Monster Crap
Inductee: Decoys 2: Alien Seduction
Feel The Winter Crap
2007
Last
December, we here at Monster Crap looked at the film called Decoys, which is
about female aliens who need to mate with men, but have the problem that the
men who they have sex with freeze from the inside. A really douchy teen finds
out about it, but no one believes him. He ends up stopping the aliens with help
from his ex-girlfriend (who was an adult when he was a MINOR) and another girl
who likes him named Alex. Sadly, more likable characters die while this douche
lives until the end. I say until the end because he eventually hooks up with Alex,
but he finds out that she is an alien and tries to mate with him as the film
ends.
Well,
guess what? In this film, he returns to help fight more female aliens who want
to mate, led by a character who we all saw in the last film get burnt to bits.
Also, this film I guess was lucky enough to know people from the Saw franchise
because they got both Dina Meyer and Tobin Bell. Tobin Bell is famous of course
for being Jigsaw in the Saw franchise.
Dina
Meyer on the other hand may be well known for being in the Saw franchise and in
Starship Troopers, but here in Monster Crap, you might also know her from a
previous induction of mine.
Yep,
She Was Dr. Sheila Casper In Bats
Other
than the two returning characters and the two people from the Saw franchise, no
one in this film is worth mentioning before this film. So since December is
here, let’s get this induction over with so I can enjoy some Holiday cheer.
We
open this film with opening film credits and music that you would think would
be coming from a current porno movie.
What’s Up…
Of
course you had to be here, Porno Pete. But this is not a porn movie so would
you please leave?
Actually,
no. I will not leave yet. I just wanted to mention that my team made the
playoffs while the teams the represent you, NegaSeth, and the fans did not
and my team had the best record so...I
get to choose what gets inducted in the Summer of 2014 and trust me, all of them
will be porn-tastic.
Damn…okay,
I’ll deal with that when the time comes. But can you please now leave so I can
continue with this induction?
Yes, I can. See you in the Summer of 2014.
Right…so
anyway, we are back and we see a guy trying to get it on with a girl in a car surrounded
by snow and if you remember the first Decoys movie, you know what exactly is
going to happen.
Or
Not, Because A Cop Interrupts, Checking To See If Everyone In The Car Is
Alright.
They
both say that they are fine and the cop leaves, telling them to stay warm. The
girl tells the guy that obviously the cop likes her so the guy better be nice
to her or she will have him thrown in jail for being a hard-ass. The guy tries
to roll up the window before they get back to the making out, but the girl
wants it open. And then…you can guess what happens.
Yep…..Decoys
Tentacle Rape Time
And
that will be the last we see of that guy so we move to the school and we get
the lazy ass opening title crawl.
Then
we got to a class that is being taught by Professor Erwin Buckton, played by
Tobin Bell.
While
I Normally Like To Play Games, There Will Be No Playing Of Games In My Class.
He
talks about species being arranged on an evolutionary ladder from bacteria, all
the way up to man, but nature is also full of mistakes and today’s mistake
could be tomorrow’s new dominant species.
A
female student named Stephanie asks that if a higher species is threatened with
extinction, are they doomed or can they survive by adapting. Prof. Buckton
answers by asking that if mankind was threatened by a reduced gene pool (less
reproductive capabilities), what adaptive measures could we take to ensure our
survival?
The
male student who is next to Stephanie (named Sam) says that they could mate a
lot more, which gets a few laugh, but Stephanie doesn’t like hearing that.
Buckton responds that in evolutionary terms, quantity is no substitute for
quality. The school bell rings and Buckton says their time is up, but next week
is exams, which makes sense since when I was in community college, winter meant
the end of a semester which would mean that exams would need to be taken to
either pass or fail the classes. But Buckton says that his students should not
despair because he has prevailed to bring one of his most brilliant grad
students in Luke.
Who
You Might Remember As The Douchebag “Hero” From The First Film.
But
don’t worry because I believe the people who made this film realized that
having your main character being a complete douchebag was not wise and have
decided to actually make him likable. So no, we will not be having situations
where I will be asking for him to freaking die. Now if you are wondering how he
could survive from the first film since at the end of that film, it seemed that
he was…well…screwed, they will sort of explain that.
