Monster
Crap Inductee: Spawn
For
The Love Of God, Don’t Eat Cockroach Pizza
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1997
Now
that the make good crap with Aeon Flux is done with, time for me to really talk
about movies I do like that well…..I am okay with inducting on this site as
they have issues. First, with the first two films, we will go to the 90s, a
decade where I was always in school for. It was also a decade with plenty of
fads like Pogs, Tickle Me Elo, that Talkboy that was in Home Alone 2 that never
worked like the movie or commercials made it work, Gangsta Rap & Grunge
(two music genres that died pretty much died after deaths), the Macarena,
Beanie Babies, wearing your clothes backwards, baggy clothes, and other such
stuff that could only work in the 90s and no other decade because they were
kind of dumb fads. It was also the decade where every main movie studio wanted
that money that 1989’s Batman got with movie tickets and merchandising.
No,
seriously….I could name all the insane movies that came out from this time and
for every Blade, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Crow, Men In Black, The
Mask, and Darkman; you had shit like The Phantom, The Shadow, Judge Dredd (the
Stallone one), Barb Wire, Star Kid, Captain America (the 90s one), Steel, and
Barb Wire. Also during this time, a bunch of comic book creators mainly headlined
by one Rob Liefeld decided that they are tired of dealing with DC Comics and
Marvel Comics collective editorial heads harshing their creative buzz and made
Image Comics.
And
honestly, they came out with some good stuff and in an ironic twist as he was
the biggest name heading into this new company, none of the good stuff was by
Rob Liefeld. Those great comics from the 90s was stuff like Witchblade, The
Maxx, Savage Dragon, and of course, their most well known was by one of the
original three in Image Comics (but not the most known) in Todd McFarlane (who
created the character Venom for Marvel) with Spawn.
Spawn
was about Al Simmons, who was a former US soldier who became hitman for the US,
but was betrayed and killed by his agency at the direction of the boss, Jason
Wynn, but was given a deal by the devil named Malebolgia that he could see his
wife again if he agreed to lead the Army of Hell once he was done. As you know,
things change once more is revealed to Al, including the actual reasons for his
death and the people responsible for it (as he did not originally know), he
decided to turn on Malebogia and become an enemy of the agents of hell. This of
course is also a universe where even the angels of heaven are pricks and the US
government still wants his ass dead so basically, he is a reincarnated dead man
without much allegiances although he helps those who really can’t help
themselves like the extremely poor and homeless (where he also at times hides
with).
With
its extreme, unflinching violence and dark backdrops, Spawn was the big money
maker for Image Comics in the early years and almost everyone was willing to
make a Spawn movie. He ultimately chose New Line Cinema and just so he could
keep merchandising rights and creative imput with the film, he sold the film
rights for one dollar (no, you are not misreading that). Yeah, it was not about
money for old Todd McFarlane as Columbia Pictures definitely offered way more.
To
direct this film, New Line hired a visual effects guy named Mark A.Z. Dippe to
make his directorial debut (his effects credits include The Abyss, Terminator
2: Judgement Day, and Jurassic Park). To star as the film as the titular Spawn,
they hired actor Michael Jai White who was coming up in the world of action
films, although his biggest known film at this point was not an action film as
he played Mike Tyson in the made for HBO film Tyson.
He Was
Really Good In The Film Although Was Not 100% With The Voice And Lisp
Michael
Jai White really liked the character so he was easy to get to star in this
film. They also got a pretty good cast with additions like John Leguizamo, DB
Sweeney, Martin Sheen (who always wanted to be in a comic book movie), Nicol Williamson, Miko Hughes, and the very attractive
Melinda Clarke.
She Was
Probably The Most Memorable Part Of Return Of The Living Dead 3 As Julie
Walker, A Woman Who You Could Understand Her Boyfriend Resurrecting Her With
The Trioxin And Even As She Was A Zombie, I’m Sure There Are Plenty Of Male
Readers Here That Would Probably Be Okay Being With Her (If You Know What I
Mean)
Now as
you probably have heard with some of the names, there is plenty to mention as
far as Monster Crap alumni goes.
Mark AZ
Dippe Directed The Film That Was My 8th Ever Induction In
Frankenfish
Frank
Welker is also in this film for voice work and his credits include Godzilla
(1998), Anaconda, Super Mario Bros., Munchies, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, The
Cat In The Hat, Mafia!, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret Of The Ooze
(he continues to have the record). Jay Caputo was a Gorilla in Congo and was 1st
Ape Teenager/2nd Ape Soldier in Planet Of The Apes (2001). Roger
Yuan was a Ninja Wraith in Double Dragon (1994).
