Monster Crap Inductee: Castle Freak (1995)

Monster Crap Inductee: Castle Freak

There's A Turd In The Castle

1995

After months of doing films from the 21^st Century (most of them big budget films), we finally go back to the 1990s when I was still in school and we meet an old friend again in Charles Band and Full Moon Pictures. But, this is not like most Charles Band films as we get a good director in Stuart Gordon, who likes to do films with a Lovecraftian style in Re-Animator and From Beyond (both of which were done for Empire Pictures, which was run by Charles Band before that company went bankrupt and Charles Band had to make Full Moon Pictures). As usual, this was a film where the poster was made first and then the story was done afterwards so Stuart was able to do whatever he wanted as long as he had a castle and a freak.

As far as the castle goes, that part was very easy since Charles Band himself owns a castle in Italy, which Stuart knows his way around as he filmed his version of Pit And The Pendulum in. As far as the Freak goes, they hired Jonathan Fuller who worked with Stuart in that Pit And The Pendulum film so he also knows his way around the castle and also worked again with Charles Band in Arcade. But with Stuart Gordon’s connections, he was easily able to get the two leads in this film since they were the leads in both Re-Animator and From Beyond in Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton.

Who I Got A Photo With And Autograph Of At Monster Mania In Cherry Hill, New Jersey in 2017

As you can see from the autograph, she is also a Monster Crap alumni as she was in Chopping Mall as Suzie Lynn and also had a cameo in Puppet Master. We also have another Monster Crap alumni in Garrett Cassell who has an uncredited role in this film, but also has an uncredited role in Monsturd as The Weiner King and a credited role in Madman as the innkeeper.

A Guy Who I Mistakenly Called A Caretaker And Was A Drunk Who Got Killed By Madman Marz.

With not much else to mention, let’s get to the induction.

We begin this film with an old woman giving a cat milk.

Chester Would Have Enjoyed Some Milk….Probably (Never Found Out If He Was Lactose Intolerant)

She makes some food and goes to the castle dungeon where she feeds the cat and then goes to whip her malnourished freak of a son Giorgio.

Freaking Child Abuse In The First Few Minutes Of This Movie

She leaves and then gives Giorgio whatever food that cat didn’t eat. The old woman then goes to her bed and dies.

And She Is Probably Rotting In Hell

And Then We Get Our Opening Credits With Title Sequence

After the credits, a new family moves in to the castle, having inherited it from The Duchess, who was that old lady who we saw die. The family includes John Reilly, his wife Susan, and their blind daughter Rebecca.

John is telling the driver/lawyer named Giannetti that they are shocked that somehow they inherited a castle. They are led inside and we find out that John here is somehow the son of the duchess’ sister so since she had no heirs, the nephew gets the castle. Unfortunately, while there is a castle to their name, there is no money as the family lost all of its money during “the war” (I think they mean World War 2, but it could be any war to be honest). Since there is no additional money, John wants to start liquidating the assets and sell the castle since this ordinary family probably doesn’t have the money to take care of an entire castle. They then meet the housekeeper named Agnese as she is preparing the bed.

Giannetti leaves as he mentions that he will get right on their attempt to sell the castle and everything in it, which will take some time since you know, you need an inventory of everything in the castle. Oh and Susan makes them prepare another room for the husband since the two are not sleeping in the same bed, which means there might be trouble in the marriage. That night, we see more trouble in the marriage as John wants to start things over with their marriage, but Susan seems to be not interested at this time. We find out through John’s nightmares that John was driving drunk and crashed which killed John and Susan’s five year old son JJ and is the reason Rebecca is blind.

John wakes up from this nightmare and is obviously haunted by the deadly mistake he made. He then starts hearing moans and cries so he investigates. He of course thinks it might be JJ because with grief like being the reason your son is dead, you might think you can have been gifted a second chance with a miracle. John goes into the basement and finds the wind cellar with a while lot of wine in it. In his anger at the temptation, John breaks a bottle and cuts his hand.

John is cleaning his wound when Agnese comes up to talk to him. She asks if something woke him and John plays ignorant of the groans that he heard. She tells him the story of the Duchess having a son Giorgio who apparently died when he was 5 years old. Apparently, she had a husband who abandoned her and the little boy for the Duchess’ sister. Giorgio was then buried and the Duchess dismissed everyone in her service to live out the rest of her life in the castle. The housekeeper then reveals when the rumor is that when the Duchess found out her husband had abandoned her for her sister and moved to America, that she killed her own son in revenge. Apparently, the rumors also are that late at night, you can still hear Giorgio’s cries. As we all know, Giorgio is very much alive and shackled in the basement, but none of the other people know that.

