Monster Crap: Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979)

Monster Crap Inductee: Weasels Rip My Flesh
Probably The Cheapest Movie We Will Ever Induct On This Site

1979
 
Folks, I have been doing inductions for Monster Crap for a long ass time and for a while, you have gotten used to a certain formula of how I induct these films. That is going to change here because we are not dealing with a usual film by a studio with money maybe cutting corners to be cheap when they don’t have to or just intentionally making a bad film. We are instead dealing with a 16 year old kid from Long Island, New York named Nathan Schiff who had a dream to be a director. For his first time with a Super 8 sound camera, he would make a film with just $400 dollars and family, friends, and neighbors who he can call upon to act. Now why am I doing this to a kid (who is now an adult as he was 16 in 1979)? Well, I was asked to do this film and someone in 2004 decided to put this film as well as two other films by this youngster on DVD so it is very fair game in that sense.
 
This is the director’s first film after doing silent shorts. Also films that inspired this director for this film are your usual good films of the time and of course one film that I have obviously inducted onto this site already.
 

Yes….That Film Was Specifically Mentioned By The Director On His Commentary
 
Also the title is also thanks to a Frank Zappa’s band Mother Of All Inventions who released an album in 1970 called Weasels Ripped My Flesh.
 

So in breaking from the usual inductions format, I will now give you my final thoughts before I start looking at this film because of course I watch these films before I induct them. Those thoughts are that on an objective level, this is not a good film. But this is the type of film that we cannot grade like most films because if it wasn’t for someone who with permission from the director released this with two other films in 2004, this film would probably never be seen by me or anyone else. Imagine the kid from the 2022 movie The Fablemans getting one of his films that he made as a teen released to a mass audience years later. The problems on an objective level would be there, but with only the small budget he had….of course they would be there. So considering this film is only done on a $400 budget and you can’t really hire the best actors, it is okay.
 
In this induction, you will see very cheap effects and paper mâché monsters so let’s get to the film. And try to realize that I don’t do this film to be an asshole, but this one is out of love for someone who tried and made something out of very little.
 
And we start off with a long shot of a wooden area where they just linger on it.
 

Something You Can Compare To Manos: The Hands Of Fate, But Remember….Manos Had A Larger Budget ($19,000) Than This Movie. Yeah….Shocking, I Know.
 
In fact this scene and the narration were added in to pad out the film as when this film was originally done, the director found out much to his surprise that the film was still under an hour so this happened. The narration talks about how life kind of sucks and how with one mistake, the chain of terrible reactions comes about…..because today is Judgement Day.
 

Sorry….No Terminators Are Coming In This Film
 
Also if you knew what was to come this day, you might wish that you never had been born. And with that, we meet two girls who go to a place.
 

Stop Looking At The Camera, Miss!!!!!

 
They get killed by some guy with shaving cream on his hands who has a knife.
 

This random scene of violence that is never explained or brought up again would have been better explained if the two ladies acting in this scene just wanted to get this shit done with and move on to a party elsewhere. The tough part of having a $400 budget is that actors more rule on what happens than the director does (as they aren’t getting paid much) because they can decide not to do it and because that was already your budget, getting replacements is almost impossible to come by, especially when you are still in high school. So this scene is as it is.
 
And thus we come to the opening credits and opening title card.
 

An Effect Done By Taping A Black Piece Of Paper With The Words Cut Out For The Title Screen And Then Some Of Those Words Also Cut Out And Pasted (All Of Which Is On An Old TV)
 

Nathan Schiff Did Almost Everything On This Film From Besides All That Was Listed Here, He Shot The Movie, Edited The Movie, Did Sound For The Movie, And Created The Paper Mache Monsters. The Only Thing Nathan Schiff Did Not Do In This Movie Is Act.
 
So we get a cheaply made rocket shot, which was made and shot.
 

We see some goo go into the rocket as this stuff is from a rocket was an NASA rocket sent to receive samples from the ground of Venus.
 

The rocket then flies off back to earth.
 

Ah Yes….Having To Use Smoke And A Regular Lamp As Substitution For The Rocket Fire
 
We then see the stars of outer space.
 

Again…..$400 Budget
 
And the rocket goes off course and crashes into a lake on Long Island.
 

The contents of the rocket wash ashore and are discovered by two kids as they accidentally kicked a soccer ball into the water.
 