Anyway,
Luke will be available all week 24/7 to help anyone if they need it. Luke then
says that 24/7 is really a figure of speech and if they try to get his help
after midnight, then they are going to need some strong adaptive strategies.
Now he said this in a more joking matter, so he is not being a douche here, but
yeah…hopefully no one will try to test what he said because I do think there
will be some trouble if that did happen.
Stephanie
talks to Sam about how gorgeous Luke is and Sam just says that he is also way
too old for her, which she responds that Luke being old is not necessarily a
bad thing. Luke looks out to the window and is startled to see someone from his
past.
Oh
God…..It’s Constance.
Actually
it is not Constance, but just another girl because Luke is just seeing things.
Back
to Sam and Stephanie, Sam asks Stephanie why she doesn’t talk to Luke and she
says that she didn’t come to college to talk to cute TAs (Teaching Assistants),
she came to prepare herself for life’s challenges. Sam then asks but isn’t
finding your ideal mate life’s biggest challenge. Stephanie jokes that he needs
a cute TA. Sam says you never know, but Stephanie says that what Sam actually
needs is someone his age. You can obviously tell that these two are friends
although Stephanie might just have a crush on Sam, but Sam is too dumb to see
the signs.
Sam
goes to his room where his roommates (Peter, Henry, and Nick) are playing
multiplayer on one of the Halo games, which since this film was released in
2007 probably means they were playing Halo 2. His roommates get on Sam for not
asking Stephanie, but Sam says that he and Stephanie are just friends. Two of
his roommates say it is impossible for a girl and a guy to be just friends and
one of the roommates says it is possible.
Henry
Says It Is Possible
Peter
and Nick Say It Is Not Possible
The
roommates then decide that since Sam told them that the roommates make having
sex with co-eds a competition, to make it an actual competition.
We
then cut to Luke, who since he is having visions of Constance again, having a
session with Dr. Alana Geisner, who is played by…
Dina
Meyer, Who Is Looking As Attractive As Always
Luke
says that having the visions again is terrifying and explains what happened in
the first film with beautiful alien females with no belly buttons who want to
mate with tentacles, but during the act, they may freeze to death their male
mates. He then says that now he believes that the stuff that happened
beforehand were done by a cult of women who killed their male mates. He explains
that Constance was one of them and then remembers what happened at the end of
the last film, but explains that after what we saw happen, with her tentacle
raping him, he woke up in the hospital alive and they brought in the shrink.
So
yeah, what happened to Alex from the last one? Heck if we know. But back to the
film, Luke wonders why this is still happening to him and Dr. Geisner believes
that she believes his visions are of a much deeper malaise and she prescribes
him some pills to help stop the visions. Luke thanks the doctor for her time
and the pills.
Back
to Sam and the roommates, Sam is repulsed by the idea of a competition. The
roommates bring a handicap system on how attractive the girls are and more
points for if you have sex with a more attractive woman. Sam doesn’t want to be
a part of this competition, but the roommates say that he has to be a part of
this unless he is gay or he has a steady girlfriend, which Sam doesn’t qualify
for either exception.
We
then get a car speeding down the road with a cop about to pull it over. Of
course the cop is the fat police officer from earlier and the driver of the car
he is pulling over is…
Oh,
She Is So A Decoy…
I
don’t know who did this woman’s makeup, but if you ever want someone to look
not conspicuous, that makeup job does not help. Oh and she has that makeup
throughout the film. She then decides to flirt with the police officer, who
obviously knows she is doing so. But instead of arresting her for obviously
trying to talk her way out of a speeding ticket (going over 40 in a 25 mph
zone), he just goes back to his police car and check her license. Of course,
the obvious decoy decides to follow him into his car and try to have sex with
him.
We
then go to Sam and his roommates trying to get to a party in Nick’s car, but
the car has issues before Nick is finally able to get it to work.
We
then go to the frozen body of the cop.
That
Face Is So Not What You Want To Have When They Find Your Body
The
guys pass by the body of the cop, which is being looked over by the authorities
and the girl who we know is obviously responsible for the cop’s death pass the
guys, giving them the come hither look.
Oh
Hey…Come Hither And…I Didn’t Kill That Cop!!!
