Monster Crap
Inductee: The Howling 3: The Marsupials
Crap Goes Down Under
It’s
been a long time coming before we return once again to the Howling franchise
since my 46th induction, the mess that was The Howling 2: Your
Sister Is A Werewolf; a film so bad…that the late Christopher Lee would
apologize to the director of the original Howling film for being in that
sequel. But there are a few positives like the stunning Sybil Danning nude, Reb
Brown being Reb Brown, and of course, giving me the Horny Owl.
Now…
No…I
am not forgetting anything.
DAMMIT!!!
THAT IS NOT A HIGHLIGHT!!! THAT IS A LOWLIGHT THAT IS NOW STUCK IN MY HEAD
AGAIN!!!
So…yeah,
Howling 2 was not well received and nobody in the film has good memories of
making it, including Sybil Danning who was very upset the film repeated the one
shot of her ripping her top off in the end credits so many times (and no, I do
not wish to go back to count). Also, the director Phillipe Mora was so upset
that he bought the franchise name from the book’s author, so he could direct
the third film and redeem himself of that mess, and thus we have Howling 3,
which decides to have no continuation from Howling 2. I’m sure he felt that
would be for the best and honestly, I agree with him.
And
most of the cast is all from Australia in that period of Ozploitation where it
was at it’s highest. Most of the actors are people with not much for me to note
except a few. Frank Thring was The Collector in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and
Pontius Pilate in the 1959 epic, Ben Hur. Gerry Skilton was Nugget in the
Crocodile Dundee films, the first of which was released in 1986. Steve Rackman
would also be in all the Crocodile Dundee films as Donk. Oh, and let’s not
forget Peter Baird…who on the same year as this film, was Howard The Duck.
I
guess I should also talk about Ozploitation. It is a genre of exploitation
films shot mostly in Australia mostly by an Australian cast and crew, created
after the creation of the R rating that liked to at times push the limits of
what they could get away with in film. It is some cases creates classics like
the Mad Max series (yes, even Mad Max: Fury Road could be considered
Ozploitation), The Long Weekend, Patrick, Road Games, Turkey Shoot, Razorback,
Mad Dog Morgan, Wolf Creek, Wyrmwood, and Undead, . It also created starts like
Mel Gibson and has huge fans of the genre like Quentin Tarentino. In fact, if
you want to watch a very good documentary on the subject, may I recommend Not
Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation.
Well,
let’s get on with the movie.
We
begin with a Australian ripoff of the MGM logo
And
with what seems like lightsaber sound effects in the background, we get our
title card.
The
lightsaber sound effects disappear and are replaced with sounds you would hear
in the Australian Outback (merely a guess because I’ve never been to Australia
so apologies to Australians if I am dead wrong).
It
changes to color and at some point, the natives just decide and leave the
corpse behind.
We
then go to Leovich, Sibera where a man finds a dead body, he tries to knock on
the door to a nearby house, but no one enters. He runs to an area and screams
as we hear roars, pretty much signifying that this man suffered the same fate
that befell that corpse.
We
then go to a 1980s computer which gives you info on what happened in Leovich.
This
was at the National Intelligence Agency in the US and…
The
two agents talk about the KGB talking about something with Wolfman and one of
them thinks it means something, while the other one says he strongly doubts it.
The one doubter wants to call it in, but the other guy says to just call
Beckmeyer in Los Angeles about it because you know, he’s good with unexplained
phenomena.
Then
we go to a college in Los Angeles where Prof. Harry Beckmeyer is showing
students the footage of the natives killing the werewolf from earlier and he
says his grandfather shot this before he went missing in Australia. He talks
about how it doesn’t look like any mask or costume he has ever seen, even
though we all know that better effects have existed in 1987. He tells the
students that will be all for today and there will be no class tomorrow as he
has to go to Washington (DC, not the state).
At
what looks to be a nice place with an indoor pool, Beckmeyer is talking with the
president.
The
president asks Beckmeyer if the Shroud of Turin he found was a picture of Jesus
Christ and Beckmeyer doesn’t believe so. They continue before Beckmeyer asks
why they are being filmed and looks directly into the camera.
The
president tells Beckmeyer to pay no mind to it as they are just creating
footage for future generations (Oh dear god, they are talking about me. Stop
judging me when I am supposed to be judging you!). Beckmeyer says that the
people now possess evidence that werewolves exist. The president asks where and
Beckmeyer exclaims that they may exist in the Soviet Union (Russia for those
people who don’t know history). The president finds this preposterous and
thinks this is all a joke, but Beckmeyer tells him it isn’t one.
