Monster Crap Inductee: Ghost Rider (2007)

Monster Crap Inductee: Ghost Rider

Ghost Riders In The Sty

2007

Let’s talk about Nicolas Cage.

Born as a nephew to acclaimed director Francis Ford Coppola, Nicolas Coppola seemed to be born for the destiny of acting. However, you know going out there with the last name Coppola could get you wrong criticized for only having a career due to nepotism so because of that and thanks to inspirations of Marvel superhero Luke Cage and famous composer John Cage, Nicolas Coppola changed his name to Nicolas Cage.

As soon as he did that and since looking up whether this guy was a relative of a famous director was not as easy as it is today, Nicolas Cage was able to get plenty of roles due to his “out there” style of acting and was able to get an Academy Award for Best Actor for 1995’s Leaving Las Vegas. Nicolas Cage has gone on since then to have many roles both on theatrical releases and on movies that went straight to DVD (he had money issues thanks to a bad accountant) and with the upcoming much anticipated movie The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent, this seems like a perfect time to talk about Nic Cage’s foray into comic book movies with Ghost Rider.

You see, despite being a high profile actor, Nic Cage is also known for having certain hobbies like being a huge Elvis Presley fan and having some Elvis memorabilia.

Which Would Get Really Weird When For A Brief Time, He Was Married To Elvis’ Daughter Lisa Marie Presley.

Another well-known Nic Cage hobby (and one you should have guessed with Luke Cage) was that Nic Cage was a huge fan of comic books. In fact, in the 90s, Nic Cage was actually going to be Superman in a movie called Superman Lives, that infamously got cancelled.

Don’t Worry, Nicolas Cage Would Eventually Be Superman In 2018 When He Voiced The Character In Teen Titans: Go To The Movies, And That Same Year, He Would Get To Voice Spider-Man Noir In Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. So Not Bad.

But of course this is 2007 and Nicolas Cage was just dying to be a superhero and in that year, he would get that very chance when Columbia Pictures called and asked him to be Johnny Blaze aka Ghost Rider in their movie. And considering Nicolas Cage also has a Ghost Rider tattoo that the movie decided to cover up (don’t ask why), this was a dream job for him.

So let’s talk a bit about this movie before we actually start talk about what happens in the movie. You see, this was before Marvel saw how badly their properties were being done in theaters for the most part and decided to make their own Marvel Studios to make Marvel movies so they had to basically license Marvel properties off to movie studios and just hope to god they didn’t screw things up (which sadly they mostly did because of the old Hollywood arrogance that they know more about what makes these characters work than the people who actually made them or the fans who actually follow them).

So yeah with Nic Cage in as Johnny Blaze, you need a supporting cast and crew to help make this movie a hit and for two spots (and a third with a young Donal Logue), they knew what they were doing as since the Marvel villain Mephisto (Marvel’s version of the devil) is all over the lore of Ghost Rider.

They needed a huge actor to play such a role and heck, just for shits and giggles, let’s have that actor know a bit about motorcycles since Ghost Rider rides a motorcycle. Now who could check off that huge thing on our list.

Why Of Course, Peter Fonda, Son Of Henry Fonda And Star Of The Classic Easy Rider.

And hell, let’s get another actor to play Ghost Rider’s mentor (sort of) who knows how to play a rough and tough rider (of a horse in this case). Oh, and he also must be the narrator. Now who can fill that need?

Why Sam Elliott, Get In Here. And They Will Forget About The Fact That You Were In A Previous Monster Crap Induction With Frogs.

Hey, I Said They Would. I Never Said I Would Forget That.

But this being Hollywood egos, let’s make some dumbass moves to show “we know better than you”. For director, let’s hire Mark Steven Johnson for the role. It’s not like he already fucked up on a Marvel movie.

Oh Wait….

Then for our female love interest, let’s hire an actress who has a pretty face and body and act like they are the same age even though she is actually ten years younger.

And That’s What They Did When They Hired Eva Mendes.

And finally, let’s hire our main villain. No, we can’t have the devil be our main villain. We need someone else. Someone who is good looking in Hollywood’s eyes, but also looks rather creepy at times. I got it, let’s hire Wes Bentley.

I Mean He Was Creepy In American Beauty So Why Can’t He Be Creepy Here.

