Monster Crap
Inductee: Leprechaun 3
The Odds Are You Will Watch A Cheesy Film
1995
Well,
it is March once again and like the last two Marches before, we are going into
the cheesy world that is the Leprechaun series. This time of course, we are
inducting Leprechaun 3. I have some really good news in this regard because I
have noticed that the odd numbered Leprechaun films tend to be enjoyable while
the even numbered ones seem to well…suck. It’s basically a reverse Star Trek
film series.
Don’t
get me wrong, Leprechaun 3, like all the Leprechaun films, isn’t a good movie
on story-telling, but like Leprechaun, we are going to actually to have fun and
not be annoyed, like in Leprechaun 2. Now while the last film had the
Leprechaun in Los Angeles and you really could barely tell it was in Los
Angeles. But in this film, Leprechaun is in the perfect place for him: Las
Vegas.
Yes,
the place where gold coins can be very much found, Las Vegas would be a perfect
place for Leprechaun shenanigans. There could only be one place more perfect
for a Leprechaun that I know of and sadly, my idea for the perfect place for a
Leprechaun will never happen because my idea would be Leprechaun in Boston.
Think about it. You can have our evil Leprechaun be at the St. Patrick’s Day
Parade, or kill people at a Boston Celtics game, or maybe we could have him run
the Boston Marathon to chase his victim. Sadly, I have nothing more than a few
kills for him so I could never get the idea to be a film since they are pretty
much done with the Leprechaun series with Warwick Davis. Hey, it wouldn’t be my
dream Leprechaun in Boston movie without Warwick Davis as the Leprechaun.
Now,
like most of the Leprechaun films, there isn’t much information on the
production of the film, but we can talk about a few of the actors. First we
have Warwick Davies, who we all know his history so I don’t need to repeat it
unless you haven’t read the other two Leprechaun inductions which in that
case….track those down. I recommend the first one with information on Warwick
Davis. But we also have John Gatins as the male lead. Wait….John Gatins?
Yes,
John Gatins was in Pumpkinhead 2 as the younger Judge Dixon, who killed Tommy.
I swear, I didn’t do these two films back to back knowing that John Gatins was
in both of them. I only knew he was in both of them after I did the induction
of Pumpkinhead 2. In fact, this was John Gatins next film after Pumpkinhead 2
so he already has the Monster Crap history there. Michael Callan is also in
this film and is in one of my favorite Ray Harryhausen film (it was the first I
saw).
Yep…He
Was Herbert Brown In 1961’s Mysterious Island
But
unfortunately, that film marked really the end of his career of note because he
was mostly an actor in musicals and after the 60s, those were slowly dying. He
would be stuck in comedies and guest-starring in sitcoms. He also had three
failed marriages at this point so yeah, it sounds like someone who would be
stuck doing a film like this.
Caroline
Williams is also in this film and she had a resume of being in horror films.
She was the lead in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and was Matty Crimmins, a
nosey friend who met a choking end in The Stepfather 2: Make Room For Daddy. So
her being in this film made perfect sense.
But
there is also another guy who I should mention and that is Tom Dugan. Why
should I mention him since there isn’t much about his past that is notable
other than a few spots as an extra in a movie I have probably never heard of.
Well later on, he would be in another film that has already been in Monster
Crap.
Yep,
He Played Chamberlain In Hellraiser: Bloodline
Oh
and John DeMita would do some voices for the terrible Final Fantasy: The
Spirits Within. Ian Gregory also was a Prison Chaplain in Pinocchio’s Revenge. Now
that we have all the notable cast out of the way, let’s get to the film itself
as we induct Leprechaun 3.
We
start this film with…
Trimark
Pictures!
RUN!!!
That
joke will never get old for me. Anyway, we really start off this film with
generic opening credits, but a creative opening title crawl.
See?
Because We’re In Vegas, Baby
We
then go to a small showing of the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas. An RV pulls
up to a pawn shop (called The Pawn Place) and this guy walks in.
Kind
Of Ironic This Guy Has A Lucky Tattoo On His Hand Considering He Has One Eye,
One Leg, And A Hook For One Of His Hands
The
guy goes to the pawnshop owner (a generic Indian stereotype) and says he needs
money for gas.
The
owner (whose name is Gupta) asks what is in the sack and the guy is more than
happy to reveal what it is.
It’s
A Stone Leprechaun
The
guy says that it is a good luck charm and Gupta comments that he sees it is
working very well. Gupta goes to look at the medallion, but the guy says
whatever he does, don’t take off the medallion. Gupta says he won’t and gives
the guy twenty dollars for the statue. Now, I may not know much about statues
like this, but that thing is more than twenty dollars because I have looked
online and the cheapest sculpture I could find was one for 39.95 (and that was
just a sculpture of coral). Goddamn cheapskate pawn shop owner. The guy takes
the twenty bucks and leaves in a hurry.
