Monster
Crap Inductee: Studio 666
Never
Trust Record Producers Or Cancelled People With Booking Your Rental
2022
GINO Award Winner
So
this is the movie you picked for me to induct? Okay…I guess we’ll see where
this goes. But first, let’s talk about the Foo Fighters.
Lead
singer Dave Grohl was originally the drummer for the hit band Nirvana.
They
were the main band leading the grunge era of rock. Unfortunately, in 1994, Kurt
Cobain (Nirvana’s lead singer) decided to kill himself with a shotgun. With the
lead singer gone, the band was basically done and the surviving bandmates went
on to do other things. Dave Grohl wanted to do lots of music jobs, all the
while anonymously releasing music as “Foo Fighters”, a World War 2 name for
UFOs. Also Dave chose it because it was the stupidest name he could think of.
However, the demos actually gained interest so now Dave had to form a band to
go as the Foo Fighters. He did just that and they became a huge hit, despite
some members leaving so we have the lineup of Dave Grohl as lead vocals and
guitar, Nate Mendel as bass guitar, Pat Smear also at guitar, Taylor Hawkins at
drums, Rami Jeffee at keys, and Chris Shiflet also at guitar (never have enough
guitars).
Around
the tenth album Medicine To Midnight, Dave and the rest of the band wanted to
do something differently and since Dave was a bit of a horror fan and of
course, bands sometimes want to do a movie involving them (Kiss did it with
Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park; The Beatles did it a few times with A Hard
Day’s Night, Help!, and Magical Mystery Tour; and Tenacious D obviously did the
Pick Of Destiny), so they basically said “fuck it, let’s make a secret horror
movie.”
For
the crew besides the band, they would hire mostly music video director BJ
McDonnell as the director, and filling out the cast with decent actors like Leslie
Grossman, Whitney Cummings, Jeff Garlin, and Will Forte; young up and comers
like Jenna Ortega (we’ll talk about what happened with her in the aftermath);
and cameos from Lionel Richie, Kerry King, and John Carpenter. We also have
some Monster Crap alumni with Marti Matulis who was a Sleestak in that terrible
Land Of The Lost film starring Will Ferrell.
They
wanted to release this movie finished in 2020 close to the release of the
album, but 2020 happened and while music was being released, movies…..were just
being delayed for the most part. So they would have to wait to finish this in
2021 and release it in 2022. Hopefully no more bullshit happens.
But
unfortunately, bullshit did happen as before this film even came out, Jeff
Garlin was an asshole behind the scenes of the hit TV show The Goldbergs and
following an investigation into these misconduct allegations, he was kicked off
of the show despite being the show’s biggest name on the normal cast. So with
all that BS out of the way, let’s get to the film you chose to be the 2022 GINO
Award Winner.
We
begin with…
Universal…..My
Arch-Nemesis
We
begin in Encino, in 1993.
No,
Brendan Frasier Will Not Be Showing Up In This Movie
A
lady is crawling on the ground in pain from a broken leg and in hysterics as
well.
This
is Skye Willow, drummer for the metal band Dream Willow and she is trying to
get away from the lead singer Greg Nole, who just so happened to kill the rest
of the band.
Unfortunately,
she is about to die via being bludgeoned by a claw hammer.
To Be Fair, She Was Just Waiting For The Hammer To Fall
Then
we get the opening credits and the title card
Also
As The Opening Credits Go, We See Headlines About The Band Being Massacred
We
go to LA in present day.
We
are in the offices of Consolidated Consumer where we meet the Foo Fighters band
meeting with record label management.
From
Left To Right: Chris Shiflet, Rami Jaffee, Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate
Mendel, and Pat Smear.
We
also meet the head of the record label in Jeremy Shill
Shill
is not happy that the Foo Fighters have not delivered him a new album yet as
apparently, Dave has some writing block and needs something to get him to get
his creative juices flowing. Basically Shill is in debt as he owes money to
“some crazy mother fuckers” and they may have been the ones who sliced up that
journalist in Turkey.
Yeah,
I Don’t Know If Bringing Up The Real Life International Incident That Was The
Death Of Jamal Khashoggi For Your Movie Is In Good Taste.
Dave
and the rest of the band want to do something special and different for this
tenth album (which was already released by the time of this movie) and they
need a cool place to do it like when Led Zeppelin went to that castle and made
an album about wizards and dragons.
