Monster
Crap Inductee: Space Jam: A New Legacy
Despite
Not Appearing In The Film, This Film Has All The Smell Of Pepe Le Pew
2021
GINO Award Winner
Let’s
talk about Space Jam.
In
1996, a famous Nike commercial with Bugs Bunny and NBA legend Michael Jordan
was spun off into a full movie where Michael Jordan (fresh into his first
retirement from basketball) was summoned by Bugs and the rest of the Looney
Tunes to save them from being slaves to aliens via a basketball game. The film
had a great soundtrack and is still the highest grossing basketball movie of
all time. I’ll be honest, the film isn’t that great and isn’t critically loved
with a 45% on Rotten Tomatoes. However, the film still has a lot of love from
kids of the 90s.
Immediately,
Warner Bros. wanted to do a sequel, but they had one HUGE problem. Michael
Jordan did not want to return. Warner Brothers had several ideas and one of
those was Spy Jam with the Looney Tunes and Jackie Chan, but of course Jackie
left production. That didn’t stop Warner Bros. who continued with the film and
ultimately created Looney Tunes: Back In Action
Oh,
I Will Be Inducting That Failure Of A Film Some Day, But Let’s Just Say This
Film Completely Bombed And The Idea Of Doing Theatrical Films With The Looney
Tunes Was Dead Afterwards.
But
20 years later, Warner Bros. decided to give a sequel to Space Jam another shot
and since they definitely couldn’t get Michael Jordan to return (nor should
they have since Jordan has long since finally retired from basketball) so let’s
get the next best thing in Lebron James.
Drafted
out of high school in 2003, Lebron James has become the best basketball player
playing today with 4 MVPs, 10 NBA finals appearances and 4 NBA titles with 3
teams in the Cleveland Cavaliers, Miami Heat, and Los Angeles Lakers. He has
his own entertainment studios in SpringHill Entertainment, has acted before in films like Trainwreck, and while Michael
Jordan has been criticized for his lack of activism for good causes, Lebron has
done a lot to make up for that and has also endorsed politicians.
I
am going to keep my personal opinions of Lebron James out of this induction
because I am inducting the movie and not reviewing the basketball player in any
way. But before this movie even begins, problems were of course underway. The
first being director. Originally they had Justin Lin to direct, but then he
left to do F9: The Fast Saga and the upcoming Fast & Furious 10. Then they
had Terrence Nance as director, but during production, he left after having
lots of issues with the studio heads. Then they finally got Michael D Lee,
director of The Best Man, Undercover Brother, Scary Movie V, The Best Man
Holliday, Barbershop: The Next Cut, Girls Trip, and of course the last movie he
did before this, Night School.
The
next problem was with dealing with a certain Looney Tune in Pepe Le Pew. You
see, Pepe Le Pew’s whole schtick was that he was lustfully chasing a female
alley cat who he mistakes for a female skunk because she somehow gets a stripe
on her back and tail due to a painting accident. And even worse, he chases this
female and tries forcing himself on her despite the fact that she has NO desire
to be with this smelly skunk.
In
This Day And Age, This Character’s Schtick Is Unacceptable So Despite What
Idiots In The Cancel Culture Debate Might Think, He Really Needs To Go.
Finally,
there is the problem of Lola Bunny. No, this has nothing to do with the fact
that Lola Bunny is now flat chested because quite honestly, if you have a
problem with the designs of a CARTOON RABBIT, then I don’t know what to tell
you. But instead, this is actually some screwing up of the voice for Lola. You
see, they actually got Kath Soucie for Lola Bunny originally and had all her
dialogue recorded. But for some reason, the studio decided that we need a name
actress to voice Lola Bunny and hey, Zendaya is available so let’s just dub all
of those lines with her now as Lola Bunny.
But
without further ado, let’s get to the movie itself and why it was clearly voted
to be the 2021 GINO Award Winner.
We
start this movie with Young Lebron and his mom outside of a game that Lebron is
going to play
Lebron’s
mom tells him she has to work a second shift so they can live so she will not
be able to be at his basketball game tonight and his head coach (who she trusts
obviously) will be the one to take him home after the game. Young Lebron
understands all of this and the two do a secret handshake before they part ways
for tonight.
Now
we get to something that is going to plague this film. That is that the names
of Lebron’s family has been completely changed. Lebron’s real mom’s name is
Gloria James and the mom’s name in this movie (via the credits) is Shanice
James. Say what you will about the fact that in the original Space Jam, none of
his family played themselves in the film besides Michael Jordan, but at least
they got the family’s names right. Only two reasons they could do this is 1)
Lebron did not want them using his family’s real names or 2) some dumbass
script writer told Lebron that his family’s names aren’t good enough and they
need to be changed. I hope it is that first one because that second one is
quite disturbing, but why would you do this when a simple Google or Wikipedia
search could tell you this stuff.
Lebron
is sitting down in the bleachers because they don’t have seats yet with his
Looney Tunes bookbag. We then find out that this is 1998 in Akron, Ohio.
His
friend Malik shows up with a Game Boy.
The
game in the Game Boy is Bugs Bunny’s Crazy Castle and Lebron starts playing it.
