Monster Crap Inductee: Gamera Super Monster (1980)

Monster Crap Inductee: Gamera: Super Monster
A Monster Movie So Bad…It Only Makes You Only Slight Appreciate Godzilla’s Revenge
 

1980
 
I want you to read that subtitle carefully because that is something that should never have happened yet with Gamera Super Monster, a film that has been I have been told to death that I have had to induct. Yes, for years, every time I inducted a Gamera movie, someone somewhere would tell me “Ha!!! If you thought that was bad, you need to see Gamera Super Monster.” Well, I have now and I can say this one thing. I am truly sorry for talking about the other Showa Gamera movies in my inductions the way I did because if I had done seen this movie beforehand and not just based my opinion of it just by the reputation of it, I would have still inducted those movies….but I would not have been mean about them.
 
So how the fuck did we get to this disaster, you may ask? Well, you have to talk about Daei Film. For a long time, they became probably one of the most successful post-war Japan studios not just with Gamera, but with art house films like Akira Torizawa’s Rashomon as well as the Zatoichi, Yokai Monsters, and Daimajin series of films. Heck, they even owned a baseball team in the Japanese Major League. However, those were the good days and by the late 60s, those days were going downhill with disappointing projects. But don’t tell that to the president of the company Masaichi Nagata because he still spend money on a lifestyle that said things were fine. That ultimately came to a head as by the time Gamera vs. Zigra (the first Gamera induction I did) came out, Daiei Film had declare bankruptcy.
 
But that bankruptcy was short-lived as in 1974, enough people that were with the company (not Nagata though) were able to get the company out of bankruptcy so they could continue on. However, by 1980, they were back to struggling financially so they decided that they would make a quick cash grab and make another Gamera film in hopes to get out of debt. So with the director who directed most of the Gamera movies (the only one he didn’t direct was Gamera vs. Barugon) and an extremely limited budget, how are they going to do this? Well, we are going to painfully find out.
 
The first thing we get is the title card.
 

Japan May Call It “Space Monster Gamera Super Monster”, But We Will Just Call It “Gamera Super Monster”.
 
After that, we hear a whole bunch about the universe and basically saying that as far as the universe goes, everything that you or I or anyone has done is just a blip on the radar if you’re lucky. We also get a new Gamera theme song sung by a lady just so you know this might be a bit different. But we do get the same old story about aliens wanting to invade Earth, but this time from the pirate spaceship Zannon.
 

Why Does That Spaceship Look Rather Familiar?
 

Oh, I See…..This Movie Wanted To Rip Off The Star Destroyer From Star Wars.
 
Seriously, I’m surprised George Lucas didn’t even sue this movie because he was definitely within his damn rights to do so. And don’t give me that whole “he can’t sue a Japanese film”, he most certainly could as Porno Pete could tell you.
 

Fucker Sued The Hentai “Star Ballz” For Christ Sakes

 
Anyway, we go to Earth and we find out that three spacewomen from a previous unnamed planet that Zannon destroyed are on Earth, knowing that Zannon would come for Earth and they are here to protect us.
 

And these women fly via terrible effects, bland suits, rear projection, a keyboard, an ugly van, and even more terrible effects.
 

Also, I guess I should say the three spacewomen’s names are Kilara, Marsha, and Mitan.
 

Kilara tells the other two that she feels something bad is going to happen and they need to get ready for it. A message is broadcast all over the world from Zannon saying that they know three spacewomen are on their planet already, but it doesn’t matter as they are going to conquer Earth. Oh and by the way, the ship sounds like King Ghidorah.
 

King Ghidorah May Also Want To Get Legal Counseling On This.
 
The girls know they have been found out and for some reason change back into their normal gear because get this…..they can’t freaking track them in their normal outfits.
 

That’s The Power Of The Sailor Scout Transformation
 

Who Am I Kidding? This Movie Wishes It Had Enough Money To Do The Sailor Scout Transformation
 
Kilara says they have to stop them and one of the other two says that they can’t as they have no weapons. Now if you are now gonna ask me how they are going to stop them, the answer is they aren’t? In fact, other than one thing, these girls contribute nothing to save this world. But we’ll get to that later.
 
Meanwhile, we see a light come down to Earth and it’s the henchwoman working for the pirate spaceship Zannon, Giruge.
 

She is being tasked to stop the space women from interfering and if you can give Giruge one thing…
 

It’s That When She Transforms Into Earth Clothing, She Turns The Sky From Evening To Pitch Night.
 
