Monster Crap Inductee: Winnie The Pooh: Blood & Honey (2023)

Monster Crap Inductee: Winne The Pooh: Blood And Honey

The Crap Has Reached The 100 Acre Woods

2023

The Summer of Bob Part 2 continues with a film that I have been itching to induct for how bad it is and everyone around me knows I want to get this done with so he made damn sure that even if it didn’t win the 2023 GINO Award (which it lost to Five Nights At Freddy’s), this movie was going to be an inductee in 2024.

Let’s talk about the good ole Public Domain. It is one of the cheapest ways to do anything in media because “Hey, it is owned by the public so no copyright fights”. It has been the reason you see a crap ton of Frankenstein, Dracula, Robin Hood, and Tarzan films among others because they don’t have to worry about any pesky lawyers or copyright owners suing their asses. If you are wondering how something becomes public domain, it is by someone screwed up in getting a copyright to their material, letting that material go by public domain, or enough time has passed that a certain thing becomes public domain because the creator/original owner of the copyright has long since died.

In fact, one of the most shown horror movies of all time is Night of The Living Dead because some dumbass putting the film out in theaters didn’t bother to ever copyright the film, and by the time the mistake was realized, it was too late and thus, the most well known of George Romero’s films is public domain.

Yep….There Really Is No Need To Even Get A Bootleg Of This Film As You Could Get It Anywhere.

But in the case of Winnie The Pooh, it was a book series made by children’s author Alan Alexander (A.A.) Milne based on his son Christopher Robin’s toys. Now we could get into the whole reality of how much creating a character with the same name of your own son can screw up the kid’s life, but that would take too long so let’s get into why we are here. You see, A.A. Milne died in 1956 and enough time has passed since the original work in 1926 so characters of that work (Winnie The Pooh, Christopher Robin, Piglet, Rabbit, Owl, and Eeyore) could enter the public domain (the much popular Tigger would have to wait another year before entering the popular domain himself). Now, there are certain changes you can give to a character to make them your version and thus you have the copyright to that version (Disney did that with the red shirt), but the most common version is up for grabs.

This Naked Bear And His Name Is Public Domain So You Can Do Whatever To Him

A film company that did know about the upcoming public domain bit is a British low budget horror movie making company named Jagged Edge Productions and when it happened, Rhys Frake-Waterfield (who owns Jagged Edge Productions and also owner of another low budget horror movie company Dark Abyss Productions) went immediately to work in making a movie  with him as the director and while being low budget, the idea was to make this movie as quickly as possible so they could be the first to make a horror movie based on Winnie The Pooh.

Now in a huge shocker, I actually don’t have to talk about any of the cast or crew because they are all people who really didn’t do anything of note. Now normally, these lower budget movie companies will get at least one name via plenty of money so they can put them on the marquee as a star of their movie (even if they only are in one scene), but the Winnie The Pooh character himself is the star and his asking price is free because of public domain so they could cheap out on that and in fact pretty much cheaped out on almost everything, except the gore (although there is CGI at times).

Now without further ado, let’s get to this movie. But bad signs are showing even before you start the movie on your DVD because there is no menu (it goes directly to the film) no, this is not a bootleg. This is a legitimate DVD release from a company called Umbrella Entertainment, who has released actual international films before.

We actually begin with a narration talking about how Christopher Robin met creatures that were crossbreeds of humans and animals and what some would call abominations. The creatures introduced themselves as…

Owl

Rabbit

Eeyore

Piglet

And Winnie The Pooh

Christopher Robin, as a child, ignored the dangers of hanging out with strange creatures and befriended all of them. Every day he would sneak out food so he can feed his friends as they all had a picnic and this went on over years. But one day, Christopher Robin had to leave to go to college to become a doctor, which would require his friends to fend for themselves. And wouldn’t you know it, he chose the worst time to leave as winter arrived after he left and these crossbreeds, having been so used to getting food from humans, forgot how to fend for themselves so they were obviously starving and on the brink of death. Eventually on a stormy night, they had to make a dreadful decision that they had to kill and eat one of them to stay alive and that one just so happened to be Eeyore.

Which Was Probably A Quick Decision As Eeyore Being Such The Depressed And Pessimistic Character That He Would Probably Have Volunteered Himself To Be The One They Ate And If He Didn’t, His Personality Would Have Gotten So Bad That The Others Would Have Eaten Him To Be Rid Of Him.

Sadly, this decision to Eeyore scarred others mentally that they decided to go feral and never speak again. Also, they agreed to hate humans and in particular, Christopher Robin for leaving them. And we get this face from Pooh.

By the way, that is all you will ever hear of Owl and Rabbit because they are no longer in this movie as it is just Pooh and Piglet from here on out. Five years later, Christopher Robin has come to the Hundred Acre Wood with his fiancée Mary.

