Monster Crap Inductee: Village Of The Giants (1965)

Monster Crap Induction: Village Of The Giants

When You Were Too Cheap To Go To The Village Of The Damned

1965

Folks, I’m disappointed in you. There were several Bert I. Gordon films that were either extremely fun or extremely painful, yet you all chose the most mediocre of the choices in Village Of The Giants. I think even NegaSeth would be disappointed in your choice. But alas, you voted for it so let’s get into it.

In 1950s to 1960s, there was a type of film that was coming out about babes in bikinis being the main selling point along with them being attracted to the “hot guys” and plenty of singing bands that sound all the same in crooning. This of course is because porn wasn’t widely available due to dumb ass obscenity laws that was out to get rid of the “smut” and sadly states like Oklahoma might want to edge towards those days again (thanks, MAGA pricks). Anyway, with those stupid laws, this was seen as the only way for horny teens to get their fix of attractive women in less clothing (sometimes even with monsters).

We Dealt With This Genre With Horror At Party Beach And The Horrors Of Spider Island

In 1965, Bert I. Gordon (a director of movies with giant monsters) wanted to try his hand at this genre, but without the beach and with giant people in it. It was also part of a 3 year, 12 picture deal Gordon had with Embassy Pictures. 

Now as for the cast, Gordon decided to get kids of famous people and have a star name who was so desperate they would take a film like this. That latter would come with our main star Tommy Kirk. You see Tommy Kirk did two no-nos in the 1950s that lost him his cushy job as a teen star with Disney (he was the kid that ultimately had to shoot and kill Old Yeller in the end). The first of which got him immediately not getting his contract renewed as he was caught having sex with 15 year old boy when he was 21 by the 15 year old’s mom who went and told Disney about it (the gay stuff was what Disney had problems with….not the statutory rape). The other was getting arrested for suspicion of having weed (he did have a vial of barbiturates, but they were prescribed by his doctor) and he was replaced in films after that. So he needed to take a low budget film and thus he became the lead in Village Of The Giants.

The former of choices for Bert I. Gordon in getting kids of famous people was because he knew the parents and get the trust to able to cast the kids. He would get Beau Bridges (son of Lloyd Bridges), Ron Howard (son of Rance Howard), Tisha Sterling (daughter of Robert Sterling and Ann Southern), Toni Basil (daughter of Louis Basil), and Tim Rooney (son of Mickey Rooney). He also was able to get Rance Howard a small role, which Rance accepted to personally keep an eye on his kid. Ron Howard was already a big coup to get as he was already 5 years into a successful run as Opie Taylor in The Andy Griffith Show.

You May Remember The Famous Opening And That’s Ron Howard As The Kid With The Fishing Rod

For Beau Bridges, he was also at the time serving at the U.S. Coast Guard Reserves, which probably meant he spent some time in Key West and I am sort of jealous.

Until Ron Desantis And His Bullshit Politics Are Gone, I’m Not Going Back

They also got another child star who was in the middle of a show in Johnny Crawford, who was Mark McCain, the son of Luke McCain (played by Chuck Connors) in The Rifleman.

I Don’t Know How Bert I. Gordon Was Able To Get Him As He Wasn’t The Child Of A Famous Actor Nor Was He Desperate Enough To Need A Role Since He Was Still On The Rifleman At The Time. Just Luck, I Guess.

And there are some Monster Crap alums. Tommy Kirk was credited as a passenger in Attack Of The 60 Foot Centerfolds.

Robert Random was Mr. Jack Parker in Timewalker aka Being From Another Planet

Mike Clifford wasn’t in much stuff since he was mostly trying to be a singer (with minor success), he was in Grizzly.

He Didn’t Sing In That Film Though, But He Sure Will Sing In This Film

And yes, I’ve inducted a film that was directed by Ron Howard himself.

Yeah, I Still Don’t Like This Film

And Rance Howard Of Course Was In That Film As Well

But with that out of the way, let’s get to the movie itself.

We begin with opening credits and the eventual giants dancing with visuals changing color tones.

It May Be Blue Here, But The Opening Credits Was Also Red And Yellow.

We then go to a car crash as the delinquent teens Fred, Pete, Rick, Harry, Merrie, Elsie, Georgette, and Jean get out of a car that I don’t think could fit them all in it.

