Saturday, November 24, 2018

Monster Crap Inductee: Blood Freak (1972)

Monster Crap Induction: Blood Freak
A Killer Turkey Man Movie With Drugs And…Religion???

1972

Sometimes in life, you just have to see another person reviewing a movie and go…that is a film I have to induct. Such was the case when I saw The Cinema Snob reviewing a movie called Blood Freak years ago. Now years later and thanks to a generous donation nearly a year ago from a good egg named Gus Richlen (I might do something for him later on to pay him back), I have finally seen the film and am ready to induct Blood Freak.

At first, you like I was thinking, hey…this movie has Steve Hawkes who was Tarzan. Well, I would be half right. While he is a Tarzan like character in a few 60s Spanish Language Tarzan movie (even called Tarzan in a few countries), he is actually Zan because these were technically not real Tarzan movies as according to Hawkes himself, the studio could not get the licensing rights to Tarzan from the Edgar Rice Burroughs estate. Also, he only was “Tarzan” twice and there is a very good reason for that which we will get into later. So, we have a not real Tarzan in an exploitation film that tries to market that it has a Tarzan in it. How did this happen?

Well, not much is known about the making of this film, so your guess is as good as mine. But somehow Steve Hawkes and Brad Grinter were able to make this 1972 exploitation film about drugs, religion (I don’t know why…maybe Steve Hawkes was religious, who knows.), and turkeys. And for some strange reason they would call it Blood Freak as if the idea of a killer turkey man was a bit too embarrassing to market (which might have been true).

Hell, Sometimes They Went Out Of Their Damn Way To Hide That It’s A Killer Turkey Man And Pretend It Is A Vampire Film (Which I Can Assure You, It Is Not).

So, let’s sit back and read about me watching Blood Freak.

Our movie begins with boiling water.


 Now add red coloring to this boiling water


And now you get boiling red water that looks like blood.

And Our Title Card

Because of Course It Is

We then go to our film’s narrator who is smoking a cigarette and obviously reading from script notes on the table as he talks to us about what a catalyst is.

Give It Up For The Other Co-Director Of This Film (Along With Steve Hawkes), Brad Grinter…..Everybody

Not that I would be any better, but here’s the difference. I’m not on camera reading this out to you.

So as the rest of the credits roll, we see Steve Hawkes (playing Hershel, so I will be calling him that through the rest of this movie) riding down the road when he sees a woman on the side of the road having car trouble and thinking, “Hey, She’s Pretty. I’m gonna help her.”


Oh, and I have a feeling the film thinks we forgot that Steve Hawkes is starring in this film because they post it again.

Thanks, But We Already Know He’s The Star…

Oh, and I do believe that the character Hershel’s name is based on Hershel Gordon Lewis (director of films like Blood Feast, Wizard of Gore, and Two Thousand Maniacs) so if you go my rarely used comments section to gripe at me for not bringing this up without reading the whole induction, that’s on your dumb ass.

Back to the movie, we never see them fix the car as she follows him on the road.

That Bastard Had The Nerve To Hit On Me, So I’m Gonna Hit On Him…WITH MY CAR!!!!!!

So, after the credits finish, we cut to the next scene which is this pretty woman’s house and she is showing Hershel around.

This Woman’s Name Is Angel. The Actress Playing Her Is Heather Hughes, However IMDB Also Says She Is “Heather Grinter (As Heather Hughes)”, Who Was The Witch In The Thumbelina Short For Santa Claus Meets The Ice Cream Bunny. Now The Reason I Am Saying That Quotation Marks as Heather Hughes And Heather Grinter (As Heather Hughes) Have Different IMDB Entries And Are Said To Play The Same Character So I Don’t Know What To Believe. Trust Me, I Looked It Up And Couldn’t Find Anything To Fix This Confusion.

We find out Angel is a nice person (based on her Christian upbringing) who has people in the house doing drugs along with her sister (as they are the sister’s friend).

And This Is Angel’s Sister, Ann. This Is Her Only Movie On IMDB So You Can Kind Of Guess She Is Only In This Movie Because She Is Pretty And That’s It.

Angel admits that she is not into this drug business thanks to her Christian values, but also because of her Christian values, she can’t exactly kick them out. She asks Hershel if he does drugs, which he says no, so Angel asks him to not start now.

After introductions (and Angel trying to get Ann to stop doing drugs with zero luck), Angel leaves to put away groceries. Hershel sits down with Ann and her friends and a blonde woman sitting close tries to hit on Hershel.


