Saturday, February 13, 2016

Monster Crap Inductee: Fantastic Four (2015 GINO Award Winner)


What Do You Want That You Need To Yell My Name?

You mother fucker….how much did you pay the refs for that Super Bowl? How much did you pay for my team to lose, you shit grinning son of a bitch?!!

Oh, this is about that great Super Bowl where your team choked the big one.

Watch it, pal!

Oh, it’s not fun losing, is it? Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. I only paid the refs for the first quarter, your team blew it the rest of the way.


Now get to inducting the worst movie of 2015. Oh and by the way, congrats on winning the Fantasy Football bet where you’ll get the summer to review your films. But, I have something in store for you in April.

Goddamm….fine, let’s get to the induction.

Monster Crap Inductee: Fantastic Four
Beyond Incompetence…Beyond Ego…Lies The Shitastic

2015 GINO Award Winner

2015 was not the best year for movies given that I was able to do a Top 20 Best and Worst of the Year and according to you fans, I still had not seen the worst of the year as neither of the two films that people voted a lot on were films I had seen with Jem And The Holograms and the one that ultimately won, Fantastic Four.

In 1961, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby were commissioned to create a superhero team by their boss Martin Goodman because Martin had played a golf game with someone high on DC Comics and that person was bragging about how well the Justice League was doing. They of course created Fantastic Four and the rest of that story is history. 6 years later, a Fantastic Four cartoon was made by Hanna Barbera which lasted only 20 episodes, so yeah….a hiccup there. In 1994, Constantin Films (who somehow got the rights to a Fantastic Four) commissioned Roger Corman to make a Fantastic Four movie so they could keep the rights. What nobody who made the film knew was that the film was never going to be released and is still a prize among movie bootleggers.

11 years later, another film was made with Fox now having the rights. The film had Ioan Gruffuld, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, and Michael Chiklis as the Fantastic Four while Julian McMahon played their main villain Victor Von Doom/Dr. Doom.

Despite mixed reviews, the film made a lot of money and a sequel was immediately commissioned which would introduce the Silver Surfer and set up for an eventual confrontation with Galactus, which was supposed to happen in the third film.

That Film Bombed So There Never Was A Third Movie…Although That Was Probably For The Best As The Film Had The Gall To Have The Eater Of Worlds, Galactus, Be A Fucking Cloud.

So because of that failure, Fox just sat on the franchise and kept making X-Men movies instead as those still made money, but around 2014…they came to a little problem. Marvel had actually created their own studios and with the backing of Disney a year after the film division was created, Marvel made it pretty well known that if you lost the film rights to their properties, you weren’t getting them back, which is why Sony had to do Amazing Spider-man despite Spiderman 3 being only 5 years old.

But what was different for Fox was that they had TWO Franchises they were fixing to lose if they didn’t make another movie to as they also had the rights to Daredevil. Fox could only choose one and basically let the other one expire back to Marvel so they decided to give Daredevil back to Marvel.

Marvel In Turn Made A Daredevil TV Series Exclusively For Netflix That Was A Slam Dunk Hit And Not The Flop That The Daredevil Movie Was.

So with Daredevil gone, Fox immediately had to rush out a Fantastic Four movie because if this got cancelled at this point, it was bye-bye to a series that they believed they could make money off of. In their hurry, they made many decisions like hiring Josh Trank to direct the film after he made the hit found footage film, Chronicle

Surprisingly, Chronicle Was A Good Film

They also made a lot of hires in the cast like Miles Teller as Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic, Kate Mara (my favorite of the Mara sisters) as Sue Storm/Invisible Girl, Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm/Thing and the most controversial, Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm/Human Torch (controversial because Johnny Storm had always been white and Michael B. Jordan was a black man). Personally, I really don’t care about race and even if I did have a problem, that whole thing was crap when we already had a white girl in Sue Storm be played by a Latina woman in Jessica Alba in the last film.