Gupta
then does the thing the random guy warned him about and takes the medallion off
the statue. Gupta looks at it through his magnifying glass and finds the thing
is worth basically nothing. But unfortunately when he does that, the statue
turns into the Leprechaun.
Gupta
mocks how cheap the necklace is and turns around to find the statue gone.
He
also finds on the table is a pot of legit gold.
Gupta
sees this and is thrilled that he made the steal of the century, but then the
Leprechaun shows up, grabs him, and bites a part of his ear off.
This
Movie Of Course Would Be Two Years Before Mike Tyson Did The Same Thing To
Evander Holyfield
Our
Leprechaun Thinks Mike Tyson Stole His Move
Anyway,
the Leprechaun talks about how Indian food is spicy. Gupta asks who he is and
our green little friend says that he is a leprechaun and calls Gupta a greedy
thief. He also says that for trying to steal his gold, he’ll be giving him some
grief before hitting him in the leg with a shillelagh.
Our
Leprechaun Also Doesn’t Like Finlay Is A Thief For Stealing His Moves As Well
He
then takes Gupta’s shoe and says it’s a nice shoe and then bites his toe off.
The
Leprechaun threatens to “whack him in the head a dozen times till he’s dead”
before Gupta raises the medallion. Of course the Leprechaun hates this and
backs away. Gupta realizes that the medallion is his weakness and the
Leprechaun leaves with his gold, but of course he drops a shilling.
Of
Course If You Remember Any Of The Leprechaun Movies, This Will Be A Problem For
The Leprechaun.
Gupta
locks him in the back room where the Leprechaun escaped to before saying that
the Leprechaun and his gold belong to him.
Meanwhile,
we meet our main character Scott McCoy (who is going off the college in LA),
but is passing through Las Vegas on the way.
There
he meets Tammy Larsen who he nearly runs over while being distracted by the
glitz and glamour of Vegas.
Tammy
of course has a busted car and needs to get to work as a magician’s apprentice
and Scott is more than happy to give such an attractive lass a ride.
Meanwhile
Gupta gets an disc ready to know some facts about Irish Folklure and Legends
and what pops up is probably one of the best animations on the explanations of
Leprechauns I ever have.
I’ve
Seen Some Shitty Animation Before
This
also helped by having a very fun voice over who explains all about Leprechauns.
He explains that Leprechauns were believed to be once magical elves who got
obsessed with riches and gold. Meanwhile, the Leprechaun counts his gold and
realizes he only has 99 shillings.
He’s
Pissed Now!!!
Scott
takes Tammy to the Lucky Shamrock casino. As they drive, Scott wants to get in.
Tammy is reluctant about this since Scott is underage to be allowed in a casino
(you have to be 21 years old) and she really thinks Scott shouldn’t stay in
Vegas long since Vegas has a way of latching onto a person, but is okay with
the idea if Scott promises to just see the lobby and not gamble at all, which
Scott agrees to. Of course, knowing the allure of Las Vegas in movies, he will
be breaking that promise. She also is working for “The Great Fazio” who she
says is a mediocre magician who couldn’t pull a rabbit out of a pet store.
Scott also hits on Tammy saying maybe he can see her show and they can have
dinner sometime, which Tammy says is a possibility if she is not busy.
Meanwhile
back at the pawn shop, Gupta is loading his gun as the computer programs is
still going. The Leprechaun also decides to hide his pot of gold in a safe
using his magic. The computer program reveals that the Leprechaun’s power lies
in his gold and he will use all his magic to protect it.
Gupta
laughs and says that can his magic protect him from a gun. We also find out
that potatoes are a Leprechauns favorite food. Gupta finds the shilling and
goes to find the rest. The computer program goes on to say that if a person
gets a Leprechauns gold, he has a wish for each shilling that he can use on
anything (which Gupta could have used if he had heard this).
Anything!!
In
the backroom, the Leprechaun uses his magic to have a statue shoot an arrow
into Gupta’s arm.
The
Leprechaun shows up and says to Gupta, “If you’re gonna linger, I’ll give ya
the finger.” He then puts his finger in the barrel and blows the gun up when
Gupta tries to shoot.
Ah,
The Old “Finger In The Barrel” Trick
The
Leprechaun tries to kill Gupta, but Gupta shoves the medallion into the green
man’s lips which burn him and causes him spit out green blood.
Gupta
uses this to escape back into the main room of the store with the medallion and
the gold shilling.
Scott
enters the casino and sees all the fun a casino has to offer.
You
Might See This Actor (Rob McCary) In Future Monster Crap Inductions So Here He
In An Uncredited Role As Father Bob.
In
the stage, we meet two more characters in Fazio and Roulette dealer Loretta.
Loretta
thinks that she can take Tammy’s role as assistant, but Fazio says she is too
old and too fat to play his assistant. She says that she isn’t always going to
look like this and Fazio jokes if she has found a fountain of youth or
something. Loretta reveals that she has been saving money for plastic surgery
and one of these days, she is going to walk into that door with everything
packed in all the right places. Lazio reveals that she needs more than a boob
job, she also needs a personality transplant. Tammy shows up in the outfit she
will be wearing in the rest of this film.