Hershel knows she has a boyfriend and says she shouldn’t be trying to hit on him. The blonde woman says that doesn’t matter and God wouldn’t mind if she went to bed with Hershel. Hershel is against this idea, so he calls her a tramp. This blonde woman leaves Hershel in a huff and goes over to her boyfriend drug dealer (named Guy).

I’m Gonna Guess This Is Randy Grinter (Director’s Son Who Also Does Camera Work And Sound On This Film). The Reason I Am Guessing Is Because The Film Never Says Who Randy Grinter Is Playing (Nor Do They Ever Say This Character’s Name). The Reason I’m Guessing Randy Grinter Is This Guy Is Because Randy Grinter Is Third On The Credits Line And Gus Appears The Most In The Movie Besides Hershel, Ann, Angel, And Our Narrator. This Will Be The Last Time I Talk About The Actors With No Clear Knowledge Of Their Name Because At This Point, I Think You Get That This Movie Is Really Giving Me Nothing To Work With Here On Names.

Guy sees that his blonde girlfriend is upset and asks what the problem is. The blonde woman explains what Hershel said to her and Guy decides that he will get back at Hershel somehow (because with Hershel the way he is, Guy can’t get his revenge right now). Angel comes back and introduces Hershel to two of her and Ann’s friends in Bob and Doris.


They talk a bit about Angel’s Christian beliefs with Ann making snide remarks about how her Christian values have become a drag to her.  Hershel talks to Angel about the bible stuff and seems very interested in the bible and its teachings. When Hershel brings up adultery as a sin, Angel strangely talks about how God says we commit adultery with sticks and stones. In my childhood of my mom trying to raise me as a Catholic (I haven’t been one for a while), I have never EVER heard anyone say that we commit adultery with sticks and stones. So that is how they get around the whole adultery thing for most of this movie. Ann tries to play with Hershel’s hair and basically signal that she is into him via non-verbal cues, but Hershel isn’t interested.

Angel then leaves and asks Hershel if he wants to come with her. Hershel wants to come with Angel, but Ann wants Hershel to stay and is upset that he is more interested in the bible than he is with her (don’t ask why Hershel would be interested in Ann as from the beginning up to this point, Hershel seemed interested in Angel). Hershel leaves and Angel and Ann talk. Ann is upset and believes Angel is trying to ruin her life and is judging her for her drugs. Angel says she isn’t and considering Angel has not kicked Ann out as well as her friends, she really isn’t judging. Angel says that she just wants to help Ann through this drug problem before it is too late. Ann says it probably is already too late and Angel says that it isn’t. Angel offers Ann to come with them and get help, but Ann says all she wants is Angel to go away.

Ann goes over to Guy and is upset that Hershel seems to be not interested in her. Guy then gives Ann stuff that will get someone hooked on drugs. And since Ann doesn’t want to get her sister hooked, she decides she wants to get Hershel. Of course, Guy is alright with that since you know, he needs to find a way to get back at Hershel for insulting his girlfriend and lies about the drug he is giving her won’t get someone hooked until they do six of whatever drug that he is giving her.

I Believe It Is A Joint And Given How Bad People Thought Marijuana Was, I’m Pretty Sure It Is Marijuana.

We go back to the narrator, who asks if we ever thing about the fantastic order of things in life. He talks about the two beautiful girls that Hershel has met with one being responsible, conservative, and concerned with how she can use her time and efforts to benefit her fellow man while the other is the exact opposite…or is she? And who are we to judge? He then talks about the strange things that people will interpret from the bible. Hershel has a lot of things to be grateful for, but how he reacts to things is what sets up the chain of events that will happen to him.

So, Angel introduces Hershel to another friend of her in a poultry farmer.


Hershel talks about how he needs a job and the farmer just so happens to have use of his services and basically says is it will entail some odd jobs around the place until they figure out where they can use him best. Angel also offers Hershel her and Ann’s place to stay until he gets off his feet, which he accepts. The poultry farmer tells Hershel he can start working on the farm at the first of the week.

The next day, Hershel goes to work on the pool for some reason as Ann comes in with a bikini and again tries to hit on him.


Hershel still seems uninterested in Ann or the joint she is offering him to smoke with her. That is until she asks how he can be such a coward for not smoking the joint with her. Seriously, to prove he is not a coward, he grabs the joint and smokes it. And gets hooked on the stuff while laughing with Ann like a giant buffoon.

I’m A Dumbass Who Fell For The Oldest Trick Of Peer Pressure In The Book

Ann is also able to convince Hershel to sleep with her even though Hershel wishes that Ann was more like Angel.

