Monster
Crap Inductee: Gigantis, The Fire Monster
It’s Godzilla…..But They’ll Pretend It’s Not
1955/1959
It
is a great time to be a fan of Godzilla. Next year, the next film in the
Monsterverse is coming out with Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire with the
trailer just being released, we are several episodes into the Monsterverse
Apple TV series, Monarch: Legacy Of The Monsters, and Japan released their
newest Godzilla film in Godzilla: Minus One uncut in American theaters.
Which
I Saw At A Fan Event Screening And It Was Freaking Awesome
But
that last one was not always the case. In fact, it started out being the exact
opposite. Let me explain.
In 1954, director Ishiro Honda released a monster movie that was based off his experiences at Hiroshima after the atomic bomb dropping by the United States during World War 2. In this monster movie, he would show people the destruction that a creature awakened and mutated by the atomic bomb testings in Bikini Atoll that the Americans were still doing at that point (they stopped in 1958) could cause on Japan named Gojira. I think it is an understatement to say in Japan that it was a massive hit and would create a franchise for Toho Studios.
But
the film as it was would not hit the American markets. Immediately after the
film’s success, it’s American distribution rights were sold to Joseph Levine
and they felt that to appeal to the American audience, they would need to
re-edit it and have it add scenes with an actor known in the USA to play
newsman Steve Martin.
Comedian
Steve Martin Was Only 10-11 When This Film Came Out
And
what big name would they get for this movie.
Canadian
Actor Raymond Burr, Who Played The Antagonist In 1954’s Rear Window
And
so Godzilla King Of The Monsters was released in 1956 and it was a huge
freaking hit and probably the main reason why Godzilla is not just a Japanese
icon, but a world icon. Raymond Burr would end up being a bigger actor as well
with hit shows like Perry Mason and Ironside. And for most audiences, we would
not even see the actual version until 2006 when Classic Media would release it.
And while in my opinion, Gojira (the Japanese version) is the better version.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters is the reason why Godzilla is the massive
franchise it is so it is definitely worth existing in the annals of history.
At
the same time as the American version was released, Japan would actually
release a sequel to Gojira in Gojira no Gyakushi (Godzilla’s Counterattack) and
while not as big of a hit as Gojira, it did decently enough for them to
continue with the series. But that version is not what we are here to talk
about.
The
American rights to this film were sold to Harry Rybnick, Richard Kay, Edward
Barison, Paul Schreibman, and Edmund Goldman. However, instead of just dubbing
it and simply just putting one English speaking actor in it, they instead
wanted to make a whole new movie with a new American cast super imposed with
the monster footage and call the movie The Volcano Monsters (because the
monster Anguirus debuts in this movie as well). Also, they were going to make
them just dinosaurs and get rid of the atomic breath. Because the Americans
made the right move in Godzilla: King Of The Monsters, Toho was actually loving
this idea and actually gave them the monster suits for promotion.
But
that didn’t happen either (and thank fucking god that didn’t happen) because
the company they were going to do this under closed up shop and they couldn’t
do all of this themselves. So instead, they decided they would just dub the
film instead. But because for some reason, these people wanted this not to be a
Godzilla movie still so the film would now be called Gigantis, The Fire
Monster. Oh, you know this going to be a bad idea so let’s get to Gigantis The
Fire Monster.
We
begin with a hydrogen bomb blowing up.
And
A Narrator Will Tell Us This.
And
then we get stock footage and this narrator telling us that this was the dawn
of a new era where more dangerous bombs were introduced.
But
Thankfully None Were The Solaramite
Then
the narrator talks about the ideas of space travel for the future, but asks are
there not dangers on Earth that we do not know about. The narrator says this is
the story of the consequences of progress to a little nation of people.
You
Might Be Wondering Why This Says “Godzilla Raids Again” Or You May Already
Know. But In Case You Don’t, I Might Have To Spoil This Aftermath For You That
“Gigantis, The Fire Monster” Did Not Take With The American Audience Who
Probably Knew This Was Freaking Godzilla. When This Movie Was Released On Home
Video Decades Later, People Decided To Stop Bullshiting Us With Gigantis And
Call It “Godzilla Raids Again”. However, What They Didn’t Do Is Bother Changing
Anything Else About This Film. So Despite The Title Saying This Is Godzilla,
The Rest Of The Bullshit Will Continue With Gigantis Because The Producers Were
Too Fucking Lazy.