In her bedroom, we hear Rebecca with an audiotape trying to learn Italian. She tears up and her mother comes to console her. John comes by and says he has paper ready so he can list the inventory of the castle so he can put stuff on the market. He offers his daughter to go with him as he does this and she accepts, despite Susan’s apprehension. They find a room full of toys and surmise that this room was the nursery. He finds a bed and leaves his daughter there while he searches more around the castle. He looks under the bed, hoping for jewelry. He instead finds the chain whip the Duchess was using. John is definitely creeped out by this like any person would.

I Better Get Rid Of This Before Susan Walks In And Gets The Extremely Wrong Idea Of What I Am Doing

John then looks through the Duchess dress drawer and finds a picture book. As John is looking through the picture book, Rebecca hears scratching and goes to investigate. She opens another door in the nursery and out walks a cat.

The Same Little Cat From Earlier Who I Am Surprised Hasn’t Died Yet Of Starvation

The cat walks around and Rebecca follows. The cat goes down the stairs and John finally realizes that Rebecca is not where he left her. He goes to search for his daughter as Rebecca follows the cat down the stairs. She trips and falls in the basement and scrapes her knee. She is about to head back up the stairs when she hears a noise. She finds an empty plate and looks at the window of the dungeon (although she doesn’t know it is a dungeon window), which wakes up the imprisoned Giorgio.

Aww Man….I Had A Wonderful Dream About A Tale As Old As Time

Giorgio sees her and Rebecca then hears her father looking for her. Rebecca leaves and the cat tries to leave to, but let’s just say Giorgio is a bit hungry.

Giorgio Ate That Puddy Cat

Susan finds Rebecca first and of course when John comes in, Susan gives him a tongue lashing for allowing their daughter to wonder around the castle by herself and the knee scrape she has. Rebecca tries to tell her arguing parents that there is someone else in the castle, but they are too busy arguing to even bother with that point she brought up. Meanwhile Giorgio finally decides that he should break out of his chains via breaking off his own thumb.

Giorgio then yells as he is now free.

I’m Free!!!!!!

Back in the bedroom, Rebecca wants to stop being babied by her parents just because she is blind, but they don’t want to hear it. As they walk away, Giorgio breaks out of his dungeon cell. We see the Reilly family getting made dinner by Agnese and Rebecca asks if there is a cat in the castle. The housekeeper doesn’t know of any cat in the castle and mentions that the Duchess used to like cats. She also said she was a maid for the Duchess when they were both younger and the Duchess was pretty, but also demanding.

Giorgio walks weirdly up the castle like if he was a hunchback, even though he is not one. He is horrified by his own reflection and breaks the mirror.

That's 7 Years Bad Luck

John and Susan hear this and see the remains of the broken mirror. John is upset that the mirror could have been valuable and Rebecca once again says that someone else is in the castle as the parents wonder what caused the mirror to break. That night, Giorgio enters Rebecca’s bedroom as she is asleep. Of course, he sees her as pretty and wants to touch her, but Rebecca wakes up. She of course is blind and doesn’t see him, but hears the chains drop and screams. Giorgio runs away as her parents come to check on her. Rebecca says there was someone in her room and John goes to look for that person. Of course he passes by Giorgio who hid himself in one of the covers.

I Am Not Kidding You. John Did Not Look Under Any Of Those Covers.

John does go in the basement where he finds the plate and a mausoleum that was built in the castle. Unbeknownst to John, Giorgio follows him into this room. He sees the tomb of what is supposed to be Giorgio’s with a photo of him and confused that photo for his late son JJ. The next day, they call the authorities, but they don’t believe them since they didn’t find any person in the house besides them. After the police (including a bald cop named Forte) leave, John wants to show Susan something and leads her to the mausoleum, but the picture of Giorgio as a child is gone. John says that when he found this place and that picture, he felt like JJ in some way was here. Susan has to remind John that JJ is dead and believes John’s consciousness is making him believe that JJ’s spirit is somehow here because he wants to atone for what happened. We also learn that John believes that he was fired from the university when he was a professor for being too politically incorrect. Susan also reveals that she is punishing John because God didn’t for his drinking the night of the accident. John runs up the castle into the upstairs area to look upon the town and considers killing himself, but decides against it.

John then goes into town and decides that he really needs a drink.

That night, John is still at the bar and meets a prostitute named Sylvana.

John wants to drink some more with the lady, but a cop shows up and tells John that he is being cut off for the night. He then takes her to the wine cellar in the castle where they get drunk. The two then start making out.