Okay,
Problem To Anyone Who Played That Type Of Game Boy Knows Exactly Where This Is
Going. That Model Of Game Boy Did Not Have Color So The Pixels Looked Nothing
Like That.
Game
Boy Screens Had Very Few Colors And They Looked Nothing Like What Was Shown In
The Movie Here. That’s Just Pure Laziness To Miss Something So Simple.
Even
Worse, A Brief Second Later, They Freaking Know This As They Show What The
Actual Game Boy Screen Looks Like.
Lebron’s
head coach gets upset that Lebron is getting distracted by the game and tells
him to come to the huddle so they can play basketball.
So
we now go to 17 seconds left in the basketball game and Lebron’s team is down
by one. Coach tells the team to give the ball to Lebron for the final shot.
Lebron takes the shot at the buzzer and…
It
Bounces Off The Rim. Lebron’s Team Loses.
Lebron
is upset as his head coach tries to raise the team’s spirit despite the loss.
Later, Lebron’s coach talks to him and tells him he is more upset that his head
wasn’t 100% in the game than he is that Lebron missed the shot. He tells Lebron
that he is the best player he has ever seen and he needs to be 100% always in
the game if he wants to make it to be the best and give him and his mom a
better life. Afterwards, Lebron throws the Game Boy in the trash.
Now
I am sure the coach said all of that is because he wants Lebron to reach his
potential and get his family a better life since as we saw earlier, his mom has
to work two shifts to take care of the family and there is no mention of a
father as in real life, there wasn’t one for Lebron. That’s what you could make
of this, but Lebron is going to make of this through most of this film is you
need to do one thing in life and nothing else.
We
then go to opening credits that shows a montage of the success Lebron James has
from high school to the pros (even saying Lebron’s mom’s real name in the
montage so why the hell they changed it to Shanice makes no sense whatsoever).
And
At The End, We Get The Opening Title Screen
In
the Lebron James mansion, Darius James is playing basketball while Dominic
“Dom” James is playing video games (Lebron’s sons real names are Lebron
“Bronny” James Jr. and Bryce James)
Dom
is playing a video game that we learn later he created himself as Darius is
talking to him. We also find out that Dom James wants to do the E3 video game
camp coming up, but hasn’t told his dad yet about that. Darius and Dom play a
little basketball and Darius is obviously better. They are laughing, but in
comes now adult Lebron James being an asshole to his kids and being upset that
they are not taking basketball seriously.
In
This Film, Lebron Is That Dad.
Lebron
tells the kids that everything on this court is not fun, but work and he needs
to work. Lebron shows the game and is upset at Dom for being more focused on
that than basketball. They made Lebron into this basketball dad just because
his coach told Lebron he needed to be 100% in the game to make a better life
for him and his mom. Lebron’s mom didn’t have a good life so Lebron needed to work
harder to get the better life for them. His kids won’t need that because guess
what, their dad is Lebron James. It’s lazy because Lebron does this and doesn’t
even mention to his kids that they can’t live off his name to get ahead
(something you would normally hear from that kid of successful father who wants
his kids to follow in his footsteps whether they want to or not).
Anyway,
after Lebron is done brow beating his son over his lack of basketball care and
that Lebron also put Dom in basketball camp next weekend (despite the E3 camp
being the same time), his wife Kamiyah and his daughter Xosha show up to tell
them all that dinner is ready and it is spaghetti and meatballs (Lebron’s wife
and youngest daughter’s real names are Savannah and Zhuri). Lebron is happy
about spaghetti and meatballs as the scene ends.
After
some pictures of this fake family, Kamiyah gets on Lebron for being too hard on
Dom and Lebron not thinking that at all. Also, Lebron only thinks about
basketball and his wife clues him in that Dom may be interested in something
else that isn’t basketball. Kamiyah mentioned that Dom made his own video game
and he is 12 years old. Lebron tries to say something about basketball, but
Kamiyah tells Lebron that Dom doesn’t need a coach, he needs a dad. Of course,
a good scriptwriter could bring up that Lebron didn’t have a dad so he isn’t
100% best equipped to be one for his own kids, but we don’t have good script
writing here.
We
then go to Burbank, California where Warner Bros. Studios is.
Including
That Iconic Water Tower
We
go inside the main building and inside the computers to the Warner Bros.
Serververse.
That
Name Is So Stupid
There,
we meet our main villain of this movie, Al G. Rhythm.
Oh
Don Cheadle, You Deserve Better….And You Were Like The Fifth Choice For This
Role (Jack Nicholson Was Too Expensive While Samuel L. Jackson, Kevin Hart, And
Keith David All Just Declined). Also Get It…..It’s A Play On Algorithm. Yeah,
It Sucks.
He
is watching all of Lebron James’ clips and thinks Jamesis like himself, a king.
And a king is perfect for what he needs to be finally recognized for his
greatness.
We
Also Meet His Underling, Pete
Al
sends an email to a Warner Bros. executive, played by famed comedian Sarah
Silverman.
She
is interested and then we head back to Lebron’s mansion where we see Dom doing
stuff to make his video game (that we now know is called Dom Ball) better like
drawing character models and putting them in the game and lots of coding. He
also sees the email for the E3 Game Design Camp that he wants to attend. Lebron
comes to his room and listens to his son as he discusses the game he made.