Now
normally I would talk about the movie now, but there are two more things that
need to be mentioned. The first is that a certain character (aka the one who
actually killed Al Simmons before he became Spawn) could not be in this movie
whatsoever. You see, Image Comics had a thing where all their characters
interacted with each other all the damn time and the guy who killed Al Simmons
is an assassin who would eventually become Shaft of Youngblood (Rob Liefeld’s
creation). In 1996, Rob Liefeld left Image Comics and took all his characters
with him so this movie could not get even an inch of a Shaft character to be
here to kill Al Simmons so they had to make someone else and we’ll get into
that character when we get to the movie.
The
second thing I need to bring up is at the same time, this movie came out. There
was also the first season of a Spawn cartoon on HBO and it is awesome. Spawn
aka Al Simmons was voiced by the great Keith David who brought the tough but
very brooding and depressed persona of a man who knows he is dead and can never
be with the woman he loves anymore so he tries to make things better while bad
stuff (like an ice cream man who is a serial killer of children) is going
around all over the place and dealing with angels and demons. They also had the
same Shaft problem, but they were actually able to get around it somehow with a
character named Jessi Shaft who is a lot like the Shaft character from the
comics, but not completely him. I guess they were able to get a deal with Rob
that the movie couldn’t. Anyway, two Spawns at the same time.
Now
that the introductions are done, it is now time for the movie.
We
begin with heaven and hell imagery and a narration saying that the battle
between heaven and hell has been going on forever and they show the devil
Malebolgia.
Yeah,
That’s Gonna Be The Worst Effect In This Whole Movie And You’ll See Why
Anyway,
we also a lieutenant of his named Clown, who has been sent to Earth to recruit
the people for Hell’s Army.
And the
men he recruits is people like Jason Wynn, who will be okay to destroy Earth if
their rewards being wealth and power.
Are We
Sure These Dickheads Have Not Been Recruited As Well
The
ultimate goal is to create Armageddon.
No….Not
That Armageddon As He Is A Marvel Character
Unless
Clown Can Steal A Rocket Ship And Somehow Send A Bunch Of Asteroids In Our
Direction, Not That Armageddon Either. Although It Would Make For A Hell Of A
Comic Book Story.
Apparently,
all hell needs for its army is a great soldier to lead them to the gates of
heaven and burn them down. It seems like this fine gentleman may be that
soldier.
Hi,
Al…..
Honestly,
I don’t think we needed this opening whatsoever and I’m sure the director
didn’t either as this opening smells like studio interference asking the
audience…
Don't You Dare Say No
So at a
military base in Hong Kong, a plane lands and at the flight control tower, a
masked man comes in and kills a bunch of Hong Kong people.
I Also
Have To Mention That This Was As Hong Kong Was Given Back To China By Britain And
Because At This Point, China Was Not Powerful Enough To Even Bother To Control
Our Hollywood Money Numbers, We Could Kill Chinese People In Movies Like It Was
Nothing.
This
masked man puts a bag he was carrying down and inside it was equipment to make
a stand for a rocket launcher.
Now
Open Up And Say “Ah”
The
plane lands as this masked man puts on special goggles so he can see what is
going on.
Now,
I’m Not Someone Who Works In The Military In Any Way, But I Don’t Think We Have
Goggles Like This.
An Arab
comes out of the plane and we see that he is the target for our masked man here
and everyone around him is killed when the rocket is fired.
As A
Random Guy In A Hat Looks On.
The
masked man removes his mask and we see that it is indeed Al Simmons, who is a
Lieutenant Colonel For The USA Army And Current Operative For The CIA.
He sets
the rocket stand with a bomb and leaves as the flight tower blows up.
And
with that explosion, we get our opening credits.
And We
Get A Blink And You’ll Miss It Opening Title Card
We then
get some awesome techno music as the rest of the opening credits play
Almost
Makes Me Want To Get My Glow Sticks Out
The narrator comes back to basically say he also fought for good, but also was led to evil and thankfully was able to free himself from Hell so this guy might have been a former guy who was meant to lead the army of Hell, which makes you wonder if Hell has an issue in recruiting. Oh and we find out, the narrator is also the dude in the hat that watched as the plane blew up.
We find
out from news reporters that it was an Algerian revolutionary who was killed with
innocent people as they were all Anti-US. And we see protestors in countries
burning American flags. We then go to the Headquarters of an organization
called A-6 (which actually is a designation for our Air Force that is concerned
with information, signals, and communication) and we see Jason Wynn talking to
someone and saying that Simmons is the best.
The guy
he is talking to is Clown who is not happy, but he does like Simmons. Clown
wants the ultimate weapon that Wynn promised them. Jason says it is coming and
all Clown has to do is keep certain agencies off his back. Clown says Jason
will get the world, but he needs to keep his end of the bargain about the
ultimate weapon. Clown also wants Simmons to lead Hell’s Army before he leaves
and Wynn says he can do that. I could show you Clown right now, but it is too
dark to really see him at his full disgusting look so you’ll have to wait in
this induction.