I was expecting at this point to name some other member of the cast that somehow has been in a Monster Crap movie that I have inducted before, but besides Sam Elliott, no one else has been in Monster Crap beforehand so a whole lot of fresh meat as Freddy Krueger would say. Now let’s get into the induction.

We begin with narration from Sam Elliott about how the West was built on legends and this is the legend of the Ghost Rider.

Story goes that every generation has one, a damned soul that is cursed to ride the Earth to collect on the devil’s deals. Many years ago, one Ghost Rider was sent to collect the thousand evil souls from a doomed town in San Venganza (which literally means Saint Vengeance) for the devil. However, that contract was so powerful that the Ghost Rider knew he could never let the devil get his hands on it so he literally outran the devil.

And The Devil Never Bothered To Chase Him For Some Reason

Sam then ended it by saying that sometimes those legends are true. Then we ride into the credits and the opening title card.

I Guess I Should Also Mention That This Is The Extended Cut And Unlike With Jennifer’s Body, I Do Not Know Which Scenes Were Cut From The Theatrical Version.

We then go to a carnival where we meet Barton Blaze and his son Johnny.

Johnny shows off and nearly crashes which upsets his dad. We also see that Johnny has a girlfriend that his dad thinks the girlfriend is only there for the good times, and won’t be there for the bad.

Her Name Is Roxanne Sampson.

Dad also thinks Johnny (who he calls Hot Shot) is making bad choices and yet smokes cigarettes like they are nothing despite all the coughing. He thinks Johnny isn’t man enough to ride his bike named Grace and Johnny just goes out to talk to Roxanne. Johnny etches J & R Forever on a tree as Roxanne reveals some bad news that her dad is sending Roxanne to live with her mother since her dad thinks that Johnny is no good for her and is just a phase. Johnny and Roxanne immediately make a plan to run away together tomorrow.

That night, Johnny comes home to his sleeping father and finds some mail in the trash that says that Barton Blaze has an aggressive form of lung cancer that will kill him. Johnny goes back to the carnival (which is closed for the night) to fix his bike and do some thinking. But of course no sooner does he start then a certain individual comes by with lights bursting every time he passes them. He even looks at a devil being illustrated on the tunnel of love ride and says “Far Out”.

Meet Mephistopheles AKA The Devil And You Just Know Damn Well (Knowing Peter Fonda) That The “Far Out” Line Was Ad-Libbed

Yeah, they always call him the devil or Mephistopheles, but never Mephisto. It’s weird as this is a Marvel movie and yet this movie goes out of its way to not call a character by his comic book name and of course we know Mephistopheles was a demon in Faust, but was not the devil.

Damn Bit Of Cool Imagery Here Though

Anyway, the devil here talks about Johnny’s dad having lung cancer and that it will slowly and painfully kill him, yet he can remove the cancer with a deal for Johnny’s soul. Johnny of course signs it with a bit of blood from a prick to the finger, with the devil saying that will do just fine.

Devil: Let’s Make An “Easy Rider” Remake

Johnny: Why? The Original Is A Classic. All We Will Do Is Just Make A Poor Imitation.

Devil: I Know, Johnny…But We Will Make A Lot Of Money From These Suckers. Can’t Back Out Now Since I Have Your Soul.

Johnny: Noooooooooooo!!!!!!

Of course that doesn’t happen and instead we go to the next day where Barton tells Johnny that by some miracle, the cancer that was in his lungs disappeared. Yeah, this is also Barton’s way of explaining he had cancer to Johnny and he wants Johnny to take over for him eventually. Barton also talks about an awesome stunt idea he had and that instead of cars or the ring of fire, they jump over a helicopter, a stunt that will get them over the top.

Johnny has other ideas and reveals he plans to run away with Roxanne. Barton sighs at the idea, but tells Johnny that he will need Grace to get across county line before her old man sends the cops after them and lets Johnny have his motorcycle. Barton then goes to do the ring of fire stunt with Johnny’s bike and unfortunately Barton gets burned in an accident and dies.

Johnny is sad and pissed when he finds the devil. The devil explains that he only agreed to get rid of the cancer and that his dad was in the way so he had to die. Johnny tries to punch the devil, but the devil teleports behind him. He tells Johnny that there will be a day that he will call upon him to take the mantle of the Ghost Rider and he will be forced to answer. But until then he says he will be watching Johnny very closely.

