The Monster Full Of Turtle Meat Goes Batty
1967
Well, it is once again time to go back to the insanity that was the Gamera films in the Showa Era as we look at Gamera vs. Gyaos, which you may have seen the Sandy Frank version thanks to Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Hoping
The MST3K Revival Series Will Be Just As Good
But as a huge surprise for you, we will not be doing that version of the film. Instead, we will be watching the Japanese cut of the film thanks to the Gamera Legacy Collection I have that has every Gamera film in existence (except Gamera the Brave).
But before we begin, let’s talk about CGI again as I have heard a lot of times the defenders of CGI ask me if I would rather see people in costumes as if that was an insult. To those people, I would like to ask one thing.
What’s that? You would rather keep Big Bird as he is? Well, that’s how I feel when I see these practical effect characters being put into extremely crappy CGI. Look, if the CGI is top notch that does feel aged like the Jurassic Park stuff, then fine. But otherwise, it’s going to age and eventually it is going to look like shit.
But
enough about me harping again on Practical Effects vs. CGI, let’s get to
talking about this Gamera movie that features the first time Gamera takes on
the villain that would eventually become Gamera’s main rival.
We begin with the eruption of an undersea volcano.
Via
News Reel
People from the press head to the Earthquake center to ask for data. In a news conference, scientists announce that the Fuji volcanic range has become active so it may be possible that dormant volcanoes may erupt. Press reporters hope that Mt. Fuji doesn’t erupt So Mt. Fuji then erupts.
Nice
Fireworks
People of a small village start to evacuate.
While
Others Just Stand Around And Hope Nothing Happens
Gamera
then appears much to the delight of the kid, Eichi.
And
we also get the title.
So
we then head to a construction site.
Yeah,
It Is The Same Guy Who Starred In Gamera vs. Barugon.
So the foremen tells his two bumbling assistants that work needs to start again. Meanwhile, the research helicopter gets to the volcano and they notice a glow coming from a hole.
She
is also the granddaughter of the village leader and just says that they should
come at another time. The reporter sneaks by to take pictures, which they say is Mt. Futago when originally it talked about the eruption being with Mt. Fuj. Make up your damn mind on which mountain erupted, movie.
We then meet with the grandfather and village leader.
We then learn that this whole villagers causing issues isn’t about them not wanting move, this is all about freaking money. They specifically say they want to get rich since they are poor. Sumiko goes home after hearing this and talks to the grandmother about the expressway being helpful to the village so she doesn’t understand why they won’t allow this to happen. The grandmother says that selling land just isn’t that simple. Of course, Eichi (the little kid) has gone out.
The workers go to their workplace and find the place trashed.
The foreman (named Shiro) says that while this crap may continue, they need to continue with the work. The assistants notice the glow and they are concerned, but because they think it may be a gold vein, they decide to go check it out. Meanwhile, the reporter surveys the place and he runs into Eichi.
The reporter lies and says that he is a hiker, but the kid knows he is a reporter. The kid says he’d be a traitor if he took the reporter to the mountain, but he agrees to be a traitor because the reporter thinks that there may be a scoop involved. They notice the strange glow coming from the cave so they investigate.
An earthquake happens that may cause a cave-in and the reporter decides to leave the kid behind, even though the kid asks for his help. The reporter’s cowardice is rewarded as he is grabbed and killed by a bat-like monster.
One of the assistants thinks they have heard something, but everyone else says that they heard nothing. Eichi then is able to get out of the cave. The kid is then immediately attacked by the bat creature with the funny head.
The creature tries to eat the kid, but Gamera comes to save the day.
The
workers also see all of this as the bat-like creature still tries to grab the
kid.
The bat-like creature shoots out his rays and they do cause Gamera to bleed.
Yes,
this is the first film where we see Gamera bleed. And just so you know this,
they give you an unnecessary close-up.
Obviously, this hurts like a mother fucker so Gamera hides in his shell and uses the shell as a weapon.
Gamera breathes fire and this wards off the bat-like monster.
Here we first hear the bat-like monster being called Gyaos by the kid because of the noise he makes and because the freaking kid is persistent, everyone else just calls him Gyaos too. When asking about the rays Gyaos spits out that can cut Gamera’s arm like a knife, Dr. Aoki reveals supersonic waves being sent over a forked oscillator can cut through metal with ease, but still can’t be seen very well because we still don’t have enough power levels. He believes Gyaos has two spines and its throat is forked.
Honestly,
this does sound scientifically possible and if it isn’t, this movie does make a
good job making this possible in its universe, which is something I criticize
most movies for not seeming to be able to do in its own universe. There are a
lot to rip about these Gamera movies as far as continuity goes and you will see
those problems later, but I will hand it to this movie for putting forth the
effort to make what Gyaos does seem legit and not BS itself at the same time.
Of course, we also learn that Gyaos because of this cannot turn its head to the side because doing that with two spines on one neck….not really something you can do. So of course, we have the great idea of attacking Gyaos from behind. Then they explain the green light which is explained as being a sign of hunger or anger. Yeah, they don’t go deep into why that is unlike the freaking supersonic beams that can cut like a knife. Oh and for the answer of how it can come out now after living after living thousands of years ago, well that one is just plain easy. He says it is the volcano eruptions that have awakened him
Dr.