But the film had bigger problems because as we learned while making the film, Josh Trank wasn’t a big fan of the series he was adapting so he was writing a script that had things that would totally betray the fan base…and if you have been paying attention in Hollywood forever, giving someone the film rights to a franchise that they don’t really care for, normally turns out goddamn horrible.

It got even worse as once the film was finished and trailers were coming out, NO ONE was talking positively about the film and the film was getting the always bothersome review embargo where you can’t write reviews until the film gets released. And since it is being inducted onto this site, you can guess how the final product turned out. But enough with that, let’s get into this film that you all thought was the worst of 2015.

We begin this film with a classroom of 5th grade kids in Oyster Bay, New York talking about what they plan to be when they grow up. The kid we hear first wants to be quarterback for the New York Giants. Oh, and this kid even has an annual salary modeled of between 10 and 20 million dollars a year. Next is Reed Richards, who is this kid. Reed Richards says that he wants to be the first person in human history to teleport himself, which gets a laugh.

And the teacher asks him to repeat that.

The Teacher In This Room Is Dan Castellanata, Who Most Will Know As The Voice Of Homer Simpson, But Here In Monster Crap, He Will Always Be Remembered As The Narrator For Super Mario Bros. Who Asked Us What Would Happen If The Meteor Sent The Dinosaurs To Another Dimension.

Anyway, Young Reed here talks about the scientific ways he can teleport himself and even says he has a prototype at home. His teacher reacts by making fun of him for this technological crap asking if next year is going to be a flying car, which Reed responds by saying he isn’t working on that anymore. Anyway, Mr. Kenny as the teacher is called, tells Reed to redo his career and come back with a real career. Okay, Mr. Kenny, you are a terrible teacher. Despite Reed’s wild ambitions, who the hell are you to say that his wish to be the first person to teleport himself is not realistic? Next thing you will be doing is telling the next kid who wants to be the first person to go to Mars that he is being unrealistic.

Here we also meet Ben Grimm and Ben Grimm is the son of a junkyard owner.

Ben Grimm goes home and passes his brother who decides to be a bully and say “It’s clobbering time” before picking on him.

Yes, the iconic Ben Grimm line of “It’s clobbering time” is in this film based on his brother being a fucking bully. This is just so wrong. What are your thoughts, former WWE Champion turned UFC Fighter who used to do shout that same thing, CM Punk?

See What You Did, Movie? You Made CM Punk Sad!

The mom comes in to go after the older son who was picking on the younger one. She also tells Ben to go outside and check on what the dog is barking at. Ben gets the bat and yells at the dogs to go away. Ben heads to the car and sees Reed, who needs a power converter. Ben allows him to take the converter from the car in exchange for allowing Ben to see the teleporting machine.

They go to Reed’s house, where they build the machine. They use a toy car as a guinea pig for this experiment. The machine for the most part works, teleporting the car, but it also causes a power outage.

Good News Is You Succeeded. Bad News Is You Are In Big Trouble, Mister!

And I think I know what his dad is exactly going to do: Make them watch Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show.

That Will Teach The Little Imp For Causing A Blackout And Screwing Him Out Of Watching The Game.

7 years later, Reed and Ben display their teleporter at a science fair in a high school gymnasium.

Poor Ben Grimm

If you are not a comic book fan and are wondering why I am saying poor Ben…here is why. Ben Grimm is a jock who excelled at football and as a Marine test pilot before becoming a scientist. So basically, they turned tough guy Ben Grimm into a scrawny kid. Yeah, this movie can kiss my ass.

Reed decides to be a dick and use another kid’s model airplane as the guinea pig since Ben forgot to bring the model car. So they do the experiment where the plane is teleporter to an unknown place and back.

The reaction to bringing it back causes the basketball hoop at this gymnasium.