Beckmeyer
shows him a photo and the president first brushes this off as a freak of nature
that is born all the time. Our commander in chief then asks if the Soviets know
that we know any of this stuff, to which Beckmeyer says he isn’t too sure.
Beckmeyer says that these creatures exist in one other place, which is
Australia. The president says that Beckmeyer is as crazy as his grandfather was
and he may end up like his grandfather as steak tartare for head hunters. The
president has them turn the camera off and Beckmeyer asks what he means by
steak tartare, so the President has to legit tell Beckmeyer that it means raw
meat.
We
then see Beckmeyer in Australia where he is meeting with his friend, Prof.
Sharp.
Beckmeyer
tells Sharp that he needs to find some hard evidence that werewolves exist. He
talks about how there have been sightings in Russia and Sharp quips that they
have been doing a lot of vodka up there and a lot of beer here. Beckmeyer asks
Sharp when has he turned into such a conservative and Sharp responds that it
was after he discovered that Browning film of a supposed UFO was just a film of
a condom filled with dog shit and a flashlight. Okay, this I must see…
*Looks
it up on the internet*
Dammit,
the only thing I could find was a movie called Killer Condom.
Beckmeyer
laughs at this and says that you can’t win them all. We then change to a snow
globe of the Sydney Opera House.
This
snow globe is at what looks like a village for natives. One of the women is
Jerboa and is looking at the snow globe,
She
is interrupted by another woman who tells her that Thylo wants to see her, even
though she doesn’t want to see him. Two other women show up and all three of
them force Jerboa into meeting Thylo.
He
tries to force himself on her and Jerboa does a knee to the groin before she
runs away. We then see Jerboa on a bus as she is talking to a priest who is
obviously reading from a script off camera.
The
priest tells her not to fear as he only wants to help her and wonders why she
doesn’t want to go back home. Jerboa is blunt in saying her step-father tried
to rape her and he is a werewolf.
That
night, two drunks run into Jerboa who is sleeping on a bench in the park. They
want to party with her in a perverted way and she basically scares them off
with small inclinations that yep…that whole werewolf bit may not be a lie.
The
next morning, Jerboa is still sitting on that bench when she is spotted by a
man named Donny Martin.
She
thinks he is there to either attempt to rape her or return her to the village,
but after a short chase where he catches up to her, he reveals that he works as
assistant director on a movie called Shape Shifters Part 8 and he thought she
has the perfect person who is beautiful and wild looking. He notices that
Jerboa as no shoes and offers to take her to the set and cleaned up, which she
accepts. He introduces himself and she remarks that he has two first names.
On
that bus we see that the three women from the village are dressed as nuns and
when a kid is bothering one of the nuns, she roars at the little imp who cries
to his mom.
At
the movie set, Donny introduces Jerboa to the director of this film Jack
Citron.
Jack
asks if she really wants to be an actress and Jerboa says no, which is good in
his book because he likes a woman with brains. He also says that he thinks he
can smell a talent with her. He asks her if she can act like an animal and
Jerboa says yes to that one, which is also good as she will be perfect for this
movie. He talks about how this movie is basically anything except what it
really is…a cash in to previous films. He tells her that in her first scene,
she will be gang-raped by four monsters and all Jerboa can do is laugh. He
tells the two that Jerboa will need to be ready for her scene in a half an hour
and leaves.
She
is laughing, and Donny asks what is funny. Jerboa explains that werewolves
don’t actually look like that. Donny asks what she means by that and Jerboa
says that she means nothing by it (probably remembering that she should hide
that she is a werewolf herself). Donny tells her that Jack likes her and that
he is one of the best horror directors around. She asks what a horror director
is, and Jack asks if she has ever seen a horror movie before. Jerboa says that
where she comes from (a town called Flow), they don’t show movies, so he
decides that she needs to see a horror movie with him one night, something she
agrees to.
That
night, she sees the movie It Came From Uranus with Donny and if you have seen a
clip of this movie, seven times out of ten it is this scene where a nurse is
eaten by a very fake looking werewolf.
That
night after the movie, Donny and Jerboa are in bed at his place. Donny asks
what Jerboa meant by it doesn’t happen like that and Jerboa explains that it
isn’t the full moon that turns you into a werewolf (a HUGE departure at the
time from the norm as the full moon or night always worked in the movies in the
past). Donny asks how she would know and asks if she is a werewolf. Jerboa says
yes, but she doesn’t want to be. So, they make love.