If
You Are Wondering, The Album They Are Talking About Is Houses Of The Holy
Shill
says if they want this to happen, he will make it happen. He calls Barb Weems,
tells her the situation, and asks if she is thinking what he is thinking, which
she is. She says she will forward them the address later, but the place they
will be going is a place to die for. The Foo Fighters high five with Grohl
saying that “Jeremy Has Fucking Spoken”
Hopefully,
Jeremy Has Spoken Without A Gun
The
Foo Fighters are immediately taken to the place and we meet Barb Weems
She
shows them the place and it is the same mansion as where the band massacre took
place.
Also
Really The Real Mansion Where Foo Fighters Recorded Their Tenth Studio Album
“Medicine To Midnight”
As
they are touring the place, Dave Grohl gets some vibes of death and doom from
the place, which Pat agrees with. Barb then decides that she needs to tell them
that another band was here and they never finished their album due to “creative
differences”. Dave doesn’t know until he claps and likes the sound he hears
back. As he does this, we also see that the last band’s lead singer hanged
himself after killing the other members.
Dave
says that they will take the place and while Barb goes and gets the paperwork,
Dave tells his fellow band members that the sound of this house is the sound of
album 10. We then get a montage of them and fellow roadies setting up the
instruments.
The
Roadies Are Of Course Led By Krug, Who May Know A Thing Or Two About Some
Slaying (He’s Played By The Co-Lead Guitarist Of Slayer)
Of
course, since Dave obviously knows how to play drums, he starts doing a drum
set.
Outside,
the Foo Fighters have a meeting and admit that Shill is a dick, but they gotta
go all out for this tenth album. Dave wants them to move into the place so they
can record the album without any distractions. The rest of the band are
hesitant, but ultimately agree to move in. But before the agree, we have some
jokes like the fact that Chris may have gotten it on with Rami’s grandmother at
a Channukah party, which Rami tells Chris to stay away from her.
Dave
goes to the master bedroom to listen to some music and sees a strange
caretaker.
He
tries to talk to him, but the caretaker walks away and just disappears. Inside,
Krug and gets electrocuted to death when they hook in some wires.
That's What I Call Shocking The (Road) Monkey
Krug
is sent to a morgue, but one mere death is not gonna stop Dave from the sound
that he wants for the Foo Fighters’ tenth album and he is able to convince the
rest of the band to stay as well. At a barbecue, they make jokes about the
weird caretaker and Dave sees Krug’s head in the grill talking to him.
In The Burning Head...I'm About To Haunt
Dave
freaks out and explains he thought he saw Krug’s head in the grill, but it
isn’t there anymore. Dave says that ever since they moved into this place, the
sound in his head is all weird.
Dave:
Sometimes
It’s Like Prince And Then It’s Like Slayer. Then It’s Like Lawrence Welk.
Yeah,
That Last One Is Just Freaking Weird For The Sound Of Your Head To Be Like
The
sound of shears freaks out Dave, who thinks it is the creepy caretaker, but it
is actually their neighbor Samantha.
She
introduces herself and tells the bandmembers she is next door if they need
anything.
Of
Course, Rami Really Seems To Have The Hots For Her
Dave
starts playing some riffs to the band members that he is thinking of putting on
the new album, but they are all riffs of stuff that they already did (“All My
Life” and “Ever Long”). Rami tries to get him to meditate to see if that helps,
but Dave says “Fuck Meditating.” Chris decides that he is going to step out so
Dave can get some space and the rest of the band (besides Dave) agrees with
him. Dave does some more drum sets to see if that will get some ideas in his
head, but that doesn’t work. He tries writing some song lyrics, but that
doesn’t work. He even tries guitar riffs, but that also doesn’t work.
Dave
then has a dream where he is doing piano and playing Lionel Richie’s “Hello”.
Hey,
There Is A Disco Ball
Lionel
Richie then shows up and tells him that is his "fucking song”.
Dave
is still asleep when a shadowy figure enters his room.
Oh,
It’s A Demonic Krug
That
is of course a nightmare too. Dave turns on the light and then turns it off and
another shadowy figure is there.
