Monster Crap
Inductee: How The Grinch Stole Christmas
You’re A Rotter, 2000 Hollywood
2000
When
talking about children, there is one name in children’s literature that I have
heard more than others in Theodor “Ted” Geisel, also known as Dr. Seuss.
Whether
it be The Cat In The Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, Horton Hears A Who, Hop On Pop,
or If I Ran a Zoo, Dr. Seuss was responsible for many great books that have
spawned more adaptations over the years. To fully talk about Dr. Seuss, who
also has an Academy Award for Best Documentary with Design For Death in 1947 (a
film he made while he was serving in the US Army during World War II), it would
require a huge book report that would basically hijack this induction. Let’s just
say that Dr. Seuss is so huge in authoring children’s book that his birthday
(March 2) is celebrated as National Read Across America Day, which was created
by the National Education Association.
In
1957, Dr. Seuss would make a book just like Twas The The Night Before
Christmas, A Christmas Carol, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (it was a book
before it became a song), would become required literature for my childhood in
How The Grinch Stole Christmas. The book was about The Grinch, his hatred for
Christmas and the Whos celebrating it, and his plan to stop Christmas that
seems to succeed in his mind before he comes to realize that his gripes with
Christmas were not really what the heart of Christmas was, which changed him
good. It was one of the easiest books he ever wrote in his mind (except for the
ending) mostly because in some way, he was writing as if he was the Grinch and
he did it in hopes that he could rediscover his love for Christmas that in his
mind, he’d obviously lost.
That
brings us to the animated special that was made in 1966 which was directed by
Chuck Jones and Ben Washam, two guys who were very instrumental in the
animation of the Looney Tunes cartoons back in the day. It also had the
blessing of Dr. Seuss and had only four people who were in the cast in Boris
Karloff…
Yes…That
Boris Karloff
He
would be the only one credited for being the voice of the narrator and The
Grinch. The others were uncredited at the time, but were June Foray (who voiced
Cindy Lou Who), Dal McKennon (who did the barks for Max, the dog), and Thurl
Ravenscroft (who sang that famous song called “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”.
You may have heard of it). You may also know Thurl Ravenscorft as the original
voice of that cereal mascot.
You
Also Can Hear Him As The Lead Vocalist For That Song “Grim Grinning Ghosts” In
The Haunted Mansion, Which Is In Several Disney Parks.
It
was of course a huge hit and is played every December by various networks. It’s
pretty easy to find and as far as I am concerned, it is one of two films that
are played once that month every year. They are The Nightmare Before Christmas
every October and this animated special every December because I can promise
you that both will warm this cold cynic’s heart every time I watch it.
I
Even Have A Blow Up Grinch Decoration Outside For Every December (2nd
One Since The First Got A Puncture Hold Due To Some Strong Wind And Age A Few
Years Ago)
Interesting
note to also make is the reason why the Grinch is green in basically every
incarnation here on out is because of the animated special as in the book, he
is just white in the two-tone illustrations. Because as everything was
switching to color at that time, it was decided that the Grinch
Sadly,
the cast of this film has all passed away and pretty much all of the crew as
well as Dr. Seuss have also passed away. Because Dr. Seuss was very reluctant
about adapting his books into movies (really only going more towards cartoons because
he has history with that form of entertainment as he was a cartoonist as well,
and even then, most of those were made with people he was good friends with so
he could trust them with his work, it was only after his death his death that 9
years later, Hollywood was able to get the rights to How The Grinch Stole
Christmas.
But
hey, it seemed like a good idea because it was going to be directed by Ron
Howard, who at this time was a big time director after directing the hit Apollo
13 as well as pop culture staples like Splash, Cocoon, Willow, and Backdraft. I
actually saw him one time at Baseball Hall of Fame with his family and he was
telling his son he wasn’t going to buy a plastic cup for that price. Now I
don’t know if he eventually relented or did not do it, because like most people
there that seemed to be around, left him alone. But besides that point, I
should have known that his last film was EdTV, a film that bombed. But with his
directing and Jim Carrey (who was still a big name at the time despite that one
hiccup in Batman Forever), I was looking forward to this film. I even saw it
with my family on Christmas Day.
So
with the new Grinch animated movie (that I have no desire in seeing at this
time) playing in theaters and having mixed reactions, it is time for me to tell
you why this was not a great Christmas.
We
start with….
Universal….I
Should Have Known You Asshats Were Behind This.