We then
go to Wanda (Al’s wife at the time) leaving her house as he meets his best
friend and fellow CIA Agent in Terry Fitzgerald.
Well….Time
To Bring This Up Because Once Again We Have Another Moment Of Hollywood Being
Hollywood In Fucking This Up For Stupid Reasons.
Terry
Fitzgerald is a very important character in every Spawn piece of media as after
Al Simmons dies, he ends up marrying Al’s widow and in every incarnation, the
only reason they end up together is because Al’s death hit them (Terry is also
always Al’s best friend) so hard that they fall for each other and together,
Wanda has a kid with Terry. This is something that has been seen in several
shows and movies where one character dies and that character’s friend and the
character’s romantic partner end up hooking up as they both share grief for the
fallen person. That is not where Hollywood fucked this up. Hollywood fucked
this up is that in every incarnation of Spawn, Terry Fitzgerald is BLACK.
So I’m
sure you are wondering why (oh why) did this movie make Terry Fitzgerald white.
Well, I don’t think you would be surprised to hear that Hollywood has a bit of
racial profiling with their movies. At this time, New Line knew they already
had two black characters be main characters in this story and in their stupid
minds, if they added three black main characters, they might change the
audience that would see this film to an audience that would watch stuff like Soul
Food or Friday or Meteor Man. Basically, they didn’t want this movie to be
presumed to be a movie for only African Americans because that is how racist
people in Hollywood are, even though they were swear to Heaven and Earth that
they are not. And that is why Terry Fitzgerald here is white.
Yes,
Hollywood Is Stupid Sometimes
Al
comes out to meet Terry although first has to say goodbye to his dog named
Spaz.
Named
After The Visual Effects Supervisor Steve “Spaz” Williams
In the
car ride, they find out that Wynn may have screwed the pooch with this
operation as a bunch of innocent people were killed during Al’s mission to kill
that Algerian revolutionary. Terry says he always has Al’s back despite what
happened and we see that the guy in the hat is watching despite having a green
glow.
I’m
Gonna Stop Calling Him Man In The Hat And Call Him By His Name That He Is Later
Revealed To Be In This Film And That Is Cogliostro.
Terry
says he plans to keep his eye on Jason Wynn as they are both allowed into the
secret base where Wynn is in. Al goes into Wynn’s office and demands answer as
the runway was supposed to be cleared of civilians when he made his kill, which
Wynn says was an unfortunate, but necessary sacrifice. Al seems to have issues
as he only wants to kill the bad guys and no one else, and if Wynn wants body
bags for innocents, he can send Jessica Priest, who just so happens to be there
as well.
She
Even Says That If He Can’t Handle It, She Will.
Jason
says he will send whoever he wants whenever he wants, but I and the camera seem
more interested in Jessica sitting and showing some panty hoses with a gun
attached to them.
Al has
a problem with that and immediately tells Jason that he wants out. Jason tries
convincing him to stay, but he is resolute in that demand. Jason says he will
have him transferred, but he needs Al to do one last job as there is a North
Korean refinery that is secretly making bio-weapons. He wants the plant taken
out and all the bio weapons taken out. Al agrees to this last job.
We then
go to the North Korean refinery as Al kicks some North Korean ass.
He then
notices that there is already some C4 at the area and finds out too late that
this last job was a trap as Jessica shoots him while Wynn says that priorities
have changed.
It’s
also revealed that the two are going to steal a certain bio weapon and blow up
the facility that will kill 8,000 people in the nearby town as they’ll be
infected with the other bio weapons. They spray Al with flame accelerant and
Wynn says he will take care of Wanda so he wont have to worry about her. He
then flicks his lit cigarette at Al and Al is now on fire.
As Al
is dealing with the fire on him, the C4 blows up and sends Al to hell.
Al
immediately wakes up in the rain and on a church roof. We immediately see his
face and see that Al got all burned up.
Al
hears laughter and it is of course coming from the one known as Clown.
Clown
jokes that he asked for his soldier to be well done, but not burnt and says he
will have fun with Al. Al stumbles around and when he goes down, he sees that
this abandoned church is also a camp for homeless people. He then sees his
reflection in a puddle and sees he has free eyes and a pretty fucked up face.
My
God…..I Can Be The New Freddy Kruger
A kid
named Zack comes up to him and says he doesn’t look too good.
And I
Know What Pretty Messed Up People Look Like As I Was Once Resurrected And
Became A Demonic Kid In Pet Semetary, As Well As Getting Chased Around By
Freddy Kruger In Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.
Zack
offers him a drink and Al takes it while also telling the kid to get lost. Of
course Cogliostro is nearby.
I Don’t
Appreciate You Being Rude To Kids Who Are Being Nice To You.
