Monster
Crap Inductee: Five Night’s At Freddy’s
When The Night Shift Starts, The PG-13 BS Begins
When The Night Shift Starts, The PG-13 BS Begins
2023
GINO Award Winner
Well,
Hollywood….it seems you have learned nothing new because once again, it turns
out that if you make a PG-13 horror film where you cut away from the kills,
people are going to hate it. And considering the box office of this (which
we’ll get to later), they still won’t learn that lesson. So how did we get
here?
Let’s
start with one Scott Cawthon. He was a devout Christian whose dream was to make
Christian video games and judging from his resume, he made a crap load of them
and while his games were well liked by the Christian audience, there was one
hiccup in that they were not making the money he needed to support his wife and
two kids. So he created the game he hoped to get him the money.
A Kid’s
Game Called Chipper And Sons Lumber Company
This
game did not work and was criticized by a lot of people who called the game
creepy and had characters looking like scary animatronics. That put him in a
deep depression and after he thought he hit rock bottom and considered suicide,
he decided that if those people think my characters for kids were scary
animatronics, well let me give them some scary animatronics intentionally and
make a horror game with that idea. So if you hate Five Nights At Freddy’s and
wonder who could be responsible for such an idea getting into his head, blame
yourselves.
Yes,
Freddy Fazbear Knows You Are The Reason This Happens
So he
made Five Nights At Freddy’s, a game that had you play as a night shift
security guard for a Chuck E Cheese like restaurant called Freddy Fazbear’s
Pizza, who has to keep at his chair, look at cameras, close doors, and make
sure the animatronics don’t kill your ass via jump scare. And because this was
really something that used the isolation and jump scare idea really well (Scott
was a good video game maker), the game made a crap ton of money and he made so
many sequels came out of the game (as well as novels with the game) until he
retired in 2020 “to spend more time with his family”
Why the
quotation marks there? Well, it turned out in 2021 that his donations that have
always been publicly available were learned by most of the world on Twitter and
being a pro-life devout Christian, a lot of his donations went to the
Republican Party
Specifically
This Asshat
Oh,
people did not like that and according to him, he had been doxed and had
received threats of home invasion and violence. Now, whether that is true or
not, that really is going to want to cause anyone to want to get away.
And
Unfortunately, Southwest Airlines Would Not Be Able To Help With How Far He
Wanted To Get Away From The Publicity
So
yeah, he retired to get away from it all. But that retirement lasted only two
years because last year, he made a new game to coincide with the movie, that he
definitely had some say in what was happening.
My
opinion on the games? Well, they aren’t my type of games to play. But one of my
nephews definitely liked them and you gotta give credit to someone who took all
their negative reviews on his kids game and decided “Oh, you think my cute
characters are scary animatronics? Well, I’ll make a horror game and you can
have those ‘scary animatronics’ come right up to your face because you are in
first person view, jackasses.” Now politically, he and I are definitely going
to have major disagreements and I’m sure hope that years later when he is an
old man, he will regret supporting a wannabe dictator who would rip up the
Constitution and kill our great US democracy.
Now
let’s talk about the movie because this movie has been in the works a year
after the first game was released and was a hit in 2015. Unfortunately, because
of roadblocks, delays, and the usual Hollywood bullshit that goes into making a
film. There were people who already decided to ape the idea of killer
children’s animatronics and they definitely came first.
Actually,
one of those problems was getting a director. Originally, they had Gil Kenan
(who directed Monster House and the Poltergeist remake), but he backed out and
ended up writing Ghostbusters Afterlife and is now directing Ghostbusters
Frozen Empire. Then they went with Chris Columbus (who directed the first 2
Home Alone films, Mrs. Doubtfire, and the first two Harry Potter films), but he
backed out too. So they finally have Emma Tammi (who directed two episodes of
Into The Dark).
So
let’s get some people in this movie and for our main star aka the security
guard, let’s get star of the Hunger Games.
Jennifer
Lawrence? Oh Hell No!!! This Is A Blumhouse Film And She Is Too Expensive To Be
In One Of Those.
Yeah,
Josh Hutcherson Will Do.
Now
there is only one person who had a Monster Crap past and that is…..oh no.
Not
Again…
People,
I like Matthew Lillard. Don’t Get It Twisted.
But
he’s been basically on this site so much.
And now
he is here. Again, I do not hate this guy, but he somehow finds a way to keep
getting on this site and I am sure again, this will not be the last time he is
in one of these inductions. I swear, I think only Kane Hodder and Frank Welker
have been in more Monster Crap inductions.
Anyway,
let’s get to the movie.
We also see that he has barricaded the door and something wants in so he definitely needs to do this in a hurry. After unscrewing it, the security guard crawls in and tries to look for an escape. He ends up in the supply room and runs into the hall as a shadow shows an animatronic chasing him.
We then go to what seems pixelized versions of kids enjoying Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza as the yellow rabbit one by one takes the kids elsewhere. We then finally see the opening title card.
We then go to an sleep alarm going off and as we meet our main character Mike.
All over Mike’s room are drawings from a kid and we see that Mike has a sister named Abby, who likes sleeping in her tent with her stuffed animals.