And
That Is Alright With Me
Fazio
has an ego and says that since he is her teacher, she should always refer to
him as “Great One”.
Wayne
Gretzky And The Rock Do Not Approve
Fazio
has an idea for a great trick by putting Tammy into a box and using a
flamethrower to burn the box, while she is transported into another box.
Fazio
(As A Mediocre Magician) Is Out Of His Damn Mind
It
doesn’t help that with his bravado, he sets a table on fire which Tammy has to
put out with a fire extinguisher. The casino boss Mitch shows up and tells
Fazio that he is not doing that trick whatsoever.
Fazio
tries to make him reconsider, saying that Tammy will have all the protection,
but Mitch will not change his mind and he will not risk his future headliner
(yeah, he has plans for Tammy) with this stunt. He also reveals that Fazio will
not be on the main stage at this time since he is a shmuck.
Afterwards
Mitch tries to be the pervy casino owner by hitting on Tammy. He even mentions
that she keeps playing hard-to-get with him when clearly she is has that “No, I
am not into you. There is no playing hard-to-get about this” look.
After
she does that, Mitch stops and says he saw that, which she just shrugs her
shoulders. Meanwhile, Scott is very intrigued by the roulette table that is
being run by Loretta. And like the idiot Scott is, he decides to cash the check
that his parents gave him for his college tuition and housing so he can gamble.
You…Are…A…Dumbass
He
goes to Mitch and asks where he can cash a check and Mitch asks if he is old
enough to be in here. But like a sleazy casino owner, once he sees the check,
he decides to not even bother with the earlier question and say the kid is old
enough to be here by pointing him to the cashier.
We
then meet Art and Tony.
Mitch
apparently owes some money to Art and Tony is Art’s muscle. Tony has Art
threaten Tony although the first thing Tony says is “Look Sharp, Be Sharp”,
which Art corrects him with say the other thing and that is if Mitch doesn’t
pay Art, Tony will kill him. Yeah, Tony is not smart. I guess I should mention
that before that, Mitch asked what Art wanted to which Art responded.
Art: What do I want…I
want brown hair, I want health insurance for all Americans, I want the Mets to
get their shit together.
Well
Art, I have great news for you. Wait 20 years and you might just get your
health insurance wish for all Americans, no matter what crap comes with it as
well. As far as the Mets getting their shit together wish however…yeah, you’re
shit out of luck on that one.
Scott
gets his chips and tries Roulette. We’ll go back to see how terrible he is at
this, but we have to go back to the pawn shop. The Leprechaun comes up across
the table from Gupta and asks if we can make a deal, but first he has to tell a
joke.
Leprechaun: There was an old
man of Madras, whose balls were made of brass. So in stormy weather, they both
clang together and sparks flew out of his ass.
God
bless you Leprechaun, I always love your jokes. And in fact, you will hear more
rhyming humor as this induction goes on. Anyway, Gupta offers a deal that if he
gives the Leprechaun the medallion, the Leprechaun will have to give him half
his gold. The Leprechaun is kind of pissed off about this deal, but relents and
says you have a deal, but first he wants to some faith from Gupta. Gupta gives
him some faith by covering the medallion from a hat. However, this was all a
ploy as the Leprechaun uses his magic to have a fishing pole reel away the
medallion.
D.T.A.L.:
Don’t Trust A Leprechaun
The
Leprechaun then goes over there with his shillelagh and gives another quip
before beating Gupta with the shillelagh and a baseball bat.
Leprechaun: I told ya a
terrible lie and now you’re going to die!
Meanwhile
back at the casino, Scott loses all his money.
Although
If You Know Most Casinos, Of Course The Game Is Normally Rigged
Meanwhile,
we also see Fazio do a show.
It’s
Rather Lame And Even Fazio Knows It
In
fact, Fazio does a trick where he teleports Tammy from one box to another, but
the first time the trick doesn’t work so he tries again and it works the second
time. Fazio mutters to Tammy about how she was late and Tammy explains that the
trap door was jammed again. Fazio then explains that that’s what he gets for
working in a dump like this because nothing works.
Back
to the table, Loretta convinces him that he is due and tries to tell him to
continue, except Scott has no more money. Loretta sees Scott’s watch and says
that could be worth some money. Scott says his grandfather gave him the watch
for graduation, but he agrees to pawn it and Loretta directs him to the pawn
shop.
The
Leprechaun tries to torture Gupta with the telephone coil around the neck to
tell him where the shilling is, but Gupta ends up dying.
The
Leprechaun is not happy that Gupta has died because now he will have to search
for his shilling, which by the way is right on the computer keyboard, but he
doesn’t see. In fact, Scott starts coming in so the Leprechaun has to hide.
Scott
finds the body and uses the telephone to call the police about the murder.