Cogliostro
is also a character from the comics and is Spawn’s mentor in the comics. He will
just serve as that in the movie, however in the comics….he had far more devious
plans. You see, it is revealed that Cogliostro was actually Cain from the bible
and has been helping Spawn defeat Malebolgia with the ultimate plans to take
the throne of Hell for himself. He also became the supervillain Sinn. He is
still in the Spawn comics as he was one of three characters Todd McFarlane and Neil
Gaiman created together (we’ll get to what happened with them later).
This
What He Looks Like In The Comics
Al asks
Cogliostro what he is looking at and old Cog responds with the old “you tell
me.” Cogliostro tells him that he has been gone a long time and this confuses
Al as it feels like only a few hours ago since he was burned and killed. He
asks where he is, Zack tells him that he is in Rat City, which is part of The
Alley. He shows where he sleeps and old Cog says this is a holy place as all
are welcome here. Al walks around The Alley as Marilyn Manson starts playing.
Fuck
Marilyn Manson, But I Will Mention That The Soundtrack To This Film Kicks All
Kinds Of Ass. And Yes, We Used To Be A Better World Where Movies Would Have A
Whole Soundtrack Of Original Songs (Not Just 1 Or 2 And The Rest Being Older
Hits)
After
getting knocked over by a screaming woman, Al is offered a hooded jacket by
Cogliostro and is offered a place to stay as all are welcome here. Al says he
has a home of his own and tries to go back to his old home. We hear narration
about Al being the new hellspawn and that he will be in for a surprise when he
gets to his place because while he may think it was yesterday that he died, it
has actually been five years.
So Al
goes to his house and sneaks in where he sees a birthday party with a clown.
Who
Sounds Like A Certain Asshole Clown
Al is
confused as Terry there playing with kids as one of the kids hits a pinata.
The kid
hits the pinata and then Al finds probably the worst surprise of all.
That
Wanda Married And Had A Kid With His Best Friend Terry.
Spawn
feels some pain and Spaz notices. The daughter (whose name is Cyan) goes to
check on Spaz and sees Al. Not knowing who he is and thinking he is just a bum,
Cyan offers Al some candy. Al goes to take the candy, but Wanda sees this and
also not knowing it’s Al, screams as she thinks her daughter is talking to a
hobo stranger. Wanda calls for Terry and he comes to tell Al to beat it before
he calls the cops. Clown says he knows him and apologizes for him showing up
and scaring everyone. Clown gives Cyan a crappy toy and takes Al away with him
while Wanda is a little worried that the bum knew her name.
Al is
back in the alley and Clown is in his original clothes and we get a fart joke
from Clown.
Kind Of
Like Bastion Booger
And the
sad thing is….Clown is only like this in this movie version. Every other
version of Clown is sinister and planning as Malebogia’s planned mentor to
Spawn. He’s kind of a mix Pogo The Clown (John Wayne Gacy), Pennywise The
Clown, and a lowdown gangster. But in this movie and because it is John
Leguizamo in the suit, this Clown has to have jokes and fart humor. Anyway,
Clown shows his underwear and it has skidmarks.
Yeah,
This Act Is Going To Get Old Real Quickly
Al
tells Clown to get away from him, but Clown dismisses his insults. Clown then
explains to Al that he is pretty much dead and it is 5 years after his death. Al
then wonders what Clown is and Clown shows Spawn a flashback of what happened,
which is he died, he made a deal with Malebolgia to lead Hell’s Army in
exchange for Wanda, and now he is here.
Let’s
Get The Big Elephant Out Of The Way
This
Malebolgia CGI effect is really freaking bad. It is so bad that in fact, the
monster’s mouth does not move along to the voice coming out of it so it just
seems like Malebolgia is preparing a roar always and being telepathic to people
as Frank Welker does the voice. Unfortunately, this really was a result of
multiple studios doing the work and with the sequences in hell, they were done
on $1 million dollars to a studio in Santa Barbara, who did all the hell
effects in six weeks. There was a Malebolgia puppet that everyone thought
looked a lot better, but it really did not mix well with the terrible hell
effects so they had to scrap the puppet for the film and use the CGI retreads
of the character you see before you. Bottom line is…..it’s a disaster and
really the biggest complaint about this film, which honestly…..I cannot defend.
Back in
the alley, Clown is making fun of the fact that Wanda and Terry are married and
having kids. Al tells Clown to stay away from Wanda and Clown says all he wants
is Al to take care of Jason Wynn, which Al is more than happy to do. Clown says
after Al gets finished with his mission with Hell’s Army, then he will be with
Wanda again. Clown tells Al to think of him as his guardian angel like in It’s
A Wonderful Life and does some stupid voice shtick. Clown then shows Al his
grave.
Clown
gives Al a shovel with his face on it and tells him to start digging.
But
we’re not going to see all that digging as we go to some stupid dumbasses doing
satanic rituals.