It
is rather quick cut to after they did so (no Horny Owl appearance here) and
later on in the night, Donny notices a certain scar on Jerboa’s belly.
Donny
sees this as strange (and not the hair that is surrounding it), but goes back
to sleep because he doesn’t care.
Elsewhere,
Beckmeyer and Sharp are looking at the old footage from way earlier and they
have no clue where they filmed this. Beckmeyer once again explains how he needs
to find some tangible evidence of this being real. Sharp then responds that
what he needs is a smoking gun. The next day, they continue this conversation where
Beckmeyer says that what he needs is a whole werewolf alive. Sharp wonders if
they can get the Russians to cooperate on this and jokes that he always thought
Stalin was a bit of a werewolf. Beckmeyer laughs at that joke but tells Sharp
that it is unlikely they’ll get help from the Russians. They then see a
newspaper with the headline “Russian Ballerina Defects To Oz” (Oz Is Short For
Australia By How They Sound Similar And Not From Spelling). This headline
intrigues our professors as Sharp also reveals that her choreographer invited
him to a rehearsal.
We
then go back to the horror movie set where Jerboa is acting in a scene where
she is being attacked by a werewolf.
Jack
makes her do it again and again and after it is all done, Jerboa wonders if she
should do it again with Jack saying it was perfect and she will be their next
Kathleen Turner. They wrap up the film and talk about how they are having a
costume party. Jerboa thinks she can do better, but Jack says that what she did
was as good as any scene Janet Leigh did in the shower. She still wants to do
it and Jack jokes that she may be turning into a little monster, which Jerboa
smiles at.
As
Donny and Jerboa drive off, the werewolves posing as nuns sees them. We then
cut to the wrap party where everyone is having a fun time.
We
then see a sphere scope which is from Jerboa’s point of view.
In
the party, we see that the flashing lights are triggering Jerboa into
transforming.
She
decides to get Donny to leave her as they go to have sex away from everyone and
away from the lights.
She
gets a little too physical in her gyrations and Donny is hurt in his nether
regions by this. She runs away so she can avoid turning into a werewolf in
front of people as this is still too much for her. Donny after a minute, chases
after her. The chase goes to the streets, but while this is going on…the nuns
arrive to the party. Jack sees them in werewolf mode and this it is costumes
and lets them in, saying how great they look.
After
a minute, everyone (including the director) runs off scared as well, these are
real werewolves and not people in costume.
Jerboa
is taken to the hospital where doctors see her x-rays and it is nothing like
they have ever seen before. One of the doctors tells one of the nurses to get
Prof. Sharp down here fast and to seal up the hospital.
At
the hotel, Beckmeyer gets a call from Sharp, who tells him to meet him at the
General Hospital as they have found a girl with an extraordinary anatomy. A
nurse tells Donny that Jerboa is stable. She also tells him that the doctor
thinks Donny should go home, and they will see him in the morning. The nurse
also says that if there is any development, they will call him. With that
assurance, Donny decides to head home to get some rest.
As
the doctors are looking at the x-rays with Beckmeyer and Sharp where they
reveal that scar from earlier is a pouch, which is why this Howling 3 is also
called The Marsupials. One of the doctors thinks she is pregnant, and her
organs are working five times the rate of a normal person. He also reveals that
by all accounts, Jerboa should be dead. Beckmeyer calls that the understatement
of the night and he feels as if Rod Serling is going to appear at any second.
In
her dreams, Jerboa has a creature coming out of her belly as she and Donny
scream in horror.
With
images like this, the flashing lights, and a werewolf biting, Jerboa wakes up
and attacks one of the doctors.
Before
she can strange this doctor, others restrain her and are able to tranquilize
her with an injection. Sharp asks what Beckmeyer thinks and Beckmeyer can only
wonder how many more of them are out there. The werewolf nuns arrive and sit on
a bench waiting for most of the people to leave for the night.
Jerboa
wakes up again and knows that the nuns are coming so they enter.
Back
at the hotel, Beckmeyer tells Sharp that this means there is a new species and
that this has to be the greatest scientific discovery of all time. A marsupial
human that has evolved in secrecy. We go back to the hospital as the police
have shown up, but the whole hospital staff, as well as random people who were
still there, are dead and Jerboa has been taken.