They then get DQed because as Mr. Kenny says “This is a science fair, not a magic competition”. Excuse me? Magic? MAGIC??!!! This is science and before you made them simplify it to telling you it is a teleporter, they explained their work. This is obviously not a magic act. Now, does that stop them from being disqualified? Hell no! They destroyed school property. That is an automatic disqualification. So you DQ them for destroying school equipment, but not for magic. You are a terrible teacher, Mr. Kelly! God, when I heard that, I wanted to scream my head off.

Reed apologizes to the kid for destroying his plane and the kid calls him a dick. So it seems Reed and Ben have failed, but they do get noticed by Dr. Franklin Storm and his daughter Sue from The Baxter Foundation.

They talk about doing the same experiment with teleporters (except being able to bring the items back from another dimension) and want the two high school kids to help build them one that allows them to bring the items back from that same dimension. So yes, this was science and you just got someone to hire you to a FULL Scholarship. Mr. Kelly, you should be fired!

So they head to the Baxter Building.

Enjoy It Now Because After They Get Their Powers, That Building Will Never Be Used Again. Yeah, This Won’t Be The Fantastic Four’s Headquarters.

So Reed and Ben are brought to Reed’s office so they can get the place to his liking. Ben leaves and goes away for a good chunk of the movie (although not the majority). Reed heads to the library and talks with Sue, although she is clearly annoyed by him. Sue talks about music being pattern recognition. She talks about thinking Reed just wants to be famous and Reed says that’s not true, but he does want his work to make a difference.

Franklin then talks to the board who are not happy about bringing another kid in. The board also doesn’t believe his teleporter will work and then Franklin talks about bringing back Victor Von  Doom into the project. He convinces them to do so despite them thinking Victor should be in jail for set fire to the data servers. Franklin then finds Vincent and is able to get him to rejoin the project.

Looks Like A Trustworthy Guy To Me.

Oh and we learn that Victor has kind of a crush on Sue as she is basically the only reason he comes back. In the lab, Sue says he nearly caused a black hole with his experiment. Victor in the lab also pisses on the schematics of the machine Reed built. It is revealed that this planet can help save the world even though Victor isn’t sure about saving this one. Yeah, he is one of those guys and Sue jokes about his opinion by calling him Doctor Doom (this will be the only time he is ever called Dr. Doom and it was done as a joke). Franklin thinks they can work together to save the world through their generation.

We then see Johnny Storm who is about to compete in a street race.

Johnny of course loses because he blew out his engine going too fast and then crashes into a pole. We then cut to Franklin getting Johnny out of the hospital and Johnny tries to lie about not street racing, but Franklin knows his son’s bullshit. Franklin wants his son to do so much more and tells his son he isn’t getting his car back until he earns it back. Yep…Johnny is going to be forced to work with the team.

Johnny goes to his work at the lab and we immediately see that he and Victor are not the best of friends. Reed asks for some help and Johnny is willing to help. We then getting a short montage of everyone making the machine and the suits for the machine. We then go back to Grimm’s junkyard as Ben is getting home from school and he gets texts from Reed talking about how close they are to finishing the machine.

After that, we get a conversation between Reed and Sue. We also learn that Sue was adopted since her real parents died. This was done of course for those who were pissed that a white Sue Storm and a black Johnny were brothers and their dad was black. Honestly, it would have been a lot easier if they had a picture of their white mom, but then we would get the “controversy” of interracial marriage (yes, for some reason, someone would have been pissed).

Anyway, we see that the two have a personal connection and after they separate, Victor complains that Reed is being unprofessional. Reed then says that they finished it so he decides to go take a nap while telling Victor to tell Dr. Storm for him.

Well, it is time for the big test on this teleporter. The test subject?

A CGI Chimpanzee….Guess It Was Too Much Hard Work To Get A Real Chimpanzee.

Look, I understand Rise of the Planet of the Apes because they needed to use so many apes and they didn’t want you to differentiate between real and fake apes….like what happened with Congo. But this is the only ape we will ever see in this movie so maybe just one moment, you would think this movie would get an actual ape for this movie. But no, we have a CGI ape.

