Saturday, August 31, 2024

Monster Crap Inductee: Birdemic 2: Resurrection (2013)

Monster Crap Inductee: Birdemic 2: Resurrection
Should Have Stayed In The Tar Pits

2013

The Summer Of Bob Part 2 continues and you know it was coming as I knew it was coming because once again, we have to go back to the world of terrible director James Nguyen and his world of exploding birds wanting to attack random people. You may remember that ten years ago, I had to induct the first Birdemic film because you all wanted me to induct that film, which I am more than happy to do. But let’s talk about that how this film was made.

You may have heard of the first Birdemic film because many people have reviewed it as it is a really awesomely bad film that so many people can just laugh at and even Rifftrax has done a riff on it. Well, for so many bad films, this type of press is good for people like myself who want to see this film themselves. And because the film was made obviously so cheap, this movie made its money back so for a director like James Nguyen, a sequel would be made. And because it wasn’t that hard to make the first one, it was made in three years after the first one.

Now you may ask who is in this film and of course, it is mostly no one famous in it and as far as Monster Crap alums in it, it is almost all actors from the first film who survived the attack that are back like Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore, Colton Osborne, Rick Camp, Patty Van Ettinger, Stephen Gustavson, Eric Swartz, Steve McMoy, and Damien Carter (who also gives us a new song for this film). The reason this took a 3 year window is because for some reason, Nguyen wanted to shoot this film in 3D and that 3D version does not exist so it was a wasted effort that only took longer to make the movie. Also Global Warming also returns and with that out of the way, let’s get to the induction.

We begin this film in Hollywood and if you remember the long ass driving scene to open up our first film so the credits could all appear, this film have something better for you because instead of pointless driving, we have our main character Bill just walking aimlessly through Los Angeles as the credits appear.


And this guy walking around town goes on for basically 5 minutes until he arrives to his destination.

Sir, You Will Not Be Getting That Kind Of Happy Ending.

Inside he meets a waitress/hostess named Gloria who takes him to his table.


He thinks he knows her and reveals that she is an aspiring actress. It just so happens that Bill is a filmmaker hoping to eventually make his next film Sunset Dreams a huge hit after this last film In The Sand flopped because producers changed the film too much. He says that with looks like what hers, he is sure Gloria will make it big one day. He wants Gloria to audition for the lead role in his film and she says he will consider it. But Bill is not only here to hang around, he is here to meet a friend of his and his girlfriend. Those people of course are now successful Silicon Valley businessman Rod and Nathalie, who you might remember as our leads from the first film.


Anyway, they talk about the whole Hollywood system and how because producers meddle in bigger films way too much and directors don’t get final cut, films get ruined and he is now considered a non-viable director by Hollywood. Bill talks about how some of Hollywood’s greatest films were produced independently and Vertigo, Citizen Kane, and Psycho (two of which were done by Hitchcock). He’s wants final cut on his new film Sunset Dreams and thinks it will be great as it is like Sunset Boulevard and A Star Is Born, except his film will be made from the indie perspective and not the Hollywood perspective. When asked how much money Bill will need, he says a million dollars, which is a lot according to Rod. However, Bill says it is actually a low budget according to Hollywood standards.

Rod then reveals that he will finance Sunset Dreams, but with one condition: that Nathalie (she is looking to be more of an actress than a model) and his adopted son Tony in the film. Bill is absolutely alright with this idea and even thinks Nathalie should audition for the lead (the same thing he said to Gloria earlier), which she accepts. Rod then writes Bill a check for $100,000 dollars to set him up for the script and he will get the remaining $900,000 with other investors that he will get him a meeting with.


I should add that this movie made Bill even more wooden than Rod was.

Yeah, He Was Like This For Longer Than Was Needed

We see on TV a news report that it is apparently raining, but a bunch of birds were found dead in Arkansas and Kentucky. And also their was red rain in Half Moon Bay, California (which was the first film except so complete inconsistencies abound here).

Yeah, Reporters Normally Sit Behind Their Desks If They Have One Which This Green Screen Says This It Has.

Bill goes for another walk and runs into Gloria again who failed another audition and is considering going home. Bill thinks this is a mistake and tells her to stay until she auditions for his film and if she doesn’t get the part there, he will give her $1,000 to help her go home. She accepts this deal.

