Monster Crap Inductee: Demonic Toys (1992)

Monster Crap Inductee: Demonic Toys
Toys That Want To Play With Your Fetus? Someone Call Chris Hansen!

1992

Sigh…

You know, it always sucks to lose a family member who you have known all your life and like losing my godfather, Uncle Don, I really was in a funk. But unlike that death which caused a delay in the induction of See No Evil, I have now a whole month to do an induction and not a freaking week or two like back then. So as the old saying goes, the show must go on.

And speaking of the show going on, I guess it is once again time to visit the world that is created by Charles Band.

Have His Autograph Framed On My Wall

Like I have said before, Charles Band, Roger Corman, SyFy Originals and The Asylum are always going to easily find new films that will belong to the site known as Monster Crap because no matter how much we bash on the guys and no matter how much venom they have gotten spewed at them, they make movies on the cheap and are always easily able to make a profit. Add that to the fact that they easily love what they are doing and the only way these guys and studios are going to stop is probably through death. I’m of course not complaining because these guys are always going to give me material to use for years on in, especially when there films seem to have a special type of charm to them for the most part which is for the most part lacking in most big budget Hollywood films you see on this site.

And this month’s induction is no exception as Charles Band decided to create another film that has no doubt gotten a sequel, but has also gotten two crossover movies with other Charles Band movie franchises. It is of course the 1992 film known as Demonic Toys. Now like most of these films, there is not much note about the production so let’s get to the actual actors before this film and an actor (and a character) who were in previous inductions.

Tracey Scoggins (who plays Judith) was in Dynasty and the spinoff series The Colbys as Monica Colby. Bentley Mitchum is the grandson of legendary actor Robert Mitchum, nephew of James Mitchum (who you might remember as Travis from Monstroid), and ex-brother in law of Casper Van Dien (who you might remember from Python and Dracula 3000). Pete Schrum (who plays Charnetski) played the shotgun wielding bartender in Terminator 2. Oh I should also that Barry Lynch (who played Hesse) has a brother named Richard Lynch, who you might remember as being in Werewolf.

Larry Cedar is in this film and if you don’t know who he is, he was Graves from CHUD II: Bud The Chud.

Yeah….The Colonel’s Advisor Is In This Film

And he was the District Attorney in Pinocchio’s Revenge.

Oh and how can we forget that Jack Attack, one of the Demonic Toys, was in Evil Bong.

 

So with all that being said, let’s get to playing with these Demonic Toys and let’s see how it is.

We begin this film with opening credits that are shown over still shots of the toys that are going to be demonic here.

That Would Be A Guess, Of Course. But I’m Somehow Pretty Sure Of This Guess. Don’t Ask Me How, I Just Am.

Somehow I Doubt Full Moon Was Able To Get The Batman Villain To Perform For Them, Although Knowing How Psychotic The Joker Is, I Wouldn’t Put It Past Him.

Also, I Should Mention The Director Of This Film Was Responsible For The Cave Beast Segment In That Film Spoony One Reviewed Called The Dungeonmaster (AKA Ragewar)

After my snarking through the credits are done, we get to a scene where a woman is watching two boys play a card game of War.

 

They seem to get the same card so they continue to play the game. Um….guys, that is virtually impossible unless you two dweebs decided to freaking stack your decks purposefully for this to happen and I don’t think one card draw in War would actually mean anything as the way you play war (most commonly) is you get all of the cards through winning enough battles to the point that your opponent has nothing.

We find out this is all the dream of our main star of the film, Judith.

 

She is of course telling her partner, Matt Cable, about this dream.

 

By the way, the two are also sleeping together as they talk about moving in together, eventually getting married, and having kids. I don’t know about this precinct or any other area of work, but normally it is very very frowned upon for two cops (let alone partners) to be dating each other. But I guess this precinct is okay with these things because not only are these two sleeping with each other, but Judith reveals that she is now pregnant.

