Like I said so many times in the past few years, this year was terrible for movies. Whether it be because of studio meddling, ego, politics, or whatever excuse that can be drummed up, it doesnt change the fact that most of the films this year were bad. Out of 125 films I saw this year, only 63 of these films are what I would consider satisfactory and even plenty of those would just get a C- grade. Now of course there are plenty of films that I didnt even see and unlike the best of the year list, I can name a few of them because I'm not getting paid at all to see movies so I can pick and choose what I feel like seeing.
* Megalopolis
* Miller's Girl
* The American Society Of Magical Negroes
* The Front Room
* Uglies
* The Strangers: Chapter 1
* My Spy: The Eternal City
* Mean Girls musical remake
* Lift
* Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver
* Mother of The Bride
* Brothers
* Ricky Stanicky
* The Instigators
* Kraven The Hunter (It was still worth nominating)
* Dear Santa
* Poolman
* MegaMind vs. The Doom Syndicate
Now for the dishonorable mentions aka five movies that were really bad, but just were not as bad as the 25 we will be talking about and like the honorable mentions in my favorites list, we'll be doing them in alphabetical order.
Now without further ado.....here are the 25 worst movies of 2024 that I saw this year.
$250 million for this crap. So many times in this movie made me groan so much that I couldn't enjoy and I'll be honest, I normally grade on a curve with Christmas movies if I at least feel some heart into this movie, but this is one that I feel no heart in and instead was just a cash grab trying to exploit the Christmas feel (which didnt work because the dumbasses released this in early November). The Rock was as bland as he has ever been and Chris Evans plays one of the worst characters that I have ever seen (a character so bad and annoying that even his eventual face turn rings hollow to me). Lucy Liu and JK Simmons are just there and there is so much bad parts like Krampusshlap and Ted the broker's whole possessed voice that was laughable. This was just a mess to watch and I felt no holiday cheer watching it.
Welcome back to the worst of the year, M. Night Shyamalan...and if this movie was just the first half of this movie, you would not be on this list as the first half of this movie where we are at the stadium as our lead (who is a serial killer) is watching the show with his daughter, all the while trying to find ways to elude the police who are trying to catch him because they know he will be here was actually kind of cool. But the movie decided to keep going and decided for some ungodly reason to do what happened in After Earth (oddly enough M. Night directed that too so he should freaking know better about how this goes) where M. Night in this case tries to make his daughter who is also a singer be a pivotal point in this story in hopes that she would get more roles, which backfired as she was terrible. Oh and the twist in this movie is done several times which is that when you think the movie is over, it keeps going.
Yes, I'm sure you are all shocked I have this at this ranking and not higher and I have several excuses including I never played the video game and it was kind of fun at times. But even I see the mess for what this movie is and oh boy, what a disaster this was. This cast did not work well together and the villain in this film is just completely lame. Jack Black could not bring back the charm he had as Bowser for this voice of the little robot sidekick. And oh dear god were Kevin Hart and Ariana Greenblatt just annoying as hell. I do not like Eli Roth as a director (although Thanksgiving was really good), but even I understand that he was not the problem with this movie as you probably mostly wouldn't even know that he directed this PG-13 mess.
You know, it is rather hilarious that of all the movies of this year, this was the movie (about a plane that sinks into the ocean and sharks get in the plane while people are still in it) that was like the benchmark of how bad a movie was. I would just laugh and say to the movies after this one that "this movie is freaking worse than the freaking boring ass Sharks On A Plane film". Anyway, like I hinted at, the movie is incredibly boring (despite a batshit insane premise) and many of the characters are so terrible. Somehow this movie had Colm Meaney in this movie and sadly his character gets killed halfway in, which was bad as he was the character I most rooted for. And honestly, that's all I can say about this movie.
This movie's biggest sin among all the others that I will get into is.....other than the image, other characters, and the name, this is so NOT GARFIELD!!!! This cat isn't even close to being the lazy cat that we all know and love. Chris Pratt, you could have at least tried to act like Garfield and you just decided to be Chris Pratt instead. The plot, which sees Garfield having to fix a mistake his long lost dad made with his long lost dad, was something that does not belong in a Garfield film. I'm sure you could argue that if this wasn't called The Garfield Movie, it wouldn't be on this list (an argument I hear all the time about the 1998 Godzilla film). But here is the problem, this was called The Garfield Movie. You got all the hype because it was called The Garfield Movie so guess what, you deserve the disdain because you didn't make a real Garfield film.
