2036: Origin Unknown
Katee Sackoff Argues With A Computer & Inadvertently Causes The Apocalypse. There, I Just Saved You 90 Minutes Of Wasted Time For A Movie That Ended Way Longer Than It Should Have.
A Demon Within
This Movie Has A Complete Checklist Of Shit I Hate In Movies. Uninspired Acting - Check. Bad CGI - Check. Pointless Child Death - Check (Kid Gets Crucified). A Point Where The Movie Could End, But Keeps Going - Check. Boring Pacing - Check. Try To Stay Awake If You Ever Have The Misfortune See This.
A Wrinkle In Time
A Complete Moss By Disney That Was Doomed As Soon As They Hired A Director Who Is Best At Making Real Life Dramas Instead Of Big Budget Fantasies. Despite What Defenders Tried To Say Of This Film, This Was A Complete Mess That Could Never Be Taken Seriously In Any Way.
Day Of The Dead: Bloodline
Another Attempt To Remake Day Of The Dead. The Zombie Apocalypse Has Occurred And The Zombie That Could Be Our Very Salvation (As Despite Being A Zombie, May Have The Cure In His Blood) Has One Problem. You See, Before He Became A Zombie, He Was A Stalker Of Our Main Female Character And He Tried To Rape Her. Yeah, That Will Go Well.
Deep Blue Sea 2
9 Years After The Original Deep Blue Sea Became A Cult Classic Thanks To A Decent Cast, Filmmakers Decided A Sequel Was In Order. But Instead Of A Good Cast That Could Save A Badly CGI Mess Of A Film (Like The First One), We Get A Cast That Couldn't Be Bothered To Be Interesting If Their Life Depended On It.
Dominion: The Last Star Warrior
Everything On That Cover.........Never Appears In This Movie. Much Like Battle For Skyark In 2016, The Whole Movie Takes Place On A Desert. However, Unlike Battle For Skyark, This Movie Is Even Cheaper And Was Made In 2015, But Released This Year. And Despite Booboo Stewart Being The First Name On The Marquee, He Has Five To Ten Minutes In The Film.
Kin
This Movie Tried To Tell Us That This Was About A Kid And His Found Space Gun, But That Merely Is Only A Small Person Of The Film. Instead, We Have A Story Of That Same Kid Getting Led Around By His Older Brother For A Road Trip, Which Is Them Running Away From Gangsters Because The Older Brother Is A Complete Fuckup.
Slender Man
Years After The Slender Man Meme Because Old And A Horrible Incident Happened Because Of Of Some Kids' Belief In Him, Someone Decided It Was Time To Make A Horror Movie Based On The Character And You May Need Plenty Of Caffeine As This Movie Is A Bore To Get Through As Well As Being Completely Not Understanding Much About Slender Man.
The Cloverfield Paradox
Released After The Super Bowl, Which Netflix Got Time On To Tell Us On That Day That Yeah, This Film Exists. This Movie By All Means Tries To Be Its Own Film (Which It Orignally Was) While Through Clunky Ways, Make Cloverfield & 10 Cloverfield Lane Be Connected To This. The Ultimate Result Was A Film That Is Exactly Earning Of Being Just Dumped On Netflix With A Few Hours Of Hype.
The Darkest Minds
It's Another Movie That Tries To Be The Next Young Adult Novel Adaptation Phenomenon And Like Many Of Them, Completely Falls On Its Ass And Bombs To The Point That There Will Not Be A Sequel (Despite The Sequel Bait At The End). Kids Get Powers For Some Unknown Reason And Adults Are Afraid Of Them. Once Again, You Can Tell Someone Thought This Would Be A Good Idea, Realized How Wrong They Were, Hid It For A While, And Then Just Dumped It Out In Theaters In Hopes No One Would Criticize How Bad It Was.
The Happytime Murders
Happytime Murders Seemed Like A Great Idea When It Was First Conceived And Had Been Known In 2008. However, This Pre-Production Was Troubled With Studio Changes, Cast Changes, And Eventually Ending Up With Melissa McCarthy, Who While Can Be A Good Actress If Allowed To Not Be A Parody Of Herself. But If She Is Nominated Or Anywhere Near Monster Crap, You Know That Didn't Happen (And That Also She Was Able To Write Portions Of Her Character (Like Ghostbusters)). Sadly This Film Eventually Lost A Lot Of The Humor And Interesting Idea That Made This A Good Idea 10 Years Before.
The Lotus
In A Year Where We Had Some Good Zombie Movies, We Had More Of The Same Shit Zombie Movies Too. The Lotus Continues That Trend With Some Of The Worst Acting I Have Seen In A Long Time. Of Course, This Was A Film That Was Made In 2015 And Sat On The Shelf, So That It Could Be Dropped On DVD In 2018. Sadly Like Some Other Movies, There Isn't A Single Actor In This Movie I Have Heard Of. In Fact, There Are Also Aliens In This Movie. Don't Ask Me What They Do Because Besides The Movie Being Shit, I Couldn't Even Be Bothered To Remember The Ending.