And if you want to know how cheap this movie is, here is the sign for Hundred Acre Wood.

Couldn’t Even Fit Hundred On The Sign So They Had To Use The Number

Christopher is of course here to show Mary that he was for real when he was talking about the characters he met here when he was a kid, which most people did not believe, including Mary, who believed his imagination ran wild when he was a child. Mary is here of course because while she doesn’t believe they will find Christopher’s friends, she is here to support him. He finds the place and of course, it is not how he remembers it. Punctuated of course, by the blood that is on the side of one of the honey jars.

Mary wants to leave, but Christopher needs to find out what happened to his friends.

Oh And We See A Makeshift Headstone For Eeyore That Neither Christopher Nor Mary Ever See. Probably Should Have Seen It To Know Things Are Not Right Here.

This place also now has old vehicles and trailers which probably shows you they probably shot this in someone’s dilapidated backyard. 

While exploring the house, the two hear footsteps and decide to hide. The stranger walks by and eventually falls asleep. The couple then decide to leave, but don’t get far before Mary gets a chain wrapped around her neck by Piglet.

Oh Bother…..Piglet Has Grown Tusks

Christopher fights to save his fiancée, but he is not that strong and Piglet pushes him away before killing Mary.

Bye, Mary…

Christopher is in tears, but he runs away from Piglet. He finds Pooh and asks Pooh to help him calm Piglet down. But of course, Pooh is also a rabid monster.

The two surround Christopher and he begs for forgiveness as he didn’t realize that things would go this badly when he left. He of course wants to be friends like the old days, but Pooh and Piglet have no desire for such things and drag Christopher away in animation form.

And after that, we finally get the title to this film.

I Think This Movie Beats 10,000 BC For The Longest Time Between The Start Of The Film And The Eventual Title Card. A Record That Has Stood For A Decade.

And that would actually be a pretty decent horror short if it stopped there, but no such luck as we still have one hour and eleven minutes to go.

We go to a woman named Maria who is at a psychiatrist’s office.

Been There, Done That, Still Do It Today

Basically she feels on edge as she had an experience with a stalker and the psychiatrist suggests she take some time away from the world and go somewhere peaceful and quiet so she can disconnect with the world and eventually feel safer.

Maria takes her friends with her and they decide to spend a weekend at a cabin (which just so happens to be near the Hundred Acre Wood. Of course, first they have to stop at a gas station that has no gas, but weird people.

This Of Course Means Nothing To The Story Other Than If They Get Into Danger, There Is Not Much Help

Maria and her friends arrive to the cabin.

They Are Jessica, Alice, Zoe, And Lara.

They also mention that the cabin has a pool and a barbecue station. And they all also decide to give all their cellphones to one of the girls who puts them in storage. There is also another friend named Tina who didn’t arrive with the rest of the group and is lost in the Hundred Acre Wood. Unfortunately for her, Pooh is nearby and thinking it is some creep, Tina decides to run and hide in a shack.

We Also Get Shaky Cam For This Chase Scene And I Don’t Know Why

She tries to hide behind a wood chipper and wouldn’t you guess it, Pooh catches her. And you can guess she is the only one who did not put a no nudity clause into her contract because the first thing Pooh does for no reason is rip off her shirt and show her breasts.

This Is Totally Pointless, Other Than Make Me Have To Black Box This Picture

Pooh then slams her head into the woodchipper enough times until Tina is dead.

Pooh has also turned on the wood chipper and puts her body into it.

Alice gets a bed with rose petals all around it at the request of Zoe and it seems like Alice was not at all thrilled with it as it was too soon. I guess they are a couple, but this never really is brought up besides this. Meanwhile, we see that Lara is dancing and putting makeup on.

Lara then goes and gets her phone back so she can livestream herself. In the living room, Maria then explains to her friends about her stalker experience and how she had a close encounter with him watching her sleep.

The cops couldn’t do anything of course, but they eventually did find his computer with loads of pictures of her. Unfortunately, he is still out there and thus, this will be the last time you hear of him because he is not in this movie because he is basically a reason for Maria to be here to get away.

We go back to Pooh and Piglet. Piglet is on a bike to keep the power going to the place and Pooh is with Christopher Robin, who is still alive yet chained.

Christopher Robin weakly begs Pooh to please stop and Pooh has to look in the mirror wondering if this is who he is now. Pooh remembers the past and remembers that Christopher said that he would never leave, which infuriates Pooh.

Just Look At Those Eyes

Pooh has a fit of rage and starts smashing things. We then see that Pooh kept Eeyore’s tail.

And you all know that Pooh is going to use that tail as a whip, which he does to Christopher Robin.

For even more torture, Pooh gives Christopher a blood shower.