Now
we have a new narrator who will be the narrator for the rest of this movie. It
is of course our main character Shoichi Tsukioka who is a scouting pilot in
Kaiyo, Japan. He in fact works for the Kaiyo Cannery and scouts for schools of
fish.
He spots a big school of tuna and reports it to the operator and she has her partner Hidemi Inouye send Morse Code message afterwards to a nearby shipping vessel.
This
Is Hidemi Yamaji, Who Is Also Dating Shoichi And Is The Daughter Of Koehi
Yamaji, Manager Of The Plane Service
They
talk about their plans for tonight, which include dancing. We then meet another
pilot for the same company also scouting the ocean and his name is Koji
Kobayashi.
Unfortunately, Koji runs into some issues with his engine so he is going to have to make an emergency landing on Iwato Island. He reports all of this to his radio operator who is Yasuko.
Hidemi tells Shoichi of the issue and Shoichi says he will go and find Koji. Hidemi then goes and tells her father about Koji’s plane having to go down.
No
Idea Who The Guy Next To Him Is.
Shoichi
narrates that he is looking for the plane, but is having a hard time finding it
because of some clouds. He then finds Koji, who ditched his plane in shallow
water.
He eventually lands his plane and meets with his good friend. He also reports to the people on the other side of the radio that he found him as well, which gives everyone a huge sigh of relief. Koji apparently injured his wrist and Shoichi tells him that when he gets back, he might want to get the girls a present since it was they who radioed to Shoichi to save his friend’s ass. They make jokes about how hard it is to shop for women and suddenly they hear a roar. It is then that they see Gigantis.
In
A Sorry Attempt To Say This Isn’t Godzilla, Both Godzilla Here And The Other
Monster Make The Same Noise.
They
hide and eventually see Gigantis and another monster (which is Anguirus)
fighting.
You
Might Be Wondering How They Are Going To Explain How They Make The Same Noise.
Well, Just You Wait Because This Explanation Is A Doozy, But The Explanation
Doesn’t Happen Yet.
Both
monsters eventually fall into the sea.
Dammit….Now
You See What Happens When You Two Monsters Decide To Roughhouse Each Other
They
both run and decide to fly back on Shoichi’s plane. They then headed to Osaka
to report the news of two monsters. A meeting was hurriedly called afterwards
and one of the people there is Kyohei Yamane
They then explain that Gigantis and Anguirus are part of the same species called Fire Monsters. Yes, that is why they make the same noise in their roars.
I
Don’t Think There Is A More Perfect Time To Use The Godzilla Facepalm Then
Here. I Don’t Know How You Can Fail Science This Badly, But These Two Monsters
Cannot Possibly Of The Same Species.
Also,
apparently these monsters destroyed everything in their wake and just suddenly
disappeared. They ask Dr. Yamane how to destroy these monsters and he doesn’t
freaking know of any way to destroy them. He then shows of how they believed
these creatures were formed.
Mama?
Basically
everything at some point was wiped out because of radiation from the sun. They
show even more cheesy dinosaur footage and then revealed the first Anguirus.
This
Is Godzilla From The First Freaking Movie!!!!! Why The Hell Are You Calling It
Anguirus Or Gigantis???!!!! Do You Not Know Anything????!!!!
They
explained that they eventually were able to defeat the first Anguirus with the
help of Dr. Serizawa and the oxygen destroyer, but Serizawa burned all his
research and kills himself while killing the first Anguirus so no one could
ever use it again. Anyway, Dr. Yamane thinks they can get the monsters away
from the public with lights so they is the plan.
Later,
we see Shoichi and Hidemi talking about the worry that the monsters may attack.
Shoichi says they won’t attack because if they did attack, Osaka would be a
city of ruin by now. They wonder if there is anything anyone can do about this
now. Hidemi calls Shoichi brave and Shoichi says this line.
Shoichi:
Ah,
banana oil!!!!
You
might be wondering why the hell that was said because banana oil in the way it
was used makes no sense in the sentence makes no sense unless you use 1920s
slang like applesauce or horse feathers, meaning nonsense. Well, this was the
idea of the dub director because he wanted the word to match the lips of the
mouth and in the Japanese version, he said bakayaro, which means “You idiot” as
in “you just said something stupid”. It’s one of most known lines in this movie
with how stupid it is.