He Does This As He Takes Johnny’s Soul And Gives Him The Dormant Ghost Rider Powers

Johnny is upset as it rains. He goes to where Roxanne is waiting for him under the tree they made their vow yesterday. He looks at her, remembers what the devil just did to the last person who the devil thought would come between Johnny and him, and rides away, leaving Roxanne sad.

I’m going to say something that I’m not sure many will agree with me on, but this origins part of this film is great and well-acted by everyone involved, especially so for Barton Blaze (which this was kind of a make good for the actor from the director since the actor also auditioned to be Matt Murdock’s dad and was passed on for someone else). They also gave a very good pick for a young Nicolas Cage as we move to the present and now Nicholas Cage is now Johnny Blaze and is doing insane stunts Marvel’s version of Evel Knievel, carrying on his dad’s legacy.

Johnny tries to jump a bunch of trucks and is mostly successful…until he lands not a 100% on the landing ramp and takes a nasty spill.

Hey, But Like Evel Knievel Did, Johnny Survived This Accident, Although This Time We Know Johnny Lived Because The Devil Hasn’t Had Need Of Him Yet And Will Keep Him Alive Until He Does.

As Johnny’s crew checks on him, including a young Donal Logue as Mack,

He Was Also An Instance Of A Director Making Up For Passing On An Actor In A Previous Film As He Auditioned To Be Foggy Nelson In Daredevil. Yeah, The Director Basically Decided At Points In This Film That He Was Going To Hiring So People He Regretted Passing Over On A Previous Movie. Sometimes In Hollywood, That Stuff Happens.

Anyway, Johnny asks if the bike is okay and they say it is before giving Johnny his shades.

Johnny gets up and the crowd is happy he is okay. A reporter tries to get a word from Johnny about what happened out there, but Mack says that Johnny doesn’t do interviews. As they ride in a charter tour bus to their next show, Mack and Johnny make some small talk with Mack worrying about Johnny doing these insane stunts. Johnny also eats jelly beans out of a martini glass instead of alcohol as alcohol gives him nightmares.

There Are Several Weird Moments That Sound Like Something Nicolas Cage Would Do Just To Humor Himself, The Crew, The Audience, Or More Than One Choice.

Mack watches stunts, but Johnny wants to go back to the Discovery Channel to watch a documentary on howler monkeys.

Johnny Being Upset That He Doesn’t Get To See The Howler Monkey Documentary Is Another Nicolas Cage Moment.

Mack also has a fun response to Johnny Blaze saying he is lucky.

Mack: I Got A Hunting Dog Named Lucky. He’s Got One Eye And No Nuts. Luck Don’t Cover It, JB.

Mack tells Johnny he has an angel looking out for him before playing cards with the rest of the crew. Johnny then says it may be something else looking after him as we get a cool lightning shot.

Nearby (but away from the crew and Johnny), we get hellfire rain as out from the shadows comes a demon named Blackheart.

There is a biker bar that Blackheart goes to. There he kills the head biker who is outside.

Little Bit Of Backstory Here With Wes Bentley. Wes Bentley Would Later Admit That He Had A Huge Addiction To Cocaine And Heroin So He Only Accepted Movie Roles So He Could Have Enough Money To Buy Drugs. So When People Say That He Acts Like He Is Only Here For The Damn Check, Just Know That Wasn’t Acting.

Johnny and Mack go to his place and Mack comments that Johnny still doesn’t have a lock for his lift here. Mack talks about how this place could use a woman’s touch and Johnny retorts that so could Mack himself, which Mack agrees with. Johnny then watches video of a monkey kicking a board in half and laughing while listening to music.

Another Nicolas Cage Moment

Mack turns off the music and the video and of course we get another Nicolas Cage moment.

Johnny: Mack, you touch The Carpenters or that chimp video again and we have a scrap on our hands.

Mack is worried about Johnny jumping on the anniversary of his dad’s death. Mack wonders what Johnny is trying to prove with all these stunts and Johnny says that he is trying to prove that it is him. Mack asks what is going on and Johnny asks if he believes people get second chances. Mack has no answer and Johnny says that he is looking for a sign that he can take a negative and turn it into a positive. Mack tells Johnny that once again, what happened to Barton Blaze was not Johnny’s fault. Mack just wants Johnny to think about taking the cars out of the stunt and Johnny says he will think about it as he watches public domain cartoons. You just know this is going to bite Mack in the ass later.

