2023 for me was a terrible year. In July, both my grandmothers from both sides of my family died. All of my sports teams were complete embarrassments throughout the year whether it be terrible and have no first round picks to use to make them better the next year (looking at you, Carolina Panthers), completely just giving up (San Jose Sharks), completely choking a winnable play-in game in front of your own fans and then being mean to a kid of a former player who is on the team that beat us (Toronto Raptors), to giving a team their first win in the playoffs in decades and then getting swept (Toronto Blue Jays. Oh and besides my multiple sclerosis, I now have a skin disease that is not curable.
But enough about me, this was certainly an unremarkable year in films with the highs being high and the lows being low and since this is a site that merely talks about the lows in movies that involves monsters, here are the 15 nominees for the 2023 GINO Award.
Adam Driver Crash Lands In A World With Dinosaurs And Somehow It Is Extremely Boring And Predictable As Hell
Hey, Kids.....Do You Want Another Children Of The Corn Film, But This Time A Reboot Directed By The Directed By The Extremely Terrible Ultraviolet? No....Well, Too Bad Because That Is Exactly What You Are Going To Get And An Actual Corn Monster As An Added Bonus For Not Wanting It.
After Years Of Development Hell To Make A Movie, The Movie Based On The Popular Video Game Series Finally Gets Made And You Were Better Off Watching The Other Movies With Killer Restaurant Animatronic Mascots.
A South Korean Sci-Fi Film That Is The Final Appearance Of It's Main Actress And It Is Sadly A Boring And Comvuluted Post-Apocalyptic Mess Involving Civil War And A Cybernetic Clone Of A War Hero
A Box Office Bomb Based On An Anime Property Because Of Terrible CGI, Mostly Terrible Acting And A Plot That Makes Mostly No Goddamn Sense? Color Me Shocked.
As A Fan Of The Books By Steve Altman That This Series Is Made Of And The First Meg Movie With Jason Statham, I Cannot Believe How Bad The Sequel To This Movie Was And How Much It Betrays The Series To Make Mostly A Story Of It's Own.
Dammit Paramount Plus, You Just Had To Go And Make A Prequel To The Stephen King Book Made Into A Movie And Then, You Completely Had To Make It Horribly Acted And Completely Make It Non-Sensical To The Original Story.
I Enjoyed The First Shazam Movie And Was Kind Of Looking Forward To The Sequel With Mostly The Same Cast. Then I Find Out That The Villains Have No Comic Book Origin And Realize Doing That Never Makes For A Good Movie. Boy, Was I Right Or What?
Let's Get Stuck In A Completely Crumblin Oil Rig Because A Giant Shark That Has So Much Family Arguing Annoyance And Not Enough Giant Shark Carnage To Balance It
NBC Universal Spent $400 Million To Buy The Rights To The Exorcist Franchise In Hopes Of Making A New Sequel Series Of Films And Trusted David Gordon Green To Make Them Hits. Well, Turns Out The Same Thing That Happens With Every Exorcist Sequel Happened To This In That It Tanked.
Despite The Fact This Series Of DCEU Films Were Going To Be Rebooted And The Problematics Actions Of Asshole Main Star Ezra Miller, Warner Brothers Still Went Through With Putting This Film Into Theaters And To The Shock Of Some, But Not Me.....The Film Completely Fell Flat In The Box Office.
Hey, I Have A Great Idea. Let's Make A Nearly Two Hour Movie Based Off A Single Chapter Of Dracula And Let's Make It Extremely Boring For The Most Parts With Characters You Mostly Do Not Care About. What Do You Mean "We Didn't Make Our Budget Back"?
More Exorcism Crap, But This Time We Need To Have Russell Crowe As An Exorcist To Fight The Demon Legion. The Sad Part Is This Is Also Based On Books From An Actual Guy Who Performed Exorcisms And Knows About Demonology.
Sometimes You Get A Horror Comedy That No Matter Who Is In It, It Just Isnt That Funny. And This Year, We Get One With We Have A Ghost Where I Laughed Zero Times. For Added Bonus, Let's Have David Harbour Be Mute For 98% Of The Movie.
In 2023, Winnie-The-Pooh And Most Of The Characters From The Hundred Acre Woods Became Public Domain And Someone Decided To Pounce That Idea With A Really Terrible Slasher Film From The Most Adorable Characters Because Of Course, Our Movie Industry Would Do That.
Poll ends January 13 at 12 AM
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