This show almost didn't happen because on that day, I woke up to have issues with my balance so much that I was unable to go to work that day. However, after some sleep, I got a lot better and was able to head home to watch Impact as well as last week (with some horrible audio). This is the go-home shows to Slammiversary and unfortunately, they were both ruined to Cs thanks to the horrible way they decided to promote Su Yung vs. Madison Rayne. We'll talk about some good stuff like the six man tag from two weeks ago and Killer Kross continuing to be awesome (they even tweaked him for the better). There is more, but..
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Sunday, July 22, 2018
Saturday, July 14, 2018
Monster Crap Inductee: Ghost In A Teeny Bikini (2006)
Monster Crap
Inductee: Ghost In A Teeny Bikini
A Porn Musical…Seriously
2006
Well,
we are continuing with this month and supposedly, this is one that Porno Pete
has watched plenty of times. This is also kind of a spoof of The Ghost In The
Invisible Bikini, which considering that title, you might be shocked to learn
by the title is not a porno. In fact, it is a film that has actors like Boris
Karloff and Basil Rathbone in it. And it’s a horror comedy musical. Yeah….it is
all three. So, with this being Fred Olen Ray under his Nicholas Medina name,
this will be a spoof that basically takes the loosest aspects of the original
and makes a comedy musical porn out of this.
And
boy did Fred Olen Ray get plenty of people who have been in several Monster
Crap inductions. You have Rebecca Love and Nicole Sheridan being from Witches
of Breastwick 2. You have Voodoo (as Alexandre Boisvert (before he stupidly
decided to call himself Voodoo)), and Evan Stone from Teenage Cavegirl (which
Nicole Sheridan was also in and directed by Fred Olen Ray as Nicholas Medina).
And you have Christine Nguyen (who was also in The Mummy’s Kiss 2) and Ted
Newsom (old guy so didn’t have any sex scenes thankfully) from Bikini Jones and
the Temple of Eros (which Rebecca Love was also in and directed by Fred Olen
Ray as Nicholas Medina.
Yeah,
You Knew It Was Coming.
This
also has Brad Bartram, who apparently has been in plenty of these softcore films
and normally has sex in them apparently (this is kinda not one of them). It
also has Syren Smiles, who has also been in several films as well. By the way,
Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo were married at some point as well.
Oh,
and apparently, this is part of the Bikini Softcore films by Fred Olen Ray that
since they are just titles and don’t have stuff to go back to, it won’t feel
weird when I ignore those films before this one. But with all that out of the
way, let’s get the induction started.
We
begin this film with opening credits of female characters of the film with
color alterations.
Like
This One Which Will Be The Only One I Show Due To It Having The Title
We
then immediately go to some lab where a woman is tied up.
The
Face She Gives In This Scene Is Rather Unfortunate
But
as we hear shooting going on outside, we see a male character named Bardo save
her.
He
apologizes for being late, but there was a jungle of killer ants he had to
fight through. You know, it’s too bad were never see this as I would have
laughed my ass off at a Rambo knockoff having to fight through a bunch of
killer ants to get here and his idea of using machine guns to shoot ants, which
seeing movies about killer ants that are the size of ants, would be less
effective than stepping on them. Seriously, either idea would be a terrible
idea as ants have a hive like mind that if they want you dead, you’re most
likely going to be dead due to their numbers…unless you kill their queen, who
is most likely in her anthill and extremely protected.
But
that’s besides the point now as they realize they have 30 minutes before this
all blows up so what do they do. Well, if you guessed they bang, you know your
porn clichés well.
After
some fast forwarding (this sex scene last for 4 minutes), we see the director
Ted Wood Jr.
Just
By That Name, You Know This Is An Ed Wood Nod. Ed Wood Would Also End Up Doing
Softcore Films After He Was Known For Some Of The Worst Films Ever Made Like
Plan 9 From Outers Space (Which I Inducted Here)
Both
the actor and actress are kind of upset that this whole long ass love scene is
just basically a DVD extra of an extended scene. By the way, while we never
know the actor character’s name in this film, we do know that the actress
character’s name in this film is Muffin Baker (Yeah, with names like that, you
know you are in a porno).