This
One Harder To Know Who It Is
Oh…They're Freaking Demons And They Are Ripping Out Dave’s Organs
And
that was also a nightmare.
Can
Someone Stop Ripping Off Inception, Please?
Dave
decides that he is hungry so he orders some wings.
Hi
Will Forte As The Delivery Man
The
delivery man goes to the mansion and is about to knock, but the door just opens
and Dave Grohl is just sitting there with his guitar just looking at him.
The
delivery man cannot believe that he is delivering food to Dave Grohl as he is a
Foo Fighters fan as well. Dave says he isn’t Dave Grohl as Dave Grohl can write
music. The delivery guy says the Foo Fighters are his second favorite band next
to Coldplay. Dave says he asked for extra ranch and the delivery guy is about
to go and get it, but Dave just tells him he will just use the Marinara and
closes the door on the delivery guy.
While
eating, Dave looks at a YouTube guy who gives advice to songwriters who have
“songwriting constipation”. Dave starts to do what the YouTube guy says, but
there is a drip sound which Dave thinks is coming from the sink and is angry
because he thinks he is the only one who cares that there is an actual drought
in California. But it is not coming from the sink so Dave goes to look at where
the drip sound is coming from, all the while shadowy figures are stalking him.
Dave goes outside and finds that the dripping sound is coming from a creepy
dark basement that is separate from the rest of the mansion.
The
basement is filled with cobwebs which Dave removes as he goes deeper into it.
After Dave turns on the lights, Dave finds the corpse of a dissected raccoon.
Raccacoonie,
No…..
Dave
then sees that the raccoon bleeding is what is causing the dripping sound. Dave
then sees the sheers which means the creepy caretaker guy must have killed the
raccoon and done this. Dave goes to leave, but he hears someone calling out for
him. The voice is coming from a table that has been covered up with a tarp so
he removes it to see…
An
Old Tape Recorder
Dave
finds an old audio reel and plays it. Dave likes the music that it is playing
and thinks this might be what was missing from the album. But suddenly it stops
playing and this upsets Dave who didn’t really get to put that sound on record.
Suddenly, the recorder starts playing the tape backwards and strange stuff like
bleeding lightbulbs and demonic voices occur. Suddenly, the demonic forces push
Dave back and then decide to possess him.
With
Dave now being possessed, he leaves the basement. Dave then runs into Pat, who
is eating some Doritos. Dave says there is a dead raccoon in the basement and
leaves, knocking over Pat’s bag of Doritos.
And
It’s The Cool Ranch Kind Too. The Fiend!!!!!
The
next day, Dave plays the new sound he heard last night and says this is what
the new album should sound like. The other band members really like this sound
and Dave says it may be a double or triple album.
Medicine
To Midnight Was Just One Album
Dave
then says that they must do an L Sharp for the song. Dave starts getting angry
when the band doesn’t get the sound exactly right and leaves, but not before
Samantha shows up with some lemon bars.
Dave
wants her to go away since he detests her for some reason. But Rami lets her in
as he finds her hot. Dave says now isn’t a good time as they are working on the
music. Samantha senses something is up and asks Dave if he is okay. Samantha
then gets Rami alone and tells him about the house in that there is something
evil here. When Dave keeps looking at her, she decides it is time to leave.
Rami is upset as he thinks Dave is cock blocking him and they both extend
middle fingers at each other.
Three
weeks later, Dave is still tinkering with the song to the point that the song
is now 23 minutes long. He also has issues with Taylor’s drumming for this
song. That night, Dave cuts a piece of string from a red yarn ball and then
wakes up the other band members as he has an idea, except for Pat as he cannot
find him. He does find him though sleeping in the kitchen with rolls of paper
towels being his pillows.
Weird….
Pat
says that the kitchen counter is the most comfortable place he could find and
that is why he is sleeping there. Dave then shows what he has made with a board
of wood, nails, and some string.
The
rest of the band wants to do this in the morning, but Dave is insistent they do
it tonight so he doesn’t lose the idea he had. Pat says no, which pisses Dave
off to accost him and the other band members have to get Dave off him.