We
then see late 90s CGI snowflakes fall through the sky as our narrator tells us
about all of this takes place inside a snowflake.
Considering
The Lifespan Of A Snowflake Is 45 Minutes…I’m Going To Guess That This Whoville
Town Has One Year Every Millisecond.
Also
the narrator is Anthony Hopkins, who read all his lines in a day. Oh and the
Whovilles really love Christmas.
They
are preparing for Christmas as a marching band plays.
And
They Even Have Whos Who Are Smaller Than Poos.
It
is at this point, with one of the band members we get to see the Whos faces
and…
Oh
Dear God…Well, Now We Know Where The Terrifying Faces Of Those Rat Nazis From
That Nutcracker Film in 2010 Came From.
You
Think I Was Kidding????
And
we also get to see from a store being bombarded by customers that…
*Sigh*
This Movie Is Going To Tackle The Commercialism Of Christmas, Isnt It?
Look,
I understand that idea of the Whos losing everything on Christmas to discover
that Christmas means more than presents, but here is the problem with this idea
of being Anti-Commercialism, Grinch film.
You
Don’t Really Get To Do That While At The Same Time Embracing That Commercialism
With Products At Wendy’s
Lou
Lou Who and Cindy Lou Who (really with the names?) are out shopping and we see
that Cindy Lou thinking all this shopping for Christmas is a bit much, but her
dad pays that no mind.
Hey
Mr. Noodle
As
we see the Whos down in Whoville setting up the tree and getting their
presents, we go to the mountains and the narrator tells us that the Grinch did
not like Christmas.
We
then see hand looking at a periscope which comes up to see some teen Whos
trying to be brave by going to the Grinch’s place. These teens have myths about
the Grinch, like that he eats Who flesh. An alarm sounds from within the
Grinch’s house to tell us that these teens are intruders. The teens though stop
when they see the horrifying sight of….
A
DOOR!!!! Oh, The Humanity!!!
One
of the girls tells the boys to touch the door and convinces him with her eyes
to do so. Of course, as soon as he does….this monstrosity shows up.
This
scares the teens into running down the mountain as we find out this monster is
actually just a mere trick with Max the Dog.
Ladies
And Gentlemen, The Best Actor Of This Movie. Thankfully, They Went With Actual
Dogs Instead Of A CGI Dog, As Originally Planned.
The
Grinch tells Max “Well done” as he is eating rotten vegetables and fruit. The
Grinch then tells Max to get his cloak as he wants to go down and teach the
Whos for bothering him as he uses an onion to wipe under his armpits.
Yeah,
This Movie Makes A Lot Of Jokes About The Grinch Hating Anything That Is
Healthy Or Clean.
Then
we finally get to see the Grinch’s face.
The
Makeup That Would Give This Film An Oscar
You
might be asking “why am I inducting a film that won an Oscar?” Well, the Award
for Best Makeup has several times gone to rather crap films like Suicide Squad
and The Wolfman remake.
Solidifying
The Fact That Just Because You Have An Oscar, Does Not Mean You Will Escape My
Scorn.
The
Grinch tells us he could use some social interaction.
With
A Really Impressive Evil Smile
We
then go back to Whoville as we see the Grinch’s disguise.
That
Wouldn’t Fool Even A Child Unless It Was Halloween. Although I Have Heard
Halloween Is Grinch Night.
A
bike that the Grinch gave some Whos breaks apart and The Grinch asks who ever
could have vandalized that bike.
Who Indeed
The
Grinch gives the saw to some kids as the narrator talks about the things that
could be wrong with the Grinch, which unlike in the cartoon where they are
shown, are just a passing comment as the Grinch just does shenanigans. A guy
tries to get the Grinch to buy something, but the Grinch breathes at him some
horrific breath.
And
of course that salesman gets runover by a bike because this town doesn’t give a
care about their fellow Who.
As
Lou Lou And Cindy Lou debate whether all this present getting at Christmas is
rather superfluous, we hear yelling for dad as we find out those teen boys from
earlier are the sons of Lou Lou. Lou Lou asks what happened to them and one of
the teens yells out that it was The Grinch, which causes the entire town to
stop. This causes Mayor Augustus Maywho to come out.
Played
By Jeffrey Tambor, Who 18 Years Later May Want To Stay 50 Feet Away From Women
Augustus
is hopeful that the teens did not really go and bother the Grinch around
Christmas Time, which Christmas Eve is also the 1,000th Whobulation.
