Monster
Crap Inductee: Weasels Rip My Flesh
Probably The Cheapest Movie We Will Ever Induct On This Site
1979
Folks,
I have been doing inductions for Monster Crap for a long ass time and for a
while, you have gotten used to a certain formula of how I induct these films.
That is going to change here because we are not dealing with a usual film by a
studio with money maybe cutting corners to be cheap when they don’t have to or
just intentionally making a bad film. We are instead dealing with a 16 year old
kid from Long Island, New York named Nathan Schiff who had a dream to be a
director. For his first time with a Super 8 sound camera, he would make a film
with just $400 dollars and family, friends, and neighbors who he can call upon
to act. Now why am I doing this to a kid (who is now an adult as he was 16 in
1979)? Well, I was asked to do this film and someone in 2004 decided to put
this film as well as two other films by this youngster on DVD so it is very
fair game in that sense.
This
is the director’s first film after doing silent shorts. Also films that
inspired this director for this film are your usual good films of the time and
of course one film that I have obviously inducted onto this site already.
Yes….That
Film Was Specifically Mentioned By The Director On His Commentary
Also
the title is also thanks to a Frank Zappa’s band Mother Of All Inventions who
released an album in 1970 called Weasels Ripped My Flesh.
So in breaking from the usual inductions format, I will now give you my final thoughts before I start looking at this film because of course I watch these films before I induct them. Those thoughts are that on an objective level, this is not a good film. But this is the type of film that we cannot grade like most films because if it wasn’t for someone who with permission from the director released this with two other films in 2004, this film would probably never be seen by me or anyone else. Imagine the kid from the 2022 movie The Fablemans getting one of his films that he made as a teen released to a mass audience years later. The problems on an objective level would be there, but with only the small budget he had….of course they would be there. So considering this film is only done on a $400 budget and you can’t really hire the best actors, it is okay.
In
this induction, you will see very cheap effects and paper mâché monsters so
let’s get to the film. And try to realize that I don’t do this film to be an
asshole, but this one is out of love for someone who tried and made something
out of very little.
And
we start off with a long shot of a wooden area where they just linger on it.
Something
You Can Compare To Manos: The Hands Of Fate, But Remember….Manos Had A Larger
Budget ($19,000) Than This Movie. Yeah….Shocking, I Know.
In
fact this scene and the narration were added in to pad out the film as when
this film was originally done, the director found out much to his surprise that
the film was still under an hour so this happened. The narration talks about
how life kind of sucks and how with one mistake, the chain of terrible
reactions comes about…..because today is Judgement Day.
Sorry….No
Terminators Are Coming In This Film
Also
if you knew what was to come this day, you might wish that you never had been
born. And with that, we meet two girls who go to a place.
Stop Looking At The Camera, Miss!!!!!
They
get killed by some guy with shaving cream on his hands who has a knife.
This random scene of violence that is never explained or brought up again would have been better explained if the two ladies acting in this scene just wanted to get this shit done with and move on to a party elsewhere. The tough part of having a $400 budget is that actors more rule on what happens than the director does (as they aren’t getting paid much) because they can decide not to do it and because that was already your budget, getting replacements is almost impossible to come by, especially when you are still in high school. So this scene is as it is.
And
thus we come to the opening credits and opening title card.
An
Effect Done By Taping A Black Piece Of Paper With The Words Cut Out For The
Title Screen And Then Some Of Those Words Also Cut Out And Pasted (All Of Which
Is On An Old TV)
Nathan
Schiff Did Almost Everything On This Film From Besides All That Was Listed
Here, He Shot The Movie, Edited The Movie, Did Sound For The Movie, And Created
The Paper Mache Monsters. The Only Thing Nathan Schiff Did Not Do In This Movie
Is Act.
So
we get a cheaply made rocket shot, which was made and shot.
We see some goo go into the rocket as this stuff is from a rocket was an NASA rocket sent to receive samples from the ground of Venus.
The rocket then flies off back to earth.
Ah
Yes….Having To Use Smoke And A Regular Lamp As Substitution For The Rocket Fire
We
then see the stars of outer space.
Again…..$400
Budget
And
the rocket goes off course and crashes into a lake on Long Island.
The contents of the rocket wash ashore and are discovered by two kids as they accidentally kicked a soccer ball into the water.
First
Words Said That Were Not From The Narrator At The Beginning Is “Aw…Shit” From
The Blonde Haired Kid
The
older and black haired kid is actually the director’s brother. He tells the
younger kid to go get it since he kicked it in the water. They lose the ball,
but like I said, they come upon cannisters.
They wonder what is inside. Also, the younger kid gets bitten by something.
They find a hole which they believe the creature that bit the younger boy went into and decide that it is payback time. They open the cannisters via a brick. It should be mentioned that a sign on a container earlier said radioactive materials. But good news for these two kids (and the whole area of Long Island) is no Kaboom.
Marvin
Is Very Disappointed
Instead
there is liquid in the canisters and the two revenge seeking kids pour the goo
into the hole.