Had To Use It. Sorry Cyndi.

Long story short…the test works as the ape is teleported into the next dimension and then teleported back. The next thing that happens is the board tells the crew that they need to get in correspondence with NASA so they can send professionals to that dimension that they have now named Planet Zero. This sounds like this would be a smart idea so we can send people who can deal with this shit, but…this pisses off Victor and Reed as THEY wanted to go to the next dimension.

So guess what the two fuckheads decide to do? They recruit Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm to come with them, break into the lab, and make sure they go to Planet Zero because they want to be the first to do this because they wanted to be remembered like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. I really hate these selfish pricks. Sue Storm learns of this and tries to stop them, but they don’t listen to her.

So they all teleport to Planet Zero and have a flag to plant there, but that isn’t enough for them. Victor wants to go exploring and instead of telling him, we can leave that shit to the professionals since they already were on the planet, they all go to where this green shit is.

Oh and it gets worse because in a moment that makes me want to wring these guys’ necks, Victor decides to touch the green stuff.

What goes wrong here is the green stuff becomes alive and chases the three (Johnny Storm decided to be smart and stay away). They climb to the top, but unfortunately, Victor gets taken by the green stuff.

We see the green stuff burn Victor’s suit to his skin as he falls and they believe Victor is dead. The other three go into their pods and get Sue, who is in the lab, to teleport them back. The doors won’t close so some stuff comes back with them.

Johnny Gets Engulfed In Fire

They teleport back, but because of the manual override with the machine not being on even ground, the teleporter explodes engulfing all three of them plus Sue Storm.

And Again, They Cause A Massive Power Outage

Reed wakes up and tries to get Ben out of a rock formation, but when he turns around, he realizes he has stretched his leg since his leg was caught under the machine.

Reed faints because of this. We then go to Area 57.

Reed wakes up in a different lab and finds out he has been strapped to a table, but being strapped to a table isn’t the only problem.

Hi, Stretch Armstrong

Okay….I kid, I kid. Reed Richards has obviously become Mr. Fantastic although they will never call him that. Reed keeps asking where his friends are, but the scientists just want him to try to move his fingers. Meanwhile, Dr. Storm is getting interrogated by army brass.

They keep asking to be reminded that Dr. Storm ran the experiment, which he says he did, but he wasn’t there when they did the teleportation. He then deadpan asks where his kids are as if he knows this film is going to suck. They take Dr. Storm to Sue who keeps going in and out of being visible and Johnny, who is okay while still being on fire.

All of these scenes are meant to prove the body horror of the events that caused their transformation that director Josh Trank wanted with this film since he wanted to emulate David Cronenberg. And it still continues for a while. Meanwhile, Reed decides to use poor CGI to shrink his limbs after hearing through a vent Ben calling for him.

Hold on…so where are all those people looking after him? I mean, we’ve seen with Sue and Johnny that we have people monitoring them in case like with Johnny Storm, his room explodes around him. But nope, no one is looking after Reed so he is able to do this and crawl into a freaking vent before anyone notices he escaped.

Area 57 Guards Are Useless

Reed gets to the vent where Ben Grimm is held and we see what happened to Ben.

Poor Ben Grimm….Again

Seriously, this version of Ben Grimm is The Thing who is completely CGI (with no practical makeup effects) and he also wears no pants.

Poor Thing Doesn’t Even Get A Chant About Putting His Pants Back On.

The alarm sounds for Reed escaping and instead of trying to help Ben escape, Reed decides to keep crawling and only basically tell Ben that he will come back for him eventually.

Ben Even Gets One Of His Arms Free And Reed Still Wont Join With Him To Make A Daring Escape.

Basically, Reed Richards in this film is made to be a shitty friend, but we as the audience are still supposed to sympathize with Reed even when he leaves his best friend high and dry. So Reed escapes.