Back at the bar and the bar seems silent as if something happened.

Almost Everyone In The Bar Is Dead

A waitress is hiding behind the counter, but when she sticks her head out to see if the coast is clear, she is killed.

Blackheart then summons some demon cronies like…

Gressil

Wallow

And Abigor

Basically, they are elemental demons and Blackheart summoned them to help him find the contract of a thousand damned souls from San Venganza which is supposed to be hidden in a graveyard nearby. Blackheart says that once they get this contract, they can do whatever they want to this world one city at a time. But Mephistopheles shows up and is upset with his son’s actions. Yeah, Blackheart is his son.

And Looks Like This In The Comics

Blackheart says that it is his time to now rule and Blackheart says that the devil can’t harm him in this world since he has never fallen like the devil has. His dad warns him that if he continues, he will call upon the Ghost Rider. Blackheart acts like Mephistopheles loved the Ghost Rider more than his own son and complains that he should have trusted his son with that power instead of a silly human. Blackheart then says that his dad can send the Ghost Rider, but he will beat him and prove he is stronger than his dad.

The next day, we go to the show where Johnny Blaze is going to do his insane stunt, but before he does that, he is backstage and during a conversation with Mack, he proves how hardcore he is by drinking coffee out of the carafe.

Just A Few Seconds After It Was On The Heater So You Know That Coffee Was Super Hot

Johnny comes out ready for the stunt, but a bunch of people want to interview him despite his “no interviews” policy, but he does make an exception when he sees that one of the interviewers is a grown up Roxanne.

Unfortunately, the so called “interview” isn’t really an interview as Johnny doesn’t really answer her questions and instead tries to ask her out. She cuts the interview and leaves as she hates watching the stunts. Johnny says that was the sign that he was talking about. Oh and you remember that whole “taking the cars out” request? Well, Johnny did do that…..because instead he is going to be jumping over helicopters.

Well, He Never Said He Wouldn’t Replace The Cars With Something Else

Mack asks why Johnny would do this and Johnny tells him that my dad thought the idea would be cool. Mack after hesitating admits that it is cool and recommends to Johnny to only use the NOS (which is an accelerant to engines to make vehicles faster (you’d know what it is if you ever watched a Fast & Furious movie)) halfway into the jump so he can make the other half. Johnny asks how much NOS Mack put in the tank and Mack says he put enough to shame a space shuttle. So Johnny makes the jump.

He makes it successfully, which everyone is happy about. He even gives a kid the helmet.

The Kid May Want To Keep That Helmet, But I Think His Parents Are Going To Pawn That Off On Ebay To Pay For That Kid’s College Education.

Johnny immediately leaves the arena on his bike to catch up with Roxanne and her cameraman Stuart, which he does.

Johnny runs past some traffic and is able to get the news van to stop. On the highway that is creating traffic, he asks her out once again. Roxanne wonders what this is about and asks if this was about closure over leaving her all those years ago, She says that is old news and she moved on with her life. Johnny then kisses her.

Yeah, Different Time As This Wouldn’t Be Allowed Today.

She ultimately accepts Johnny’s request for dinner. She and Stuart leave afterwards, but Johnny continues to cause traffic as some of those people in this traffic jam are Johnny Blaze fans and are wanting an autograph or a picture.

I Understand This A Bit And Since Johnny Is Causing This Traffic Jam, He Might As Well Make It Worth It To Some Of These People Stuck In It.

That night, Roxanne is at the restaurant waiting for Johnny.

And There Is This Weird 8-Ball Scene That I Hope Was Cut From The Theatrical Version As It Adds Literally Nothing.

Johnny is back at his garage, getting ready for his date when his hands start getting hot.

Like Literally Causing Smoke Hot

Johnny goes outside and somehow his bike is ready to ride.

Then an old acquaintance of Johnny’s shows up.

Hey There, Devil

Johnny wants nothing to do with him, but unfortunately the time has come for Johnny to live up to his end of the deal they made long ago when Johnny was younger and become the Ghost Rider. He has to find the one known as Blackheart and destroy him. The devil says that if Johnny succeeds, he will return his soul. Johnny doesn’t want to do it, but Mephistopheles tells our hero that he has no choice in the matter. The devil slams his cane and Johnny’s bike starts riding off with Johnny on it, destroying the cars and pavement that it passes. The bike even creates flames.

