Monster Crap
Inductee: Son of Godzilla
Where The Minya Headache All Began
1967
Ever
since I roasted the crap that was Godzilla’s Revenge as my fourth ever
induction and yes, that is still the worst Godzilla film ever made, I knew the
eventual induction of Son of Godzilla was coming. However, I never figured it
would take this long to do. But in the poll to decide what film I will induct
before Porno Pete hijacks the selections and I have to watch some porn again,
the one won by a large amount. And now I have to go back to where it all began
with the little shit known as Minya.
This
Little Monster Has Made Me Convinced That King Kong Did Something Illegal And
Wrong To Godzilla Under The Water In King Kong Vs. Godzilla
Damn
You, Horny Ape
So
why the hate for Minya? Well, if you are a Godzilla fan, you should be smacked
upside the head for asking the question. But if you are not, I’ll explain it
like this. As a monster, Minya is more of a headache for Godzilla than he is
ever a threat. Now they had a good idea with Godzilla having a son, which was
to combat the children-like marketability that Gamera got in.
Yes,
Because Of The Friend To All Children, Minya Exists. Another Thing I Can Pile
On That Piece Of Turtle Meat For.
Also,
King Kong had a son in Son of Kong and honestly, that film wasn’t that bad.
However, Son of Kong only had the Son of Kong in that film to work off of (as
King Kong at the time was still well….)
Yeah…He
Was Rather Dead
But
in Son of Godzilla and any other appearance, Minya never really did anything
and considering he was always shadowed by Godzilla, you could really see how
useless he is. He was just there for kids and women to go “Aw” as if he was a
puppy. He always needed Godzilla’s help in a fight and could never do anything
on his own. Son of Kong (while not as big as King Kong) could handle his own
shit. And every other monster in the Toho universe could handle itself in a
fight or be a threat. In fact, if you compare the film I am about to review to
Godzilla’s Revenge, I don’t even know if the filmmakers knew what to do with
Minya. Basically, Minya was just there and in every appearance after this film,
he was just there and you could basically write him out with no problem.
So
yeah, 112 inductions later after having to scour through the laziest of
Godzilla films, we will talk about Minya’s birth.
We
begin with a storm and a plane flying under it. The people in the plane learn
that the radio is out, as hard as that is to believe for them.
Also
To The Pilot, I Haven’t Forgotten You Were One Of The Two Bank Robbers In
Godzilla’s Revenge (And In Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster As Well) So The Fact
This Plane Ain’t Crashing Is Rather Sad To Me. Also Two Of The Other Three On
That Plane Were Also In That Film (While The Other Was Also In Godzilla vs. The
Sea Monster) So I Am Extra Sad.
It
is caused by a lot of abnormal interference that is like a brain wave and the
pilot believes that wouldn’t interfere with the radio. Well, it depends on
whose brain it is and….I think you all know what is causing the interference.
Yep….Godzilla
Actually,
no…….Godzilla wasn’t causing the interference as it is coming from the
southwest and that is the direction Godzilla is heading. The nearest thing they
know is down there is Sollgel Island and they are wondering if something is
calling Godzilla on that island. And the opening title card shows up.
We
go directly to that island and see that a crew of scientists are on that
island. Two of them are at Tower #2 to check to see if the tower is still
working. It is, but one of the two (named Furukawa) is complaining about the
heat.
Get
Used To Him Complaining As He Does That A Lot
The
other one of course is checking the tower and his name is Morio.
Hi,
It’s-A-Me, Morio (Sorry, I Couldn’t Resist)
He
tries to give a report, but the other guy on the line chastises him for not
doing the report properly. Morio gets off the line and basically says he
doesn’t like the professor too much. Yeah, well I didn’t like Godzilla’s
Revenge (as Ichiro’s father Tack) that much and you were in that film so that
counts me and you even. Although you were the main star in Rodan so…….yeah,
forgiven.
They
hear a noise and Furukawa gets his gun to the ready in case whatever is making
it comes at them (they know what it is…but if this is your first time seeing
the film, you don’t and they really don’t give it a name till later even then).