By the way, they are on a bust as they are waiting for two criminals who will try to make a deal with them and the plan is for the criminals to get arrested after the deal is made (which in this case is for black market firearms).

By The Way, One Of These Guys Is Happy That He Isn’t Getting Killed By The Toxic Avenger

Since Matt took the whole news of Judith being pregnant quite well and seemed to be thrilled at the prospects of becoming a dad, you know where this deal is going quick. The deal goes as planned until Matt shows his gun and plans on placing the two under arrest. Hesse (the blond one) throws the gun at Matt’s back so Matt shoots him, leaving the black haired Lincoln enough time to shove Judith out of the way, get his gun out and shoot Matt.

Judith now decides to get her gun out as Lincoln and an injured Hesse make a run for it. Judith checks on Matt, but Matt is dead. Judith yells “You Bastards!!” and goes after the two, not even bothering to call this in or call for freaking backup.

Bad Qualities To Have When You Are A Cop

Lincoln and Hesse run into a toy warehouse that is closed for the night and Lincoln decides to ditch his wounded partner because he is just slowing him down.

No Honor Amongst Thieves, As The Saying Goes

Hesse finds a place to hide so Judith goes past him as she is really after Lincoln for killing her partner/boyfriend.

Not Even Bothering To Look Behind Boxes Where Someone Could Easily Hide: Another Strike Against This Cop. Boy Is She Going To Get Verbally Reamed By Her Superiors The Next Day.

All this action in the closed warehouse is oblivious to the security guard named Charnetski.

 

He is of course looking at a nudie magazine and decides that he is hungry for some chicken so he calls Chunky Chicken. This nerd guy calls and Charnetski tells him to get off the phone so he can talk to the guy he usually talks to, Mark.

 

Charnetski orders the usual order Chunk-style and tells Mark to make sure they bring honey this time as they always seem to skimp out on that. Mark decides to get the order ready while smoking a cigarette. This cigarette of course pisses off the manager named Mr. Peterson who tells him to put it out.

I Finally Get Away From Dealing With Bud The Chud And Now I Have To Deal With This Crap.

The nerdy guy also tries to claim that Mark was also being very verbally abusive to him, even though the only person who we saw verbally abusive to him was Charnetski, who called him Hammerhead before he told him to give Mark the phone. Mark responds by shoving the nerdy guy down. Peterson warns Mark that he is on very thin ice and he better get back here immediately after making the delivery, but Mark says maybe he won’t come back and maybe he will plow the chicken mobile into the river.

Yeah, Plow That Stupid Thing Into The River….Please.

Back at the toy factory, Judith is still looking for Lincoln while Hesse crawls over to a noticeable crack on the floor that lights up.

The Owners Of The Toy Warehouse Might Want To Get That Fixed Fast As That Is A Definite Safety Hazard.

Hesse decides to crawl towards the cracks that light is shining on (instead of what normal people do in his condition do, which is don’t go into the light).

Zelda Rubinstein In PolterGeist Taught Me That Lesson, Even Though She Was Speaking To Carol Anne

As Hesse is bleeding onto the crack, several toys start coming to life.

A Baby Doll (Baby Oopsie Daisy)

A Teddy Bear (Grizzly Teddy)

And A Toy Robot (Mr. Static)

Now wait….I know from the cover that there was one more toy that came to life to be demonic. But what is that toy?

Oh yeah……A Jack-In-The-Box (Jack Attack), who comes out of his box to bite off part of his face

 

Meanwhile after a short fight (including certain shots to the abdomen that you would think would cause very bad pains to the fetus and even a miscarriage, but not here), Judith finally is able to subdue Lincoln in a room.

 

She says that he is under arrest. Lincoln responds by saying he must have shot her partner real good, which gets her to kick him.

Excessive Force….Yeah, I’m Gonna Need To See Your Badge And Gun There, Miss.