What's worse than M. Night Shyamalan directing crap? Well, his other daughter (not the one in Trap) directing crap. The Watchers was incredibly boring and made not much sense at the end of the day. Dakota Fanning tries here, but she is really given nothing to work with and the rest of the cast isn't given much as well. This movie (about a girl who gets stuck in the woods in Ireland and then stuck in a container meant for entertainment for the monsters of this film) may be 1 hour and 42 minutes long, but it feels a lot longer with how badly it is paced.
You remember when I talked about films that I saw because my friend rented and I said "sure" with Hundreds Of Beavers? Well, this film (yes I know it was released in the UK in 2023, but it was released in the US in 2024) was another one where my friend rented it and I watched it because it was early in the year and I was like "Meh....why not?" Well, sadly this film was not even close to enjoyable. This film (that deals with 10 women who got kidnapped from a resort with the plans of putting them into sex slavery and how they escape) had horrible acting, horrible pacing, and just dealt with the dumbest criminals and almost even dumber kidnapped ladies.
I better get the shield out because I'm sure I will get complaints for putting this film on my worst of the year list, but this film was painful to get through. This film directed by the late Robin Williams' daughter Zelda and written by Diablo Cody (she still hasnt learned much from Jennifer's Body) does a very hard thing to do in which it made me not like Kathryn Newton (who sadly stars in this film as the titular Lisa). The father and stepmother are horrible (again, how can you make me not like Carla Gugino?) and the only one time I laughed is when the reanimated corpse in this film chops a man's dick off. And I guess just simple lightning (and nothing to create a current for the dead body) can just resurrect the dead. Guess next time a lightning storm hits, we better get bunkered up and prepare for the living dead to attack us. Freaking ridiculous and your dialogue is too groan inducing, movie!!!!
In 2023, I actually was able to see the original Salem's Lot miniseries thanks to Shudder and I thoroughly enjoyed it. So one year later, imagine my horror when one day I am looking at what is available on Max, and seeing that they remade this film into a shorter movie that is a Max Original. Well, I watched it with my mom and I was at plenty of times, pissed off with what I was seeing. Did you know that a vampire bite can be cured with a rabies shot if you get it in time? Well, that's what happens in this film to a certain doctor character played by Alfre Woodard. Also, apparently.....if you hide in the shadows of sunlight (like hiding behind a giant movie screen from a drive-in theater), the suns rays won't hurt you. This had a lot of dumb moments that made me just want to cover my head in shame and just go back to watching the 70s miniseries. No wonder this wasn't just dumped onto Max.
Sometimes, the giant mech genre can give us a good movie (see Pacific Rim) and sometimes, it can give us shit like this film, that deals with Jennifer Lopez as an analyst with deep hatred with artificial intelligence has to be in one of these mechs when her team that would normally be for her teammates except all her teammates were either captured or killed in a freaking ambust by the android terrorist and his forces who are planning an attack on Earth. This movie was incredibly boring and while Jennifer Lopez does try here (although her character is kind of an unlikable sort), the same cannot be said for Shang Chi himself, Simu Liu (who plays the evil android terrorist) who is just there and feels uninterested. Jennifer Lopez seems to have found a niche in being in streaming movies that get watched by many so something like this dreck probably will not be the last we see her doing in the future.
15. Madame Web
You know a movie is bad when even the actors who were in it are not enthusiastic about the movie. Sony basically tried to continue their own Spider-Verse (without Spiderman, mind you) with a character that no one except hardcore Spider-Man fans (and those who watched the last season of Spider-Man: The Animated Series) would even know about and this movie was a pure mess. This movie was packed with let's have Spider-Man without having Spider-Man nonsense that it could make your head spin. Ben Parker, a stupid ass spider tribe, other spider characters, and the villain in what essentially looks like Spider-Man (but is not Spider-Man). The plot, the characters, the dialogue, and the leaps of logic this film takes were just bad all around. Heads up to Pepsi though for somehow paying so much money that your sign actually kills the bad guy (probably was a waste as this movie bombed big time).
Netherlands, I really wanted to like this film about a 80s-90s sitcom family (with a religious goofball dad, a workaholic mom, and two good kids) that somehow ends up getting their house taken over by evil Russian criminals. But dear god, did I end up really hating this film. It's not really that funny and I'm sorry, I dont find pure comedy out of just shock. You have to earn my laughter and this movie did not do that at all. And much like last year, I unfortunately had to have a movie with Alicia Silverstone in it who has not gotten any better. 90 minutes felt like more than 2 hours and I wish I could have my time back with this.
