Monster
Crap Inductee: Lost Continent
Even
A Professional Rock Climber Would Fall Asleep During This Movie
1951
So
our next induction choice from Gus Richlen was a bit specific for him. You see,
not only did he want me to do the 1951 Lost World rip-off known as Lost
Continent, but he made sure to add that he wanted me to review this unriffed
(aka not the MST3K version).
In
the early years of Monster Crap, there were several inductions where I reviewed
the MST3K version of the film. Now most times, people would proclaim that I was
lazy for doing it that way. In many cases, they were probably correct as they
were easier versions to get through, but there were sometimes where that is
incorrect because even if I tried to do an unriffed version, good luck finding
that because at the time I was inducting it, no physical DVD version of that
film had existed besides the MST3K version. The Incredible Melting Man
definitely comes to mind as I inducted that movie I believe in 2006 or 2007 and
the actual physical DVD copy of that movie came out in 2013. But since I have
gotten to the longer Monster Crap inductions and have gained more confidence in
my abilities, I have purposefully avoided doing the MST3K versions because as
you know, they do make cuts to the film so they can do the show segments and
the last time I did use that version was Gamera vs. Barugon in my 89th
induction even though I specifically called out what was taken out of that
version and was in the original version. So yes, I was always going to do the
unriffed version of Lost Continent.
Now
let’s talk about the actual film. As I said in my opening paragraph, this is a
film that tried to take some of the love from an older film and get that love
for this movie. In 1925, a silent movie based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s book
of the same name called The Lost World came out. It was the first film to
really show off the effects of stop motion pioneer Willis O’Brien and the film
was a hit at the time. However, if you go back and watch it, you might be a bit
disappointed in it if you compare it to other silent movies like Nosferatu,
Metropolis, The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari, A Trip To The Moon, and Phantom Of The
Opera. Also, you also may not care about it when you see other films with
Willis O’Brien effects like I don’t know…..KING KONG!!!!
But
obviously someone really liked the film and thought that a version that had sound
would be better. But of course, with it being on this site, there are going to
be a few problems. One, I don’t think they could get the official rights to do
so and since it had not become public domain yet (it became public domain a few
years later), that could not happen. The second problem is they definitely
wanted this version to be a bit cheaper than The Lost World and they shot this
movie in 11 days.
This
was also a day that they had people contracted to a studio so they could get
guys under MGM contract like Cesar Romero, John Hoyt, Sid Melton, and Hugh
Beaumont. And yet, some of these people have been in past Monster Crap
inductions. John Hoyt was Professor Gordon (Flesh’s dad) in Flesh Gordon.
No….Not
That Garbage Man
Hugh
Beaumont was one of the three leads (besides John Agar and Nestor Paiva) as Dr.
Bellamin in The Mole People.
Also, while the effects were credited to Augie Lohman. It is believed that this was mostly actual uncredited work by Jay Baylor and Henry Lion, who may have been the ones really behind the effects of another film The Beast From Hollow Mountain.
With
all that done, it is time to go into what is the oldest induction I’ve ever
inducted in Lost Continent.
We
begin this film with scrolling credits and we get our title card out of the way
immediately.
They
then show the cast and we begin the movie. We go to a government facility in
New Mexico.
With
Stock Footage Lifted From Rocketship X-M
A
rocket is shot into the sky and then when it comes time for it to come down,
the controls go insane and the rocket crashes somewhere not in the US. Because
of the atomic engine technology in this rocket really being special and not
something you want to fall into the wrong hands, Dr. Michael Rostov and Dr.
Stanley Briggs need to form a team to get the rocket.
We
then meet Major Joe Nolan and reporter Marla Stevens.
They
conduct an interview which quickly turns into kissing and they are about to do
some hanky panky before some guy comes in and tells Joe that he is needed for
this expedition to get that rocket.
Future
Joker Got Cock Blocked
Also,
that is it for Hillary Brooke as she never appears in the movie again so
despite being second billed on this movie, only appears 2-4 minutes in the
film. We then go to Sgt. Willie Tatlow, who is repairing his plane that he
calls sweetheart.
