Monster Crap Inductee: Anacondas: Trail Of Blood (2009)

Monster Crap Inductee: Anacondas: Trail Of Blood

Snakes Need To Be Caged

2009

Well, it is time to do the sequel to Anaconda 3 which was asked for in the first place. Now I have a bit of a confession to make: while I did see the 3^rd Anaconda movie, I never really saw much of this film. I mean, I saw the ending and I saw who was in the cast for the most part, but that was it. So this is basically me watching this film for the second time (first time is a preview watch for this very induction). This also will be the end of the summer of TheDeadRises.

Now like has been previously mentioned, this movie is a SyFy Original and several people who still lived from the last movie are also in this movie too so not much to mention about them , other than this induction puts John Rhys-Davies in the rare 4 induction club alongside Uwe Boll and Seltzer & Friedberg (Frank Welker, Roger Corman, and Charles Band are the only people to be in the 5 club and Welker and Corman have 8 inductions, while Band has 11 inductions). But let’s talk about the newbies that weren’t in the previous film and there is one big one that is recognizable in Linden Ashby. You may ask who that is and to that, my answer is: Have You Seen The 1995 Mortal Kombat Movie?

He Was Johnny Cage

Other than the people in the previous Anaconda film, we also have a Monster Crap alumni in Emil Hostina

He Was Lenny The Drug/Organ Dealer In Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes

And with all of that said, let’s get to this film.

We begin this film at a cottage where Peter Reysner (from the last film) is doing experiments with the anaconda he stole and the blood orchid (which is more important in this film than the last one.

We Also See This Snake Again From The Last One So I Think It Was Actually Someone’s Pet And They Just Put It In Both Of These Movies.

We also hear Reysner’s narration about the latest serum surpassing expectations. He says the test subject has grown five times its size in days of the serum being introduced into its system. He then cuts a piece off of the snake and we see the piece starting to regenerate.

The side effect is aggressiveness that requires feeding it at a higher rate. And what happens to this regenerated piece?

Burnt

He leaves after doing this and we see that he has a giant anaconda in a cage.

Yeah, That Snake Is Escaping Rather Easily

We don’t see what happens to the other animals, but I assume it eats them. Reysner is heading to the shed and in narration we hear him accidentally call it the Black Orchid. I had to rewind it a few times, but he clearly says Black Orchid, which is not Blood Orchid (which is what he actually has). I have a feeling this happened after narration between actor Zoltan Butuc and director Don FauntLeRoy.

Zoltan: Oh no, guys…..I think I accidentally called it the Black Orchid. I think I am going to need to say it again.

Don: Are you kidding me? We would be losing more money. Just keep it in.

Zoltan: Are you sure you want to do that?

Don: Definitely, only some asshole nitpicker would give a shit if we say it wrong one time.

We see Reysner looking over his garden of Blood Orchids.

And he gets eaten.

Bye Zoltan….Hope It Was Worth That Brief Screen Time To Come Back For This One, But I Do Appreciate It Because Roles Getting Recasted Is Kind Of Annoying.

And Then We Get The Title Card

We see a car arrive to the mansion of rich guy Murdoch and we also see his assistant who tells Murdoch that he has a visitor.

He lets the visitor in and it’s a mercenary named Eugene.

Don’t You Dare Talk About That WWE Gimmick Eugene.

Murdoch has a job for him.

Do You Still Do Drugs For Human Body Parts Business Still, Mr. Eugene?

He actually tells the merc that he hasn’t heard from his employee Reysner in a while and he believes Reysner perfected the serum and has now found another employer so he needs Eugene to find the plants and serum and bring them to him. Oh, and kill Reysner. It is rather urgent as Murdoch says he has bone cancer and doesn’t have that long left to live. Murdoch also gives Eugene a picture of a woman who he believes has become a loose end and if he happens to run into her, to kill her.