He then laughs and says that he will be out of jail quickly since this is entrapment. No…no, Lincoln…entrapment is when police authorities get you to commit a crime that you wouldn’t commit. You were going to sell those illegal guns to the cartel if you hadn’t tried to sell into to the two undercover cops so you trying to call entrapment here is extremely stupid. The fact that you had the black market firearms to begin with will get you to serve some time. Add to the fact that you killed a freaking cop (regardless if he was undercover) means that you might face the death penalty. Now since she did kick you dead in the face, you can have her badge for excessive force, but yeah…you would still be doing time if not getting executed so no points there.

Back to Hesse who is bleeding and he gets his finger bitten off by Grizzly Teddy.

Yeah, That Finger Loss Is On You, Hesse. In Fact, This Whole Thing May Be On You For Even Going Towards The Giant Cracks With Light Shining On Them.

A child comes in and talks to Hesse in a demonic voice.

 

The boy (known just as The Kid) says that he has been waiting a long time for someone like him to show up and we are going to have a lot of fun tonight. In fact, as he says, we are going to raise some hell.

Oh Hell…..Yeah

The Kid then sends Mr. Static over to kill Hesse by shooting at him with actual lasers, which only demonic toys.

Sorry Regular Kids, But Only Demonic Kids Get Those

This noise starts getting noticed by Charnetski, but I am more interested in seeing what he is watching on his little TV.

Hey, He Is Watching Puppet Master. I’ll Eventually Have To Start Inducting Those Films.

Judith and Lincoln get locked into the room by a closing door (mystical forces do that I guess). Judith reveals they are locked in and they have to wait till morning, which Lincoln doesn’t want to do because he has his rights. Judith says that he doesn’t get shit as he killed her partner and he is lucky she doesn’t put a bullet in his head and call it self-defense. Yeah, Judith…that wouldn’t work either because the cuffs leave noticeable marks that any forensic person with half a brain would see and notice that he was handcuffed at the time he was shot. Do that and you will be facing murder charges yourself, cop lady.

You’re Not Very Good At This Job, Are You Judith??

Charnetski just brushes off the noises to just him hearing things. Mark shows up with the food and Charnetski lets him in. Judith hears the doors opening and tries to get Mark’s attention, but fails. Mark gives Charnetski his food and the two decide to have a conversation while drinking some beer. Charnetski even shows him Miss July from the Nudie magazine and Mark is impressed with Charnetski saying that her type of attractiveness brings a tear to your eye.

Judith finally decides to start shooting her gun at the door and both Mark and Charnetski hear it. They find the cop and criminal and open the door. Judith reveals that she has a criminal in her custody and needs to call for backup (something she should have done already). Charnetski decides to leave Mark in the room with Judith and Lincoln as he goes alone with his gun to get to the only working phone, knowing there might be another criminal out there even if he is wounded. Grizzly Teddy uses a baseball bat to knock Charnetski down (Mark of course sees this as Charnetski falling).

Baby Oopsie Daisy shows up to introduce himself and asks if Charnetski will be his special friend. As Charnetski wonders what the hell is going on, Baby Oopsie Daisy says that he can walk, talk, and shit his pants. He then asks the security guard if he can shit his pants before grabbing the gun and shooting him in the leg.

 

Mark sees all of this and realizes someone shot Charnetski. Charnetski is mad while Baby Oopsie Daisy says “Oopsie Daisy” and then laughs.

Something Is Either Not Right With Baby Oopsie Daisy Or He Decided That He Needed To Have Less Teeth Than WWE’s The Boogeyman.

Judith tries to open the door, but Baby Oopsie Daisy shoots to keep them at bay. Jack Attack then strangles the security guard as Grizzly Teddy bites his face off.

 

Lincoln tries to make a move to attack Judith, but being handcuff doesn’t get him far and he ends up handcuffed to a shelf. Mark yells for Charnetski to get up, but it gets worse for Charnetski as Baby Oopsie Daisy stabs him in the crouch.

Ooh Nasty…

The three’s combined attacks kill Charnetski.