He
gets also called to the meeting. Lt. Danny Wilson is about to go on vacation
when he also gets the call to go on this expedition.
No
Vacation For You!!!
On
a plane ride with everyone else, we find out Danny is only on this mission
because Major Joe decided his buddy needed to be with him during this
expedition to get the rocket back. Joe says he had to leave a sweet thing
behind to do this so if he was going to be pulled into this crap, there was no
way that he was not going to have Danny have fun as well.
It’s
The Kind Of Friendship Where It’s Either Both Of Them Having Fun Or Neither Of
Them Having Fun.
They
ask Willie for some coffee and hopefully coffee for the rest of the crew. It’s
here that we are reintroduced to Michael and Stanley. We are also introduced to
Roger Phillips, who is also on this expedition for some reason.
That Is A Man Who Knows He Has Getting Attacked By Mole People In His Future
After
Willie gets coffee for everyone (except Michael who doesn’t want any), Joe has
Willie take over the main pilot seat so he can talk to the scientists. He then
goes back and takes the pilot seat from Willie. The plane then goes down to get
some fuel before it goes back up and the flight continues. They are at the
point they believe the rocket crashed and suddenly, all of the controls start
going haywire due to magnetism. The Geiger Counter also shows massive radiation
in the area.
Despite
the best efforts of the pilots, the plane crashes on the island that they were
over.
Of
course everyone is a-okay with only minor scratches. In case of cannibals, they
decided to walk around the island armed. They find a small village with only
two people there.
The
native girl explains that the gods are mad about that rocket crashing in the
mountains and everyone else in the village evacuated the island because of it,
except for them as they stayed with their sick father, who just died a day ago.
The crew wants to climb up the mountain, but she explains that is a bad idea as
no one who goes up there has ever returned.
Of
course they still go up the mountain and it is time for the thing that Mystery
Science Theater made fun of and the reason Gus wanted me to do this induction.
It’s time for them to climb the mountain.
*sigh*
I’m
just going to cut to the chase and say from the beginning of the rock climb
till the end, it is 19 minutes and 18 seconds. There is stuff that happens
during this rock climb, but most of it are these guys rock climbing. For a
movie that is 1 hour and 23 minutes, nearly a quarter of this movie having them
do one thing is really bad.
But
let’s talk about the few important things that happen in between this painful
19 minutes and 18 seconds. The first thing that happens is they find that there
is poison gas.
It
is some type of corrosive gas meaning this whole mountain is volcanic in nature
and there is plenty of volcanic activity going on. But does that stop the crew?
No….they continue. The second notable thing during this excruciatingly long 19
minutes and 18 seconds is they camp out for the night and Michael sees a giant
lizard that disappears before anyone else could see it.
How
You Doing???
The
third and final thing that happens during this torturous 19 minutes and 18
seconds is that Stanley (who Michael really worried about when they found out
about the poisonous gas, signifying that Stanley may not be in the best health
to rock climb, especially since Stanley has a wife and kid at home) falls to
his death.
Joe
thinks Michael could have saved Stanley, but didn’t (even though we clearly see
him trying) and throughout the next portion of the film, believes Michael has
bad ulterior motives for this expedition. But we eventually get to the top of
this mountain and the film turns from black and white to a green tint.
An
Effect Used In The Lost World To Signify They Were In The Lost World.
It
is used the same in this film, but interestingly enough….if you were MST3K or
TV versions of this film, you did not get this green tint as the versions
available for those didn’t have the green tint as that was a theatrical
exclusive. However, people have been able to find versions with this green tint
and returned it to the film so count your blessings for the advancements in
preserving film.
Back
to the movie, Joe and the rest are shocked and confused to see that there is a
whole jungle on top of this mountain. Willie does a title drop by calling it
some kind of “lost continent”. Michael thinks based on the radiation readings
that they may have found uranium on this place. They find “brontosaurus tracks”
and then find a “brontosaurus”.