While horror for the most part had a good year, there were really some stinkers this year and while this lazy attempt at trying to make horror out of freaking tarot cards feels like a Blumhouse film, I am sadly going to shock you in saying I can't even blame Blumhouse for this. The CGI was really terrible for all of the monsters and the acting wasnt that much better. It just felt like a complete paint by numbers horror film that would have made more money in the mid 2000s, when this kind of crap was the thing for horror movies. And the biggest sin of all is you had an annoying character who was supposed to be the comedy relief and you had the perfect out to kill this SOB, but by the end of the movie, that bastard somehow is revealed to have survived via some of the stupidest bullshit I have seen all year.
Matthew Vaughn, what the hell happened to you, man???? You had great films like Kickass, X-Men: First Class and Kingsman: The Secret Service and since then, you have made pure unwavering garbage like the terrible Kingsman sequel and prequel and then this movie. This movie, about an author who gets caught up in a conspiracy of government agents who want her knowledge about what happens in the future goes all over the freaking place. Oh and if you were worried about movies feeling so long despite having a short runtime, you dont have to worry about that here because while this one also feels long, the reason for that is because this movie is 2 HOURS AND 19 MINUTES!!!! I can tell you exactly the exact in when I knew this movie was going to be on this list. It was when our good guys here start skating on oil like it was freaking ice. Trust me, it's as dumb as you think.
Artificial Intelligence really took a hit this year with the news and movie studios in their infinite wisdom tried to make horror movies about them....yet they sucked. There were two this year and this lower budgeted movie starring Megan Fox (perfect role as an AI robot (not a compliment)) was the least bad of the two (shocking, I know). Oh and she wasn't the problem here, it was everyone else including the main male lead who is the fixation of this robot's horniness and overprotectiveness. You may know this guy as the lead in those terrible 365 Days movies that were on where he as a criminal kidnaps a woman and gives her a year to fall in love with him, which fucking works. Sad to say he has not gotten any better at acting and if this (and another movie later) is the best that movie studios can offer about evil A.I. (compared with this shit fuck of a year), then I will fucking help the robots take us over because we don't deserve to be free to do what we want. I would have just one request for them and that is to freaking kill me afterwards so I don't have to suffer for what they are going to do.
Well, it finally happened. After years of threatening to do so with the development of this film, the pissing on the grave of Brandon Lee by remaking his last film ever has come out. Not even Bill Skarsgard can save what was a pure departure from the source material comic (which the original Crow actually kept most of). The love story sucked (not helped by the terrible acting of FKA Twiggy) and you probably should worry about making the first film good before even thinking about sequel baiting. Bill Skarsgard distanced himself from this film for good reason and again, when actors do that, you know you are in trouble.
Goddammit Blumhouse!!! Of course you had to make some terrible shit in 2024. This was that other AI horror movie I mentioned when talking about Subservience that was somehow worse. A film that was paint by numbers for the most part as far as script goes (the acting was fine), but the huge issue with this film is AIA herself. When it comes to saying how she was made, they made the "doing nothing and all out of ideas" excuse by saying the data made AIA aka we never thought about the idea of who would make the AI. Also, apparently AIA can take over anything and can make kids appear and reappear at will. Thankfully this film barely made its budget back so no sequel will most likely be coming.
It is Blumhouse again to give us crap that should never have existed. Although in this case, the short did exist and it was fine, but definitely was not enough for a feature film. Guys, if you are going to make a killer pool film, you need to go all out with the insanity and this film barely does any of that (being rather bloodless). The only thing I can give this film credit for is they had a character that has Multiple Sclerosis and as someone who has it myself, they did a fine job of portraying what happens with it, which is basically different for every person. Oh and the reason why this pool is killing people (it kills like 2 people and a cat) is very ridiculous.
Russell Crowe saw what happened with The Pope's Exorcist and for some reason was able to be talked into doing another exorcism film. While I had some ludicrous fun with The Pope's Exorcist, I didnt have any fun with this exorcism film. Crowe plays an actor who is cast in a movie that deals with exorcism and wouldn't you know it, the movie has a demon cursing the movie with it possessing Russell Crowe's character. Oh and dear god, what happened to David Hyde Pierce as this film made him look like he was close to death in real life and I couldnt shake that feeling that he might die this year (thankfully, he did not). Also we get the terrible acting of Sam Worthington so that is another notch on why this movie was bad.