Amanda Hayes From The Last Movie

In the Carpathian Mountains (so we’re not hiding anymore that this is in the US like the last film) a trekker named Alex is out trekking.

He also happened to park his vehicle near the cottage where Reysner was and has no interest to go inside so he is not working for Murdoch at all. He finds some bloody remains of something and senses that something is following him. He actually runs into Amanda who is accompanied by two officers (one is named Vasile). Alex said he saw something big and Amanda says he should stick with them.

Alex reveals that he is studying in a career in paleo pathology and people in town told him that there was a dig going on in these mountains. Amanda stops everyone and says that if the forest goes quite, there is a predator near so they better be on their guard. The then find animal remains.

Amanda says they are too exposed and they need to take cover. We then meet explorers in two cars.

In One Is Jackson And Wendy

And In The Other Is Roland, Heather, And Scott.

They are heading to the dig to join up with Team 1 who is already there (Roland’s brother Patrick is at the dig and seeing as they are played by the same actor, they are probably twins). They have to walk on foot the rest of the way as a giant tree is blocking the road.

Scott tells Jackson that he probably should head out ahead of them to meet with the rest of Team 1 as everyone else will follow shortly after getting their gear. Jackson takes him up on that offer. We go back to Amanda, Alex, Vasile, and some other guy with no name as there is an abandoned mine. Amanda has Vasile and the other guy stay outside while she and Alex investigate inside. Inside, they find the garden of Blood Orchids that had been hidden by Reysner. Amanda can’t believe he did this. They hear something, but after a few minutes keep going and we see that Amanda is placing C4 at the garden as she plans on blowing it up. Amanda explains that she is going to end all of this and they need to be in Alex’s jeep, but they are interrupted by screams by Vasile as the cop with no name gets killed.

Amanda and Alex run deeper in the mine with the anaconda following. Amanda separates from Alex and she runs into the anaconda. Amanda is going to need saving again and who should save her?

Actually No One….The Anaconda Pulls A Super Shredder And Gets Itself Caved In

Alex finds Amanda and tells her he has found a way out via a ladder and we get a continuity error. Alex climbs first and Amanda second, but a rung of the ladder breaks and Amanda is knocked out.

Alex Climbs Down And Actually Steps On The Broken Rung With No Problem Which Wouldn’t Happen If There Was A Broken Rung.

Alex checks on Amanda, but seeing as he has no expertise…he decides to leave in hopes of getting help. Oh, but Alex accidentally drops his keys which he won’t realize immediately.

Alex stops by a tree and hears the forest go quiet. He remembers Amanda’s words of “if a forest goes quiet, there is a predator near” and decides to go for cover. The cave in did not kill the anaconda as it goes out of the mine and goes elsewhere. We go back to Jackson who is looking for Team 1, but they all appear to be missing. He finds a severed leg and is concerned.

He avoids a crow by rolling and finds a dead body of one of the members of Team 1.

Jackson runs back to the rest of the group and tells them about Team 1 being well…dead. The group doesn’t believe him (thinking he fell for a prank) and it isn’t helped by the bodies being gone when the rest of the group shows up. As they are dealing with that, the mercenaries park nearby and see the explorers, but they are more focused on their targets so they just leave the explorers alone for now. Back to the explorers, Scott says they should all play it safe for tonight, just hang at the camp, and then tomorrow, they can look for Team 1 and any bodies that might have been moved.

We then go to Alex who gets to his vehicle, but he then realizes he lost the keys so he can’t go anywhere. He then remembers the cottage and he decides to see if anyone is there (even though we know nothing is there). He hears noises and decides that he is much safer in his car. That night with the explorers, we find out about a secret romance going on between Jackson and Heather.

They talk about how they’ll eventually reveal that they have been dating and the kissing is interrupted as Heather gets bitten by a spider. We never see the spider, but it is basically said that she got bit by a spider. When the sun comes up, we go to the mine and Amanda finally wakes up after again, being reminded of kills from the previous movie.