Oh
And Clint Howard Is Here Too Since This Is A Ron Howard Picture And Ron Does
Hire His Brother. Monster Crap Faithful May Know That He Was Also In Uwe Boll’s
House Of The Dead So Welcome Back, Clint. It’s Been A While.
Lou
Lou immediately says his sons must be making things up and when his sons try to
say it is the truth, Lou Lou shuts them up and makes them leave while saying they
were playing with matches or defacing public property, which I guess is less of
a crime in this Whoville. The masked Grinch then fires a spitball at the mayor
as everyone moves on, signifying that the Grinch and the mayor may have a past.
We
then go to the Whoville Post Office as the Grinch decides that he is going to
mess up people’s presents and send people fake Jury summons, pink slips,
blackmail, chain letters, and eviction notices. Meanwhile, Lou Lou (who is a
mailman) has his daughter go in the backroom to put away some letters. He tells
her to watch out for the sorting machine. She goes to the backroom and the
Grinch tries to hide, but fails and Cindy Lou screams.
Ahhhh……A
Creepy Jim Carrey!!!!
Okay…but
I can make this even more horrifying.
Perfect
Levels Of Horrifying
Cindy
Lou falls into the sorting machine and after a few minutes of debating with
himself and Max’s pestering, the Grinch saves Cindy Lou. The Grinch goes to
leave when Cindy Lou thanks him for saving her. The Grinch can’t allow anyone
to be nice to him so he wraps her up in packaging.
The
Grinch leaves and when Lou sees Cindy like this, he thinks she just practiced
her Christmas wrapping. Oh and despite the Grinch wrapping her up, Cindy Lou
now thinks that the Grinch may not be such a bad guy. That night, we go back to
the Lou Whos’ House where we meet Betty Lou Who.
Hey,
Molly Shannon……It’s Also Been A While Since You Were On Monster Crap With Your
Cameo Appearance In Lawnmower Man 2.
Betty
is setting up Christmas lights and believes this year, she will have the best
Christmas lights instead of her neighbor Martha May Whovier.
Martha
May shuts that down when she reveals her Christmas Lights Gun.
Martha
sets up so many lights that Betty Lou realizes once again that it will be
another year where Martha wins for best lighted house.
She’s
Lucky Her Husband Is Holding On To The Light’s On The Other End Or We Would
Have Had Ourselves A Christmas Tragedy…Or Miracle Depending On How You Feel
About Molly Shannon.
Lou
comes in to get a prank call from the Grinch.
Well,
I Guess It Is Better Than Grabbing A Pickle Jar, Eating A Pickle, Then Spitting
Pickle Back Into Jar, and Putting It In Someone Else’s Cart (Thanks A Lot, 2018
Version)
After
the Grinch hangs up, we see the look on Max’s face.
Max
Could Basically Be A Proxy Of Me Throughout This Movie
The
Grinch and Max finally go home through a pipe that leads to a dump in Mt.
Crumpet.
You’ll
Also Find Out Later That Through That Same Pipe Is How He Gets Back To Whoville
A
load of hazardous waste comes out and of course because the Grinch loves all
things disgusting, he takes the bags as if they are treasure.
We
go back to Cindy Lou Who, who sings a song that asks “Where Are You,
Christmas”. The Grinch goes home and uses the waste to hit a picture of
Augustus. We then get a bit of overacting as the Grinch changes into his
pajamas and checks to see that is heart is still small.
Grinch: YES!!! Down A Size
And A Half
The
Grinch plays with Max and then checks his answering machine (voiced by Alpha 5
from Power Rangers) if there are any calls, which there are not as his outgoing
voice message threatened to hunt them down and gut them like a fish. The Grinch
then sits down, takes off his socks (which creatures live in them, and eats
bottles while wondering if he is just eating because he is bored.
The
Grinch says he should never leave this place as he has all the company he ever
needs here and does some echo schtick with the echoes saying the Grinch is an
idiot. The Grinch then goes to sleep.
The
next morning, Cindy Lou Who decides to find out more about the Grinch and why
he hated Christmas. Her first interview is with the two ladies who raised the
Grinch when he was a child….Claranella and Rose.
They
talk about who Whos are born by coming from the sky as babies and being
delivered to the house that is to raise them and consider their own child.