Still
Not The Worst Name I’ve Ever Heard And Considering This Is Meant To Be A Comedy
With The Silly Names Being Intentional, It Really Does Make Cypher Rage That
Much Dumber
Muffin
makes fun of the fact that Ted used to use just animated menus as extra
features, but he admits that audiences want more. Oh, just wait until
production companies hear about the idea of making just rental copies so to get
any extra features…you have to buy the damn film.
You
Can Thank Universal Studios For That Decision (A Decision I Will Never Forgive
Them For)
Muffin
doesn’t blame the fans for being grumpy and talks about this being a 4-minute
love scene for no reason (Weren’t you going to die? That’s not no reason).
Muffin says she might as well go back to doing Hot Housewives Strip Poker. She
then says it was too intense for her, which gives the director a sad face (an
easy sign in a porn film that these two characters are dating). Muffin just
goes to her stars’ seat and afterwards, the actor playing Bardo says he needs
another take. Yeah, the director says he isn’t getting that with Muffin since
she is the star of this film and the series, so he has to do the scenes with
the script girl. Oh, and this movie is called Bardo 3. So the scene is about to
happen again, but the actor forgets his lines.
Muffin
sits down in her seat when she gets the script for her next movie and a
telegram. The script of the movie is called For Your Thighs Only: The Colonel
Sanders Story. Okay, that’s a pretty good joke. First the For Your Thighs Only
would first make you think this was a James Bond porn parody, but then it gets
the extra joke of it being more ridiculous as a story about Col. Harland
Sanders, the founder of KFC.
You
Wont Look At My Delicious Original Recipe Chicken The Same Way Again
That
Bond Parody “For Your Thighs Only” Has Already Been Done In 1984 And Has Ron
Jeremy, Peter North, & Harry Reems In It.
How
do you know only the male pornstars of that film?
....Oh,
I know the female stars of that film. But, I only gave you names of actors you
may have heard of. So, who is the gay one of us now?
I
didn’t say you were gay. Just…get out of here.
*Porno
Pete leaves*
Look,
there is nothing wrong with being gay, but trust me when I say I am not gay.
Back to the movie.
Muffin
also complains that they must think she is a piece of meat (oooh…kinda over
shot the landing of joke of the Col. Sanders porn movie there). Anyway, the
telegram boy who apparently read the letter already (which is technically a
federal offense) and informs her that her rich uncle Silas Davenport died.
Muffin is extremely happy about that news.
Well,
I See Someone Who Shouldn’t Be Invited To The Funeral
Anyway,
before she reads the mail any more, the mail guy asks for a tip for the mail
and Muffin just flashes him.
Which
The Mail Guy Is More Than Happy To Take As A Tip
Anyway,
after making jokes about the stop cliché in telegrams, we find out that she
needs to come by Ravenswood Manor in two days for the reading of the will.
Meanwhile, she is being watched on a magic ball, by the ghost of this movie’s
title, Tabitha.
As
To Why Tabitha Has This Magic Ball, We Never Find Out.
Anyway,
she basically talks about how the lawyer who actually gave the telegram is
actually scheming to get the entire inheritance for his daughter, so Muffin
better be careful. Tabitha says she never liked the lawyer (whose name I will
mention later), but she thinks it will be fun to haunt someone new, so she disappears.
At
the house, Ted gets home to Muffin waiting for him as she tells him the good
news about her uncle dying. Ted actually has issues as they have more days to
shoot this film and if they put it off, it will be $250 which is cash he
doesn’t have. Muffin then says that her rich uncle is worth $3 million dollars
which could take care of the cost of a delay and another movie as well. Ted
says that sounds tempting, but he is going to have to think about it. She tells
him to do so as she gives him a blowjob to help with the thinking.
With
The Face Like That, You Know He Must Be Thinking Really Hard About If He Should
Delay The Movie
And
then the two bang for less than 4 minutes.