Including Those She Did Not See

Man, I Don’t Know How I Remember That One Kill Perfectly

Amanda finds the keys and wonders if Alex is okay. She goes back and sees that the caved in anaconda is no longer there which means it is still alive. She leaves the mine as we go back to the camp to find that the spider bite has gotten Heather sick.

I Actually Looked Poisonous Spiders In Romania And While We Never Figure Out Which Spider Did This, There Are Definitely Two Suspects.

The Southern Black Widow, Which Can Be Lethal…But Rarely Actually Kills Humans, But You Still Should Seek Immediate Attention

Or The More Likely Option Since Their Bites Are Not Really Lethal To Humans And They Are More Likely To Be Found Than The Southern Black Widow, The Romanian Tarantula (Which Isn’t Really A Tarantula And More Like A Wolf Spider, Although A Big One Of Them).

Scott has Jackson and Roland leave with him to go see if anyone is at the excavation site while Wendy stays behind to look after Heather, given Heather is not in a good state after the spider bite. But before that, they make a tiny incision on the back of Heather’s neck so the poison can be drained out.

After they have left, Heather goes out to get some water even though she should be staying in bed, but since Wendy isn’t around right now….you have to do what you have to do. Back with Jackson, Scott, and Roland, they find the excavation site.

And Some Dead Bodies As Well

Alex wakes up from sleeping in his vehicle and we also see Amanda running in the woods in hopes of catching up to Alex. Alex meets up with Amanda and the anaconda is chasing Alex. Amanda gets in the vehicle and tries to drive by shoot the snake, but she ends up crashing the car over a small bump.

Yep….That Small Bump Causes The Car To Flip On Its Side

Amanda escapes the car and joins Alex, who was in the cottage, but for some reason left to be with Amanda so now they are both being chased. Amanda’s gunshots are heard by Jackson, Scott, and Roland and they are definitely curious as to what is going on. Of course the mercenaries also hear that and look to see what is going on and they see two people running from a giant anaconda.

By The Way, This Anaconda Does None Of The New Things The Anaconda Did In The Last Film So No Skewering With The Tail Nor Any Spit That Makes You Blind. It's Almost As If This Movie Realized That Doing Shit An Anaconda Can't Do Is Stupid As Hell. 

Jackson, Scott, and Roland also show up and they see the same thing. Roland decides he is going to do something and that something is so stupid. Basically, he runs up to get in front of the anaconda so it will eat him. For no reason, he does this. This is not even a noble sacrifice, this is just being dumb.

The mercenaries see this and decide they will take a different route. Amanda and Alex join Jackson and Scott and then immediately splits them up so Jackson goes with Alex and Scott goes with Amanda. While Jackson is running, he accidentally drops his walkee talkee so now both Heather and Wendy won’t know what is going on. But Wendy and Heather have other issues as they find Paul who is really missing an arm.

He basically walks up to them and decides to pass out. They try to contact the others, but Jackson dropped the walkee talkee so no good. Amanda and Scott then separate as well. The mercenaries are about to try and kill Amanda, but with the snake behind her, that is a no go. One of the mercenaries slips and another mercenary jumps over him so what does the slipping mercenary do?

Shoot Him For No Reason

The slipping mercenary gets up and runs past the shot mercenary so the shot mercenary gets eaten.

Amanda and Scott run into each other again and Amanda tells Scott to bring her to his friends for assistance. The mercenaries find the walkee talkee though so they decide it is time to have a chat with the explorers. Jackson and Alex show up and the two women tell the two guys about Paul’s condition. Jackson tells Wendy to find the keys to the jeep so they can get out of there.

We then go back to Mr. Murdoch who gets a phone call from Eugene, who tells him about the giant snake. Eugene lies about having the serum and tells Murdoch his price for dealing with this has increased, which Murdoch is okay with and says he will meet them. Scott and Amanda show up and takes care of the injured Paul, who he has sedated. Amanda tries to tell Scott that they need to leave and Scott decides it is now time for him to demand answers from her. She basically says the snake is part of a serum and the men out there are there to get the serum while having no witnesses. Unfortunately, the mercenaries show up with their guns.