Hmm…That
Is A Nice Change Of Pace For A Film For The Whole Family Instead Of The Old
“The Stork Gave Us A Kid” Explanation.
On
Christmas Eve, a strange wind blew that night which had The Grinch baby land on
a nearby tree to those two old ladies who raised him.
Oh
Dear God…That Is Hideous! Please Don’t Tell Me They Put An Actual Baby Through
That Makeup As If How Horrible The Makeup Was For Jim Carrey Is Any Indication,
Someone Would Need To Call Social Services.
Meanwhile,
they only find the Grinch the next day because they were spending that whole
night partying.
Debauchery
Galore…Let’s Hope The Baby Doesn’t See All Of This Or He Might Be Scarred For
Life And…
Ah
Crap…He Already Has
So
the next morning for them, they start raising the Grinch by offering him
cookies instead of baby food.
YOU
ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS!!!
The
Grinch is not interested in the cookies, but he does take a bite of the Santa
plate it is on.
Again,
Hoping That Isn’t A Real Baby Actor
We
then go to the Grinch at 8 years old.
This
Time I Know For A Fact That Is A Real Actor In That Make-Up And Considering Jim
Carrey’s Experience…I May Want To Call Child Services Except For The Fact This
Film Is Now 18 Years Old And That Isn’t Really A Kid Under That Makeup. That Is
A Young Man Who Suffers From A Type Of Dwarfism Known As Achondroplasia.
Anyway,
this Grinch kid likes to draw about destroying Santa and we see he has a huge
crush on young Martha May, who everyone was attracted to.
We
now get interviews with Martha May and Augustus (w/ Whobris (Clint Howard)).
Tomorrow is time for Christmas gift exchange
so the teacher tells the class to bring a special gift for a special
someone. Martha May says she was too busy with her studies, but from that photo
above, we can see that Martha does have eyes for the Grinch. Also the mayor
admits that he liked Martha, but since Augustus was dating her, he didn’t like
the Grinch and bullies him.
Augustus
says the Grinch doesn’t stand a chance with Martha since he is younger than her
and he already has a beard. Adult Augustus justifies this by saying the
Grinch’s facial hair was not pleasant.
Young Martha tells Young Grinch that Christmas is her favorite time of
the year as she loves the colors of red….and green (which the Grinch is). Adult
Martha then says she did not have a crush on the Grinch and Cindy Lou reveals
that she never asked.
His
two caretakers said that for some reason that day, he came home and seemed very
liking of the holiday as he decided to make a nice angel out of scraps and jewels.
Then
the Grinch makes a horrible mistake that would haunt us for years to come…
The
Grinch….Shaves.
That
day the Grinch tries to hide his face, but the teacher makes him reveal it and
we see the horrors of a shaved Grinch.
Everyone
laughs at the Grinch, including the teacher.
YOU
DESERVE TO BE FIRED!!!!!
Martha
is the only one not laughing and is upset others are, but the Grinch goes into
a rage and proclaims that he hates Christmas. He grabs the tree and throws it
to the ground as kids run and Martha looks over the destroyed remains of the
gift the Grinch meant for her.
Martha
talks about how it was a horrible day. We then see the Grinch climb up Mt.
Crumpet and that is where he is today.
The
narrator then says whatever the reason…stop. We just saw the freaking reason.
This movie gave us something we never needed with the character in an origin
story. And sadly from what I hear, the Grinch movie of this year gave him an
origin story too. Because that always worked for such characters like Jason
Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Leatherface, Godzilla, almost every
character that some hack writer decided later on to give an origin story to…it
is always dumb. And why do they do this? Because these idiot filmmakers think
for some reason, we need to relate to these characters forgetting the fact that
with the Grinch, we ALREADY relate to him because there has always been a time
for every one of us where we have been annoyed with the holiday season. Dr.
Seuss based the Grinch character on himself with his issues on Christmas. The
original story and the cartoon already redeemed the Grinch by having him
discover the good of Christmas because the only person who can ever make it too
late to redeem themselves is themselves.
This
makes me so angry that I can go on for days about how stupid this is so let’s
just continue on because there is more stupid to unwrap here. The Grinch then
goes into a phone book and yells out every name of people he hates for no
reason than to feel good.
Music
starts playing and the Whobulation begins. The Grinch wants his sedative since
Christmas is almost here.