I Wonder If Susan Finds Them, Will John Use The Excuse That The Two Were On A Break. Lord Knows Ross Did To Rachel On Friends.

And Giorgio decides to be Peeping Tom as he decides to watch the two make out, John goes down on Sylvanna, and then the two have sex.

And Yes, He Does Get To See Some Boob And Vagina Action. But Due To My Censoring….You, The Reader, Will Not.

John is then racked with guilt for cheating on his wife and pays the hooker to leave. Sylvanna tries to sneak out of the castle, but she runs into Giorgio, who grabs her. Morning comes and Forte comes to his house looking for the prostitute, who they know left with him last night. Of course the wife finds out about this and is not happy that John might have slept with another woman.

We Were On A Break!!!!

Of course now Forte wants to look inside which John finds rich since the cop couldn’t be bothered to do so yesterday when they asked. The policeman also wants John to come by the station to answer some questions, but John is not going to do so without his lawyer. And for those of you asking, I looked it up and yes, the police are required to let you have an attorney when you are questioned. Susan slaps him before she leaves.

We go back to the dungeon, which is where Sylvanna is chained up and none of the Reilly family has gone back down to check. Giorgio is also there still in that sheet and looking at her. She tries to run away, but Giorgio has the other end of the chain and is not letting her escape. Giorgio wants her to drink some wine with him, but she is not in the wine drinking mood. Sylvanna then tries to seduce him in hopes that maybe that will cause him to let her go (and yes…sadly we do see Giorgio’s testicles since yeah, Giorgio is completely naked in this film). She does not like the fact that he is completely naked and it is not made any better when Giorgio starts kissing her. She grabs the wine bottle, breaks it, and slashes Giorgio in the arm. This makes Giorgio very angry so Giorgio starts raping Sylvana.

Giorgio then bites Sylvanna’s nipple off while we go back upstairs and Susan is planning on leaving John despite her daughter’s objections. We then go to the restaurant and John is speaking with the Gianneti. Giannetti says that John shouldn’t worry as they have very little evidence to arrest John on. We also find out that Sylvanna has a kid and while she has screwed half the town (including the lawyer himself), it is more than probable that the kid’s father is Forte. Giannetti then gets a phone call from Agnese who has found something among the belongings in a handbag, but I don’t know what since I don’t speak Italian and there are no subtitles.

We then immediately find out two things. First that Agnese is Giannetti’s sister and that the handbag she found belonged to Sylvanna. Giannetti says that with the handbag (something a woman doesn’t leave behind by choice) still in the castle, they are probably going to arrest John now because yeah, that might be enough evidence to charge someone with at least the crime of kidnapping. Giannetti says that since he is a lawyer, he will have Agnese bring him the handbag so they will not find it in the castle, which means they cannot arrest John. Also the understanding is once Sylvanna is found, they will return the handbag to her. But Giannetti also wants some money for doing all of this, which is blackmail and the lawyer seems okay with that.

John calls him a bastard and Giannetti says he thinks it is time that John knows the truth. The lawyer reveals that the Duchess was John’s father’s first wife and his mother is the Duchess’ sister that his father left her for. Basically it means that Giorgio (who everyone here believes is dead) is John’s half-brother. I think I have to use this clip.

John has of course a hard time believing this since his parents never told said anything about this or of any Duchess. Also, since the Duchess was nobility, she would never give his father of divorce so the marriage of his father and mother was never legal….unless you are a polygamist and even then, this is questionable. He then says that because they were never truly married, John is truly the bastard.

John: So Let Me Get This Straight. You Hid Information That I Would Have Been Really Important For Me To Know….Just So You Could Have A Retort On The Off-Chance That I Should Ever Call You A Bastard?

Giannetti: Brilliant, Isn’t It?

John: No!!! That’s Incredibly Stupid???!!!!

Giannetti: So Stupid, It Is Genius?

John: No, Just Stupid

Agnese leaves the castle to bring the bag to her brother when she hears a scream. Agnese heads to the dungeon and finds Giorgio going down on Sylvanna’s partially eaten body (although Sylvanna is still alive).

Of Course I’m Not Showing You Him Actually Doing That!!!!

Agnese checks on Sylvanna and Giorgio then beats Agnese to death with the chains as Sylvanna finally dies of her wounds.

Bye Agnese

Susan and Rebecca are preparing to leave when John arrives to try and stop them. He pleads that if Susan leaves him, then it will look like he is guilty when the cops come to arrest him. But the cops do stop Susan and Rebecca from leaving because they are going to search the house and they need all potential witnesses and suspects to stay put.