Mike is at his job as a security guard at a mall and is at the food court with another security guard when he sees a father grabbing his son and Mike sees this as a kidnapping.
His Ass
Is So Fired
Steve is not at all sympathetic to the whole “I mistook a dad dragging his kid away for a kidnapping” spiel and he has been fired on other jobs too. He is about to say Mike’s last name, but doesn’t, meaning he knows something. He offers Mike some coffee and tells Mike his options are going to be extremely limited. Mike says he will take anything and Steve then tells him about a night shift security guard position at a closed pizza place called Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza. Mike refuses the gig because he can’t do nights as he has a sister to take care of and he needs to be with her at nights. Steve gives him a card in case he changes his mind.
He enters the house and we meet Max, the baby sitter.
Max tells him that there is Stouffer’s in the microwave if he is hungry and we see Abby in her room coloring. She is not hungry and he just gives up so he can eat because with the day he has had, he really cannot deal with this. He takes medication and plays a tape of nature sounds so he can fall asleep. In his dream, he is back to being a young kid with a family and his even younger brother Garrett.
Mike is told to watch his brother and Mike for a brief moment takes his eye off his brother and sadly, his brother gets kidnapped and a car drives away with Garrett in it while Mike chases after it.
Mike wakes up and it is this case where we wonder why Abby is Mike’s sister instead of his daughter since the parents haven’t been around for a while. Well, from what I have heard, that was originally the plan, but they changed it partly through the movie and no one really knows why. Anyway, Abby is all alone in pre-school at the playground and is at a meeting with a social service counselor, his aunt, and his aunt’s lawyer.
Mike watches the monitors and then sees an old VHS tape that says Mike on it. It is an old security training video for Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza.
Mike looks in one of the locker room and gets a bit of a jolt when he sees a creepy toy.
Mike wants to talk to these kids in his dream, but they run away with out saying anything. He chases them, but they falls over which makes him wake up. It’s the end of his shift so he goes home. The babysitter Max asks how it went and all Mike can say is it was interesting. Max is about to leave and Mike says that he does intend on paying her at some point. Max is okay and says that she knows where he lives so she will get him to pay eventually.
Jane
calls Max a failure for not finding anything and Jeff says that Max went over
that place so if there was something, Max would have found it so she needs to
pay for their work. The lawyer (named Doug) realizes he shouldn’t be hearing
any of this illegal stuff and tries to leave, but Jane makes him stay. Jane
wants to fire them and Jeff comes up with the idea of killing him, which Doug
definitely doesn’t want to hear, but is forced to stay. Max then comes up with
the idea of trying to get Mike fired from the new job and Jane likes that idea
so they set it up so that Max, Jeff and two friends break into Mike’s new place
of work and vandalize the place so he would get fired.
So
night comes and Abby wants to go with Mike on his new job, but Mike says no. So
at his second night working, Mike once again falls asleep. In his dream, he
once again tries to talk to the kids and once again, the kids run away. He
catches one of the kids, but they cut his arm with a hook hand.
He looks at the kid and the kid screams with bloody eyes.
That wakes Mike up and he has to flip the circuit switch because the electricity goes on the fritz. There is then a buzz at the door. Mike answers and we meet a female police officer in Vanessa Shelly.
They introduce themselves and Vanessa notes that Mike is bleeding.
Yep…..Got
Cut In His Sleep.
He looks at the kid and the kid screams with bloody eyes.
That wakes Mike up and he has to flip the circuit switch because the electricity goes on the fritz. There is then a buzz at the door. Mike answers and we meet a female police officer in Vanessa Shelly.
They introduce themselves and Vanessa notes that Mike is bleeding.
Vanessa asks Mike to dance, but the circuits go out again. Mike then asks about the kids going missing and she says it happened in the 80s. Daylight comes and they leave the place. Of course now that they are gone, it is time for Jeff, Max, and two associates to break in and wreck up the place so Mike would get fired.
As they are wrecking the place, one of the other two guys (the skinny one) in the kitchen hears something wanting out of the fridge. As he looks, one of the animatronics passes by which we can only see from the fan.
The skinny guy opens the fridge and sees a miniature cupcake animatronic named Mr. Cupcake.
Mr. Cupcake opens his eyes.
The skinny guy now realizes this is trouble, but its too late as Mr. Cupcake attacks.
And Foxy kills Jeff, although we don’t see the kill as we just see Fox running towards the camera and then screams.
Of course she does not know yet that these animatronics move so she investigates Freddy Fazbear when a human hand grabs her from inside Freddy’s mouth.
Back at home, Mike gives Abby the security badge, but Abby doesn’t want it. Mike says he is trying his best and goes in another room. While he is away, Abby tries to get the badge, but sees the family papers that Jane gave to Mike so she thinks Mike is going to give her away. Mike is about to explain, but there is a knock at the door. It is Vanessa who tells him that someone broke into Freddy’s and trashed the place. Vanessa explains that if she files the report, whatever happens afterwards is out of her hands (aka he could be fired).