During This Love Scene, You May Notice Plenty Of Hershel’s Body Is Extremely Darker Than Other Parts. There Is A Very Good Reason For That.

You see, on the same year this film came out, Steve Hawkes would appear in a sequel to his original (Tar)Zan film called Tarzan and the Brown Prince. Steve and the actress who played Irula were doing a scene where they were tied down when as with these lower productions, less safety is enforced which caused a mistake to happen where some gasoline-soaked leaves caught on fire and Steve Hawkes got 90% of his body burned thanks to that mistake. It would probably have been worse if not for the fact that there was a lion on set who was trained to free the two from their binds at some point, actually did what it was trained to do and gnawed at the ropes to free them from their binds and eventually get them away from the fire. It was because of this lion’s efforts that Steve decided that in his house in Florida, he would have a sanctuary for big cats (as he felt this was how he was going to pay that lion back for saving his job. We’ll get back to this later as this doesn’t have a happy ending.

Also, the actress who played Irula in that Tarzan and the Brown Prince film, Kitty Swan. As far as I or plenty of people know, her career ended after that terrible accident as she would never act again. Just thought I would mention that to let you know that being an actress in a low budget production is truly dangerous.

Back to the film, we go to the narrator as he says that any man who refuses temptation from a woman like Ann, must be much LESS a man than Hershel. He then spouts off that the paths of life are predictable, yet we repeat them again and again.

Hershel then gets dressed as we get to see a nice shot of Ann’s ass. Hershel is mad at Ann as she didn’t set the alarm and he might be late to his new job at the poultry farm. Hershel rides his bike to the farm and once inside the area, he looks at all the turkeys as they gobble.

Sadly, none of these turkeys say “Goble, Goble, Mother Fucker”

Then we see Hershel try to play with some of the turkeys as well as make his own gobble noises.


The poultry farmer finally finds Hershel before he bothers the turkeys anymore, he then introduces him to two scientists named Leonard and Steve, who are working for an experiment involving turkeys. The scientists say Hershel will be doing odd jobs around the lab and if he wants to make a little extra money, he will be part of the experiments as a human guinea pig. The two say it isn’t dangerous at all. Oh, and while the farmer is not a drug user, these two scientists are and offer to give Hershel some of their supply if they help them with the experiments, as well as the extra money. Well, with a deal like that, Hershel easily accepts. One of the scientists tells Hershel to bring his appetite tomorrow as they will begin the experiments.

We then see Hershel working around the farm on getting eggs and catching a turkey that was trying to escape.

Hey Man, Let Me Go. Those Heartless Bastards Are Gonna Kill Me In There.

That night, Hershel gets home after a long day of work and is met by Ann. And we see that Hershel is suffering from withdrawal.

Man, Cartoon All Stars Could Have Really Been Useful Here In Telling Him The Million Wonderful Ways To Say No.

Ann calls Guy to get him over here and help Hershel get some drugs that he apparently is now hooked on. Hershel then basically blackmails Gus by force into giving him a steady supply of the stuff without cost as it’s his fault he is hooked on the stuff.

Yeah, Ann Gets No Blame For Any Of This (Or Hershel Himself For That Matter As He Is The Dumbass Who Took The Stuff Under the Reason Of Not Wanting To Be Called A Coward Anymore)

The next day, experiments begin as Hershel eats some experimental turkey.

Probably Was That Turkey He Caught That One Day

He eats a lot of turkey and he can’t eat another bite. He leaves as one of the scientists cleans up after him. Hershel walks a bit away when he suddenly passes out.


He then starts having a seizure and one of the scientists notice this. But instead of getting help, he and his buddy decide instead to drag Hershel off somewhere else, so they can’t be implicated in any wrongdoing. All of this is also done off-screen.

Aw Shit…..

The poultry farmer is a little upset about them dumping Hershel off-screen. He’s also upset that yes, they did the experiment this early on Hershel and calls the scientist a dumb bastard.

We then cut to Ann with Bob and she talks about how it isn’t like Hershel to not be home by now. Bob merely thinks Hershel has another source for his drugs and is probably not home due to that.

Back with the scientists, they think this whole experiment is getting out of hand and decide that they are going to quit before the cops come looking for Hershel since the poultry farm was the last place he was at.

So that night, Hershel is still having the seizures and after a cut, he wakes up. He goes back to see Ann, but Ann notices something extremely different about it.

Yeah, he Has A Paper Mache Turkey Head On.