Sorry, We Cannot Let You Leave This Movie Until It Is Finished.

John decides to go get a shovel and heads to the basement as the cops arrive with Susan, Rebecca, and Giannetti to search the castle. John breaks the tomb that is supposed to have the corpse of Giorgio in it and finds an empty coffin. John shows this to the cops saying that there is someone else in the castle and it is Giorgio. Of course, once again the cops do not believe John and arrest him. He tells them they have to search the castle, but they really don’t have to because they immediately find the bodies of Sylvanna and Agnese.

Not A Pretty Sight Indeed

John tries to plead his innocence as Forte the cop tells John that he shouldn’t say anything until he has spoken to his lawyer. Giannetti, being that lawyer and seeing his dead sister, goes to strangle John.

Seems Like A Reasonable Response To The Idea Of Your Client Killing Your Sister

The cops actually stop Giannetti and take John to jail. That night, Forte tells Susan that she and her daughter must stay here tonight until tomorrow where they will have to give testimony. Oh and Forte is going to leave two police officers to watch over them. One of the cops goes to get Susan some water when he notices dust coming out of the kitchen chimney. He goes to investigate and is dragged up it with the understanding from the audience that he is killed.

John is being interrogated and wants someone who can speak English. Forte of course speaks English so he tells John that he better be ready to answer some questions. John says he will answer all the questions, but they have to get his family out of that castle because they are in danger. He keeps saying that Giorgio must have killed Sylvanna and is in the castle somewhere. Forte (showing more proof that he is the father to Sylvanna’s child that has been talked about) grabs a nightstick and threatens John with it unless he starts telling him the truth.

I Think There May Be A Conflict Of Interest On Forte’s Part

Back at the castle, Susan yells at the sleeping cop that they still haven’t gotten their water so that cop decides to check and see what the delay is. That cop finds a bloody sheet covering something and that something is Giorgio who pops up and kills the cop.

Oooh, Nasty….

Back in the bedroom, Susan tells Rebecca that the they are going to get through this. Rebecca wonders if Susan thinks John is a murderer and Susan keeps silent, which the blind daughter determines to mean that her mother believes her father is a murderer. Rebecca then thinks that the parents might have loved JJ more than her and Susan is shocked by this belief. Rebecca says her reasoning for that assertion is that the two hated each other after JJ died. Look, I understand that kids do not think rationally here. But Rebecca was also blind in that same accident so no, Susan would have equal reason for Susan to hate John for what happened to both of their kids. Susan says that she and John both love Rebecca very much and tells her that her father needs both of their prayers at this time.

The two pray and Susan goes to find the cops so she can get that water. Susan is then knocked out by Giorgio.

Rebecca talks as if her mother is still there and talks about how she’ll get a special boyfriend who won’t care that she is blind. She then takes off her shirt to reveal her undergarments and Giorgio touches her.

I Think Giorgio Is Volunteering To Be That Special Boyfriend Even Though That Would Definitely Be Incest Despite The Fact They Don’t Know That

That Didn’t Stop Me From Marrying My Second Cousin

Rebecca soon realizes it is Giorgio by his breathing and backs away from him. Giorgio then puts her on his shoulder and kidnaps her.

Susan soon wakes up and follows the screams. She grabs a knife and finds the body of one of the police officers.

Back at the police station, John is still trying to convince Forte of his story. Forte still thinks John killed Sylvanna and John says the only thing he did to Sylvanna was fuck her. That of course causes Forte to hit him over the head with the nightstick and he has to be restrained by two other officers before doing more damage. They take him to another room and because John was never handcuffed or restrained in any way, he grabs the nightstick and escapes after knocking out Forte, who goes back after calming down.

Yeah, These Cops Are Freaking Useless

Giorgio takes Rebecca to the dungeon and restrains her with the chains. Giorgio tries showing her his picture as a child and then he finds out that she is blind. He then reveals his face, which of course Rebecca cannot see.

He then starts touching Rebecca again who is unhappy with him doing this and tells him to stop. He starts removing the bra, but is stopped by Susan, who has a knife. She tells him to let her daughter go and Giorgio starts skronking .

If You Have Ever Seen An Ultimate Warrior Promo, You Definitely Know What Skronking Is

Susan then reveals her bra and tells Giorgio to take her instead. Giorgio goes to investigate Susan’s body, but Susan still has that knife and stabs him with it. Susan grabs Rebecca and they run away as the freak tries to get the knife out of his back. They get out of the dungeon and but are met by Giogio who somehow is able to bust out a window from the second floor. Wait a minute….he was in the dungeon basement and somehow with a delay was able to jump out of a second floor window while Susan and Rebecca were on the main floor courtyard?