Giruge walks around the city and she gets hit on by a bunch of douchebags.
 

Don’t worry, she knows how to take care of these dirtbags.
 

Electrocute One Of Them So They Know She Isn’t Messing Around.
 

Ahh….A Girl After Joker’s Heart
 
The next day, our film’s little kid Keichi plays “Camptown Races” on the piano.
 

Keichi’s mom is happy and thinks he will impress the teacher. Keichi then goes out and sees his friends who are reading one of those collection manga that has a Kinnukuman manga as well as a Gamera manga.
 

Kids then go to the park and see that the police officer there has a turtle just like in the manga.
 

But the cop has to kill their dreams because it isn’t his turtle, but a turtle that he is holding because it was left there by its owner. He also tells them to go away before he arrests them, before saying he is joking, but is serious that they need to go away.
 
Keichi then decides to go to a pet shop (which is run by Kilara) and get himself a pet turtle. He choses a turtle because he says he and the turtle can talk to each other.
 

No, The Turtle Never Talks To The Kid
 
Kilara gets an alert and tells Keichi to head home. Keichi does so with his new turtle as we find out that several volcanic eruptions have occurred.
 

Scientists are looking into the eruptions and here is where we get our first bit of old footage, this time from Gamera vs. Gyaos.
 

For Right Now It Is Just Gyaos’ Lasers Destroying Things
 
Back at home, Keichi is playing the Gamera theme song on his piano.
 

He is of course, playing for his new pet turtle (which he named Gamera). His mom wishes he would work on his homework and also convinces Keichi to get rid of the turtle, convincing him that the turtle is better off being free.
 

Yep….Not Even A Day After He Has The Turtle, He Is Getting Rid Of The Turtle Because Of His Mom.
 
And now it is time for Gyaos’ appearance.
 

Or The Super Sonic Monster: Gaos.
 
You know what, this movie may call him Gaos, but I am calling him Gyaos because in the Gamera vs. Gyaos movie, they explained why it has that name (the sound is what gave him his name) and in this one, they just call it that.
 
Gyaos causes all kinds of damage, none of which I will show you because it is all from Gamera vs. Gyaos and I’m not just doing that again. Meanwhile, the space girls are at their meeting place, except for Marsha as she is stuck in traffic.
 

So Marsha decides to basically “screw keeping a secret identity” and transform in the middle of traffic. She also teleports her car away.
 

This shocks one of the drivers who just thinks he was seeing things.
 

My Reaction Watching This Gamera Film, Which Then Turns To Anger Later On. You Will Know When. Trust Me.
 
Of course, that transformation and teleportation has caused Giruge to lock on her as well as the others and send their signal to Zannon. When Marsha arrives on the meeting place, Zannon shoots and destroys her car, which thankfully she was able to get away from.
 

Marsha turns back to an earthling and basically Zannon and Giruge lose her signal. Which means because of this, the space women can not transform and save the day. Basically, it is there way out of the women doing anything to help this planet. Meanwhile, Keichi goes to the store, but it is closed. But Keichi enters through the backway and apparently he is okay enough that the space women leave the backdoor unlocked and they don’t freak when Keichi comes in. Kilara introduces Keichi to Marsha and Mitan.
 
Keichi comes to apologize because he let the turtle go back into the wild, but the women are okay with it if he feels it is what the turtle felt was best. He then sees the piano and is allowed to play it. He of course plays this film’s Gamera theme song. Keichi says that if his turtle that he let go could turn into Gamera, he is sure it would defeat Gyaos. The girls decide to leave and try to transform.
 

It’s Daytime Now So I Am Going To Ask That We Ignore Day And Night Because This Film Has Obvious Said Time Means Nothing Here.
 
They transform and have to transform back after the ship fires on them again.
 

These Ladies Are Useless
 
After finishing his theme song, Keichi hears a familiar noise and goes outside. It is Gamera.
 

Yep….Enjoy One Of Only Three Times There Is New Gamera Footage That All Aproximates To Two Whole Minutes Out Of This Hour And Thirty One Minute Movie.
 
Now for those asking and the film basically intimates it, yes….that is Keichi’s Gamera who has turned into Gamera to save us all…..which is dumb as hell, but let’s not dwell too long for we have too much of this movie left to go. Oh and as Keichi is yelling that his Gamera is going to beat up Gyaos, Giruge hears this.
 