This causes Ann to scream and faint. Now there are two problems that you will notice in several pics. One, the lighting is extremely terrible, so you won’t see much (although this having a smaller budget than AVP: Requiem, I will give this film some slack on that that was and will not be given to AVP: Requiem). The other is well, it wasn’t exactly easy to see out of that turkey head so Steve Hawkes (as Hershel) will be fumbling around, hoping he doesn’t hit anything.

Thankfully, Hershel can write since he can only make gobbling sound effects with his mouth and is able to explain to Ann after she wakes up that it is him. Then Ann goes into a rant, talking about this will be a lot to take in since she will wonder what will happen if they have kids and how he is not necessary as attractive as he used to be. Let’s just say this actress seems like she was reading off cue cards.

Ann is on the phone and is in tears over Hershel’s new transformation. We then go to the narrator who says “Interesting”.

Not Sure If You Really Think It Is Interesting

As the narrator is talking about the despair over this situation, we see that Ann was talking to Angel and Angel has now seen the new transformation of one Hershel. The narrator says that in the despair, we turn to God, a source that we scoff at when we are in a good place. But have caution and remember to be careful what you pray for.

Ann talks to Bob and another guy name Jim. The two haven’t been able to find Hershel, but Ann says that Hershel came back and is here now. She says it’s weird like out of Star Trek or the Twilight Zone. Bob asked if Ann has smoked any opium lately, which Ann denies. She then tells the two to come see for themselves. She then shows them Hershel and yeah…they see something is wrong.


Then at night Hershel decides to go out. He goes to the house that has Guy and that blonde from earlier. Hershel sees the blonde leaving the house and kidnaps her.


We then hear screams, so I guess this blonde is dead.

Back at Ann’s place, Jim and Bob say they will do all they can for Hershel, but don’t know what they are going to do. They talk about Hershel’s drug habit and Guy has apparently disappeared since Hershel had an issue with him. They all think Guy was a creep and the only thing he was good for was his supply of drugs. Ann thinks they should all take care of Hershel until he turns back to normal, but Jim and Bob think he may be a danger.

Elsewhere, a couple is doing drugs in a car when Hershel shows up. The lady gets out of the car and is immediately kidnapped by Hershel.


Hershel ties this woman in an upside-down crucifix. While another lady watches on in horror having just had the unfortunate bad luck of coming upon this scene, which is Hershel slitting the kidnapped woman’s throat and drinking the blood. The other woman of course, screams.


Ann wishes things could get back to normal but agrees with Jim and Bob that something has to be done. She then sends Jim and Bob to go get Hershel. Meanwhile. Hershel finds another random couple and once again kidnaps the girl.


Same thing happens to her although this time, there is no witness.

Kinda Weird To Hear Someone Screaming Despite Having Her Throat Slit. I Don’t Think You Can Do That. Also……Generic Scream Sound Effect Makes It The Same Scream As The Witness A Minute Ago.

A random old guy shows up and tries to stop Hershel, but he gets some hands around the throat and a death via strangulation for his trouble.


Someone else sees the old man’s dead body and mourns over him.


He tries to go after Hershel and is able to stab Hershel in his eye with Hershel’s own blade


Hershel or this random guy screams as Hershel grabs the blade from his eye and kills his attacker with it.


Guy finally shows up and tries to put the moves on Ann, but of course, Ann is not interested. Guy doesn’t understand why Ann won’t put out anymore and Ann says she is hung up on Hershel. Guy tries to say that Hershel isn’t as good as Ann thinks he is and lies about seeing him with someone else last night. Ann doesn’t believe him.

We then see a supplier making some drugs when Guy calls him to get some drugs. However, Guy owes this supplier money. Guy says he has the money and the supplier heads to his place. The supplier comes by and big shock, Guy does not have all the money he owes. However, Guy sees Ann sleeping and offers her up as collateral. When the supplier sees her, he decides to give Guy his drugs and starts to try and make the moves on Ann.


Ann wakes up and wants to have nothing to do with this guy who she doesn’t know, so the guy goes to rape and strangle her.


Hershel comes by, but unfortunately, he comes late as Ann is dead. The supplier is in fear now as he sees a pissed off Hershel.

It Was At That Time The Supplier Realized…..He Done Fucked Up

The supplier tries to run, but Hershel catches up to him and takes him to a saw board.


You might want to know that the actor playing this supplier is an actual amputee, so you can predict what happens to him.

Oh, And They Do A Cut So The Saw Goes To The Leg And Then We See The Damage.