That
Sedative Of Course Is A Hammer To The Head
As
the Whobulation is going on, Cindy tells her dad that she may do something
drastic this year, but her dad isn’t really paying attention so he says that is
just fine. And we see Betty Lou Who has committed the huge crime of stealing
some traffic lights because she thinks they go great for their house.
At the town square, Augustus gives a speech about this being their 1,000th Whobulation and now we need to pick the cheer-meister. The mayor thinks starts to hint that he himself should be it before Cindy wants The Grinch to be the cheer-meister. Augustus tries to make up fake rules in the Book of Who as to why the Grinch can’t be nominated, but Cindy is insistent as the cheer-meister should be the one who needs Christmas Cheer more than anyone. The town agrees, but the mayor says that the Grinch may not come to accept and when he doesn’t accept, someone else will have to get that title.
As
they start singing, Cindy looks up the mountain and we see in his home, the
Grinch is hating all of this singing.
The
Grinch tries to make noise to drown them out as Cindy comes up the mountain to
his door. She enters through the doggy door and she finds the Grinch to give
him the invitation. The Grinch is a bit upset that Cindy is apparently not
afraid of him despite his best mugging for the camera attempts to frighten her.
He
then tries to act like an animal.
He
tries to get her to leave, but she won’t leave until he takes the paper
invitation. He eventually does after a trophy was in the words, Martha May will
be there, and the mayor would be disappointed. He the dumps Cindy into the
trash chute.
Cindy
has fun with this ride. We then see it is now night and time for the
Whobulation and the Grinch debates whether he will go down as he already has a
busy schedule including the line “Dinner with me…I can’t cancel that” which was
a line Jim Carrey himself adlibbed. The Grinch debates on what he will wear
when he decides to steal clothes from a yodeler.
The
Whobulation begins and as the mayor points out, the Grinch isn’t here. The
Grinch debates whether he was going when Max the dog dumps him down that same
trash chute which leads to Town Square. The Grinch flies into the air and lands
on Martha May’s boobs.
The
Grinch has a few minutes of scaring the crowd with minimal effort before
accepting the award. He says Cindy Lou mentioned a check which Cindy mentions
she did not, which the Grinch admits immediately was true that she did not, but
he wants to accept the award and leave.
The
mayor says the Grinch will get his award, but first a little family reunion
with the two women who raised him since birth, Rose and Clarabella. The Grinch
remarks that he can’t believe they are still alive. The Grinch then gets
dressed in Christmas garb rather forcefully, put on a throne and carried through
town.
The
first challenge of is course, the taste testing of the Who Pudding Cook-Off.
Then
the Grinch leads the Christmas Conga.
Then
the Grinch taste tests the Fruit Cake Fa-La-La.
Then
the taste testing of the Fudge Dudge.
The
Grinch then wins the Sack Race with Kids
The
Grinch seems to be enjoying this Whobulation when he gets a gift from the mayor
of a razor.
Augustus
also decides that he is going to ask Martha May to marry him.
He
then uses the mistletoe and has it up his ass so he can fart with it.
Oh
Yeah, Verne Troyer Is In This Film. He was of course in Pinocchio’s Revenge
He
then shaves a strip of hair off of the mayor’s hair.
He
then drinks an old man’s whisky and spits into a lighter to set the tree on
fire.
The
mayor tells Whobris and what Whobris does is also shave a strip of his hair
off.
The
Grinch calls for a taxi and after the taxi passes him by, he gives the best
line in the film.
The
Grinch steals a small car from some mini-Whos.
He
takes the car for a joy ride.
And
to show this Grinch isn’t a bad guy, he crashes the car to avoid hitting a
baby.
The
Grinch even dives away from an explosion.
As
the Whos are trying to fix the Grinch’s destruction, the mayor subtly blames
Cindy Lou Who for all the destruction for her wanting to give the Grinch the
honor of Cheer Meister, while keeping himself completely blameless for bringing
up the whole shaving incident that he knew caused the Grinch some issues.
We
then see the Grinch getting ready to leave, but he sees that his destruction of
the giant tree was only a minor inconvenience as they have a new one.
The
Grinch complains about the noise that will happen. He then complains about the
feast with rare Who Roast Beast, something he cannot stand in the least. And he
of course is upset because he is rhyming. Yes, rhyming…something that Dr. Seuss
was very huge at with his book…is something this Grinch hates.
The
Grinch says that he must stop this Christmas from coming, but he doesn’t know
how. He goes inside and sees the dog dancing to Christmas music.