Bill Has The Face That Says He Would Be A Harvey Weinstein Type In Real Life

We then see Bill and Rod with investors making the pitch for the movie, which you may remember as two business men from the first film.

They Were Rod’s Former Boss And The Guy Rod Was Able To Get Some Green Energy Investment With

One of the investors wants topless chicks and sex scenes in the film and Bill says it will not be that type of film. The other investor wants fight scenes as well as blood and guts and Bill says that will not work either. After a few more moments of negotiations, the two investors say that Sunset Dreams is a good story, but it is a risky investment. However, the investors believe Bill has paid his dues so they will give him $1 million, which with Rod’s check is over what he would need for the movie so the film is getting made so everyone is happy.

I Swear Thomas Favalaro (The Actor Playing Bill) Might Have A Good Shot At Playing A Psychopath Here

It is time for the auditions and the lead comes down to Nathalie and Gloria, with Gloria ultimately getting the part which is great for her so she doesn’t have to go home and great for Bill as he doesn’t have to pony up $1,000. He tells Gloria the good news over the phone.


So they meet up for lunch at Pho Citi. Bill talks about his first film being a film called Replica and he found a perfect actress for it, but for budget reasons, it was released. The reason I bring this up is 4 years after this film was released…

James Nguyen Would Release A Movie He Shot In 2005 Called Replica.

She asks him what she could ever do to help her out with her movie career and he says a lot, and the first thing they do is have travel to the beach boardwalk.

Oh And Plenty Of People’s Heads Were Blurred Out As This Was Guerilla Filmmaking And These People Were Definitely Not Paid As Extras.

While hanging on the beach, they run into Rod and Nathalie. Nathalie said she and Rod are going to the La Brea Tar Pits and invite Bill and Gloria to come, which they accept. Meanwhile, a lady is in the water as obvious by her legs and she gets attacked by a jellyfish.

There Is That Terrible CGI We Know From James Nguyen

They try to make it like a Jaws attack, but it looks bad. Anyway, the woman comes out of the water needing help for her jellyfish stings.

Thankfully, Rod, Bill, And Gloria Are In The Area As Nathalie Went Off To Do Something Else.

The woman says it was a Giant Jumbo Jellyfish (which is not a real Jellyfish and the only Jellyfish that could be slightly associated with that name is way bigger than what we saw on scene).

Yeah, That Is Not Even Close To The Jellyfish That Stung Her

They call an ambulance for the woman and you can somehow hear the 911 operator even though the phone isn’t on speaker (as if the woman playing the operator was just off camera and that phone wasn’t even on). Nathalie comes back after all of this and wonders what is going on, which they explain immediately what happened.

CGI Ambulance Because Nguyen Couldn’t Get A Real One (Even One That Was Just Decommissioned And On Auction)

We then go to the La Brea Tarpits as our four characters look around. Oh and they are joined by Rod’s adopted son Tony.


While looking at the ancient birds section, Tony reveals that he wishes Susan (Tony’s sister from the first movie) could be here, but she got sick and died from that fish that Rod cooked.

Yep…They Killed Her Off In An Old Anime Trope With Rod’s Terrible Cooking AKA She Refused To Return For The Sequel

While also walking around the museum area, they also meet Dr. Jones from the first film.


He reveals that he is here because he will be speaking at a conference about prehistoric birds. He speaks some known facts like most dinosaurs have more in common with birds and that the birds of prehistoric time are a lot bigger than the birds that exist today. He also mentioned that these birds attacked cavemen back in the day, which gives us a cut of birds killing a couple while they were trying to have sex while clothed.


Dr. Jones also says that plenty of eagles and vultures fell into the tar pit and died. He also mentions that La Brea means “the tar”, which is actually correct. Dr. Jones then leaves and we will never see him again in this movie and we also never see Tony after this. Rod, Bill, Nathalie, and Gloria then go to the Santa Catalina Island and hang out there. Bill then adds some new facts that this is where Norma Jean lived with her Navy husband before she became Marilyn Monroe. Gloria then mentions that Natalie Wood also died here in some terrible accident.

Well, She Died In The Ocean Near Catalina Island, But That Is A Minor Thing As It Is Kind Of More Important That While The Cause Of Death In Official History Is Death, There Is Plenty Of Conspiracy Theorists Who Believe She Was Killed.