The
Horny Owl Makes His Much-Awaited Return
We
then go to this small church on a rainy night.
I
Bet You Won’t Believe That This Is Not Real
Anyway,
then we meet the evil lawyer Mr. Archibald Weisenheimer (who for some reason
has an accent).
We
also Marsh the butler (who has an accent you would expect from a butler).
Looking
Like A Pirate…Must Be His Own Clothes From The Porn Movie Pirates (Released A
Year Earlier). Yeah, That Generic Name Is The Name Of A Porn Movie And From
What I Have Heard, Kind Of A Hit.
Better
Have Been A Hit Since At That Time It Was The Most Expensive Porno Movie Ever
Made At $1 Million.
Marsh
says everything has been done as he asked, and Muffin will be here within two
days for the reading of the will. Archibald reveals that she must be there as
stated by the will or entire terms including his own will be null and void.
However, he does mention that the will did not state that while she must be
there in one piece, it doesn’t say that she must stay in one piece. We then
have this exchange.
Marsh: You’re an evil,
calculating bastard, sir.
Archibald: Ooh…well, that is
the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Marsh.
He
then tells Marsh to warn up the car as his bottom is getting a bit chilly in
this old church, which Marsh does. Archibald then goes up to the urn that
obviously has Uncle Silas’ ashes in them.
He
tells the urn that Muffin is not going to inherit a dime if he has anything to
say about it. Tabitha shows up and calls Archibald “rotten to the core” while
grab a piece of hair from Archibald’s head. Archibald felt that, and he thinks
it was Silas doing, but says he will not be stopped by a simple hair pull and
he doesn’t believe in ghosts. Tabitha says that neither did Scrooge. He then
says that if Silas tries that again, his ashes will be mixed into the kitty litter
box (no cats are in this film).
Stock
footage of a plane landing is shown, and Muffin and Ted drive up to Ravenswood
Manor. We hear in this car that his lawyer always hated Muffin’s side of the family
and guesses that Archibald is at this point planning to kill her.
We
then cut to Archibald with Marsh who is laying out his plan to kill Muffin.
Marsh comments on how he has this all down to the last detail and Archibald
says he must, but one problem is no one knows where Silas hid the inheritance.
Outside,
Muffin says who knows on if she will inherit this entire estate as Uncle Silas
did like her a lot and would bounce her on his knee, even long after she wanted
him to stop. Yeah, Uncle Silas was that kind of uncle, so I guess it is better
off that he is dead. Ted does seem a little weirded out that she shared that,
so they decide to check and see if people are inside.
They
knock on the door and Marsh answers. Muffin reveals herself and Marsh is a bit
surprised that Muffin is not alone for the reading of the will. As they enter
(and Marsh asks for Ted’s coat, which Ted confuses for asking if that is his
coat and says it is), Muffin asks if the place is still haunted and Marsh says
that it is. Ted then asks how he ends up working in a place like Ravenswood
Manor, to which Marsh responds by changing his accent and going into a song.
Here’s
the lyrics.
Marsh:
I
was killin’ the day, up at Mandalay Bay,
Crusin’
along in my Chevrolet,
Pushin’
on the pedal, and scoping out every chick in sight…
Then
I saw a sight that chilled by blood,
There
was black smoke pourin’ out from under my hood,
So
I parked, up by the graveyard, there on the right.
And
there was ghouls there a jumpin’, and vampires a humpin’,
And
bats flyin’ up in the air.
There
was a girl with tits as big as the moon, and a werewolf with pompadour hair
And
the ghost wagged her finger, and said “You shouldn’t linger
In
a place that’ll do you no good”
So
I stepped on the gas, and I headed up to Ravenswood.
And
there was ghouls there a jumpin’, and vampires a humpin’,
And
bats flyin’ up in the air.
There
was a girl with tits as big as the moon, and a werewolf with pompadour hair
And
the ghost wagged her finger, and said “You shouldn’t linger
In
a place that’ll do you no good”
So
I stepped on the gas, and I headed up to Ravenswood.