The
Grinch throws the dog out of the house.
He
picks up Max and when he sees his dog full of snow, he would get a wonderfully
awful idea.
The
Grinch starts making a Santa Claus suit and while making this suit, he sings “You’re
A Mean One, Mister Grinch”. Yes, you heard me correctly. Instead of the great
version by Thurl Ravenscroft, Jim Carrey is singing this song.
And
instead of Thurl singing this while the Grinch steals Christmas, the Grinch is
singing this while making his sled. Jim Carrey, you are no Thurl Ravenscroft.
Also, this makes no sense for the Grinch to sing as the song is done in
complete disgust of the Grinch. Are you telling me, the Grinch hates himself?
Because if you are, we need to put him on the suicide watch list with lyrics
like this song. Finally, when he talks about termites being in his smile, there
are actual termites in his teeth.
The
Grinch sees Santa leaving and realizes he forgot to get a reindeer so he made
his dog into one.
The
Grinch then acts like a director (for some dumb joke of a reason) and wants Max
to have motivation for his role as an evil reindeer
Max
just takes the nose off which the Grinch is all too happy with this because he
rejects the his own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism.
Although
instead of the Grinch having Max take the sleigh down (a bit of animal abuse
taken away, but don’t worry….they’ll still do it), The Grinch makes it a
motorized sleigh that flies down so the Max reindeer at this point, is
pointless here.
After
some near death moments going down, the Grinch safely lands on the Lou Whos
house.
Lou
and Betty hear the noise on their roof, but they think it is Santa so they go
right back to sleep. The Grinch then sees the chimney and goes down it as if he
is preparing to an Olympic dive.
The
Grinch immediately gets stuck and blasts the water weight going to his hips.
Max
is still me not believing he is stuck in this film.
The
Grinch goes down and hits the logs with some cartoon sound effects. As the
narrator spoke, the Grinch broke the fourth wall and made the narrator whisper.
This is the only time he will ever break the fourth wall this badly so it is
rather pointless. The Grinch then decides to have the stockings be the first
thing to go, but since this Grinch is too lazy to just take them down with a
magnet, he has a jar of CGI moths get rid of them.
The
Grinch continues his laziness by grabbing his vacuum and sucking most of the
Christmas stuff.
The
Grinch then actually goes down and goes into the ice box to steal the food.
Cindy
wakes up and as the Grinch is about to stuff up the tree, Cindy sees this.
Of
course since Cindy has seen the Grinch, the Grinch can’t show his face so he
must hide behind the tree to pretend to be Santa Claus.
He
lies about needing to fix the tree and says he will return it in a flash. Cindy
then asks Santa what Christmas is all about, and the Grinch blows all cover to
say “Vengeance”
Now
that I think about it, an actual Grinch stealth game might be a cool idea
although this movie doesn’t understand that.
The
Grinch then goes back to hiding behind the tree as this girl still does not get
that this is actually the Grinch and says he guesses it is about presents,
which Cindy is sad about as she wanted it to be about more. Cindy is about to
leave when she asks “Santa” to give some presents to the Grinch as she believes
there is some good in him. She then leaves and the Grinch stuffs up the tree.
The Grinch then leaves and left the house bare, with crumbs too small for even
a mouse.
We
then see the Grinch stealing more presents and of course, he makes obviously
more noise that would wake any normal person, but not these Whos.
The
Grinch even sucks up a cat in one house, but no animal abuse here as the Grinch
lets the cat out.
The
Grinch goes to Martha May’s house and steals her engagement ring, which is
still in its case, meaning she has accepted late.
The
Grinch then goes to Augustus’ house as he is having dreams about making out
with Martha. The Grinch decides to give the mayor a kiss.
The
Grinch then hooks Augustus’ bed to a police car via a towing cable and then
steals all his presents.
The
Grinch steals more presents, runs into that cat again, and basically makes more
noise that would wake an entire town. The Grinch leaves with his sacks and
laughs while doing it.
The
Grinch’s sled loses fuel and falls so the Grinch has Max drag the whole thing
up the mountain.
He
gets up to the top of Mt. Crumpet.
The
Grinch celebrates as he says they will hear the Whos cry as no Christmas is
coming.