At
the party, Nick tells the others to not even bother with phone numbers as if
they are not willing have sex with you tonight, it is not worth it. Henry tries
already hitting on a brunette with red, blue, and purple highlights who is
doing a sociology experiment about how long a girl walks into a party before a
guy buys her a drink. He offers to buy her a drink, but the girl says that it
is obvious that he wants to do more than buy her a drink (have sex) and she
would say yes, but she reveals that she is a lesbian. Nick tries to get Sam to
hit on a girl, but he is too awkward that it doesn’t work out, but she does
flash him.
Stephanie
leaves the library and bumps into Luke, who thought she was Constance. He
scares Stephanie and apologizes for doing so, saying she looked like someone he
used to know. She admits she is a bit terrified and asks Luke to walk her home
so she can feel safe since he is the teaching assistant. He explains where he
knew Constance and guess who is looking at the two?
Why
It’s Constance.
Now,
you might remember that in the movie, Constance was well burnt to a crisp and
how she is here is…well, I don’t know because they never explain how she
survived. She is now the new leader of
the Decoys and is no longer the person who cares about killing people. In fact,
she has no problem if the Decoys with her kill. She meets with the other two
Decoys that we saw earlier and one explains that her victim got overly excited,
but his vital functions ceased, while the other’s victim was a police officer
who she thought was in decent shape, but he didn’t survive the temperature
drop. Unfortunately neither were able to dispose of the bodies which makes
Constance very unhappy.
But
Constance is more than able to help with Luke’s backstory by explaining that he
was able to survive because his body temperature went down slowly and that
helps. Of course because of that, he knows of their existence so they have to
watch over him so he does not screw up their plans. Constance then says that
they need to draw out the sex as long as possible so it can help with them
being alive for as long as they are able to impregnate them. They ask how they
are able to do so because these humans seem so eager and Constance just says to
use their imaginations.
Nick
goes back very happy while everyone else is annoyed by his arrogance since Nick
did get laid. But the other roommates don’t count it since they don’t have
proof that it happened and then Henry decides that they need footage from their
cell phone cameras to be proof that it happened. Henry then goes out for a
drink of some candy when one the Decoys (her name is Delia) tries to hook up
with him.
She
reveals that through using her eyes to read his mind that she can have the
exact attire that would excite him.
She
tries to mate with him, but before anything happens…Henry is not able to go
through it because he is a virgin and just leaves. He goes back to the room
pissed that he was not able to have sex with her, but unbeknownst to him, his
awkwardness might have saved his life.
The
next day, Prof. Buckton is met by Constance, who is working at the hospital as
Dr. Snowden.
Let’s
Avoid Edward Snowden Jokes
Anyway,
Constance is interested about Luke, saying Luke experienced a psychotic episode
a few years ago and she would like to be informed if he ever started behaving
abnormally again. Another student, Arnold Steiner, comes in asking about the
“secret contest” that he heard about (obviously someone did not keep it between
roomies).
He
wants in and thanks to Sam, who says his word is good, he is allowed in. But
they tell him to keep it between them, which he agrees to keep it secret. But
of course, he decides to tell every guy out there and thankfully for them, by
telling every guy...word about this doesn’t get to the girls. Oh and of course,
the people who now know agree to put money to play so it is now a business
venture.
At
the library, Arnold talks to Sam and reveals his secret weapon is a synthetic
bull musk spray that he bought. Unfortunately for him, the spray seems to ward
off the girl he is trying to hit on because of course, he stinks. Guys, let me
speak to you all for a minute. This pheromone spray crap that uses pheromones
from other animals...those pheromones work to attract females from that species
so that bull musk this moron just used, basically makes him only attractive to
female cows. And if you have ever been to a farm, you would know that cows and
bulls stink to high heaven. Of course, guess who comes in to try and well, make
it with him.
Why
It’s The Decoy Who Had The Crap Make-Up That Was So Barbie-Like That She Failed
To Be Conspicuous Whatsoever.
Well
thankfully she ditched that makeup and now looks a little more human, but not
by much. I’m sorry to this actress because I’m sure she is nice and all, but
this film makes her look so much like a Barbie doll that it isn’t even funny
and when you are trying to hide the fact that you are an alien, looking like a
Barbie doll does not work.