Wood,
that is.
Swimmin’
pools, movie stars.
Okay,
that made no sense and no, we will not see ghouls, vampires, bats, girls with
tits as big as the moon, or werewolves with pompadour hair. He probably should
have just left the area. He didn’t need to head up to Ravenswood.
Anyway,
he goes back to his accent and says he has been here ever since. So, with that
weird moment out of the way, Archibald joins in and says how great it is to see
Muffin again. Muffin also introduces Ted as her fiancée and unlike Marsh,
Archibald seems to have no problem with this. They explained how it happened
which is he was cleaning his knife, when it went off. Okay, that makes no sense
unless he has a freaking gunblade.
For
Those Of You Not In The Know, A Gunblade Was The Main Weapon Used In Final
Fantasy VIII Which Basically Has A Sword And A Gun Mixed Together. Before You
Ask Me How The Hell That Works, I Must Tell You That I Don’t Know As It Kind Of
Was A Rather Stupid Weapon.
Archibald
then decides to call his daughter with a dog whistle.
His
daughter arrives and introduces herself as Evilyn.
Archibald
introduces Muffin and Ted and Evilyn comes down the stairs, making sure to
bounce her boobs with each step. Evilyn gives Muffin or “Muffy” a hug and says
she has come at last. She also hugs Ted and Archibald has to get her off of him
while saying she is very excitable. Ted just excuses it by saying they are all
family here. Archibald offers everyone a brandy to take the chill out of their
bones before he can answer questions about the estate. He has Marsh bring their
luggage inside. Then we see the maid named Fuscia.
Even
Archibald is a little taken aback by this and puts down her skirt to cover up
before talking to Fuscia.
Achibald
tells Fuscia that she needs to help Marsh prepare the guest room. She is about
to go, but she sees Ted and finds him very attractive. She asks how he likes
his sheets while coming on to him. Ted basically says he likes his sheets tight
at the bottom, but bigger on the top. After that, Muffin even has to push Ted
like “What the hell?”
Probably
The Next Step After That Meme Where The Guy Is Checking Out An Attractive Girl
While With His Girlfriend
Archibald
has to explain that Fuscia comes from a broken family and Muffin says that
somebody should fix it. So Archibald offers some brandy and even thinks Ted
needs a stiff one, which Ted declines. But Evilyn will take “Ted’s stiff one”
and she drinks it all. Muffin then asks if she can hand it, but Evilyn says
that once you get your hands around it, its just a matter of being able to
swallow. Evilyn then toasts with her dad and they both drink.
*Sigh*
After The Frank Washington From Samurai Cop, All Other “Oh Snap” Facial
Expressions Just Disappoint
Tabitha
appears and basically says this.
Tabitha: Oh My God, One More Lame Joke Like That And I Am Going To Kill All Of You.
Tabitha: Oh My God, One More Lame Joke Like That And I Am Going To Kill All Of You.
Marsh
brings in the luggage and Fuscia makes the bed. Fuscia asks for Marsh to help
her with the sheets. Marsh talks about forming an alliance with Fuscia and
Fuscia accepts. Don’t worry as this goes basically nowhere, besides the fact
that the two decide to have a quickie right then and there.
Tabitha
likes this sex scene and decides that she might want to get in on some of that
action.
Besides
Her Random Genie Costume In Witches Of Breastwick, You Would Easily Guess That
Ms. Sheridan Was In A Film Called Geenie In A String Bikini
Archibald
and Evilyn meet to plan on how they can get the fortune for themselves.
Archibald feels that they must drive a wedge between Muffin and Ted, which
Evilyn says will be freaking easy on her part. Evilyn says to leave everything
to her on that end and leaves, as Archibald mentions that he wishes he could
clone Evilyn. Um…That’s supposed to be your daughter, you better not be getting
any incest ideas here, movie or I swear to god, I will be really angry!
Fuscia
opens the front door and the medium named Madame Zola wants to be announced.