Then Dr. Storm gets yelled at by the head of the board because Reed escaped and he wants to know where Reed is. Franklin tells him that he doesn’t know and tries to say that Reed is scared like the rest of them. The head says that they don’t know what they are, but that they are powerful, which makes them extremely valuable to the bosses. Franklin threatens that he will not allow these kids to be government assets and the head says that they don’t have a choice if they want to protect them.

So the head of the board talks to Ben and basically says that Reed left him high and dry. He then is able to talk Ben into playing ball and helping the government, which both Sue and Johnny also do.

So yeah, it is now one year later and now the three that Reed left behind are helping the government in their dealings in the world. We also see that they have suits that help them contain these conditions (but not one for Ben so he is still nude). Basically Johnny is able to throw fire and Sue is able to make herself and other things invisible while creating force fields as well to move stuff. Oh and the government wants to go back to Planet Zero so they can make more superhumans with the energy from the planet.

A plane ride with the head of the board is escorted to the base by Johnny Storm, who can fly too. Johnny goes to the base and seems really happy with his use as a government weapon. We also get to see Sue get her balance in the flying force field better.

Okay, I’m going to give this movie so much shit, but one thing I will give this movie props for is Johnny and Sue storm seem more like brothers (despite the different races) than Jessica Alba and Chris Evans ever did (mostly because Jessica Alba isn’t a good actor).

Sue and Johnny get into an argument about their new powers as Johnny is okay with using his powers to help the government while Sue wants to help their father get them back to normal. The head of the board talks to government officials about the three agreeing to help them in return for eventually finding a cure.

Oh, And Hi Chief From Frankenfish (He’s All The Way On The Right)

Franklin and Sue have a conversation about wanting to find Reed since Reed does have the secret to helping create the part of the teleporter to get people back from Planet Zero after they get there, and that will be the only way to get closer to a cure. Sue thinks Reed abandoned them and for some fucking reason, Franklin defends Reed’s actions. Basically Franklin wants his daughter to help him find Reed since he will only listen to Sue.

So they track Reed down to being in parts Panama.

Don’t You Dare, Panama!

We also learn that Reed is getting scrap parts and looking for Ben, who he left high and dry. Sue needs some music so she can find Reed, in an abandoned jungle lab where he is even using his stretching skills to be different people.

Oh God…Bad CGI Transformation

Oh and here is his place.

The government sends in Ben to get Reed back. Reed first beats up some military guys before meeting Ben. Reed tries to be friendly and apologize for leaving Ben a year ago (even saying he will fix this), but Ben is not falling for it and knocks Reed out with a headbutt.


In the plane, Reed still tries to make good with Ben, but Ben is still on bad terms with him. Reed is brought back to Area 57 and he starts to work with Franklin to design the teleporter again in hopes of finding a cure, with persuasion from Sue. So Reed fixes the machine in less than ten minutes because they had almost everything done, but the source code is a little fucked up. Yes, this film didn’t have much time to go back to Planet Zero so they basically hackneyed their way into getting this done quickly. Oh and we needed time for Johnny Storm to say he wants to be an asset to the government again, but this time to his father. Oh and that issue between Johnny Storm and Reed Richards, fixed off screen as they are now hugging.

Now that the teleporter is complete, the government sends some guys to Planet Zero.

Oh and they find Victor.

Victor comes to them and faints. The guys grab Victor and take him back to the real world. They stretcher Victor back to a room. Reed wants to talk to him, but the head of the board says no one talks to him until he does and confines all four to their quarters. Then we get to see that the suit from before has melded to his body and the face.

The head tells Victor that they don’t know how he survived out there, but they are going to help him now as they are working with the government on this project. He also mentions that the place kept him alive and gave him power. When asked what kind of power, he says the type of power that men like the head guy must never possess and then his eyes glow.

Victor then kills everyone in the room with his mind except for the head guy, who he gets to talk down to. So remember earlier when Victor talked about this world maybe not being worth saving? Well, now he is full “Fuck this world, mine is better.” And Victor causes the head guy’s face to cave in on its own.