First Words Said That Were Not From The Narrator At The Beginning Is “Aw…Shit” From The Blonde Haired Kid
 
The older and black haired kid is actually the director’s brother. He tells the younger kid to go get it since he kicked it in the water. They lose the ball, but like I said, they come upon cannisters.
 

They wonder what is inside. Also, the younger kid gets bitten by something.
 

They find a hole which they believe the creature that bit the younger boy went into and decide that it is payback time. They open the cannisters via a brick. It should be mentioned that a sign on a container earlier said radioactive materials. But good news for these two kids (and the whole area of Long Island) is no Kaboom. 
 

Marvin Is Very Disappointed
 
Instead there is liquid in the canisters and the two revenge seeking kids pour the goo into the hole.
 

Inside the hole is what is supposed to be a weasel that gets very much contaminated by the yellow liquid that is from Venus.
 

The weasel then transforms into a monstrosity.
 

With the younger kid unable to ride the bike due to the bite, the older kid rides him to the street on the bitten kid’s bike. Unfortunately, the older kid forgot the lid so he has to go back. I say unfortunately as he forgot the lid so he has to go back to get it. I say unfortunate because he gets killed by the monstrous weasel.
 

Writing Your Brother To Be Killed Off…..Because Of Course You Would At That Age
 
The younger kid sees him dead and tries to run while limping. He is also killed.
 

The weasel then runs to the street, but loses its arm after getting run over by a car.
 

The driver (whose name is Fred) decides that he is going to put the arm into a bag and drive it home to investigate.
 

Yeah….I Never Said These People Were Smart
 
Fred calls Jake and asks him to come over to look at it. Jake arrives right away.
 

But just because the arm is off the creature doesn’t mean it is dead as it comes to life and attacks the leg of Jake.
 

Fred goes to the phone to call for help, but this monster has a very quick version of rabies that turns Jake rabid.
 

Jake attacks and kills Fred.
 

Afterwards, a rabid Jake cuts off Fred’s arm.
 

Jake then stumbles into the woods and lawn chairs are a minor annoyance so he pushes one away.
 

And Jake Is Never Seen Again.
 
A little girl walking her dog discovers the body of the kids.
 

Weasel Did A Good Number On Those Boys
 
We then get a news report about the bodies.
 

And it is at this point a bit over 26 minutes into an hour and one minute movie that we finally meet our main character Inspector Cameron, who is written to be a cool, Dirty Harry type cop. And how cool is he?
 

The Man Shaves And Smokes At The Same Time
 
Cameron gets a phone call and he answers while still smoking and having shaving cream on.
 

What Is It? Can’t You See I’m Shaving And Smoking At The Same Time! Heck, After I Get Done With This Phone Call, I’m Gonna Have To Clean The Shaving Cream Off This Phone!
 
Cameron then finishes shaving and puts his jacket on so he can pick up Detective Anderson.
 

Gotta Look Good For The Ladies.
 
We don’t ever see him pick up Anderson as the next scene is them arriving at the place where the bodies were found. We then finally see Anderson as he gets out of the car.
 

They look around and we find out this area is apparently the scene of 15 murders (yeah, this is a case where we are not shown all 15 murders and are just told, which is a huge problem in the world of cinema). Then then get a gun pointed at them by a mad scientist named Dr. Sendam.
 

Sendam takes Cameron’s gun and then throws away his own gun because I guess he liked Cameron’s gun more. He then forces them to go to his secret lab which can only be accessed via a hidden underground hatch.
 

Obviously Someone’s Basement Window On The Second Window
 
They go up the stairs to a living room.
 

Say…Nice “Underground Lair” You Have Here, Dr. Sendam
 
Sendam forces the two cops to sit down on the comfy couch.
 

Not The Comfy Couch!!!
 

Oh And If You Happen To See A Little Girl Clown Named Loonette, Pay Her No Mind. She Does Her Own Thing And I’m Just Merely Sharing The Place With Her.
 
Sendam reveals that he has captured the creature that has been killing people around here and shows them it.
 

Congratulations….You Just Showed Us A Gerbil
 
That gerbil is supposed to be the giant weasel. They are astonished by the giant weasel’s existence and Sendam reveals that the giant weasel has reproductive blood and he is going to use it to eventually become immortal himself so he can rule the world.
 

Dr. Vornoff Doesn’t Appreciate Your Use Of A Giant Weasel To Try And Rule The World. You Should At Least Use Atomic Supermen Or At Least A Giant Octopus
 
He then has then drink alcohol and he reveals that he made the spacecraft crash here instead of land back at NASA so he could use the samples. He says the weasel is a member of the rodent family, which it is not as it is actually part of the same family as otters, badgers, martens, and wolverines.
 