Fuscia
tells Archibald that the medium is here, and we then begin the séance with
everyone that is happening because it was stipulated in the will and of course,
we need more reason for ghostly shenanigans. Evilyn talks about how she knew
there were spirits in this how and also uses her foot to rub Ted’s crotch.
Archibald
just wants this done with as he obviously doesn’t believe in ghosts. As this
line from Muffin and Ted.
Muffin: Ghosts in
Ravenwood, isn’t that rare?
Ted: Muffin, it’s
medium rare
Oh,
and ghosts do appear, but it isn’t Silas’ ghost as they all think. It is
Tabitha, who says that Silas isn’t here because he is dead (but as a ghost,
aren’t you dead too…. nevermind, it is a poor joke), and she decides to have a
little fun on Archibald the non-believer.
Zola
says this is basically useless as while there are spirits here, none of them
are Silas. So, the séance is over, so basically most everyone leaves except for
Zola and Marsh. Zola thinks that Marsh knows more about this haunting than he
cares to admit. Marsh admits that he has heard all the stories, but who would
believe them. Then, we go to our second song, this time from Zola.
Zola:
This
house is haunted.
It’s
rotten, through and through.
This
house is haunted.
I’d
get out if I were you.
The
ghosts will catch you napping,
They’ll
kill you if they do.
This
house is haunted.
(pause
for stock footage of public domain film Nosferatu)
This
house is haunted.
Can’t
put it any other way,
This
house is haunted.
I
wouldn’t stay another day.
This
house is haunted.
It’s
rotten, through and through.
This
house is haunted.
I’d
get out if I were you.
The
ghosts will catch you napping,
They’ll
kill you if they do.
This
house is haunted.
So,
I’m not sure, but is this house haunted?
Marsh
then tells that many years ago (1960s to be exact), this house was full of
laughter and gaiety. He says that at that time, Silas had a beautiful mistress who
was Tabitha (yep…the ghost in our film was old ass Mr. Silas’s mistress) and
she liked to wear the teeniest bikinis. Zola then questions the idea of a ghost
in a teeny bikini (title drop). She then says she can see why these stories are
difficult to believe. Marsh continues Silas used to jest that a good chest cold would kill her since she had a big chest and sure enough, it did and caused her to die young as she had
such a large life ahead of her. Zola then asks why her ghost would haunt the
place and Marsh says that it is said that she never had a chance to experience
a full array of her womanhood as even back then, Silas was kind of old. He says
that her horny ghost roams these hallways, looking for ways to fulfill her
unearthly desires. Tabitha shows up to say that was an understatement. Zola
then wants to think of a way to help her release her earthbound ghost. Tabitha
is two steps ahead of her and possesses Zola so Zola (or Tabitha) can have sex
with Marsh.
That
night, Ted seems to be a bit horny and wants to have sex with Muffin, but
Muffin thinks Ted thinking about having sex in the house her uncle just died is
rather insensitive. Muffin says she can’t even start to think about getting
jiggy with it when all these ghosts are around.
Muffin
says that Ted is just going to have to hold his sexual urges until they get
back and then leaves. Honey, this is a porno, and I think you just doomed your
relationship one bout of adultery. Ted thinks about his hand before going to
read.
In
the kitchen, Archibald is still creeped out about his whole ghostly sexual
encounter that Evilyn makes him some nice warm tea. He is suspicious that she
might want to poison him, but Evilyn says that is a dumb idea by taking a sip
to prove it isn’t poison and giving it back so Archibald can drink the rest of
it down. After his daughter mentions that he looks weak, Archibald says that it
is time to get this plan in motion and she is quick to drug a drink that she
has planned for Ted.
Archibald
says they can not fail as this is for $3 million. She says that how can she
forget before bidding her dad adieu and going to drug Ted. While Muffin goes to
read a comic book, Evilyn makes her move on Ted. The mixture drugging the
drink, Ted’s current horniness, and Evilyn’s well…you know, you know exactly
where this is all going.