Anyway,
Arnold asks for Sam’s cellphone because he forgot his and Sam gives it to him
as he leaves to go try to have sex with the obvious Decoy. A few minutes later,
I was able to find out her character name is Jasmine so I’m going to be kind
and call her that through the rest of the movie. Stephanie comes in and wonders
what is going on because Sam gave Arnold his cellphone for some reason, but Sam
just brushes it off and runs away.
Arnold
walks with Jasmine into the woods and Jasmine decides that here is a perfect
spot for her to have mate with Arnold. Arnold does the cell cam stuff and then
prepares to make out with Jasmine who uses her eye reading powers to turn
herself into a woman who looks like she came out of an S&M club.
For
some reason, Arnold does not question how she is able to change clothes so
quickly or the whole eye thing which she is not really hiding. Actually, he
does ask how she does that, but she basically brushes him off and he just goes
with it.
Duh…She
Didn’t Answer The Question, But She Is So Hot That I’ll Have Sex With Her
Despite The Fact That She Has Shown That She Is Not Human.
Sam
is elsewhere seeing this on the monitor from the cell and notices the strange
things going on as the camera starts freezing. Jasmine then decides to tentacle
rape him.
I’m Surprised These Movies Are Not A Hit With The Yaoi Culture In Japan
Pete,
I thought you were gone and what the hell is Yaoi?
Yaoi…it is a erotic subculture in Japan more oriented for women and gay men. It’s
basically more focused on the guys in the sex scenes instead of the women. In
this case, the tentacle rape that you and many others joke about in Japan is
happening to a guy instead of a woman so it would be more Yaoi themed than any
other genre.
But
you have never struck me as someone who is bi-sexual.
Well,
I’m not…but when looking for porn of hentai variety, you tend to come across
this stuff and I am not as stupid as you think I am so I do know this stuff
exists.
Well…goddammit,
now I have to get my brain bleached so I can try to forget all the terrible
crap you just said.
Wouldn’t
recommend that. You forget this conversation happened and you will probably
have to relive it all over again.
Please
tell me we are not going to have this whole gay porn in your chosen films in
2014.
What??
No!!! I’m not that sick. While I may know the stuff, I’m not into that stuff.
Oh
thank god….I sometimes don’t know about you. But since we are done, can you get
out of here now.
Sure…I
promise I’ll be out of your hair this time
Thank
god.
Anyway,
she rapes him and even reveals her alien form in the process.
…
Great, Porno Pete decided to really leave this time.
Sam
sees some strange stuff going on through the garbled mess that is on the screen
and decides to chase after Arnold to see if he is okay. Jasmine checks Arnold’s
heartbeat after the rape and sees that Arnold is fine, but she hears Sam coming
so she scrams. Sam comes to Arnold, who basically talks about how cold it is.
Sam goes to call for some help and is able to get a taxi driver to be there,
but when he arrives, Arnold is gone so the taxi driver leaves, not believing
him.
The
cops arrive as well and arrest Sam for making a fake call to 911. The cops tell
him it is a serious offense for what he did and thinking that Sam might have
been pranked himself, they let him off with a warning.
Back
at the dorm, Sam and his roommates try to deconstruct and fix his cellphone so
they can see what happened. They also watch the video and Nick wonders how a
dweeb like Arnold can get with a “Hottie”. Nick, that is your opinion. Not
saying she is ugly, but the whole Barbie look does not do it for me. During the
conversation, Henry seems to remember his encounter with the woman who turned
into someone of his fantasy, but he says nothing about it. Henry then puts
Arnold on the top on the leader board while Sam tries to call Arnold,
unsuccessfully.
At
the library the next day, Peter tells Sam that Arnold is going to win if Sam
doesn’t get into the game and tries once more to tell Sam to try and have a
sexual relationship with Stephanie, saying she obviously has a crush on him,
but Sam once again is adamant in saying they are just friends.
At
night, Luke is at the classroom making drawings of the Decoys from his
memories. Prof. Buckton shows up and tries to get Luke to try and take a break.
You know, try and have some fun. Buckton also has an interest in Luke’s
drawings asking where he gets those. Luke says he sees them in his head and
Buckton asks if he is serious. Luke then looks at him and says no, which
Buckton pauses, but takes it as Luke being inside for too long. He is impressed
by the musculature and asks if he can have a few, which Luke is okay with.