I’ve
been trying to censor myself this whole induction with this film since this is
a film meant for the whole family, but seeing that tree with all its ornaments
on it. You see, when we talk about the Grinch stealing Christmas, the Grinch
does not steal just presents, he basically cleans the town out of all the
Christmas decorations. Well, that’s how it was in the book and the original
cartoon. But in this film, because somebody was too lazy to bother caring, all
of the outdoor decorations of Whoville are still there. Whoville in this
version doesn’t look like Christmas was stolen, Whoville looks like they just
had a really bad power outage. That is bullshit!!!
So
now the Whos are sad because they have neither presents nor decorations
indoors. The police officer realizing he got robbed goes into his police car,
but of course since the car is attached to the mayor’s bed via a cable, the
mayor’s bed with the mayor in it gets yanked out onto the streets as the cop
car goes forward.
So
after the police officer finally realizes he is dragging the mayor behind him,
he stops. As all the Whos are gathered, the mayor publicly shames Cindy Lou Who
as he says her invitation to the Grinch to be Cheer Meister (in his mind) has
caused Christmas to be destroyed. However, Lou finally grows a backbone and
stands up to Augustus and says he is glad the Grinch stole their presents,
because he says you can’t hurt the true meaning of Christmas, which is about
being with your family. He rebukes the mayor for talking disrespectfully
towards his kid, especially since she was right. Other people realize that Lou
is right and everyone says Merry Christmas to each other. As everyone is
celebrating Christmas and the mayor goes back to his home, Cindy sneaks off and
goes through the tunnel to tell the Grinch that he didn’t steal Christmas as
the Grinch prepares to send his sleigh off the mountain’s edge when he suddenly
starts hearing the Whos singing.
He
starts to realize that without all those presents, the Whos are still
celebrating Christmas and that “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store,
maybe perhaps it means a little bit more”.
But
now the Grinch falls back into schtick as his heart grows three sizes that day
and he feels it.
The
Grinch starts crying and realizing that he was wrong in trying to steal
Christmas and the sun comes up.
This
sun causes snow to melt and the sleigh starts moving closer to the edge. The
Grinch is worried, but then calms himself that it is just presents so no harm.
Yeah, this Grinch is not so noble. So what makes the Grinch decide to save the
sleigh?
The
Grinch asks what Cindy Lou is doing there and she says to be with him as no one
should be alone on Christmas.
After
that shmaltzy moment, the Grinch saves the sleigh from falling because of
course he does since that’s what happened in the book.
The
Grinch puts the sleigh down and goes down the hill with Max and Cindy towards
the townsfolk of Whoville.
They
get there and the Grinch tells the cop to cuff him because as he proudly
proclaims, “he was the Grinch that stole Christmas”
The
Grinch also says he is sorry, but Augustus shows back up to tell the police
officer to arrest him since he heard his confession. The cop says he did and he
also heard the Grinch say he was sorry, which is all good in his mind. Augustus
wants the people to help him out on this and even begs for Martha to do so.
Martha shows up and says that she thought about Augustus’ proposal yesterday
and she will have to decline as her heart belongs to someone else.
The
Grinch dances and taunts Augustus over this, before then telling him not to
feel too bad since it is Christmas. The Grinch fixes the lights to show that
yeah, on the outside, he half-assed his attempt to steal Christmas.
Cindy
Lou kisses the Grinch on the cheek and mentions that he is warm. Everyone
starts singing the Fah-Who-Dores song, but this being Jim Carrey.
They
then trek all the way to Grinch’s place so they can have their feast and of
course the Grinch gets to carve the roast beast.
Of
course this movie made a shit load of money, eventually becoming the highest
grossing movie of 2000 and was the highest grossing Christmas movie since Home
Alone. It also won an Oscar for Best Makeup as I have mentioned earlier. But
let’s talk about the stuff that came out about the making of the film itself.
One of the makeup designers Kazuhiro Tsuji had to check himself into therapy
because Jim Carrey was such an asshole. Of course, Jim himself hated the makeup
and found it so torturous that a CIA expert on dealing with torture was brought
in to coach Jim Carrey on how to stay calm during the process of applying the
makeup, which was said to take more than two hours to complete. And the yellow
contacts for the Grinch’s eyes got so uncomfortable that Jim was able to wear
them all the time as the Grinch so at times, the eyes has to colored in on
post-production. The makeup wasn’t a picnic for other actors either as many of
the cast went to classes with a choreographer so they could learn and be
comfortable with the makeup. Heck, one actor (Jeremy Howard) shaved his
eyebrows to save the makeup team time. And to think….originally Tim Burton was
going to direct this film and the Grinch would have been a lot darker of a
character. Considering how many of his recent films based on properties that
aren’t his own work out, that might have been a good thing. This would also
lead to more films based on Dr. Seuss books which mostly were terrible and the
only one that was considered good afterwards…was the animated Horton Hears A
Who film, which ironically has Jim Carrey star as Horton.