The Lullaby
A South African Horror Film That It Is So Boring, I Needed Two Cans Of Soda To Stay Awake For This Shit. Terrible Acting, Boring Pacing, Unlikable Characters, And Bad CGI Ruin An Idea Of A Mother Going Through An Issue Many Moms Go Through In Some Sadness That Comes After Giving Birth Dealing With Some Real Horror. Like I Said, Nobody Is Likable And Rape Is Just Something That Happens In This Film. I Would Like To Also Add That This Is Directed By The Guy Who Directed Dracula 3000.
The Manor
Despite Kevin Nash Being On The Cover Of This Movie, He Leaves Halfway Through The Movie. Also He Is A Hippie Priest Who Has An Illuminati Necklace, And Somehow, We Miss Him Because He Is The Most Likable Character In This Movie About A Family Where One Of The Kids Gets Out Of A Mental Institution And Three Brothers On A Hunting Trip Both Get Spend The Weekend At Parts Of An Old Manor For Some Reason. There Is Then A Demon Who Starts Killing People.........Or Is It? It's Complete Nonsense And Deserving Of The Nomination.
The Nun
A Ghost From The Second Conjuring Movie Gets Her Own Movie Because We Need To Have An Origin To That Character. Just Like Someone Decided We Needed An Origin To That Annabelle Doll From The First Conjuring Movie. While Unlike Annabelle (Which Got The Director Of Mortal Kombat 2 Involved), This One Got A Promising Director In The Director Of A Decent Movie A Few Years Ago Called The Hallow. But Sadly, When You Are Made To Do The Same Old, Same Old Nonsense By Studios That Are More Concerned With Cinematic Universes Than Making A Good Film, There Isn't Even A Chance That The Movie Will Turn Out Well.
The Nutcracker & The Four Realms
Disney Gets Two Nominees For This Year's GINO Award As If It Wasnt For Marvel Studios & Pixar, Disney Would Have Lost A Lot Of Money By Misjudging The Market And Thinking An Epic Nutcracker Movie Would Work. While I'm Sure It Isn't As Bad As The Nutcracker With Rat Nazis In Them (Seriously), It Is So Forgettable That I'm Sure You Would Have Been Better Off Just Playing All The Nutcracker Music Instead.
The Trump Prophecy
Sigh....I Know Exactly What People Are Going To Tell Me With This Nominee. You Are Going To Fo After Me For Going Political And Honestly, I Hate That This Is A Nominee Myself. Regardless Of My Personal Opinion Of The Man, I Don't Find Political Humor That Funny A Lot Of The Time Which Is Why I Avoid It A Lot. However, I Know People Who Have Seen This Movie And Told Me That This Movie Has Fucking CGI Demons In It. That's Not Even Talking About The Insane Idea This Film Says Is True, A Man Seeing In 2011 That This Man Would Save The World As President. Sadly This Movie Was In Theaters (Thanks A Lot, Fathom Events) And With Everything Said, It Is Getting This Nomination Spot.
Truth Or Dare
Of All The Movies That Were In Theaters That I Have Somehow Seen This Year, Truth Or Dare Was The Worst. A Movie That Somehow Bastardized A Party Game With Hatable Characters, Terrible CGI, CGI Filters To Morph People's Faces That Were Bad, Terrible Script Writing, An Ass Backwards Plot, And One Of The Most "Fuck You" Endings This Year. Sometimes Blumhouse Can Make Good Films And Sometimes, They Can Make Complete Garbage Like This.
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Winchester
It Is Such A Shame That The Spierig Brothers Would Ruin Their Good Film Reputation By Making This Complete Stinker Of A Haunted House Film. The Actors Try, But With A Bad Script, Bad Reveals, And Bad Insinuations That Ghosts Can Somehow Cause Devastating Earthquakes (It Is Based In The San Francisco Area In 1906 So You Can Figure Out What I Mean), I Can Only You Might Finish This Film Rather Insulted Than Scared.
Woody Woodpecker
Oh Hey, You Remember That Annoying Cartoon Bird That People Would Say Might Be More Insane Than That Bird That Talks About Cocoa Puffs, Well He Is Still Hugely Popular In South America So With A Completely English Speaking Crew, They Released This Movie In 2017 Down There And Sadly Up Here In 2018. Basic Formula Of Woody Wanting To Save His Own Forest From An Asshole Who Wants To Build An Investment Home While Also Dealing With Two Guys Who Want To Hunt Woody For Money Since He Is A Species Of Woodpecker That Was Thought To Be Extinct. It Is Not As Bad As Some Of The Others On This List, But When You Have A Joke Where Woody Poops On A Dumbass' Ice Cream (Who Then Eats It), I Kind Of Have To Nominate You.
Poll Closes on January 12 at 12 AM.
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