Aoki also as a zoologist tells the military that they need to kill this monster
before it moves on so yes, this scientist isn’t your usual “keep it alive because
it may be the last of the species and we as scientists must research it” and
instead is a “kill the bastard before it kills more people”. Seriously, it is
so funny to see this where the scientist is begging the military to kill this
monster and the military guy is like “Well, if we have to…” instead of being jubilant about
this idea like most movies portray the military guys.
Suddenly,
they see that the cavern in the volcano is emitting light and they send jets to
kill the creature. This does not end well for the jets because they all get
killed by the beams.
The
kid wishes Gamera was here and says Gamera is probably underwater healing his
wound. And then yells to Gamera to heal up soon, as if Gamera can freaking hear
him.
That
night, Eichi wakes up from his sleep at night and sees a lot of light being
emitted from that mountain. He wants to see it happening, but the rest of the
family tells him to go to sleep. Of course, we do not see what Gyaos does, but
we do see the carnage.
The
names of these two….they never say. I’m serious that they never say so just for
the sake of this review, I’ll calling them Fat Assistant and Skinny Assistant.
To be fair, these guys are really looking for milk from the town that is
against them and of course, the milk guy refuses to give them any because Gyaos chased all the cows away, although
he does think the road crew did cause Gyaos to come and he says many of the villagers
do as well. After that, we get to see Eichi try to play with a fake gun and a
police car.
Eichi’s
grandfather is in a meeting with the villagers and as village leader, he says
they should fight to get more money despite Gyaos causing havoc on the village
because if they quit now, the road company will offer them less money than what
they originally offer.
Back
at the road development station, Shiro hears on the radio that there is no
direct strategy on how to defeat Gyaos. Most of the workers want to leave to
head home since work has stopped and they are afraid of Gyaos and Shiro is okay
with this. , but tells them to come back when work starts again. In fact, he
even tells his two assistants that they can go home as well, but that he has to
stay because someone has to be here when the company comes up. The two
assistants also decide to stay because they won’t leave their boss all alone.
The two even say they aren’t afraid of Gyaos, but are immediately startled by
noise coming from the bushes, but of course it is Eichi. Eichi tells them that
he isn’t scared because Gyaos doesn’t come out at the day time?
My
thoughts exactly, Steve. Now I’m going to get this out of the way now because
for some silly reason, this whole daylight thing comes into play later on in
the film, but I’m just curious: Did this movie not watch the first Gyaos
appearance?
Yes,
the rest of this movie will be having Gyaos attack at night, but that first
fight was daylight. Yeah, the sun was setting and it turned into night a few
minutes later, but Gyaos certainly at that first fight had no problem coming
out when it wasn’t dark out. You cannot introduce this idea of Gyaos being a
night owl when you already threw that idea away in his first appearance. Oh and
that first appearance, Gyaos left when it was night.
Now,
I know Gyaos never popped out of the caverns and shot beams from inside at
those planes, but that who garbage about needing to be careful at night, it’s
just that. How about getting some guys at daylight to surround the whole and
set off some dynamite to either cave in Gyaos or force Gyaos into daylight?
Well, you can throw that idea out the window because…well, the movie just
doesn’t want to do that. But they will tell people to turn on their brights at
night and have something that makes things brighter than the full moon.
So
despite this failing, the military decides that they are going to have tanks
fire at Gyaos’ front.
Of
course, this fails because since Gyaos has freaking wings, he can basically
cause wind to blow away the tanks.
Gyaos
decides to leave this area and attacks Nagoya.
Gyaos
then attacks a train and eats people coming off the train.
This
results of course in comedy as Gyaos shoots a ray that splits the cab in half
resulting in all the crew having to drive in half a cab.
Gamera
finally shows up and we get our second battle.
Now
other people are going to say this cannot be possible for me to do, but I am
going to make this joke anywhere. Gyaos
is pissing on Gamera. And this weapon works because it takes out Gamera’s
jets that come from his shell.
Gamera
falls into the water, which knocks some people who were on a nearby boat over.
As Gyaos goes to continue, Gamera bits Gyaos on the foot.
Gyaos
leaves and heads back to his cavern. Gamera also leaves too. The
next day, workers find the piece of Gyaos’ foot that Gyaos cut off.
We
then get more planning about how to defeat Gyaos. The plan now is to get Gyaos
so dizzy that he is unable to get back to his caverns before the sun kills him.
How do they do this? Shenanigans aka using a fake blood fountain to lure him on
to a spinning platform that keeps Gyaos dizzy.
Oh,
but before that…some of the villagers try to sell off their land now, but Shiro
tells them that since work has stopped, there may be some changes, but he’ll
try the best he can to make sure the changes won’t screw the town over. Of
course as those villagers leave, they get scolded by the village leader for
giving up now and tells them that he will handle this. He also calls BS to the
changes as he thinks it is just a negotiating tactic, despite the idea of work
has stopped and a giant freaking monster attack may cause for a change in
plans.
So
now for nightfall and let’s see this silly plan to defeat Gyaos go into effect.