Al has
dug up his grave and opens his casket to show that yes, he is indeed dead. A
CGI arm of Al’s dead boy grabs Al before going into dust.
Again,
This Was Done A Lot Better In The Spawn Animated Series On HBO
Al
takes a locket from his corpse and it is of him and Wanda so he keeps it and
screams as he knows everything he has ever loved is no longer his.
Clown
mocks his scream and does one of his own.
One of
the satanists shows up and asks if Satan sent them. Clown basically questions
why God gets all the good followers and they are stuck with the “retards”. Al
shoves the satanists away and starts to transform.
Al
Simmons is now Spawn and the satanists run away. Al wants to know what this is
and Clown says it is his Spawn suit that gives him powers and will help him in
his quest for revenge. Spawn tries to punch Clown, but Clown moves and says
that Spawn can still be killed (and sent back to hell) if he is decapitated. The
locket now becomes part of Spawn’s heart and Clown then transports Al/Spawn
back to the alley. Clown says he has a few more details that he has to attend
to and after that, Spawn and him can play. But before Clown leaves, he eats a pizza with
maggots on it.
John
Leguizamo Actually Ate This Pizza Slice With Maggots On It Unprompted…..And
Would Regret It A Minute Later As He Puked It Up When The Cameras Stopped
Rolling
Al is
angry and destroys a brick wall with one of his kicks and punches a wall with
new spikes forming from his fist. Spawn says that stuff will come in handy when he gets his hands on Wynn. Cogliostro
shows up to warn Al that he is letting them get to him, but Spawn doesn’t want
to hear anything about it. Cogliostro reveals that he was also an assassin and
once the one meant to lead Hell’s Army, but he chose not to follow that path. Spawn
leaves and Cogliostro also reveals that he has powers too.
We go
back to A-6 Headquarters as we see an interview with Terry as he tries to
defend the CIA’s actions.
Jason
Wynn likes how Terry is working in the media and we see the nice ass outfit Jessica
Priest is wearing.
Wynn
then shows the new Heat-16 Bio Weapon, which he says will make the Ebola Virus
look like a skin rash.
My
Apologies To Africa As They Are Going Through A Nasty Ebola Epidemic Right Now
(No Thanks To Our Dumbass Ways Of Crippling Our Help To Them)
Wynn
also reveals that they have the only vaccine to Heat-16. Jason then reveals
that he has plans to disperse Heart-16 through half of the globe and with the
only vaccine, Jason will rule the world. Al is on one of the buildings and
shows off his new cape.
Al
takes out a few guards and steals some weapons.
He’s
Locked And Loaded
Terry
shows up wanting to talk with Jason. He wants to have a word with his boss
alone so Jessica leaves. Terry tells Jason that he can’t keep lying about
covering up the missions overseas and he wants to put a field team together to
get to the bottom of these missions that need to be covered up. Jason then asks
about Wanda and Cyan and makes a veiled threat against Terry if he keeps having
these issues with him. They both leave as there is a gala for the top brass to
get to.
We then
go to this big gala where we see that Jason has been looking for buyers to be
interested in his Heat-16 weapon. Terry gets informed of a breach at the base
and some stolen weapons and he tells Wynn about it. They are about to leave and
we see someone named Angela.
Angela
is not going to do anything in this film, but she actually has some significant
part in the Spawn comics as she is actually an undercover angel who is at first
an enemy to Spawn and then an ally. If there was a sequel, I’m sure she would
have a bigger role in it. But now if there is a sequel, that won’t be
happening.
You
see, she was a character created by both Todd McFarlane and Neil Gaiman and got
quite popular with her own limited series. Unfortunately, there was a really
bad split between McFarlane and Gaiman and after some court trials, Gaiman was
able to have 50-50 rights to Cogliostro, Angela, and a character called Medieval
Spawn. Angela was eventually sold to Marvel Comics and she would be retconned
into the Marvel Universe as her real name being Aldirff Odinsdotter and that
she is the sister to Thor.
You Can
Now Play Her In Marvel Rivals
Back to
the movie, the exit for Jason and Terry to meet with Jessica is interrupted
when Spawn makes an appearance by busting through the ceiling window.
People
start fleeing and Jessica yells (not knowing it is Al), “nice outfit, asshole!”
Al returns fire and a shootout commences. Al gets shot, but as we see…..he
regenerates.
All Al
Can Say About This Is “Damn….”
Jason
yells up to Jessica and tells her that it is Al Simmons, which freaks her out
as she also believed Al was dead. Al gets the drop on Jessica and Jessica tries
to kick Al in the dick, but Al has a belt feature that grabs her leg and bits
it.
Al
throws her to the stair railing. We then have this line of dialogue.
Jessica:
It’s a little too
early for Halloween, Simmons.
Al: Where you’re going, every day’s
Halloween.
When Al
shows his guns, Jessica says he doesn’t have the guts. Al then proceeds to
shoot her several times. She falls dead into a table with champagne glasses.