Pooh has also picked Mary of all her flesh until she is just a skeleton with hair. Pooh takes the corpse to the woods, but hears noise so he knows people are around. And that noise is of course Lara who is in the hot tub and take pics of herself while drinking wine.

And If You Are Wondering, She Probably Put A No Nudity Clause Because She Takes No Pictures Of Herself Topless

While looking at her own pictures to see what she should send to the web, she notices that someone is in the background of one of her pictures.

Damn That Pooh Bear…Trying To Sneak In A Cameo On Someone’s Pictures. Who Does He Think He Is, Bigfoot???

Lara looks around and sees no one so instead of get out of the hot tub and tell the others (because she does know about Maria’s stalker after all), she just goes and relaxes. Her relaxing is short lived as Piglet grabs her and chloroforms her until she passes out.

Piglet then hogties and gags her and puts her on the street.

Pooh starts driving a car near her. Lara tries to get away, but Piglet puts a foot on her to keep her in place so Pooh and have the car’s tire smoosh her head.

Maria and Jessica hear the scream from a treehouse and go to investigate. They find Lara’s body with flattened head.

They scream and go inside. They find the other girls and blood smattered on the side windows that says Get Out.

Instead of listening to the words and maybe calling the authorities, they decide to try and find weapons instead. They hear glass break and upon inspection, see Winnie The Pooh outside.

And Yes, Pooh Is Being Followed By Bees. This Will Be Explained Later And Will Be Incredibly Stupid.

Both Pooh and Piglet are outside so everyone goes and finds weapons to defend themselves as they think it probably is Maria’s stalker (which that would only be believable because the same actor who is in the Piglet costume also played Maria’s stalker). Zoe and Alice go to the pool area because they know Lara left the pool door open and hope to close it, but sadly Piglet is inside and attacks with a sledgehammer.

I’m Going To Show You My Triple H Face!!!!

Alice is knocked out and Zoe decides that maybe she would have better luck in the pool and for a while, it works as Piglet tries to just get her with the chain that is on his shoulders to no effect before deciding to go into the pool himself since Piglet looks to be too tall to drown in this shallow pool. He backs Zoe into a corner and eventually kills her with the sledgehammer.

Alice sees this and passes out. Meanwhile, Maria and Jessica are hiding upstairs from Pooh and of course Maria has a gun because you know, she does have a stalker after all. They eventually go downstairs and find Zoe’s body and see Pooh and Piglet taking away Alice. Now they could assume Alice is dead and try to get the local authorities, but they instead decide to follow the two in hopes of saving Alice.

At their hideout, Pooh ties Alice to the floor and decides to go eat some honey.

All That Murdering Can Make A Pooh Bear Hungry

Pooh then decides to taunt Alice by staring out her while dripping with honey on his face and some of that honey gets on Alice. He then decides to do some slapping.

Maria and Jessica find Alice later on and free her where she is no worse for wear despite the slapping. Now with all of them free, they’ll run to the cops, right? Nope…they hear another scream and decide to investigate that. They then find Christopher Robin and the trio free him. They hear someone screaming for someone to help her and Christopher explains they brought a woman here this morning so they leave Christopher and find a random woman with a fucked up face named Charlene who we have no seen before, but has been tortured by the two animals for a bit.

They free her and somehow she knows the two are Pooh and Piglet because despite not speaking, that is still what she heard them call themselves at some point. Now they should all leave, right? Well, no because when Charlene sees her face in a window reflection, she decides that she instead wants revenge and takes Maria’s gun. She shoots wildly before Piglet appears, but sadly that one shot that she shot wildly was the only bullet that gun had. Pooh then appears behind her and when she turns around, Pooh takes her down. He then drips a bit of honey on Charlene’s face.

Hey, At Least Pooh Is Sharing His Honey Now

But it is just so Piglet can eat her face.

Maria is upset and talks about screams, but she was loud enough so Pooh and Piglet know they are here. Maria and Jessica are chased by Pooh as Alice stays behind and grabs the sledgehammer. She then goes to town on Piglet with it, knocking him out. She eventually ties Piglet up like they tied Charlene up earlier and Alice decides to get some retribution for what happened to Zoe by killing Piglet with the sledgehammer.

Pooh hears Piglet’s death screams and arrives to see his friend dead. Pooh does not take this too well and decides to kill Alice but shoving a machete in her mouth and sticking her to a post.

Maria and Jessica see this and scream, which gets Pooh’s attention so the chase continues. Maria and Jessica are elated when a nearby truck comes through and although it is a bunch of hillbilly yokels, it is preferable to the killer bear.

Unfortunately, these are yokels and while they do not do cliché thing and try to rape the women, they do decide to try and fight Pooh for picking on innocent ladies.

Knowing Slasher Rules, These Guys Are Screwed.