Giruge wants to talk to Keichi about this and Keichi doesn’t understand the whole “no talking to strangers” thing so he walks away with this lady he has never seen before.

Even McGruff Is Wondering What Is Wrong With This Kid.
 
And we are back to more Gamera vs. Gyaos scenes including the infamous one where the rogue reporters get their car cut in half for their troubles. Gamera comes in and Gyaos does his stupid yellow dust.
 

Gamera almost gets Gyaos, but Gyaos cuts off his own foot so he can escape.
 

The kids get out of school and of course Giruge is waiting outside the school to meet up for Keichi.
 

Not At All Suspicious
 
Anyway, she saws she saw the battle and if that Gyaos reappears, Gamera is going to die.
 

And I Guess Is Going To Tell The Kids Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, And The Tooth Fairy Are Not Real With That Smile.
 
The kids disagree with her and that is all for that scene. Oh and we then cut to Gamera vs. Gyaos again.
 

You Might Be Wondering How Gyaos Has Both His Feet Back And While The Original Gamera vs. Gyaos Showed How, This Film Just Tells You To Shut Up About That.
 
Gamera blood is spilled, but ultimately Gamera defeats Gyaos by dragging him into the volcano when Gyaos is weak because of sunlight.
 

So with Gyaos dead, the space women are happy as they didn’t have to do anything to save the day. They then mentioned that they think Gyaos was under Zannon’s control and we hear that Zannon destroyed their home planet. Zannon is wondering what this Gamera is and Giruge thinks that the kid might have something to do with it. We also find out the next attack will be by the sea while Giruge is directed to find out more about this Keichi and take him hostage so the space women will reveal themselves.
 
Oh and just to explain how stupid this movie is, despite Gamera beating Gyaos would easily be news, none of the news, TV stations, or Mom are talking about it.
 

If You’re Wondering How This Could Happen. Well….
 

The Filmmakers Would Like To Tell You To Just Shut Up
 
Keichi runs off and immediately goes to Kilara and she believes him. After leaving the pet shop, Keichi runs into Giruge who takes him out to hamburgers. She asks about who he told and he said he only told his mom and the woman at the pet shop.

Giruge, Why Are You Looking At Me To Explain What Is Going On????
 
Giruge checks with her watch and apparently, these human disguises are so good that the Zannon radar can’t detect them. She takes Keichi to an alley and causes him to disappear via her watch.
 

Have We Killed Keichi?
 

Nah….He Just Got Teleported To The Beach
 
At the beach, Giruge lies about being here to protect the Earth and then we get to see Gamera’s next opponent for this movie in the Deep Sea Monster: Zigra.
 

Complete With Jaws Rip-Off Music

 
Anyway, this battle isn’t long and the only real highlight is Gamera using Zigra’s back like a xylophone.
 

Anyway, Gamera wins via fire.
 

Giruge is not happy Gamera won and Keichi pretty much figures out that she is an evil space woman. She chases after Keichi who tries to get away while Keichi’s mom tells Kilara that Keichi has gone missing. She is able to locate Keichi and through a portal and her piano, she is able to get teleport him to safety with her.
 

After this, Keichi figures out that Kilara and her friends are the space women sent to protect us. They reveal that they sleep in the van at night and she is going to show him how. Giruge meanwhile is getting scolded by Zannon for failing and she asks for another chance. Zannon gives her another chance and says he will send the monster Viras to stop Gamera.
 
Back with Kilara and Keichi, she reveals that the space women sleep in the van by shrinking and that the purse is the real space ship.
 

They close up the van and then we see Gamera fight Viras.
 

Yep….The Deep Space Monster: Viras
 
Only highlights here is Gamera riding Viras like a jet ski and Viras stabbing Gamera with its head.
 

As you remember from Gamera vs. Viras, that stab doesn’t kill him and instead allows Gamera to take Viras with him high in the sky to the point Viras freezes to death and it is plunged to ocean.
 

Keichi is happy about Gamera winning again. With this failure, Zannon demands Giruge to explain herself and her defense is….it was the space women who were the issue and not Keichi. She also says she knows where the space women are hiding and teleports. Meanwhile, Keichi is sent on his way with the promise that he will keep the secret of them as the space women. Marsha and Miton show up and Kilara tells them that they will eventually have to reveal themselves soon. We go back to Keichi who goes to bed.
 