 

Mark tells Judith that the toys killed him and Grizzly Teddy tries to break in. Mark is able to lock the door as Baby Oopsie Daisy drags the security guard’s body.

 

A laugh is heard by everyone and Mark asks someone to tell him what the fuck is going on here.

Enter Runaway Anne, Or Person Who Tells Us That The Toys Have Been Possessed.

Anne reveals that she has been sleeping in the toy warehouse the last couple of nights.

We then see Baby Oopsy Daisy drag Charnetski’s corpse to the crack so this demonic entity can gain more power. Then the doll draws a pentagram on the floor with a crayon of course.

Wait….How Can That Doll Draw A Pentagram Around The Fat Corpse Since You Know…Certain Parts Would Need To Be Drawn Under Him?

Judith is skeptical about this whole “toys coming to life” situation, but Mark quickly says that they both saw that teddy bear being alive and that’s good enough for him. Anne then says that they are all around the warehouse even though as we have seen, this warehouse is several floors and there are only four Demonic Toys. Of course all the exits are legit locked till morning and Anne says she first saw them when they blocked off the way that Mark used to get into the building. Judith still doesn’t believe this until the freaking alphabet blocks that she knocked over start forming words.

 

When Anne asks what the spirits want, the blocks give a very clear answer.

 

Mark then asks the naïve question of who the entity wants dead and the entity is more than happy to give it to him.

I Would Have Said “You, Numbnuts”, But I Don’t Think Those Blocks Have Comma Ones.

The demonic entity laughs and possesses Lincoln so he can talk in the demonic voice. The Entity (through Lincoln) reveals it needs flesh and blood, their bodies, peel off their skin, and chew their bones. Judith is about to shoot Lincoln before he turns into The Kid.

You Wouldn’t Shoot A Kid Now, Would You? I Mean, I Seriously Have To Ask Because You Have Done A Lot Of Wrong Things Thus Far.

Judith of course remembers him from the dream she was having and The Kid turns back to Lincoln, revealing that the entity needs Judith most of all. After a few minutes, Judith formulates a plan where Mark and Anne go to the security room (using the air conditioning ducts) to get the shutter doors open. Of course, Judith is still stuck on bringing Lincoln in that she has to stay behind.

While in the shutters, Mark asks Anne what she was talking about back there and Anne reveals that the toys must be setting up some kind of ritual to summon something into our world. Meanwhile, Judith gets summoned into a doll house (it’s part of the Astral Plane) by The Kid (who can change clothes and items he has) and Lincoln decides to use this opportunity to grab a switchblade that his pants to unlock himself from the handcuffs and run away.

 

In the dollhouse, The Kid says he brought her in here so they can have a chat. When Judith asks who he is, The Kid reveals that he is a spirit like Anne said, and a bad one at that. Judith says the spirit looks like a little boy to her, but The Kid says that he can take any form he wants. Like this…

Knowing Charles Band, He Had That Costume From A Previous Movie And He Decided He Must Use It

Or The Kid can be Matt.

 

She is very distraught to see Matt’s corpse so he turns back into The Kid, with a wine glass.

That Better Be Kool-Aid, Mr. Band…Because This Is America, And We Don’t Allow Kids Of That Age To Be Drinking Alcohol.

Anyway, The Kid says he likes this form most of all.

Back in the ducts, Anne shows him little girls in gasmasks who are riding around in tricycles.

 

Yeah, they are basically just mirages that are there to look scary. And those mirages have seen them so they decide to go quicker before something real shows up.

Back to the dollhouse, The Kid reveals that spirits like him feed off humans’ fear, pain, and deaths. But those delights aren’t enough to satisfy this demonic entity as he wants to be born into the real world. He reveals that right now, he is weak and is bound to the walls of this warehouse. It has of course taken all of his strength just to animate the toys and even that took 66 years of rest.

We go back to 66 years earlier, when he tried to be born before from a woman.