It looks fine at first as these yokels have blunt objects and beat up on Pooh. Unfortunately, Pooh gets really mad when one of them breaks a bottle over his head. Pooh goes right up to that dumbass and uses the slap, which this time rips off part of his face.

Pooh then breaks the bald yokel’s hand off and squishes his face with his foot.

He then slashes the lead yokel’s throat with one swipe.

The last remaining yokel decides to make a run for it and you remember those bees from earlier, well it seems Pooh has eaten so much honey over the years that he can now control bees apparently and he commands those bees to swarm and sting that last yokel to death.

The girls try to get the truck started and eventually do. They run over Pooh, but that does nothing and Pooh somehow ends up in the back of the truck. Pooh gets on top of the truck and starts smashing the windows.

Pooh Has Obviously Learned His Truck Surfing From Abraxas.

Pooh starts trying to break the windshield and they finally decide to hit the brakes on the car and send Pooh off flying. But because they didn’t wear their seat belts, they get knocked out (well, at least Maria does).

Oh Well….

When Maria wakes up with a busted up face, she sees Jessica getting dragged out of the car by Pooh, who is fine despite being thrown from a car.

Hey, If Getting Run Over Isn’t Going To Kill His Ass, Then Inertia Isn’t Going To Either

Pooh basically rips Jessica’s head off and shows it to Maria.

Maria screams as Pooh advances towards her. After throwing Jessica’s head at the wind shield and letting the wipers smear up the car with her brain matter, Pooh finally pulls Maria from the car. Pooh is about to stab Maria, but Christopher Robin makes the save by sandwiching Pooh between the truck and his car.

It all seems over as Christopher checks on Maria, but Pooh isn’t dead as he pushes the car back so he is no longer sandwiched in between the two vehicles. They try to get away and of course the cars explode in the background, which make them fall even though it doesn’t effect Pooh at all. Pooh grabs Maria and Christopher makes one final plea to Pooh. He even offers himself to stay with Pooh for eternity and tells Maria that Pooh saved him when he was a kid so it is his turn to save Pooh from the monster he has become. Pooh then breaks his vow of silence and softly says two words to Christopher.

Winnie The Pooh: You Left

He then slits Maria’s throat.

Christopher screams and tries in vain to stop Maria’s bleeding. She tells him he needs to go and Christopher after hesitation does so, and it is at this point that Pooh decides not to chase him and instead just stabs Maria’s body some more. And after one last look at the destruction of this final scene, the movie ends.

So how did this movie do? Well, pretty well actually. It was originally going to be a one night showing, but because of enough interest in a Pooh Horror Movie, this was able to go to a limited release. It in fact was going to get a Hong Kong release, but was cancelled due to technical glitches. Of course, that is the official reason for it, but as many of you know, Hong Kong is a part of China and the movie may have been censored as is because there was a meme that went around 2017, there was internet memes that basically said the Head of the Communist Party in China Xi Jinping looked like Winnie The Pooh and that hurt his feelings so in response to that, Chinese censors started removing all pictures of Winnie The Pooh from the internet in China. So yeah, this movie probably had no chance of really passing China’s bullshit censoring. Anyway, on a budget of $100,000, the movie made $5.2 million. A sequel has been released this year and of course Jagged Edge Productions is going to make a whole Poohniverse of public domain children’s characters becoming horror villains, which is definitely going to be happening unlike the Dark Universe because cheapness means you don’t have to waste so much money to do this shit and Rhys Frake-Waterfield loves making sequels to his own horror movies if you know anything about Dark Abyss Productions.

No real notable aftermaths or deaths for the cast and director on this movie so we can easily get my final thoughts on this movie. In January, I released a worst of list of movies I saw in 2023 and #1 was this movie so you just know that I fucking hate this movie. While the gore is good with most of it being practical and the movements with the monster masks are really good, this movie suffers from horribly written characters where you mostly only know who those characters are…after they die, a meandering story, horrible writing, bad lighting, and just being a complete chore to get through. Like I said, the first 10 minutes could have made for a good short if it just stopped there, but it did not and we have a freaking terrible movie as a result. I will hopefully never be seeing this movie again and while I am going to watch the sequel out of curiosity as plenty have said it is better than the first, I am praying those are true and if they are not, don’t expect anymore of these films being anything I watch unless you all make me induct one. Basically don’t freaking watch this crap, because the way I described what happens in this movie is better than the actual movie and that should not happen.

So, with that nightmare finally out of the way, I can talk about Bob’s next choice for me to induct and he decided on a rather strange one for me to do since there is only one monster in the movie and it is not a big appearance by the monster so like Spiceworld and Mafia. And this also is going to be strange because while it is a comedy, it is also going to be the only time I will ever be doing a movie with a well known spy character.

Yep….We Are Doing The Original 1967 Casino Royale