Scott places the phone on the keyboard and the computer program talking about
the Leprechaun continues, this time saying that a Leprechaun is territorial and
will never tolerate another Leprechaun crossing his boundaries.
Scott
finds the shilling and wishes he was back in the casino on a winning streak.
Suddenly Scott gets transported back to the Roulette table and of course he is
on a winning streak.
Mitch
comes in and asks Loretta what is going on. Loretta says she doesn’t know as
she had the kid beat, but suddenly he starts coming back. Suddenly he uses the
shilling to tell him where he needs to put his chips. He does so and he wins
again. Mitch then tells her to win now or else. Loretta tries to use the cheat
switch from under the table, but it breaks and Scott ends up winning again,
becoming a millionaire. Mitch closes the table saying the wheel is broken and
since he wants to somehow win back Scott’s money, he puts Scott up in one of
his suites to encourage him to gamble again.
Meanwhile,
the Leprechaun is now on the streets and he makes another rhyming joke.
Leprechaun: Ahhh… lovely
golden palaces completely full of riches. I’ll rip ‘em off and rob ‘em blind,
those dirty sons of bitches…
Tammy
sees that Scott ended up gambling and scolds him, but Scott says that he won
all this money. Tammy tells him to cash in his chips and go home, but Scott
refuses, saying that he wants to share all his money with her. Loretta sees the
two talking and becomes suspicious so she follows them.
Meanwhile,
the Leprechaun encounters an Elvis impersonator.
They
have an exchange talking about the Leprechaun liking Elvis’ suit, Elvis liking
the Leprechaun’s shoes, the Leprechaun doing a very good impression, and Elvis
gives him a tip about getting paid for it next time.
Yes,
We Even Get The Two Posing
Leprechaun
then sees Fazio making a stuffed rabbit appear out the box and of course the
Leprechaun is not impressed. Fazio tries to make the bunny disappear, but the
Leprechaun turns the stuffed rabbit into a pile of green dung.
Fazio Even Says “Oh Shit” After Seeing
This
The Leprechaun laughs and comes up with
this gem.
Leprechaun:
A
little token of my esteem. It is exactly what it seems. Made fresh daily at
exactly 9:00. It comes from my shillelagh. You can keep it in a crock. Ha Ha.
Uh….
I Will Never Look At Finlay’s Shillelagh
The Same Way Again..
While Scott gets on the elevator,
Loretta runs into Fazio and she explains that Scott won a lot of money because
the wheel was broken and she mentions that Scott was hanging with Tammy and has
a gold coin that she wants. She offers that they’ll split the green, but she’ll
keep the gold coin as a good luck charm. Fazio agrees, asking her what his room
number is. Scott then goes to his room and asks for room service.
Meanwhile the Leprechaun plays Craps and
does very well.
Art and Tony show up to make fun of the
Leprechaun, something that he does not appreciate. They try to bully the
Leprechaun away, but the Leprechaun puts a coin in Tony’s mouth, forcing him to
swallow it, yanks his hand like a slot machine, and he starts spitting out
coins.
The Leprechaun laughs about it being a
slam and asks Art if he wants to try his luck. And Art, being smart decides to
bail. The Leprechaun then has another gem of dialogue.
Leprechaun:
This
is my kind of place. Crooked and sleazy…stealing gold from humans is awfully
easy. *Sniffs* Look out, Vegas! I’m takin’ over!
As Scott goes into the shower, Fazio
comes into his room and searches through his bags for the cash and coin. He
finds the gold coin, but gets found out by Scott. He throws some underwear at
Scott, punches him in the stomach, and then runs off by throwing a small smoke
bomb as part of his magic tricks.
Scott is about to follow, but the
Leprechaun comes in with a tray from room service. He wants his gold shilling
and even does a threat.
Leprechaun:
I
smell me gold shilling. Tell me where it is or there’ll be another killing.
Scott still doesn’t understand what is
going on, but the Leprechaun bites him in the arm in an attempt to show that he
is for real with his threats.
Scott stabs the Leprechaun in the
forehead with a knife, getting some of his blood into the wound, and he then
throws the leprechaun out of the window.
You Haven’t Had A Shitty Day In Vegas
Until You Are Thrown Out A Window
Scott uses the phone to call for hotel
security, saying a Leprechaun attacked him, and you can bet how the police took
this one. Yeah, they hung up on his ass. Scott then realizes the coin is
missing.
The Leprechaun wakes up from his fall
and takes the knife out of his head. He even has a quip for that.
Leprechaun:
Next
time, I’ll Take The Elevator.
Scott tries to clean his cut and sees a
strange image in the mirror.
Yes, It Is Himself As A Leprechaun
Of course it is just a short image so he
sees himself as normal again…but this image is an omen of what is to come.
Scott lies on the floor in pain.
Fazio goes to Loretta, saying that he
was only able to get the gold coin. She takes the gold coin and says that it
has powers. She tries to do the trick with the roulette, but it doesn’t work
and Fazio tells her to find an appraiser to sell the coin and they will split
the profit. She says that the coin has magic and Fazio has this line.