Yeah,
They Have Sex……….FOR 8 MINUTES!!!! This Is An 84-Minute So This Is Basically
1/10th Of The Run Time For This One Sex Scene
Christ
on a handbasket, I bet they were really banking on this being the scene porno
fans got their loads off on.
And
It Works All The Time For Me.
Please
never bring that up again. Moving on, it is at this time that Muffin thinks to
herself that maybe she was a bit hard on Ted since Ted is a man and wonders
what kind of girlfriend she is, so she goes to tell him that they are gonna
have sex. After she leaves, Tabitha shows up to admit that she isn’t going to
like what she finds. Muffin goes downstairs to find Ted with Evilyn after their
love-making.
He
tries to say this isn’t what it looks like, but with him and a naked Evilyn, he
quickly admits this is exactly what it looks like. However, he can still explain.
Muffin asks how he could do this and Evilyn asks if she was asking that
question to her or him. Muffin responds by of course, she is talking about him.
He then asks her to remember how they talked about that threesome and he
explains that he found the perfect third wheel, so he was just getting it
warmed up for her to get involved. Yeah, this doesn’t work as Muffin yells that
she hates Ted and storms off. Evilyn says that hate is such a strong word and
Ted thinks to himself.
But
forget all that shit, here comes the third and final musical number to this
song sung by Muffin as she is outside.
Muffin:
I’m
just a girl,
Like
any other girl.
I
just want to love
And
to be loved by others.
Why
is that so hard?
Why
is that so hard to…understand?
I’m
just a fool for you.
Do
what you want me to.
So…how
can you make me blue,
When
I’ve been true…?
I
never asked too much
Just
that you look, don’t touch
And
even all the while,
You
did her doggy-style.
And
as I walked…so far…away,
I
know you’re off, you’re off to play,
Why
am I blue?
Am
I…your fool?
All
the while this song is going on, she keeps moving and Archibald tries to drop a
marble flower pot on her.
Considering
This Movie, I’m Actually Surprised It Wasn’t An Anvil. Then Again, An Actual Anvil
Is Harder To Pick Up And Move Around Than A Flower Pot Made Of Marble So I
Guess That Make Sense As The Weapon Of Choice Here.
Archibald
finally drops the flower pot and it looks to hit Muffin, but Marsh pulls her
out of the way.
Wait,
I Thought Marsh Was Kind Of Working With Archibald, But Was Ultimately Going To
Double-Cross Him With Fuscia.
Yeah,
that subplot is completely gone now. Marsh says that it is dangerous to be out
here alone. Muffin asks if he really thinks someone is here to kill her and
Marsh posits that perhaps she is worth more to some dead than alive. Muffin
knows what he means as her world has been crumbling since she got to
Ravenswood. Marsh thinks that all of that might be about to change and goes in
for a kiss, but Ted runs out to explain his actions, so Muffin’s attentions are
now on Ted. Ted of course definitely gets the wrong idea and thinks Muffin has
moved on to the tall Marsh. He leaves with Muffin now wanting to tell Ted what
is going on. Yeah, it’s one of those movies where the female lead almost
completely forgets about the fact that a few minutes ago, Ted was cheating on
her.
Muffin
then tells Marsh that tonight has been so complicated that she doesn’t know if
she is coming or going. Marsh then says that he doesn’t know either, but
perhaps Muffin would be safer inside. Muffin goes back to her room and we move
on to the next day, which is the reading of the will.
Archibald
opens the envelope to the will and after reading it, we find out that Silas has
decided that we should have a treasure hunt for everything. Basically, he has
hidden a key to a small treasure box somewhere on the estate. Basically, it
means “finders keepers”, but Archibald says that they should all use all their
resources to work together so they can all get the fortune. Muffin stands up
and says she will think about it, but she doesn’t like people trying to kill
her, specifically looking at Archibald.
Everyone
goes to leave, but Archibald talks to his daughter and reveals he omitted a
part that was meant for Muffin, which explains that Muffin used to play around
the house as a child and something during that time plays into all of this, but
he hasn’t figured out what exactly. Archibald then plans that his daughter and
he should wait around while Muffin figures it out and follow her very closely.