Lebron and Dom play test the game and when Lebron tries a simple move, the game
glitches out and Dom’s character gets eliminated from the game, which upsets
Dom since it will take him an entire week to rebuild it.
Video
Game Making Is Very Hard, Folks. But Then, Better People Than I Can Tell You
That Easy Information Nugget.
Lebron
comforts his son and tells him that setbacks happen as adversity is part of the
process. Lebron then says that he has some meeting with Warner Bros. about some
high tech thing and he wants to take Dom along for the ride as he listens to
this. Dom accepts and the two head to Warner Bros. studios. The pitch is from
an animated version of Al G. Rhythm
To
shorten the presentation, Al wants Lebron to be set up into the Serververse so
the Warner 3000 (that’s the name of the app he has in mind) can put Lebron
James in any Warner Bros. property like Batman, Game of Thrones, and Harry
Potter.
Here
is a huge problem with this idea. Why would any algorithm think that just
adding Lebron James into anything would make the experience better and get any
recognition? I mean, Lebron is the biggest basketball player in the world right
now. For something like that to work, you would need someone from their period
of time like Hulk Hogan in the mid-80s, Michael Jordan in the mid-90s, or Tiger
Woods in the late-90s to the mid-00s. No disrespect as this is an extremely
rare thing for any athlete or celebrity to do and Lebron just isn’t that big.
The biggest athletes in the world right now are Lionel Messi and Christian
Ronaldo and they aren’t even there. So sorry, this just doesn’t work and if
this script went to anyone worth a damn, they would tell you that.
We
also meet Lebron’s agent, who is Malik all grown up.
We
also meet another Warner Bros. executive who is with Sarah Silverman, played by
Steven Yeun.
Most
People May Know Him As Glenn From The Walking Dead, But He Is Probably One Of
The Best Asian American Actors Today As He Is The First Asian American Actor To
Be Nominated For An Oscar For Best Actor For His Role In Minari.
He
Also Might Murder Your Ass While In Dress Clothes In The Work Place So You
Better Be Careful
After
the pitch is over and they ask for Lebron’s thoughts, he comes out and says he
hates the idea and calls it one of the worst ideas he has ever heard. In fact,
he furthers things by calling the algorithm who came up with this idea dumb,
which pisses off Al as he is listening the whole time. The executives then also
two face as while they originally liked the idea, they reversed and said it is
dumb.
Don
Cheadle Might Just Kill A Mother Fucker And Considering He Is War Machine In
The Marvel Cinematic Universe, He Could Easily Do So As The Guy Who Controls
All The Machines Here. In Fact, Al G Getting Pissed And Becoming Skynet Here
Would Be Awesome As Hell.
But
during this interview, Dom shows off his game and finally reveals to his dad
that he wants to go to the E3 Game Design Camp and not basketball camp, which
upsets Lebron. Dom says that he doesn’t want to be like his dad in basketball
and leaves with Lebron chasing after him. Meanwhile, Al has a plan to get
revenge, which we won’t find out yet as we need to go back to Lebron and Dom.
Lebron
chases Dom to the elevator where Lebron is insistent that Dom go to basketball
camp instead of the E3 thing and Dom is correct in thinking his dad doesn’t
care what he wants. Unbeknownst to them, Al has hacked the elevator to send
them to the floor where the computer mainframe is at. Dom is interested and is
allowed in by Al. He then gets zapped in as Lebron watches in horror.
Lebron
runs to where Dom got zapped and he also gets zapped.
Lebron
finds Dom, but now they are stuck in the computers and Lebron freaks, making a
claustrophobic joke because computers are small, not realizing that cyberspace
(or the Serververse) is like the Tardis in Doctor Who where it is bigger inside
than it is outside. Also yes, being in Cyberspace is the excuse for why this
film is called Space Jam: A New Legacy.
They
then meet Al, who first appears like the fake version of The Wizard from The Wizard
of Oz before becoming Don Cheadle again.
Man,
Don Is Trying Here And He Seems Like An Okay Villain Now, But Stay With Us As
This Villain Gets Lame.
Lebron
wants to know what is going on and wants Al here to return the famous
basketball player and his son to the real world. As he is saying this, Dom
disappears and Lebron is super upset. Al then reveals that he saw Lebron’s
thoughts on his idea and is pissed that Lebron rejected him like that so now,
Lebron is gonna have to play him in a little team basketball game in this
Serververse and if Lebron wins, Al will let them go, but if Al wins, Lebron and
Dom will stay here….
Yeah,
I May Have Done A Better Joke Than What They Did With Multiple Als Saying
“Forever…And Ever…And Ever” With Pete’s Facial Features. Sadly, The Sandlot Is
Now Owned By Disney So Warner Bros. Couldn’t Do That Amazing Joke.
You
see, Al’s plan here is that with this game and all of Lebron’s followers
watching, he will finally be recognized for his genius. He then places Lebron
in a place where he considers the rejects at, which is Tune World.
Lebron
goes past multiple planets representing multiple Warner properties which is
just showing off here.