Bill then says that plenty of the cast of Rebel Without A Cause died young (only the 3 main actors and one very supporting character died young as the rest lived long lives) and that for some actors, dying young is the price you pay for stardom  The two women hope they don’t die young if they become famous and Nathalie says that she is happy Gloria got the lead in Sunset Dreams. After that beach scene, it is finally time for them to go to a environmentally friendly bar and restaurant where they meet Nathalie’s mother.


Nathalie reveals that she is in Sunset Dreams, which her mom is very happy about. The mom also wants a role in the movie, which Bill is more than happy to give. The mom wants to know when her daughter and Rod are going to be married as they have been together for “a long time”. Nathalie says she should ask Rod that question and Rod nervously says when the right time comes.

Then the dance number comes in and it is our old pal Damian Carter from the first film singing his newer song “Star Bright”

Which Is Not As Good As “Just Hanging Out”, But Not Much Songs Are That Memorable For A Terrible Movie

Then we go to Bill and Gloria having about to have sex which is a bit better than love making scene than Rod and Nathalie from the first film.

You Might Be Shocked To Learn That This Film Was Released Before All The Harvey Weinstein Stuff Made This Shit Super Creepy…..And Yet You Would Still Find Bill A Creepy Guy

In fact, I am writing the line for line scene of what they say before they make love.

Gloria: Bill, do you like what you see?
Bill: I sure do.
Gloria: Do you want to see more?
Bill: Sure.

Also, I think Bill may be from Louisiana or French Canada and you might ask how I know that? Well, I don’t but I have a strong hunch.


By the way, no nudity here so sorry Beavis and Butthead.

Don’t Worry, You Two. There Will Be Something For You Later.

After that love making scene, we suddenly get CGI red rain.

Rain So CGIed That No One In The Background Seems To Care That It Is Red Rain

Also the museum exhibits start making noise. Then a caveman and woman come out of the tar pits.

Yep….The Same Ones From Earlier So Not Only Did Those Birds Kill Them, Those Feathered Assholes Then Dragged Their Bodies Into The Tar Pits To Cover Up Their Crime.

Probably One Of Steelbeak’s Ancestors

And after the bodies of the cavepeople show up, the birds rise from the tar pits and fly.

FREEDOM!!!!!!

And how do most people think about this crazy development.

They Don’t Think Much Of It

Meanwhile on the set of Sunset Dreams, Gloria and Nathalie are doing a scene together while being filmed when suddenly the birds start attacking.

WHO LET THE BIRDS IN!!!!! SQUAWK…SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK!!!!

Nathalie’s first words are for people to get a hanger although other people have other props to hold the birds off. Everyone except Bill, Rod, Gloria, and Nathalie die.

And These Other Two Randos (The Asian Guy Is Named Will and The White Guy Is Named Dustin)

The birds then attack a slasher movie set where we get our boobs so Beavis and Butthead can shut up.

Can’t Believe I Have To Use The Blackboxes For Birdemic 2

By the way, almost all of them die via the birds and the last one dies because Rod is a terrible shot and killed her along with the last bird.

Dammit Rod…

Oh and if you think these birds won’t explode, you don’t know what movie you are in because these birds can explode as well.


Oh and they try to pretend this is the set of Jaws with Jaws props that were somewhere.

Like This One

And some of them think kicking and punching the birds may work.


And this time, if the birds bleed on you, you might die like this lady did.


The birds then stop attacking and again, everyone but the main characters and two other guys are dead. They find more dead bodies…

Even If You Can Tell Some Of Them Are Still Breathing

Bill says he saw on the news that birds were falling out of the sky in Arkansas and said something similar happened in Half Moon Bay, which is news to Rod and Nathalie because that is not what happened. He also says the rain in Half Moon Bay turned red as well…..which never happened. Will then wants to change the subject and just says Jaws is one of his favorite movies. When the others ask why this matters right now, Will says this feels like a movie and after this is all over, he will make a movie like Jaws that will be about birds attacking. Gloria thinks it is a great idea and both she and Nathalie want to be in this movie. They then basically talk about how great of an idea this is and I won’t say anymore because this really feels like a verbal BJ to the director James Nguyen for this film.

They find another survivor on the Western Set that is called Western Set.

A Terribly CGIed Sign

On this set, they actually find a female survivor named Jessica who was holing up inside an old cabin.