And They Look More Like This. Although There Is A Class Of Weasel That Could Have Done A Better Job Than That Gerbil.
 

Yes, A Ferret Could Have Been Used Over A Gerbil
 
We also find out that he has domes which each house an offspring of the giant weasel.
 

He reveals that the weasels blood is impure and rabid so he cant right now control the monsters so he needs their blood. We then find out is the alcohol is drugged and they pass out. Cameron is put into a separate room to be used later as Anderson is chained to a gurney as Sendam extracts blood from a part of the weasel and a random woman in another gurney who I guess has the weasel blood.
 

He then injects the blood into Anderson.
 

Cameron wakes up and of course he is not that well tied up as he is easily able to get out of his restraints. He grabs a knife and opens one of the domes to see an offspring.
 

Cameron chops the offspring in half
 

Don’t Worry….It Is Just Cooked Spaghetti
 
Cameron then grabs gasoline and starts pouring it on all the offspring.
 

He then sets all of them on fire.
 

Sendam puts a last entry into his audio logs as his experiments are now near its completion and after this last step, he will live forever. He then sees the fire and is mad so he grabs a rake.
 

Is He Going To Rake The Leaves In Anger??
 
Cameron gets his gun back, but Sendam gets him in the face with the rake. They fight with Cameron able to get the upper hand so the mad scientist makes a run for it. Cameron shoots him in the back.
 

Sendam runs to his lab, but there he is attacked by Anderson, who is a weasel man now.
 

At Least It’s Supposed To Be A Weasel Man, I Got Nothing

 
Sendam stabs the monster as he runs away.
 

Sendam grabs a gun as he is attacked by the escaped Giant Weasel.
 

Sendam loses his left arm, but he is able to escape. Cameron also escapes, but the giant weasel rises from the ground and attacks him.
 

Weasel Anderson makes the save.
 

The two fight (with Weasel Anderson getting the kill) as Cameron chases after a one armed Sendam. We then see the fire is destroying all the other weasel beasts.
 

Sendam runs to the water and has a face-off with Cameron, with Cameron telling him that a man like him has got to realize his limitations
 

Yeah, It’s An Obvious Rip Off Of A Dirty Harry Callahan Line From Magnum Force
 
Both shoot each other with Cameron getting actually wounded since Sendam must have taken the serum and is now unable to be killed with bullets. Now you might be wondering how Sendam dies. Well…as he is in the water,
 

A Shark Rips Off His Other Arm And With No Arms, Sendam Drowns. Yeah, No Regeneration Can Save Drowning.
 
You might be wondering how they are able to pay for a fake shark and the answer is….they didn’t. Before the crew shot scenes for the day, someone happened upon a fake plastic shark in the garbage and you know how the old saying goes, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. So they took the fake shark, made another fake arm, and you have the genesis of this scene.
 
And with Cameron looking on and limping away, wondering how he is going to explain this day, the movie ends.
 

Yep…This Is How The Movie Ends.
 
The high schoolers who initially watched this film back in 1979 actually liked it because it is one of their own making something very ambitious and if I was one of those high schoolers, I would probably like it too, but never need to see it again. Schiff would make two more feature films that would be released on DVD in 2004 with Long Island Cannibal Massacre (made in 1980) and They Don’t Cut Grass Anymore (made in 1985). Upon the DVD release of these three films, the late Wes Craven was quoted as saying that “Schiff knows Long Island the way Dante knew hell”. He made another movie called Vermillion Eyes, but that was NOT released on DVD and then made a short called Abracadaver, which won an award for Best Horror Short at the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival in 2008. That’s all I can gleam from Mr. Schiff.
 
As far as the rest of the cast and crew, they were just in his movies and not much else as I believe many of them had actual jobs. Unfortunately, we do have a person who passed away. Fred Borges (who played Dr. Sendam) would only live only a few months after this film was released on DVD as he died of a heart attack at the age of 43 in 2005.
 
To not end this on a downer, this film does show you that if you have a dream of making movies, then don’t let money be an issue and just freaking go for it because if a teenager with $400 and a sound super 8 camera can become a cult movie director decades later, then maybe something great can happen for you too.
 
Now onto my next induction and since it is time for the second movie Bob from the Monster Crap Pick’Em League picked for induction.
 

Time To Return To The World Of Ed Wood.