Lebron
finally lands in Tune World
Nice
Nike Logo Joke
Lebron
is now a cartoon
Had
To Fix His Hair And Facial Hair To The Right Spots
And
like a cartoon if you fall from a great distance, your legs are gone so you are
just your head, abdomen, and feet after you recover from landing.
Lebron
Making A Kevin Hart Height Joke, Which Would Even Be More Hilarious If Kevin
Hart Was Playing Al G Rhythm
Lebron
uses his thumb to blow his body back to normal size like you do in cartoon
world.
Lebron
finds a nearby court with a timer above.
He
sees that the world of the Looney Tunes is barren with only himself and someone
else there right now. That other Looney Tune is of course, Bugs Bunny.
Lebron
is first freaked out, but is then happy to see that it is Bugs Bunny who is a
hero to Lebron. We then get a bit of Duck Season, Rabbit Season and Bugs being
the Big Chingus Meme.
Big
Chingus Was A Meme Of Bugs Bunny Looking Like A Fat Elmer Fudd Which Was Done
In An Earlier Cartoon When Elmer Fudd Was Fat. It Caught On A Few Years Ago For
God Knows Why, Which Can Be Said For Many Memes.
More
Looney Tunes bit like painting tunnels that one person can enter and the other
person cannot since it is a wall (a bit WWE tried to do more than 10 years ago
for some reason and it was a total failure), a bit normally done by Wile E.
Coyote and Roadrunner where they mention who they are and some joke species
classification, a TNT joke about the channel and the dynamite,
Might
As Well Mention AEW’s Wednesday Wrestling Show Which Originally Was On TNT And
Is Now On TBS Due To Hockey. Why, Because I Like The Show.
And
then falling off a cliff which they survive because they are cartoons and
Lebron looking like a ball before getting a pump in his mouth to reinflate his
whole body.
Lebron
asks Bugs how long he has been alone and Bugs says he isn’t alone, going to
Barber of Seville and talking to a fake Porky Pig (who is really just pumpkins)
and when Lebron reveals Al G. Rhythm kidnapped his son and is forcing him to
play the basketball game, Bugs revealed that Al coaxed the rest of the Looney
Tunes to leave and go to other worlds that Al said were better. Bugs gets drunk
in a saloon with carrot juice until Lebron reveals he needs to assemble a
basketball team to play Al’s squad so he can get his son back and return home.
Bugs then thinks the idea of Bugs playing with a basketball player against a
nefarious team sounds familiar.
Lebron
confirms this after wondering who Bugs is talking to and Bugs comes up with a
plan. He then does a bit he usually did with Marvin The Martian to get Marvin
and his dog to arrive on their spaceship.
Bugs
uses this idea to try and steal Marvin’s ship, but Lebron kind of blabs the
plan which pisses Marvin off to reveal his ray gun that he sets to Anti-Gravity
Ray. He first shoots Lebron and then Bugs reverses the shot on him so Marvin
gets hit. Bugs gets Lebron into the ship and the Lebron hitting his head joke
is done and they leave on the space ship.
I
Want To Warn You Now That All That Stuff In Tune World Is The Best Part Of This
Whole Movie….And We Have One Hour And 23 Minutes Left. Yeah, Lord Help Us.
Back
at the center point of the Serververse, Al is talking with Dom and lies about
his dad leaving him behind to form a basketball team against Al, stating Lebron
has a history of leaving (mentioning his NBA career that some people always
have to mention, as they should). When Dom asks who built all this, Al dresses
like Steve Jobs to basically say he did.
Al
then butters him up talking about how great his video game looks and tries to
pretend to be someone who listens to Dom (while secretly planning to steal the
game for himself). He also talks Dom into short cuts which are here in the
Serververse (something many people say you shouldn’t take when getting ahead).
On
the spaceship, Bugs pretends he is Captain Kirk from Star Trek (a property of
Paramount’s). Lebron talks about all the players he needs for his team like
King Kong, Superman, and Iron Giant (a joke about him always wanting a super
team around him in the NBA). Bugs decides (without telling Lebron) to get all
his friends back. He first goes to grab Daffey Duck and Porky Pig from
Metropolis World As Daffey, with Porky’s help, tries to stop an out of control
train from hitting an orphanage so he can join the Justice League as Super
Duck, but not before we get a joke about Lebron wanting to be Batman while some
see him as a Robin, which he hates.
Oh
by the way, it’s pretty clear that Daffy and Porky tied up and gagged the
train conductor while hijacking the train to do this audition.
Daffy
pulls to hard and breaks the brake lever so it is definitely a runaway train.
But
This Train Is Thankfully Coming Back, Right?
Yes,
it will be if controlled. Bugs
and Lebron confront the two, but they don’t have enough time to stop the train
from hitting the orphanage, but someone else does.
Superman….Who
Along With Several Other Members Of The Justice League, Is Not Amused.
Daffy
and Porky join the crew as Lebron still wants his super team, but Bugs gets
more Looney Tunes back by going to Mad Max World to get Roadrunner and Wile
Coyote.
And
For Some Reason, Nasty Canasta Is Here To, But He Doesn’t Get Taken Back.