Now
for the aftermath of actors and crew. Jim Carrey (who played the Grinch)
continued to have a career, which got less big in the 2010s. Taylor Momsen (who
played Cindy Lou Who) continued to act as well, but she stopped in 2012, when
she found her true calling as a lead singer of a rock band called The Pretty
Reckless. Jeffrey Tambor (who played Augustus) also continued acting, but he
was a bit of a sexual harasser which ultimately came back to bite him on the
ass in 2018 when the #MeToo movement began and he is now kind of a persona non
grata with Hollywood. In fact, plenty of the actors went on to do other stuff.
Ron Howard (the director) ended up winning 2 Oscars for A Beautiful Mind (Best
Director & Best Picture) and he is still a sought after director. Ron’s
daughter, Bryce Dallas Howard (who was in this movie somewhere) is also now a
sought after actress in her own right. Jeremy Howard (not related to Ron at all
and who played Drew Lou Who) went on to voice Donatello in the two Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle films produced by Michael Bay. T.J. Thyne (who played Stu
Lou Who) found his fame when he played Jack Hodgins in the TV series Bones. Jim
Meskimen (who played the cop) became a very prolific voice actor who has lots
of roles in video games and cartoons. Richard Steven Horvitz (who was the voice
of Grinch’s answering machine) has gone on to voice such characters as Zim
(Invader Zim), and Raz (Psychonauts).
But
sadly, five people in this film are no longer with us. This would be the last
film for Josh Evans Ryan (who played 8-year old Grinch) as he would die two
years later at the age of 20 from complications from surgery (sadly, many
people who have dwarfism suffer a great deal physically). This was also
cinematographer Donald Peterman’s final film as injuries from 1998’s Mighty Joe
Young remake would rear their ugly head while this was going on so it was hard
for him to work on this film and by the end, much of his work was taken over by
his son, who was the second unit cinematographer. Donald Peterman would live 11
more years before passing away at the age of 79 from myelodysplastic syndrome.
Suzanne Krull (who was one of the shoppers) died in 2013 at the age of 47 from
a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Rance Howard (Ron and Clint’s dad, Bryce Dallas’
grandfather, and who played the elderly clockkeeper) died in 2017 at the age of
89. And as you all know from an RIP blog I did in the past, Verne Troyer (who
played a bandmember) took his own life via alcohol poisoning in 2018 at the age
of 49.
So
this Grinch movie…..well, saying I did not like is a complete understatement.
In a film that had so much attempts to make a good film with the cast and crew
as well as the sets, there is no excuse for this film to half-ass it as much as
it did. Jim Carrey overacts the hell out of the Grinch that it is not funny and
more cringe-inducing than anything else. The backstory was extremely lame and
did more to hinder the character than create character growth. If this film did
anything good, it made me appreciate the 60s animation special more, which is
not a positive for this film. If you like it, fine….but if you are going to
tell me this is better than the 60s cartoon, you are out of your goddamn mind.
And
now to know who won the last Monster Crap Fantasy Football Bet and sadly, it is
Porno Pete who wins again, meaning more porno films this summer. Porno Pete,
you have anything to say?
Interesting…well,
in that c…
I’m
Passing Because I Sold My Win To Someone Else For A Handsome Amount So Instead
Of Torturing You, I Am Going To Treat Myself To Some Fun In The Negaverse. Considering
The Ladies Down There And The Cash I Have, It Will Be Well Worth It.
Negaver…oh
dear god, you didn’t!!!!
April
to August this year actually.
What???
September
will be my 200th induction so I had to take that one. I was giving
April as a sacrifice unless the GINO Award Winner doesn’t come out on DVD until
really late March-early April.
And
What Happens If It Does.
Well,
since it is the last one, you’ll only get four inductions of fun.
What??!!!!
Sorry….
Whatever…the
likelihood of that happening is astronomical. So I’ll deal with what I have.
Regardless, I am going to be the one torturing you this summer and that’s all I
have to say about that!!
Fine…Happy
Holidays, Everyone