And They’ve Taken Jackson Hostage

Eugene then asks Amanda if she knows where the serum is, which Amanda does not know. He then asks her to tell him about Reysner. She says he is a scientist who captured the snake and she has been looking for him herself. Amanda admits that she was looking for Reysner to destroy everything that he has created. Eugene then tells Amanda that she is going to go get the serum for them so they don’t have to deal with the anaconda. She asks why she would do something like that and Eugene responds by killing Paul.

Wendy then tries to make a run for it and she is killed.

Jackson then swears he is going to kill Eugene the first chance he gets while having to be restrained. Eugene decides that since Scott stopped Jackson from going after him after all the threats he made (Eugene seemed to have wanted Jackson to try so he can kill him), that Scott is going to go with Amanda to find the serum. Eugene also tells them that he is sending two men to follow them so they don’t “get lost along the way”.

On the way, Amanda is asked about the research and she says it was about finding a cure for cancer and Alzheimer’s Disease. And to atone for what she did (everything that happened in the last movie), she wants to destroy the research. They arrive at the cottage and don’t find the serum there. Amanda thinks he hid it at the mine shaft so they will go there in the morning, but stay at the house while it is still dark.

Back at the camp, Jackson, Heather, and Alex are fed. Heather doesn’t want to eat, but Jackson says the first chance they get, they are escaping and she needs to be at full strength to do so. Back at the cottage, Scott finds one vial of the serum under the floor board while he and Amanda are alone. They decide to hide it from the mercs and talk about killing the snake. Amanda figures out that Reysner didn’t want Murdoch to get the bulk of it so he hid it elsewhere. One of the mercenary comes in and without thinking, Scott makes out with Amanda to fool him.

He leaves and they stop with Scott apologizing for doing it. She forgives him because it was a heat of the moment thing of trying to fool the mercs that they aren’t planning anything. Amanda says while anacondas do not have the best smelling nose, they will be able to smell this serum easily. One of the mercs decides to step out as he has to take a piss and apparently, this cottage does not have a bathroom.

He Gets Killed Obviously

The other merc starts shooting as both Amanda and Scott make a run for it out a window and they hide in the shed. Back at the camp, Alex asks Jackson what the plan is for them to get out of this and Jackson says he does not have one, but be ready to move when he does and if he doesn’t make it, he tells Alex to bring Heather with him.

It’s morning and its time for Amanda to have her PTS flashbacks about the deaths we saw in this film. Scott and Amanda have a shouting match and they accidentally find the little compartment can that had the rest of the serum vials.

Along With A Little Book Containing The Formula

Scott apologizes for his rage and she forgives him. They go out into the woods and the merc is also in the woods. He finds them and holds them at gunpoint. Amanda says she found the serum and Scott tells him to take it. They argue as a diversion for Scott to ultimately punch the merc and they both run. The anaconda shows up and this merc, knowing that there is no way he is going to escape, prepares to take the snake with him as he pulls the pin from two grenades so the beast can blow up with him. Unfortunately, the snake decides to pass on eating this merc so he just blows up.

After running a bit further from the snake, Scott determines that it is his time to die as he sacrifices himself so Amanda can get away.

Is It Just Me Or Is That Snake Not Completely On The Ground When It Is Killing Scott

Amanda runs to the overturned car from earlier, fines a gas can, puts some of the serum around it, and throws it at the snake who wants the serum. Amanda then fires at the cannister and it blows up the anaconda.

Murdoch finally arrives to meet with Eugene. Jackson comes in and asks for water because Heather is having convulsions (although he doesn’t seem to be in a real panic about it). Eugene says Jackson can come with him and Murdoch to get the water. They go into a tent and Vasile is waiting.