She wonders why the birds are attacking and Nathalie thinks it is global warming. She also explains that they were attacked a few years ago in a town called Half Moon Bay and surprisingly no one puts two and two together than they were witnesses to the bird incident there. Will asks her to join them and Jessica agrees. While walking in the woods, they find the tree hugger that Rod and Nathalie met in the first film, and he now has a wife.


The tree hugger explains how he and his wife met while escaping the forest fire, that they have a reality TV show called the “No-Emitting Family”, and then explains that the killer birds don’t bother them because they aren’t a threat to the environment. Yep….apparently these birds will only kill people who they view as not environmentally friendly and somehow they can tell the difference.

Yeah, That Makes No Sense

Our survivors then find an RV that may be very useful in a time like this.

RVs: The Vehicle For The Apocalypse

They see people who are dead in a car and take their guns since they won’t be needing them.

Robbing From Dead People: A Survival Tool During The Apocalypse

They then go to a movie theater and see if they can save any people.

They Decide Not To Save Them And Leave. Our Heroes????

Bill says he knows a shortcut through a cemetery and while normally that would be a good idea, this is a horror movie so the red rain just so happens to show up and resurrect dead people.


Our survivors think the zombies are regular people until they get closer to them and have to fight them off.

Very Fine People On Both Sides

Unfortunately, Jessica ends up getting killed by one of the zombies.


They get back on the RV and Rod makes it a point to say “no more shortcuts”…..and we’ll never see the zombies again so they were completely pointless. Our dumbasses decide to go into a zoo where they meet the zookeeper, who tells him the birds don’t attack him because he takes care of the animals while also talking about the terrors of global warming.

Basically, This Guy Is Saying “Live A Greener Lifestyle Or The Birds Will Attack”.

And our idiots leave, the birds decide to attack. It is at this time that Dustin is killed.


As the RV leaves, you notice that the camera shooting this scene is in a car with a spare tire attached to the back.

Freaking Amateur Hour

Rod yells at Bill that he is doing the driving and Bill’s response is that it wasn’t the animals that killed Dustin, it was those birds (last I checked, birds were animals). Anyway, they stop again because they see the caveman and cavewoman and try to help them.


This is of course a bad idea as the cavepeople decide that our morons are bad and attack.


Gloria and Nathalie come and save the day and help them escape. Our dummies, after getting away from the cavepeople, zombies, and birds, then just so happen to run out of gas so they are going to have to walk on foot to a hotel in hopes that the freaking hotel has some gas. Of course that doesn’t work so they go to a Pepsi machine to get some soda and this movie is so stupid that out of this Pepsi Machine, comes Coca-Cola.

You Really Have To Try To Be This Inept

The birds then attack.

Eagle: These Assholes Are Drinking Coke Near A Pepsi Machine.
Vulture: KILL THEM!!!!!

Will is ultimately the one who dies in this battle, leaving us once again with Bill, Rod, Gloria, and Nathalie and in his last movements, he falls into the pool


The imbeciles mourn his death as the birds leave.

And That Is How This Movie Ends.

So there really isn’t much aftermath other than this didn’t stop James Nguyen again from making awful movies as he would continue with Replica and two years ago, would release Birdemic 3: Sea Eagles and as of this writing is planning Birdemic 4: Garden Of Paradise. Alan Bagh (who played Rod) was cast as “Nutcracker Biker” in three episodes of The Book Of Boba Fett and is the only returning guy out of the four in Birdemic 3. Whitney Moore (who played Nathalie) would be in three episodes of Young Justice as the voice of Courtney Whitmore aka Stargirl. Also, nobody has died since this movie has come out.

My thoughts on this movie is it is about the same quality as the first Birdemic movie and sadly for it, the “so bad it is good” surprise of the first one is gone here. The effects have not gotten better (although they actually have some practical effects here). This supposed love story between Bill and Gloria definitely feels like it would be different if the #MeToo Movement had happened earlier, which makes it really creepy when watching Bill acting a bit too odd. And just like the first movie, the birds just leave for no reason and the movie again feels anticlimactic. I mean it took me 10 years to do Birdemic 2 after doing the first one so I guess it will take 10 years to do Birdemic 3 and by that time, who knows how many Birdemic films we will have.

Anyway, we are almost done with the Summer Of Bob Part 2 and we have one last movie to do. In this last movie, we will return to the world of Freddy Krueger and I will be breaking a rule as I will be skipping the next terrible entry in Part 5 because we are doing….