Well,
this actually seems to be working as Gyaos is dizzy and it is only one minute
till sunlight so maybe they have won…oh wait, there is 20 minutes left in this
movie.
Gyaos
in his daze after the machine stops, knocks it over. He then leaves and the
plan has been foiled. Alas, a plan that almost successful, but sadly it was in
the end, too wacky to succeed.
The
kid only wishes Gamera would have come. The
next day, the town is up in arms because guess what, the road company decided
to go with those freaking changes after all. As the townspeople yell at the old
man, Eichi yells at them all for being greedy and throws stuff at them before
being calmed down by his sister. As he leaves, the sister tries to assure the
townspeople that her grandfather was just trying to do what was best for them.
Excuse
me for a minute. If the old man that they call the village elder was really
trying to do the best he could and get them the most money, he would have sold
the freaking land immediately when that stupid ass monster first appeared and
not given the road company a second thought to change their plans. This bastard
yelled at those guys who wanted to sell their land for going rogue just a day
ago because he “knew what was best” when the monster had been causing havoc.
And he also heard about the rumors of plans changing and still thought they had
the leverage. I’m sorry, but after all this old geezer has done and insulted
the others, he deserves to get what is coming to him for being so fucking
stupid and cocky.
As
the old man picks up the toys that Eichi was throwing, he sees Eichi wishing
Gamera would come to defeat Gyaos so they can sell the land and not be mean to
grandpa anymore. He also mentions that Gamera likes fire and Gyaos doesn’t. The
old man gets an idea and tells the guys to start a forest fire in the mountain
to get Gamera to defeat Gyaos. When told this will lose the town money in their
negotiations, the old man says it is fine as he now believes Gyaos was the
town’s punishment for being greedy. But hey, at least the old man said it was
his grandson who gave him the idea.
So
the forest fire idea starts at night to lure out Gyaos who hates fire and uses his
pissing vapors to put out the fire.
So
of course the battle between these two monsters begins, with Gamera doing what
should have been done a while ago and attacking Gyaos from behind since he
can’t turn his head fast enough to see it. Gyaos tries to fly to create
separation, but Gamera grabs him by his legs. Gamera also starts sinking his
teeth into Gyaos’ wings because while Gamera may have rockets to fly, Gyaos
just has his wings. Gyaos escapes with some small flesh missing and blasts
Gamera’s tail to force the monster full of turtle meat into his shell. Gyaos
grabs the shell and tosses it to the ground from a high altitude.
Gyaos
does this same thing to more times and when Gamera attempts to come out of his
shell, Gyaos blasts him. Gamera’s answer…well, I’ll let Killer Croc answer this
one.
But
unlike Killer Croc’s pathetic attempt to kill Batman, Gamera’s throw actually
jams into Gyaos’ mouth, forcing the winged monster not to be able to fire his
beams. By the time Gyaos gets the rock out of his mouth, Gamera rockets with
his shell to trip him. Gamera then bites Gyaos in the neck.
Eichi,
you are a kid and I don’t know where you come from, but in my area…that kind of
language would get you a swipe from your parents (or your grandfather or sister
in this case). So if I was you, you little imp…I would watch my freaking
language while around adults. Seriously, when they get home, you are so in
trouble, mister.
Gamera
forces Gyaos to the volcano and drags the winged creature into the volcano so
Gyaos dies as he shoots one last beam.
Seriously,
if this was Canada from South Park, that family would basically be sent out to
sea in the ice berg all the while we would hear how “They are not their
friend/buddy/guy, friend/buddy/guy”.
Anyway,
we end the movie with Eichi thanking Gamera for all the help and the adults
finally being happy that this nightmare is over, although at the end…we do get
a highlight reel from both Gamera, Gamera vs. Barugon, and the film we just
watched, but no Gamera theme song as everyone would know because that theme
song had not been made yet.
Gamera
would be in five more Gamera films in the Showa Era (one of which we already
covered) before being ended. However, in the Heisei Era, Gamera would be
brought back and the monster that he would be against would be Gyaos. Because
of Gyaos being the only Gamera villain to be in multiple films as the villain,
that flying creature is well known as Gamera’s arch-nemesis. Also Gyaos will be
Gamera’s enemy in a new Gamera movie that is being made to coincide with
Gamera’s 50th anniversary.
So my opinion of this film is that Gamera vs. Gyaos isn’t that bad. Heck, even the inferior American version isn’t that bad. While this did start the trend of the little kid being prominent in the Gamera films (with Gamera saving them from the monster), it wasn’t as bad as it would become afterwards. Honestly, looking at Gyaos, you can see why he would be Gamera’s archrival as he was his equal in the flying department and was weak to everything Gamera was strong to while having ways to hurt the turtle equally. Unfortunately, the next two films in this series (when we get to them) really suck.
Now
that we got that film out of the way, it is time to get to the next induction
that of course tied with this film. Now I haven’t looked at what the film is
right now, but apparently it has something to do with a Kong…or at least, that
is what NegaSeth told me before he left so could it be that terrible 1970s King
Kong remake? Could it be one of the many King Kong ripoffs? What could it be?