Dave
Then Roars At Him
Pat
ultimately relents and they do the song. The next day, Pat talks to the other
band members and complains about Dave going freaking insane. After several
members agree, Chris says they should just work with Dave so they can get out
of here quicker. Dave then comes out and apologizes for what happened last
night. Then Pat asks which one of them gave Dave a hummer (and not the vehicle
kind) and they all think Rami did it. Dave then says that if they finish this
song tonight, they will be out by Sunday so they are okay with getting this
song done since it is pretty epic. They even now have an ending to the song.
They
then record the song with John Carpenter being one of the recorders.
John
And His Son (Along With Daniel A. Davies (Son Of Dave Davies Of The Kinks)) Did The Theme To The Opening Credits
They
finish the song and it is a 30 minute freaking instrumental, which is freaking
impressive. The recording producer and the guy who was there earlier when Krug
got killed leave as Dave thinks they got this album done. While Dave is looking
over the song, Taylor asks if Dave wants to do some grill action and Dave just
says no, but he ordered a lot of steaks so they guy should be here with them.
And
It Is The Same Guy Doing The Delivery
The
delivery guy decides that he is going to leave a demo from his band with them
in hopes Dave likes this and gets them a record deal. He delivers the food, but
hears a sound and starts to investigate. Suddenly, the demonic forces show up
and the delivery guy gets killed with the sheers.
I
See Someone Saw The Burning
As
he screams, his head gets cut off.
Aww...No Need To Play Those Head Games
The
body is then hidden. The band finally gets the food and Dave thinks that he
freaked the guy out so he must have just delivered them and then left. Dave
then sees a small container of ranch and says…
Dave: You can never have enough ranch.
The
band then eats the food and Taylor asks what is left for the band to do here.
Dave then talks about the song being longer than 38 minutes which the rest of
the band is uneasy about. They all are also weirded out as it seems Dave is
eating his steak raw and he likes how juicy it is.
The
next day, Barb arrives and she sees a mess.
She
looks further and thinks she sees a dead body.
But
they just say its ketchup and that is Pat just sleeping on the floor. Barb
wonders about this concept album, which Pat is surprised she knows about. She
says that Dave and Shill have been talking about it and are excited and we also
find out that everyone else is upstairs asleep. She also says Samantha is a
train wreck so they better be careful of her. We also see that Samantha left a
message in in the plate of lemon bars that talks about a sacrifice.
When
Pat wonders about this, Barb gets weirded out so Pat decides to say it was
nothing. Dave shows up and says that the album is almost complete as it will be
finished tonight. Foo Fighters do some more rocking sessions, but Dave stops it
and says the ending needs something more. The rest of the band wants this to be
over, especially Taylor who has blisters on his hands. Chris decides that he is
done and is leaving as he goes to grill some food. While grilling, Chris is
grabbed and has his head forced on the burning grill.
I Guess He Is Burning For You
He
then has the top slammed on him and stabbed in the back.
A
few more times with the stabs and Chris is dead.
And
Possessed Dave Who Committed The Murder....On The Deck....With A Knife...And The Grill
Taylor
wants to leave, but Nate convinces him to stay as Chris is just blowing off some
steam. Rami thinks Dave needs one of those magnet bracelets as his energy is
way off. They hear Pat scream and they look to see that Pat found the dead body
of the delivery driver.
Dave
comes out and sees the body, saying “Holy shit”. Dave also finds the demo that
the delivery man was going to leave him. Rami using some “spiritual mumbo
jumbo” believes that he has been dead for 28 hours. Taylor wants to call the
cops, but Dave is against that as he is more concerned with finishing the album.
They eventually agree to call tomorrow about this and Dave now wants all
cellphones as well as the keys to the van so there is no way to leave until
tomorrow. They give it up and continue the album.
Dave
continues to shred on his guitar. They also all realize that Chris is gone, but
go finish the album anyway. While Dave is eating, the rest of the band decide
to try and investigate as to why Dave has gone insane. Pat also reveals the
message left under the lemon bars that says “The Sacrifice Feeds The Book”.
They go to ask Samantha and she explains that this house is not just a creepy
rock & roll house. Apparently, this is a nexus that allows spiritual
energies to cross into our world. She also reveals to them that this was the
same house where the Dream Widow massacre happened. She reveals that she was
very close with Greg Knoll, the lead singer who committed the atrocities. Oh
and he had a book with living flesh.