Reason
For The Quotation Marks Is That Scientists Have Now Determined That
Brontosaurus Isn’t Real And Instead Someone Mistaking An Apatosaurus For
Something Else. I’m Sure People Who Were Adults When That News Came Out,
Reacted The Same Way When Scientists Said That Pluto Was No Longer A
Planet….With Real Indignance.
When
the dinosaur sees them, it chases them. Because in this movie, all dinosaurs
will kill man if given the chance, even the dinosaurs that only eat plants.
Robert climbs up a tree while the rest start firing at the billion year old
discovery.
Yeah,
Fuck Dinosaurs. I’ve Played The Jurassic Park The Arcade Game. Shoot All The
Dinosaurs.
Of
course this gunfire does no good so our heroes have to bravely run away. They
lose the “brontosaurus” and have to sleep for the night. The next day, Joe,
Danny, and Willie wake up to find that Robert and Michael are gone. Joe
suspects that Michael is trying to find the uranium for evil purposes. They
find the two remaining scientists holed up in a trench with Robert unconscious.
Joe again believes Michael is up to no good, but Michael reveals that Robert’s
foot is stuck and he wasn’t able to get it out on his own, and with extra
pressure of a freaking triceratops nearby.
How’s
Everyone Doing On This Beautiful Day???
They
might have to fire because the triceratops is coming for them, but it then has
its attention diverted when another triceratops shows up.
The
two triceratops have a fight and one kills the other.
Triceratops
#1 Wins….Fatality
While
those two fought, our heroes were able to get Robert’s foot out of the gap
where it was stuck and they all once again bravely run away. All of Joe’s
suspicions calm down after it is revealed that Robert went out early to get
some photos and fell with Michael there to help him. With Joe’s suspicions
quelled, he apologizes to Michael and then Michael reveals that he once had a
wife and kid much like Stanley does, except they died by Russian hands so he
left Russia.
After
a few minutes of walking and mentioning how they are low on food, they find a
pterosaur.
They
Shoot And Kill It. But They Are Not Able To Find It So They Can Eat So This Kill Is Pointless Much Like Trophy Killing
They
also find the rocket.
The
triceratops and “brontosaurus” also show up.
The
military trio decide to split up and start shooting at the dinosaurs to draw
them away while the two scientists go to the rocket and get the data out of it.
Michael
and Robert are able to get the data out of the rocket which has enough data so
the next rocket will be perfect, but unfortunately Willie gets gored by the
triceratops.
The
rest are eventually able to chase the triceratops away, but the damage to
Willie is too grave and he dies. They bury him immediately.
With
all of that done, they decide that they might need to leave. While they are
going down (back to regular black and white), earthquakes begin and they all
realize that this entire island is about to explode.
Freaking
Rock Falls On Him Which Should Normally Either Kill Him Or Wound Him Really
Bad, But Nope….Doesn’t Even Flinch.
They
pass by the village and no signs of the two native people there at all.
Either
The Two Are Freaking Dead Or They Got Off The Island A Long Time Ago
Our
heroes find a nearby native boats (so they fucking died and no one gave a shit)
and our heroes take the boat and leave. They
then watch the island blow up.
Our
four survivors watch as the movie ends.
We
Lost Two People, Probably Left Two Natives To Die, And Let A Whole Lot Of Finds
Of The Century Blow Up For Just Some Rocket Data……Job Well Done
Like
many 1950s movie, we do not know how well it did in the box office. But we do
know that this movie is not well liked. Plenty of people have called out the
long ass rock sequence and one gentleman named Mark Bourne from DVDJournal.com
said, “Well, one positive thing might have come from this cheapie 1950s sci-fi
flick. It’s the births that resulted from backseat couplings when it played in
the drive-in circuit.”
As
far as the cast goes, Cesar Romero, Hugh Beaumont, Jon Hoyt and Whit Bissell.