Fazio:
Loretta…you
want magic? Bend over…and I’ll pull a rabbit out of your ass.
Mitch chases Fazio out, telling him to
get on the stage for his show, and he talks to Loretta. Mitch takes the coin,
saying he will take that, saying he is going to keep this until he gets his
money back. They get into an argument and somewhere along the way, Mitch
mentions that he wishes he could get Tammy and true to the wish, Tammy starts
hitting on him, saying she wants him.
Loretta
is wondering if Tammy is sick while Mitch decides that he is going to take
advantage of this opportunity and take Tammy to his room to have sex. After
they leave, Loretta has this line.
Loretta: Mandatory drug
testing for all employees….that’s it.
Loretta
sees the two go up the elevator and sees Mitch flipping the coin, remembering
that he made a wish to have Tammy so of course, she gets an idea to take the
coin. In the elevator, we get jokes about Tammy liking her men tough and
smacking Mitch around, which Mitch is okay with. Mitch, even if this
relationship were real, I think you might need counseling to help after you
suffered from Tammy’s domestic abuse. Mitch then for some reason sees her idea
and throws himself into the walls, which Tammy approves of.
Meanwhile,
Art and Tony are at the cashiers waiting for Mitch to give them their money and
are kind of upset that Mitch is late. Of course, they also have a talk about
Jockeys vs. boxers since Jockeys make Art feel like a sissy, but the boxers
keep crawling up his butt. Then they talk about the annoyances of the types of
socks. This scene honestly for the most part feels very random as if the two
actors were told by the director to basically just improvise your lines and
discuss anything.
So
while Mitch and Tammy continue their pillow talk, Loretta sneaks into the room and
steals the coin. This breaks Tammy out of her trance, but Mitch still thinks
she wants him and tries to have sex. Tammy tells him to get off her, before
finally kneeing him in the groin.
Mitch
is not happy and tells Tammy that she is fired and finished in show business.
This of course makes Tammy tear up as she leaves knowing that she has been used
and now is being fired for not allowing herself to be used. The Leprechaun then
shows up at the roulette wheel just to have this rhyme.
Leprechaun: Belongs to me,
this gold I smell. Whoever’s got it is going to hell.
Scott
finally wakes up from his pain and now has an insatiable appetite for potatoes.
Meanwhile,
the Leprechaun has finally shown up in Mitch’s room after Mitch bemoans the
fact that he was going to make Tammy a star while pouring himself some alcohol.
It is then the Leprechaun decides to perform some magic on Mitch by conjuring
up a woman on the TV who shows her breast to Mitch.
Scott
is at the restaurant ordering different types of potatoes. The waitress asks if
he wants anything else and Scott in his Leprechaun accent has a rhyme of his
own.
Scott: There once was a
lady of Totten, whose tastes grew perverted and rotten. She cared not for
steaks or for pastries and cakes, but lived upon penis au gratin.
The
waitress of course thinks he is doing a verse from a rock album, but we all
know he is just being a leprechaun. As she leaves, Scott wonders what the hell
he just said.
Meanwhile
back at Mitch’s room, the naked woman comes out of the TV.
That’s October 1994’s Penthouse Pet of the Month
Pete,
I swear to God, get out of this induction now or I will reconsider letting your
prize for winning the Fantasy Football victory. Trust me, I will have no
problem doing it for my sake.
Alright…I’m out of here.
Thank
you. Anyway, the naked woman then starts to make out with Mitch. Back at the
restaurant, Scott is wondering about Tammy and Loretta tells him that she is
with Mitch, getting it on. Scott then decides to go and find Tammy. He also
notices that the magician Fazio was the guy who broke into his room.
Mitch
and the naked woman are still making out while the Leprechaun decides to appear
on the TV as various TV characters mentioning Mitch.
Here
He Is As A Lawyer Wanting You To Sue Someone
Here
He Is As A Bible Thumping TV Minister
And
Here He Is As A Fortune Teller (a la the scam that was Miss Cleo)
Scott
runs into Tammy talking about what Mitch did to her and how now she is without
a job. Scott decides that Mitch can’t do this sleazy thing and he will help her
confront Mitch over his actions.
Mitch
then finds out to late that the person on the TV was talking about him as the
naked woman restrains him on the bed and turns into a robot.
The
Leprechaun appears telling Mitch, “You’ll will get what is due when he
electrocute you.” The robot woman then starts electrocuting him. Unfortunately,
I can’t show you any of this since the robot woman has easily seen tits. Tammy
thanks Scott for standing up for her as they enter the room and I can show you
Mitch’s electrocuted corpse that they discover.
The
Leprechaun comes in and asks for his shilling. Tammy doesn’t understand what is
going on and Scott throws a small paperweight at the Leprechaun. They leave as
Art and Tony barge in, wanting their money. They find the Leprechaun and are
not happy to see Mitch dead. The Leprechaun responds to their anger by using
the pointy end of his shillelagh to gouge out one of Tony’s eyes.