Yeah, I've Seen Enough Evil Dead To Know That’s The Necronomicon
The
book was apparently rumored to hold the secret incantations of Aleister Crowley
Soon, Greg became obsessed with a song from the book called Lacrimus dei Ebrius
aka The Tears of God. He believed that perfecting this song would open an
eternal portal and the spirit inside him would become a demonic passage into
our world.
She
says that somehow, the good won out in Greg and he stopped it by hanging
himself. But now the spirit that possessed him has found a new instrument in
Dave Grohl and wants to complete the song. They run as soon as they see Dave
and find demented dolls hanging on the trees.
They
eventually decide that they need to find the book and turn to a passage call
Van Houten’s protocol (which before anyone thinks of Leslie Van Houten of the
Charles Manson Family, it was actually named after one of the writer’s cousin).
Apparently, that will close the portal and send this demon back to hell. Rami
is worried about Samantha and she tells him to stay back and make sure she is
safe. Nate and Pat have to find the book while Taylor goes and keep Dave
occupied with his drum track.
That
night, Nate and Pat sneak inside the house to get their phones back while Rami
and Samantha….
Yeah….They
Decide To Have Sex With Each Other
But
as they are doing the nasty, someone is hiding under the bed.
It’s
Dave And He Has A Chainsaw To Make Sure The Horny Owl Does Not Show Up Here
Goodbye, Rami And Samantha
Pat
and Nate sneak into the basement and they find the book under the drain that
was below the crucified and dissected raccoon. They also find that the raccoon
isn’t entirely dead.
A
shadow demon appears and the two get the hell out of there. They hide and find
the page for exorcisms. Inside, Taylor talks to Dave and Dave says he can hear
the ending and all they need to do is lay down the drums. Taylor says they
should maybe do some guitar with Chris and Dave says Chris is done so Taylor
needs to warm up. Taylor begins his drum set, but Dave wants him to do better.
Yep…Totally
Getting JK Simmons From Whiplash Vibes Here
Taylor
wants to wait for Nate and Pat, but Dave says they don’t need them since you
know, they aren’t drummers at all like Dave and Taylor. Taylor says under his
breath that he isn’t Dave and Dave asks what he said. Taylor says he said
nothing and Dave with his demonic teeth tells Taylor to “just play the fucking
track”. Taylor then does the drum bit with Dave saying “Yeah” and “That’s It”.
Taylor then says he finished the fucking song, which Dave is happy about and
then Dave throws a cymbal at Taylor’s head, splitting his skull.
Freddie...I Mean, Taylor’s
Dead.
Pat
and Nate find the Van Houten Protocol, but there are warnings to look for signs
like digestive shutdown.
Yep….Dave
Has That
Ability
to levitate objects or defy gravity.
Dave
Has That
Incessant
masturbation.
Okay….While
We Don’t See It, We Know From The Sounds That Dave Does That Too
Ingestion
of raw meat or human flesh.
Definitely
That One
They
definitely know Dave is possessed and Nate says they need to go save his ass.
They then see Dave putting body parts in the wood chipper.
Dave
sees and chases them. They go into the house and while avoiding demons, try to
lock Dave out of the house. They then leave the house and go to the pool, which
somehow they try to make holy water with incantations. Dave says that won’t
work because they don’t know what they are doing. Nate reads the incantation
and the water starts to boil.
Dave
tries to jump at them, but the book emits a lightning bolt that stops Dave and
puts him in the water.
Sadly. He Could Not Ride The Lightning
With
all that done, they drop the book and get Dave (seemingly no longer possessed)
out of the water.
Well, Dave Was A Holy (Water) Diver
Pat
tells Dave he has some bad news, but Dave interrupts and says they cannot
finish that song because if it is done, they will let out the demon is stuck in
that house. Dave then does some projectile puking.
But
that puke starts transforming and turns into Greg Knoll.
Demonic
Greg says he will kill them like the rest of their pathetic band. Dave then
tackles Greg and punches him a lot until the ghosts of the rest of the Dream
Willow band show up.
Skye
uses levitation of the book to grab it.
She
then pours Greg’s blood into the book which causes Greg to eject the demons out
of his body.
Sky
telepathically says “Thank You” before Greg explodes.
The
band is now gone and all that is left is the book. Dave, Pat, and Nate go to
leave and leave the book behind. Pat and Nate go to grab the van as Dave is
left to rest for a little bit. But a light appears.