A motorcycle cop looks as he hears something going fast and gets ready to check his speed on his speed gun, but Johnny goes by and blows him up.

Don’t Worry….He Lives

We then go to Blackheart and his minions as they go by a train station. A station manager tells them that they shouldn’t be here, but Blackheart wants to know where the graveyard that used to be here went. He explains that the graveyard was moved, but he doesn’t know where and for that information, he should ask the church.

Luckily In This Film, They Also Moved The Bodies As Well As The Tombstones….Unlike In Poltergeist

The manager says he really shouldn’t be here and just because he said that and Blackheart is in a pissy mood, he kills this guy.

Johnny then arrives at the station and we get this awesome scene of Johnny turning into the Ghost Rider in one of Nicolas Cage’s more crazy performances.

Interesting Fact On That Skull, The Visual Effects Studio Actually Used A 3D Read Out Of What Nic Cage’s Skull Would Look Like And Used That As This Effect

So Ghost Rider meets Blackheart and his minions and he tells Blackheart that he needs to go back to hell. Abigor attacks and gets the Ghost Rider to hang, but that does nothing as he gets back off the chain and keeps coming. Wallow restrains him in a puddle and Gressil hits him with a truck.

Gressil thinks the Ghost Rider is dead, but the Ghost Rider is not and the Ghost Rider punches him. Gressil asks the Ghost Rider for mercy and the Ghost Rider rightfully says that he is all out of mercy, before killing him with his flaming chain.

These Effects Are Really Freaking Bad Here

Ghost Rider puts his chain as part of his attire and whistles for his motorcycle, which comes and transforms.

The Ghost Rider rides off after the other villains that left Gressil high and dry. We go back to Roxanne who is upset that obviously Johnny Blaze isn’t showing up and is a bit drunk. She asks for more wine and then asks if the waiter thinks she is attractive, with the waitress just saying “Eh”.

Okay, Again….I Hope This Scene Was Cut From The Theatrical Version Because Quite Honestly, The Fact That This Guy Is Even Doing An “Eh” On Whether Eva Freaking Mendes Is Pretty Is Pretty Damn Insulting.

Ghost Rider comes across a mugger trying to mug a woman.

This Small Bit Was Rebel Wilson’s Theatrical Debut

The Ghost Rider picks up the mugger and tells the woman to leave. He then says this mugger has a soul stained with the blood of the innocence and he gives him the Penance Stare, which is basically staring at the guy and making his soul burn from all the sins he committed, which burns the eyes to a crisp.

The Ghost Rider rides off to the graveyard (which doesn’t seem that hard to find) and collapses at his dad’s grave as daylight comes. He is looked after by the caretaker.

Hey, Sam Elliott

Johnny Blaze talks to the caretaker after waking up. The caretaker looks over the grave of one Carter Slade and tells Johnny that everything that happened last night did happen, but since it is daytime, his bike and himself are back to normal. The caretaker also tells him that he better get used to being the Ghost Rider or he’ll end up dead. The caretaker offers to help, but Johnny says that the last time a stranger offered to help, it didn’t go so well. The caretaker then talks about the deal he made and Johnny knows this guy knows what is going on. The caretaker congratulates him by saying that his chances went from none to slim.

Roxanne does a news broadcast over what happened last night. She asks the cops if they know anything, but they basically do not want to talk to her. Meanwhile, back with the caretaker and Johnny, the caretaker explains that the Ghost Rider is the devil’s bounty hunter. We have a Nic Cage moment where the caretaker also asks Johnny to sterilize a hook and Johnny tries a Jedi mind truck.

Even If You Set That Hook On Fire, That’s Not How You Sterilize A Hook.

The caretaker explains how this whole Ghost Rider thing works where in day, he will be normal but at night and in the presence of evil, he will turn. The caretaker even knows about the Penance Stare and if you know that deep about all of this, you just know this caretaker has been the Ghost Rider beforehand. The caretaker then says the last Ghost Rider he knew of was 150 years ago with the Ghost Rider in San Venganza. Johnny then tells the caretaker about Blackheart and the caretaker says Johnny better stay here since they can’t come onto hallowed ground, which this graveyard is.