Murdoch reveals that he hired Vasile to take care of Amanda and get the serum, but Vasile has since found a new partner who will pay him twice as much for the serum. Murdoch tells Eugene to kill him, but it turns out Eugene is the new partner.

BETRAYAL!!!!!!

Vasile tells Eugene to shoot Murdoch, but Jackson goes through with his promise to kill Eugene for Wendy’s death by stabbing him with a pocket knife he had. In the commotion, Vasile is shot and killed accidentally by Eugene.

Jackson frees Heather and Alex and they attempt to escape. The last mercenary shows up, but Jackson tackles him, but that merc is able to shoot him in the shoulder. The merc is about to finish Jackson off, but he gets shot and killed by Amanda.

They try to leave, but Murdoch shows up with a machine gun.

He just wants the damn serum and they can go if they give it to him. They actually give him the serum and he actually is a man of his word as he lets them go. Murdoch injects the serum into his neck and it works.

I’ve Been Cured Of My Cancer!!!!! Hooray!!!!

Unfortunately, he did not find the cure to being eaten by an anaconda.

Sadly No Cure For That

Eugene wakes up as he is not dead yet and drives away in the vehicle Murdoch came in. We see Amanda go and set up the bombs to blow up all the remaining blood orchid flowers so no one else can have the cure to cancer or Alzheimer’s Disease. They drive off afterwards and she blows up the mind.

Welp….Amanda Just Basically Said Fuck You To Anyone Who Has Cancer Or Alzheimer’s Disease. She May Be A Real Villain For That.

The fallen tree is still there so everyone has to change vehicles. During this, Eugene is able to get on it and a fight ensues on a moving vehicle. Amanda is wounded, but both she and Jackson are eventually able to get Eugene out of the vehicle with a pin to one of his grenades pulled and some serum on him so the anaconda can eat him and explode.

They stop to look over the damage.

Yeah, That Snake Should Not Be Able To Regenerate That Much

They all leave and then we end the movie by finding out that somehow the anaconda was able to regenerate from all of that.

1. Bullshit

2. This Snake Will Never Be Brought Up In The Sequel Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda So This Sequel Tease Is Fucking Pointless

A few things on the aftermath, there was a sequel called Lake Placid vs. Anaconda to have to two series converge with each other even though the last Lake Placid film before this was called Lake Placid: The Final Chapter because we were in that period where low budget movies really liked having two franchises fight each other. Nobody from this movie was brought into that film and neither was the anaconda so I guess after this movie, this anaconda just died or something or just froze to death in the winters of Romania since it does get rather cold there.

As far as cast goes, there isn’t much. Linden Ashby (who played Jackson) was able to find a decent gig as Sheriff Noah Stillinski in the MTV Teen Drama series that is a remake of a comedy film in Teen Wolf.

Ana Ularu (who played Heather) went on to be in a NBC show called Emerald City where she was the former Wicked Witch Of The West named West.

Wasn’t That Great Of A Show And Only Lasted One Season With Ten Episodes

John Rhys-Davies (who played Murdoch) is still John Rhys-Davies and still works although nothing that huge. But the good news is no one has since passed away after being in this movie.

Now onto my final thoughts and yeah, I can see why TheDeadRises chose this movie to be inducted because it is really bad and has no reason for existing other than to finish out Part 3 and it doesn’t even 100% do that. None of the acting was all that great, even though both Linden Ashby and John Rhys-Davies do try. The effects are even worse than 3 and both the title and the small synopsis on the back on the DVD lie as they both hint at their being more than one anaconda when there is just one anaconda. And ultimately in the end, this movie tells everyone who has cancer and Alzheimer’s that we have the cure to save you, but fuck you…..because giant snakes are worse. Basically, this movie is pure crap, but only the kind that will just kill time.

So October is coming up and I decided that I needed to do a film from legendary B movie director Bert I. Gordon. I gave you a list of choices and you all chose….

You Made A Very Mediocre Choice, Daddy-O.