Here are the 25 choices....in as always alphabetical order.
Among The Shadows
We begin of course with a movie about the war of werewolves and vampires mostly told politically. This movie has some of the worst green screen I have seen this year, Lindsay Lohan is only like in 30% of the movie despite being the billed star, the acting is some of the worst, and in a odd-ball moment, we have a news graphic that talks about a scene that had not happened yet (seriously).
Artic Dogs
You really have to wonder how this animated movie that somehow made it to theaters got the actors like Jeremy Renner in it and yet somehow still cost $50 million dollars (a lot of which it didn't get back in the box office as it bombed). All I need to say is just look at the terrible animated characters in that poster and you know exactly why this is getting nominated.
Avengers Of Justice: Farce Wars
I know you have seen Wrestle Crap already induct this film thanks to having Shawn Michaels in it, but since it is a film released in 2019 and I was unlucky enough to see it, I might as well nominate it since in no huge surprise, it was one of the worst 10 films I saw this year. To whoever decided to make this low budget farce mixup of Star Wars and superhero movies, you do not have my thanks and I would love to know how the hell you got Amy Smart in this shit.
Black Christmas
Two or three years ago, I inducted the terrible 2006 remake that made me leave the theaters extremely pissed off that they could ruin a great film by the late Bob Clark. Well, from what I am hearing of this newer remake that Blumhouse is responsible for, I should send the 2006 remake a heartfelt apology because that 2006 remake was at least rated R and was not a movie that was basically a propaganda film to talk about the evils of men.
Cats
You knew this movie that was even completed with the effects when they released it, something so heinous that a week later, they had to legit promote the fact that they made the effects better. Anyone who knew this film when it was announced knew this was going to be a very tall order to make work in the movie theaters, and then the trailer hit and all hope for this film died with the horrible nightmare like effects of the people as cats. No matter how big of a cast you have and no matter how good of a director you got, if your movie is a mess like this, not many people will want to see it.
Child's Play
You all know that this is a remake since I have inducted the third film of the series in the past. However, what you may not know is that the studio behind this film...made a remake without any blessing from the original creators of the film because they wanted to milk some money out of a cult franchise since they only own the first three movies (there is 7 films now before this remake). They then basically only keep the doll's name of Chucky and throw everything in the trash. While this may be fun in a stupid way, it is still insulting to the people who made the original film.
Countdown
A movie where you find out the day you die on an app is a bad movie?? I'm shocked. From everything I have heard about this film, this is some of the stupidest reveal of the year as to what is behind this app. This Final Destination and One Missed Call mashup was somehow not dumped on a January or February and someone actually thought this was a perfect film to make money in October. And sadly, this one did make its budget back so the joke is on everyone who saw this film and was pissed coming out of it.
Doom: Annihilation
Remember the terrible movie based on the awesome video game that starred the Rock and Karl Urban? Well, this year....they made a reboot of the franchise and having seen it, it is worse that the Doom movie made with The Rock. Despite all the talk that they tried to make a film closer to the source material, they instead make what is basically a fan film that doesn't even succeed in giving the fans a lot of what they wanted from the original film because someone again decided this should be a zombie movie more than a movie with demons.
Gemini Man
A film that was in the works since the 90s is made now and despite the best efforts of Ang Lee and Will Smith, the movie is bad as Ang Lee sadly returns to the terrible big budget mode last seen when he made The Hulk. Will Smith vs. Will Smith may sound like a good idea.....in the late 90s, but Will has since not had the good run of box office magic and again, he bombs with this movie. This is a film that proves that good acting and state of the art effects, don't save a terrible story unless you are James Cameron.
Hellboy
In 2004 and 2008, Guillermo Del Toro made two fun movies out of a lesser known comic book character in Hellboy. But since the second one disappointed in the box office and because Del Toro wanted to make other movies before he would make a Hellboy 3, which would be after the expiration date for Lionsgate to keep the franchise by making a new film, so of course, we get into the old world of remake-land. While Rated R and the replacement for Ron Pearlman was fine, all you need to know is the movie also has Milla Jovovich (who has a real bad luck at being in bad movies) to know that this movie fails to be a worthy remake to Hellboy and thankfully bombed so there will be no sequel.
How High 2
Sadly, 2019 was really a year where Direct to TV (and later DVD) sequels of films that no one asked for were released by companies like MTV. Loved the Cheech and Chong aspect that Method Man and Redman had in a film about two potheads somehow getting into Harvard thanks to the weed they smoked having the ashes of a dead smart friend, well most of that is out the wayside and instead we have two rappers who not many people have heard of and a subplot about a company wanting to make a vaping option for marijuana.
Iron Sky: The Coming Race
In 2012, a strange yet fun film about Nazis being on the moon called Iron Sky was released. Well, 7 years later, we get a sequel that film that tries to repeat the magic of the first film and fails in almost every avenue. Although, if you wanted to see someone dropkick a T-Rex with Adolf Hitler riding it, you at least get that. Sadly a lot of the jokes are very dated and the movie very much drags to where the insane parts are just not worth it. This probably should have just stayed a 1 movie series, despite having the same director helming it.
Jacob's Ladder
2019 saw the release of the remake of Jacob's Ladder. And it doesn't get a damn bit of what made the original Jacob's Ladder work in the idea that the original film is like the biblical Jacob's Ladder, but done with a horror movie with modern ideas for the 80s. This remake just instead tries to just copy small things from the first film and make it modern, but heaven and hell are gone and instead we get a movie about the dangers of a drug that was made to help people with PTSD before it was taken off the market, but still is being distributed by the government because like MST3K said, "I'm the government. I'm the government. I'm the reason nothing works."