Yes, We Are Meant To Believe That 8 Assholes All Fit Into That Small Ass Car.

Can’t Even Make The Clown Car Excuse

Anyway, they decide to dance out of this car while drinking beer despite it being rainy and muddy as further proof that Woodstock stupidity isn’t just an isolated incident. Fred then tells the rest that he remembers meeting a girl in the nearby town named Nancy so they should continue the party in that town. Then we go to one of the houses in that small town of Hainesville (the said nearby town) where we see Nancy making out with a guy named Mike.

And they are being watched by the dog named Wolf.

Hey….It’s The Original Benji.

Yep….that is Higgins, the dog actor who played Benji in the first Benji film and only the first Benji film since he was retired that same year as a dog actor. Unfortunately for them, there love making gets interrupted by Nancy’s younger brother, who is only called in this film “Genius”.

Hey Guys….I Got Some Smoking Liquid I Made In My Lab

Genius is not happy that the concoction he made didn’t blow up which….that’s a weird way to react when something doesn’t blow up. Nancy tells her little brother to scram which he does so they can go back to kissing with lines like these.

Mike: Oh…you’re good for me, Nancy, you know that? You’re very, very good for me.

Nancy: I never knew you liked good girls.

Mike: I don’t. They talk too much.

Nancy: So?

Mike: So, stop talking so much.

That’s conservative America for you. And yes, these good guys are supposed to be the conservatives who while they like fun, they are not insane about it like those damn liberal delinquent kids. Suddenly, there is a loud explosion noise so they go to check on it and it is of course, Genius who made a big boom in his lab.

And Thankfully He Wore Glasses As Some Red Stuff Got On His Face

Genius says he is fine and then asks why he shouldn’t be alright (yes, it’s that type of idiot dialogue). He put an electric change on the concoction and that is what caused the explosion and it becomes pink goo.

A cat sneaks in and starts eating some pink goo while the others are talking.

And That Is Orangey The Cat, Who Was A Cat In Such Films As Breakfast At Tiffany’s, Gigot, The Matchmaker, The Comedy Of Terrors, The Incredible Shrinking Man, And Rhubarb.

It Was Also The Cat In Darby O’Gill And The Little People

Mike tells the cat to beat it and as he is putting the goo elsewhere, Genius yells that he almost stepped in his Burglar Alarm Trap.

I’m Mentioning This Now Because You Know It Will Come Into Play Later

He says he has never tried it and it only works in theory. They then see that the cat has gotten big.

That’s A Big Puddy Cat

Wolf the dog tries barking at it and chasing and while the cat is big, it doesn’t really know that so it runs away and the dog continues chasing it. Mike immediately realizes that the pink goo is what made the cat big and thinks that with this pink goo, they can make a million bucks in selling this off. They feed some to a pair of ducks and they grow gigantic.

Yep…..Giant Ducks. Wonder Why We Haven’t Made A Horror Comedy About That.

Mike then says that they can use this with livestock and help feed the hungry with more food.

Noble Cause, But You Know That Beef Is Going To Be Charged Exorbitantly Because Of Greedy Rich Assholes

Mike says that Genius needs to make more of this goo, which he goes to do. But as the kids go inside, they accidentally leave a piece of the goo out and the dog eats it. Mike and Nancy think about how rich they will be, but they have to keep it a secret. But that will be hard to do with the giant cat, giant ducks, and…

The Giant Freaking Dog

And speaking of the giant ducks, they left because these dumbasses forgot to keep an eye on them. We go to the delinquent teens and find out that they have decided to shack up at the closed down theater (for the season). Some of them are also playing with props and one of them is upset as she wants to go dancing and they are goofing off.

Even As A Youngster, Beau Bridges Already Had Disappointed Dad Face Down

They then go over to the “go-go” (a music venue) and playing there is a band called the Beau Brummels.

Now to be fair, they kind of were a hit act as they had hit songs and by the time this movie came out, they had a hit song called “Just A Little”, but they were a group that faded fast so there is a reason most people have never heard of them. We meet some of the other “normie teens” at this club like Horsey.

That’s Seriously What He Is Credited As

And Red.