I
Have To Admit They Are Very Good Drawings
Meanwhile
in the library, we get a scene where Peter looks at a woman who he thinks is
hot and tries to admire her stealthily, but trips looking at her, which she
notices and leaves annoyed by his actions. Delia asks if Peter is alright and
hits on him, but tells him that it can’t be here since they hate it when you
talk in a library. Peter then says he knows a place where they can make as much
noise as they want, which is at the stadium. She does the eye thing and reveals
what his fantasy is.
A
Woman In A School Girl Outfit
Elsewhere,
Sam and Stephanie are walking elsewhere and we notice that Stephanie is not
wearing much winter attire. When Sam brings this up, Stephanie says that after
her workout, she is okay. Stephanie says that she met Luke the other night and
mentioned all the stuff he said about aliens, but when he said it, it seemed
like he believed it. Stephanie then mentions that she is thinking of changing
the color of her hair and basically asks Sam if he would like her as a blonde.
If
I Had A “Dude, She Is Obviously Into You!!!” Alarm, It Would Be Making So Much
Noise That It Would Wake Up The Neighbors.
Sam
obviously does not answer and Stephanie just laughs her own idea off.
Back
at the stadium, Peter and Delia are in the locker room where Peter puts his
phone and says they he is going to put it on vibrate, although we really know
that he is getting his cellphone camera ready. He also puts the heater on
because he is cold and this is not good for Delia, who runs away from the heat
while Peter says that she should at least give him her phone number.
Luke
goes to the hospital for his meeting with Dr. Geisner, but Dr. Geisner is busy.
And while Luke is told that, Constance and Jasmine see that he is there.
Jasmine wants to try to make it with him, but Constance says it is way too
dangerous to try with him.
Meanwhile,
another Decoy who we meet at this exact moment, named Angeline is making out
with the guy with dreadlocks who we saw earlier give money to enter the
competition. He has his phone set up and is ready to rack some points in the
game, but unfortunately for him…Angeline decides to tentacle rape him.
I
Would Show More, But Angeline Is Topless So Yeah, You Got To See Some Boobs In
This Scene.
Beavis
And Butthead Do Approve Though
Back
at the dorm, Peter admits that he has this fantasy about women in school-girl
uniforms. The two roommates there, Sam and Henry, laugh this off because you
know, school-girls are underage, which Peter just says is just a fantasy. Henry
does say that it is a pretty common fantasy with early childhood development.
Peter then says that just like Arnold, this chick turned into his fantasy, but
when the propane heater came on, she freaked as if she was allergic to heat.
Sam takes pause and remembers what Stephanie said about Luke’s visions and puts
the two dots together that these aliens do exist and they are here.
We
then get a woman in the shower, who is Stephanie.
She
hears some noises in her room and it’s Sam, who wants to talk to her about the
visions Luke saw and actually believes that they may be real. Sam and Stephanie
break into Luke’s room, which Stephanie is very reluctant about. They see all
of the newspaper clippings which talk about alien sightings. They also see the
drawings the Luke has done which goes into full detail about the alien anatomy.
Stephanie opens a window and complains about it being way too hot in here,
which with her previous scenes is to make the audience believe that she might
be a Decoy herself like Alex was in the first film.
In
the library, we see Luke looking up stories about missing students on the
campus and he is wondering where the bodies are. Of course Constance sees that
he is getting close and she is worried. She then decides to meet with Prof.
Buckton and expresses her concerns that Luke might be believing in the aliens.
She then decides to try and seduce him, which Buckton is okay with, which means
that the Professor is dead meat.
Oh
Yeah…She Wants Some Jigsaw Loving…
Elsewhere,
we see that the TV is now reporting Arnold’s disappearance. And Luke is shaving
and believes that they are back. Luke meets with Dr. Geisner and shows his
evidence of the beliefs that the Decoys are back. Of course Dr. Geisner does
not believe any of this and wants him back on the medicine. Luke then starts
believing that Dr. Geisner might be one of them and after watching the first
film, I wouldn’t have put either her or Stephanie out as a possible Decoy,
except that the film is making it too obvious they might be which means they
are not.