Then
we get one of the worst transitions I have ever seen.
WTF!!!!!
We
go to Austin Power World To Get Elmer Fudd and Sylvester.
Don’t
Worry….Sylvester Gets His Fur Back
We
then go to Casablanca World (where the scene with Pepe Le Pew was also going to
be involved before he was axed before animation took place) where Yosemite Sam
is.
They
somehow get the Tasmanian Devil or Taz back as they were thrown on the ship by
Rick and Morty, who did not like him being around them.
They
then get Foghorn Leghorn who is somehow on a dragon being Daenarys Targaryen.
Hell
If I Know Why
They
also get Gossamer, who has a scene in the comic book version of this film where
he was in Scooby Doo World, but was never animated.
Maybe
I Should Ask Linkara To Review That…
Then
Again, I Guess Not.
Daffy
and Bugs says they are missing veteran leadership so the ship goes to Matrix
World where Speedy Gonzalez and Granny are at.
Speedy
I Understand Being Here, But Granny…..Only Reason She Is Here Is Because Of A
Scene Later In The Movie.
We
also find Tweety, who was in Slyvester this whole time.
Yet
Was Never Digested
Lebron
is upset because none of this is the team he wanted. Lebron says he needs one
real ball player on his team and Bugs knows he has to get Lola Bunny, who is in
Themyscira trying to be an Amazon
Rosario
Dawson Voices Wonder Woman Here As She Has Voiced Wonder Woman In The Past.
Now
I’m sure many of you may wonder about my feelings on Zendaya voicing Lola
Bunny. Honestly, besides being a dick move by Warner Bros. to Katie Socie, she
isn’t terrible at the role. And I understand why Zendaya took the role when
offered as she wanted to work with Ryan Coogler (director of Black Panther who
is a producer on this film) and she grew up in a Basketball family with both
parents having played basketball (not pro though). She was also a huge Looney
Tunes fan and loved the first Space Jam movie so I will not be giving Zendaya
any grief about being in this movie or her performance other than to say she
was wasted.
Back
to the movie, Lola Bunny goes through the trials to be an Amazon and almost
completes the trial, but comes up short after having to save Bugs and Lebron
from falling into lava, which the two almost did while pestering Lola her
entire run. Lola is dejected about coming up short, but Wonder Woman tells her
saving people is also what makes an Amazon and she gets the honor before being
told to help Lebron get his son back.
While
all of this is going on, Dom and Al are playing Dom’s game while creating
characters. We see that during a basketball charity that Lebron did, Dom was
able to get character models of Diana Taurasi, Klay Thompson, Anthony Davis,
Damian Lillard, and Nneka Ogwumike, stars in the NBA and WNBA.
Although
It Is Funny That Sue Bird, Draymond Green, And A’ja Wilson Were Also There And
He Didn’t Get Models Of Them.
Al
also finds out that this app game Dom has made can scan people into the game
world using their own phones, which makes him have bigger plans. Al then puts
more dissension on Dom saying his dad doesn’t support him. Al then has an idea
of Dom playing for his team and beating Lebron as the ultimate show of “I want
to do my own thing”. Al then has Pete set up a planned game where it is father
vs son as Lebron takes on Dom.
We
see Lebron trying to coach up his team. Sam shoots the ball his own way.
Good
Chuckle….
Lots
of Looney Tunes bits that Lebron hates as it isn’t basketball and he just wants
to have them play simple basketball without the Looney stuff.
Lebron
Is No Fun
Back
at Warner Bros. Studios, Malik is getting guff from the security guard.
It’s
Black Jesus…Without The Hair
Malik
gets a call from Kamiyah who is wondering where Lebron and Dom are. He tries to
lie saying Lebron and Dom are doing something, but Kamiyah shows up in a car
with Darius and Xosha and wants to know where they are.
Back
with Al and Dom and it is time for Dom’s character to get an upgrade. How big
of an upgrade, you ask? Well, all his stats are at 100.
Al
Teaching Him All The Shortcuts In Video Games. I Wonder If He Taught Him The
Contra Code Yet Or The Mario 3 Whistle.
Dom
has finally been upgraded and he now has a darker hoodie to show him joining
the dark side
We
see all of Dom’s new skills like better dribbling, jumping, and shooting. Al
then convinces Dom to create his teammates. Some of the customizations involve
mixing Diana Taurasi with a snake.
Scary….But
Still Not As Scary As….
Ahh…..Stop
Doing That, Dakota Fanning
Back
at Warner Bros. Studios, the rest of Lebron’s family along with Malik find out
about the basketball game that is going to happen. Kamayah also says that since
the tweet about the game was sent from Lebron’s phone, then she can track him
with her phone.
Lebron
and the Looney Tunes head back to Tune World to practice. We see Lebron writing
his family’s names on his shoes and he says he does that to remind him who he
is playing for. Lebron shows Bugs a fundamental play that he always likes to do
and Bugs Bunny does an MC Hammer joke because of the “fancy footwork”.
Lame….