The police look over things and confirm that the cause of death from the station manager matches the same cause of death as the bikers, which is sulfur poisoning. They think it could be the result of a chemical attack, but Roxanne butts in and says it could be a religious madman since sulfur is known also as brimstone. Roxanne asks the lady from last night about the good Samaritan that helped her and she explains it, but of course they don’t believe her about the man with his skull on fire.

Yep….Your First Cinematic Role And You Are Treated As A Nut

Johnny comes by and tries to apologize to Roxanne about missing their date, but she seems okay about it and thanks Johnny for confirming what her dad said in that he was just a phase in her life. Unbeknownst to Johnny, the cops have found his burnt license plate.

That night, Johnny is looking in the mirror waiting to turn into the Ghost Rider.

Well, That Was Weird

He also is able to control somewhat of the Ghost Rider by making the candles light up. After that, Roxanne makes an unexpected appearance.

Roxanne came to apologize for saying what she said. They have a make out moment, but Johnny says it isn’t a great time. Roxanne wonders what is going on and Johnny explains all about the whole Ghost Rider thing. She is taken aback by this, saying that either he believes this and needs to see a doctor, or he basically is just making a ridiculous story rather than be honest with her. She leaves and then the cops show up to arrest Johnny Blaze.

They take him to jail and interrogate him. They do the whole “good cop, bad cop” routine to try and get Johnny to confess to the murders, but he knows what they are doing and will not confess. The cops’ decision is to have Johnny spend the night in jail with a lot of hardened criminals and one kid who probably did something stupid and is scared.

One of the criminals knows who he is as he went to Johnny’s stunt show and is upset that Johnny didn’t die out there. The other hardened criminals start attacking as the innocent kid looks on, scared to do anything. Johnny is laughing and eventually turns into the Ghost Rider.

The Ghost Rider then steals the jacket from the one criminal who saw him at the show.

And With That Jacket, He Gets The Spikes On It.

The Ghost Rider melts some of the bars and tells the troubled kid to be good before he leaves.

And I Bet That Kid Listened Too Because You Don’t See Something Like This And Go, I Want To Go Back And Meet Someone Like That

Elsewhere, we go to a church and remember when the caretaker said the graveyard was on hallowed ground. Well, I guess the church isn’t as Blackheart just goes right up in there.

At the Impound, an impound worker walks by and the Ghost Rider’s bike rides out of the impound lot itself.

Aw Man….No One Is Gonna Believe This Shit

Johnny leaves the police station and is about to ride his bike when one dumbass cop decides to hit him with the nightstick.

That does nothing as the Ghost Rider just fixes his jaw that was busted, then finger waves at the cop telling him that was a bad move, before leaving his bike.

Blackheart asks where the contract is and the priest won’t give him that info.

Blackheart Does Not Like That Answer

The police chase the Ghost Rider and seem to have him trapped on a bridge, but the Ghost Rider rides into the water.

And Flips The Cops Off While Doing So

Blackheart, Wallow, and Abigor leave the church and run into the Ghost Rider. Blackheart sends Abigor after him. They have a cat and mouse chase up into a building that Ghost Rider freaking rides up.

Seriously…

Roxanne sees all this from her building and realizes that Johnny Blaze might not have been lying to him at all.

The Face You Make When You Find Out Your Ex Is The Ghost Rider

The Ghost Rider rides to the top of the building and sees a helicopter nearby putting the spotlight on him. The Ghost Rider does not like that so he flings his chain to the copter’s landing skids and pulls it close to him. He tells the pilot to go away, which the pilot nods at, because what else are you going to do?

Smart Move…As This Actor Would End Up Being The English Voice Dub Actor For Inuyasha

Seriously…

The Rider lets go and the helicopter flies away. Then Ghost Rider has his fight with Abigor. He tries to kill him like he did Gressil, but since Abigor is air, that is a little harder to do. Thankfully, Ghost Rider can spin his chain around and create a wind tunnel to kill him instead.

Bye Abigor….

Ghost Rider then rides down the building and all the cops have their guns trained on him. Ghost Rider looks at Roxanne and goes to her so the cops fire. Ghost Rider responds by putting a flash of fire at them, which blinds them and then rides away.