Here Keichi dreams about Gamera being in outer space and….
 

Are You Kidding Me????
 
No, seriously. Are you kidding me??? Not only am I having to watch Gamera’s so called Greatest Hits with a dumb movie in their somewhere, but Daiei in their infinite wisdom decided that we need to have anime footage in this movie which works terribly against the live action filming.
 

It Seriously Looks Like Gamera Is Watching Space Battleship Yamato (Which Is The Anime They Are Using Clips For Here)
 
Giruge shows up at the parking garage where the yellow van is. Giruge goes to the van and sets a bomb, which vaporizes the van.
 

Keichi gets up and goes to the pet shop, which is still closed. But Keichi knows about the parking garage so he heads there. But unfortunately, the van has been vaporized so he thinks they have been killed. But there is good news as the purse that they are in has a shield that protects them.
 

Sounds Like Something A Kid Would Make Up To Keep Themselves From Losing During Playing.
 
Kilara asks Keichi to take the bag/spaceship into the pet shop where that will be their new place of sleep, which he is okay with. He is about to attempt to sneak into the pet shop when Giruge finds him at the front door. She asks if the pet shop owner is around and he says no. Because of this, she believes the space women are dead so it is time to unleash the next monster against Gamera, with that next monster is Jiger.
 

Giant Devil Beast: Jiger, That Is…
 
Also, the way it was edited, it looked like Zannon just dropped Jiger onto Japan instead of what really happened, which is Gamera jumping onto the buildings. Anyway, Jiger causes chaos until Gamera arrives.
 

Gone is the whole thing of Gamera getting pregnant thanks to Jiger’s tail and Jiger getting killed by a statue to the head, which ultimately leads to Jiger just being beaten via this slam.
 

Keichi and the space women watch this via that screen in the pet shop and are happy that Gamera won. Meanwhile, Giruge is upset that Gamera won again and at this point, Zannon says that it is time for Giruge to be executed for her failures. However, Giruge has a great idea and says they should try controlling Gamera. Zannon somehow realizes they always could control Gamera so they put the control device on the back of Gamera’s neck.
 

So with Gamera under there control, now we get some early Gamera vs. Barugon footage where Gamera destroys shit.
 

It is here we get another bit of new Gamera footage and well….it’s Gamera walking past a Godzilla sign and it falling over.
 

Gamera Super Monster…For Making Me Have Better Feelings About Godzilla’s Revenge, You Don’t Get To Take The Piss Out Of Godzilla In This Movie. Fuck You.
 
The news talks about Gamera now being evil and both Keichi and the space women wonder what happened.
 

Oh And The Black And White Footage Is Now Shown In Red And On A Tiny TV To Hopefully Make This BS More Tolerable, But Instead It Is Giving Me Virtual Boy Flashbacks.
 

My Neck Does Not Appreciate Having Virtual Boy Flashbacks.
 
Using the piano and the screen, they figure out that Gamera is being controlled by the aliens via the device on his neck.
 

Which Somehow Gives Us An Anatomy Chart Of Gamera
 
So the space women decide they will have to explode the device. In what seems to be the only way they help planet Earth at all in this whole stinking film, Kilara turns into a space woman and goes to Gamera all the while avoiding Zannon’s space rays since they are locked in on the space women.
 

Too bad that Zannon can’t aim for shit and Kilara is able to get on Gamera’s neck. There, she allows Zannon’s own rays to destroy the control device.
 

To Steal A Mystery Science Theater Joke, They Seriously Set Their Phasers To Miss
 
So now Gamera is back to being a good guy and goes to the planet where the apparent monsters are being made. But first, Kilara has to fight Giruge as she shows up with a gun.
 

Just Kilara As The Other Space Women Need To Protect Keichi, Which Means Marsha and Mitan Are Completely…
 

Yep…I Found The Title Card To A British Quiz TV Show. I Wonder If Cyndi Seidelman Knows Anything About That Show?
 
Ah….no time to ask as I just want to get this over with. So anyway, Kilara and Giruge fight.
 

This is some bad fight choreography.
 

Including Stunt Doubles We Can See Clear As Day
 
Kilara ultimately wins and Giruge accidentally knocks the gun over and shoots herself in the leg.
 

Kilara has the gun on Giruge, but decides not to shoot her and gives her back the gun, Giruge (instead of trying to shoot Kilara in the back) decides since she is a failure to try and kill herself.
 