Lebron
says that this is his court so it needs to be his rules and reiterates that
when they play this game, no Looney stuff should be used. Bugs and Lebron start
to have an argument, but Lola notices the timer is going down quickly. It goes
to zero and the timer digitizes into a giant basketball court that everyone has
to run away so they don’t get crushed by it.
This
giant court ruins all of Tune Town, but it isn’t over yet. Al G. Rhythm
descends from the sky with Pete and makes fun of the Looney Tunes for being old
news. Lebron then upgrades all the Looney Tunes to three dimensions and that
means Lebron is no longer a cartoon.
Bugs
says to Al G. Rhythm that this means war. Lebron wants his son, but Al says he
will be here, but first he wants this place to be packed with so many Warner
Bros. characters that I am not going to mention them all because this induction
is long as it is. If you see them in the background of this film, have yourself
a cookie. Let’s just say there are two problems with this thing besides it
being a giant “look what we got” tease to try and get you to buy HBO Max (there
is a reason the joke is this movie is basically Space Jam Player One). One of
those problems is many of them are just short gifs of characters used over and
over again while others are just fake versions because they obviously couldn’t
get the likeness rights (ie Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze). The other
problem is that while this is a family film, plenty of these characters here
are from R-Rated properties like the Droogs from A Clockwork Orange or
Pennywise from It.
Lebron’s
family and Malik enter the computer room where they tracked Lebron’s phone at.
They find Lebron’s phone and at this point Al reveals the next part of his
plan, which is to use Dom’s app to suck people watching the stream into the
Serververse.
Daffey
makes a joke about the line in the bathroom being insane and then we get the
announcers for this match in Ernie Johnson from the NBA on TNT and
comedian/actor Lil’ Rel Howery.
You
Mean To Tell Me You Could Get Ernie Johnson, But You Couldn’t Get Anyone Else
From The NBA On TNT To Join Him. No Offense To Lil’ Rel Here, But There Are
Several Guys You Could Have Gotten Since The NBA On TNT Cleans Up At The Sports
Emmys All The Damn Time Like….Kenny Smith, Dwayne Wade (Who Just Joined After
Retiring And Is A Good Friend Of Lebron’s), Shaquille O’Neal (Who Played With
Lebron In His First Go In Cleveland), Reggie Miller, And Let’s Not Forget
Charles Freakin’ Barkley (Who Was In The First Space Jam Movie). They All Have
Great Personality And Would Have Been Better Suited For This Role That You Gave
Lil’ Rel.
In
fact, I could make a good joke with Barkley and Godzilla (who is also not in
this movie despite being part of the Monsterverse (which is owned by Warner
Brothers)). Barkley could see Godzilla and mentions that he might have seen
that giant lizard before.
There,
I Just Made A Better Joke Than Many Of The Jokes In This Film. Not That Hard…..
This
part of Al’s plan somehow gets Lebron’s family sucked in here too, but not
Malik who was elsewhere when it happened.
Lebron
tries to get to his family, but there is a force field in between them.
Darius
tells Lebron that this is Dom’s game and questions if his dad knows how to
play, to which Lebron says it is basketball and how hard can it be. Malik tries
to get into the Serververse, but since that phone was used to get Lebron’s
family here, no such luck.
It
Makes For Some Pointless Stuff And Isn’t Funny In The Least
Al
then finally decides to introduce the stipulations for this match. If Lebron’s
team wins, everyone can go home. But if they lose, everyone here is stuck in
the Serververse forever.
Everyone
Is Upset About That, But I’m Just Like….Fine With Me.
Daffy
makes a comment that at least nothing happens to them, then Al mentions that if
they lose, all the Looney Tunes will be deleted from the Serververse forever.
Yeah,
Daffey Gets Yelled At For Opening His Mouth
Al
then reveals his team which is captained and created by Dom, The Goon Squad.
Al,
If You Are Trying To Make Dom Think That You Are Not Evil, Why Would You Call
The Team He Is Playing On….The Goon Squad. Sure, It Kinda Rhymes With Tune
Squad (Although Not 100%), But It Gives The Whole Game Away.
Anyway,
the team is Diana Tarasi As White Mamba.
Yeah,
That Character We Saw Earlier. Diana Taurasi Was Given That Nickname By NBA's "Black Mamba" Kobe Bryant. But Unfortunate Bad Luck Since After Filming
Was Completed, But A Few Months Before This Film Was Released….Kobe Bryant Died In A Tragic Helicopter Crash Along With His Daughter
And Others. That Sucks.
Klay
Thompson As Wet Fire
Nneka
Ogwumike As Arachneka
Anthony
Davis As The Brow
Al
finally reveals the captain in Dom James.
Kamiyah
tries to call for Dom, but as Darius points out, he may not be able to hear
her. Kamiyah then says he better hear her, but he doesn’t. Lebron goes to Dom
to warn him about how evil Al is and how everyone here is in danger, but Dom
doesn’t believe a word he is saying since Al has manipulated him too much to
think this is all just a simple game. When the rest of the Goon Squad blocks
him from speaking anymore to Dom, Lebron tells Brow that his eye brows need to
break up with each other since they are ugly.
Mamba
Calms Him Down While Brow Looks Like He Just Became The Undertaker
Lebron
tells his wife that he couldn’t convince Dom of the danger and Kamiyah says
that Lebron is going to have to win this game.