Cesar Romero (who played Maj. Joe Nolan) remained in movies, but his biggest
role was as The Joker in the 1960s Batman TV series.
A
Role Cesar Romero Thought So Little Of That He Wouldn’t Even Shave Off His
Mustache For The Role So They Just Had To Paint Over It In Hopes You Wouldn’t
Notice
Hugh
Beaumont (who played Robert Phillips) would find his biggest success a few
years after this film as the patriarch Ward Cleaver in Leave It To Beaver.
Jon
Hoyt (who played Michael Rostov) would find work in films like When Worlds
Collide (which came out the same year as this film) and Spartacus (where he
played Caius). Whit Bissell (who played Stanley Briggs) would go on to be in
other sci-fi/horror films like I Was A Teenage Werewolf, Creature From The
Black Lagoon, Soylent Green, and The Time Machine (the 1960 one).
Sadly
it is time for the people who passed away portion of this induction and yeah,
everyone who was in this has since died. Ed Hinton (who had an uncredited role
as Officer at Proving Grounds) tragically died in 1958 at the age of 39 due to
a plane crash which sadly, his wife and three kids saw as it happened. William
E. Green (who played a guy named Simmons) died in 1962 at the age of 68 after
suffering a heart attack. Sam Newfield (the director) died in 1964 at the age
of 64 from liver cancer. Bert Stevens (who had an uncredited role as Officer at
Proving Grounds) left this mortal coil in 1964 at the age of 59 after suffering
a heart attack. Chubby Johnson (who supposedly had an uncredited role as a
Bunker Suit, though not confirmed) died in 1974 at the age of 71 from a leg
infection. Hugh Beaumont (who played Robert) passed away in 1982 at the age of
73 after he suffered a heart attack. Murray Alper (who played the Air Police
Sergeant (aka the guy who got Joe, Danny, and Willie into this mission) left
this mortal coil in 1984 at the age of 80. Chick Chandler (who played Lt. Danny
Wilson) left this mortal coil in 1988 at the age of 83 when he suffered a heart
attack. John Hoyt (who played Michael) died in 1991 at the age of 85 from lung
cancer. Cesar Romero (who played Joe) died in 1994 at the age of 86 from
complications from a blood clot stemming from bronchitis and pneumonia. Whit
Bissel (who played Stanley) died in 1996 at the age of 86 from Parkinson’s
Disease. Hillary Brooke (who played Marla Stevens) passed away in 1999 at the
age of 84 due to a blood clot in her lungs. Paul Bradley (who had an uncredited
role as Officer at Proving Grounds) passed away in 1999 at the age of 97. Aquanetta
(who played the native girl) passed away in 2004 at the age of 83 from
Alzheimer’s Disease. Chuck Howat (who had an uncredited role as a Naval
Captain) passed away in 2009 at the age of 91. Sid Melton (who played Sgt.
Willie Tatlow) left this mortal coil in 2011 at the age of 94 from pneumonia.
Now
for my final thoughts on this film and yeah, this is definitely a bad film and
not even one I can go back and watch for some joy. The rock climbing that takes
19 minutes and 18 seconds is just the definition of the word padding as it gets
painful to watch. Yes, I know it takes hours and even days to climb a mountain,
but we really don’t need to see every second of it especially if mostly nothing
happens. The dinosaur action is very little and the dinosaur on the poster is
not even in the movie. Also if you are second billed on a movie, you better be
in the movie for more than 5 minutes. The only positive I can give is the
acting was fine and some the dinosaur effects were good for how little of it
you see. Oh, and it doesn’t piss me off like Flesh Wounds did. I’d honestly
recommend watching the MST3K cut of this film as it shaves off moments of rock
climbing while showing you enough that it is annoying.
Now
as for my next film that Gus chose for me to induct, we are going to fast
forward to the year of 2010 as we are going to be watching a TV movie from
defunct channel known as Chiller and one that he has been wanting me for a
while to induct, but either it didn’t win the poll or I didn’t own it. Well now
I do so it is time to induct….