Al then
says she is right that he doesn’t have the guts, which considering he has no
guts as he is dead, I have to use this.
But I
do have some good news for Ms. Priest, she will be resurrected….in the comics.
You remember when I said she was a movie created character to replace Shaft
because of rights issues, well since Shaft never came back and Todd McFarlane
did have creative rights, he brought in the Jessica Priest character to the
comics and retconned it so she would actually be the one who actually killed Al
Simmons while Shaft was the one who just bragged about doing it when he didn’t.
Jessica would get killed in the comics and resurrected into She-Spawn, while
also getting an actual backstory. She also got a husband and stepchildren and
she would take Angela’s spot as the former enemy turned ally to Spawn that she
had before the Gaiman split.
Of
course Clown has to show up as a waiter to make some jokes, but this causes
other people to come in with guns so Al can become Spawn.
He
shoots several of them before he is shot out a window, but his chains attach to
the building so he’s fine.
He is
able to turn is hands into weird suction cup appendages so he can climb away.
Spawn
Can Only Respond With A “Holy Shit”
They
try shooting Spawn and Spawn falls, but his cape is able to save him and allow
him to fly away.
Spawn
then lands on the top of a church, where he does the Spawn pose with the cape.
Unlike
The CGI With Hell And Malebolgia, The CGI Really Works Well With The Cape
Back as
the police try to deal with an obvious crime scene, Jason Wynn watches as
Jessica Priest is taken to the morgue and is not happy about losing his top
agent. Clown wants to talk to Jason and Jason is not in the mood for his usual
shit as he wants answer as he was not warned about Al Simmons getting
resurrected. Clown tries to reassure Wynn that Spawn is a big idiot and as soon
as he finishes one little detail, he will be ready to join them (while omitting
the fact that the one little detail is killing Jason Wynn). Clown then asks
about Heat-16 and Wynn says that it is ready to go. Clown then suggests that
Jason attaches a device to his heart that will detonate the Heat-16 if his
heart should stop. Jason loves that idea and says he will do that. Clown leaves
with two attractive showgirls (obviously from hell) and Jason says as soon as
he rules the world, he will kill Clown.
We then
see Wanda at a speaking engagement talking about the deadly diseases that were
spread from the explosion of that North Korean bio weapons lab. Al Simmons
comes in from the balcony to watch her speak. Al says to himself that he
thought he was getting rid of the vermin, but he instead turned out to be one
of them. Al then runs into Cyan, who fell down while playing with Spaz and has
a moment with her despite her not knowing who he really is. As Al goes to take
her to her mom, Clown is watching on…
In A
Cheerleader Get-Up
He then
for no reason whatsoever does a cheerleader routine for Spawn.
There
Is No Reason For This Whatsoever
In
fact, Malebolgia knows this is stupid as he immediately summons Clown and asks
him what the hell he is doing.
Don’t
Ever Do That Cheerleader Shit Ever Again!
Clown
is kind of pissed as he thinks he should be leading the Army of Hell, but
Malebolgia is insistent that Spawn must kill Jason and release the virus upon
the world so his army can come to the surface. We go back to the school that
Wanda was speaking at and Al leaves so Cyan can meet back with her mother.
Terry comes running in and says that they have to go home immediately. He
explains there was trouble at the event with Jason and he doesn’t want to take
any chances with his family. Al watches on and tells Spaz the dog to go home
with the family and watch over them, but Spaz won’t leave Al.
Al
takes Spaz back with him to the alley as he sees Zack with his dad. Zack’s dad
is abusive and is upset when Zack spits out some food. Simmons comes in after
the father hits his son and beats him up. Zack has to get Al off of him before
he kills the asshole.
Al
leaves as we then go to a hospital as Jason Wynn is getting the device attached
to his heart like Clown insisted upon.
We go
back to the alley as Zack talks with Al. Al is getting armed and lets Zack pet
Spaz. We then see Clown watching Wynn get operated on and eats worms, bragging
about his genius ideas. We then go back with Al and Zack as Zack wonders if
this is hell. Clown then shows up and says this isn’t hell yet, but soon
everywhere on Earth will be hell. Al has Zack leave as he confronts Clown on
the fact that it was the fat bastard who told Jason Wynn to kill him. Clown
doesn’t even try to hide that he did it and Al then demands to know why he was
picked to lead this war. Clown basically says that Wynn has that device
attached to his heart so Al now just needs to get his revenge. Simmons then
tells Clown that he refuses to join the Army of Hell and rejects the deal he
made with Malebolgia. Clown is now pissed and is about to kill Spaz, but Al
shoots him. Clown then reveals his true form as Violator.