The
game tips off and pretty early, the Goon Squad proves to be better at Dom Ball
because Lebron doesn’t realize this isn’t regular ass basketball and a video
game with power ups, no fouls, and style points.
Lebron’s
An Idiot
Lil’
Rel is pretty quick to point out that we are playing video game rules which
while a good idea, becomes a problem later as in even video game sports, there
has to be some idea of the sports rules that apply.
Maybe
I Should Go To My Local Retro Arcade Place And Play Or Watch Someone Play NBA
Jam, I Would Get More Excitement And It Would Make More Sense.
After
getting his head smacked by the basketball several times by Arachneka, Lebron
still thinks there is only one way to play basketball and reiterates that the
Looney Tunes should not be Looney.
Oh
And Like The NBA, This Game Doesn’t Understand The Idea Of Traveling.
We
get even more reminders of how corrupt the NBA game is when the ref (Pete)
helps Dom score points.
Foghorn
Leghorn is upset that the game isn’t being called fair and gets ejected.
Literally….
Lebron’s
team finally starts scoring points, but Dom’s team still is one step ahead as
they understand how to play this game. Lebron tries a power-up jump boost, but
he overshoots the jump and slams into the force field.
Bugs
calls a time out with 2:39 left in the first half and the score Goon Squad 752,
Tune Squad 37.
You
Just Love To See Lebron Get His Ass Kicked Sometimes
Head
Coach of the Goon Squad, Al decides to call in his sixth man and give Dom a bit
of a break and that sixth man is….
Damian
Lillard As Chronos
Basically
he stops time and scores points while making the Tune Squad look stupid.
And
with that we head to half time with the score…
Yikes….
Even
the villain aliens from the original film are happy to see the Goon Squad get
their rear ends kicked.
In
the Tune Squad locker room, the toons are dejected with Granny drinking.
Family
Entertainment Here…
Sylvester
makes a big announcement as they may have found some help since he ran into
Michael Jordan. Everyone gets excited and all of that, just one tiny problem…
It’s
Michael B. Jordan…Not The Famous Basketball Player
Also,
hi…Michael B. Jordan, welcome back to Monster Crap.
Heck,
It’s Even Your Second Time Being In A GINO Award Winner Since You Were Johnny
Storm in 2015’s Fantastic Four
After
that joke that you could have seen from a mile away, Lebron decides it is time
to be an asshole and blame his teammates for the fact that they are losing.
Remember
The College Humor Skit That Wondered What Would Happen If Lebron James Was In
The Original Space Jam, He Would Have Joined The Monstars At Halftime And
Doomed The Tune Squad Because He Only Cared About Himself And Winning. Nice To
See That Lebron Proved That To Be True.
Finally,
the Looney Tunes call Lebron James out on his BS, saying he is a terrible
teammate for making them stay as regular basketball players when that isn’t who
they are and being a terrible father to Dom in thinking he knows what is best
for his son. Lebron realizes the folly of his ways and tells the Looney Tunes
that they need to start being Looney.
The
second half is about to begin and the Looney Tunes come out with a happier
attitude.
Complete
With Lebron Having One The Lamest Funny Faces I Have Ever Seen
The
second half begins and by being Looney, the Looney Tunes start coming back.
Like
Brow Getting Hit By A Random Train
Wet
Fire Being All Soaked Up In Gossamer’s Fur.
Road
Runner Causing Smoke With His Team, Creating A Literal Smoke Screen Play That
Tweety Dunks On
Bugs
Bunny Hijacking The Announcing To Do His Own Which Basically Causes Problems
For The Other Team Because He Makes Up Things And They Then Happen
But
Al takes the mic and tries to do some hijacking of his own with some rhymes as
he says it and doesn’t realize he created a hip hop bonus moment.
Up
next becomes the most cringe joke in this movie as we get…..Notorious P.I.G.
rapping.
This
Is Such Cringe That I Won’t Even Go Too Much Into It Other Than They Get Points
For This Shit That Basically Is The Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back In Saying
This Has Anything To Do With The Game Of Basketball.
They
Even Do Another Internet Meme Joke That Just Frustrates Me
Back
to the game, Taz gets the ball stolen from him by Brow, but Taz uses his spins
to spin the court around so Brow accidentally scores for the Tunes.
Oops….
Al
decides to become Bobby Knight and throw a chair at Pete the ref for allowing
that to count.
Dom
starts seeing how much of a jerk Al is as Kamiyah gets a “Let’s Go Tunes” chant
going.
Then
Wile E. Coyote creates a multiply shooting machine that scores multiple baskets
thanks to help from Road Runner, but gets caught in the machine and he
multiplies as well and his bodies going also count as points since they go
through the hoop.
I
Love The Wile E. Coyote-Road Runner Cartoons So I Had Fun Watching This
Lebron
starts showing the good side of being dad and laughing with his son about
having fun. A break is taken as they clean the court.
Al now looks like Bill Belichick And Calls In Chronos.
Remember
when I said the only reason Granny was in Matrix World was for a later spot,
well…here it is. Granny comes on the court and uses her Matrix Bullet Time
moves to beat Chronos
at his own game, making Chronos old in the process and scoring points with a
Senior Discount.