Art’s
Face Seeing This Is Priceless
He
then beats Art to death with the shillelagh.
Of
course before that, Art asks the Leprechaun what Judy Garland was like.
Okay….that was an odd Wizard of Oz reference there…
Anyway,
the Leprechaun sees that he has killed two more people and says this.
Leprechaun: Ah, they should
have been willing to give me my shilling, but I have done well by sending them
to hell.
In
the parking lot, Tammy wonders what they will do and Scott’s face starts
changing.
Scott
remembers that this all started at the pawn shop so the two of them go there to
get answers. The Leprechaun, still in Mitch’s room, says that he smells his
shilling and the fragrance of a lady’s perfume.
We
then go to Loretta’s room and I just want you all to know that the long hair
and the fat body are just makeup effects because Loretta wishes she were
beautiful again and we see how the actress playing her really looks.
Loretta
goes to Fazio’s office and Fazio amazed by how attractive Loretta looks now.
Loretta reveals that the coin does have magic and allows the user to be granted
a wish. She even says that she wishes she was a man so she could just screw
herself to the floor. But since that doesn’t happen, you can guess that means one
wish per shilling. This will come back to bite someone in the ass later. Of
course, Fazio turns out to be the low life that we all know he is by stealing
the coin so he can make his wish.
After
he leaves, I’m guessing that that someone didn’t want to have to do the makeup
again because unlike the other wishes, Loretta does not turn back to her usual
self. Lazio then wishes that he was the greatest magician in the world and he
of course, gets that wish.
Loretta
then gets greeted by the Leprechaun.
The
Leprechaun then goes for more rhymes after introducing himself to Loretta.
Leprechaun: Your boobs are
big. Your butt is small. But you’re still in for quite a fall.
When
Loretta doesn’t understand what he is talking about, the Leprechaun continues.
Leprechaun: Oh, well didn’t
ya hear? Bigger is good, but jumbo is dear. I’ll give ya boobs that’ll come out
to here.
And
then he makes her breasts grow.
Meh….I’ve
Seen People Out And About With Bigger Boobs.
The
Leprechaun then continues with a rhyme about her lips.
Leprechaun: Ah…those
delightful lips. They’ll get you some tips. But what about these? Are they big
enough to please?
He
then makes her lips grow.
Duck
Lips….Woohoo
The
Leprechaun then rhymes about her butt,
Leprechaun: Ah, what a
delightful little slut. But what about your butt?
And
he makes her butt huge.
A
Butt Kim Kardashian And Jennifer Lopez Would Be Amazed By
Everything
keeps growing and Loretta tries to escape, but her body parts are too huge to
fit through the door. The Leprechaun grabs an umbrella as Loretta explodes.
The
Leprechaun finishes with this rhyme.
Leprechaun: Now that was
quite a load to have to explode. What a lovely lass, I had to blow up your as,
but now I must hit the road.
Scott
and Tammy sneak in through the back window and shows where he found the poor
guy laying. He goes on the computer and looks up what was on the computer. The
computer reveals that if you destroy the gold, you destroy the Leprechaun. It
then says that mortals can never resist the power of gold. To them, being rich
is more important than what needs to be done. Tammy then says that once we find
that gold, we are getting rid of it. Scott then goes back to his accent and
disagrees on getting rid of the gold. Tammy examines the medallion, but when
Scott sees it, he starts suffering from pain. Tammy wants to get Scott to a
doctor, but Scott says he can’t because there is something he needs or wants,
but does not know. Scott then asks Tammy to leave him, but Tammy refuses.
The
two examine the backroom with flashlights as the Leprechaun leaves the casino.
Scott smells something and finds the gold. Tammy wants to destroy it, but Scott
is being controlled by his leprechaun side and refuses to allow it to happen. He
starts threatening her and she slaps him out of his leprechaun half. He asks
what happened and Tammy doesn’t know, but warns him not to allow it to happen
again as he is scaring her to death. Enter the Leprechaun with an axe.
The
Leprechaun then identifies Scott as a Leprechaun and he thinks two Leprechauns
is one too many. Tammy tells Scott to wish the Leprechaun dead and Scott does
so, which doesn’t work. Yeah, you see…as the Leprechaun said.
Leprechaun: You silly little
twit, have you forgotten the charm? A leprechaun’s gold can do him no harm.
The
Leprechaun uses his magic to knock the two over and goes at Scott with his axe
and this rhyme.
Leprechaun: So….for pulling
this trick, I’ll chop off your dick.
And
the Leprechaun just barely misses. Scott throws away the shilling that they
grabbed and the Leprechaun goes after it, allowing Tammy to throw a baseball at
the Leprechaun which knocks him down. Scott mentions that what she just did was
a nice pitch and Tammy reveals that she pitches for the Vegas All-Stars. They
then escape as the Leprechaun is reeling from that pitch. Tammy also takes the
medallion just in case.