After they leave, Tabitha comes into being and says that she knows something
they don’t know.
In
the room, we are back to Ted trying to explain his actions last night. Ted even
thinks there might be an evil plot trying to split them apart and Muffin knows
what he means, but she is still mad at him, so she says she will think about
it, but not at this time as she wants to take a nap, thanks to unseen
persuasion from Tabitha. One would think that if you are suspicious about
someone trying to kill them, the last thing you would want to do is leave
yourself perfectly easy prey for a quick kill, but I am not this movie so what
do I know?
Tabitha
then tells her that she will pretend the next few minutes is just a wonderful
dream and what is this dream?
After
a 5-minute sex scene, Muffin wakes up and finds a note on her blouse. It
basically is the clue that Silas left in his will which says “Muffin, what you
seek can be discovered in “The Palace of the Princess.” Muffin remembers that
her uncle used to call her princess and remembers that he used to call the
place where she liked to play “The Palace of the Princess”. She gets her jacket
back on and goes to find the secret room she used to play in, which is an attic
behind a hollow bookshelf.
It
is in this room that Muffin finds the chest and a new clue. It says, “I knew
you would be the one who would find this money, Muffin. Now all you need is the
key to your happiness. You’ll find it where I always kept it: close to my
heart.” She thinks for a minute when she comes upon a realization. She grabs
the chest and leaves the hidden room. She goes to the small church where the
will is read and goes to Uncle Silas’ urn. She apologizes to her uncle and
dumps his ashes out on the table. There she finds Uncle Silas’ false teeth.
She
also finds the key, understanding that Uncle Silas swallowed key before he
died.
She
opens the chest which has the deed and the money.
Unfortunately
for Muffin, Archibald and Evilyn followed her very closely and have a gun on
her.
He
reveals that they are going to kill Muffin here. Then make it look like she
drove off a cliff as they already cut the brake lines to her car and will roll
it off said cliff. Unfortunately, they didn’t count on Tabitha deciding they
are in need of a good haunting.
Evilyn
runs and Archibald begs to the ghost to spare him. He admits how he killed
Silas, he tried to kill Muffin, and he is a miserable human being. His
confession is heard by the constable Bobbie, who just so happened to be on the
scene thanks to Ted.
Hey,
Ted Newsom…Glad To See You Are Not Dressed In Drag This Time Although You Are
Wearing A Constable Uniform So I Guess This Was Taking Place In The United
Kingdom.
Archibald
gets arrested and even mentions that Evilyn tripped on her giant tits, so they
were able to apprehend her easily. Marsh comes in to help Bobbie to take
Archibald away. Muffin admits she went down on a ghost, so she forgives Ted.
And with Tabitha the ghost leaving, Muffin and Ted are together as the movie
ends, so it ends the same way every film with Christine Nguyen has ended which
is her hooking up with the male lead. Okay, I really don’t believe it is in her
contract to do this, but it is kinda weird considering these three films with
her basically have the same ending.
Again, all the actors in this film are
still alive. Yet unlike last time, we do not have someone be on a game show so
no need of any cameo.
Now my final thoughts. You know, this
movie is somewhat entertaining even if you fast forward through the sex bits.
The musical bits just come out of no where that you really can’t believe they
are happening, especially the first one which basically have the character
change accents and I will admit Evan Stone’s body actions as he is singing this
song is kind of funny. I actually laughed a few times in this movie, which is
more than I predicted I would. It’s got a bit of charm behind it and it seems
like the actors and crew are having fun with this, as seen in the behind the
scenes video where they don’t even pretend that they are not working for Fred
Olen Ray.
So, a positive for this video, especially
with a weird mixture of a Horror Comedy Musical Porno, let’s see if we can
maybe get another good one.
Well, for our next film, we are going back to the 90s,
as we go back to aliens and like before, aliens have come down to Earth to bang.
In fact, Monster Crap alumni is back with Jacqueline Lovell. Our next film is…