Brazil, you disappoint me. Somehow, you made a film about athletes getting cybernetic enhancements (because that's the only way you can compete these days) and made a boring movie with all of the characters being completely insufferable. Oh and the way our lead gets a cybernetic enhancement (aka a new leg) is so ridiculously contrived that there are a million ways I could point out how this could go wrong. Basically two sisters both want to be the best at long jumping with their cybernetic legs and this rivalry isnt helped by their horrible family like a screwup brother and a dad who only cares about which of his daughters is better. This could have worked, but the execution was so horrible that it just left me pissed off after watching it.
You folks may remember that I did not care for the first Joker movie, but holy shit.....this is a train wreck. A movie that never needed a sequel gets one and Todd Phillips purposefully sabotages his own movie by trying to make this a semi-musical. I've seen Joaquim Phoenix sing before and he does fine, but he sounds so out of tune in this film. I only saw this movie on MAX because I refused to see this in theaters (although my friend saw it in theaters) and I wish I had not seen it even on MAX, but curiosity kills the cat sometimes. Oh, and the whole reveal that this isn't even the Joker you all know from the Batman universe just is the final spit in the face of anyone who liked the first film.
I have seen many lazy ideas of how to bring kids media characters into the real world, but yet this is probably the laziest I have ever seen. Have a kid with a purple crayon? Let's turn him into an adult with a purple crayon once he enters the real world? Have animal pals? Let's turn them into humans who barely act like the animals they are supposed to be. The villain in this film is just there to be a villain and serves no other purpose. Zooey Deschanel probably knew this was crap by the way she was acting as she doesnt even try. The downfall of Zachary Levi (which he blames on Hollywood not accepting his conservative opinions, which that isn't the reason) continues and I see trailers to his next film where he is a dad to an autistic kid, which I am not looking forward to so his downfall may continue.
This film was released in 2022 in Argentina and it probably should have never come to America (let alone 2024). The cover may look good, but never judge a movie by its cover because while you may have a decent cover, the movie itself will be a boring piece of shit that makes you want it to end. Like Lisa Frankenstein, there is only one memorable moment of someone getting shot, but unlike Lisa Frankenstein....I can't even fully remember what happened. The supposed aliens are completely just in the background and rarely show up so instead we are left with a lead who is just stuck in a warehouse and you just want him to do something, with no such luck.
This is the worst of the three Imaginary Friends movies and wouldn't you know it, it's a horror movie by Blumhouse. No one in this movie is anyone you care for and the jump scares are just so played out. And then you get to the final part of the movie where we go to one of the laziest imaginary worlds I have ever seen. Basically, the daughter was never the target of the imaginary friend as it really wants the mother who once was friend with this imaginary creature and it wants her back. And then we get another twist of a character who we think is helping being a turncoat and they really do nothing with her. Sadly because of this movie's smaller budget (which you can tell by) and the fact that it was the first of the Imaginary Friend movies coming out this year, this movie made almost 4 times it's budget so we sadly may get a sequel. Of course I shouldnt be surprised that this was terrible as this director also directed the Fantasy Island horror movie and the godawful Truth Or Dare movie (both Blumhouse films as well).
In promoting this directorial debut of his based on a joke he made, Jerry Seinfeld talked about how this was his version of Barbie with trying to take a property and bring it to more popularity. If this was that effort, then he should never direct a movie again because this was a complete fucking shit show. So much unfunny moments and freaking Hugh Grant as Thurl Ravenscroft was just a complete insult. And then there was the joke that made me furious and solidified this as my worst of the year. You see the animal mascots have a protest over Pop-Tarts taking their jobs and it acts so much like January 6, 2021 that even Hugh Grant's Thurl Ravenscroft is dressed up like that QAnon Shaman, which sounds like a complete disrespect of Thurl's memory. The Emmys for some reason saw fit to nominate this movie for a primetime Emmy and Emmys committee, you should be ashamed of yourselves for even recognizing this pile of trash. Fuck this shitty movie and Thank God it didn't win the GINO so I don't have to rewatch this pile of garbage (that somehow has a monster in it).
And that is my Worst of 2024. Now it is time to work on my next induction and let's see what won the GINO with a quarter percentage of the vote.
Oooooookay....
Well, I did warn people that if this film won, I would be inducting it in December so I am going to have to find a different movie to induct instead. Thankfully, NegaSeth isn't here to throw something at me so let's look into my collection of crap and.....ah this will work.