Transformation
Kinda Sucks, But The Final Form Is Good
Al
turns into Spawn and then has a long fight scene with Violator while Zack and
Spaz get out of there. Unfortunately, all the guns in Spawn’s arsenal do
nothing to Violator and Violator kicks Spawn’s ass. Spawn is crucified on a
gate as Violator turns back into Clown and starts taunting Spawn. Clown then
tells Spawn that he and Jason Wynn will be at Wanda’s place, waiting for him.
Clown then leaves as Al is depressed. Cogliostro shows up and helps Al down
from the gate.
We see Terry
Fitzgerald in Jason Wynn’s office as he gets evidence of the evil doings of
Wynn. During the chaos in the alley, we find out that Zack’s dad died. Cogliostro
tells Al that he has to be Spawn now as Al Simmons is dead and should stay
dead. Old Cog is able to convince Spawn that he needs to start using his own
powers and not guns in order to win this battle against the agents of Hell. He
starts training Spawn on how he can use his own powers not just as armor, but
as the weapon.
Small
Training Scene
Spawn
then says he has to get to Wanda’s as Cog warns him that he has to conserve his
powers because once he drains them all, he dies. He tells Zack to return Spaz
to them once he finds him. Spawn then leaves on a motorcycle. Spawn starts
riding on his motorcycle and he has to deal with Clown in a truck.
Clown
tries to kill Spawn with the truck, but Spawn avoids him. Clown then tries to
appear on top of the truck to shoot Spawn.
Spawn starts
using his cape to turn make his motorcycle and himself a more armored vehicle.
Clown
complains that Spawn isn’t playing fair so the asshole then starts spilling goo
on the road.
Spawn
slides and is down. Clown tries to run Spawn over with the truck, but Spawn
uses his cape to turn into a big spike obstacle, which destroys the truck.
Of
Course Spawn and Clown are alright since they have hell powers, but it does
stop Clown from bothering Spawn so he can head to Wanda’s. Meanwhile, Terry is
at his home with Wanda looking at the data aka evidence he stole from Jason’s
hard drive and he tries to upload the evidence to a contact of his from the
news, but Jason Wynn arrives to take the whole family hostage.
Jason
destroys the computer before the upload is finished and hits Terry with his gun
for betraying him. Jason then tells Terry that he is a very lucky man to be
married and have a kid with Wanda. He also reveals that he will kill everyone
except those who are willing to work with him. Wanda says Wynn should take what
he wants and go, but Jason says he is going to do exactly that. The doorbell
rings and it is Clown.
He then
teases Cyan by popping his eyes out and having a giant tongue.
Cyan
remembers that this Clown was at her birthday party and he sarcastically confirms
he was. Terry tries to tell the Clown to stay away from his family, but Clown
just does more stupid tricks.
Even
Jason Wynn Is Annoyed With Your Tricks
Clown
reveals that Spawn is on his way and obviously, Jason is ready to play. Spawn
finally arrives to the house and it seems normal. But the fireplace burst and
we get to see Wanda restrained to some symbol.
Wanda begs
for Spawn to help her and that is when Jason shows up. Jason tells Spawn to
join Hell’s Army or Wanda dies. Spawn hesitates and Jason stabs Wanda.
So it
seems Wanda is dead and Spawn is upset he caused her death. Jason starts taunting
Spawn that it is all his fault and he should have just been a good soldier and
led Hell’s Army as planned, but now Spawn has nothing. Spawn says Wynn is wrong
as he still has him for revenge and kicks him into the office room where Terry
and Cyan are bound and gagged.
Spawn
is about to kill Jason, but Wynn makes one last statement that if Spawn kills
him, he kills Cyan. Spawn stops and uses his eye powers to safely remove the
device from Jason’s heart so that Heat-16 cannot be released if Jason dies. He
then destroys it.
Spawn
then throws Jason away and says he is done doing Hell’s dirty work. He looks
over Wanda’s dead body, but it was all a ruse!!!
No, in
fact the dead Wanda comes alive and berates Spawn before revealing that it is
actually Clown in disguise and no one is dead.
Clown
is mad that Spawn didn’t kill Jason and throws a fit, which causes Jason to be
like “Wait…..you wanted me dead?”. Clown then reveals that yes, he wanted Spawn
to kill Jason, Heat-16 would be released, Clown/Violator would kill Spawn, and
then Jason would be the new Spawn and leader of Hell’s Army. Clown now wants to
slaughter everyone here and says he will start by having some fun with the real
Wanda, who shows up restrained to a chair.
Clown
starts licking her with his long tongue, but Cogliostro shows up to attack
Clown.
Clown
runs away to the fireplace and tells them to come and get him. Cogliostro frees
Wanda who frees her family and gets Spawn to heal himself. Clown taunts them
from the fireplace and once again tells them to come and get him.
Both
Spawn and Cogliostro arrive to Hell.
Cog is originally
split from Spawn, but he jumps to help Spawn up and Violator shows up.