Oh And One Of Those Dead Doctors Is An Australian Film Critic, So Yes To All Filmmakers, Plenty Of Film Critics Will Be In Your Film To Be A Random Killed Off Character (Including This Guy) As They Have A Sense Of Humor.
The
next day, we see Jerboa with the fake nuns on that same bus.
Donny
is being asked questions by Sharp and Beckmeyer, who merely say they want to
help. Donny is pissed that they lied to him at the hospital and Beckmeyer
apologizes for that. Donny says he doesn’t know much about her as he found her
at a park and just fell in love with her. The only thing they really get out of
him that is of any importance is that she came from a town called Flow. Donny
had never heard of it, but it must be a real small town as she had never seen a
movie before. Sharp then asks if he had sex with her, which Donny says he did.
They then reveal that when they found her, she was in a very early stage of
pregnancy. Donny asks if that means he is the father and they can’t answer that
fact as her anatomy is different them human women, so they don’t know how long
she has been pregnant or how long it will be before she delivers the baby.
Donny at this point says he has to find her, and they must help him do so.
The
military is secretly listening in on this conversation.
Back
in the village, Jerboa says that Thylo has no right to tell her what to do and
Thylo disagrees. Jerboa is taken away as the other villagers of Flow are doing
some sort of ritual with a photo of the ballerina whose picture we saw earlier.
We go to that ballerina named Olga Gorki as she is in her dressing room getting
ready for her rehearsal.
The
assistant sees nothing wrong but starts to see an image and a face of someone
who is supposed to be her mate. He draws it and it is a drawing of Thylo.
She
of course reacts in happiness to this and also shows her teeth in the most
awkward way possible while making mouth noises as well.
Someone
says that rehearsal is in five minutes, so she gets ready. At the rehearsal,
things look normal as Sharp and Beckmeyer are there watching on. Beckmeyer
thinks Olga is stunning. Suddenly as she is spinning around, she transforms
into a werewolf.
Beckmeyer
and Sharp notice the change as it is going on as do most of the dancers, but
one of the male dancers doesn’t as he just jumps right into Olga and she kills
him.
Olga
is taken to the hospital and is under watchful observation by Sharp and
Beckmeyer as well as the authorities. Olga wishes them to let her go and the
professors start asking questions. The power goes out as a werewolf comes into
and attacks a cop.
It
is shot dead and it is revealed to be the assistant.
I’m
Only Black Boxing This As A Safety Precaution, I Don’t Think This Guy Is
Showing His Junk In This Scene
But
while this happens, Olga turns into a werewolf.
She
kills a few people with pushing one out of the hospital window.
And
in one of the most bizarre soundtrack choices I have ever seen, as this poor
guy is falling, the song “All Fall Down” by A.J. Brown is playing.
It
is at this point that the professors and the authorities finally decide they
might want to check out this whole “Town of Flow” business.
The
town of Flow is a freaking ghost town and Beckmeyer finally comes to the
realization that…
Okay,
Flow is Wolf spelled backwards, but I’m sure plenty of you were yelling at the
screen that Flow is Wolf spelled backwards anytime it was mentioned. Trust me,
I know…I was doing it to when I was watching the first time. They come across a
bloke who for some reason likes to introduce himself to people by running up
and trying to scare them with his yells.
Kendi
tells them that he is getting people asking if they have seen wolfman all day.
Beckmeyer thinks the limp arm he sees is of a dead guy that Kendi has horribly
hidden, but it is in fact another old guy who is fine.
When
asked if there is any other town people, the other old guy says that it is none
of their damn business.
In
the village encampment, as most of the people are preparing for the new arrival
and Thylo is taking a nap, Jerboa decides that she can sneak off away from the
others. And she does so quite easily as she is able to hide out in a nearby
cabin and takes her clothes off.
At
this cabin, she gives birth to the baby.
She
uses her smell with her fingers to help guide the baby to her pouch.
Meanwhile,
Olga finally shows up to the village encampment where she meets her mate in
Thylo in what is going to be a joining of Russian Werewolves & Australian
Werewolves.
At
a military encampment nearby, they are strategizing what they are going to do.
Beckmeyer doesn’t want the army guys to go in killing the werewolves because
this is a new species that should be studied. But several people including
Sharp believed they should be all killed as they are evolutionary freaks who
have killed enough already, despite Beckmeyer’s argument of how many of theirs
we have killed as they are nearly extinct.