Anyway,
Shoichi says that it is banana oil for him to be called brave and Hidemi says
that sometimes he is. They then see some fighter planes fly overhead which
means the monsters may be near. Another radio announcer warns the military that
they need to head to base and report anything they see. In the war room, it is
said that news has spread and everyone has joined in the hunt to find the
monsters. They then get news that that pilot has just sighted Gigantis and he
is heading to Osaka.
We
then get newspaper headlines.
The submarines are even being pressed into service. Some people even prayed that the monsters would not attack.
Guys,
There Are Giant Monsters. They Are Eventually Going To Attack.
The
people at the cannery are listening on the radio and we find out that it is
feared that Gigantis will land on tomorrow morning yet they need to remain calm
and just obey all orders. Shoichi wants a crack at this monster, but Koehi says
what he is saying is insane. They make a joke about Koji being a scaredy cat
and we get another headline.
Osaka
Hopes So
Of
course because of this, people went out into the city to celebrate by dancing
and going to shows. Shoichi and Hidemi went to their favorite night club.
An alarm suddenly blares out and news is just reported that Gigantis is coming to Osaka and the attack is imminent.
This
Is Why You Make Damn Sure That Monster Has Passed Before Going Out
Oh
and the radio announcers asks people who just went out on the news’ assumption
that Gigantis would pass Osaka to remain calm.
Not
Freaking Happening
So
to prevent Gigantis from attacking the city, the authorities of Osaka institute
a city wide blackout. Planes were flying overhead and our narrator (Shoichi)
says that it is no different from war. All the tanks and missile launchers get
in position as Gigantis pops his head out of the water.
Marco???
The flares fly in the air as Gigantis just gives us a dumb look.
Duh…..Where
Da Rabbits?
Shoichi
and Hidemi are among those that are evacuated although they have a car.
Lucky
Bastards
It
seems that the flares may be working as Godzilla starts heading away from the
city. Meanwhile Hidemi goes to her father’s house while Shoichi goes with Koji
to see Hidemi’s dad. Meanwhile, some convicts decide that this blackout is the
perfect opportunity for them to try to escape during a prison transfer.
Tonight…There’s
Gonna Be A Jailbreak
Some
of them get captured, but three of them steal a truck that carries gasoline. The
cops get in the back of Koji and Shoichi’s truck (talk about the convenience of
them being there) and give chase. Another police car shows up and in their
panic, the criminals crash the truck. The truck (being one with gas) explodes.
Because of this fire that is created, Gigantis starts coming back.
Oooh…..Fire
Now
the military has to attack.
Gigantis even uses his atomic breath.
But shit gets even worse because Anguirus has decided to make an appearance.
I
Smelled A Fire
So
with both Gigantis and Anguirus in the same place, it is time for the first
ever Kaiju battle.
The humans can only watch as their best efforts to avoid a catastrophe are all for not. The monsters continue the fight
More
Like Watching A Man Playing With His Dog
Three
more criminals get killed in the subway when the water overtakes them.
Everyone hides in the shelter as the monsters continue the fight. But Anguirus finally gets killed by Gigantis.
And
The Dumbass American Producers Tried To Say In Japan, This Film Was Called
“Anguirus” And Not A Freaking Godzilla Movie
The
city is completely in fire as Gigantis finally decides to leave. We then see damage.
Even the cannery was not lucky to survive the destruction. But the boss of the Hokkaido branch Shingo and Hidemi’s dad both agree that they don’t plan to close down the cannery and will rebuild.
Koji then gets news that he is getting the job in the Hokkaido branch and right now, they are going to transfer everything to that branch. Also Shoichi will be going to that branch, but only temporarily. Hidemi however, will be staying in place as she will be needed here with the recovery.
We
then go to Hokkaido and see that it is a winter wonderland up there.
Koji is sent on his first scouting mission for the Hokkaido branch and the boat gets word that Koji spotted a big school of fish. They even wave when Koji passes them.
Koji then gets word that he need to head home and Hidemi and Shoichi have arrived in Hokkaido as well. Koji says he has someone for Shoichi and Hidemi to meet, but it is a secret. At a restaurant, they meet an old friend in Tajima, who just so happens to be a member of the Osaka Defense Corps.
Oh and they get to meet Shoichi’s former commanding officer, Captain Teresawa.
At this small party, we find out that Koji is going to be married as well. Koji confirms it, but refuses to show a photo of who is soon-to-be bride. Shingo shows up and reveals that the ship they had out fishing was sunk an hour ago by Gigantis so pilots of the Defense Corps. are sent out to find Gigantis and the newspaper headlines return.