Sam
is in the waiting room, waiting for Luke. When Luke appears, Sam tells him that
he does believe that the Decoys are real. Luke first thinks Sam is playing a
prank, but Sam then reveals that he believes that they killed one of his
friends. Luke then reveals that it might mean that they are slipping up this
time. When Sam asks what the aliens want, Luke reveals that they want us as
mating partners. He says they can trick you into being your best friend or your
girlfriend. Luke then tells him never to let his guard down before seeing
Constance.
Luke
goes after Constance and is about to be arrested until Dr. Geisner saves his
rear end and says that he should be put in her immediate care, which Constance
is okay with. This of course continues to put us in the belief that Dr. Geisner
is one of them, but of course when you push that hard, it is almost obvious
that what you are supposed to believe is not the truth. They inject Luke with a
sedative and put him in a bed with restraints to make sure he does not escape.
Luke tries one last attempt to have Dr. Geisner let him out to stop the aliens,
but she refuses.
It
is time for the Luau that has been on posters throughout the school during this
whole film. Henry then sets the computer to update every few minutes so we can
do the leaderboard of this sex competition in real time. Of course right now
Nick is in the lead while Sam still believes in the alien stuff, even though I
should mention earlier that when Luke tried to tell Dr. Geisner that Sam
believed him, Sam didn’t come to his defense by saying it was true.
Sam
then pretends to be a janitor to help break out Luke.
Jeez…It
Is That Easy To Be Able To Help Break Out Someone. Just Pretend To Be A Janitor
With No Other Disguise But A Jumpsuit. No Wonder This Campus Has A Decoy Being Able To Hide As
A Doctor, Security Is Completely Stupid.
Sam
apologizes for not defending him, but now helps Luke out by getting him out of
his restraints. Of course, just to prove how stupid security is. They don’t see
Luke and Sam go down the laundry chute.
Top
Notch Security Here
While
outside, Luke reveals that you should not look these aliens in the eyes or they
will read your mind. Luke and Sam are at the Luau where Luke tells Sam that the
Decoys don’t have belly-buttons. Meanwhile some girl tries to hit on Henry who
is monitoring the party from his nearby computer.
Henry
thinks that since she is blonde and opened the window (saying that it is way
too hot in here), that she might be one of the Decoys, but it turns out that
she wasn’t one of the Decoys and was actually into him.
In
This Film, You Are Almost Wonderiing Where Maury Povich Is So He Can Do The
Whole “???, You Are/Are Not A Decoy”
Nick
leaves the party with Jasmine though as the party continues. Sam sees a woman
in blonde hair who is dancing with several guys and it turns out that the
blonde is actually Stephanie.
Yeah,
She Went Through With Becoming A Blonde. Sam, She Is So Into You…
Stephanie
tries to hit on him, but Sam (hearing Luke tell him that it is almost always
the ones that are closest to you) is more concerned with making sure if she is
a Decoy or not. Although Stephanie doesn’t help the matter by saying that it is
way too hot in the room and she wants to take him somewhere where he can cool
off. Meanwhile Peter and Henry see a video with Nick and Jasmine. And
yep…Jasmine reveals that she is a Decoy. Meanwhile,
it is revealed that Stephanie is not a Decoy.
She
Has A Belly Button And A Pierced One, At That. Did Not Expect Her Character To
Be The Type Of Woman Who Would Be Okay With Piercings.
Stephanie
is sort of offended that Sam would think she was one of them, but that is
interrupted when Peter yells at Sam that Nick is in danger from a Decoy.
Stephanie sees this and also realizes that the Decoys are real and the crew
decide to try and find Nick before it is too late. They are able to save Nick
as the Decoy runs away realizing that they are after her. They check on Nick
and ask him what it was like, which Nick responds that it wasn’t too bad, it
was actually enjoyable to him.
I
Think We May Have Found Porno Pete’s Brother
We
Are Not Related
Okay….wait,
I thought you wouldn’t be in my hair anymore.
You
made a comment about me that was not true. What did you think was going to
happen?
Okay,
my bad….I’ll keep silent on that now.
The
group meets up and says that they need to find them, but it is going to be hard
to do so because they look like normal girls. Stephanie tells them to speak for
themselves because girls can tell when another girl is fake. And to prove so,
she finds Delia with her first pointing of the finger.
She
and Angeline run away as the group chases them. Oh and Angeline throws a door
at them in an attempt to stall them.