After that, Victor goes on a rampage that just reminds me of when Tetsuo walked around the halls and killed guards with his mind.

But Not As Bloody (PG-13 After All)

The place goes to a Code Red and the four superhumans are able to get out of their rooms. We see Reed and Ben meet up and Ben wonders if Reed is going to run again. And I don’t know if this was bad acting or bad directing, but it takes Reed a minute before he tells Ben that he isn’t going to run this time. We also see Johnny and Sue meet and wonder where there dad is. So of course, we cut to Victor going to the lab and confronting Dr. Storm.

Franklin tries to convince Victor to calm down, but Victor is adamant about going to his new home (Planet Zero). Victor then says that the earth is dying and Victor kills Dr. Storm in front of Sue and Johnny.

Reed teleports back to his world and the four mourn over the death of Dr. Storm. Victor then decides to use his mind create a black hole to swallow the Earth with the teleporter.

As they see this black hole, the four good guys decide to go in with Johnny using his flame jets, Sue using her powers to create a force field and take Reed and Ben with her.

The four get to Planet Zero and each of them try to take a swipe at Doom who kicks each of their asses.

Johnny Gets Downed By Sand To Cover His Body So He Can’t Fly

Ben Gets Squished By Loads Of Rocks

Sue Gets Sucked By A Tornado And Thrown Down Like Garbage

Reed Gets Green Shit Thrown On Him And It Makes His Arms And Legs Become Lifeless While Elongated.

And Victor says this line.

Victor: There Is No Victor. There Is Only Doom.

And that will be the only time, Victor kind of calls himself Dr. Doom. Yeah, none of the heroes are designated by their hero names. Kind of stupid if you ask me.

But through sheer effort, Reed is able to get out of his restraints through sheer will and is able to knock Victor down (fuck it, he is Doom now). This stops his control over the elements for the others and they are able to break their restraints. Reed then tells the rest that they need to all work together if they are going to beat Doom because while he may be stronger than each of them, he isn’t stronger than them as a unit.

After a short (and I mean short) battle, Victor gets an uppercut from Ben (who yells “It’s Clobberin’ Time”) and is forced into his own machine. Basically, Johnny destroys the supports and Doom gets disintegrated.

Where He Is Dead, I Guess. That’s All You See Of Him.

As the black hole closes, the four heroes escape and head back to Earth.

We Still Have Ten More Minutes Left So The Movie Isn’t Over.

Afterwards, we get the four in a meeting with military brass and the four have an idea.

They want control of a base (located in the crater that this whole thing caused) and they want no interference from the government, and in return, they will try and protect the planet as best as they can. The military doesn’t like the deal, but Johnny tells them to just say yes so they do.

We then cut to their new base.

That Was Quick Work

While on a tour of this new base (where the place is called Central City, but they rename it the Franklin Storm Research Center), the team talks about how they need a name for their team. After a few rejections of bad names, Reed asks Ben what he thinks about all of this and Ben says it is fantastic. That gives Reed his idea for the name.

And With The Title Of The Movie, This Piece Of Garbage Finally Ends.

So the aftermath of all of this. Well, this film was panned upon release (despite the review embargo) and it was a financial box office bomb. While it was able to make its $120 million production budget back thanks to worldwide sales, the film only grossed $56.1 million in North America, making it the lowest grossing Fantastic Four film. Also, while it may have made its production budget back…if you add in marketing and distribution, the film cost $200 million overall and even with a $111.6 million gross internationally, that still makes it $167.8 million, which is way less than what was needed to break even in the end.

Of course, you will also notice the absence of a Stan Lee cameo, but he hasn’t made a cameo in a Fox made Marvel movie since the last Fantastic Four movie (although he will be in the new Deadpool movie and X-Men: Apocalypse). But yeah, that should tell you his thoughts on what the dumbasses on Fox have done to his creations.