It didn’t see them so they don’t have to fire while Furukawa complains how this
isn’t a place for human beings.
We
see several places in the main lab like the generator
Or
Generating Station….I’m Just Gonna Call It The Generator To Save Time
And
the Sonde-Equipping Room.
To
Be Fair, Sonde Is A Real Thing. It Is a Device To Testing Physical Features
Like High Altitude, Below The Earth’s Surface, Or Inside The Body. Basically,
This Room Tests The Features Of The Island To Make Sure They Are Normal (For
The Island) And Optimal For The Work These Guys Are Doing.
And
Headquarters.
Although
You Can Make It One Word In Reality Or It Sounds Like A Place Where You Keep
All Your Heads Which Probably Would Be Fine For The Queen Of Hearts.
She
Must Have A Reason For Wanting People’s Heads Off
Here,
we meet the three other guys.
Some
Nameless Guy, Fujisaki, and hovering over them is Prof. (or Dr.) Kasumi
There
are three nameless guys in the English dub and they really don’t affect the
plot too much and I can only really mention that one of them was also in
Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster.
And
Fujisaki was Dr. Serizawa in the original Godzilla film so thanks for killing
Godzilla in that one with your Oxygen Destroyer (and unknowingly causing the
creation of Destroyah decades later). He sadly was also in Godzilla vs. The Sea
Monster.
The
nameless guy complains that he feels like he is in a concentration camp with
all this work. You might want to be careful as someone might find that
offensive. The strange interference is back (yeah, they have seen it before as
well) and it disappears almost immediately. They wonder what caused it as
suddenly, a plane flies overhead. They think it might be a plane from the UN
(as the UN is supposed to be the only ones who know they are on Sollgel
Island). But instead it is this bullheaded reporter and his stuff.
He
introduces himself as Goro Maki (or Maki Goro in the English dub). And yes if
that voice is familiar in the English dub, that is Peter Fernandez doing the
voice, who also did the dub in such past Monster Crap inductees like Evil Brain
From Outer Space, Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster, and the first Gamera film. He
is most famous as the voice of the English dub of Speed Racer as Speed himself.
Anyway,
Goro reveals himself as a newsman and photographer who got some insight that
there was something going on down here. They try to say that is confidential
and he needs to get his ass out of here, but he disagrees.
Hey
Goro, While You Are Sitting There, Pouting Like A Child…Do You Mind Taking That
Life Vest Off. You Don’t Need It Anymore.
They
eventually let him stay after the whole day of not leaving, but make sure he
has to do stuff like laundry for everyone. Oh and Goru has a stomach thing that
says it starts to growl every time he gets a good lead. Even they tell him to
take the damn life jacket off since he has it on the whole time. They also hear
the noise that we heard earlier, but this time we see what it is.
It’s
A Giant Praying Mantis
They
seriously have to shoot the damn thing away and yes, Goru already has his incredible
story. Goro tries to go in after it, but he is told that he cannot go into the
jungle at night. The next day, Goro wonders if they found the bug and they tell
him that all he should worry about right now cooking. He asks Furukawa, who
just brushes him off as nameless guy reveals they have been on this island for
three months and it is rather spooky. Goro says no one is using the bath so he
is making some lettuce and reveals that they use the tub to wash their clothes
with Morio using it earlier on his underwear.
You
Won’t Be Using That Lettuce Now
Morio
shows up and after a joke about stew tonight, Morio reveals there is spinach in
the jungle and Goro goes to get some. While getting some (what, you thought
that was a way to get rid of him? No….), he sees a woman swimming in the water.
A
Woman On This Island? What Madness Is This?
Goro
cannot believe this and stares at her, but he makes some noise and she
disappears after seeing him. On sunset, the crew is eating dinner and talks
about how conditions are favorable for the experiment to happen tomorrow. Goro
asks about the idea of freezing the idea and Dr. Kasumi says ultimately it is
to control the weather so vegetation can happen for places that are barren like
the Sahara Desert or the Siberian Tundra so we can easily deal with the
overpopulation problem and the food shortages that will come from it. It is
secret because weather controlling can be used for evil purposes.
