2022 has been a rather blah year if I am to be honest. While things were good with movies for the most part, there were some terrible things in sports particularly like the Toronto Blue Jays choking to lose to the Seattle Mariners in the playoffs or whatever the Carolina Panthers season was or....what the hell are the San Jose Sharks doing. But like I said with movies, it was a pretty good year (which I will get into in my Favorite Films of the Year List). But as always, there were some stinkers (which I will get better into with the Worst Films Of The Year List). But I know what you guys want, you want to see what film is gonna get the GINO (aka The Worst Movie Involving A Monster Of The Year) and boy, do I have 18 choices for you and here they are.
As Anyone In Texas Politics Knows, The Bullshit Is Definitely Bigger In Texas. Basically, It Is A Jaws Rip Off With A Shark Terrorizing An Area And The Politicians Want To Keep Things Quiet So We Have To Deal With An Alcoholic Game Warden To Try And Save The Day. By The Way, The Artwork Seems To Be Confused With The Title As That Is A Great White On The Poster And Yet The Movie Is Called Bull Shark. Not The Only Time This Movie Couldnt Tell The Freaking Difference.
The Original Firestarter Film (Based On A Book By Steven King) Was An Okay Film With Some Good Acting. That Completely Disappears With The Remake As The Acting Sucks, The Pacing Is Dreadful, And While The Villains In The Original Were Entertaining (Thanks To George C. Scott And Martin Sheen), The Villain Here.....Oh Dear Fucking God, She Sucks. This Is Definitely One Of Those Films You May Want To Burn After Watching.
Not Even Pixar Was Safe From This Bad Disney Year As They Were Tasked With Releasing The So Called Film That Was Andy's Favorite Movie Of All Time Back In 1995. If You Have Seen This Film And Remember What 1995 Was Like, You Would Know That There Is No Way This Film Was Andy's Favorite Film Back In 1995. Also, While I Am Okay With The Different Voice Actor For Buzz, What I Am Not Okay With Is A Completely Different Character With Different Characteristics And A Different, Worse Version Of The Villain Zurg.
This Is The Movie Where The Villain Of This Movie Is The Freaking Moon. You May Be Wondering How The Freaking Moon Could Be The Villain. Well Strap In Because Apparently The Moon Is An Alien Weapon (I Am Not Freaking Kidding). I Would Say More About The Moon Alien Weapon, But This Is Really One That Needs To Be Seen To Be Believed. Scientific Logic Doesnt Exist Because This Is A Roland Emmerich Film And We Don't Need Logic In A Roland Emmerich Film.
It's Freaking Morbin Time As Sony Pictures Seems To Still Not Know How To Make A Good Spider-Man Film Without Spider-Man. Jared Leto Really Sleepwalks Through The Role Of Michael Morbius With Some Atrocious CGI And The Only Saving Grace Being The Villain Played By Matt Smith Who Decided That He Is Just Going To Ham The Hell Out Of This Film Once He Turns Evil. Oh, And That Planned Sinister Six Film Isn't Happening Because This Movie Bombed Not Once, But Twice.
Were You Asking For A Animated Animal Film Which Is A Loose Remake Of Blazing Saddles, But With Samurais Instead? No? Well, Too Bad As That Is Exactly What We Got Here. This Film (That Was Supposed To Be Released In 2017) Really Shows That Sometimes We Really Should Not Touch Mel Brooks Properties Because Our Dumbasses Don't Even Have A Damn Clue What Makes Them Funny.
Disney Continues To Fail With It's Live Action Remakes Of Old Disney Animated Classics With This Disaster That Even Disney Knew Was Bad As They Released This Straight To Streaming. I Don't Know How This Film Did This, But It Somehow Made Everything From The Original Classic So Much Worse. If You Ever Want Just An Idea Of How Bad This Film Is, Pinocchio At One Point Decides That He Needs To Big Whiff Of Horse Shit. It's Embarrassing.
Ben Cross' Last Film Ever Is This Complete Stinker That Continues To Show That Most Exorcism Films Really Do Suck Because They Don't Do Much Differently. This Time, It Is A Nun Who Becomes An Exorcist Only Because She Had A Past With Her Demon Possessed Mom And Now That Demon's Possessing Someone Else. I Know The Guy Who Directed This Directed A Decent Exorcism Film Years Ago In The Last Exorcism, But He Should Have Not Tried To Tempt Fate Twice.
Now Normally, I Don't Touch Terrible Sequels If I Haven't Touched The Terrible First Film. But Like A Haunted House 2 A Few Years Ago, I Do Make Freaking Exceptions If A Film Is So Bad That I Am Forced To Do So And That Is What We Get Here In This Sequel/Prequel To The First Pile Of Shit. Hey, You Remember Any Of The Backstory Of That Jeff Bridges Cowboy Ghost From The First Film? Well, Good As This Prequel Doesnt Remember A Damn Thing About That Film Either And It Is Still Worse Than The First, Which Was Really Bad In And Of Itself.