 

The doctor and nurse, who are obvious Satanists if you think about it, are unhappy to learn that the demon baby ended up stillborn. So the two give the thing wrapped up in a blanket to some kids who are trick or treating. They tell the kids that what they are giving them is like a seed that they must plant.

That’s A Pretty Big Seed, Ma’am

And of course, the kids are okay with this (yeah, these kids are not like any of the kids I know who would have egged the house for giving them a “seed”). So the kids go to a construction site to see what it is (like all good girls and boys do) and when they see the demon baby, they scream and throw it into a whole.

Those Assholes Are So Getting Egged Now!!!

The demon says that it has been waiting for something to set him free when she came into the picture. It mentions that it lured her here knowing that she is pregnant and he plans on going inside her womb and possessing the body of the fetus. He even calls her mom and says that he has to do this by well…

By Doing The Nasty…

…

……
Ew…
Eww…
Ewww!!!!

That Is Some Fucked-Up Repugnant Shit

The Kid then reveals that most of it won’t hurt, but will more likely burn and by morning, she’ll be the mother of a brand new demon baby.

Let’s move back to the ducts before I have to continue talking about this kid’s idea of fucking a pregnant woman just so she can give birth to him.

This Is Demonic Toys After All, Not Avengers #200

Baby Oopsy Daisy enters the ducts along with Mr. Static and they start chasing Mark and Anne. Baby Oopsy Daisy stabs Mark in the leg and Mr. Static shoots Anne in the shoulder, both both of the humans get into the security room. But the toys are not far behind and Mr. Static shoots the boards so there will be no chance of them being able to call for help or open the door to get outside. Mark responds by using the whole aerosol can and match to make a flamethrower and burn up Baby Oopsy Daisy.

 

Mark does get a shotgun out of the closet while the demonic entity just laughs. Anne, on the other hand, doesn’t fare so well as Jack Attack breaks the glass to bite her in the neck and while Marks is now dealing with Jack Attack (who bites Mark before getting his tail basically ripped off), a burned up Baby Oopsy Daisy stabs Anne in the eye enough times for it to kill her.

Mark eliminates Jack Attack by shooting it in the head.

The Most Well-Known Demonic Toy And It Is The First One Killed Off In The Original Movie

Mark mourns Anne’s death as the The Kid shows up on the TV saying that each death just makes him stronger. He asks Mark if he wants his death served up to him extra crispy or Chunk style. Mark responds by destroying the TV, but that doesn’t stop The Kid from continuing his insults.

Judith wakes up out of the dollhouse and sees that Lincoln is gone, which pisses her off so she goes after him. Mark runs around with his shotgun looking for the demonic toys, but runs into the girls with gasmasks. Mark says they are not real and they disappear. But then a Miss April shows up to strip down to the nude and tempt Mark adding that her body is just something that can bring a tear to your eye.

 

Mark once again says it is not real and then a dead Anne appears to taunt Mark before the mirages disappear. As Mark moves through the warehouse, a ball bounces toward him and Lincoln shows up to punch him in the face and take his gun.

 

Mark tries to reason with him, but Lincoln says that he is just doing what the voices inside his head are telling him to do and that is to kill Mark.

You Get Voices Too???

But before Lincoln can do what the voices tell him to do, Judith comes in and shoots him in the head.

 

Mark tells Judith that Anne is dead and that there is no way to get to the outside world. Judith says that they have to find a way out of here, even when Mark is thinking about giving up. Mark doesn’t understand what the demon wants from them and Judith reveals that it wants her baby since she is pregnant. Mark gets a little mad that he has to die because some demon has a hard-on for Judith, but Judith mentions this isn’t her fault. Mark wonders about saving everyone the trouble and just killing himself, which the demonic voice asks, “Why don’t you?” Mark tells the demon to shut up, shoots in the air, and now agrees to find a way out with Judith.

Somewhere, The Kid says that it is almost time for the chance for his birth into the world while a strange toy soldier shows up.