I
Mean, We Might Get A Real Weather Wizard And No One Wants That.
Oh
and yes, when Goro asks about the girl, no one believes him in that one exists
on the island. Kasumi then says that tomorrow will be E-Day and they start at
10 am.
The
next day, the experiment begins and while the experiment happens, the reporter
goes out to warn the girl who he never finds. The scientists release a freezing
unit in hopes to freeze the island and it is in a trusty balloon with a small
bomb.
They
are about to explode the freezing unit at the right altitude and the first one
works. An updraft has started which makes it look good so they activate the
towers to eject solar iodine.
Well
That Or They May Be Using Gyaos’ Piss Powder.
This
causes the temperature to get lower so they cut off cooling system and prepare
for heat generation. They then have to release the radioactive capsule.
Radioactive
Capsule Into The Sky? That Can End Horribly
The
radio interference happens again and if they can’t detonate the capsule, they
will get reverse reaction in a radioactive storm with extremely intense heat.
And
Here, People Like Me Didn’t Think The Events Of Atomic Twister Couldn’t Happen.
Well, They Still Can’t Happen.
The
balloon goes off above the wanted atmosphere level and explodes causing
radioactive rain.
They
Never Believed Me This Day Would Come, But It Has……And I Am Super Prepared
The
storm rages and at some point, Goro came back. After the rain is done (four
days later), everyone comes out. They also all laugh about the air conditioners
keeping them from roasting to death. Kasumi comes out with new work orders,
which is to inspect the area for effects. Goro heads with the professor and
starts taking pictures of him on the walk. Goro tries to still explain that a
girl was here and Kasumi still doesn’t believe him…
And
He Doesn’t Believe In Ghosts Either………Because That Needed To Be Said.
Aww…..You
Made Casper Sad
Oh
and the radioactive rain has caused those big praying mantises to get even
bigger.
Goro
and Kasumi eventually have to escape the creatures and get to Tower #2 to
contact HQ in effort to get the others to save their sorry asses. The radio is
broken so that is a bad idea, but the creatures stop chasing them as they are
interested in something else.
That
Hill
They
break the hill down and an egg is inside.
In
a meeting, Kasumi reveals that it will take 10 days to repair all the equipment
and……Furukawa blurts out that he quits as he can’t take any more of this. Sadly
only he and another scientist want off and everyone else want to continue so
Furukawa is stuck here, I guess. Fujisaki reveals that even if they wanted to,
they can’t leave as the radio was knocked out by the heat. Fujisaki reveals
after the meeting was over that the radios are fine, he was just lying to keep
everyone around. They hear noise and go to inspect.
They
are all shocked that a girl is on the island and since this is a kid’s film as
well as a 60s one, none of the men try to be evil and rape her throughout the
film so we won’t have to deal with that nonsense. I know I don’t need to say
that, but too many times nowadays I see that happening with people on an
uninhabited island. She gets away after Goro stops Furukawa from shooting her.
The
next day, the giant mantises are still trying to break the egg.
Giant Mantis #2: Shut Up!!!! Don’t
You Want Something To Eat??!!
Giant Mantis #3: Yeah, With Our
Growth……We Need Something Bigger To Satisfy Our Hunger Than What We Used To
Eat.
Oh
and then the creatures are named Gimantis (Kamacuras in the Japanese version).
Goro and Morio go to see Gimantises still breaking the egg.
Gimantis #2: And I’m Fine With
Gimantis
Gimantis #3: I Think A Better
Name For Us Is Giant Praying Mantis
*The
Other Two Look At Him*
Gimantis #3: What???!!!
Gimantis #1: That Name Is Too
Long!!
Gimantis #2: Yeah And You Have
No Originality
The
woman watches on from another hiding space.
The
Gimantises finally break the egg and out comes…
Yeah
it is Minya (Minilla in Japan). The three Gimantises probably see what the
future holds for us or they are very hungry as they use their arms to try and
kill the creature.