We
then see the werewolf baby getting cozy within Jerboa’s pouch and Donny setting
up camp within a cave with a number of cave drawings to illustrate werewolves
in Australia.
Suddenly,
Jerboa shows up in the cave and we have a happy reunion between the two lovers.
Jerboa also reveals the baby in her pouch.
Surprisingly,
Donny is happy to see this and not terrified out of his gourd at this baby like
I know most people would be. We also find out that it is a boy as the couple
kisses. Jerboa says that they need to get out of here as the whole place is
surrounded by cops. Donny asks how she found him, and Jerboa says that she was
drawn to him as she could sense when he was close. Donny pledges that they will
never be separated again.
The
next day, the couple is trying to go back into normal civilization as the
authorities raid the encampment and capture Thylo.
Beckmeyer
is with a cuffed Olga and asks why she came here. After some convincing that
Beckmeyer wants the best for this newfound species, she eventually agrees to be
put under hypnosis, so he can know more about them. While under hypnosis in the
hospital, Olga reveals that she came from the snow and that she is a
lycanthrope. While we don’t get any other real answers, we do see that
Beckmeyer may be falling for Olga, something that Sharp tells him afterwards.
Elsewhere,
Donny and Jerboa are still in hiding when they are found by Kendi (in the only
scene where he decides not to greet people by trying to scare them). He reveals
that they can never go back home as it has been found out and they better be
careful as there are hunters still around.
We
then get………ah jeez, this scene.
Everything
up to this point, Beckmeyer has shown himself to be very careful in wanting to
make the werewolves not be killers because of his stupidity. Unfortunately,
this is where he decides to goof that narrative up. When talking to Thylo
(where we first find out that Thylo knew Olga would be his mate because his mom
told him that it would be a woman from the north as the stars told his mom), he
decides that he should start flashing bright lights at him and despite all
evidence showing he needs to stop (since if Thylo is mad, he changes) before
Thylo starts turning and killing people, he keeps doing it. Even Sharp tells
him to stop, but he doesn’t until it is too late and Thylo is now a raging
beast.
Beckmeyer
tries to have Sharp get a tranquilizer gun to calm Thylo and it is only through
Sharp shooting Thylo with a dart that Beckmeyer is still alive. Sharp wonders
if Beckmeyer could be one of them now since he has some nasty wounds, but
Beckmeyer says that it doesn’t happen through a bite. Sharp is definitely happy
that Beckmeyer is so confident in that. And remember when I said earlier that Tasmanian
Tiger or Wolf (it’s really called a Thylacine) showing in the the opening
credits would be important. Well, the stripes on the back of Thylo are the same
as that thylacine, making them believe that this kind of werewolf is related to
the thylacine.
I
guess it is time for some history and why this thylacine revelation is important
to this film. Thylacines were a species of carnivorous marsupial that sadly became
classified as extinct in 1986 after 50 years of not having definitive proof
that it was alive. While disease, the introduction of dogs to Australia, and
human encroachment have been somewhat blamed for this, the most common cause
for this extinction is that our European ancestors when they came to their
world intensively hunted them as there were huge bounties put on their heads. The
last thylacine in captivity (a male named “Benjamin”) died in 1936 due to
neglect as it was locked out of its indoor sleeping quarters and a rare
occurrence of extreme heat at day while extreme cold happened at night killed
it. It is considered to the animal scientific community as one of our hugest
regrets in stopping a species from going extinct.
Back
to the movie, the professors watch the footage of the one in captivity being
filmed in 1933 and there have been no credible sightings since. Basically, this
realization is what drives Beckmeyer to want to keep this werewolf species
alive more than ever as he really doesn’t want history to repeat itself with
these werewolves suffering the sad fate as the thylacine cousins. Back to
interviewing a now calm Thylo (yes, they also get the idea that Thylo’s name is
closely resembling that of thylacine), he reveals that their species was born
from them as when the hunters killed them, their spirit came into their tribe.
Thylo finally goes to sleep and when asked what he thinks, Sharp says that it
is just delusional ramblings of a genetic freak on hallucinogenic drugs.
Beckmeyer is insulted that Sharp is on the camp of hating this new species for
existing since they are both scientists and the first thing is to wonder why.
Sharp coldly says that he liked it better when it was unexplained phenomena.