Could We Be Dealing With A New Demonic Toy?

Mark and Judith run into the Demonic Toys and a small battle commences. Judith shoots Baby Oopsie Daisy’s arm off, which he then makes some joke about how she got him.

 

Mark responds by shooting his whole body apart with the shotgun.

 

Mark then shoots Mr. Static, ending his killing spree.

 

Other toys start moving around and the two shoot them as well. Grizzly Teddy shows up and Judith shoots him as well.

 

Baby Oopsie Daisy (now just a head) still makes taunts, but that ends with Mark blowing his head up with her gun.

 

Suddenly, Grizzly Teddy starts to grow into a monster.

Rita Repulsa & Lord Zed, Was This Your Doing?

Don’t Look At Us, We Would Have Made The Monster Larger Than Buildings, Not Just Larger Than Humans.

Monster Grizzly Teddy attacks Mark and Judith decides to make a run for it on her own and hides in a different room by locking the door. As Grizzly Teddy starts to break down the door and the images of her dreams flowing through her mind, Judith actually considers committing suicide.

 

She decides against it after the toy soldier opens the other door that can lead to her getting away from the monster teddy bear.

 

She sees an exit out of this warehouse and goes towards it, but corpse Matt comes in, mentions that he only has eyes for her, and rips his own eyes out of his head.

 

This causes Judith to faint and Matt just drags her to the pentagram. Matt ties her up and prepares her for The Kid.

 

Meanwhile, Mark finds the chicken car and tries to make a run for it out of the warehouse, but hears Judith’s cries and decides to try and save her. But he is going to have his own battles to deal with as Monster Grizzly Teddy attacks. The Kid decides to slip into something a little comfortable.

Okay, While The Idea Of Raping Someone So You Can Give Birth Is Still Freaking Wrong. At Least The Kid Decided To Turn Into An Adult Demon Before He Attempts To Do So.

Anyway, the demon talks about what he is going to do (basically do the nasty, crawl inside her womb, eat the soul of the current fetus, possess it for himself, and crawl out for a quick birth). Of course, he mentions that Judith sadly won’t survive this.

Mark runs to the car and tries to get away from Monster Grizzly Teddy. Mark shoots the monster and starts the car, all the while the monster rips the window. But Mark puts the car in reverse, causing the monster to fall down.

The demon tries to start doing the nasty, but the toy soldier comes in and shoots the demon.

 

Meanwhile Mark traps Monster Grizzly Teddy against the wall with the car and shoots the car to start a lead of gasoline.

 

The toy soldier turns into the other kid from the dreams known as The Fair-Haired Child, after cutting Judith loose.

 

The demon turns back into The Kid and the two kids start to fight.

 

Meanwhile in the visions Judith has, The Fair Haired Child has an Ace, which beats The Kid’s King in War so The Fair Haired Child wins the game.

Like I Said Before, A One Card Victory Does Not Mean The Game Of War Is Over.

The Kid gets stabbed in the real world with a sword.

 

Both in the real world and the dream world, the demon is vanquished.

 

Mark sets a bear on fire and throws it into the car, causing the car to explode with Monster Grizzly Teddy.

 

The Fair Haired Child reveals that he is the spirit of Judith’s unborn child and he was not going to let the demon kill him without a fight.

Take A Good Look, Judith…This Will Be Your Kid In A Few Years.

He mentions that the demon has gone back to hell and maybe he will attempt to steal another baby’s soul, but it won’t be this time. The Fair Haired Child leaves, telling Judith that he will see her again in another eight months. Both Mark and Judith find each other and are both going to have a hell of a time explaining what happened tonight since the bodies of Charnetski, Lincoln, Matt, and Hesse are still there. But we do end with the toy soldier waving goodbye as she mentions that she was talking to her unborn child.

See Ya….Good Luck With Your Futures Now After This Day

And that is the end of the movie.