Disney Really Had A Bad Year As This Is The Third Disney Film Nominated. This One Sadly Made It Into Theaters And Bombed So Badly That Disney Had To Fire It's CEO And Rehire His Predecessor. As For The Movie Itself, It Is Extremely Mediocre And Sadly Proof That Disney Does Not Know How To Do A Movie From The Science Fiction Genre. Annoying Characters And Sadly A Plot With Twists You Can See A Mile Away Just Doesnt Work. Do Better, Disney......PLEASE!!!!
With The Tragic Passing Of Foo Fighters Drummer Taylor Hawkins, I Really Had Reservations About Even Nominating This Terrible Film Where Foo Fighters Decide To Rent A Haunted House And We Have To Deal With Demon Possession. But Besides Dave Grohl, The Acting From The Foo Fighters Is Just Goddamn Awful And By The End, You Really Only Care About Dave Grohl (Even Though He Is The One Posssessed) And The Rest Of The Band Are Just Throw Aways.
Former NFL Player And Madden Cover Athlete Peyton Hillis (Get Well Soon) Is The Lead In This Mundane Werewolf Film That Tries To Hard To Have A Twist That Is So Obvious Because It Is The Only Thing That Made Sense. Despite What The Cover May Lead You To Believe, The Werewolf Is Not That Cool Looking But Instead, It Looks More Like A Slightly Better Version Of The Dog Costumed Guy As The Dog Suited Guy In Stanley Kubrick's The Shining
Despite A Good Start And A Pretty Good Lead, The Film Quickly Devolves Into A Vampire Film That Is Really Damn Predictable Except For The Twist 2/3rds Of The Way Through That This Is A Lousy Attempt To Do A Dracula Film, With Probably The Laziest Use Of Jonathan And Mina Harker I Have Ever Seen. Do Yourself A Favor And Drive A Stake Through The Heart Of This Film.
Another Film That Is The Last Performance Of Someone As This Time, It Is The Late William Hurt's Last Role Although Technically, That Is Unfair As This Film Was Done Eight Years Ago And Because Of Multiple Studios Buying And Then Selling The Film Before Ever Releasing It, You Know This Film Has To Be An Unreleasable Mess To Them. I Feel So Sorry For So Many Actors Who Had To Deal With This BS And Finally Get News That The Film Got Released Long Since They Even Cared About It. Just Freaking Throw This One Back In The Water.
It's A Christmas Movie Where The Grinch Is A Freaking Slasher. Oh, But Because Of Copyright Laws Still Being In Effect, We Can't Call Him The Grinch So Instead, Let's Just Call Him The Mean One And Call Other Stuff Cindy You-Know-Who And Newville. Completely Inept And Hampered By "Some Of The Worst CGI You'll Find In The Horror Genre" (Mark Danato Of IGN's Words, Not Mine), The Only Worthwhile Reason To See This Film Is Just Out Of Curiosity Of If You Want To See The Grinch Just Kill People.
The True Lowest Of Lows For Rob Zombie Himself As Rob Zombie Was Allowed To Make A Passion Project Feature Film Adaptation Of One Of This Favorite Shows Of All Time (In Case The Fact, That One Of His Hit Songs Being About The Munsters' Car Didn't Give You That Hint). Of Course Rob Zombie's Wife Is In This Film Shouldn't Surprise You, But You Would Be Surprised To Learn That This Film Is Instead Of Being Just The Show With The Time Lengthened, It Is Actually A Origin Story Of How These Three Characters Met Each Other. Rob Zombie Might Want To Retire From Film Making Altogether Because If You Can't Even Make A Decent Film On A Property That You Seriously Love After Years Of Other Failures.
Oh, Did You Think All Of These GINO Award Nominees Would Be From The United States? Nah, Germany Also Has To Get It's Lumps As Well With This Film About Rich People In A Demonic Cult Giving Their Kids Pills Filled With Fungus So They Can Be Possessed By A Demon To Give Them Powers Of Some Kind. Despite How Insane That All Sounds, You Will Be Sad To Learn That This Film Somehow Was Able To Be Completely Freaking Boring.
Alicia Silverstone Is Probably A Name You Haven't Heard In Years, But She Is Still Acting And This Year, She Ended Up Being In One Of The Most Terribly Acted Killer Shark Movies I Have Ever Seen. Alicia Plays One Half Of A Newlywed Couple Who Decide For Their Honeymoon To Go To Vietnam And Spend Their Loving Time In A House Mostly In The Water (Only Connected To Land By A Tiny Walkway. A Storm Comes And Wouldnt You Know It, The House Ends Up Going Adrift Where They Now Have To Fight For Their Survival With Little Food, Water, And An Even Smaller And Smaller Place To Be On As Well As Some Hungry Sharks Who Want Them As Food.
Poll ends January 14 at 12 AM.
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