The critics as I said, weren’t too kind to it either as it has a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 27 out of 100 from MetaCritic. Even the best reviews of the film only have it as meh. It is nominated for five Razzies with Worst Picture; Worst Director; Worst Screenplay; Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel; and Worst Screen Combo.

There was threat of a sequel before the film’s release with the threat being that they’ll release the film two weeks after Star Wars: Episode 8, but with the film’s poor performance, they decided in November of 2015 to axe that idea altogether now. It’s not clear what Fox will do next with the franchise since they have time before the film rights expire again, but from their record…you can probably expect them to try again with the Fantastic Four when the film rights begin to expire.

Now as for cast and crew, most of the cast had other movies and shit to fall back on. Miles Teller (who played Reed Richards) was also in Insurgent (the sequel to Divergent) in 2015 and that was a hit. Kate Mara (who played Sue Storm) was also in The Martian in 2015 and that film is being nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. Michael B. Jordan (who played Johnny Storm) was also in Creed (a continuation of the Rocky franchise with Jordan being Apollo Creed’s son from another mother) got great freaking reviews and was sadly mostly snubbed by the Oscars (Yeah, #OscarsSoWhite…I know). Toby Keddell (who played Victor Von Doom) is supposed to be in some hit films and for some fucking reason, a remake of Ben Hur. Jamie Bell (who played Ben Grimm) will be voicing Tintin once again in the sequel to The Adventures of Tintin.

The only one who truly got fucked by this all was Josh Trank, the director…who saw his potential go from future Sci-Fi genius to nutcase no one wants to work with. Although to be fair, that is not entirely Fantastic Four’s fault. He was supposed to do a stand-alone Star Wars film like the upcoming Rogue One film, but due to on most counts, bad communication between himself and producers, he was dismissed from the film in less than a year after he was announced to do it. Now he has said he quit the film and after the crap of dealing with Fantastic Four, wanted to do something small scale, but he might not exactly be an easy person to work with.

So time for my thoughts on the film and as you can probably guess, I was not a fan of it. The CGI, pacing, performances, and just overall atmosphere made the movie hard to watch. And for those of you who are defending with darker tone, that would be nice…but this fails to do that properly and you really shouldn’t fuck with an existing product too much. Oh and don’t hire someone who isn’t fan of the source material. I thought we learned that shit years ago with Exorcist II: The Heretic. Almost every character motivation feels way off the mark and you really begin to hate Reed Richards at times (despite him being our main character). I thank god this film bombed and we won’t be seeing anymore from this “darker” Fantastic Four because we already have the unfortunate situation as it is of seeing a “darker attempt” at a character have a sequel that is dreaded by many.

Don’t Even Act Like You Didn’t Know Where I Was Going.

Hollywood, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in most properties, you don’t know better than the fans on what to do with the material. Marvel Studios has shown time and time again that even if it isn’t a great movie, they can make a film with almost all the silly stuff in their universe and make it enjoyable. Especially with movies based on comics, most of the fans are going to know which ones are going to be shit and which ones are going to be good before the movie is even released so you can’t pull that wool over people’s eyes anymore. And Fox, just give Marvel back the Fantastic Four license as you already saw they can make a way better Daredevil than the attempt you made.

Would I consider this the worst film of 2015 if I watched it before the deadline on my list? No as I have seen worse. But this would be on my list as this film is just extremely frustrating to watch and analyze that even when I am not watching the movie, I am remembering stupid things that I would forget while watching.

Well, with all that crap out of the way...what do we have, NegaSeth?

Well, we have a tie so I get to relax until April when I reveal my special surprise for you.

So what will be the next induction in?

Why the hell would I care? Okay...since you need something to do. I'll just throw these in the Randomizer and you do whatever.

Lazy bastard...alright, I'll just throw it in and see what is next.

*runs the machine and music plays*

Do my ears deceive me? No, they are not. It is time for some kaiju fun as the next induction will definitely be.


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