Inside the hole is what is supposed to be a weasel that gets very much contaminated by the yellow liquid that is from Venus.
The weasel then transforms into a monstrosity.
With the younger kid unable to ride the bike due to the bite, the older kid rides him to the street on the bitten kid’s bike. Unfortunately, the older kid forgot the lid so he has to go back. I say unfortunately as he forgot the lid so he has to go back to get it. I say unfortunate because he gets killed by the monstrous weasel.
Writing
Your Brother To Be Killed Off…..Because Of Course You Would At That Age
The
younger kid sees him dead and tries to run while limping. He is also killed.
The weasel then runs to the street, but loses its arm after getting run over by a car.
The driver (whose name is Fred) decides that he is going to put the arm into a bag and drive it home to investigate.
Yeah….I
Never Said These People Were Smart
Fred
calls Jake and asks him to come over to look at it. Jake arrives right away.
But just because the arm is off the creature doesn’t mean it is dead as it comes to life and attacks the leg of Jake.
Fred goes to the phone to call for help, but this monster has a very quick version of rabies that turns Jake rabid.
Jake attacks and kills Fred.
Afterwards, a rabid Jake cuts off Fred’s arm.
Jake then stumbles into the woods and lawn chairs are a minor annoyance so he pushes one away.
And
Jake Is Never Seen Again.
A
little girl walking her dog discovers the body of the kids.
Weasel
Did A Good Number On Those Boys
We
then get a news report about the bodies.
And it is at this point a bit over 26 minutes into an hour and one minute movie that we finally meet our main character Inspector Cameron, who is written to be a cool, Dirty Harry type cop. And how cool is he?
The
Man Shaves And Smokes At The Same Time
Cameron
gets a phone call and he answers while still smoking and having shaving cream
on.
What
Is It? Can’t You See I’m Shaving And Smoking At The Same Time! Heck, After I
Get Done With This Phone Call, I’m Gonna Have To Clean The Shaving Cream Off
This Phone!
Cameron
then finishes shaving and puts his jacket on so he can pick up Detective
Anderson.
Gotta
Look Good For The Ladies.
We
don’t ever see him pick up Anderson as the next scene is them arriving at the
place where the bodies were found. We then finally see Anderson as he gets out
of the car.
They look around and we find out this area is apparently the scene of 15 murders (yeah, this is a case where we are not shown all 15 murders and are just told, which is a huge problem in the world of cinema). Then then get a gun pointed at them by a mad scientist named Dr. Sendam.
Sendam takes Cameron’s gun and then throws away his own gun because I guess he liked Cameron’s gun more. He then forces them to go to his secret lab which can only be accessed via a hidden underground hatch.
Obviously
Someone’s Basement Window On The Second Window
They
go up the stairs to a living room.
Say…Nice
“Underground Lair” You Have Here, Dr. Sendam
Sendam
forces the two cops to sit down on the comfy couch.
Not
The Comfy Couch!!!
Oh
And If You Happen To See A Little Girl Clown Named Loonette, Pay Her No Mind.
She Does Her Own Thing And I’m Just Merely Sharing The Place With Her.
Sendam
reveals that he has captured the creature that has been killing people around
here and shows them it.
Congratulations….You
Just Showed Us A Gerbil
That
gerbil is supposed to be the giant weasel. They are astonished by the giant
weasel’s existence and Sendam reveals that the giant weasel has reproductive
blood and he is going to use it to eventually become immortal himself so he can
rule the world.
Dr.
Vornoff Doesn’t Appreciate Your Use Of A Giant Weasel To Try And Rule The
World. You Should At Least Use Atomic Supermen Or At Least A Giant Octopus
He
then has then drink alcohol and he reveals that he made the spacecraft crash
here instead of land back at NASA so he could use the samples. He says the
weasel is a member of the rodent family, which it is not as it is actually part
of the same family as otters, badgers, martens, and wolverines.
And
They Look More Like This. Although There Is A Class Of Weasel That Could Have
Done A Better Job Than That Gerbil.
Yes,
A Ferret Could Have Been Used Over A Gerbil
We
also find out that he has domes which each house an offspring of the giant
weasel.
He reveals that the weasels blood is impure and rabid so he cant right now control the monsters so he needs their blood. We then find out is the alcohol is drugged and they pass out. Cameron is put into a separate room to be used later as Anderson is chained to a gurney as Sendam extracts blood from a part of the weasel and a random woman in another gurney who I guess has the weasel blood.
He then injects the blood into Anderson.
Cameron wakes up and of course he is not that well tied up as he is easily able to get out of his restraints. He grabs a knife and opens one of the domes to see an offspring.
Cameron chops the offspring in half
Don’t
Worry….It Is Just Cooked Spaghetti
Cameron
then grabs gasoline and starts pouring it on all the offspring.
He then sets all of them on fire.
Sendam puts a last entry into his audio logs as his experiments are now near its completion and after this last step, he will live forever. He then sees the fire and is mad so he grabs a rake.