At
a meeting with army generals, Beckmeyer tries to plead his case for keeping
these creatures alive for study. However, the army is of the extreme opinion
that they pose a threat so therefore they should be wiped out. One of the
generals reveals that they have been delving into their records and found some
things. These werewolves started being killed by the British under the order
from Queen Victoria in 1888. A year later, President Harrison gave the same
order to the US army. There was a total secrecy imposed on the operation
because the nature of their existence would be so alarming that panic would
occur with the general public. The result of this secret operation was that in
1910, they were believed to be extinct and the Pope believed they were a satanic
manifestation and asked both governments to keep it secret. The generals asked
the Vatican to confirm the information in their archives and they did confirm
it. Beckmeyer wants to speak to the president, but there is no need as the
president has given the generals complete authority to deal with this matter.
They give Beckmeyer their papers as proof of the authorization and now he has
to report to them. We get one last shot of the thylacine to show that this is
bad.
Beckmeyer
leaves the meeting upset and conveys how bad this is as he is walking outside
with Sharp. Sharp however thinks the generals may be right as we need to deal
with safety first and then experiments later. Beckmeyer compares this to
burning witches and Sharp admits while he is an atheist, these werewolves scare
him. Sharp says this is not like Beckmeyer’s past discoveries, but Beckmeyer
still has things he wants answered about these werewolves as he leaves.
We
then see Beckmeyer talking to Olga and Olga says that yes, she is a different
kind of werewolf than Thylo. When asked if Olga knows what a marsupial is, she
basically describes a marsupial a creature that has their youth born in an
embryotic stage and they travel to the pouch, so they can survive until they
grow to the point where they don’t need the warmth of a pouch anymore. This was
done so that when if the mother was killed, the newborn still had a chance. She
says that when her tribe’s mothers were hunted, the newborn had no chance. We
find out that there are other tribes in Africa, in China, and maybe California
(kind of the only reference to the first film). Olga begs Beckmeyer to help
them to get their freedom and we all see that this is part of the hypnosis she
is under as I guess they continued with it. He tells her that she and Thylo to
stay calm as he will do the best he can.
Meanwhile,
Donny and Jerboa (with the baby) are by the lake, but they run when Jerboa sees
that there are hunters nearby who have guns at them, preparing to shoot. The
hunters say they need to get more help to hunt them.
Beckmeyer
then frees Olga and Thylo from their cage and he tells them to follow him. Beckmeyer
drives with the two away, but a cop sees them immediately and relays the news
to the generals and Sharp. The generals see the cages empty and they think
Beckmeyer may now be one of them. Sharp says that he has known him for years
and there is no way he is a werewolf. The generals say they are sending in an
Omega team after them.
Meanwhile,
we see Beckmeyer with Olga and Thylo drive through a police barricade and the
cops give chase. After a few minutes of a chase scene, the cops lose them as
too much dirt clouded their windshield. They wonder what caused them to lose
the car they were chasing and they make jokes about it. Meanwhile, we see a paw
print.
We
see Donny and Jerboa with the baby at near the bottom of a cliff and Donny is
playing with the baby. Elsewhere, we see the hunters with a tracker where they
think they saw something, and they decide to shoot. It sadly was a kangaroo;
however, they give away their position to Donny and Jerboa. Kendi does show up
and tries to scare our couple for some reason.
Jerboa
says Kendi shouldn’t do that and says they want to go to the high country.
Kendi warns them that the hunters are nearby, and they have a great black
tracker (aboriginal tracker), so they better hurry. He tells Jerboa that a
phantom visited him in his dream last night and told him that there is danger
everywhere. Jerboa is shaken after hearing that and Donny tries to calm her
down by saying it was just a dream. Jerboa tells Donny that phantoms first come
in dreams and come in reality last. Kendi tells them to get going as he will
see them later. As they continue to walk, Donny asks about the phantom, and
Jerboa explains that he made all of them. Stories go that he is the spirit of a
man who once loved a wolf and they had children who are half wolf and half
human. This sounds a lot like a reverse version of Wolf Children.
Anyway,
when this man died, he became a big wolf who visited members of this werewolf
tribe in their dreams. Donny reveals that there is no way that a man could have
kids with a wolf and Jerboa says in another story a water mammal (don’t know
which one she said because of the accent) took a duck for a wife and that is
how we have platypuses. Donny laughs and says that sounds like a Kendi story.
Jerboa says that it is a true story and Donny just smiles and says that if it is
real, he hopes the phantom is on their side. Jerboa says that sometimes the
phantom is on their side and sometimes it isn’t.