Cog
fights Violator first and Violator beats the shit out of the old man. He is
about to kill Cogliostro, but Spawn comes in with the chains.
Cogliostro
gets thrown away
Spawn
and Violator fight and have a good brawl, which ends with Spawn using his
spiked fist to Violator’s neck, causing him to bleed.
It
looks like Violator is dead and Malebolgia shows up, wanting Spawn to lead his
army.
Yep….My
Bad CGI Self Is Back
Malebolgia
tries to have his army kill Spawn, but Spawn easily kills them all.
No
Seriously…..Hell’s Army Is A Fucking Joke
Spawn
and Cogliostro then leave Hell and go back to Wanda’s place.
Well….That
Was Anti-Climactic
Spawn and
Cogliostro relax thinking it is all over and Cog says Spawn should just take
over and protect Earth from Hell. Zack shows up with Spaz and everyone is happy
to see the dog again.
Spaz….The
Real Star Of The Film
However,
it is not over as Violator shows up to show that he is still alive.
SIKE!!!!!!
Terry
tries shooting Violator, but as we know….guns don’t work against demons from
hell. Violator beats up Spawn some more. Violator is about to eat Spawn, but Spawn
uses his spikes to form on his head to impale Violator.
Spawn
also uses his chains to cut Violator’s head off.
John
Leguizamo’s Clown returns with some insults before being sent back to hell
The
authorities finally arrive and Jason Wynn is arrested for breaking and entering
as well as kidnapping to go along with all the war crimes he committed.
And He
Is Being Led Away By Two More Comic Book Cameos In The Cops Sam And Twitch
We see
that Cyan was left with a necklace by Spawn as Spawn, Cogliostro, Spaz, and Zack
go back to the slums. Spawn of course is on top of the abandoned church and
looking on as a new savior for this city.
And
That Is How The Movie Ends.
From
the years it has been since this movie came out and no sequels whatsoever, you
would think this movie bombed in the box office. However, Spawn did not bomb at
the box office and actually made twice it’s budget in the box office. However, it
wasn’t enough of a hit for New Line Cinema to be interested in an immediate
sequel. Then everything that happened with New Line Cinema having been bought by
Time Warner and later WB Discovery, before soon being acquired along with the
rest of WB by Skydance Paramount; the legal problems with Todd McFarlane vs.
Neil Gaiman, and so many other issues, a sequel has not come out yet. A Spawn reboot
has been teased for so long that despite news of a film called King Spawn
starring Jamie Foxx as Spawn (not sure about that choice), I’ll just save my breath
until the first actual trailer drops.
So how
is Image Comics doing? Well, they are still very much alive and are the third
leading comic book distributors thanks to hits like The Walking Dead,
Invincible, and Kick-Ass. Of course, Todd McFarlane leads the company as President
so everything is fine. HBO’s Spawn cartoon series ended in 1999 and is on DVD
if you are interested.
Michael
Jai White (who played Al Simmons/Spawn) went on to be an action star and got
his most known role as being Black Dynamite.
Martin
Sheen (who played Jason Wynn) is still successful and was in movies like The Departed
and TV shows like The West Wing (and got another comic book movie role as Uncle Ben in The Amazing Spider-man). John Leguizamo (who played Clown) got much
better roles like being in Summer of Sam, Moulin Rouge, and is the voice of Syd
in those Ice Age films, among other stuff. For Theresa Randle (who played
Wanda), something happened that she wasn’t acting again until 2000 and the only
theatrical roles she got were as Theresa Burnett in two Bad Boys sequels (she
was recast in Bad Boys: Ride Or Die for some reason). But the biggest impact
was Melinda Clarke as in 2003, she was cast in a big TV series called The OC as
the much hated Julie Cooper.
Sadly,
we do have some people who have passed since this film came out. Nichol
Williamson (who played Cogliostro) would never act again and died in 2011 at
the age of 75 from esophageal cancer. Darryl Warren (who played a security
guard) passed away in 2018 at the age of 72. Anthony Genovese (who was
uncredited as a bearded news reporter) left this mortal coil in 2023 at the age
of 70.
My
thoughts on this film were obvious from the very beginning. I find Spawn a fun
film to watch despite the pretty bad CGI at times and John Leguizamo getting
annoying at times. Most of the effects were great, the acting was really good (Michael
Jai White was great as Spawn), and other than the whole Terry being white in
this film and the film being PG-13, this film was a perfect representation of what
Spawn was. I am glad to have seen this movie in the theaters and despite what
some people would think of this film, it definitely should not be forgotten.
So time
for my next induction and it is another film that I wanted to induct as I like
it despite some people having bad reviews of it. This is also a film in the 90s
although this one was actually a limited theatrical release from the land down
under. I saw this one when I was renting movies and I liked this film. It is
time for the readers of Monster Crap to hear about killer Komodo Dragons.