Silly Cops….Bullets Don’t Stop The Ghost Rider

Of course both Blackheart and Wallow see all this and think to themselves that Ghost Rider is sure close to Roxanne so maybe they could use that against him. In the morning, Johnny goes back to the graveyard. He tells the caretaker that everyone knows who he is now. Johnny wonders if this will ever end and the caretaker says it will only end if Johnny stops Blackheart.

The cops show up to the news station and want to talk to Roxanne. The cops want to know if Johnny Blaze has contacted her in any way and she says no. The cops says Blaze has six hours before they go public with everything….and that whole six hours ultimatum goes fucking nowhere as that is the last time you will see these cops.

Back at the graveyard, the caretaker talks to Johnny Blaze about Carter Slade, who was the last Ghost Rider before Johnny. Yeah, Carter was the one who went on got the contract of San Venganza and did not give it to the devil like he was supposed to. The caretaker says Blackheart is coming for the contract and will use any means to get it so Johnny better stay away from friends and family. Johnny realizes that Roxanne is in trouble and goes to try to save her.

At that same time, Roxanne goes to Johnny’s pad and finds Mack there, who is also looking for Johnny. Mack wants Roxanne to leave, but Roxanne refuses as she loves him and wants to know how she can help. Mack then directs Roxanne to the occult books that Johnny has been reading and they read this as day goes to night. Wallow and Blackheart come to the graveyard so that whole hallowed ground thing is bogus. Blackheart says that since he has never fallen like his father, he can cheat that whole hallowed ground rule. Blackheart beats the caretaker up and demands the contract and acts like a petulant child while doing so. The caretaker says he is going to fall just like his father and Blackheart is so mad that he knocks him out and leaves.

Johnny goes to the news station looking for Roxanne, but Stuart the cameraman says that Roxanne went looking for him. We then go back to the flat and Blackheart shows up, killing Mack.

Johnny arrives as he finds Mack’s body. Blackheart attacks and Johnny immediately turns into the Ghost Rider. The Ghost Rider tries the Penance Stare, but since Blackheart doesn’t have a soul, that shit doesn’t work. Blackheart then goes the Ghost Rider a chokeslam.

Chokeslam!!! Bah Gawd, King….Ghost Rider’s Been Broken In Half!!!

Blackheart tells the Ghost Rider that he now works for him and tells him that he will kill Roxanne slowly if he doesn’t bring the contract to San Venganza by noon. Johnny goes to the graveyard and sees a busted up caretaker and tells him that Blackheart has his girl and he needs the contract. The caretaker then breaks open his shovel to reveal the contract has been hiding there the whole time.

Oh And We Also Find Out That The Caretaker Has Been Carter Slade This Whole Time.

After some small convincing, Carter gives Johnny the contract. He also calls his horse and reveals he has enough Ghost Rider power for one last ride.

Then we get an awesome moment of Johnny Blaze and Carter Slade, two Ghost Riders, riding to save the day while the instrumental to “Ghost Riders In The Sky” plays. This moment is gonna be so aweso…..and it ends.

I’m Gonna Say This Because I Absolutely Mean This Movie. Fuck Right Off With This Cocktease.

Carter Slade rides off into ash and it is now Johnny Blaze on his own. Blackheart tells Wallow to delay Johnny a bit and he does so in the marshes by dragging Johnny underwater. But as we have established earlier, water doesn’t really do much to a Ghost Rider so Ghost Rider just kills Wallow.

Johnny Blaze arrives in town and Blackheart lets Roxanne go. Johnny pretends to give Blackheart the contract, but turns into Ghost Rider and they fight. Blackheart knocks him back and Ghost Rider does the whole fire to the face thing.

Definitely Better Than Halloween Havoc 1998

But it is now dawn and the Ghost Rider starts turning back into Johnny. Blackheart knocks Johnny back and then grabs the contract. He reads it and a bunch of spirits go into Blackheart.

CGI Was Terrible, You Can Tell Wes Bentley Is Gonna Get High After This (If He Isn’t Already), And For Some Reason Does The Whole “My Name Is Legion For We Are Many” Line.

Johnny tries to run to the church to avoid the sun so he can turn back into Ghost Rider, but he gets his ass kicked. Blackheart seems to have won, but Roxanne causes a distraction by shooting the demon a few times with a shotgun.