Beckmeyer,
Olga, and Thylo arrive at Flow. Spud greets them and is glad to see that Thylo
is alive. Spud asks where the rest of the tribe are and Thylo says they are in
cages. Spud calls the humans who caged them bastards. Thylo asks where Kendi is
and Spud says that he has gone off to warn Jerboa as the hunters are after
them. Beckmeyer says the police are after them and Spud recommends they go bush
(go on foot in the Australian outback). Spud also gives Beckmeyer his rifle and
bullets in case he may need it. Beckmeyer wants to ask if Spud is a werewolf
too and Spud interrupts him by saying that he is Thylo’s cousin through marriage,
saying that while he isn’t a werewolf himself, he is on their side. As they
leave, Spud wishes them good luck.
On
a cliff, we see Kendi all white paint with stripes like a thylacine.
He
is doing a chant, asking the phantom to come into him so he can help Jerboa and
Donny get away with their baby. He turns into a werewolf through some bad cuts.
The
hunters are in the outback looking for the couple. The tracker sees giant paw
prints and warns them that they should go back as the print is the sign of an
evil spirit, but the hunters refuse as they want to find them before dark. The
lead hunters try to give the tracker more money to continue on, but he refuses
and after some description of the evil spirit, some of the background hunters
leave as well. The lead hunters say they can continue on and they don’t need
the tracker or the other hunters as they have several hours before dark.
Unfortunately
for them, the tracker was right as a werewolf (obviously Kendi) attacks the
hunters and kills them.
After
the hunters are all killed, we see that when you summon the phantom to come in
you, you die afterwards as Kendi lies dying.
Jerboa
and Donny hear Kendi calling for Jerboa and we see a voice calling Thylo that
may be the phantom. Beckmeyer, Thylo,
and Olga find Kendi on his last breaths. He explains how the phantom got inside
him and he was trying to save the little one. Jerboa and Donny also come
towards them and Jerboa tries to tell Kendi that he will turn into a river,
then a rainbow, and finally a mountain. Kendi says that isn’t happening as he
is just going to die, and then he dies. The five of them give Kendi a funeral
pyre.
As
the five camp out, we have a moment of two men trying to alpha male as Donny
and Thylo get into a bit of an argument. Beckmeyer says we shouldn’t do this
now and points a gun at Thylo, saying that they will all die if this alpha male
shit continues. Olga tries slapping some sense into Thylo, but all this does is
get Thylo to leave the group, despite Olga trying to get him to come back.
Meanwhile,
the Omega Men come to the remains of Kendi’s body (which is all skeleton).
However, there is just one small problem.
The
werewolf skeleton attacks the two soldiers, but one of the soldiers eventually
blow it to kingdom come with their guns.
Back
with the now foursome, Beckmeyer sits with Olga and says he thinks they should
leave soon. Olga says they can go, but she will wait for Thylo. Jerboa says
they can’t go without her. Olga asks if she thinks Thylo would be able to find
them if they left and she says yes. Olga agrees to go with them. And good think
she did as I have a feeling Thylo isn’t coming back.
The
Omega Team camp for the night with the black one getting first watch.
If
you know any tired trope about black guys in horror movies, it’s that normally
they are the first ones to go and this film is no different as the black guy
dies. But we don’t get to see his death. However, we do see the death of the
other soldier as he gets attacked by a big wolf (obviously Thylo) and his only
means of defense is a bazooka, which kills them both.
At
a gym, Sharp is meeting with the president. Sharp says that while he originally
agreed with the president’s policy on the werewolves, he now thinks they should
stop the killings for the sake of humanity. The president says these things are
not human, but Sharp says they are at least half human. The president asks
about Beckmeyer and Sharp says he hasn’t heard a thing from him as he believes
he fell in love with the Russian werewolf (Olga). The president asks if it was
female and Sharp says yes, which the president responds, “Thank Christ For
That”. This was the 80s and still this guy is an asshole, so you can hate him
all you want.
Back
in the Outback, we finally see Olga fall for Beckmeyer as well. Beckmeyer asks
about Thylo and she says he is gone forever. Besides, Olga now thinks that she
never really loved him. Then they kiss.
The
two couples now live in the Outback and Olga has a kid with Beckmeyer.
Years
pass as they live out there away from any form of communication and society.
Then Donny and Jerboa decide that one day that they want to go back and live
their lives in the city. They also say they will change their looks and
identities. The two couples say their goodbyes as Jerboa and Donny leave with
their son named Zac.
