DC, Rogers orders for the asset they have on the ground to kill the rest of the team. We know that asset is Cassandra, but this will never be brought up again. No, she neither tells them about this nor does she even give a hint she ever got this order. You’d think something as key as the government screwing over our supposed protagonists would be brought up more than this scene, but I’m here to spoil you and say the answer is no.

Meanwhile, Jessie tries calling for help on the radio, but he gets nothing. Jessie yells at Cassandra, blaming her for why they are out here, and Tyler has to calm him down. Tyler basically says they all need to be on the same page to kill this thing or this thing will kill them. They decide to make camp for the night. Then we have a montage of them setting up traps in order to either capture or kill this creature.

Unfortunately for them, this creature is on to their little game and just tosses dead bodies of people it has killed into the traps.


The group resets the traps and Tyler and Cassandra get to talking about their pasts. Tyler talks about how his chopper was shot down, his team was ambushed and captured, and he was the only one who made it out alive. Cassandra then explains that she is privately telling him about this area being a testing ground for something called the E-16, a project to create the perfect cyborg soldier. The government has of course lost control of it so they were sent in, but she doesn’t know why the creature is taking human brains.

The trap goes off and this time it is the cyborg. Jessie gets injured by a shot to the leg and the guy with the head scarf and Brent get killed.


Jackie runs off as Tyler and Cassandra come to Jessie’s aid. Jessie is about to say “this is bullshit” (something he has said several times), but gets shot in the head by the cyborg before he can complete saying it.


Then in a terrible bit of editing, we then see a mannequin that I think was supposed to be Jessie gets its head blown off as Jessie was falling.

Notice The Mannequin Wasn’t Falling

Tyler is upset and shoots the creature while calling it a bastard and telling Cassandra to run.

Cassie: Oh My God, It Killed Jessie
Tyler: You Bastard!!

Meanwhile, the cyborg eventually kills Jackie, who said it couldn’t kill him because he is from Philly.

Guess The Creature Is Like Me And Hates Philadelphia (Especially Their Fans And Sports Teams). Also….Guess You Couldn’t Get Bokeem Woodbine To Do An Onscreen Death. Lame…

That night, the cyborg goes back to his base of operations to make repairs to itself. We also see Tyler getting locked and loaded.


An explosion was set off and Tyler goes to see it. As he sees blood on the wall, but no body parts….he starts yelling that he got the cyborg. The creature started firing back so a gun battle happens. The cyborg runs off, but he unknowingly leads Tyler to his own base. As the cyborg is once again fixing things, Tyler sets explosives around the base.  Unfortunately for Tyler, the cyborg sees him and attacks. A weak ass fight occurs and for most of it, it is one sided as the cyborg is kicking Tyler’s ass.

Tyler then decides to throw a grenade and the cyborg (despite being a former army guy I think) doesn’t know what a grenade is so he just lets it roll up to him and explode, which causes him to fall back into the base.

And They Had An Obvious Stunt Double With Medium Hair When The Cyborg Barely Had Hair On His Head.

Tyler grabs the remote and detonates the explosives, which kills the cyborg.


Tyler then passes out and wakes up at the extraction point with Cassandra as the copter arrives.


Tyler is stretchered in and they leave this supposed undisclosed area that really is parts of Louisiana. Back in DC, Rogers gets the call that the cyborg has been destroyed and that Tyler is still alive so he tells them to erase all traces of its existence as well as any survivors. He then goes to the place where the initial operation began in his military regalia. There, he leaves a note before he grabs a pistol and kills himself.


The helicopter arrives back to the docks of some base. Tyler confronts Col. Carter and gets the dog tags back as well as being told he will get his Gold Star for this. After a few words, Tyler punches Carter in the face.

Yeah….I Think That Would Screw You Of Your Gold Star And You Would Be Arrested And Dishonorably Discharged.

Cassandra meets up with Tyler and asks what is next. Tyler says he is going to go to the families of his men and tell them what happened to them. He also admits he was wrong about Cassandra. Cassandra and Tyler then kiss.

I Knew They Were Going To.

And that is the end of this movie.

No aftermath to the movie itself. Kevin Sorbo (who played Tyler) has sadly become a complete shithead on Twitter and has been promoting bogus claims. He has also done several religious strawmen films and has just been a joke. Bokeem Woodbine (who played Jackie) has actually done okay with himself as he was cast as Shocker in Spider-Man: Homecoming as well as shows like Fargo and movies like Queen & Slim.

Let’s Not Talk About The Crap That Was The Halo TV Series On Paramount+

No deaths thankfully so we can get to my final thoughts on this movie. This movie just sucks and is one of the worst movies I have inducted on this site. This movie was such a rip-off of Predator, even worse than Bruno Mattei did with Robowar. The music rip-offs, the plot rip-offs, and doing moment by moment stuff like Predator did is unforgivable. This movie should not exist and I am completely surprised that 20th Century Fox did not sue this film. Besides the rip-off, the CG effects are bad (although the practical effects were decent), the acting was bad, and the editing at times just looked questionable. I made complaints about Gappa being kind of a boring rip-off, but this film is so fragrant that it freaking pisses me off. Fuck this movie.


Now let’s hope that Gus’ pick for the next induction doesn’t piss me off.

Well, I Better Get Used To Plenty Of Rock Climbing

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