Tammy
takes Scott to the hospital after Scott feels some more pain from his
transformation. At the hospital, the attendant is too busy on the damn phone to
help them. Tammy doesn’t like the bureaucratic crap from the attendant and gets
an actual doctor to look at the bite. The doctor doesn’t like the look of the
bite as she calls for a gurney immediately and has him taken to Isolation.
Tammy wants to go with Scott, but the doctor says that no one is going to be
allowed with him until they know what is going on. We then see a bit scene
where the Leprechaun is trying to hitchhike. Of course all the cars pass him so
the Leprechaun keeps flipping them off.
Back
at isolation, they cut open his shirt and looking at how his stomach is all
messed up, they think he might have some fungal infection and get him on some
antibiotics. And somehow the Leprechaun gets into the hospital and easily is
able to find a doctor’s suit his size.
If
You Have Ever Heard Me Say To Unexplainable Things “Because Fucking Leprechauns,
I Don’t Know”, Random Stuff Like This Is Exactly Why I Came Up With That Line.
At
isolation, the doctor tells him that the question he is going to ask is the
difference between living and dying and the question is: does he have health
insurance? Scott then asks if they take Green Cross.
Green
Cross….For Leprechauns, Not Profit
While
waiting, Tammy gets called on the PA system to the morgue and she goes fearing
the worst. Tammy honey, if your friend Scott died, a doctor would be outside to
tell you that he has passed. If you are just getting called to the morgue, you
shouldn’t think the worst. Oh and don’t go because you know that is the
Leprechaun’s voice.
Back
at isolation, the doctors draw blood and they find it green, which perplexes
them.
The
doctor then asks for the results of the encephalogram, which is what monitors
your brain activity and this is what he gets.
He
then asks for an EKG, which monitors his heart and he gets this.
The
doctor asks if this is some kind of joke and if it is, he does not find it amusing.
The doctors go through his insurance and seeing the cash, realize that this guy
might not need health insurance. The doctors decide to go with every test,
starting with those that begin with the letter A because this guy can afford
it.
Tammy
goes to the morgue and finds the mortician dead.
Tammy
screams and runs, but finds that the Leprechaun was hiding under the sheet.
Fab-u-lous…
The
Leprechaun then uses his magic to tie Tammy to the autopsy table. We get this
dialogue.
Tammy: Let me go, you
son of a bitch!
Leprechaun: Now that is no
way to talk about me mother, bless her greedy soul.
Scott
uses his magic to cut himself loose and then uses his magic to knockout the
doctors. Scott takes back his money and sniffs, coming back with this quote.
Scott: What’s that I
smell? Could it be me brother from hell?
Scott
saves Tammy from the Leprechaun slicing up her face and they escape from the
hospital. In this battle of rhymes, there is a whole lot to choose so I’ll
basically do the whole scene.
*Scott
barges into room*
Scott: Cut her nose and
I’ll hack off your toes.
*Leprechaun
stop and goes towards Scott, while riding a gurney.*
Scott: Back off, you
renegade before I make you eat that blade.
Leprechaun: Power to power.
You have much to learn. Taller or shorter, I’ll make you burn.
*Leprechaun
sets the floor in front of Scott on fire*
Leprechaun: Now where’s me
shilling?
Scott: Fazio’s the one
with your shilling. It’s him you should be killing.
Leprechaun: Fazio’s magic,
pathetic and lame, will soon turn tragic and me shilling I’ll claim.
The
Leprechaun laughs as Scott yells, removing Tammy’s restraints. Tammy tells the
Leprechaun to leave him alone since he got what he wanted and the Leprechaun
disagrees.
Leprechaun: No, me dear, you
shall not pass. I’ll raise me boot and kick your a...
But
before he can finish that quote, Tammy shows the medallion which pushes the
Leprechaun back. The Leprechaun gurney surfs away, but not before giving Tammy
the bird.
Somewhere,
An Old Man Is Like “Damn Kids And Their Gurney Surfing.”
Back
at the casino, Fazio does his show and his magic becomes really good. He even
does The Burning Beauty routine with a member from the audience that he wanted to
do before with Tammy and he isn’t able to get it started because out of the box
that is supposed to be burned enters the Leprechaun.
Maybe
The Leprechaun Has A Case Of The Saturday Night Fever
Fazio
is confused by the Leprechaun showing up. The Leprechaun offers to take the
coin back with no harm coming to Fazio, but Fazio says it will be a cold day in
hell before he gives up the coin and tells the Leprechaun to beat it before he
calls security. The Leprechaun is none too pleased.
Leprechaun: You’re making a
mistake. As a magician, you’re a pathetic flake.
The
Leprechaun then does some magic that encases Fazio in the box that the
Leprechaun was just in. The Leprechaun then grabs a chainsaw and is planning on
sawing Fazio in half, with the audience still believing this to be a magic show
so they don’t help him at all. Fazio then has the coin in his hand and wishes
he was in Caesar’s Palace, but the Leprechaun says that he already had his wish
and he won’t be able to get out of this one. The Leprechaun then starts sawing
Fazio in half.