Furukawa
goes crazy and starts shooting up the place, still wanting off the island. He
tries to swim off the island with Fujisaki in pursuit and they don’t even get
to the swimming as Godzilla shows up.
Everybody
runs away.
Godzilla
fucks up the labs so the experiment may be a wash and the radios are definitely
dead. Godzilla hears Minya’s cries so he is off to save his son.
He arrives and immediately goes after the Gimantises. One of the attacks and gets takes a bodyslam from
the King of The Monsters.
Bah
Gawd….He May Have Broken Him In Half
Goro
and Morio decide to leave because they don’t want to be collateral damage to
this fight. Minya goes up to Godzilla and is happy to see his parent.
Godzilla: Oh God…This Is My
Life Now
Okay……I
got to stop here because in this film they refer to Godzilla as his dad and yet
there is no mom.
Shut
Up, Topolous!!!
Shut
up, regardless!!! I don’t need your dumb ass in this induction!!! A
second Gimantis comes at Godzilla and Godzilla moves and kills it with its
atomic breath.
The
flaming arm almost hits Goro and Morio as they run away. The first Gimants is
back up as he and the third decide to fling a rock at Godzilla, but it hits
Minya instead. They attack and Godzilla slams the first one again and kills it
with its breath.
The
third one decides to just run away.
Godzilla
turns around and his tail accidentally hits Minya.
Godzilla
walks off, but Minya can’t walk yet so Godzilla accidentally leaves his kid
behind.
The
woman is still around and she decides to help the little shit by singing a song
and giving him some fruit.
Godzilla
comes back and the woman runs off. Godzilla looks at his pathetic son and lets
Minya ride on his tail.
The
woman goes into a cave and finds Goro on the ground there.
He
wakes up and sees shirt, which he goes to get back. The woman calls him a thief
because she thinks he is stealing, but he tells her it is his shirt. Oh and he
realizes she can talk. She finally reveals that her name is Reiko. Goro reveals
that he is a member of the experimental team on the island. Reiko once again
says she is no robber and hands Goro back his shirt. Goro laughs and says she
can keep it, which she is very happy about. When Goro asks what she is doing on
an island all alone, she reveals a book which is from her father. See, her
father was a famous archeologist who was on the island doing research on it
after he found it during World War 2. He also brought along his daughter since
her mother is dead, I believe. It was seven years ago that the old man died and
Reiko has been alone on the island ever since.
Goro
brings Reiko to meet the rest of the men and they are very polite while
wondering how she survived on the island during the storm. She reveals that she
has a cave she stayed in and they basically use that for shelter now since with
the one Gimantis still alive out and about (as well as Godzilla and Minya),
they need a place to hide the equipment and themselves.
We
then go to Minya, who is kicking a rock and has grown a bit since last time we
saw him.
But
then Minya slips on the same rock.
Minya
continues to kick the rock around as we see that Godzilla is sleeping. Minya
then decides to play with Godzilla’s tail.
Godzilla
looks at what his idiot son is doing before going back to sleep as Minya
continues to play with Godzilla’s tail before he falls on his ass because of
that as well. Godzilla then opens his eyes again for a brief moment before
closing them again.
Minya
decides he is gonna go exploring. Reiko and Goro are playing as it seems they
are in love. Goro also plans on taking Reiko back with him to Tokyo and she is
very happy about this. Minya shows up and Goro is scared, but Reiko calms him
down and explains that Minya isn’t a threat at all. She continues to show this
by feeding Reiko some fruit again.
Godzilla
shows up so Goro gets Reiko to leave with him. Godzilla tries to get his son to
come back with him, but Minya is being a spoiled brat.
Godzilla
grabs his son’s tail and drags him back.
As
Kasumi is reading Reiko’s father’s journal, he wonders what a Spiga is to
Fujisaki, who is just as dumbfounded by it too. Morio arrives sick as a dog and
it is spreading as everyone but Kasumi, Fujisaki, Reiko, and Goro have it as
well. It is bad as they are all out of medicine and it is some kind of tropical
disease. Reiko says that to make them better, there is warm red water nearby.