Back in dream world, Mike talks to one of the kids, as he figures that they were the kids that disappeared from Freddy’s. He wants to find out who the man is who took his brother. The kid says that if they do this, they want something in return. After some faraway screams and seeing a bunny drawn in the ground, Mike wakes up and sees that Abby is not in her tent.
Mike goes to attack with a wooden chair, but Abby stops him saying that the animatronics are nice and the screams were because they wouldn’t stop tickling her. She introduces Mike to the animatronics and Mike is hard pressed to believe this is happening. Abby reveals that they really like pictures and she gives Bonnie a picture of a heart. Mike wants to take Abby home, but Abby hugs Freddy before she leaves.
Mike
and Abby come to the place for Mike’s night shift. Abby says her friends talk
about Vanessa sometimes since they know she is here (her police car is parked).
Abby comes in and talks to the animatronics and yeah, Vanessa also knows about
the haunted animatronics. Abby decides that they all want to build a fort
around the area and if you wonder why this is happening, just remember that
these are a bunch of kids and fort building is definitely something I and I’m
sure almost every other person ever did when they were kids.
So they
make a giant fort around the dinning room to the music of “Connection” by
Elastica.
It’s A
Cute Scene That Shows There Is Something To This Movie, Which Was Why It Was
Only An Honorable Mention On My Worst Of The Year List.
After
that is done, Vanessa and Mike go off to find a roof for the fort. We also see
that in some of the older animatronic suits, they could be unstable and hurt
the person inside.
Mike
wants to know about Vanessa’s past since she knows a lot about this place and
Vanessa wants to know why Mike would bring Abby to this place. Mike explains
that he thinks that the ghosts inside the animatronics know who took his little
brother and Mike feels like he is closer to his dreams while here that he can
change what happened. He explains that since they do like Abby and not him,
Abby may be able to help find out who took Garrett. Vanessa tells Mike that he
needs to let this go and we go back to Abby dancing with the animatronics. Mike
wants to know since this is the only thing that matters to him and Abby tries
to play with the guitar, but because of the wonky electronics, she gets
shocked.
Thankfully Abby is okay and it is the end of the shift so they leave. Vanessa tells Mike to go home with Abby and Mike thinks that Vanessa is hiding something since she looked afraid in the storage room. Vanessa then warns Mike that if he ever brings Abby back to Freddy’s, she will shoot him and leaves in a very upset state. Back at home, Mike makes a phone call and who did Mike call.
By
unlike that security guard, Mike is able to unscrew one of the restraints and
escape before he becomes dead too. As he escapes from the contraption, he also
finds the body of Max, Jeff, the previous security and the skinny guy being
hidden.
Foxy chases after Mike, but Mike is able to escape. Back at the house, Jane shows how uncaring of a guardian she is by giving Abby one knock on her door and then giving up so she can recline on the chair in the family room. Unbeknownst to her, Freddy is also in the house.
Mike saves Abby by tasing Chica.
Mike tells her that he has been an idiot about trying to fix the past and now realizes that she is the most important person in his life. They leave, but of course Mr. Cupcake is still around.
Mike grabs the cattle prod and takes out Mr. Cupcake.
Mike looks for Abby, but finds the yellow rabbit.
Mike tries to tase it, but since there is a guy inside and it is not just circuitry, it doesn’t work. The yellow rabbit laughs and shoves Mike away. Foxy is about to attack Abby in the ball pit, but we hear electricity and see that Vanessa has shown up to save her.
The yellow rabbit yells at Mike that he couldn’t leave it alone. He does say it is perfect and admits he kidnapped and killed Mike’s brother Garrett while saying he now has the chance to kill him too. The yellow rabbit then wakes up the other animatronics and wants them to help him kill Mike and Abby. Vanessa shows up and says that is enough.
She tells him to drop the knife and he laughs. We then get to see who the yellow rabbit aka William Alfton has been this whole time.
William tells Vanessa to help him clean up the mess she created. He thinks she isn’t going to use a gun, but she does and shoots him in the shoulder.
Abby the realizes that the picture of the yellow rabbit being friends with the murdered kids is how they don’t remember he killed them and why they follow his instructions. As Abby starts drawing, William yells at Vanessa that she had one job, which was to make sure nobody knew his crimes and if they did, to kill the person who knew. Vanessa says that is actually two jobs and William starts strangling her. He then stabs Vanessa when she tries to stop William from killing Abby.
Abby then puts the picture of the yellow rabbit killing the kids in the center of the drawings over that other picture, Mike turns the electricity on to showcase the picture, and that literally convinces the animatronic ghost kids to realize the truth.
The animatronics now confront William and he decides to taunt them by saying he made them and that they are wretched beasts. Mr. Cupcake attacks and you remember that faulty mechanism that was in the old costumes?
We then see Abby back at day care and she is making friends.
The child services counselor is happy that Abby has made huge progress in a few weeks and tells Mike that whatever he is doing, to keep doing it. They go home to have spaghetti with meatballs, but before that, they have to make a quick stop to check on Vanessa at the hospital.
He asks for help and the one ghost kid who is watching him just leaves him there.