Toni Basel, Decades Before She Had Her One Hit, Was Not Bad Looking

And of course like the dancing in the mud scene earlier, this is more for the horny male audience with close up shots of women’s legs and tummies. The delinquent teens show up and they dance as well. Then the giant ducks show up to dance.

And instead of being filled with terror like most people probably would, they think the giant ducks are groovy. And so does the camera as well as well as it compares a woman’s ass and feet to the duck’s.

Oh You Think I’m Kidding????

Mike and Nancy arrive and announces straight up that those are his ducks. He says it is a secret about how they got so big, but after some conjoling…he says he is in possession of a formula that will make himself and his friends rich. Frank and Rick tell one of the girlfriends that she should try to seduce Mike and get the secret out of him that way. Mike gets the ducks to leave and we then go to Genius trying to replicate the formula with no success.

At the club, a record is played and this is time for some slow dancing for most people. One of the girlfriends (I don’t know which one….this movie isn’t great with names (I had to IMDB and Wikipedia to find out the names of the teens)) tries to hit on Mike and get the formula out of him, but it ultimately doesn’t work. Frank tries the same thing with Nancy and that also doesn’t work, although he is able to dance with her. Mike then goes over to Frank and tells him to beat it so he can dance with Nancy.

The next day, we find out that those ducks got killed and they are now being cooked.

Not The Ducks!!!!

We then get more music, but this time by Freddy Cannon.

He Also Had Some Hits Like Tallahassee Lassie, Way Down Yonder In New Orleans, And Palisades Park.

Genius comes by and he isn’t really able to keep a secret that well as one of the delinquent girlfriends is able to get out of him that he made the stuff and it is at his house. She goes and tells the rest of the group. We see Mike hide the goo in a drawer and he and Nancy have to deal with a giant spider.

Mike gets a water pipe loose to get the floor wet and throws a light bult at it so the spider gets electrocuted to death.

Mike almost falls into the wet floor as well, but there is conveniently placed switch for the electricity near Nancy on the stairs and she flips it so he doesn’t get killed. That night, Mike and Nancy go back to the outdoor party, but unbeknownst to them, the delinquent teenagers are planning to break into the basement to steal the goo. At the party, we now get a song by Mike Clifford.

Pete is the one that goes in and after a minute, he is able to break into the drawer and get the goo. But he also trips the Burglar Alarm Genius had set up which has a small bear trap, makes a loud noise, and shoots fireworks.

This alerts the others once Genius reveals that is his burglar alarm. Pete is able to get out of the small bear trap thanks to Fred, but that gives Mike and the group enough time to confront them. A small scuffle ensues, but the delinquents are able to get away with the stuff. Genius isn’t too bothered by it because as soon as he finds the right formula, he will make some more. Back at the abandoned theater, our rogue teenagers decide that they should all eat the stuff to grow big. Fred has to be convinced into it, but he is and they all do so.

Don’t Worry….It’s Just Angel Cake Mix With Pink Dye

And as they grow big, they lose all their clothes because clothes don’t grow big.

They use curtains and fabric to make themselves new clothes for their new sizes. Then they decide to use their new powers for their own personal gain and the first thing they will do is go to the outdoor party and dance in their new sizes, despite everyone else’s chagrin.

You Might Notice The Brunette Georgette Is Not With Them For A Lot Of This Film As A Giant Version And That Is She Wasn’t Available.

And Horsey gets the ride of his life.

I Don’t Know Many Horny Men These Days Who Would Not Be Enjoying This Ride On A Giant Woman’s Boobs

I’m Sure These Two Would Be Enjoying This

Mike is mad and breaks a chair over Fred’s leg, which does not make him happy. Fred’s response is to smack him into some bushes.

You Kind Of Had That One Coming, Mike

The giants then say they are now in control and try to convince the normal sized teens to join them, but they don’t want to since they are nice conservative kids who respect adults and some nonsense. The cops show up and try to break up this gathering, but the deputy notices the giants before the sheriff does.

That Deputy Is Rance Howard (Who Is Basically Here To Watch Out For His Son Ron). And The Sheriff Is Pretty Known To, But I’ll Get To That In The Aftermath

He tells the giants to go back to the theater they broke into and wait for him there, but they threaten him and one of them wants to step on him, which was actually an idea in the original script for this film, but it was cut out. Back at the theater the next day, the giants are just goofing off until the sheriff and Mike arrive.