But
in this film, the warm red water is fine and not the red tide so we can relax.
Anyway, they try to go get the red water, but Reiko warns them that they can’t
as they would have to pass by the lair of the Spiga. When asked what the Spiga
(or Kumonga in Japan) is, it is of course explained that it is a giant spider.
Goro jokes that this is a Monster Island……*sigh* future films will prove him
correct. Reiko reveals that the Spiga is sleeping so if they don’t wake it up,
they won’t have any problems. Reiko decides to go on her own, but Goro insists
that he come with her. But before he leaves with her, Kasumi explains that
based on Reiko’s father’s notes, the web of the Spiga can only be cut with heat
so he wants him to have a heat source with him just in case. Also Goro must
take a rifle with him.
They
pass by the lair of the Spiga and Goro almost wakes it up by accidentally
knocking two boulders down in the hole. Thankfully, the Spiga stays asleep.
Elsewhere Godzilla tries to teach his son about how to do the fire breath as
Goro and Reiko sneak by to get some red water.
Minya
is first scared by this.
The
little shit tries to have his father protect him, but his father tells Minya he
can do it too and forces the kid to try himself.
On
the second try, Godzilla steps on his son’s tail, causing Minya to breathe fire
too.
Minya
is happy he is able to do it too and Godzilla goes back to sleep.
Minya
then tries to breathe fire again and does so.
Minya
is happy as he finally goes to sleep with his dad. Goro and Reiko get the red
water back to the cave and are able to cure everyone rather quickly. Kasumi
also feels the need to give up the experiment the way things are so he wants
Fujisaki to fix the radio quickly. Reiko goes out to get some medicine the next
day, but she accidentally awakens the Gimantis, which was sleeping. It chases
her and Reiko calls Minya for help. Minya arrives and breathes the smoke loop
again.
Gimantis
by giving Minya a judo chop.
Luckily
Minya’s arm doesn’t fall off, but unluckily the two’s fighting wakes the Spiga
up.
Minya
seems to get his ass kicked through most of the fight as Goro comes and saves
Reiko. Godzilla comes in to make the save for his dumbass son and chases
Gimantis off. Goro and Reiko realize the Spiga is awake and it chases them. We
also get to see the Spiga on full display.
It
starts spitting out its web and Goro has to use a lighter to free Reiko from
it. The two then decide to hide between some rocks as the Spiga keeps spray.
It
traps them there with the webbing and moves on while they escape using the
lighter.
They
also get to higher ground.
They
find Kasumi at Tower #2 trying to fix the telephone cord and Goro realizes he
truly hasn’t given up on the experiment yet. Kasumi tells Goro that he is like
him as he would have to do something as he isn’t someone to do nothing at all.
The Spiga comes there way and they hide as the creature passes by. As everyone
is back in the cave, the Spiga makes an appearance outside their cave and has
spun a web to keep them all inside.
The
Spiga almost gets Furukawa, but he is saved. Fujisaki is able to fix the radio,
but they need an antenna outside and with the Spiga outside the entrance, they
are basically stuck inside…except for the underwater cave that Reiko now tells
them about, which explains earlier how Reiko was able to disappear in the first
time he met her.
Goro
and Reiko go out to set up the antenna as the rest try to get the signal ready.
This is done easily and suddenly Minya shows up looking for fruit.
The
Spiga easily finds Minya after Goro and Reiko have set up the antenna and left.
Minya tries to run, but the Spiga spits webbing at the child. As the fighting
is causing problems in the cave, Kasumi decides that with the monsters around,
they can’t get off the island so they need to start the experiment. Fujisaki
has also made contact and because they hadn’t heard from them, they already
dispatched a ship to come investigate. They all agree to do the experiment as
well.
Outside,
Minya tries with his fire breath, but like Godzilla against the Mothra
caterpillars, there is too much web (or cocooning in that case) to stop all of
it so Minya gets webbed up.
The
scientists start getting the experiment ready as Goro and Reiko get the
escape boat ready. The Spiga is about to kill the webbed up Minya when Gimantis
shows up.