A
decade passes (which we see Beckmeyer helping to teach Gracie her ABCs) since
then and Sharp finally manages to find Beckmeyer, Olga (who has another kid
now), and Gracie.
Sharp
tells him that he can come back as all is forgiven. Sharp then explains that
for the first few years, his predictions were correct in that the generals
began executing werewolves left and right like it was witch burnings. Sharp
tried to get the president to stop it. But then the strangest thing happened,
the Pope decided that lycanthropes were not the devil’s work and that we were
all God’s Children. He declared an amnesty and the president endorsed it.
Beckmeyer asks if this is all true or if he is dreaming, which Sharp responds
that he isn’t dreaming. Olga asks about Jerboa and Donny and Sharp has no idea
what happened to them. But the bottom line is that the hysteria to kill
werewolves is all over. Sharp quotes Shakespeare (although he changes a few of
the words) by saying this.
Sharp: Truth is always
strange. And there are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than you can
shake a boomerang at.
We
then see Jerboa becoming an actress and celebrity with Donny becoming a
director.
Beckmeyer
gets a job as a professor at the University of San Andreas and shows the same
footage from the beginning. He reveals that it has now been 8 years since Sharp
found them and while teaching here, he has been doing lectures all over the
world about his experiences. A female student asks if he ever found out what
ever happened to Donny and Jerboa. He says that they never did find them. He
ends today’s class, but afterwards he gets a HUGE surprise when he finds out
from one of his students that the very student he is now talking to is Zac.
They
hug each other, and Donny reveals the new identities of Donny and Jerboa as
Sully Spellenberg and Loretta Carson. He reveals that his mother will be at
this film’s version of the Oscars as she is nominated for Best Actress. So
Beckmeyer and Olga watch TV that night.
It
is the time to find out who will get the award for Best Actress and the
presenter is…
We
also see that Sharp is watching as well.
And
we find out the three werewolves that were nuns earlier are also still alive
and watching.
The
winner is of course Loretta Carson who accepts the award.
Unfortunately,
the camera flashes get to Loretta and she ends up turning into a werewolf on
stage to the horror of Dame Edna, Beckmeyer, and Olga.
Meanwhile,
the werewolf women howl and Sharp laughs.
The
film ends of an earlier scene where Jack Citron yells cut.
Lots
of aftermath from this film and most of it sad, but we do have one bright spot. Barry Humphries (who was Dame Edna Everage) continued to do some great work with
the character in Australian works and would also find notable parts as a voice
actor. If you ever watched Finding Nemo, you might know him as a small
character in the film.
But
sadly, we have had a lot of people who passed away since this film was
released. Frank Thring (who played Jack Citron) died in 1994 at the age of 68
from cancer. Allen Penney (who played Spud) died in 1996. Peter Armstrong (who
played Hunter #4) left this mortal coil in 2001 at the age of 64. Peter Baird
(who played Omega #1) left this mortal coil in 2004 at the age of 52 from
esophageal cancer. Michael Pate (who played the President) died in 2008 at the
age of 88 from pneumonia and chest infection. David Cahill (who played Doctor
#2) passed away in 2008 at the age of 87. Alan Dargin (who played the Tracker)
left this mortal coil in 2008 at the age of 41 from a stroke. Jon Ewing (who
played General Ewing) passed away in 2014 at the age of 77. Max Fairchild (who
played Thylo) died in 2017 at the age of 71 from cancer.
Now
for my final opinion on this film. I actually like this film as it’s rare to
see a werewolf film that in a way makes the werewolves not the ultimate baddies
in a solo film of them. I think the other film I saw this from was Wolfen and
you know that Wolfen is my favorite of those type of films (although someone
can argue that Wolfen is not a werewolf movie). I will mention that I enjoy the
first Howling film more, but out of the sequels, Howling 3 is probably the best
one. The special effects are great (most of the time as sometimes they seem a
bit silly) and most of the acting is decent (although the opening the mouths
and showing their teeth part is always bizarre and strange). This is a film I
would recommend, and I am glad to finally be reviewing this film.
Unfortunately, any later Howling movie……is gonna suck getting though.
Now
thankfully, I wont need NegaSeth to tell me the next film because thanks to a
donation from a good friend of mine named Gus Richlen. In fact, he donated it
to me last year since I made a whole thing is if I get this film sent to me, I
will induct it in November 2018. Keeping my word here so the next induction
is….
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