Hershel is drinking the blood as the supplier bleeds to death. After losing the love of his life and with no end to his dilemma in sight, all Hershel can do is pray outside for it all to end.


And he gets his wish as Jim and Bob come by and cuts his head off, which we see in an actual turkey getting its head cut off.

After Much Thought, I Decided Not To Show The Actual Killing Of A Turkey. Sorry To The Sick Bastards Who Wanted To See It, But You Will Just Have To Trust Me In That It Is Rather Graphic.

Then we see Hershel’s head on a table as people are eating turkey.


Now, you would think that would be all for this movie, but no as this whole turkey headed Hershel business…was all a dream.


It’s also revealed that Hershel was already on drugs to deal with his issues from Vietnam before Ann gave him that joint at the pool, so any blame to any one but Hershel goes out the window. What we learn in a conversation between the poultry farmer and the scientists is that Hershel being high had a bad reaction with the chemicals in the turkey he ate, which caused the seizures. Hershel is upset with the scientists that they conducted these experiments without him there and tells them that they must never tell what happened here. The scientists agree to keep their mouths shut, but after the farmer leaves, they agree that they will also leave.

Angel gets a phone call from the farmer, who explains Hershel had an episode at the farm. Angel then calls Ann to tell her what happened. Ann blames herself for Hershel’s situation and is worried about facing Hershel now when Angel goes to pick him up, Angel says that if Hershel loves Ann, then he will understand. Ann still won’t go because she is so sure that Hershel wouldn’t understand. Ann then asks for Angel to speak on her behalf to Hershel.

That night, Angel picks up Hershel from the farm. Angel tries to apologize for Ann and Hershel is just upset. Angel says that Ann wouldn’t have given him the joint if she knew he was addicted to drugs and says that Ann really does love him. Angel says we all don’t know how things go, but we have to have faith. Hershel says that all the faith he ever had, he lost. Angel says that Hershel has to increase his faith and Hershel prays to God.


And we go back to our narrator. He tells us to not ignore the warnings and that this is a story based partly on fact and partly on probability. He also says however, the horrors that occur in the minds of people who mix their bodies with drugs and other chemicals are as real as the real horrors. Basically, he is telling us that when we take into your body any drug or chemical, you risk the untested reactions. Oh, and then our narrator talks about how the government is now using drugs and chemicals in our food and water.

Hey, Dumbass Crazy Man Alex Jones Says The Government Is Putting Chemicals In Our Water To Make The Frogs Gay.

The narrator tries to continue, but with him smoking that cigarette, he is subject to a coughing fit.

Hey, You Want To Have Coughing Fits, Kids……….Go Ahead And Smoke

We then have the final scene of this movie having Ann and Hershel reunite and embrace at the pier.


Now let’s talk about the aftermath of this film, it wasn’t very liked with even the star of this movie, Steve Hawkes, calling it “a sad chapter in his life”. There isn’t much known about what happened to the cast and crew after this film and while probably several people of this film have passed away, the only one I could find was Brad Grinter (the director and narrator), who died in 1993 at the age of 71.

Now I know I mentioned earlier that I would talk about what happened with Steve Hawkes big cat sanctuary and how it wasn’t a happy ending. Well, in July 13, 2004, his pet Bengal Tiger escaped the compound and ultimately was shot and killed by authorities. 6 days later, his house caught on fire thanks to a malfunctioning air conditioner, but they were able to extinguish the fire without any loss of life to human or animal alike. Finally, in 2012, Hawkes would be arrested, and his animals confiscated as he did not have a permit to keep those animals at his place.

Onto my final opinion on the film and let’s just say despite the insane ideas of a turkey man, drugs, and religion, the film is very boring. It is also poorly lit so at times, it was hard to see what was going on. The narrator bits were completely needless and laughable as you could see the guy obviously looking down to see what his next lines were. I would only recommend watching it once for a curiosity sake and never seeing it again. I honestly wish this was better, but ultimately…it’s just forgettable. And if I want to watch a Thanksgiving horror film, I’ll just watch Thankskilling instead.

So…

It’s Been A While, Asshole

Yeah, it has and unfortunately you can’t be gloating about your Fantasy record because you and I both have the same shitty record, which is surprisingly the best in a bet full of shitty teams this year.

Maybe, but I think it is time for me to reveal your December induction this year.

Wait, when did we agree on that.

We didn’t, but I have a feeling your hatred for this film is going to make you want to induct this one.

Oh really? What is it?

Let’s just say it is a live action remake to a cartoon that you watch every December and is deserving of your scorn.

Oh, It’s Fucking On…

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