The
audience then starts noticing the blood and realizes that this is not an
illusion as they are legit seeing a man get sawed in half. Fazio’s last words
are “Caesar’s Palace” before he dies and the Leprechaun shows off what he has
done.
The
audience screams and flees in terror as Scott and Tammy arrive for the final
showdown. Tammy grabs the shilling and tries to make a wish, but the Leprechaun
uses his magic to silence her and undresses her of the jacket and medallion
too. He is about to peel off her face “like a grape”, but Scott tells him to
hold it as he has a flamethrower. The Leprechaun, realizing what Scott is going
to do, tries to negotiate by saying he will share the gold. Of course, Scott’s
Leprechaun half actually starts thinking about the offer, but Tammy tells him
to burn it which wakes Scott back to normal and he burns the pot of gold.
To
be fair, the Leprechaun can only blame himself for this because he did summon
the pot of gold there to try and entice Scott. Anyway, this causes the
Leprechaun to start flying and burn as well.
The
Leprechaun falls and we get a very gory corpse.
Scott
turns back to normal and Tammy kisses him.
The
two leave the casino, but Tammy reveals the shilling. Tammy says that she and
Scott can have anything they want. Scott says it is Tammy’s call since he did
use his wish already so Tammy decides that they don’t need the coin and they go
off together.
What
An Interesting Story He Will Have For His Parents On How They Met And How He
Spent All Their College Money In Vegas. Yeah….That Will Be A Story Indeed.
The
film ends with Scott quoting Casablanca saying that this could be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
The
film was released to VHS and on while it may have a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, that
is only based on 5 reviews who actually decided they must talk about their
feelings on this straight-to-video release. However of the Leprechaun films, it
is the highest rated on IMDB with a 4.5/10 so while critics may see it as any
other Leprechaun sequel (seriously….only the first one and the last two don’t
have a 0%) the average fan actually found more enjoyment out of it. Warrick
Davis would later say that this was his favorite of the series because he liked
the humor in it. Describing it, he said “I think it tapped into the potential
of bringing a comedic element to it all. And Brian Trenchard-Smith, who
directed this one, is an incredible director. He manages to get so much out of
so little money, and that was what was great about working with him. He really
got the humor.”
Here
is the aftermath of the film for the cast and crew.
·
Warrick
Davis (who played the Leprechaun) would return in Leprechaun 4: In Space along
with director Brian Trenchard-Smith (we’ll get into that film next year).
·
John
Gatins (who played Scott), like last time, became a pretty decent screenwriter
(although his latest film Need For Speed got panned).
·
Lee
Armstrong (who played Tammy) quit acting after this film and worked as an
intern on the Howard Stern Show (I don’t know what she is doing today). I
really would love to know what happened with Lee and what happened to cause her
to quit acting after this film because I really liked her in this and found her
to be beautiful.
·
John
DeMita (who played Fazio) does voice acting now, being in several Disney dubs
of Miyazaki films as well as roles in Naruto and Naruto Shippuden.
·
Michael
Callan (who played Mitch) has basically retired from acting and is now for the
most part in the convention circuit.
·
Caroline
Williams (who played Loretta) did guest appearances on TV shows until 2009 when
she returned to horror to do Halloween II and Hatchet 3.
·
Leigh-Allyn
Baker (who played the waitress who served Scott the potatoes) went on to play
Amy Duncan in the Disney TV show Good Luck Charlie.
·
Heidi
Staley (who played the girl that came out of the TV) went on to do some porn
that I’m sure Porno Pete has seen.
My
opinion of this film is this is the best of the Leprechaun films. The humor was
good and we got someone who could play really well off the Leprechaun himself
as most of these films feel like they are just there (including Jennifer
Aniston). It really shows that the cast was having fun and I always appreciate
that in a film. The effects were also great so overall, this may be one of my
favorite inductions because I was able get a lot out of it. It is really good
to do this film because I know next year, we will not be having that fun with
Leprechaun 4: In Space.
Well,
now that we are done with that, I guess I should expect NegaSeth to come here
and give me the next induction and try to say some crap in three…two…
*DVD
gets thrown at Seth with a note.*
What
the hell was that about? So let’s read this note.
Dear Waste Of
Space,
I don’t feel
like giving you any crap. I kind of enjoy my vacation and I’m not going to
waste a single breath announcing what film you will be inducting next month so
I decided to give you this note that I only wasted ink writing, just tape it to
the DVD, and throw it through some wormhole that I know will hit you in the
head. Happy hunting…
Signed,
You Know Who…
Hmm…that
was interesting way to send this to me although I don’t appreciate getting hit
in the head with the damn DVD so let’s see what the next induction is.
Yeah....Looking At These Guys Faces, I Don't Think I Want To "Play" With These Guys.