The sheriff wants them out of town in one hour and the giants refuse that offer. They then reveal that they have a hostage in the sheriff’s daughter.

The sheriff will agree to any demands and those demands are the teenagers are now in charge and all telephones will be taken out so they can’t call for help. The adults have a curfew now instead of the teens, all guns must be forfeited, and they better start feeding the giants who have a giant appetite to go with their new size. Meanwhile, Genius is still trying to find the formula and hasn’t been successful yet.

We then see the guns being forfeited and the food delivered.

Fred jokes about making Mike in charge of the adults under their supervision and the group tells them to leave. Mike then goes back to the house he and Nancy are in where Nancy’s parents still aren’t home and he says that the group needs to stop the giants. Red tries to say there is nothing they can do while the giants have a hostage so Mike decides they need to get a hostage of their own. So somehow they lure out Fred and they decide to try to lasso his legs so he falls and tie him up like in Gulliver’s Travels.

Fred Has Some Very Hairy Legs

With cars, motorcycles, and lots of rope, they get Fred down.

It’s sort of working to get him nailed down, but Pete has grabbed Nancy and put Nancy high on a building.

He says they need to let Fred go, which they do. Fred then says that their actions just gave the giants another hostage in Nancy who they are keeping. We then go to everyone in the basement of the house and they decide that they need the guns. They also need to take down the guard (whoever that may be) long enough to get the hostages and the guns so they can maybe chase out these delinquent giants. Mike then says that they need a lot of ether to take out the one guard. So they have Genius make them some ether and yeah, they have to give him alcohol to do so since it is kind of an ingredient to any anesthetic ether. Red has an idea of how to keep most of the boys occupied and Mike is going to try a good ole David and Goliath slingshot way to take care of Fred. So Red starts dancing in her clothes….

Oh Did You Really Think Toni Basel Was Going Nude In Any Way??? Of Course Not!!!! This Is The Mid-60s And We Have Rules Against That Shit….Although They Could Have Her Show Some Skin Because Just A Woman Dancing Is Not Going To Keep A Guy Occupied For Too Long.

Fred tries to hit on Nancy and she seems to not be interested. Mike throws a rock into the window and delinquent giants investigate. Mike then starts throwing rocks at them (always missing them) so Fred shows up and he is given a steel rod and he tries to throw it at Mike.

Mike vs. Fred: The Battle Of Who Can Miss More With Their Chosen Weapon

One of the girls (I only know it’s Merrie since they say her name because in this film, all the women have the same personality and several of them the same look that they really are hard to remember who is who) is sent back to watch the hostages as the rest watch this stupid fight. As this fight happens, Horsey and his friends climb to the roof and sneak into the theater via the catwalks. They are then above Merrie and we get this image.

Because Of Course We Did.

Then Horsey repels down and gives Merrie the old ether gag.

With Merrie knocked out, they save Nancy and the sheriff’s daughter. We then go back to Genius who has still not found the formula for the goo, but he has found a concoction that has smoke which will shrink the giants things back to their normal size.

As Shown By Wolf The Dog Returning To Normal Size.

After everyone is gone from the theater, Merrie wakes up and goes to warn Fred that this was all a diversion. Outside, Mike lost his slingshot and Fred lost his spear so Fred grabs a light pole and goes to batter Mike with it. All seems lost when Genius comes riding on his bike with the formula creating smoke and parks it right in front of all the giants, including Marie (who has arrived). They get a whiff of the stuff and they return back to normal.

Although This Time, Their Clothes Shrink With Them???? How Does That Work???

Mike then proceeds to punch Fred right in the face.

The delinquent teens then realize they are definitely outmatched so they do the only sensible thing.

So they go back and now that they are sober, they realize the car is crashed and they have to walk back to another further town to get their car towed and repaired. They then get asked about the town Haynesville and the teens show the voice and his friends the direction to the town. And somehow despite all communications being cut off, this voice and friends know about the goo that makes you bigger. And who is this voice and his friends???

Little People.

Yep, a sequel is teased with little people wanting to be big, but it’s been 60 years and that film is not happening. And that is the end of the movie where we go back to the delinquent teens dancing with different color tints with end credits.