The
Spiga starts webbing Gimantis as well, causing Gimantis to not be able to fly
away this time. Meanwhile, the scientists release the freezing unit. They
detonate the unit and that finally wakes up Godzilla.
The
silver iodine is sprayed around as Godzilla goes to see what his son is up to
this time. The Spiga goes over to the webbed up Gimantis and uses a stinger in
its mouth to put poison in it and kill it.
The
radioactive capsule is released. The Spiga is about to do kill Minya, but
Godzilla arrives to throw a giant boulder at the Spiga.
The
monsters start fighting and the energy interference happens again and the
scientists worry they may once again accidentally create a radioactive storm,
but the interference goes away. The Spiga tries to web Godzilla, but since this
is one Spiga out in the open and Godzilla is easily bigger than Minya or
Gimantis, this is a mere annoyance.
The
Spiga tries to run away, but Godzilla and Minya aren’t letting this one go. The
capsule is blown at the right time.
The
temperature is dropping fast which proves the experiment works so now everyone
heads to the beach as the monsters still fight. Spiga plays dead only to poke
Godzilla in its eye.
Unlike
before, the stinger doesn’t kill Godzilla and only just pisses him off as it
starts snowing.
Everyone
is on the boat as they watch and celebrate. The snow starts encompassing the
battlefield as the monsters still go at it. The Spiga gets on top of Godzilla,
but Minya uses his fire breath to save his father.
The
Spiga tries his webbing again, but Godzilla is able to flame the webbing away
and with no other attacks, the result is pretty academic now as both Godzilla
and Minya do dueling fire breaths to win the day.
Um…I
wasn’t. In fact, the Spiga is dead so you are really late to the ballgame on
this joke.
Okay…moving
on. As the Spiga is a burning corpse, Godzilla and Minya see that the island is
freezing over. The monsters try to escape, but Minya is too tired so in a
rather depressing scene, the monsters huddle together as the snow begins to
cover them.
Reiko
starts to feel sorry for the monsters, but we can’t have that so Goro comes in
to say they are just going to hibernate.
The
humans then wait for a ship and one comes.
They
all are happy and laugh about how they were almost scared as we see what looks
like Godzilla and Minya freezing to death.
You
know, as a kid, you just took their word for it. But now as an adult and
re-watching this, I gotta say that I don’t think they understand how
hibernation works.
Goro
then keeps explaining that they’ll probably live on that island and be alright.
And
with the island freezing, the movie ends.
As
always, these movies do well with people and this one still has a 63% on Rotten
Tomatoes. As for the cast, many of them went on to do other Toho productions
and eventually retired so let’s sadly get to those who are no longer with us. Osman
Yusef (who was the submarine captain) died in 1982 at the age of 62. Akihiko
Hirata (who played Fujisaki) died in 1984 at age of 56 from lung cancer. Jun
Fukuda (the director, and also directed Godzilla vs. Megalon as well as
Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster) passed away in 2000 at the age of 77 from cancer.
Peter Fernandez (who did the dub of Goro, wrote, and directed the dub as well)
died in 2010 at the age of 83 from lung cancer. Yeah, cancer is a real bitch in
the Godzilla universe.
Nor
for my final thoughts on this film and despite the annoyance of Minya at times,
this film is actually alright. In fact, in this film…Minya actually evolves as
a character and in one instance helps his father from the Spiga, something Toho
would retcon later so Minya would be a fucking pointless burden. The only problem
is the costumes and effects at times have really not aged well. Also, while
Minya does evolve, you do see the stupidity in his character at times.
So
good news now is for the summer, I don’t have to deal with NegaSeth.
Bad
news is I have to deal with this freak for the summer because since he
miraculously won the bet, he gets to pick the movies I get to induct this
summer, which will end with the September induction. So what do you have first,
Pete?
Well, you remember the first film you inducted in the
last summer I did this.
Yeah?
Well, the DVD I gave you was a two film set so now I
want you to review the other film on it.
Oh
yeah….