The movie made a bit of money on video sales as always with most of Full Moon’s work. In 1993, Dollman vs. Demonic Toys was released (which followed Demonic Toys, Dollman, and Bad Channels) where the Demonic Toys try again to birth their master, only to be dealt with by Dollman and a returning Judith (I find Dollman vs. Demonic Toys to be pretty good, but then again…I really do like Tim Thomerson as Dollman) In 1994, a comic miniseries called Demonic Toys: Play At Your Risk was released which take place eight years after the events of the film as the Demonic Toys and their master once again try to bring about his birth onto the world, with Judith once again returning (even though Judith kind of died in Dollman vs. Demonic Toys). In 2004, Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys was made and the less said about that trainwreck, the better. And in 2010, Demonic Toys 2 was made, which I have yet to see.

Now let’s get into what happened after this film.

·         David S. Goyer (who wrote this film) is pretty much a guy you will find in credits as a writer for many comic book films including all three Blade movies, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and plenty of others.
·         Tracy Scoggins (who played Judith) went on to become Capt. Elizabeth Lochley, the commander of the ship in the final season of the Babylon 5 remake series. She was also Cat Grant in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
·         Bentley Mitchem (who played Mark) was the first American actor to play lead in a Kollywood (rival of Bollywood in India) film.
·         Michael Russo (who played Lincoln) would find tons of work as a stuntman in stuff like Leon: The Professional, Die Hard: With A Vengeance, Independence Day, The Departed, and loads of other films
·         Ellen Dunning (who played Anne) apparently quit acting after this film as this would be the last work I could find of hers on IMDB
·         Pete Schrum (who played Charnetski) would only do a few more acting gigs before he passed away in 2003 at the age of 68 from a heart attack.
·         Pat Crawford Brown (who played the wife of the doctor in the flashback scene) went on to play Ida Greenberg in Desperate Housewives.
·         Kristine Rose (who played Miss July) stop appearing in anything (magazine or film) in 1994 and the reasons are unknown.
·         Linda O. Cook (who voiced Baby Oopsey Daisy) passed away in 2012 at the age of 63. It is unknown if the breast cancer that she had been battling in the 1990s had anything to do with it.

Overall thoughts of the film is…Demonic Toys can actually be fun if you leave your brain at the door and try not to think too much about Judith’s poor actions as a cop or The Kid talking about doing the nasty. There are characters who are just there to either be exposition or to pad out the body count (Anne on both counts). The toys actually surprisingly have actual expressions and personality (especially Baby Oopsey Daisy). So like a lot of Full Moon movies, you are getting pretty much exactly what has been advertised to you.

Well, it is the summer and since Porno Pete won the Fantasy Football bet that was made between myself, Pete, and NegaSeth….Pete gets to decide what films I induct in the summer this year and I know for sure he is probably going to pick porn . Pete has been itching at the bit to speak since I told him beforehand if he interrupted, I wouldn't do what he wanted and I'm sure he wanted to talk about Kristine Rose so Pete…take it away with your inductions.

Ah Yes…My Time To Spotlight Some Films I Watch Has Come!! Now Unfortunately Several Films I Wanted Seth To Induct Were Sadly Hard To Come By On DVD If Not Unavailable At All (Thanks A Lot, Cleavagefield), I Have Had Some Trouble Making My List. But I Have Succeeded And We Are Going To Do These Inductions Going Backwards From The Most Recent To The Oldest.

Okay….nice explaining things, but can you get to the first film of your choice.

Okay…I see we are a bit pushy. Anyway, the first film is from an old friend of yours, Jim Wynorski.

Jim Wynorski? You mean the guy who directed Chopping Mall?

Yes, that guy. Now stop interrupting! Jim Wynorski does softcore porn films on the side from his usual doing of low budget films and he has several pseudonyms and in the case of this film, Harold “H.R.” Blueberry. This film is a porn parody of a terrible remake to a great film The Stepford Wives. So join me in welcoming Seth’s first induction of a film from my collection.

The Breastford Wives