Did He Borrow Jason’s Teleportation Powers From Friday The 13^th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan?

He chases the two back into the castle and into the bedroom. They hide in the dresser drawer while he looks around.

He Did Find The Whip And Starts Whipping The Bed

He then starts whipping random things and gets to the cabinet. He then leaves as all that whipping was out of anger for his past. The two girls then leave the cabinet and try to sneak out of the castle. But Rebecca being blind knocks something over and that allows Giorgio to find them again so the chase continues. The chase causes the two to go up the stairs which has no really been used except for earlier when John considered suicide. They go outside on a balcony and seem trapped when John finally shows up.

The half-brothers then decide to fight on the roof (Giorgio with his chain and John with the nightstick). Giorgio gets control and starts choking John with the chain, but John gouges the eyes enough to get his half-brother off of him. He then gives Giorgio a kick in the dick. John slams Giorgio’s head into the roof, which knocks him out so John goes to check on his family. Giorgio then comes back so the fight continues. Giorgio whips John in the back comes to threaten the two ladies, but John decides to make it a chain match but putting his hand on the other end of the chain cuff since yes, Giorgio still has a hand trapped in one. John then decides to fuck a match by jumping off the edge and dragging Giorgio with him.

Giorgio is dead as Susan and Rebecca go down to check on John.

John asks Susan to forgive him and Susan does, even saying she loves him. John says he loves her too and then dies. We then John in a coffin the next day and it is put in a car. Susan and Rebecca follow and get in another car. All of the gentlemen in town take their hats off in mourning and we even see Forte with Sylvanna’s son taking his hat off.

Forte Was The Father

And with Susan looking on, the movie ends.

Castle Freak was made when Full Moon Productions was going through financial productions so there was very little of a budget to begin with. Despite that, Stuart Gordon still hoped the film would be released in theaters, but the problem is that one of the conditions that Stuart got to make the film is that he would not get anything cut that he didn’t want cut and with a theatrical film, you have to go to the ratings board who probably would have made them cut things so therefore the film was released on video so it could be both R-rated and unrated at the same time. All the DVDs are unrated so I don’t have to worry about missing scenes because I would have been saddened if I watched a cut version, even though all the stuff that would have been cut out basically been 1 minute.

As far as the aftermath with the cast goes, this is one of those films that not much changed with the cast as Jeffrey Combs (who played John Reilly) and Barbara Crampton (who played Susan Reilly) still were able to just use their names and get roles although Crampton has been in a bit of a renaissance with roles in You’re Next, The Lords Of Salem, Jakob’s Wife, Beyond The Gates, and Suitable Flesh as well as a few voice acting roles in video games like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, DOTA: Dragon Blood, and Back 4 Blood. Everyone else basically did nothing else of note, including Jessica Dollarhide who they were hoping to do more with as they did the “Introducing Jessica Dollarhide” (who played Rebecca Reilly) with her in the opening credits and she didn’t do any other roles after this as she retired from acting in 1997 to pursue her education and never returned.

Sadly, there have also been people who are no longer with us. Elisabeth Kazo (who played Agnese) left this mortal coil in 2004 at the age of 79. Massimino Sarchielli (who played Giannetti) passed away in 2010 at the age of 79. Stuart Gordon (the director) died in 2020 at the age of 72 due to multiple organ failure.

So now for my final thoughts on this film and this film is actually pretty good. This is proof that at this time, Full Moon Pictures was still trying with movies and if you have a good director, you can get a good even with financial limitations. Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton have a complete chemistry with each other which is to be expected when you work together so many times. Jessica Dollarhide and Jonathan Fuller (who played Giorgio) are not bad in their respective roles. Unfortunately, some of the plot is a bit contrived like why was Giannetti waiting so long to reveal that John’s father was the one who left the Duchess for her sister or how did the cat and Giorgio not die of starvation since it probably took a while for the town to realize the Duchess died, then a while more to find the Reillys and get them into town. But otherwise, glad the readers gave me a fun film for once to crap on.

So it is time for the next induction and we had a bit of an issue here because while a gentleman named Mecca won the Monster Crap NFL Pick’em to get the chance to choose 5 movies I have to induct, he actually hasn’t gotten back to me with any of his choices and I gave him a deadline of at least give me one by April so I had to give that choice to the person who finished second place in TheDeadRises, who had all 5 choices, but only one of them was worthy of being inducted (the others were too good to even induct) and that is the one I am going with.

And It Is This Terrible Mishmash Of Jurassic Park & Hunger Games That Was Made In 2020