Oh And We Also Get This “The End” Before The End Credits

While the actual box office was not known, it was pretty known that this movie was not a commercial success in any way and it was distributed mostly as double features with other movies in drive-ins. And as far as that 17 film deal with Embassy Pictures, Bert I. Gordon didn’t even get a second film in this deal let alone 16 more films (don’t ask me what happened as all I know is no second film was made under this deal and there were two more planned films). This was also featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and that is how most of you know of this film’s existence.

As far as acting goes. Beau Bridges (who played Fred) had more successful films like The Fabulous Baker Boys (where he starred with his younger, more successful brother Jeff) and would get plenty of awards like 3 Emmys, 2 Golden Globes, and heck, even a Grammy Award. Ron Howard (who played Genius) would get more TV success as the star of Happy Days and eventually would become a great director with an Academy Award for A Beautiful Mind, as well as many great films like Splash, Apollo 13, Cocoon, Willow, Backdraft, Ransom, Cinderella Man, The Da Vinci Code, and Frost/Nixon. Toni Basel (who played Red) would become a one hit wonder music wise with a certain song you may have heard of.

Yes,,,,,She Sung “Hey Mickey”

And I mentioned Joe Turkel (who played the sheriff) would be more known decades later in his older age and most of you would know him for two roles.

Tyrell Of The Tyrell Corporation In Blade Runner

And Lloyd The Bartender In Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining

And in more sad news (but not a death) Mary Statler (who was uncredited as Girl on Motorcycle) was a stuntperson and 4 years after this film, would break her back and have to retire from stunt work.

But as you can imagine from a film that is now 60 years old, a bunch of people and animals in this film are sadly no longer with us. Orangey (who played the cat that got big due to the goo) left this mortal coil in 1967. Higgins (who played Wolf the Dog) left this mortal coil in 1975 at the age of 17. Jonathan Franklin (who played an uncredited role as Man Dancing In Brown Sweater) passed away in 1976 at the age of 30. Charla Doherty (who played Nancy) had personal demons with alcohol and died in 1988 at the age of 41 from pancreatitis due to it. Tim Rooney (who played Pete) passed away in 2006 at the age of 59 from pneumonia, a complication from his dermatomyositis. John Peterson of the Beau Brummels died in 2007 at the age of 65 after suffering a heart attack. Jim Begg (who played Fatso) passed away in 2008 at the age of 69. Gail Gilmore (who played Elsa) died in 2014 at the age of 76 from lung cancer. Rance Howard (who played the deputy) passed away at the age of in 2017 at the age of 89. Tommy Kirk (who played Mike) passed away in 2021 at the age of 79. Johnny Crawford (who played Horsey) left this mortal coil in 2021 at the age of 75 from Alzheimer’s Disease. Declan Mulligan of the Beau Brummels passed away in 2021 at the age of 83. June Kenney (who played an uncredited role as Basement Girl) died in 2021 at the age of 87. Joe Turkel (who played the sheriff) left this mortal coil in 2022 at the age of 94 from liver failure. Bert I. Gordon (the director) died in 2023 at the age of 100. Kevin O’Neil (who played Harry) left this mortal coil in 2023 at the age of 77.

So my thoughts are as I said in the beginning, this film is very mediocre and the behind the scenes research for this film I had to do was more interesting than the actual film. This film is a relic of its time of needing to watch scantily clad women and attractive guys in an era where actual porn was basically against the law. The terrible dialogue that is in all Bert I. Gordon films is here, which includes in this case the hipster lingo and rather boring insults. The effects are what you would expect from a Bert I. Gordon film and the only thing that wouldn’t make this extremely painful is acting by people who are definitely much better than the material they are given. Even from Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans, this film didn’t even crack the top 100 of best episodes, I guess you can do much worse with films like Tormented and King Dinosaur, but you can definitely do better with Food Of The Gods and Earth vs. The Spider.

So it’s time for the winner of the March Madness pool to get their induction and sadly I never was able to find the winner named UNC45 so like the summer inductions this year, I had to get the second place person named Groose to give me an induction. Boy, did he pick a curious one in a film that I have never heard of and never watched so it is a complete mystery as to how I will feel after doing this induction. Will it be an unknown gem or will it be something I will never want to see again? Probably somewhere in the middle, but that will be determined in November.