Is
He Going To Rake The Leaves In Anger??
Cameron
gets his gun back, but Sendam gets him in the face with the rake. They fight
with Cameron able to get the upper hand so the mad scientist makes a run for
it. Cameron shoots him in the back.
Sendam runs to his lab, but there he is attacked by Anderson, who is a weasel man now.
Probably The Cheapest Movie We Will Ever Induct On This Site
So in breaking from the usual inductions format, I will now give you my final thoughts before I start looking at this film because of course I watch these films before I induct them. Those thoughts are that on an objective level, this is not a good film. But this is the type of film that we cannot grade like most films because if it wasn’t for someone who with permission from the director released this with two other films in 2004, this film would probably never be seen by me or anyone else. Imagine the kid from the 2022 movie The Fablemans getting one of his films that he made as a teen released to a mass audience years later. The problems on an objective level would be there, but with only the small budget he had….of course they would be there. So considering this film is only done on a $400 budget and you can’t really hire the best actors, it is okay.
This random scene of violence that is never explained or brought up again would have been better explained if the two ladies acting in this scene just wanted to get this shit done with and move on to a party elsewhere. The tough part of having a $400 budget is that actors more rule on what happens than the director does (as they aren’t getting paid much) because they can decide not to do it and because that was already your budget, getting replacements is almost impossible to come by, especially when you are still in high school. So this scene is as it is.
We see some goo go into the rocket as this stuff is from a rocket was an NASA rocket sent to receive samples from the ground of Venus.
The rocket then flies off back to earth.
The contents of the rocket wash ashore and are discovered by two kids as they accidentally kicked a soccer ball into the water.
They wonder what is inside. Also, the younger kid gets bitten by something.
They find a hole which they believe the creature that bit the younger boy went into and decide that it is payback time. They open the cannisters via a brick. It should be mentioned that a sign on a container earlier said radioactive materials. But good news for these two kids (and the whole area of Long Island) is no Kaboom.
Inside the hole is what is supposed to be a weasel that gets very much contaminated by the yellow liquid that is from Venus.
The weasel then transforms into a monstrosity.
With the younger kid unable to ride the bike due to the bite, the older kid rides him to the street on the bitten kid’s bike. Unfortunately, the older kid forgot the lid so he has to go back. I say unfortunately as he forgot the lid so he has to go back to get it. I say unfortunate because he gets killed by the monstrous weasel.
The weasel then runs to the street, but loses its arm after getting run over by a car.
The driver (whose name is Fred) decides that he is going to put the arm into a bag and drive it home to investigate.
But just because the arm is off the creature doesn’t mean it is dead as it comes to life and attacks the leg of Jake.
Fred goes to the phone to call for help, but this monster has a very quick version of rabies that turns Jake rabid.
Jake attacks and kills Fred.
Afterwards, a rabid Jake cuts off Fred’s arm.
Jake then stumbles into the woods and lawn chairs are a minor annoyance so he pushes one away.
And it is at this point a bit over 26 minutes into an hour and one minute movie that we finally meet our main character Inspector Cameron, who is written to be a cool, Dirty Harry type cop. And how cool is he?
They look around and we find out this area is apparently the scene of 15 murders (yeah, this is a case where we are not shown all 15 murders and are just told, which is a huge problem in the world of cinema). Then then get a gun pointed at them by a mad scientist named Dr. Sendam.
Sendam takes Cameron’s gun and then throws away his own gun because I guess he liked Cameron’s gun more. He then forces them to go to his secret lab which can only be accessed via a hidden underground hatch.
He reveals that the weasels blood is impure and rabid so he cant right now control the monsters so he needs their blood. We then find out is the alcohol is drugged and they pass out. Cameron is put into a separate room to be used later as Anderson is chained to a gurney as Sendam extracts blood from a part of the weasel and a random woman in another gurney who I guess has the weasel blood.
He then injects the blood into Anderson.
Cameron wakes up and of course he is not that well tied up as he is easily able to get out of his restraints. He grabs a knife and opens one of the domes to see an offspring.
Cameron chops the offspring in half
He then sets all of them on fire.
Sendam puts a last entry into his audio logs as his experiments are now near its completion and after this last step, he will live forever. He then sees the fire and is mad so he grabs a rake.
Sendam runs to his lab, but there he is attacked by Anderson, who is a weasel man now.
At
Least It’s Supposed To Be A Weasel Man, I Got Nothing
Sendam grabs a gun as he is attacked by the escaped Giant Weasel.
Sendam loses his left arm, but he is able to escape. Cameron also escapes, but the giant weasel rises from the ground and attacks him.
Weasel Anderson makes the save.
The two fight (with Weasel Anderson getting the kill) as Cameron chases after a one armed Sendam. We then see the fire is destroying all the other weasel beasts.
Sendam runs to the water and has a face-off with Cameron, with Cameron telling him that a man like him has got to realize his limitations