They
realize the Decoys are heading to the hospital and they create make-shift
weapons with beer bottles (for Molotov cocktails), industrial strength hair
spray (which added with a lighter can be a blowtorch), and flares. They head to
the hospital where Stephanie says that since the building is enormous, they
won’t be able to find them for days. But Luke knows they will be somewhere no
one ever goes, which is the old Morgue. They split up (Luke, Nick, and Peter in
one group; Sam, Stephanie, and Henry being in the other) because they don’t
know where the old Morgue is, which is always a smart idea.
If
You Are Part Of The Mystery Mobile Gang
By
the way, Sam finally does man up and kisses Stephanie, showing that he does
love her. Delia grabs Sam and locks herself with him into a room. She then tries
to make it with Sam, but she is unable to do so before Stephanie breaks down
the door and tries to burn her with the make-shift blowtorch
She
backs Delia into a corner, but her can stops working. It seems that they are
screwed when Henry gets Delia in the back with a flare.
As
you can guess….Delia is burnt to a crisp.
Nick
finds a dark room and separates from the group that has Luke and Peter.
Angeline tries to beg for her life as she likes being human and seduces Nick.
But Peter shows up and Angeline is screwed. She bumps into the electrical
outlet and gets electrocuted.
Damn…
Back
to the group with Henry, Sam, and Stephanie. Henry has the idea of splitting up
again with Sam & Stephanie going one way and he alone going the other. Sam
and Stephanie find the old morgue while Constance looks on, upset that their
hiding place has been found. Inside is Jasmine, who attempts to kill Stephanie
with her tentacles, but Sam is able to free her with a knife and they both lock
Jasmine into the heater. Jasmine tries to beg for her life, but they both see
through her games and she is killed.
Elsewhere,
Dr. Geisner realizes that Luke has escaped and runs to go find him, hearing
noises coming from under the main hospital. Sam and Stephanie then get cornered
by Constance who has decided to ditch her human form and reveals that she is a
red Decoy.
Constance
tries to strangle both of them. But Luke shows up with a Molotov cocktail. She
knocks it out of his hand and she tries to kill him for all the past crap she
has had to go through with him. Dr. Geisner shows up and realizes that all of
what Luke said about the Decoys was true. Constance says that Luke survived
mating once so she wants to try it again. Dr. Geisner puts a needle to
Constance’s back and thanks to her standing on the alcohol that came from the
Molotov cocktail, Luke sets her on fire.
Sam
and Stephanie kiss as both Dr. Geisner and Luke smile at the idea of true love.
Nick, Henry, and Peter come in and are glad that Sam finally has a girlfriend.
They all hear moans from another room and decide to investigate. There, they
find all of the bodies of the victims like Arnold, the guy with dreadlocks, the
cop, the dude at the beginning, and…
Professor
Buckton!!!
As
they check on the professor, they see that his chest is moving so they assume
that he is alive. But unfortunately, it is just the babies of the Decoys. And
the film ends with the babies hatching from all the bodies as our human
characters look like they are screwed.
That
definitely was the end because there is no sequel to this film.
A
lot of what I said about Dina Meyer, Corey Sevier, and Kim Poirer is still the
same although I forgot to mention that Dina Meyer was also in Piranha 3D and
this year, Corey is part of the cast of the Hallmark TV series called Cedar
Grove. Tobin Bell was still doing the role of Jigsaw in the Saw series. Bradley
Goddard (who played Nick) is a Regional Manager of Alberta for Steam Whistle
Brewing. Michelle Molineux (who plays Delia) voices Hannah for the English dub
of the anime Pretty Cure.
My
opinion is that in a way, this film is actually better than the original. The
characters are written better with you being able to root for the good guys and
root against the villains. They fixed mistakes made by the first film. The only
bad thing is the fact that they never mention how Constance could still be alive
even though we saw her die in the first film.
So
with the Decoys December done, I can now take a break.
Hello,
Inferior Me…
Hello,
jackass…
So
what are you going to do this holiday?
Be
hopefully away from you and have a completely awesome Christmas. You?
Me,
I’m gonna relax. I mean, I have looked at the schedule next year and for the
most part, I get to relax. You on the other hand will suffer through the GINO
Award Winner, Pumpkinhead 2, another Leprechaun movie, a summer of films by Porno
Pete, among others.
Damn
you, NegaSeth. For everyone, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