.png)
Men In Black: International
What happens when Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones aren't available and you try to replace them with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson (who worked well in Thor: Ragnarok) in a spin-off. Well, you have a film that also has a director and producers fighting with each other over what they want to shoot like it is 2014's Fantastic Four all over again. Even a decent supporting cast can't save this film from being a waste of time and a wish to not go back to the Men in Black again.
.png)
Pet Semetary
Because the It remake (which was ultimately It: Chapter 1) was a huge financial and critical success, other Steven King works also get talked about to be remade and one such film that was remake was Pet Semetary. While the original film is flawed, it was still enjoyable and had memorable moments. Unfortunately, that does not happen in the remake as almost everything except for the undead cat is somehow worse off. They even decided to change an important plot point of the book just because they wanted to be different, but even that doesn't work as all the adults are just so unlikable (including Jon Lithgow as Jud Crandell).
Playmobil: The Movie
Like The Emoji Movie, because the Lego Movie was a success, another animated movie is made with toys from our childhood in hopes of getting our nostalgia dollars for this "official film" of a lesser rival to Legos. Also, like The Emoji Movie, the final product is a complete mess that sadly ends up more cynical and less like people who really loved the toy they are making a movie about. And finally like the Emoji Movie, it bombed. If you want to make a movie to get nostalgia dollars out of our great memories with the toy, make a good movie and actually have some love for the toy you are making a movie out of.
Replicas
2019 didnt even need to wait two Fridays before we immediately got our first piece of crap for the year in this movie that talks about the horrors of cloning, even when cloning your own family that died just hours ago. Plot holes and unintentional laughs plague a movie where once again, we all have to thank god that Keanu Reeves has the John Wick series to fall back on because stuff like this could kill a lesser actor.
.png)
The Addams Family
The Addams Family was a great 30s comic strip, a 60s TV show, and a good 90s film. So let's re-open this franchise with an animated 2019 film. Unfortunately, the film doesnt do a good job with the past and the designs really are unsettling. Despite a good cast, a bad script will kill almost anything and that's what we get with this film. Although, we are getting a sequel to this since well, it did make money and that is what is most important to Hollywood.
The Curse of La Llorona
The Conjuring universe again gives us another piece of crap spinoff to a great Conjuring series. This time, we get a new horror character that was never in any of the other Conjuring films that is based of a Mexican tall tale. Like always with these spinoffs, they miss the Conjuring films having genuine good scares and instead give us crap CG and jump scares. Nobody seems to want to be in this movie and when you are watching this, you just have to ask yourself why I am watching if they dont want to act.
The Dead Don't Die
A zombie comedy with Bill Murray and Adam Driver would normally seem like a great idea. But sadly instead we get a film with the driest of humor and the most looking at the audience saying "Get It?" that you just hold your head in shame. In fact, I watched this film and felt as if I was being talked down to. There are better zombie comedies than this annoying piece of work.
The Influence
The next two films are with possessed kids. This is the foreign film that talks about a mother going home to take care of her dying mother, but that dying mother is a bit of a bitch and possesses the daughter to get revenge on her own daughter because she believes her daughter is responsible for her husband dying in a pure accident. What kills this movie is nobody is likable and you just don't care what happens, which is made even worse by them making the dumbest decisions out there. Spain, I know you can make better movies than this and Netflix, you should have never been the ones to stream this film.
The Prodigy
It is our other film with a kid getting possessed, although this time, the possessor is the ghost of a serial killer. What makes this film terrible? Well, the actors are good, but the film has a very boring atmosphere to it and the bullshit paths this movie goes makes me hate this film. I had issues keeping awake with this film and if this wins, I am seriously going to need several energy drinks inducting it. I could only imagine seeing this in theaters since yes, this had a theatrical release.
_theatrical_poster.png)
Uglydolls
This movie is extremely ugly with a villain acting like Hitler with this whole perfection doll plot or you end up in Uglyville. The only thing I can say is the cast at least can sing, but just because you can sing does not mean you can act and other than a few people, no one here can really act. Like Playmobile: The Movie, this is also basically an attempt to make a movie out of an existing toy and it suffers from a lot of the same issues. By the way, the man who directed this film also directed Gnomeo & Juliet so you know what you are dealing with.
Wonder Park
So many terrible animated movies this year. A movie about a imaginative girl who loses the drive for her imagination ends up in the world she had imagined when she was younger. It is oddly fitting that this film also has a bit of a troubled production since well, the director got fired for inappropriate and unwanted conduct most of the way through filming and the studio never even bothered to get someone else to have the directorial credit so this film that is basically just jiggly keys at you for its runtime while having dark ideas that it never really goes into seems like the perfect film to not have a "Directed by ???" in the credits.
.png)
X-Men: Dark Phoenix
And to finish off the 2019 GINO nominees, we have the last movie in the Fox X-Men series (until whenever New Mutants comes out) and with the production and delays on this one, they did not end on a bang. Re-shoots (including those of an entire third act), playing keep away with the release date so they could release something else instead, cast members who knew this was the end and didn't have their hearts in it, cast members who just wanted to get out as fast as they could, cast members directed as if they have any emotion whatsoever, horrible CGI, and the fact that it is basically a second attempt at a story they already told in X-Men: The Last Stand (and somehow done worse). This movie was destined to be a failure and it didn't disappoint on that front.
Voting ends January 11, at 12 AM ET
No comments:
Post a Comment