The
Tunes then do a play that ends with Bron scoring a dunk to give the Tune Squad
the lead.
The
third quarter is over and Al is really upset forcing everyone to move down so
he can also sit on the bench. The fourth quarter begins and we have a
father-son moment where Lebron finally shows Dom the light and gets him to join
the Tune Squad, which Al seems to have no problem with after a few minutes.
Well,
the reason for this is Al has hijacked and stolen all of Dom’s code and is the
game. He says King Kong aint got nothing on him, which pisses off King Kong.
I
Would Say “Nice Stealing Of A Training Day Quote”, But You Did The Censored
Version Of The Line Because You Finally Remembered It Was A Family Film And
Training Day Is Rated R For A Reason
Al
then turns himself into a basketball player with all the cheats.
The
game comes back on and with the help of his teammates and rewinding cheating,
Al scores points so the Goons retake the lead.
Wait,
Wait, Wait…..No Style Points Or Anything? That Move Counted As Just Two Points.
So Now We Are Using Regular Basketball Scoring. You Can’t Make One Thing
Throughout Most Of This And Then Change Things At A Freaking Whim
Anyway,
Lebron and Dom remember the glitch from earlier that they can use to win the
game, but someone will get deleted or killed in this case if they do that.
Lebron decides that it is him that is going to sacrifice himself. But before
Lebron gets the ball to do so, Bugs steals it and does the move himself.
But
no, Lebron has to get the last shot, but even then Al almost foils him.
But
Dom gives Lebron a jump boost so he can jump again and score the winning dunk.
Al
even gets literally posterized.
The
Tune Squad wins and everyone is sent back to the real world, but before that,
we get a sad moment where Bugs gets deleted.
I
Forgot To Mention That Tune World Is Back To Its Normal Self, But It Is.
Lebron
and Dom reunite with the rest of the family (as well as Malik) and we get a
happy ending.
Oh
Wait….We Have 9 More Minutes.
So
one week later…
Lebron
surprises Dom by making him think he is going to basketball camp, but he is
instead sending him to E3 Game Design Camp.
So
Lebron sends his son to Game Design Camp and the movie is over then, right?
Damn
It Jordan Peele, But He Is Correct Here.
You
see, Bugs shows up revealing that he was right about cartoons not dying.
Basically
That Whole Death Scene Bit Was Absolutely…
Yep,
It Was Pointless
Anyway,
we do a Taco Tuesday joke and reveal that somehow all of the Looney Tunes are
now in the real world which gives us credits with Looney Tunes and real people
doing stuff.
You
Said It Better That I Could, Bill Nye The Science Guy
And
finally this movie is over. So how did it do? Well, it definitely made it’s
money back and had a huge opening weekend despite being released at the same
time on HBO Max due to the pandemic we are all in. HOWEVER….upon the second
week, it went down 69% from the first week. Yeah, while Space Jam: A New Legacy
wasn’t a failure, it wasn’t a huge success either.
But
then we get to what critics think of this film? Remember when I brought up how
the first film isn’t critically loved and has a 45% on Rotten Tomatoes? Well,
Space Jam: A New Legacy….has a 25% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Ouch,
Indeed…..
In
fact, the movie has been made out to be a joke in shows showing how terribly
creatively bankrupt Hollywood is. South Park has been well known as making fun
of it and they definitely will not be alone in that.
Now
time for my final thoughts on this film. While I had a lot of things to say
about this and actually was able to produce more jokes than I thought, this
movie was miserable to watch. The writing for this film is really bad, actors
who are normally good are wasted here, most of the jokes are groan worthy, and
worst of all is that Lebron is terrible as the lead, and I cant even fully
blame him because the script did him zero favors (making him out to be mostly
an asshole). While not the worst of the year in my mind, this more than
freaking deserves the GINO Award as everything about it is just one giant
mistake made by an incredibly greedy Warner Bros. Also while the first movie
had a great and memorable soundtrack, this movie’s soundtrack is completely
forgettable with almost all the songs being used elsewhere instead of being
original. This movie should not have been that hard to do, but every decision
they made with this film turned out to be wrong. If you like the original or
don’t, I really would recommend you stay away from this film. Even if you are a
huge Lebron fan, stay away from this film as it doesn’t put your guy in a
positive light.
Now
for what is next….and cue Nega Seth in 3, 2, 1…
….
…
1…
….
….
1...
...
...
Well,
it seems like he won’t…
I’m
Not Doing Your Fucking Cues. I’ll Show Up Whenever I Want To.
You
aren’t any fun.
I
Am The One Who Has Fun. Not You As You’re The One Inducting This Films.
Of
course….
Now
let’s see what is next for you. Hmmm…this is definitely an interesting one
since for some reason, this movie was trending a few months on Twitter. It’s a
movie with an Academy Award Winning Writer that reveals that she may be a one
hit wonder as far as screenwriting goes. It also proves a certain actress can’t
act and is only good for eye candy. It’s...
Well,
It’s Been A Long Time Since I Saw This Movie. Don’t Remember Liking It….