Blackheart knocks her out, but Johnny gets the gun and put it in the shadow and it transforms to be able to blow Blackheart away. Unfortunately, Blackheart regenerates and then Johnny transforms and reveals the whole flaw of Blackheart’s plan in that Blackheart has a thousand damned souls inside him when the only reason Ghost Rider couldn’t kill Blackheart was because he had no soul.

Blackheart Did Not Think This Plan Through

So with Blackheart having all those souls, Blackheart gets killed with the Penance Stare.

Johnny reunites with Roxanne and then the devil shows up to congratulate him on a job well done.

The devil comes to take back the Ghost Rider power since that was his agreement after Johnny did what he asked. But Johnny tells the devil that he is going to keep this curse so the devil won’t give it to anyone else. The devil is unhappy, but leaves. Um…as we saw with Carter Slade, the devil can give more than one person the Ghost Rider power at the time so this whole rejection from Johnny means absolutely nothing. This is how it should have gone.

Johnny: No, I’m going to own this curse…and I’m going to use it against you. Whenever innocent blood is spilt, it’ll be my father’s blood…and you’ll find me there. A spirit of vengeance…fighting fire with fire.

Mephistopheles: Um…good speech and all, but okay, I guess.

Johnny: Okay???

Mephistopheles: Yeah, okay. You remember Carter Slade? I’m sure you have or you would not have gotten that contract. Well, he was still a Ghost Rider partially when I gave you the power. So…you can keep the power and only barely be able to use it before you turn to ash. Meanwhile, I’ll just find another person and make them the Ghost Rider for real.

Johnny: Aw man…I didn’t think this through.

*Credits*

But that’s not how it went and we end this film with Johnny saying goodbye to Roxanne with a kiss by the old tree they visited.

And We Definitely Wont See Roxanne In The Sequel

Well, the best part of the movie comes with the closing credits and they play “Ghost Riders In The Sky”.

Like Daredevil, Ghost Rider was not a box office bomb, but it was a box office disappointment, making only more than double it’s budget. It also got massacred by critics, some finding the Ghost Rider more funny than scary, which also seemed to follow Nicolas Cage around this time like with the Wicker Man remake (which won’t be inducted on this site so don’t ask). But this movie did do a sequel called Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, with directors more perfect for the type of insanity in Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (directors of Crank)….and that film fared worse than this film.

Nicolas Cage (who played Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider) is actually having a bit of a career resurgence and was just in the awesome Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent. Eva Mendes (who played Roxanne Simpson) continued acting in some more bombs before taking a several year hiatus in 2014 to raised kids with her husband Ryan Gosling. Wes Bentley (who played Blackheart) cleaned his drug habit eventually and is doing okay acting nowadays with a big role as Jamie Dutton in the hit TV series Yellowstone. Donal Logue (who played Mack) has continued to be a character actor in films that can either be good or bad. Sam Elliott (who played the caretaker/Carter Slade) still is a beloved actor, although recently he has gonna criticized for his hatred of the film The Power Of The Dog. Brett Cullen (who played Barton Blaze) played Thomas Wayne in Joker. But probably someone whose career took the biggest upswing from unknown to known is Rebel Wilson, who went from playing a random woman here to being remembered as Fat Amy in the Pitch Perfect films.

Unfortunately, one person has passed away since this film came out. Peter Fonda (who played Mephistopheles) died in 2019 at the age of 79 of lung cancer.

Now for my final thoughts and this film is a bit mediocre for me. Nicolas Cage is fun through most of the film and I liked the origin story part of the film. Also Ghost Rider film that plays Ghost Riders In The Sky is always a positive. But a lot of the acting is not that great and Wes was definitely just coasting in this film. The effects are mostly bad and some plot points are terrible. Also, I cannot forgive this film of the cocktease of two Ghost Riders saving the day and oops…one of them has to leave before doing anything besides riding. Also, all idiotic bad guys is never a good thing. Ultimately, you should just find a YouTube video of the Nic Cage moments from this film and the rest you can just skip.

So…it is the summer and once again Gus Richlen got to determine what films I induct and for the first film to induct for May, is a 1960s Japanese kaiju film that basically rips off the plot of the British film Gorgo, which in and of itself was one of the many Godzilla rip-offs going around at that time.

A Rip Off Of A Rip Off??? Oh Joy….