It’s Godzilla…..But They’ll Pretend It’s Not
In 1954, director Ishiro Honda released a monster movie that was based off his experiences at Hiroshima after the atomic bomb dropping by the United States during World War 2. In this monster movie, he would show people the destruction that a creature awakened and mutated by the atomic bomb testings in Bikini Atoll that the Americans were still doing at that point (they stopped in 1958) could cause on Japan named Gojira. I think it is an understatement to say in Japan that it was a massive hit and would create a franchise for Toho Studios.
He spots a big school of tuna and reports it to the operator and she has her partner Hidemi Inouye send Morse Code message afterwards to a nearby shipping vessel.
Unfortunately, Koji runs into some issues with his engine so he is going to have to make an emergency landing on Iwato Island. He reports all of this to his radio operator who is Yasuko.
Hidemi tells Shoichi of the issue and Shoichi says he will go and find Koji. Hidemi then goes and tells her father about Koji’s plane having to go down.
He eventually lands his plane and meets with his good friend. He also reports to the people on the other side of the radio that he found him as well, which gives everyone a huge sigh of relief. Koji apparently injured his wrist and Shoichi tells him that when he gets back, he might want to get the girls a present since it was they who radioed to Shoichi to save his friend’s ass. They make jokes about how hard it is to shop for women and suddenly they hear a roar. It is then that they see Gigantis.
They then explain that Gigantis and Anguirus are part of the same species called Fire Monsters. Yes, that is why they make the same noise in their roars.
The submarines are even being pressed into service. Some people even prayed that the monsters would not attack.
An alarm suddenly blares out and news is just reported that Gigantis is coming to Osaka and the attack is imminent.
The flares fly in the air as Gigantis just gives us a dumb look.
Because of this fire that is created, Gigantis starts coming back.
Gigantis even uses his atomic breath.
But shit gets even worse because Anguirus has decided to make an appearance.
The humans can only watch as their best efforts to avoid a catastrophe are all for not. The monsters continue the fight
Everyone hides in the shelter as the monsters continue the fight. But Anguirus finally gets killed by Gigantis.
Even the cannery was not lucky to survive the destruction. But the boss of the Hokkaido branch Shingo and Hidemi’s dad both agree that they don’t plan to close down the cannery and will rebuild.
Koji then gets news that he is getting the job in the Hokkaido branch and right now, they are going to transfer everything to that branch. Also Shoichi will be going to that branch, but only temporarily. Hidemi however, will be staying in place as she will be needed here with the recovery.
Koji is sent on his first scouting mission for the Hokkaido branch and the boat gets word that Koji spotted a big school of fish. They even wave when Koji passes them.
Koji then gets word that he need to head home and Hidemi and Shoichi have arrived in Hokkaido as well. Koji says he has someone for Shoichi and Hidemi to meet, but it is a secret. At a restaurant, they meet an old friend in Tajima, who just so happens to be a member of the Osaka Defense Corps.
Oh and they get to meet Shoichi’s former commanding officer, Captain Teresawa.
At this small party, we find out that Koji is going to be married as well. Koji confirms it, but refuses to show a photo of who is soon-to-be bride. Shingo shows up and reveals that the ship they had out fishing was sunk an hour ago by Gigantis so pilots of the Defense Corps. are sent out to find Gigantis and the newspaper headlines return.
We even find out that even the United Nations wants to help.
Hidemi looks at the diary and there is a photo of the girl he plans on marrying.
Unfortunately, none of the bombs dropped are working. Koji then decides to fly around Gigantis one last time, but sadly, Gigantis kills him.
Shoichi (who was on Tajima’s plane) is saddened to see his best friend die, but he also notices something from this.
Back at the Hokkaido offices, Hidemi has to reveal the terrible news that Koji has died. Hidemi cries as she is saying this news.
She goes back to the radio and sets up the photos as she knows she will eventually have to reveal the news to Koji’s fiancée that the marriage won’t be happening now.
They then use their guns to blow up the oil cans.
NOT
AGAIN!!!!
Shoichi gets the final shot and Gigantis is now under a lot of ice.
And as they look at the sun. This movie mercifully ends.
So time for the aftermath and while I did spoil that this film didn’t go well, I didn’t say how badly it went. This film didn’t even get released on its own as it ended up being the second billed film in a double feature. The movie that was first on that double feature???
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