Meanwhile,
Pat and Nate are at the van and after realizing they gave Dave the keys, Pat
goes underneath the car to hot wire it.
Back
with Dave, we see the light was a car and inside the car are Jeremy Shill and
Barb Weems in robes.
Oh
They Were In On This Whole Demonic Shit The Whole Time
Jeremy
tells Barb to see if anyone is left and Shill reveals that the devil rules all
of rock & roll. Shill then tells Dave that rock & roll hasn’t been
relevant in a long time (I would like to personally disagree with that, but
whatever) and it needs an infusion of new blood for the devil to make rock
& roll relevant again. Jeremy asks if Dave finished the song and Dave says
he hasn’t and it is complicated to explain. Jeremy is upset as he has been
waiting 20 years to finish that song and he needed someone to handle all that
evil. Dave then yells at him and calls him just a money grubbing manager.
Jeremy then goes after Dave and they fight in a game of who can kick who harder
in the nuts.
As
Pat is still hotwiring the car, Nate sees Barb coming (although he doesn’t know
it is her). They fumble with getting it working, but when they do, something
stabs Nate in the eye.
A
blinded Nate then starts the car in reverse and he ends up running over Pat,
killing him.
The Wheels On The Van Go Through His Head, Through His Head
Nate
also hits Barb with the car.
Nate
gets out of the car and is upset that Pat is dead. He then checks to see if he
killed Barb, but Barb is still alive and impales Nate’s head with a dagger.
Then
Barb dies. Dave is strangling Shill and says that he killed the band for him.
Shill then laughs as he knows that Dave did finish the song if the band is
dead. Dave realizes what he has done while Shill continues laughing.
He Is The Judas In His Mind
Shill
says it is now time for Dave’s solo career.
One
year later, we go to a dressing room as we hear roaring fans outside and the
stage hand tells Dave that everything is ready.
Jimmi
Simpson Of Westworld, House Of Cards, And It’s Always Sunny In
Philadelphia….What Are You Doing Here???
We
then see that Dave is fully possessed as he is ready to do the concert for his
solo career.
And
that is how the movie ends.
The
movie was finally released and while no one knows how much the movie cost since
it was a secret movie, but the movie made $3 million. The critical reception
was mixed with the movie right now being at 56% on Rotten Tomatoes. A lot of
the criticism involves the fact that other than Dave (who has a small bit of
acting), the rest of the band cannot act to save their lives.
But
we do have a big name to come out of this movie in Jenna Ortega (who played
Skye Willow) for you see, if you want to talk about who had an awesome single
year, Jenny had that in 2022. After this movie, she was in Scream (aka Scream
V), X, and her biggest role in a Netflix TV series Wednesday.
And
That Well Known Dance Scene
Unfortunately,
someone sadly did pass away and I think you all know who it was. Taylor Hawkins
(who played himself as the drummer of Foo Fighters) died in his hotel room in
Columbia in March while the band was on tour in South America. His death has
not yet been disclosed, but there were ten substances in his system. The Foo
Fighters did two tribute concerts (one in London, and the other in Inglewood)
and just now are booking festivals for the band without Taylor. It was a sad
situation and it kind of makes things awkward doing this induction that I only
felt a few times in previous inductions where someone died the same year as
when I do the induction.
Now
for my final thoughts on this movie and I will admit that it is ultimately not
a good movie. However, I really don’t agree with this being the worst movie
involving a monster of 2022. While yes, the rest of the band besides Dave are
not good actors and I have never been a fan of Whitney Cummings, I do
appreciate the gore and the music and I can see that the band was having a ton
of fun making this movie, which is infectious to the viewer.
Now
for the next induction.
I’m……BACK!!!!!!!
Dear
lord, why???
Oh,
you know you missed me.
Don’t
pretend like you’ve been gone long. I saw you in freaking November, dammit.
True…but
you should be happy that I am having fun and as you just said the crew having fun
in your last movie, it's infectious.
Not
when it involves hurting me. Just get to the next movie.
Sure,
I guess… Anyway, next movie is a movie directed by the late Albert Pyun and it
is also a movie where someone decided a supermodel should be an actress. It
also was riffed by Mystery Science Theater 3000, but as always these days, you
can’t use the riffed version.
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