But the space women stop her and Giruge passes out. So back to Gamera as since he is going to the planet where the monsters are being made (apparently), that means it is time for Gamera vs. Guiron footage.
 

Or In The Case, Giant Evil Beast: Guiron
 
Again, it’s the same fight with the real highlight being Gamera attempting to join the Olympics.
 

Well, The Summer Olympics Are In Tokyo This Year So Maybe Gamera Could Make The Gymnastics Team.
 
Anyway, Gamera uses the bases missiles to defeat Guiron, who is stuck to the ground via his knife like head.

And as Gamera heads back, we get him basically watching another anime.
 

This Time, It Is Galaxy Express 999.
 
Giruge wakes up in the same bed as Keichi.
 

I Know Where The Gutter Mind Goes And No, We Did Not Have Some Pedophilia Indications Here.
 
In fact, it is revealed by Keichi’s mom that despite all the bad things she has done, Keichi considers her like a sister and has been watching over her while she was out. It is revealed that she is welcome to stay here as long as she likes. But time for the final Gamera battle and this time it is against Barugon.
 

The Chilling Monster: Barugon
 
Again, Barugon does his stuff like the rainbow attack, Gamera shows up, and this is a quick battle so we skip the whole Gamera getting frozen bit and have Gamera win via dragging Barugon into the lake and drowning it.
 

The space women and Keichi are once again happy having done absolutely nothing while Gamera does all the work. They go to the park to meet Gamera with Giruge following. Zannon tells Giruge that she can’t be counted on to get this done and Zannon is just going to up and destroy the planet. Giruge decides she has had enough of living and sacrifices herself by giving Zannon her coordinates as a target and tells the laser.
 

She Dead
 
After her goodbyes and ruing the fact that she was on the wrong side, Gamera then flies to the pirate spaceship Zannon and destroys it.
 

In A Kamikaze Attack That Also Kills Gamera.
 
Yeah, Gamera is dead. Everyone is sad, but they will all be able to live peacefully now. And with Kilara taking Keichi with her for a space ride.
 

Seriously, This Is Kidnapping
 
The movie mercifully ends.
 
Now we will get to my personal opinion about the movie in a minute, but did the movie do what Daiei wanted it to do and be a quick cash grab to get the out of financial trouble? Well, according to sources, that answer is hell no. In fact, Daiei had to use miserly means to stay alive with very small productions and in one case, work with an American company Prism Entertainment to make an American slasher movie. Guess which slasher movie it is?
 

Seriously….
 
But after 15 years, Daiei was in good business enough to give their old cash cow Gamera another try. But why would I call this movie the end of Gamera being on Monster Crap when there are still more movies? Well, the Heisei Gamera trilogy (Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, Gamera 2: Attack Of Legion, and Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris) are some of the best kaiju movies out there. In fact, I’d say Gamera in the Heisei era batted a better average than it’s main competition Godzilla during that time. Daiei would eventually though get bought out by Kadokawa Studios. They did Gamera The Brave and while it was a disappointment for the studio, I loved it and found it to be the best way to make Gamera the Friend To All Children.
 
Now unfortunately, there is a  few people who passed away after this movie. Noriaki Yuasa (the director) would die in 2004 at the age of 71 due to a stroke. Yuzo Hayakawa (who was the policeman) died in 2010 at the age of 85. Osamu Kobayashi (who was the voice of Zannon) passed away in 2011 at the age of 76 from pancreatic cancer.
 
So thoughts on this film and I’m not going to sugar coat anything, this film sucks. Not only did they massively use footage from previous Gamera films, but they also uses footage from anime that so does not mix well with the rest of the film. The effects (if you can call them that) are beyond terrible and weren’t even good for back in 1980. The entire crew basically did this one movie and very little afterwards (except for the actress who played Keichi’s mom Toshie Takada, who has done a ton of TV work since this film, and the voice actor who did the voice of Zannon, who did a ton of voice work) and you can tell why. To steal another line from Mystery Science Theater 3000 as my opinion of the filmmakers of this film, “They just didn’t care.”
 
And there, thankfully I am all caught up on Monster Crap and can go back to the monthly induction with May now being the next induction. And it just so happens to be the first of 5 inductions given to me by a good egg who donated to me Blood Freak, Gus Richlen. NegaSeth will be taking time off until November so we won’t have to deal with his ass for a while. The first of these movies is a movie from a guy who has been responsible for crap in the past, Ed Wood.